My husband left. How to cope and what to do if your husband leaves? Most women who have been married since their youth are not ready for their husbands to leave. What caused the breakup is not so important, one thing is clear - loneliness for such wives is worse than any punishment! It is difficult to survive the departure of a loved one, habit and all that greatly undermines the psyche, which is why some have nervous breakdowns, hysterics and even suicide. I would like to help such wives to bear the current situation with pride, not to fall face down in front of others and continue life anew!
How to behave after your husband leaves?
The first thing you shouldn’t do is wait for your husband to return! Such a wait can be very long and lead to madness. Try to find a use for yourself - take care of your children, grandchildren, remember your interests, hobbies, go visit distant relatives. In general, do things that will remind you of your husband as little as possible. read...
Take care of your appearance, radically change your style and hairstyle, this will help raise your self-esteem and distract yourself. In addition, a well-groomed woman at any age will attract the attention of men, which you will soon need, because in any case you can still start a new family - remember this!
If you saw your ex-husband with another woman
Behave with dignity in public, especially if you meet your ex, and even with another woman. People around you should not think that you are an unbalanced and mental person, let your husband see once again what a beauty he left behind!
My husband will take a walk and come back
When communicating with friends, do not stoop to swearing at your husband and do not throw mud at him. It may happen that your husband really “takes a walk and returns”, and then you yourself will feel embarrassed that you accepted “such a bad thing” back with open arms; it’s better not to say anything at all about your relationship.
I'm ashamed that my husband left me
Many women feel ashamed after their husband leaves them. It is difficult for them to overcome that fear of meeting friends, walking down the street, because she understands that everyone will whisper after her that she is “abandoned.” In fact, everything is not like that! Of course, there will be people who will say nasty things to you, but they will talk and remain silent. For whatever reason your husband leaves you, this is only your business, a family matter, and you are not answerable to anyone! Stay proud and love yourself!
Since your husband has left you, you shouldn’t give up.
Well, and finally, I would like to say, since your husband has left you, it is not yet known who is lucky... Try to improve your life without him, perhaps you lived for so many years with the completely wrong person who was destined for you by fate, and you weren’t actually happy , we just didn’t notice it...
How to overcome depression after a breakup?
Most people are familiar with the situation when, for one reason or another, relationships with lovers end. It doesn’t matter how long they lasted, the only thing that matters is how strong the feelings were between the two lovers. Sometimes, after many years of a measured life together, it is easier to break up than after two months of strong and mutual love.
However, there are several ways to banish your depression and heal your broken heart. Often, a simple formal separation from a person in words is not enough. It is necessary to let go of his image, all feelings towards him and memories associated with him.
Emotional Healing Techniques After Your Husband Leaves
How quickly a person is able to let go of the situation and another person depends only on himself. After all, you can cry into your pillow for months, or even years, remembering the days spent together. Therefore, first of all, you need to sort out the whole situation yourself.
A clear definition is needed:
Your own thoughts about this person;
Your own feelings after remembering the relationships that have developed (and could not have developed) with him;
Your own feelings experienced after a breakup.
You need to formulate answers to these questions and write them down. They will help you understand your feelings and sensations, and then relieve accumulated emotional stress.
A similar method is to write down on paper all your negative thoughts about the person with whom you broke up, and about the event in general, and burn it. This is how a person symbolically lets go of the situation, frees himself from the burden that weighs him down.
These methods are called “emotional”, because associated with a person’s internal state, his thoughts and experiences.
Intellectual methods of healing after the departure of a husband
Each person is an individual with complex components. These include:
Interests;
Hobbies, hobbies;
Capabilities.
These components are different for all people. Some people are interested in reading books in a calm environment, attending lectures and learning something new, while others love the drive and jump from a parachute, experiencing delight and admiration. All people are individual. This is exactly what you should never forget.
When people are in a relationship, most of them forget about their individuality and characteristics. They begin to dissolve in their partner, thinking about him day and night, living with him. And after parting, there is an emotional shock, which often turns into paranoia. A person begins to be haunted by thoughts about his ex-partner more often and this only aggravates the situation.
Such consequences can be corrected independently. You just need to remember those basic elements presented above that make up human uniqueness. A person should remember his hobbies, do what he loves, or, if he doesn’t have any, find a hobby that he likes.
Very often you can see such a life situation when a husband and wife begin to reproach each other during a quarrel. For example, they begin to reproach their partner for the fact that because of their marriage, relationship, etc. they couldn’t open their own business, find their dream job, dropped out of school for some family reasons or moved to another country, leaving their previous life, etc.
Such relationships are usually destructive and do not bring moral satisfaction to either partner. To prevent this from happening, it is important to remember that in a relationship you should not forget about yourself, your own needs and goals.
When a person is busy doing what he loves, it brings him moral pleasure from life, increases his self-worth, and helps him escape from pressing problems. Breakups are no exception.
As already mentioned, parting with a loved one awakens all the negative emotions in a person. Some even have a reluctance to live further. In this case, interesting activities are an effective cure.
For example, sports. Scientists have proven that when playing sports, a person’s feelings of apathy and depression will disappear, motivation will arise, the desire to create and live life to the fullest. In addition, sport helps improve the level of physical well-being of the body, as well as mental health.
In conclusion, it is important to note: breaking up with a person does not mean something bad. Very often you need to let go of your past, close one door so that many others can open.
Why do marriages break up and how to prevent it?
According to statistics, 50% of marriages break up. Of course, the reasons for this phenomenon are very diverse, but some pattern can still be identified. Although the reasons for the collapse can be characterized in some way, there is still no one universal way to resolve this situation; each case should be considered separately. But at the same time, there are things that are worth thinking about in advance, and perhaps in the future they will help prevent a similar situation.
The husband started an affair and left the family
The question arises, what to do about this. Firstly, if you look at the root of the situation, one conclusion suggests itself: there is no need to rush. You should not rush to the first person you meet and think that you will spend your whole life with him. You need to look at things adequately and understand that relationships, and especially marriage, are hard work that both parties must do, and sometimes, not only falling in love, but also true love is not enough if the partners are not ready to work on this area of their lives.
But this problem would not exist if everything stopped at this stage. Therefore, it is worth considering the case when two people are already married and realize that something is wrong. That feelings cooled down, perhaps they began to spend less time together. At this point, it is worth, firstly, to look into yourself and understand what this relationship is. You should also talk to your partner. If both partners understand that nothing will come of this, then this is far from a bad situation, because both will not have to waste any more time, and they will have the opportunity to build their lives further. If stopping everything is not an option, then you need to get serious about working on it.
The husband lost interest in his wife and left
Many marriages break up due to the birth of a child. Some people simply cannot stand their psyche and, first of all, they cannot cope with their problems, for which they can also blame their partner, who, in their opinion, does not pay enough attention to them. With the birth of a child, some men may lose interest in a woman who is completely immersed in caring for the child, has forgotten about taking care of herself, and what can we say about attention to her husband. In this case, a woman needs to understand that the child is not the center of her universe if she wants to maintain a complete family. The child will be much better off if the parents have a good relationship. Also, a woman should teach a man to spend time with the child in order to bring them closer.
But you should never stay together just because of the child. If a couple has good reason to believe that nothing else holds them in marriage except a child, then it would be better to separate. The presence of constant discord in the family will affect the mental health of the child to a much worse extent than living with only one of the parents.
My husband left because of family life
If a partner recognizes the other partner’s boredom as a problem, you should find out whether there is still love left in this relationship. If not, you shouldn’t continue to torment each other, but if so, then a good family psychologist can correct the situation.
Husband left because of violence from his wife
This is the only reason you shouldn't hesitate. If manifestations of physical or psychological violence in a relationship become frequent or even cross the line, it is useless to work on the relationship in most cases; you need to seek a divorce before the situation gets worse.
There are no general rules for solving all problems of human life. Each situation requires a detailed approach and the ability to objectively analyze it. Therefore, even relying on existing experience and some classifications of situations and possible options for resolving them, you should always keep your eyes open.
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Any woman needs a lot of time to survive and understand what happened.
According to UN statistics for 2011, Russia ranks first in the number of divorces in the world. Every second officially registered marriage breaks up. This means that there are many women who have gone through this test. Similar problems are faced all over the world. You need to understand that divorce is not the end, but a new beginning.
If family life lasted a long time and had emotional and spiritual significance for a person, then an unexpected breakup is always stress, which is experienced as grief.
Women react differently to divorce, but everyone goes through certain stages. The whole sequence of experiences is similar to what people experience after the death of a loved one. In a sense, divorce can be seen as the “death” of the family.
The threads of human relationships cannot be severed overnight, leaving no trace, simply after signing a legal document. It takes months and even years to start living fully again.
Experiences after divorce have several phases. Depending on the phase you are currently in, recommendations from psychologists that correspond to your condition will help. The time frame of the phases is arbitrary, since divorce and the relationships that precede it can be confusing, full of hope and despair, replacing each other. Therefore, some phases may be delayed.
Shock phase
Shock is the initial reaction of any person to grief. The shock usually lasts from a few minutes to several months, but most often it lasts about 10-12 days.
At this time it is not easy to believe at all what happened. For example, you found out about the betrayal, or he announced that he wanted a divorce and left. It’s impossible to even just believe it.
Having friends and loved ones around you can help. If you can tell someone about what happened, express your feelings, maybe cry a lot, you may feel that it has become at least a little easier.
Phase of depression and conscious suffering
On average, this period lasts 8-9 weeks. This is a time of mental tossing and worry, when the feeling of the meaninglessness of life, loneliness, fear and helplessness is fully manifested. A woman left alone after a divorce or breakup with her loved one usually experiences many conflicting feelings.
If you are currently going through this critical period of your life, you are most likely familiar with a variety of feelings that seem to be tangled up in a ball. This is a feeling of guilt for not keeping my husband and not saving the family, and pain, and resentment, and bewilderment. Emotions overwhelm and make it difficult to sort things out. Try to understand and see your experiences from the outside. Friends and family who will be willing to listen to you can help during this period. Try to talk it out, don't keep your feelings to yourself.
Strong feelings are very unproductive. It can become destructive if you dive into it headlong. Psychologists working with people who have experienced divorce have found that mental anguish, as a rule, ends when a person stops blaming only himself for failure and begins to understand that in order to lead a family to collapse, two people are needed.
Don't focus only on your experiences. Remember that there are people around you who are also having a hard time. These are, for example, your children who are having a hard time with what is happening. They need a father they love. Therefore, reassure the children that they will be able to see dad quite often. It is also important, despite your suffering, to begin to make plans for your future life and find support in yourself.
Residual phase
It lasts about a year after the divorce. At this stage, the experience of grief does not dominate; it sometimes appears in the form of small but strong emotional shocks. The reason for them could be a chance meeting with her husband, some events - for example, the first birthday without him, the first new year without her husband.
Another difficulty in experiencing the phase of residual effects after a divorce is that, as a rule, there are quite a lot of reminders of your husband - mutual friends, relatives, the ability to talk on the phone at any time. On the one hand, these are difficult reminders of loss, and on the other, an opportunity to gradually get used to a new relationship. Divorce is complicated because focusing on the husband’s best qualities does not happen often and soon.
Completion phase
It comes in about a year. Now, remembering the breakup, the woman no longer experiences grief, but sadness - a feeling of a completely different nature.
Time heals spiritual wounds. You develop the habit of coping with problems alone and joy if you succeed. Self-esteem is restored. After a year or two, the need for new love arises again.
Psychological work is considered close to completion when you gain hope and the ability to make plans for the future. Unexpectedly, you begin to look forward instead of looking back, and you also realize that obsessive thoughts have stopped - you no longer expect to get your marriage back, you understand that you can live a full life.
Pain gives way to hope. It turns out that life after divorce really exists. Your future appears brighter through the lens of the suffering you have endured.
Tips on how to get over a breakup easier
1.When you leave, go away!
Don't look for meetings with your ex-husband. Yes, you really want to tell him everything you think about him, find out what it’s like for him without you, and so on. But the fact is that for the first time after breaking up, you simply will not be able to communicate with him without a flurry of emotions and mutual insults, which is fraught with scandals that will not bring anything good and will only add negative experiences.
2. Take action!
Try to immediately change the situation, start taking action. For example, now no one will interfere with remodeling the way you want. You can even start renovations. If, after the divorce, you moved in with your parents, then immediately begin to establish a comfortable life there. The main thing is not to “freeze” yourself, but to act.
3. Excitement won't help
You should not try to survive a divorce by immersing yourself in destructive entertainment. No noisy parties or nightclubs for the first time - it’s better to wait a little. At first glance, it seems that reckless fun will distract you from thoughts about the past, from thoughts about divorce. Perhaps this will really help, but for a very short time, after which depression will come with renewed vigor.
4. Urgently - to the beauty salon!
Take care of your appearance. Do it for yourself simply because you love yourself and can easily pamper yourself with pleasant cosmetic procedures. This will help distract you; in addition, your internal state and external appearance are closely interrelated. Once you lose your shape, it will be difficult to regain it later. Then, in addition to the mental pain associated with divorce, sadness over the blurred figure will be added. But you will need an irresistible appearance when, after going through a divorce, you begin to look for a more worthy man.
5. You can't step into the same river twice
Almost all women, a short time after a divorce, want to get their ex-husband back, forgiving him everything. Resist this urge - first, cool down a little. Only if the persistent desire to return your ex-husband has not disappeared even six months after the divorce, you can try. If the intention to return him has disappeared, then parting for you is only for the good.
6. Wedge with wedge - it doesn’t work!
In the first time after a divorce, try not to have affairs. It is generally accepted that this is the best way out of the situation. However, the romance, started soon after the breakup, is doomed to failure. Having started an affair with a man immediately after a divorce, you will subconsciously compare him with your former lover, begin to find fault and make comments to him, get angry, look for shortcomings in your new partner and get nervous. This dooms any relationship to failure, and upon separation, it will add another serious psychological trauma to you. Which will not only negate attempts to survive the divorce with dignity, but will also aggravate the situation.
7. Healing dream
Healthy sleep helps against all illnesses, including mental trauma. In the early days after a divorce, it is especially important to get enough sleep. The more you sleep, the faster you will restore peace of mind after a breakup.
8. Alcohol is not allowed!
Do not under any circumstances try to drown your grief in alcohol. Alcohol does not so much lift the mood as enhance the existing one. If you're depressed after a breakup, alcohol will make it worse. Even if it is able to cause a short-lived feeling of euphoria, then all the problems will return along with a hangover, which will only worsen the pain.
It has been proven that after a divorce, a woman often faces the real possibility of drinking herself to death, so avoid alcohol three miles away. Don’t destroy yourself and don’t bring joy to your rival (if your husband left you for his mistress, she will only be happy about your problems).
9. Don't blame yourself
If you have children, then there is no need to blame yourself for the fact that they were left by their father - it is not your fault. Children now really need your attention, since divorce is extremely stressful for them too.
Summing up
Going through a divorce is actually not as scary as it seems at first glance. You just need to pull yourself together and not indulge your weaknesses. You shouldn’t withdraw into yourself, sit back and bury yourself ahead of time, deciding that nothing good awaits you anymore.
In a few years, you will not even remember this separation, and perhaps you will laugh at your own experiences. But in order to survive a divorce with dignity, you will have to work on yourself. What kind of person you will be in a few years, what place you will take in life, whether you will find another man - in many ways it depends entirely on you.
Here's a comforting fact for those who are going through the first phases after a divorce: after a while, most women regret that they lost so much precious time in an unsuccessful union and did not file for divorce themselves.
Quote: “Happiness is beneficial for the body, but only grief develops the abilities of the spirit”.
Marcel Proust
Page 27 of 27
What do women usually do after their husband leaves?
They don't do anything. That is, the worst thing you can do. They don't leave the house. They lie looking at the ceiling. They stand near the windows. They are sitting near the phone.
What if he calls and she’s not at home? A?! He will call and say:
- Honey, I was wrong. I can't live without you! Or:
- I'm sorry! I was stupid for not appreciating you!
Or…
Usually, like this, in fruitless hopes and fantasies, abandoned women sit and stand until the supply of food in the apartment runs out. Then they quickly run to the store. In order not to miss a call or its passage near the windows.
Why are they in a hurry?! If he decides to call, he will call a second time. If he decides to come, he won’t stay near the windows.
What should you do?
You need to wake up, even if you haven't slept. Take a cold shower. Dress in your best clothes. Put on makeup. And go visit.
Not having fun?
Then you still need to get up, take a shower and... run, about forty to fifty kilometers. Or ride a bike for two hundred. I recommend it. Helps one hundred and fifty percent out of a hundred.
Well, let's run?
Five kilometers.
Fifteen.
Twenty five…
Well, let's talk about your suffering over your departed husband? What are you saying? No time for suffering? And not to your husband either?
Until what?
Until water, food and pillow.
Right. True suffering - pain in the heart, aching muscles, dry mouth and tingling in the spleen - crowds out mental ones. So today you will not suffer about your husband who left you untimely. I guarantee it. Including good sleep and appetite.
And what will all this lead to?
Towards high sporting results. Perhaps for Olympic medals. If men leave you often.
And at the same time to ease mental anguish.
Doesn't fit? It's a pity.
Then let's convince ourselves of the benefits of his departure.
First, the nose. Disgusting! Legs are crooked. Height is small. Salary too. Character - you can’t imagine a worse one...
Feel better? No?
Then we must immediately look for an alternative. Just at this very moment! An alternative man for an abandoned woman is the easiest and fastest way to get rid of the previous one.
But this matter should not be postponed. Don't wait for a new gentleman to knock on your door. We must take the initiative into our own hands. Why flip through the first half of this book? Where about searching and seducing men.
And again, like a bride...
And it’s not even necessary to drag a man into bed. It’s enough to flirt and feel interested in yourself.
Doesn't fit either? Because other men are disgusting to you?
Then it’s not them that we need to deal with. By yourself.
Sit down and remember what you dreamed of in life before? From the most achievable, but not achieved for one reason or another. Which are gone now! Well, come on, let's remember!
Would you like a hat like this? Great! Now you can go look for her!
And a coat? Why not!
Go to Paris? Great goal. If only because it will take a long time to implement it.
Well, now it’s more fun.
And if you don’t engage in entertainment, but in reorganizing your life, then it will become completely good.
One day a forty-year-old woman called me. And I cried into the phone for ten minutes.
What, what happened to you?
Husband ush-e-e-l.
To whom?
To the young-oh-oh-y!…
And again uncontrollable sobs. Such that I was even scared.
Have you tried seeing psychotherapists?
I tried it! They give me pills. And I need a mu-u-u-z!
Well, what to do here? You can't really help over the phone. All that remains is to calm the woman down.
And I called on her to destroy the old life and build a new one in the vacated place. And even discussed some details.
And at the end he said:
You know, if you take care of your life, it is possible that your husband will return to you.
Why?
Because now he has two women. The young one he lives with. And you who are crying. And if she’s crying, it means she’s waiting! What kind of man would give up the luxury of having twice as much as he had before?
But what does my life have to do with it?
Despite the fact that as soon as you take care of it, you will stop crying and waiting for your husband to come back. Why would he be worried? And he will start running in both directions.
But why does he need me?
Because it’s difficult when you’re young. She has youthful habits and aspirations. And the requirements. Which he will soon not live up to. And, having had a good time, he will return to his former wife. To you.
Exactly?
No, not exactly. But it's quite possible. It's easy to walk when the rear is protected. When you can come back at any moment...
I don't believe you. He's gone forever!
And this is whatever. After all, our task is not to return your husband, but to realize your life.
A month later the call rang again.
They laughed into the phone for five minutes.
You... You... are right! - a voice periodically broke through the laughter.
What is right? Who are you?
I am the woman whose husband left me. You were absolutely right. He's come! He didn’t just come, he’s been crawling on his knees for the second day and asking for forgiveness.
I'm happy for you.
No. That's not the point. I wanted to ask something completely different! What?
And do you know what she said? She said it brilliantly! Is it possible so that it... Well, in general, now... So that it doesn’t exist. To send him back! Where?! To the young one.
Woman! A month ago you begged for your husband to be returned to you. You were crying! And now...
And now I’ve just begun to live!
That's right. The woman felt a taste for life. One she hasn't lived yet.
So divorce turns out to be far from death...
Chapter 61. HOW TO LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND WITH THE Least LOSS FOR HIM AND YOURSELF
Well, I found the problem too! Leave your husband! She took it and left. And all business!
This is how women usually talk. And so they leave. Together. It's like throwing yourself into cold water.
How should it be done?
With your head in! Having weighed everything thoroughly. And trying to figure out the main motivating reason for the divorce.
For what?
Then to try to eliminate it.
Why eliminate?
To try to start over with my husband. Like after the wedding.
Why with your husband?
No, it’s impossible to talk like that...
And I say, impossible. It is impossible to live with him any longer.
Why? Is he drinking? Rowdy? Sells furniture on the side? Has three other families?
No, I guess not.
Then why do you want to leave him?
Well I don't know...
And they should know! It is impossible to part without clearly formulated mutual claims! Otherwise, you will later regret leaving. Or you just won't be able to leave.
How can I not do that?
Physically. Don't you know families who get divorced their entire lives. And they get together - all their lives. Instead of just one time.
Why? Because they cannot find compelling arguments against each other. They feel bad together and feel bad apart.
But an endless divorce is not a tragedy. A tragedy is when first they get divorced, and then they begin to think why.
I knew one family that separated because of... cockroaches. Yes, yes, because of ordinary kitchen cockroaches. The fact is that the husband had a bad habit of crushing scattering small cockroaches with his fingers. Since it took a long time to remove the slippers. And the wife, watching this procedure, imagined that at night, with these very hands... Even if he washed them a hundred times after that.
They got divorced. Which they regretted for many years after that. Most of all she.
A cockroach crossed the path to a happy marriage! Why was this possible?
Because they didn't think about each other. And they didn’t think at all.
The husband did not bother to understand that the method he proposed for exterminating cockroaches was unacceptable to his wife. So much so that she is ready to break up with him.
The wife could not or did not want to explain the scale of her hostility. She didn’t try to convince her husband to find another way. She accumulated irritation with him, which led to divorce.
Two normal people who love each other could not figure out the reasons for what was, in general, a trivial conflict. We couldn't explain ourselves. And they separated!
Don't follow their sad example. Analyze your feelings. Especially the negative spectrum - dissatisfaction, irritation, anger, hatred. Look for their motivations. What didn't you like about your husband's behavior? Or was it that you didn’t like the bad weather, and your husband just got into trouble?
Search! There will always be a reason! From the global - sun spots, to the banal - torn new tights.
Found it?
Then explain the reasons for your irritation to your other half in a form understandable to him.
Explained nine times? Tenth, explain. For greater persuasiveness, accompanying words with actions. Not with threats and massacres, which only irritate the opponent, but, for example, with a three-day hunger strike. Other people's suffering is much more impressive than your own.
When should we get a divorce?
When you have exhausted all possibilities. Until one!
But even when getting divorced, think about maintaining a normal relationship. Because divorce is not a reason to hate!
Divorce in a civilized manner. Thinking about myself. But also about my husband! First of all, about my husband!
About whom?
About my husband!
What are you saying? Yes, you know how he got me over all these years! For me to think about him...
Nevertheless. After all, you are the initiator of the divorce, not him.
And what?
The fact that the leaving party should take care of the left one. If only because I was mentally prepared for divorce. And also because he goes into a happier life. Well, or less unhappy than she was. That is, he wins. Why should she show some nobility?
Not convinced? I would like to say goodbye, for all the torments endured...
Then let's talk about the benefits. About nobility.
Taking care of your husband during the divorce process is very beneficial for you. And not even because a bad peace is better than a good quarrel. Simply profitable!
How?
Because you won’t have a mortal enemy in him!
Why won’t he prevent you from completing the legal side of the divorce?
He won’t take your children away out of spite.
Because of the same motives, he will not bargain with you for each stool divided in two.
Perhaps in the future he will help with money.
And participation in the fate of children.
But the most important thing is that it won’t interfere with your new life! Including your new family.
If it's nice to him.
And if he does it in an evil way, he will climb! He has every moral right! For example, smash your new husband's face. And break it again. And the third. Or worse, pin him in a dark corner and tell him who you really are. What did they do? And what they can do. But he can tell a lot of things! And even inflict it!…
Scoundrel!
No, not a scoundrel. Only a reflection of your actions. Echo! After all, you yourself did not want peace. They wanted war! Well, then you get full-scale combat operations.
What? Don't you want it anymore?
What were you thinking about before? Oh, didn't you think so?
Yes, that's how it usually happens. Women get divorced just to get a divorce! Guided by some kind of special logic. From a man's point of view - anti-logic!
One day a woman came to me and was indignant at her husband’s behavior for a long time.
- I came to wish him a Happy New Year, and he... he had a naked woman in his bed! Libertine! Kazakova! Well, I arranged it for them! I arranged this for them!
- What did they do?
- She arranged the Last Judgment. I pulled out all her hair. I tore all my clothes! And she threw it out the door in what she had! Naked! Out in the cold! So that it will be discouraging in future!
Because I am for my husband!..
“Wait, wait,” I didn’t understand. - You said you came to congratulate. Where did you come from?
- From home.
- Isn’t your husband’s house your home?
- Of course not. I haven't lived with him for two years now.
- Two years?!
- Well, yes! We're divorced. I have a new family.
- Why did you... Why did you come to the house of a virtually stranger and pull a stranger’s woman out of his bed by the hair? On what basis?! I don't understand anything.
- How on what basis? I came to congratulate him! And by the way, I haven’t even taken my suitcase from him yet.
That's the logic! Divorced for two years, but still considers her ex-husband to be hers! And he is jealous of strangers. On the grounds that she didn’t take his suitcase!
That is, scatter three dozen suitcases around the city and on this basis deprive all those men of their personal lives!
It gives! And you say!
What are you saying? Do you agree in a civilized way?
Then you should prepare for divorce well in advance.
Start accumulating arguments why you cannot continue living with your husband. It’s better in the form of compromising evidence, which you lay out all at once on the eve of the divorce. To develop a guilt complex in him. Or for the court, if it doesn’t work on him.
Calculate how and on what you will live after a divorce. Who to rely on.
Be legally savvy in order to be guaranteed to defend your children, living space and material assets.
Find out what kind of social support you can count on as a divorcee. Including finding places in kindergartens, nurseries and schools in advance.
Prepare your husband psychologically for divorce. Why constantly hint to him in a calm manner that nothing will work out with him? It's your fault. Because he is beyond criticism.
Set up the children as needed. So that your divorce is not a surprise to them. And so that they keep your side.
Don't forget relatives. Especially our own. To whom your family life should be presented in a favorable light.
Start looking for women for your husband to whom you can hand him over. Turning the divorce into his new marriage. I understand that it is unpleasant. But this remedy for stabilizing the husband and peaceful divorce is ideal. Another woman will be able to heal his emotional wounds much faster than relatives, friends, vodka and momentary entertainment combined.
If you can’t find him a new wife, at least find a girlfriend who can distract him from his dark thoughts. And from you. If she doesn’t agree to share a bed with him, let her at least flirt. It is very important for a divorced man to feel a woman’s interest in himself. It's distracting. And it rehabilitates.
The conversation during which the word “divorce” is heard for the first time should be conducted in a hysterical-suffering tone, with tears, snot, clumps of torn hair, accusations against the husband and criticism of oneself. Men perceive calm ultimatums very poorly. The language of logic and ultimatums is their, male, language. They expect you to be feminine. hysterical reactions. Showcase them.
Finish the conversation with compliments addressed to your husband and the entire male sex in general. They love it.
Leave the last word to your husband. Because it doesn't mean anything. Although it creates the illusion of victory.
After a divorce, make every effort to ensure that your ex-husband maintains good, ideally friendly, relations. It will be useful to you a hundred times.
Several pairs of spouses whom I divorced, using modern terminology, maintained very good relations with each other. If the ex-wife needs to transport something or go somewhere, the ex-husband immediately delivers the car. In which the new husband also sits. Another couple is friends at home. The third... the third connected again. Because they broke up normally, without having time to say nasty things to each other. And they live very happily.
So I recommend it.
Divorce is, quite possibly, the first step towards marriage. And to... the beginning of the first chapter.
Chapter 62. ABOUT HOW TO USE THIS BOOK, or WHAT YOU NEED TO DO SO THAT MY ADVICE IS USEFUL TO YOU
I gave a lot of advice in this book on how to get married and keep your husband in the family. Now, on the last pages, I want to admit - they are useless! Absolutely! If you use them separately!
If you try to subjugate a man in any one way you prefer. It won't work. He will leave!
One technique is like one cobweb that breaks at the slightest effort. One web is not capable of holding even a fly. The spider wraps its victim in hundreds, thousands of webs, turning them into a durable cocoon from which it cannot be escaped.
You should do the same.
Don't limit yourself to one, two, or ten techniques, no matter how effective they may seem. Use the entire arsenal of means known to you.
All! And at the same time!
Then it will be impossible for your man to break away from you!
Then it will be yours!
VERY SHORT AFTERWORD. IT IS THE SAME WISH OF THE AUTHOR TO THE READER WHO READ THIS BOOK TO THE END TO LOVE EACH OTHER! STICK TO EACH OTHER! LIVE FOR EACH OTHER! AND BE HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER!
You want to scream that your husband left you. There are no recipes to help in such a situation. It won't make you feel any better if they tell you that you're not the only one. After all, throughout the history of mankind, your husband was not the only one who left home.
The first thing to do is try to understand the reason for your husband’s departure. There is no need to invent anything, but it is important to understand what caused your separation. And only then think about how to recover after your husband leaves for another woman. Often, after some reflection, some people withdraw into themselves, living in their own world, into which they do not allow anyone. To prevent this from happening, but also to be able to understand the reason for the husband leaving for another, we must approach the issue of family life very seriously. At one time, they made mistakes together and behaved incorrectly. Only by rethinking what was wrong in their behavior. All this is necessary so that similar mistakes can be avoided in the future.
Each woman decides for herself how to recover after her husband leaves for another woman. You can sit crying and worry if your husband has left for someone else, or you can just smile and start all over again. After all, if you look into it, then nothing terrible happened, you are alive and well. And the desire to cry is something every woman has left from childhood, thus attracting attention to herself. You can cry when you take a shower or into your pillow, cry quietly on a bench in a deserted park, on public transport, you can scream in nature... if he left just yesterday, one month ago or six months.
When you are still a child, this is understandable, but when you are already an adult woman, it is useless to shed tears, you need to do something urgently.
It will be very difficult for you to come to your senses right away, but you must try to be strong and pull yourself together.
I will give some tips for you.
First, you will need to calm down, because you are not the first woman to whom such a situation has happened and is happening. You may think that your case is the worst. But think for yourself - no one has died, none of your loved ones have an incurable disease, so your case is not as terrible as it seems.
Our memory is designed in such a way that we often remember only the good, and all the bad fades into the background. And you take a pen and a blank sheet of paper and write on it everything bad that was in the character and nature of your husband. And after you write, read it well several times, get rid of it, this way you will get rid of your offender
You can use a helpline or help from a psychologist, or cry to your best friend. You just need to talk it out. But you still have a conversation with your parents. And the sooner this conversation takes place, the better it will be. You shouldn’t put it off for a long time. They will always understand you and support any of your decisions, whatever it may be.
You can try to change something in your appearance. Change your hairstyle and hair color, change your clothing style. Go shopping alone or with a friend, treat yourself to new purchases. Don't be afraid to change beyond recognition.
Don't let yourself feel sorry for yourself. Pity plunges a person into even greater stress.
Give up revenge, it will lead nowhere. Your rival may be worth all sorts of nasty remarks, but if you don’t say anything, you will be superior to her. You shouldn’t humiliate yourself or even start a conversation with her. Let it be on her conscience. It’s not for nothing that there is a good proverb: “You can’t build your happiness on someone else’s misfortune.”
You should not hope that he will return to you. Don't try to stop him, because... if he has decided, then you will be powerless to stop him.
I want to warn you against two things:
You should not allow your husband to live “in two houses,” moving from one woman to another, comparing where he is better off and more welcome.
You should not cheat on your husband as punishment for leaving you for another woman. This will primarily affect you and your future well-being and for the marriage that still exists. Until you make the necessary and correct decision about what you will do next, you shouldn’t do it. This is the only way you will acquire something new for yourself.
You definitely need to find something to do. If you didn’t have time to take care of yourself before, then this is exactly the moment when you need to sign up for fitness, going to the gym, or going to the pool. You can go to oriental dancing, a ceramics club, go to theaters, cinema, chat with friends, in general, do not isolate yourself.
A fundamentally wrong act that women often use to keep their husbands is manipulating children. As practice shows, alliances that are based on such relationships do not last long and anyway, sooner or later he will leave you again. The psyche of children is very vulnerable and if children are manipulated, the child can receive psychological trauma. After all, even if a husband leaves, this does not mean that he abandons his child. At this moment, it is important to protect them from clarifying the relationship with adults.
You can get yourself a small pet, to whom you will transfer all your care and affection. Which one will you spend your free time on?
If this is possible, then go somewhere to relax a little, for example, you can go somewhere abroad. Believe me, in any country you can unwind and relax, put your thoughts in order.
It is worth taking this step, through your problem and pain, and in the future you will find yourself a happy person.
All ladies need to remember that the role of a caring mother and a wonderful wife is not everything, and the meaning of life sometimes does not lie only in the fact that your loved one is with you. Because circumstances can turn out completely differently. You must learn to love yourself, learn to be a real woman, this is the only way you can succeed in life. You need to discover for yourself that there is life without men, that you can live on your own too. This is precisely why you must realize yourself in what you have dreamed about all your life.
So don’t be discouraged dear women, love, happiness and family well-being to you and your family. Read...
Victoria.
Good afternoon My name is Victoria, I am 38 years old, my husband is 36. We have been living together for 11 years, officially married for 5. We have no children together. Both he and I have children from our first marriage. My daughter lived with us. Now she is 16.
In October, the husband met a girl (she is 20 years old), they began a romantic relationship. I found out about this a little later. I tried to somehow influence, there were conversations and visits to a psychologist, sometimes I broke into scandals. He promised to end everything, and then it turned out that he continued to meet with her. He said that he understands that these feelings are ruining his life, but he can’t stop anything, he is drawn to her. A couple of months ago, his attitude towards me changed dramatically, he became aggressive, constantly wanted to leave, and even packed his things. Then he gave an ultimatum that he would live with me, but leave whenever he wanted. I immediately agreed, then I couldn’t stand it, and the quarrels started again. I decided that if we went to his parents for a week, it would somehow help. And we will spend time together, and he will not be able to leave for another. At first it was very difficult, he was going through withdrawal, he just lay there and looked at the ceiling, looking for an opportunity to call her, after three or four days he began to change, tenderness towards me appeared, they began to spend more time together. At the end of the week I had to go home (work, daughter), and he decided to stay for another week. A couple of days later he called and said that he didn’t want to see me anymore, that he was staying with his parents in the village. His parents had been trying to persuade him for a long time. For him, his parents have always been a great authority.
Now he has been there for a month. During this time he completely exhausted me. He calls that he loves me, misses me and is waiting for me. It says that everything is over forever. Then he offers to communicate as friends. Now he said that we are a family, no matter who lives where. On the weekend I went to see him, I asked for it myself, but at first he was against it. Then he set a condition - no conversations, clarifications or promises. We spent two days together. He said that he missed him, he didn’t let me go even for 5 minutes, he was gentle and caring. He invites me to move in with his parents. I think he knows that I can't live there. He never ended his relationship with another girl and continues to communicate on Skype.
I love him, but maybe it's an addiction. I don’t even understand it myself. I only know that I’m ready to forgive him everything in the world, I’ve been walking around like a robot for several weeks now, doing the bare essentials. There is no desire to live. At home I cry all the time. I can neither eat nor sleep. All the time I think that he is not around, that the apartment is empty, it seems that I am flawed and inferior, since I am left alone. In my head I understand that this relationship will not bring me anything good, that perhaps this is not love, but addiction. But I can’t refuse it.
From the very beginning of our relationship, whenever there was a quarrel, my husband used to scare me by saying that he would leave. It had an immediate effect on me. This was my biggest fear in life. The panic just started.
I also probably need to say that there have been betrayals before, I know about one for sure, I can only guess about others. But he had never fallen in love before and everything ended by itself. I was angry, offended, but I understood that I couldn’t leave on my own.
Now I want to get rid of addiction, find peace for myself, come to terms with the fact that I am no longer loved and I am not needed. I want to understand how you can continue to live and why. I can’t cope with the state I’m in on my own.
Victoria.
Hello, Igor. It seems to me that he is more like a son. I've always been older. He says that he will always be 16. And I didn’t have enough responsibility in him.
Victoria.
He is kind, gentle, caring. I'm interested in him. I no longer have a person with whom I can be myself. There is also the fear of being alone.
Victoria.
I think it's an addiction. I'm terrified of losing him. No doing, doing anything. I don't know how to live only for myself. My daughter is 16 years old. She communicates little with me and spends little time at home.
The thought of coming to an empty apartment and going to bed alone terrifies me. I don't want to wake up in the morning. I'm trying to find something that will bring joy and pleasure. But as soon as I think about it, I start to feel guilty. Because I can be happy without him.
Victoria.
The point is not that someone said that it is impossible for yourself. I don't want to do anything to milk myself. And I understand that I will survive. But living and surviving are two different things. Now I'm surviving. But I don’t want to live.
Victoria.
Since childhood, I have had the conviction that a single woman is incomplete, unhappy, etc. I want to learn to think differently. Now everything only leads to bad thoughts. And all the time I catch myself making plans to get my husband back.
I've read everything here about how to overcome addiction. Could it arise from a lack of love from the mother in childhood?