Denis Fonvizin
Minor
Comedy in five acts
CHARACTERS
Prostakov.
Mrs. Prostakova, his wife.
Prostakov, their son, is an undergrowth.
Eremeevna, Mitrofanov’s mother.
Starodum.
Sophia, Starodum's niece.
Skotinin, brother of Mrs. Prostakova.
Kuteikin, seminarian.
Tsyfirkin, retired sergeant.
Vralman, teacher.
Trishka, tailor.
Prostakov's servant.
Starodum's valet.
Action in the village of Prostakovs.
ACT ONE
APPEARANCE I Mrs. Prostakova, Mitrofan, Eremeevna.
Ms. Prostakova (examining the caftan on Mitrofan). The caftan is all ruined. Eremeevna, bring the swindler Trishka here. (Eremeevna leaves.) He, the thief, burdened him everywhere. Mitrofanushka, my friend! I'm guessing you're dying. Call your father here.
Mitrofan leaves.
SCENE II Mrs. Prostakova, Eremeevna, Trishka.
Ms. Prostakova (Trishka). And you, brute, come closer. Didn’t I tell you, you thieving mug, that you should make your caftan wider? The first child grows; another, a child and without a narrow caftan of delicate build. Tell me, idiot, what is your excuse?
Trishka. But, madam, I was self-taught. I reported to you at the same time: well, if you please, give it to the tailor.
Mrs. Prostakova. So is it necessary to be a tailor to be able to sew a caftan well? What bestial reasoning!
Trishka. Yes, I studied to be a tailor, madam, but I didn’t.
Mrs. Prostakova. While searching, he argues. A tailor learned from another, another from a third, but who did the first tailor learn from? Speak up, beast.
Trishka. Yes, the first tailor, perhaps, sewed worse than mine.
Mitrofan(runs in). I called my father. I deigned to say: immediately.
Mrs. Prostakova. So go and get him out if you don’t get the good stuff.
Mitrofan. Yes, here comes the father.
SCENE III The same and Prostakov.
Mrs. Prostakova. What, why do you want to hide from me? This, sir, is how far I have lived with your indulgence. What's a new thing for a son to do with his uncle's agreement? What kind of caftan did Trishka deign to sew?
Prostakov(stammering out of timidity). Me... a little baggy.
Mrs. Prostakova. You yourself are baggy, smart head.
Prostakov. Yes, I thought, mother, that it seemed so to you.
Mrs. Prostakova. Are you blind yourself?
Prostakov. With your eyes, mine see nothing.
Mrs. Prostakova. This is the kind of hubby God blessed me with: he doesn’t know how to figure out what’s wide and what’s narrow.
Prostakov. In this, mother, I believed and believe you.
Mrs. Prostakova. So believe also that I do not intend to indulge the slaves. Go, sir, and punish now...
SCENE IV Same with Skotinin.
Skotinin. Whom? For what? On the day of my conspiracy! I ask you, sister, for such a holiday to postpone the punishment until tomorrow; and tomorrow, if you please, I myself will willingly help. If I weren’t Taras Skotinin, if not every fault is my fault. In this, sister, I have the same custom as you. Why are you so angry?
Mrs. Prostakova. Well, brother, I’ll go crazy on your eyes. Mitrofanushka, come here. Is this caftan baggy?
Skotinin. No.
Prostakov. Yes, I can already see, mother, that it is narrow.
Skotinin. I don't see that either. The caftan, brother, is quite well made.
Ms. Prostakova(Trishka). Get out, you bastard. (Eremeevna.) Go ahead, Eremeevna, give the child breakfast. Vit, I’m having tea, the teachers will come soon.
Eremeevna. He already, mother, deigned to eat five buns.
Mrs. Prostakova. So you feel sorry for the sixth one, beast? What zeal! Please take a look.
Eremeevna. Cheers, mother. I said this for Mitrofan Terentyevich. I grieved until the morning.
Mrs. Prostakova. Oh, mother of God! What happened to you, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. Yes, mother. Yesterday after dinner it hit me.
Skotinin. Yes, it’s clear, brother, you had a hearty dinner.
Mitrofan. And I, uncle, almost didn’t have dinner at all.
Prostakov. I remember, my friend, you wanted to eat something.
Mitrofan. What! Three slices of corned beef, and hearth slices, I don’t remember, five, I don’t remember, six.
Eremeevna. Every now and then he asked for a drink at night. I deigned to eat a whole jug of kvass.
Mitrofan. And now I’m walking around like crazy. All night such rubbish was in my eyes.
Mrs. Prostakova. What rubbish, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. Yes, either you, mother, or father.
Mrs. Prostakova. How is this possible?
Mitrofan. As soon as I start to fall asleep, I see that you, mother, deign to beat father.
Prostakov(to the side). Well, my bad! Sleep in hand!
Mitrofan (softening up). So I felt sorry.
Ms. Prostakova (with annoyance). Who, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. You, mother: you are so tired, beating your father.
Mrs. Prostakova. Surround me, my dear friend! Here, son, is my only consolation.
Skotinin. Well, Mitrofanushka, I see you are a mother’s son, not a father’s son!
Prostakov. At least I love him, as a parent should, he’s a smart child, he’s a sensible child, he’s funny, he’s an entertainer; sometimes I am beside myself with him and with joy I truly do not believe that he is my son.
Skotinin. Only now our funny man is standing there, frowning.
Mrs. Prostakova. Shouldn't we send for a doctor to the city?
Mitrofan. No, no, mother. I'd rather get better on my own. Now I’ll run to the dovecote, maybe…
Mrs. Prostakova. So maybe God is merciful. Go and have some fun, Mitrofanushka.
Mitrofan and Eremeevna enter.
SCENE V Ms. Prostakova, Prostakov, Skotinin.
Skotinin. Why can't I see my bride? Where is she? There will be an agreement in the evening, so isn’t it time to tell her that they are marrying her off?
Mrs. Prostakova. We'll make it, brother. If we tell her this ahead of time, she may still think that we are reporting to her. Although by marriage, I am still related to her; and I love that strangers listen to me.
Prostakov(Skotinin). To tell the truth, we treated Sophia like an orphan. After their father, they remained a baby. About six months ago, her mother, and my in-law, had a stroke...
Ms. Prostakova (showing as if he is baptizing his heart). The power of the god is with us.
Prostakov. From which she went to the next world. Her uncle, Mr. Starodum, went to Siberia; and since there has been no rumor or news of him for several years now, we consider him dead. We, seeing that she was left alone, took her to our village and look after her estate as if it were our own.
Mrs. Prostakova. What, why have you gone so crazy today, my father? Looking for a brother, he might think that we took her to us out of interest.
Prostakov. Well, mother, how should he think about this? After all, we can’t move Sofyushkino’s real estate estate to ourselves.
Skotinin. And although the movable has been put forward, I am not a petitioner. I don’t like to bother, and I’m afraid. No matter how much my neighbors offended me, no matter how much loss they caused, I didn’t hit anyone with my brow, and any loss, rather than going after it, I would rip off from my own peasants, and the ends would be in the water.
Prostakov. It’s true, brother: the whole neighborhood says that you are a master at collecting rent.
Mrs. Prostakova. At least you taught us, brother father; but we just can’t do it. Since we took away everything the peasants had, we can’t take anything back. Such a disaster!
Skotinin. Please, sister, I will teach you, I will teach you, just marry me to Sophia.
Mrs. Prostakova. Did you really like this girl that much?
Skotinin. No, it's not the girl I like.
Prostakov. So next door to her village?
Skotinin. And not the villages, but the fact that it is found in the villages and what my mortal desire is.
Mrs. Prostakova. Until what, brother?
Skotinin. I love pigs, sister, and in our neighborhood there are such large pigs that there is not a single one of them that, standing on its hind legs, would not be taller than each of us by a whole head.
Prostakov. It’s a strange thing, brother, how family can resemble family. Mitrofanushka is our uncle. And he was a hunter of pigs, just like you. When I was still three years old, when I saw a pig, I used to tremble with joy.
Skotinin. This is truly a curiosity! Well, brother, Mitrofan loves pigs because he is my nephew. There is some similarity here; Why am I so addicted to pigs?
© AST Publishing House LLC, 2017
Minor
Comedy in five acts
Characters
Prostakov.
Ms. Prostakova, his wife.
Mitrofan, their son, a minor.
Eremeevna, Mitrofanova’s mother.
Pravdin.
Starodum.
Sophia, Starodum's niece.
Milo.
Skotinin, brother of Mrs. Prostakova.
Kuteikin, seminarian.
Tsyfirkin, retired sergeant.
Vralman, teacher.
Trishka, tailor.
Servant Prostakova.
Valet Starodum.
Action in the village of Prostakovs.
Act one
Phenomenon I
Mrs. Prostakova, Mitrofan, Eremeevna.
Ms. Prostakova(examining the caftan on Mitrofan). The caftan is all ruined. Eremeevna, bring the swindler Trishka here. (Eremeevna leaves.) He, the thief, burdened him everywhere. Mitrofanushka, my friend! I'm guessing you're dying. Call your father here.
Mitrofan leaves.
Phenomenon II
Mrs. Prostakova, Eremeevna, Trishka.
Mrs. Prostakova (Trishke). And you, brute, come closer. Didn’t I tell you, you thieving mug, that you should make your caftan wider? The first child grows; another, a child and without a narrow caftan of delicate build. Tell me, idiot, what is your excuse?
Trishka. But, madam, I was self-taught. I reported to you at the same time: well, if you please, give it to the tailor.
Mrs. Prostakova. So is it necessary to be a tailor to be able to sew a caftan well? What bestial reasoning!
Trishka. Yes, I studied to be a tailor, madam, but I didn’t.
Mrs. Prostakova. While searching, he argues. A tailor learned from another, another from a third, but who did the first tailor learn from? Speak up, beast.
Trishka. Yes, the first tailor, perhaps, sewed worse than mine.
Mitrofan (runs in). I called my father. I deigned to say: immediately.
Mrs. Prostakova. So go and get him out if you don’t get the good stuff.
Mitrofan. Yes, here comes the father.
Scene III
Same with Prostakov.
Mrs. Prostakova. What, why do you want to hide from me? This, sir, is how far I have lived with your indulgence. What's a new thing for a son to do with his uncle's agreement? What kind of caftan did Trishka deign to sew?
Prostakov (stammering out of timidity). Me... a little baggy.
Mrs. Prostakova. You yourself are baggy, smart head.
Prostakov. Yes, I thought, mother, that it seemed so to you.
Mrs. Prostakova. Are you blind yourself?
Prostakov. With your eyes, mine see nothing.
Mrs. Prostakova. This is the kind of hubby the Lord gave me: he doesn’t know how to figure out what’s wide and what’s narrow.
Prostakov. In this, mother, I believed and believe you.
Mrs. Prostakova. So believe also that I do not intend to indulge the slaves. Go, sir, and punish now...
Phenomenon IV
Same with Skotinin.
Skotinin. Whom? For what? On the day of my conspiracy! I ask you, sister, for such a holiday to postpone the punishment until tomorrow; and tomorrow, if you please, I myself will willingly help. If I weren’t Taras Skotinin, if not every fault is my fault. In this, sister, I have the same custom as you. Why are you so angry?
Mrs. Prostakova. Well, brother, I’ll go crazy on your eyes. Mitrofanushka, come here. Is this caftan baggy?
Skotinin. No.
Prostakov. Yes, I can already see, mother, that it is narrow.
Skotinin. I don't see that either. The caftan, brother, is quite well made.
Mrs. Prostakova (Trishke). Get out, you bastard. (Eremeevna.) Go ahead, Eremeevna, give the child breakfast. Vit, I’m having tea, the teachers will come soon.
Eremeevna. He already, mother, deigned to eat five buns.
Mrs. Prostakova. So you feel sorry for the sixth one, beast? What zeal! Please take a look.
Eremeevna. Cheers, mother. I said this for Mitrofan Terentyevich. I grieved until the morning.
Mrs. Prostakova. Ah, Mother of God! What happened to you, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. Yes, mother. Yesterday after dinner it hit me.
Skotinin. Yes, it’s clear, brother, you had a hearty dinner.
Mitrofan. And I, uncle, almost didn’t have dinner at all.
Prostakov. I remember, my friend, you wanted to eat something.
Mitrofan. What! Three slices of corned beef, and hearth slices, I don’t remember, five, I don’t remember, six.
Eremeevna. Every now and then he asked for a drink at night. I deigned to eat a whole jug of kvass.
Mitrofan. And now I’m walking around like crazy. All night such rubbish was in my eyes.
Mrs. Prostakova. What rubbish, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. Yes, either you, mother, or father.
Mrs. Prostakova. How is this possible?
Mitrofan. As soon as I start to fall asleep, I see that you, mother, deign to beat father.
Prostakov (aside). Well, my bad! Sleep in hand!
Mitrofan (relaxed). So I felt sorry.
Mrs. Prostakova (with annoyance). Who, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. You, mother: you are so tired, beating your father.
Mrs. Prostakova. Surround me, my dear friend! Here, son, is my only consolation.
Skotinin. Well, Mitrofanushka, I see you are a mother’s son, not a father’s son!
Prostakov. At least I love him, as a parent should, he’s a smart child, he’s a sensible child, he’s funny, he’s an entertainer; sometimes I am beside myself with him and with joy I truly do not believe that he is my son.
Skotinin. Only now our funny man is standing there, frowning.
Mrs. Prostakova. Shouldn't we send for a doctor to the city?
Mitrofan. No, no, mother. I'd rather get better on my own. Now I’ll run to the dovecote, maybe…
Mrs. Prostakova. So maybe the Lord is merciful. Go and have some fun, Mitrofanushka.
Mitrofan and Eremeevna leave.
Phenomenon V
Ms. Prostakova, Prostakov, Skotinin.
Skotinin. Why can't I see my bride? Where is she? There will be an agreement in the evening, so isn’t it time to tell her that they are marrying her off?
Ms. Prostakova. We'll make it, brother. If we tell her this ahead of time, she may still think that we are reporting to her. Although by marriage, however, I am related to her; and I love that strangers listen to me.
Prostakov (to Skotinin). To tell the truth, we treated Sophia like an orphan. After her father she remained a baby. About six months ago, her mother, and my in-law, had a stroke...
Ms. Prostakova(showing as if he is baptizing his heart). The power of the god is with us.
Prostakov. From which she went to the next world. Her uncle, Mr. Starodum, went to Siberia; and since there has been no rumor or news of him for several years now, we consider him dead. We, seeing that she was left alone, took her to our village and look after her estate as if it were our own.
Mrs. Prostakova. What, why have you gone so crazy today, my father? Looking for a brother, he might think that we took her to us out of interest.
Prostakov. Well, mother, how should he think about this? After all, we can’t move Sofyushkino’s real estate estate to ourselves.
Skotinin. And although the movable has been put forward, I am not a petitioner. I don’t like to bother, and I’m afraid. No matter how much my neighbors offended me, no matter how much loss they caused, I didn’t hit anyone with my brow, and any loss, rather than going after it, I would rip off from my own peasants, and the ends would be in the water.
Prostakov. It’s true, brother: the whole neighborhood says that you are a master at collecting rent.
Mrs. Prostakova. At least you taught us, brother father; but we just can’t do it. Since we took away everything the peasants had, we can’t take anything back. Such a disaster!
Skotinin. Please, sister, I will teach you, I will teach you, just marry me to Sophia.
Mrs. Prostakova. Did you really like this girl that much?
Skotinin. No, it's not the girl I like.
Prostakov. So next door to her village?
Skotinin. And not the villages, but the fact that it is found in the villages and what my mortal desire is.
Mrs. Prostakova. Until what, brother?
Skotinin. I love pigs, sister, and in our neighborhood there are such large pigs that there is not a single one of them that, standing on its hind legs, would not be taller than each of us by a whole head.
Prostakov. It’s a strange thing, brother, how family can resemble family. Mitrofanushka is our uncle. And he was a hunter of pigs, just like you. When I was still three years old, when I saw a pig, I used to tremble with joy.
Skotinin. This is truly a curiosity! Well, brother, Mitrofan loves pigs because he is my nephew. There is some similarity here; Why am I so addicted to pigs?
Prostakov. And there is some similarity here, I think so.
Scene VI
Same with Sophia.
Sophia came in holding a letter in her hand and looking cheerful..
Ms. Prostakova (Sofya). Why are you so happy, mother? What are you happy about?
Sophia. I have now received good news. My uncle, about whom we knew nothing for so long, whom I love and honor as my father, recently arrived in Moscow. Here is the letter I have now received from him.
Mrs. Prostakova (frightened, with anger). How! Starodum, your uncle, is alive! And you deign to say that he has risen! That's a fair amount of fiction!
Sophia. Yes, he never died.
Mrs. Prostakova. Didn't die! But shouldn't he die? No, madam, these are your inventions, in order to intimidate us with your uncle, so that we give you freedom. Uncle is a smart man; he, seeing me in the wrong hands, will find a way to help me out. That's what you're glad about, madam; however, perhaps, don’t be very happy: your uncle, of course, did not resurrect.
Skotinin. Sister, what if he didn’t die?
Prostakov. God forbid he didn't die!
Mrs. Prostakova (to her husband). How did you not die? Why are you confusing grandma? Don’t you know that for several years now he has been commemorated by me in memorials for his repose? Surely my sinful prayers didn’t reach me! (To Sophia.) Perhaps a letter for me. (Almost throws up.) I bet it's some kind of amorous. And I can guess from whom. This is from the officer who was looking to marry you and whom you yourself wanted to marry. What a beast gives you letters without my asking! I'll get there. This is what we have come to. They write letters to the girls! The girls can read and write!
Sophia. Read it yourself, madam. You will see that nothing could be more innocent.
Mrs. Prostakova. Read it for yourself! No, madam, thank God, I was not brought up like that. I can receive letters, but I always tell someone else to read them. (To my husband.) Read.
Prostakov (staring for a long time). It's tricky.
Mrs. Prostakova. And you, my father, were apparently raised like a pretty girl. Brother, read it, work hard.
Skotinin. I? I haven't read anything in my life, sister! God saved me from this boredom.
Sophia. Let me read it.
Mrs. Prostakova. Oh mother! I know that you are a craftswoman, but I don’t really believe you. Here, I’m having tea, teacher Mitrofanushkin will come soon. I tell him...
Skotinin. Have you started teaching the youngster to read and write?
Mrs. Prostakova. Oh, dear brother! I've been studying for four years now. There’s nothing, it’s a sin to say that we don’t try to educate Mitrofanushka. We pay three teachers. The sexton from Pokrov, Kuteikin, comes to him to read and write. A retired sergeant, Tsyfirkin, teaches him arithmetics, father. Both of them come here from the city. The city is three miles away from us, father. He is taught French and all sciences by the German Adam Adamych Vralman. This is three hundred rubles a year. We seat you at the table with us. Our women wash his linen. Where needed - a horse. There is a glass of wine at the table. At night there is a tallow candle, and our Fomka sends the wig for nothing. To tell the truth, we are happy with him, dear brother. He doesn't oppress the child. Vit, my father, while Mitrofanushka is still undergrowth, sweat and pamper him; and there, in ten years, when he enters, God forbid, into service, he will suffer everything. As for anyone, happiness is destined for them, brother. From our family of Prostakovs, look, lying on their sides, they are flying to their ranks. Why is their Mitrofanushka worse? Bah! Yes, by the way, our dear guest came here.
Scene VII
Same with Pravdin.
Mrs. Prostakova. Brother, my friend! I recommend to you our dear guest, Mr. Pravdin; and to you, my lord, I recommend my brother.
Pravdin. I am glad to have made your acquaintance.
Skotinin. Okay, my lord! As for the last name, I didn’t hear it.
Pravdin. I call myself Pravdin so you can hear.
Skotinin. Which native, my lord? Where are the villages?
Pravdin. I was born in Moscow, if you need to know, and my villages are in the local governorship.
Skotinin. Do I dare ask, my sir—I don’t know my name and patronymic—are there pigs in your villages?
Mrs. Prostakova. That's enough, brother, let's start about pigs. Let's talk better about our grief. (To Pravdin.) Here, father! God told us to take the girl into our arms. She deigns to receive letters from her uncles. Uncles write to her from the other world. Do me a favor, my father, take the trouble to read it out loud to all of us.
Pravdin. Excuse me, madam. I never read letters without the permission of those to whom they are written.
Sophia. I ask you this. You will do me a great favor.
Pravdin. If you order. (Reads.) “Dear niece! My affairs forced me to live for several years in separation from my neighbors; and the distance deprived me of the pleasure of hearing about you. I am now in Moscow, having lived in Siberia for several years. I can serve as an example that you can make your own fortune through hard work and honesty. By these means, with the help of happiness, I earned ten thousand rubles in income...”
Skotinin and both Prostakovs. Ten thousand!
Pravdin (reading). “...to whom, my dear niece, I make you heir...”
Mrs. Prostakova. You as heiress!
Prostakov. Sophia is the heiress!
Skotinin. Her heiress!
Mrs. Prostakova (rushing to hug Sophia). Congratulations, Sofyushka! Congratulations, my soul! I'm overjoyed! Now you need a groom. I, I don’t wish for a better bride for Mitrofanushka. That's it, uncle! That's my dear father! I myself still thought that God was protecting him, that he was still alive.
Skotinin (extending his hand). Well, sister, quickly shake hands.
Mrs. Prostakova (quietly to Skotinin). Wait, brother. First you need to ask her if she still wants to marry you?
Skotinin. How! What a question! Are you really going to report to her?
Skotinin. And for what? Even if you read for five years, you won’t finish reading better than ten thousand.
Mrs. Prostakova (to Sophia). Sophia, my soul! let's go to my bedroom. I have an urgent need to talk to you. (Took Sophia away.)
Skotinin. Bah! So I see that today it is unlikely that there will be any conspiracy.
Scene VIII
Pravdin, Prostakov, Skotinin, servant.
Servant (to Prostakov, out of breath). Master! master! soldiers came and stopped in our village.
Prostakov. What a disaster! Well, they will ruin us completely!
Pravdin. What are you afraid of?
Prostakov. Ah, dear father! We've already seen the sights. I don’t dare show up to them.
Pravdin. Don't be afraid. They are, of course, led by an officer who will not allow any insolence. Come with me to him. I am sure that you are timid in vain.
Pravdin, Prostakov and the servant leave.
Skotinin. Everyone left me alone. The idea was to go for a walk in the barnyard.
End of the first act
Act two
Phenomenon I
Pravdin, Milon.
Milo. How glad I am, my dear friend, that I accidentally met you! Tell me in what case...
Pravdin. As a friend, I will tell you the reason for my stay here. I have been appointed a member of the local governorship. I have orders to travel around the local district; and besides, out of my own deed of heart, I do not allow myself to notice those malicious ignoramuses who, having complete power over their people, use it inhumanly for evil. You know the way of thinking of our governor. With what zeal does he help suffering humanity! With what zeal does he thus fulfill the philanthropic forms of the highest power! In our region we ourselves have experienced that where the governor is such as the governor is depicted in the Institution, there the welfare of the inhabitants is true and reliable. I've been living here for three days now. He found the landowner an infinite fool, and his wife a despicable fury, whose hellish disposition brings misfortune to their entire house. Are you thinking, my friend, tell me, how long did you stay here?
Milo. I'm leaving here in a few hours.
Pravdin. What's so soon? Rest.
Milo. I can't. I was ordered to lead the soldiers without delay... yes, moreover, I myself am eager to be in Moscow.
Pravdin. What is the reason?
Milo. I will tell you the secret of my heart, dear friend! I am in love and have the happiness of being loved. For more than six months I have been separated from the one who is dearer to me than anything else in the world, and what is even sadder is that I have not heard anything about her during all this time. Often, attributing the silence to her coldness, I was tormented by grief; but suddenly I received news that shocked me. They write to me that, after the death of her mother, some distant relatives took her to their villages. I don’t know: neither who, nor where. Perhaps she is now in the hands of some selfish people who, taking advantage of her orphanhood, are keeping her in tyranny. This thought alone makes me beside myself.
Pravdin. I see similar inhumanity in the house here. I am striving, however, to soon put limits on the wife’s malice and the husband’s stupidity. I have already notified our boss about all the local barbarities and I have no doubt that measures will be taken to calm them down.
Milo. Happy are you, my friend, being able to alleviate the fate of the unfortunate. I don’t know what to do in my sad situation.
Pravdin. Let me ask about her name.
Milon (delighted). A! here she is.
Phenomenon II
Same with Sophia.
Sophia (in admiration). Milon! Do I see you?
Pravdin. What happiness!
Milo. This is the one who owns my heart. Dear Sophia! Tell me, how do I find you here?
Sophia. How many sorrows have I endured since the day of our separation! My unscrupulous relatives...
Pravdin. My friend! Don’t ask about how much she regrets... You will learn from me what rudeness...
Milo. Unworthy people!
Sophia. Today, however, for the first time the local landlady changed her behavior towards me. Having heard that my uncle was making me an heir, she suddenly turned from being rude and scolding to the point of being affectionate to the point of being mean, and I can see from all her innuendos that she intends me to be his son’s bride.
Milon (impatiently). And you didn’t show her complete contempt at the same time?...
Sophia. No…
Milo. And you didn’t tell her that you had a commitment from the heart, that...
Sophia. No.
Milo. A! now I see my destruction. My opponent is happy! I do not deny all the merits in it. He may be reasonable, enlightened, kind; but so that you can compare with me in my love for you, so that...
Sophia (grinning). My God! If you saw him, your jealousy would drive you to the extreme!
Milo (indignantly). I imagine all its virtues.
Sophia. You can’t even imagine everyone. Although he is sixteen years old, he has already reached the last degree of his perfection and will not go any further.
Pravdin. How can it not go further, madam? He finishes studying the Book of Hours; and there, one must think, they will start working on the Psalter.
Milo. How! Is this my opponent? And, dear Sophia, why do you torment me with a joke? You know how easily a passionate person is upset by the slightest suspicion.
Sophia. Think how miserable my condition is! I couldn’t answer this stupid proposal decisively. In order to get rid of their rudeness, in order to have some freedom, I was forced to hide my feelings.
Milo. What did you answer her?
Here Skotinin walks through the theater, lost in thought, and no one sees him.
Sophia. I said that my fate depended on my uncle’s will, that he himself promised to come here in his letter, which (to Pravdin) didn't let you finish reading, sir Skotinin.
Milo. Skotinin!
Skotinin. I!
Scene III
Same with Skotinin.
Pravdin. How did you sneak up, Mr. Skotinin! I would not expect this from you.
Skotinin. I passed by you. I heard that they were calling me, and I responded. I have this custom: whoever screams - Skotinin! And I told him: I am! What are you, brothers, really? I myself served in the guard and was retired as a corporal. It used to be that at the roll call they would shout: Taras Skotinin! And I shout at the top of my lungs: I am!
Pravdin. We didn’t call you now, and you can go where you were going.
Skotinin. I wasn’t going anywhere, but wandering around, lost in thought. I have such a custom that if I get into my head, I can’t knock it out with a nail. In my mind, you hear, what came into my mind is stuck here. That’s all I think about, that’s all I see in a dream, as if in reality, and in reality, as in a dream.
Pravdin. Why would you be so interested now?
Skotinin. Oh, brother, you are my dear friend! Miracles are happening to me. My sister quickly took me from my village to hers, and if she just as quickly takes me from her village to mine, then I can say in front of the whole world with a clear conscience: I went for nothing, I brought nothing.
Pravdin. What a pity, Mr. Skotinin! Your sister plays with you like a ball.
Skotinin (angry). How about a ball? God protect! Yes, I myself will throw it so that the whole village will not find it in a week.
Sophia. Oh, how angry you are!
Milo. What happened to you?
Skotinin. You yourself smart man, think about it. My sister brought me here to get married. Now she herself came up with a challenge: “What do you want, brother, in a wife; If only you had a good pig, brother.” No, sister! I want to have my own piglets. You can't fool me.
Pravdin. It seems to me myself, Mr. Skotinin, that your sister is thinking about a wedding, but not about yours.
Skotinin. What a parable! I am not a hindrance to anyone else. Everyone should marry his bride. I won’t touch someone else’s, and don’t touch mine. (Sofya.) Don't worry, darling. No one will interrupt you from me.
Sophia. What does this mean? Here's something new!
Milo (screamed). What audacity!
Skotinin (to Sophia). Why are you afraid?
Pravdin (to Milan). How can you be angry with Skotinin!
Sophia (to Skotinina). Am I really destined to be your wife?
Milo. I can hardly resist!
Skotinin. You can’t beat your betrothed with a horse, darling! It's a sin to blame for your own happiness. You will live happily ever after with me. Ten thousand to your income! Eco happiness has arrived; Yes, I have never seen so much since I was born; Yes, I will buy all the pigs from the world with them; Yes, you hear me, I’ll do it so that everyone will blow the trumpet: in this little area around here there are only pigs to live.
Pravdin. When only your cattle can be happy, then your wife will have bad peace from them and from you.
Skotinin. Poor peace! bah! bah! bah! Don't I have enough light rooms? I’ll give her a coal stove and a bed for her alone. You are my dear friend! If now, without seeing anything, I have a special bite for each pig, then I’ll find a light for my wife.
Milo. What a bestial comparison!
Pravdin (to Skotinin). Nothing will happen, Mr. Skotinin! I will tell you that your sister will read it for her son.
Skotinin. How! The nephew should interrupt his uncle! Yes, I’ll break him like hell at the first meeting. Well, if I’m a pig’s son, if I’m not her husband, or Mitrofan is a freak.
The same and both Prostakovs.
Ms. Prostakova(to my husband, walking). There is nothing to distort here. All your life, sir, you walk with your ears hanging open.
Prostakov. Yes, he and Pravdin disappeared from my eyes. What is my fault?
Ms. Prostakova(to Milo). A! my father! Mr. Officer! I was now looking for you all over the village; I knocked my husband off his feet to bring you, father, the lowest gratitude for your good command.
Milo. For what, madam?
Mrs. Prostakova. Why, my father! The soldiers are so kind. Until now, no one has touched a hair. Don’t be angry, my father, that my freak missed you. From birth he doesn’t know how to treat anyone. I was born so young, my father.
Milo. I don't blame you at all, madam.
Mrs. Prostakova. He, my father, is suffering from what we call here, tetanus. Sometimes, with his eyes wide open, he stands rooted to the spot for an hour. I didn’t do anything with him; what he couldn’t put up with from me! You won't get through anything. If the tetanus goes away, then, my father, it will become so bad that you ask God for tetanus again.
Pravdin. At least, madam, you cannot complain about his evil disposition. He is humble. ..
Mrs. Prostakova. Like a calf, my father, that’s why everything in our house is spoiled. After all, it does not make sense for him to have severity in the house, to punish the guilty. I manage everything myself, father. From morning to evening, like someone hanged by the tongue, I don’t lay down my hands: I scold, I fight; This is how the house holds together, my father!
Pravdin(to the side). Soon he will behave differently.
Mitrofan. And today mother spent the whole morning fussing with the slaves.
Ms. Prostakova(to Sophia). I was cleaning the chambers for your dear uncle. I'm dying, I want to see this venerable old man. I've heard a lot about him. And his villains only say that he is a little gloomy, and so reasonable, and if he loves someone, he will love him directly.
Pravdin. And whoever he does not love is a bad person. (To Sophia.) I myself have the honor of knowing your uncle. And besides, I heard things about him from many that instilled in my soul true respect for him. What is called sullenness and rudeness in him is one effect of his straightforwardness. From birth his tongue did not say “yes” when his soul felt “no”.
Sophia. But he had to earn his happiness through hard work.
Mrs. Prostakova. God's mercy is upon us that we succeeded. I wish for nothing more than his fatherly mercy towards Mitrofanushka. Sophia, my soul! Would you like to look at your uncle's room?
Sophia leaves.
Mrs. Prostakova. I'm gaping again, my father; yes, sir, please see her off. My legs didn't go away.
Prostakov(leaving). They didn’t weaken, but they gave way.
Ms. Prostakova(to guests). My only concern, my only joy is Mitrofanushka. My age is passing. I'm preparing him for people.
Here Kuteikin appears with a book of hours, and Tsyfirkin with a slate board and a stylus. Both of them make signs and ask Eremeevna: should I come in? She beckons them, but Mitrofan waves them away.
Ms. Prostakova(not seeing them, continues). Perhaps the Lord is merciful, and happiness is destined for him.
Pravdin. Look around, madam, what is happening behind you!
Mrs. Prostakova. A! This, father, is Mitrofanushkin’s teachers, Sidorich Kuteikin...
Eremeevna. And Pafnutich Tsyfirkin.
Mitrofan(to the side). Shot them with Eremeevna too.
Kuteikin. Peace to the lord's house and many years of joy to the children and household. Tsyfirkin. We wish your honor good health for a hundred years, yes twenty, and even fifteen, countless years.
Milo. Bah! This is our serving brother! Where did it come from, my friend?
Tsyfirkin. There was a garrison, your honor! And now I’ve gone clean.
Milo. What do you eat?
Tsyfirkin. Yes, somehow, your honor! I indulge in a little bit of arithmetics, so I eat in the city near the clerks at the counting departments. God has not revealed science to everyone: so those who don’t understand it themselves hire me to either believe it or sum it up. That's what I eat; I don’t like to live idly. I teach children in my spare time. So their nobleness and the guy have been struggling with broken parts for three years, but something doesn’t stick well; Well, it’s true, man does not come to man.
Mrs. Prostakova. What? Why are you lying, Pafnutich? I didn't listen.
Tsyfirkin. So. I reported to his honor that in ten years you cannot hammer into another stump what another catches in flight.
Pravdin(to Kuteikin). And you, Mr. Kuteikin, aren’t you one of the scientists? Kuteikin. Of the scientists, your honor! Seminaries of the local diocese. I went as far as rhetoric, but God willing, I came back. He submitted a petition to the consistory, in which he wrote: “Such and such a seminarian, one of the church children, fearing the abyss of wisdom, asks her to be dismissed.” To which a merciful resolution soon followed, with the note: “Such and such a seminarian should be dismissed from all teaching: for it is written, do not throw pearls before swine, lest they trample him underfoot.”
Mrs. Prostakova. Where is our Adam Adamych?
Eremeevna. I tried to push myself towards him, but forcibly carried away my legs. Pillar of smoke, my mother! Damn, he strangled him with tobacco. Such a sinner.
Kuteikin. Empty, Eremeevna! There is no sin in smoking tobacco.
Pravdin(to the side). Kuteikin is also smart!
Kuteikin. In many books it is allowed: in the psalter it is precisely printed: “And the grain is for the service of man.”
Pravdin. Well, where else?
Kuteikin. And in another psalter the same thing is printed. Our archpriest has a small one in eighth, and the same in that one.
Pravdin(to Mrs. Prostakova). I don’t want to interfere with your son’s exercises; humble servant.
Milo. Neither do I, madam.
Mrs. Prostakova. Where are you going, my lords?..
Pravdin. I'll take him to my room. Friends who haven't seen each other for a long time have a lot to talk about.
Mrs. Prostakova. Where would you like to eat, with us or in your room? We just had our own family at the table, with Sophia...
Milo. With you, with you, madam.
Pravdin. We will both have this honor.
Fonvizin Denis Ivanovich
Minor
Denis Ivanovich Fonvizin
UNDERGROUND
Comedy in five acts.
CHARACTERS: Simpletons. Ms.* Prostakova, his wife. Mitrofan, their son, is an undergrowth. ** Eremeevna, mother*** Mitrofanova. Pravdin. Starodum. Sophia, Starodum's niece. Milo. Mr. Skotinin, brother of Mrs. Prostakova. Kuteikin, seminarian. Tsyfirkin, retired sergeant. Vralman, teacher. Trishka, tailor. Prostakov's servant. Starodum's valet. Action in the village of Prostakovs.
* Ms. - an abbreviated spelling of the word "madam". Subsequently, a more common abbreviation was adopted - Ms. ** This was the official name given to nobles, mostly young people who had not received an education document and had not entered the service. At the same time, the word “minor” meant any nobleman who had not reached the age of majority. *** Mom, that is, the nurse.
ACT ONE
APPEARANCE I Ms. Prostakova, Mitrofan, Eremeevna Ms. Prostakova (examining the caftan on Mitrofan). The caftan is all ruined. Eremeevna, bring the swindler Trishka here. (Eremeevna moves away.) He, the thief, has burdened him everywhere. Mitrofanushka, my friend, I tea, it’s pressing you to death. Call your father here. Mitrofan leaves.
SCENE II Ms. Prostakova, Eremeevna, Trishka Ms. Prostakova (Trishke). And you, brute, come closer. Didn’t I tell you, you thieving mug, that you should make your caftan wider? The child, the first, grows, the other, a child without a narrow caftan of delicate build. Tell me, idiot, what is your excuse? Trishka. But, madam, I was self-taught. I reported to you at the same time: well, if you please, give it to the tailor. Mrs. Prostakova. So is it necessary to be a tailor to be able to sew a caftan well? What bestial reasoning! Trishka. But the tailor studied, madam, but I didn’t. Mrs. Prostakova. He also argues. A tailor learned from another, another from a third, but who did the first tailor learn from? Speak up, beast. Trishka. Yes, the first tailor, perhaps, sewed worse than mine. Mitrofan (runs in). I called my father. I deigned to say: immediately. Mrs. Prostakova. So go and get him out if you don’t get the good stuff. Mitrofan. Yes, here comes the father.
SCENE III The same and Prostakov Ms. Prostakova. What, why do you want to hide from me? This, sir, is how far I have lived with your indulgence. What's a new thing for a son to do with his uncle's agreement? What kind of caftan did Trishka deign to sew? Prostakov (stammering out of timidity). A little baggy. Mrs. Prostakova. You yourself are baggy, smart head. Prostakov. Yes, I thought, mother, that it seemed so to you. Mrs. Prostakova. Are you blind yourself? Prostakov. With your eyes, mine see nothing. Mrs. Prostakova. This is the kind of hubby God blessed me with: he doesn’t know how to figure out what’s wide and what’s narrow. Prostakov. In this, mother, I believed you and still believe you. Mrs. Prostakova. So believe also that I do not intend to indulge the slaves. Go, sir, and punish now...
SCENE IV The same and Skotinin Skotinin. Whom? for what? On the day of my conspiracy! I ask you, sister, for such a holiday to postpone the punishment until tomorrow; and tomorrow, if you please, I myself will willingly help. If I weren’t Taras Skotinin, if not every fault is my fault. In this, sister, I have the same custom as you. Why are you so angry? Mrs. Prostakova. Well, brother, I’ll go crazy on your eyes. Mitrofanushka, come here. Is this caftan baggy? Skotinin. No. Prostakov. Yes, I can already see, mother, that it is narrow. Skotinin. I don't see that either. The caftan, brother, is quite well made. Mrs. Prostakova (Trishke). Get out, you bastard. (Eremeevna.) Come on, Eremeevna, let the child have breakfast. After all, I hope the teachers will come soon. Eremeevna. He already, mother, deigned to eat five buns. Mrs. Prostakova. So you feel sorry for the sixth one, beast? What zeal! Please take a look. Eremeevna. Cheers, mother. I said this for Mitrofan Terentyevich. I grieved until the morning. Mrs. Prostakova. Oh, mother of God! What happened to you, Mitrofanushka? Mitrofan. Yes, mother. Yesterday after dinner it hit me. Skotinin. Yes, apparently, brother, you had a hearty dinner. Mitrofan. And I, uncle, almost didn’t have dinner at all. Prostakov. I remember, my friend, you wanted to eat something. Mitrofan. What! Three slices of corned beef, and hearth slices, I don’t remember, five, I don’t remember, six. Eremeevna. Every now and then he asked for a drink at night. I deigned to eat a whole jug of kvass. Mitrofan. And now I’m walking around like crazy. All night such rubbish was in my eyes. Mrs. Prostakova. What rubbish, Mitrofanushka? Mitrofan. Yes, either you, mother, or father. Mrs. Prostakova. How is this possible? Mitrofan. As soon as I start to fall asleep, I see that you, mother, deign to beat father. Prostakov (aside). Well! my misfortune! sleep in hand! Mitrofan (softened up). So I felt sorry. Mrs. Prostakova (with annoyance). Who, Mitrofanushka? Mitrofan. You, mother: you are so tired, beating your father. Mrs. Prostakova. Surround me, my dear friend! Here, son, is my only consolation. Skotinin. Well, Mitrofanushka! You, I see, are a mother’s son, not a father’s son. Prostakov. At least I love him, as a parent should, he’s a smart child, he’s a sensible child, he’s funny, he’s an entertainer; sometimes I am beside myself with him, with joy I truly don’t believe that he is my son, Skotinin. Only now our funny man is standing there, frowning. Mrs. Prostakova. Shouldn't we send for a doctor to the city? Mitrofan. No, no, mother. I'd rather get better on my own. Now I’ll run to the dovecote, maybe... Mrs. Prostakova. So maybe God is merciful. Go and have some fun, Mitrofanushka. Mitrofan and Eremeevna leave.
SCENE V Ms. Prostakova, Prostakov, Skotinin Skotinin. Why can't I see my bride? Where is she? There will be an agreement in the evening, so isn’t it time to tell her that they are marrying her off? Mrs. Prostakova. We'll make it, brother. If we tell her this ahead of time, she may still think that we are reporting to her. Although by marriage, however, I am related to her; and I love that strangers listen to me. Prostakov (to Skotinin). To tell the truth, we treated Sophia like an orphan. After her father she remained a baby. About six months ago, her mother, and my in-law, had a stroke... Mrs. Prostakova (shows as if she is baptizing her heart). The power of the god is with us. Prostakov. From which she went to the next world. Her uncle, Mr. Starodum, went to Siberia; and since there has been no rumor or news of him for several years now, we consider him dead. We, seeing that she was left alone, took her to our village and look after her estate as if it were our own. Mrs. Prostakova. Why are you so spoiled today, my father? My brother might also think that we took her in for fun. Prostakov. Well, mother, how should he think about this? After all, we can’t move Sofyushkino’s real estate estate to ourselves. Skotinin. And although the movable has been put forward, I am not a petitioner. I don’t like to bother, and I’m afraid. No matter how much my neighbors offended me, no matter how much loss they caused, I didn’t hit anyone with my brow, and any loss, rather than going after it, I would rip off from my own peasants, and the ends would be in the water. Prostakov. It’s true, brother: the whole neighborhood says that you are a master at collecting rent. Mrs. Prostakova. If only you could teach us, brother father; but we just can’t do it. Since we took away everything the peasants had, we can’t take anything back. Such a disaster! Skotinin. Please, sister, I will teach you, I will teach you, just marry me to Sophia. Mrs. Prostakova. Did you really like this girl that much? Skotinin. No, it's not the girl I like. Prostakov. So next door to her village? Skotinin. And not the villages, but the fact that it is found in the villages and what my mortal desire is. Mrs. Prostakova. Until what, brother? Skotinin. I love pigs, sister, and in our neighborhood there are such large pigs that there is not a single one of them that, standing on its hind legs, would not be taller than each of us by a whole head. Prostakov. It’s a strange thing, brother, how family can resemble family! Our Mitrofanushka is just like our uncle - and he is as big a hunter as you are. When I was still three years old, when I saw a pig, I used to tremble with joy. Skotinin. This is truly a curiosity! Well, brother, Mitrofan loves pigs because he is my nephew. There is some similarity here; Why am I so addicted to pigs? Prostakov. And there is some similarity here. That's how I reason.
Denis Ivanovich Fonvizin
Minor
MinorDenis Ivanovich Fonvizin
List school literature 7-8 grade
The book includes D. I. Fonvizin’s comedy “The Minor,” which is required reading and study in secondary schools.
Denis Ivanovich Fonvizin
Minor
Comedy in five acts
Characters
Prostakov.
Mrs. Prostakova, his wife.
Mitrofan, their son, is an undergrowth.
Eremeevna, Mitrofanov’s mother.
Pravdin.
Starodum.
Sophia, Starodum's niece.
Skotinin, brother of Mrs. Prostakova.
Kuteikin, seminarian.
Tsyfirkin, retired sergeant.
Vralman, teacher.
Trishka, tailor.
Prostakov's servant.
Starodum's valet.
Action in the village of Prostakovs.
Act one
Phenomenon I
Mrs. Prostakova, Mitrofan, Eremeevna.
Mrs. Prostakova (examining the caftan on Mitrofan). The caftan is all ruined. Eremeevna, bring the swindler Trishka here. (Eremeevna moves away.) He, the thief, has burdened him everywhere. Mitrofanushka, my friend! I'm guessing you're dying. Call your father here.
Mitrofan leaves.
Phenomenon II
Mrs. Prostakova, Eremeevna, Trishka.
Mrs. Prostakova (Trishke). And you, brute, come closer. Didn’t I tell you, you thieving mug, that you should make your caftan wider? The first child grows; another, a child and without a narrow caftan of delicate build. Tell me, idiot, what is your excuse?
Trishka. But, madam, I was self-taught. I reported to you at the same time: well, if you please, give it to the tailor.
Mrs. Prostakova. So is it necessary to be a tailor to be able to sew a caftan well? What bestial reasoning!
Trishka. Yes, I studied to be a tailor, madam, but I didn’t.
Mrs. Prostakova. While searching, he argues. A tailor learned from another, another from a third, but who did the first tailor learn from? Speak up, beast.
Trishka. Yes, the first tailor, perhaps, sewed worse than mine.
Mitrofan (runs in). I called my father. I deigned to say: immediately.
Mrs. Prostakova. So go and get him out if you don’t get the good stuff.
Mitrofan. Yes, here comes the father.
Scene III
Same with Prostakov.
Mrs. Prostakova. What, why do you want to hide from me? This, sir, is how far I have lived with your indulgence. What's a new thing for a son to do with his uncle's agreement? What kind of caftan did Trishka deign to sew?
Prostakov (stammering out of timidity). Me... a little baggy.
Mrs. Prostakova. You yourself are baggy, smart head.
Prostakov. Yes, I thought, mother, that it seemed so to you.
Mrs. Prostakova. Are you blind yourself?
Prostakov. With your eyes, mine see nothing.
Mrs. Prostakova. This is the kind of hubby the Lord gave me: he doesn’t know how to figure out what’s wide and what’s narrow.
Prostakov. In this, mother, I believed and believe you.
Mrs. Prostakova. So believe also that I do not intend to indulge the slaves. Go, sir, and punish now...