Characters
Prostakov.
Ms. Prostakova, his wife.
Mitrofan, their son, a minor.
Eremeevna, Mitrofanova's mother.
Pravdin.
Starodum.
Sophia, Starodum's niece.
Milo.
Skotinin, brother of Mrs. Prostakova.
Kuteikin, seminarian.
Tsyfirkin, retired sergeant.
Vralman, teacher.
Trishka, tailor.
Servant Prostakova.
Valet Starodum.
Action in the village of Prostakovs.
Denis Fonvizin. Engraving from the collection of portraits of Platon Beketov. 1821 edition
Act one
PHENOMENON I
Cover of the first edition of the play by D.I. Fonvizin “Undergrowth”, 1783
Mrs. Prostakova, Mitrofan, Eremeevna.
Ms. Prostakova (examining the caftan on Mitrofan). The caftan is all ruined. Eremeevna, bring the swindler Trishka here. (Eremeevna leaves.) He, the thief, burdened him everywhere. Mitrofanushka, my friend! I'm guessing you're dying. Call your father here.
Mitrofan leaves.
SCENE II
Mrs. Prostakova, Eremeevna, Trishka.
Ms. Prostakova (Trishka). And you, brute, come closer. Didn’t I tell you, you thieving mug, that you should make your caftan wider? The first child grows; another, a child and without a narrow caftan of delicate build. Tell me, idiot, what is your excuse?
Trishka. But, madam, I was self-taught. I reported to you at the same time: well, if you please, give it to the tailor.
Mrs. Prostakova. So is it really necessary to be a tailor to be able to sew a caftan well? What bestial reasoning!
Trishka. Yes, I learned to be a tailor, madam, but I didn’t.
Mrs. Prostakova. While searching, he argues. A tailor learned from another, another from a third, but who did the first tailor learn from? Speak up, beast.
Trishka. Yes, the first tailor, perhaps, sewed worse than mine.
Mitrofan(runs in). I called my father. I deigned to say: immediately.
Mrs. Prostakova. So go and get him out if you don’t get the good stuff.
Mitrofan. Yes, here comes the father.
SCENE III
Same with Prostakov.
Mrs. Prostakova. What, why do you want to hide from me? This, sir, is how far I have lived with your indulgence. What's a new thing for a son to do with his uncle's agreement? What kind of caftan did Trishka deign to sew?
Prostakov(stammering out of timidity). Me... a little baggy.
Mrs. Prostakova. You yourself are baggy, smart head.
Prostakov. Yes, I thought, mother, that it seemed so to you.
Mrs. Prostakova. Are you blind yourself?
Prostakov. With your eyes, mine see nothing.
Mrs. Prostakova. This is the kind of hubby the Lord gave me: he doesn’t know how to figure out what’s wide and what’s narrow.
Prostakov. In this, mother, I believed and believe you.
Mrs. Prostakova. So believe also that I do not intend to indulge the slaves. Go, sir, and punish now...
PHENOMENA IV
Same with Skotinin.
Skotinin. Whom? For what? On the day of my conspiracy! I ask you, sister, for such a holiday to postpone the punishment until tomorrow; and tomorrow, if you please, I myself will willingly help. If I weren’t Taras Skotinin, if not every fault is my fault. In this, sister, I have the same custom as you. Why are you so angry?
Mrs. Prostakova. Well, brother, I’ll go crazy on your eyes. Mitrofanushka, come here. Is this caftan baggy?
Skotinin. No.
Prostakov. Yes, I can already see, mother, that it is narrow.
Skotinin. I don't see that either. The caftan, brother, is well made.
Ms. Prostakova (Trishka). Get out, you bastard. (Eremeevna.) Go ahead, Eremeevna, give the child breakfast. Vit, I’m having tea, the teachers will come soon.
Eremeevna. He already, mother, deigned to eat five buns.
Mrs. Prostakova. So you feel sorry for the sixth one, beast? What zeal! Please take a look.
Eremeevna. Cheers, mother. I said this for Mitrofan Terentyevich. I grieved until the morning.
Mrs. Prostakova. Ah, Mother of God! What happened to you, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. Yes, mother. Yesterday after dinner I got it.
Skotinin. Yes, it’s clear, brother, you had a hearty dinner.
Mitrofan. And I, uncle, almost didn’t have dinner at all.
Prostakov. I remember, my friend, you wanted to eat something.
Mitrofan. What! Three slices of corned beef, and hearth slices, I don’t remember, five, I don’t remember, six.
Eremeevna. Every now and then he asked for a drink at night. I deigned to eat a whole jug of kvass.
Mitrofan. And now I’m walking around like crazy. All night such rubbish was in my eyes.
Mrs. Prostakova. What rubbish, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. Yes, either you, mother, or father.
Mrs. Prostakova. How is this possible?
Mitrofan. As soon as I start to fall asleep, I see that you, mother, deign to beat father.
Prostakov(to the side). Well, my bad! Sleep in hand!
Mitrofan(loosen up). So I felt sorry.
Ms. Prostakova (with annoyance). Who, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. You, mother: you are so tired, beating your father.
Mrs. Prostakova. Surround me, my dear friend! Here, son, is my only consolation.
Skotinin. Well, Mitrofanushka, I see you are a mother’s son, not a father’s son!
Prostakov. At least I love him, as a parent should, he’s a smart child, he’s a sensible child, he’s funny, he’s an entertainer; sometimes I am beside myself with him and with joy I truly do not believe that he is my son.
Skotinin. Only now our funny man is standing there, frowning.
Mrs. Prostakova. Shouldn't we send for a doctor to the city?
Mitrofan. No, no, mother. I'd rather get better on my own. Now I’ll run to the dovecote, maybe…
Mrs. Prostakova. So maybe the Lord is merciful. Go and have some fun, Mitrofanushka.
Mitrofan and Eremeevna leave.
PHENOMENA V
Ms. Prostakova, Prostakov, Skotinin.
Skotinin. Why can't I see my bride? Where is she? There will be an agreement in the evening, so isn’t it time to tell her that they are marrying her off?
Mrs. Prostakova. We'll make it, brother. If we tell her this ahead of time, she may still think that we are reporting to her. Although by marriage, however, I am related to her; and I love that strangers listen to me.
Prostakov(to Skotinin). To tell the truth, we treated Sophia like an orphan. After her father she remained a baby. About six months ago, her mother, and my in-law, had a stroke...
Ms. Prostakova (showing as if he is baptizing his heart). The power of the god is with us.
Prostakov. From which she went to the next world. Her uncle, Mr. Starodum, went to Siberia; and since there has been no rumor or news of him for several years now, we consider him dead. We, seeing that she was left alone, took her to our village and look after her estate as if it were our own.
Mrs. Prostakova. What, why have you gone so crazy today, my father? Looking for a brother, he might think that we took her to us out of interest.
Prostakov. Well, mother, how should he think about this? After all, we can’t move Sofyushkino’s real estate estate to ourselves.
Skotinin. And although the movable has been put forward, I am not a petitioner. I don’t like to bother, and I’m afraid. No matter how much my neighbors offended me, no matter how much loss they caused, I did not attack anyone, and any loss, rather than going after it, I would rip off from my own peasants, and the ends would go to waste.
Prostakov. It’s true, brother: the whole neighborhood says that you are a master at collecting rent.
Mrs. Prostakova. At least you taught us, brother father; but we just can’t do it. Since we took away everything the peasants had, we can’t take anything back. Such a disaster!
Skotinin. Please, sister, I will teach you, I will teach you, just marry me to Sophia.
Mrs. Prostakova. Did you really like this girl that much?
Skotinin. No, it's not the girl I like.
Prostakov. So next door to her village?
Skotinin. And not the villages, but the fact that it is found in the villages and what my mortal desire is.
Mrs. Prostakova. Until what, brother?
Skotinin. I love pigs, sister, and in our neighborhood there are such large pigs that there is not a single one of them that, standing on its hind legs, would not be taller than each of us by a whole head.
Prostakov. It’s a strange thing, brother, how family can resemble family. Mitrofanushka is our uncle. And he was a hunter of pigs, just like you. When I was still three years old, when I saw a pig, I used to tremble with joy.
Skotinin. This is truly a curiosity! Well, brother, Mitrofan loves pigs because he is my nephew. There is some similarity here; Why am I so addicted to pigs?
Prostakov. And there is some similarity here, I think so.
ACT FIVE
PHENOMENON I
Starodum and Pravdin.
Pravdin. This was the package that the local landlady herself notified me about yesterday in front of you.
Starodum. So, do you now have a way to stop the inhumanity of the evil landowner?
Pravdin. I have been instructed to take charge of the house and villages at the first rabies from which the people under her control could suffer.
Starodum. Thank God that humanity can find protection! Believe me, my friend, where the sovereign thinks, where he knows what his true glory is, there his rights cannot but return to humanity. There everyone will soon feel that everyone must seek their own happiness and benefits in the one thing that is legal... and that it is unlawful to oppress one’s own kind through slavery.
Pravdin. I agree with you on this; Yes, how tricky it is to destroy inveterate prejudices in which low souls find their benefits!
Starodum. Listen, my friend! A great sovereign is a wise sovereign. His job is to show people their direct good. The glory of his wisdom is to rule over people, because there is no wisdom to rule over idols. The peasant, who is worse than everyone else in the village, usually chooses to shepherd the flock, because it takes a little intelligence to graze the cattle. A sovereign worthy of the throne strives to elevate the souls of his subjects. We see this with our own eyes.
Pravdin. The pleasure that princes enjoy in possessing free souls must be so great that I do not understand what motives could distract...
Starodum. A! How much great soul one must be a ruler in order to take the path of truth and never stray from it! How many nets are laid to catch the soul of a person who has the fate of his own kind in his hands! And firstly, a crowd of stingy flatterers...
Pravdin. Without spiritual contempt it is impossible to imagine what a flatterer is.
Starodum. A flatterer is a creature who is not only about others, but also about himself good opinion does not have. All his desire is to first blind a person’s mind, and then make of him what he needs. He is a night thief who will first put out the candle and then begin to steal.
Pravdin. Human misfortunes, of course, are caused by their own corruption; but ways to make people kind...
Starodum. They are in the hands of the sovereign. How soon everyone sees that without good behavior no one can become a person; that no vile length of service and no amount of money can buy what merit is rewarded with; that people are chosen for places, and not places are stolen by people - then everyone finds his advantage in being well-behaved and everyone becomes good.
Pravdin. Fair. The great sovereign gives...
Starodum. Grace and friendship to those whom he pleases; places and ranks for those who are worthy.
Pravdin. So that there is no shortage of worthy people, special efforts are now being made to educate...
Starodum. It should be the key to the well-being of the state. We see all the unfortunate consequences of bad education. Well, what can come of Mitrofanushka for the fatherland, for whom ignorant parents also pay money to ignorant teachers? How many noble fathers who moral education they entrust their son to their serf slave! Fifteen years later, instead of one slave, two come out, an old guy and a young master.
Pravdin. But persons of the highest status enlighten their children...
Starodum. So, my friend; Yes, I would like that in all sciences, the main goal of all human knowledge, good behavior, is not forgotten. Believe me, science in a depraved person is a fierce weapon to do evil. Enlightenment elevates one virtuous soul. I would like, for example, that when raising the son of a noble gentleman, his mentor would unfold History to him every day and show him and her two places: in one, how great people contributed to the good of their fatherland; in another, as an unworthy nobleman, who used his trust and power for evil, from the height of his magnificent nobility fell into the abyss of contempt and reproach.
Pravdin. It is really necessary that every state of people should have a decent upbringing; then you can be sure... What's that noise?
Starodum. What happened?
SCENE II
The same ones, Milon, Sofya, Eremeevna.
Milo (pushing away from Sofya Eremeevna, who was clinging to her, shouts to the people, having a naked sword in her hand). Don't anyone dare come near me!
Sophia (rushing to Starodum). Ah, uncle! Protect me!
Milo. Villains! Walking here, I see a lot of people who, grabbing her by the arms, despite resistance and screaming, lead her from the porch to the carriage.
Sophia. Here is my savior!
Starodum (to Milo). My friend!
Pravdin (Eremeevna). Now tell me where you wanted to take me, or what happened to the villain...
Eremeevna. Get married, my father, get married!
Ms. Prostakova (behind the scenes). Rogues! The thieves! Fraudsters! I'll order everyone to be beaten to death!
SCENE III
The same, Mrs. Prostakova, Prostakov, Mitrofan.
Mrs. Prostakova. What a mistress I am in the house! (Pointing to Milo). A stranger threatens, my order means nothing.
Pravdin. The crime, to which I myself am a witness, gives the right to you, as an uncle, and to you, as a groom...
Mrs. Prostakova. Oh me, the dog's daughter! What have I done!
PHENOMENA IV
Same with Skotinin.
Skotinin. Well, sister, it was a good joke... Bah! What is this? All of us are on our knees!
Ms. Prostakova (kneeling). Ah, my fathers, the sword does not cut off a guilty head. My sin! Don't ruin me. (To Sophia.) You are my dear mother, forgive me. Have mercy on me (pointing to husband and son) and over poor orphans.
Skotinin. Sister! Are you talking about your mind?
Pravdin. Shut up, Skotinin.
Mrs. Prostakova. God will give you prosperity and with your dear groom, what do you want in my head?
Sophia (To Starodum). Uncle! I forget my insult.
Ms. Prostakova (raising his hands to Starodum). Father! Forgive me too, a sinner. I am a man, not an angel.
Starodum. I know, I know that a person cannot be an angel. And you don’t even have to be a devil.
Milo. Both the crime and her repentance are worthy of contempt.
Pravdin (To Starodum). Your slightest complaint, your one word before the government... and it cannot be saved.
Starodum. I don't want anyone to die. I forgive her.
Everyone jumped up from their knees.
Mrs. Prostakova. Forgive me! Ah, father!.. Well! Now I will give the dawn to my people. Now I'll go through everyone one by one. Now I’ll find out who let her out of his hands. No, scammers! No, thieves! I will not forgive a century, I will not forgive this ridicule.
Pravdin. Why do you want to punish your people?
Mrs. Prostakova. Oh, father, what kind of question is this? Am I not powerful in my people too?
Pravdin. Do you consider yourself to have the right to fight whenever you want?
Skotinin. Isn't a nobleman free to beat a servant whenever he wants?
Pravdin. Whenever he wants! What kind of hunt is this? You are straight Skotinin. No, madam, no one is free to tyrannize.
Mrs. Prostakova. Not free! A nobleman is not free to flog his servants when he wants; But why have we been given a decree on the freedom of the nobility?
Starodum. A master at interpreting decrees!
Mrs. Prostakova. If you please, mock me, but now I’m going to turn everyone on their head... (Tries to go.)
Pravdin (stopping her). Stop, madam. (Taking out the paper and speaking in an important voice to Prostakov.) In the name of the government, I order you this very hour to gather your people and peasants to announce to them a decree that for the inhumanity of your wife, to which your extreme weakness of mind allowed her, the government commands me to take custody of your house and villages.
Prostakov. A! What have we come to!
Mrs. Prostakova. How! New trouble! For what? For what, father? That I am the mistress in my house...
Pravdin. An inhuman lady, who cannot tolerate evil in a well-established state. (To Prostakov.) Come on.
Prostakov (walks away, clasping his hands). Who is this from, mother?
Ms. Prostakova (mourning). Oh, grief has taken over! Oh, sad!
Skotinin. Bah! bah! bah! Yes, that’s how they’ll get to me. Yes, and any Skotinin can fall under guardianship... I’ll get out of here as quickly as possible.
Mrs. Prostakova. I'm losing everything! I'm completely dying!
Skotinin (To Starodum). I was coming to you to get some sense. Groom...
Starodum (pointing to Milo). Here he is.
Skotinin. Yeah! so I have nothing to do here. Harness the wagon, and...
Pravdin. Yes, go to your pigs. Don’t forget, however, to tell all the Skotinins what they are exposed to.
Skotinin. How not to warn your friends! I will tell them that they people...
Pravdin. Loved more, or at least...
Skotinin. Well?..
Pravdin. At least they didn't touch it.
Skotinin (leaving). At least they didn't touch it.
PHENOMENA V
Ms. Prostakova, Starodum, Pravdin, Mitrofan, Sofya, Eremeevna.
Ms. Prostakova (Pravdin). Father, don’t destroy me, what did you get? Is it possible to somehow cancel the decree? Are all decrees being implemented?
Pravdin. I will not step down from my position in any way.
Mrs. Prostakova. Give me at least three days. (To the side.) I would make myself known...
Pravdin. Not for three hours.
Starodum. Yes, my friend! Even in three hours she can do so much mischief that you can’t help it with a century.
Mrs. Prostakova. How can you, father, get into the details yourself?
Pravdin. It's my business. Someone else's property will be returned to its owners, and...
Mrs. Prostakova. How about getting rid of debts?.. Teachers are underpaid...
Pravdin. Teachers? (Eremeevna.) Are they here? Enter them here.
Eremeevna. The tea that arrived. And what about the German, my father?..
Pravdin. Call everyone.
Eremeevna leaves.
Pravdin. Don't worry about anything, madam, I will please everyone.
Starodum (seeing Mrs. Prostakova in anguish).
Madam! You will feel better about yourself, having lost the power to do bad things to others.
Mrs. Prostakova. Thankful for the mercy! Where am I good for when in my house my hands and will have no power!
SCENE VI
The same ones, Eremeevna, Vralman, Kuteikin and Tsyfirkin.
Eremeevna (introducing the teachers to Pravdin). That's all our bastard for you, my father.
Vralman (to Pravdin). Fasche fisoko-i-plakhorotie. They fooled me to ask sepa?..
Kuteikin (to Pravdin). The call came and came.
Tsyfirkin (to Pravdin). What will the order be, your honor?
Starodum (when Vralman arrives he peers at him). Bah! Is that you, Vralman?
Vralman (recognizing Starodum). Ay! ah! ah! ah! ah! It's you, my gracious master! (Kissing the floor of Starodum.) Are you an old lady, my dear fellow, are you going to cheat?
Pravdin. How? Is he familiar to you?
Starodum. How come I don’t know you? He was my coachman for three years.
Everyone shows surprise.
Pravdin. Quite a teacher!
Starodum. Are you a teacher here? Vralman! I thought, really, that you were a kind person and would not take on anything that was not your own.
Vralman. What are you saying, my father? I’m not the first one, I’m not the last one. For three months in Moscow I was staggering around the place, kutsher nihte not nata. I got a lipo with a holot to measure, a lipo earplug...
Pravdin (to teachers). By the will of the government, having become the guardian of this house, I am releasing you.
Tsyfirkin. Better not.
Kuteikin. Are you willing to let go? Yes, let's get upset first...
Pravdin. What do you need?
Kuteikin. No, dear sir, my account is very large. For six months for studying, for shoes that you wore out at the age of three, for the downtime that you came here, it happened, in vain, for...
Mrs. Prostakova. Insatiable soul! Kuteikin! What is this for?
Pravdin. Do not interfere, madam, I beg you.
Mrs. Prostakova. But if it's true, what did you teach Mitrofanushka?
Kuteikin. It's his business. Not mine.
Pravdin (To Kuteikin). Good good. (To Tsyfirkin.) How much do you need to pay?
Tsyfirkin. To me? Nothing.
Mrs. Prostakova. For one year, father, he was given ten rubles, and for another year he was not paid a half ruble.
Tsyfirkin. So: with those ten rubles I wore out my boots in two years. We're even.
Pravdin. What about studying?
Tsyfirkin. Nothing.
Starodum. Like nothing?
Tsyfirkin. I won't take anything. He didn't adopt anything.
Starodum. However, you still have to pay less.
Tsyfirkin. My pleasure. I served the sovereign for more than twenty years. I took money for service, I didn’t take it empty-handed, and I won’t take it.
Starodum. What a good man!
Starodum and Milon take money out of their wallets.
Pravdin. Aren't you ashamed, Kuteikin?
Kuteikin (lowering his head). Shame on you, damned one.
Starodum (To Tsyfirkin). Here's to you, my friend, for your kind soul.
Tsyfirkin. Thank you, Your Highness. Thankful. You are free to give me. I myself, without deserving it, will not demand a century.
Milo (giving him money). Here's more for you, my friend!
Tsyfirkin. And thanks again.
Pravdin also gives him money.
Tsyfirkin. Why, your honor, are you complaining?
Pravdin. Because you are not like Kuteikin.
Tsyfirkin. AND! Your Honor. I'm a soldier.
Pravdin (To Tsyfirkin). Go ahead, my friend, with God.
Tsyfirkin leaves.
Pravdin. And you, Kuteikin, perhaps come here tomorrow and take the trouble to settle accounts with the lady herself.
Kuteikin (running out). With myself! I'm giving up on everything.
Vralman (To Starodum). Starofa hearing is not ostafte, fashe fysokorotie. Take me back to the sepa.
Starodum. Yes, Vralman, I guess, have you fallen behind the horses?
Vralman. Hey, no, my dad! Shiuchi with great hospotam, it concerned me that I was with horses.
SCENE VII
]Same as the valet.
Valet (To Starodum). Your carriage is ready.
Vralman. Will you kill me now?
Starodum. Go sit on the box.
Vralman leaves.
THE LAST PHENOMENON
Ms. Prostakova, Starodum, Milon, Sofya, Pravdin, Mitrofan, Eremeevna.
Starodum (to Pravdin, holding the hands of Sophia and Milan). Well, my friend! We go. Wish us...
Pravdin. All the happiness to which honest hearts are entitled.
Ms. Prostakova (rushing to hug his son). You are the only one left with me, my dear friend, Mitrofanushka!
Prostakov. Let go, mother, how you imposed yourself...
Mrs. Prostakova. And you! And you leave me! A! ungrateful! (She fainted.)
Sophia (running up to her). My God! She has no memory.
Starodum (Sofya). Help her, help her.
Sofya and Eremeevna are helping.
Pravdin (To Mitrofan). Scoundrel! Should you be rude to your mother? It was her crazy love for you that brought her the most misfortune.
Mitrofan. It's like she doesn't know...
Pravdin. Rude!
Starodum (Eremeevna). What is she now? What?
Eremeevna (looking intently at Ms. Prostakova and clasping her hands). He will wake up, my father, he will wake up.
Pravdin (To Mitrofan). WITH you, my friend, I know what to do. I went to serve...
Mitrofan (waving his hand). For me, where they tell me to go.
Ms. Prostakova (waking up in despair). I'm completely lost! My power has been taken away! You can’t show your eyes anywhere out of shame! I don't have a son!
Starodum (pointing to Ms. Prostakova) These are the fruits worthy of evil!
The story describes the life of one village family named Prostakovs. Lady Prostakova had a son named Mitrofan. His mother ordered a caftan for him from a tailor. Then she got angry with the tailor. Because the caftan was narrow for 16-year-old Mitrofan. Tailor Trizhka made excuses as best he could. But the lady did not listen. Her husband, Mr. Prostakov, was an obedient man. This time he expressed his views about a narrow caftan. Taras Skotinin, who is the madam’s brother, also expresses his opinion. The caftan was made for Mitrofan on the day of Taras and Sophia's engagement. Sophia was a relative of Father Mitrofan and lived at their house. She was raised by her mother in Moscow, and her father died. But six months ago, the girl’s mother also died. After her death, the Prostakovs took her in with them. Sophia herself did not know who she should marry.
After a certain time, Sophia receives a letter from her missing uncle. Here Prostakova became upset. Because her hopes for the wedding did not come true. Prostakova accused Sonya of deception. But I couldn’t verify my guesses. Because she, her husband and brother could not read. Neighbor Pravdin helped me read the letter. The letter said that the uncle was leaving his entire fortune to his niece. Having learned this news, Prostakova decides to marry her undergrown son Mitrofan to Sophia. His friend Milon, who was an officer, came to Pravdin. Milo was in love with a girl who was left an orphan. But he does not tell his friend about this. His lover was Sophia. They met and were very happy. Then Sophia talks about her imminent marriage to Mitrofan. Milo starts to get jealous. His jealousy subsides when he learns about Mitrofan's underdevelopment.
Upon learning of the refusal of the marriage, Skotinin becomes furious and attacks Mitrofan. He is obscured by his nanny Eremeevna. The teachers themselves came to Mitrofan. But Mitrofan expresses dissatisfaction and says that he does not want to study. Prostakova found out that Taras had attacked him. She consoled her son and said that he would get married soon. Sophia's uncle comes to the village. On the way, he met Pravdin and they talked.
Uncle Starodum came to free Sophia from these ignorant Prostakovs. He met with his niece and promised to release her. At this time Taras and Prostakova entered the room. Brother and sister got into a fight there. Having learned that Sophia's rich uncle has arrived, Prostakov begins to flatter and show hospitality. Prostakova told the guest about the imminent wedding. Starodum is categorically against the wedding. He promised that he would soon take Sophia to Moscow and marry her to a worthy man. This statement made Sophia very upset. Then her uncle explained to her that she herself was free in her decisions. Prostakova praises her son and his education.
At the end, Starodum, his niece and Milon left the city. And the Prostakov family remained in their village.
Very briefly
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Denis Ivanovich Fonvizin
Minor
Comedy in five acts
Characters
Prostakov.
Ms. Prostakova, his wife.
Mitrofan, their son, a minor.
Eremeevna, Mitrofanova's mother.
Pravdin.
Starodum.
Sophia, Starodum's niece.
Milo.
Skotinin, brother of Mrs. Prostakova.
Kuteikin, seminarian.
Tsyfirkin, retired sergeant.
Vralman, teacher.
Trishka, tailor.
Servant Prostakova.
Valet Starodum.
Action in the village of Prostakovs.
Act one
Phenomenon I
Mrs. Prostakova, Mitrofan, Eremeevna.
Ms. Prostakova(examining the caftan on Mitrofan). The caftan is all ruined. Eremeevna, bring the swindler Trishka here. (Eremeevna leaves.) He, the thief, burdened him everywhere. Mitrofanushka, my friend! I'm guessing you're dying. Call your father here.
Mitrofan leaves.
Phenomenon II
Mrs. Prostakova, Eremeevna, Trishka.
Ms. Prostakova(Trishka). And you, brute, come closer. Didn’t I tell you, you thieving mug, that you should make your caftan wider? The first child grows; another, a child and without a narrow caftan of delicate build. Tell me, idiot, what is your excuse?
Trishka. But, madam, I was self-taught. I reported to you at the same time: well, if you please, give it to the tailor.
Mrs. Prostakova. So is it really necessary to be a tailor to be able to sew a caftan well? What bestial reasoning!
Trishka. Yes, I learned to be a tailor, madam, but I didn’t.
Mrs. Prostakova. While searching, he argues. A tailor learned from another, another from a third, but who did the first tailor learn from? Speak up, beast.
Trishka. Yes, the first tailor, perhaps, sewed worse than mine.
Mitrofan(runs in). I called my father. I deigned to say: immediately.
Mrs. Prostakova. So go and get him out if you don’t get the good stuff.
Mitrofan. Yes, here comes the father.
Scene III
Same with Prostakov.
Mrs. Prostakova. What, why do you want to hide from me? This, sir, is how far I have lived with your indulgence. What's a new thing for a son to do with his uncle's agreement? What kind of caftan did Trishka deign to sew?
Prostakov(stammering out of timidity). Me... a little baggy.
Mrs. Prostakova. You yourself are baggy, smart head.
Prostakov. Yes, I thought, mother, that it seemed so to you.
Mrs. Prostakova. Are you blind yourself?
Prostakov. With your eyes, mine see nothing.
Mrs. Prostakova. This is the kind of hubby the Lord gave me: he doesn’t know how to figure out what’s wide and what’s narrow.
Prostakov. In this, mother, I believed and believe you.
Mrs. Prostakova. So believe also that I do not intend to indulge the slaves. Go, sir, and punish now...
Phenomenon IV
Same with Skotinin.
Skotinin. Whom? For what? On the day of my conspiracy! I ask you, sister, for such a holiday to postpone the punishment until tomorrow; and tomorrow, if you please, I myself will willingly help. If I weren’t Taras Skotinin, if not every fault is my fault. In this, sister, I have the same custom as you. Why are you so angry?
Mrs. Prostakova. Well, brother, I’ll go crazy on your eyes. Mitrofanushka, come here. Is this caftan baggy?
Skotinin. No.
Prostakov. Yes, I can already see, mother, that it is narrow.
Skotinin. I don't see that either. The caftan, brother, is well made.
Ms. Prostakova(Trishka). Get out, you bastard. (Eremeevna.) Go ahead, Eremeevna, give the child breakfast. Vit, I’m having tea, the teachers will come soon.
Eremeevna. He already, mother, deigned to eat five buns.
Mrs. Prostakova. So you feel sorry for the sixth one, beast? What zeal! Please take a look.
Eremeevna. Cheers, mother. I said this for Mitrofan Terentyevich. I grieved until the morning.
Mrs. Prostakova. Ah, Mother of God! What happened to you, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. Yes, mother. Yesterday after dinner I got it.
Skotinin. Yes, it’s clear, brother, you had a hearty dinner.
Mitrofan. And I, uncle, almost didn’t have dinner at all.
Prostakov. I remember, my friend, you wanted to eat something.
Mitrofan. What! Three slices of corned beef, and hearth slices, I don’t remember, five, I don’t remember, six.
Eremeevna. Every now and then he asked for a drink at night. I deigned to eat a whole jug of kvass.
Mitrofan. And now I’m walking around like crazy. All night such rubbish was in my eyes.
Mrs. Prostakova. What rubbish, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. Yes, either you, mother, or father.
Mrs. Prostakova. How is this possible?
Mitrofan. As soon as I start to fall asleep, I see that you, mother, deign to beat father.
Prostakov(to the side). Well, my bad! Sleep in hand!
Mitrofan(loosen up). So I felt sorry.
Ms. Prostakova(with annoyance). Who, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. You, mother: you are so tired, beating your father.
Mrs. Prostakova. Surround me, my dear friend! Here, son, is my only consolation.
Skotinin. Well, Mitrofanushka, I see you are a mother’s son, not a father’s son!
Prostakov. At least I love him, as a parent should, he’s a smart child, he’s a sensible child, he’s funny, he’s an entertainer; sometimes I am beside myself with him and with joy I truly do not believe that he is my son.
Skotinin. Only now our funny man is standing there, frowning.
Mrs. Prostakova. Shouldn't we send for a doctor to the city?
Mitrofan. No, no, mother. I'd rather get better on my own. Now I’ll run to the dovecote, maybe…
Mrs. Prostakova. So maybe the Lord is merciful. Go and have some fun, Mitrofanushka.
Mitrofan and Eremeevna leave.
Phenomenon V
Ms. Prostakova, Prostakov, Skotinin.
Skotinin. Why can't I see my bride? Where is she? There will be an agreement in the evening, so isn’t it time to tell her that they are marrying her off?
Mrs. Prostakova. We'll make it, brother. If we tell her this ahead of time, she may still think that we are reporting to her. Although by marriage, however, I am related to her; and I love that strangers listen to me.
Prostakov(to Skotinin). To tell the truth, we treated Sophia like an orphan. After her father she remained a baby. About six months ago, her mother, and my in-law, had a stroke...
Ms. Prostakova(showing as if he is baptizing his heart). The power of the god is with us.
Prostakov. From which she went to the next world. Her uncle, Mr. Starodum, went to Siberia; and since there has been no rumor or news of him for several years now, we consider him dead. We, seeing that she was left alone, took her to our village and look after her estate as if it were our own.
Mrs. Prostakova. What, why have you gone so crazy today, my father? Looking for a brother, he might think that we took her to us out of interest.
Prostakov. Well, mother, how should he think about this? After all, we can’t move Sofyushkino’s real estate estate to ourselves.
Skotinin. And although the movable has been put forward, I am not a petitioner. I don’t like to bother, and I’m afraid. No matter how much my neighbors offended me, no matter how much loss they caused, I did not attack anyone, and any loss, rather than going after it, I would rip off from my own peasants, and the ends would go to waste.
Current page: 1 (book has 5 pages in total)
Denis Ivanovich Fonvizin
Minor
Comedy in five acts
Characters
Prostakov.
Ms. Prostakova, his wife.
Mitrofan, their son, a minor.
Eremeevna, Mitrofanova's mother.
Pravdin.
Starodum.
Sophia, Starodum's niece.
Milo.
Skotinin, brother of Mrs. Prostakova.
Kuteikin, seminarian.
Tsyfirkin, retired sergeant.
Vralman, teacher.
Trishka, tailor.
Servant Prostakova.
Valet Starodum.
Action in the village of Prostakovs.
Act one
Phenomenon I
Mrs. Prostakova, Mitrofan, Eremeevna.
Ms. Prostakova (examining the caftan on Mitrofan). The caftan is all ruined. Eremeevna, bring the swindler Trishka here. (Eremeevna leaves.) He, the thief, burdened him everywhere. Mitrofanushka, my friend! I'm guessing you're dying. Call your father here.
Mitrofan leaves.
Phenomenon II
Mrs. Prostakova, Eremeevna, Trishka.
Ms. Prostakova (Trishka). And you, brute, come closer. Didn’t I tell you, you thieving mug, that you should make your caftan wider? The first child grows; another, a child and without a narrow caftan of delicate build. Tell me, idiot, what is your excuse?
Trishka. But, madam, I was self-taught. I reported to you at the same time: well, if you please, give it to the tailor.
Mrs. Prostakova. So is it really necessary to be a tailor to be able to sew a caftan well? What bestial reasoning!
Trishka. Yes, I learned to be a tailor, madam, but I didn’t.
Mrs. Prostakova. While searching, he argues. A tailor learned from another, another from a third, but who did the first tailor learn from? Speak up, beast.
Trishka. Yes, the first tailor, perhaps, sewed worse than mine.
Mitrofan (runs in). I called my father. I deigned to say: immediately.
Mrs. Prostakova. So go and get him out if you don’t get the good stuff.
Mitrofan. Yes, here comes the father.
Scene III
Same with Prostakov.
Mrs. Prostakova. What, why do you want to hide from me? This, sir, is how far I have lived with your indulgence. What's a new thing for a son to do with his uncle's agreement? What kind of caftan did Trishka deign to sew?
Prostakov (stammering out of timidity). Me... a little baggy.
Mrs. Prostakova. You yourself are baggy, smart head.
Prostakov. Yes, I thought, mother, that it seemed so to you.
Mrs. Prostakova. Are you blind yourself?
Prostakov. With your eyes, mine see nothing.
Mrs. Prostakova. This is the kind of hubby the Lord gave me: he doesn’t know how to figure out what’s wide and what’s narrow.
Prostakov. In this, mother, I believed and believe you.
Mrs. Prostakova. So believe also that I do not intend to indulge the slaves. Go, sir, and punish now...
Phenomenon IV
Same with Skotinin.
Skotinin. Whom? For what? On the day of my conspiracy! I ask you, sister, for such a holiday to postpone the punishment until tomorrow; and tomorrow, if you please, I myself will willingly help. If I weren’t Taras Skotinin, if not every fault is my fault. In this, sister, I have the same custom as you. Why are you so angry?
Mrs. Prostakova. Well, brother, I’ll go crazy on your eyes. Mitrofanushka, come here. Is this caftan baggy?
Skotinin. No.
Prostakov. Yes, I can already see, mother, that it is narrow.
Skotinin. I don't see that either. The caftan, brother, is well made.
Ms. Prostakova (Trishka). Get out, you bastard. (Eremeevna.) Go ahead, Eremeevna, give the child breakfast. Vit, I’m having tea, the teachers will come soon.
Eremeevna. He already, mother, deigned to eat five buns.
Mrs. Prostakova. So you feel sorry for the sixth one, beast? What zeal! Please take a look.
Eremeevna. Cheers, mother. I said this for Mitrofan Terentyevich. I grieved until the morning.
Mrs. Prostakova. Ah, Mother of God! What happened to you, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. Yes, mother. Yesterday after dinner I got it.
Skotinin. Yes, it’s clear, brother, you had a hearty dinner.
Mitrofan. And I, uncle, almost didn’t have dinner at all.
Prostakov. I remember, my friend, you wanted to eat something.
Mitrofan. What! Three slices of corned beef, and hearth slices, I don’t remember, five, I don’t remember, six.
Eremeevna. Every now and then he asked for a drink at night. I deigned to eat a whole jug of kvass.
Mitrofan. And now I’m walking around like crazy. All night such rubbish was in my eyes.
Mrs. Prostakova. What rubbish, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. Yes, either you, mother, or father.
Mrs. Prostakova. How is this possible?
Mitrofan. As soon as I start to fall asleep, I see that you, mother, deign to beat father.
Prostakov (to the side). Well, my bad! Sleep in hand!
Mitrofan (loosen up). So I felt sorry.
Ms. Prostakova (with annoyance). Who, Mitrofanushka?
Mitrofan. You, mother: you are so tired, beating your father.
Mrs. Prostakova. Surround me, my dear friend! Here, son, is my only consolation.
Skotinin. Well, Mitrofanushka, I see you are a mother’s son, not a father’s son!
Prostakov. At least I love him, as a parent should, he’s a smart child, he’s a sensible child, he’s funny, he’s an entertainer; sometimes I am beside myself with him and with joy I truly do not believe that he is my son.
Skotinin. Only now our funny man is standing there, frowning.
Mrs. Prostakova. Shouldn't we send for a doctor to the city?
Mitrofan. No, no, mother. I'd rather get better on my own. Now I’ll run to the dovecote, maybe…
Mrs. Prostakova. So maybe the Lord is merciful. Go and have some fun, Mitrofanushka.
Mitrofan and Eremeevna leave.
Phenomenon V
Ms. Prostakova, Prostakov, Skotinin.
Skotinin. Why can't I see my bride? Where is she? There will be an agreement in the evening, so isn’t it time to tell her that they are marrying her off?
Mrs. Prostakova. We'll make it, brother. If we tell her this ahead of time, she may still think that we are reporting to her. Although by marriage, however, I am related to her; and I love that strangers listen to me.
Prostakov (to Skotinin). To tell the truth, we treated Sophia like an orphan. After her father she remained a baby. About six months ago, her mother, and my in-law, had a stroke...
Ms. Prostakova (showing as if he is baptizing his heart). The power of the god is with us.
Prostakov. From which she went to the next world. Her uncle, Mr. Starodum, went to Siberia; and since there has been no rumor or news of him for several years now, we consider him dead. We, seeing that she was left alone, took her to our village and look after her estate as if it were our own.
Mrs. Prostakova. What, why have you gone so crazy today, my father? Looking for a brother, he might think that we took her to us out of interest.
Prostakov. Well, mother, how should he think about this? After all, we can’t move Sofyushkino’s real estate estate to ourselves.
Skotinin. And although the movable has been put forward, I am not a petitioner. I don’t like to bother, and I’m afraid. No matter how much my neighbors offended me, no matter how much loss they caused, I did not attack anyone, and any loss, rather than going after it, I would rip off from my own peasants, and the ends would go to waste.
Prostakov. It’s true, brother: the whole neighborhood says that you are a master at collecting rent.
Mrs. Prostakova. At least you taught us, brother father; but we just can’t do it. Since we took away everything the peasants had, we can’t take anything back. Such a disaster!
Skotinin. Please, sister, I will teach you, I will teach you, just marry me to Sophia.
Mrs. Prostakova. Did you really like this girl that much?
Skotinin. No, it's not the girl I like.
Prostakov. So next door to her village?
Skotinin. And not the villages, but the fact that it is found in the villages and what my mortal desire is.
Mrs. Prostakova. Until what, brother?
Skotinin. I love pigs, sister, and in our neighborhood there are such large pigs that there is not a single one of them that, standing on its hind legs, would not be taller than each of us by a whole head.
Prostakov. It’s a strange thing, brother, how family can resemble family. Mitrofanushka is our uncle. And he was a hunter of pigs, just like you. When I was still three years old, when I saw a pig, I used to tremble with joy.
Skotinin. This is truly a curiosity! Well, brother, Mitrofan loves pigs because he is my nephew. There is some similarity here; Why am I so addicted to pigs?
Prostakov. And there is some similarity here, I think so.
Scene VI
Same with Sophia.
Sophia entered holding a letter in her hand and looking cheerful.
Ms. Prostakova (Sofya). Why are you so happy, mother? What are you happy about?
Sophia. I have now received good news. My uncle, about whom we knew nothing for so long, whom I love and honor as my father, recently arrived in Moscow. Here is the letter I have now received from him.
Ms. Prostakova (frightened, with anger). How! Starodum, your uncle, is alive! And you deign to say that he has risen! That's a fair amount of fiction!
Sophia. Yes, he never died.
Mrs. Prostakova. Didn't die! But shouldn't he die? No, madam, these are your inventions, in order to intimidate us with your uncle, so that we give you freedom. Uncle is a smart man; he, seeing me in the wrong hands, will find a way to help me out. That's what you're glad about, madam; however, perhaps, don’t be very happy: your uncle, of course, did not resurrect.
Skotinin. Sister, what if he didn’t die?
Prostakov. God forbid he didn't die!
Ms. Prostakova (to husband). How did you not die? Why are you confusing grandma? Don’t you know that for several years now he has been commemorated by me in memorials for his repose? Surely my sinful prayers didn’t reach me! (To Sophia.) Perhaps a letter for me. (Almost throws up.) I bet it's some kind of amorous. And I can guess from whom. This is from the officer who was looking to marry you and whom you yourself wanted to marry. What a beast gives you letters without my asking! I'll get there. This is what we have come to. They write letters to the girls! The girls can read and write!
Sophia. Read it yourself, madam. You will see that nothing could be more innocent.
Mrs. Prostakova. Read it for yourself! No, madam, thank God, I was not brought up like that. I can receive letters, but I always tell someone else to read them. (To my husband.) Read.
Prostakov (looks for a long time). It's tricky.
Mrs. Prostakova. And you, my father, were apparently raised like a pretty girl. Brother, read it, work hard.
Skotinin. I? I haven't read anything in my life, sister! God saved me from this boredom.
Sophia. Let me read it.
Mrs. Prostakova. Oh mother! I know that you are a craftswoman, but I don’t really believe you. Here, I’m having tea, teacher Mitrofanushkin will come soon. I tell him...
Skotinin. Have you started teaching the youngster to read and write?
Mrs. Prostakova. Oh, dear brother! I've been studying for four years now. There’s nothing, it’s a sin to say that we don’t try to educate Mitrofanushka. We pay three teachers. The sexton from Pokrov, Kuteikin, comes to him to read and write. One retired sergeant, Tsyfirkin, teaches him arithmetic, father. Both of them come here from the city. The city is three miles away from us, father. He is taught French and all sciences by the German Adam Adamych Vralman. This is three hundred rubles a year. We seat you at the table with us. Our women wash his linen. Where needed - a horse. There is a glass of wine at the table. At night there is a tallow candle, and our Fomka sends the wig for free. To tell the truth, we are happy with him, dear brother. He doesn't oppress the child. Vit, my father, while Mitrofanushka is still undergrowth, sweat and pamper him; and there, in ten years, when he enters, God forbid, into service, he will suffer everything. As for anyone, happiness is destined for them, brother. From our surname Prostakovs, look - the tissue, lying on its side, is flying to its ranks. Why is their Mitrofanushka worse? Bah! Yes, by the way, our dear guest came here.
Scene VII
Same with Pravdin.
Mrs. Prostakova. Brother, my friend! I recommend to you our dear guest, Mr. Pravdin; and to you, my lord, I recommend my brother.
Pravdin. I am glad to have made your acquaintance.
Skotinin. Okay, my lord! As for the last name, I didn’t hear it.
Pravdin. I call myself Pravdin so you can hear.
Skotinin. Which native, my lord? Where are the villages?
Pravdin. I was born in Moscow, if you need to know, and my villages are in the local governorship.
Skotinin. Do I dare ask, my sir—I don’t know my name and patronymic—are there pigs in your villages?
Mrs. Prostakova. Enough, brother, let’s start about pigs. Let's talk better about our grief. (To Pravdin.) Here, father! God told us to take the girl into our arms. She deigns to receive letters from her uncles. Uncles write to her from the other world. Do me a favor, my father, take the trouble to read it out loud to all of us.
Pravdin. Excuse me, madam. I never read letters without the permission of those to whom they are written.
Sophia. I ask you this. You will do me a great favor.
Pravdin. If you order. (Is reading.)“Dear niece! My affairs forced me to live for several years in separation from my neighbors; and the distance deprived me of the pleasure of hearing about you. I am now in Moscow, having lived in Siberia for several years. I can serve as an example that through hard work and honesty you can make your own fortune. By these means, with the help of happiness, I earned ten thousand rubles in income...”
Skotinin and both Prostakovs. Ten thousand!
Pravdin (is reading). “...to whom, my dear niece, I make you heir...”
Mrs. Prostakova. You as heiress!
Prostakov. Sophia is the heiress!
Skotinin. Her heiress!
Ms. Prostakova (rushing to hug Sophia). Congratulations, Sofyushka! Congratulations, my soul! I'm overjoyed! Now you need a groom. I, I don’t wish for a better bride for Mitrofanushka. That's it, uncle! That's my dear father! I myself still thought that God was protecting him, that he was still alive.
Skotinin (extending his hand). Well, sister, quickly shake hands.
Ms. Prostakova (quietly to Skotinin). Wait, brother. First you need to ask her if she still wants to marry you?
Skotinin. How! What a question! Are you really going to report to her?
Skotinin. And for what? Even if you read for five years, you won’t finish reading better than ten thousand.
Ms. Prostakova (to Sophia). Sophia, my soul! let's go to my bedroom. I have an urgent need to talk to you. (Took Sophia away.)
Skotinin. Bah! So I see that today it is unlikely that there will be any conspiracy.
Scene VIII
Pravdin, Prostakov, Skotinin, servant.
Servant (to Prostakov, out of breath). Master! master! soldiers came and stopped in our village.
Prostakov. What a disaster! Well, they will ruin us completely!
Pravdin. What are you afraid of?
Prostakov. Ah, dear father! We've already seen the sights. I don’t dare show up to them.
Pravdin. Do not be afraid. They are, of course, led by an officer who will not allow any insolence. Come with me to him. I am sure that you are timid in vain.
Pravdin, Prostakov and the servant leave.
Skotinin. Everyone left me alone. The idea was to go for a walk in the barnyard.
End of the first act
Act two
Phenomenon I
Pravdin, Milon.
Milo. How glad I am, my dear friend, that I accidentally met you! Tell me in what case...
Pravdin. As a friend, I will tell you the reason for my stay here. I have been appointed a member of the local governorship. I have orders to travel around the local district; and besides, out of my own deed of heart, I do not allow myself to notice those malicious ignoramuses who, having complete power over their people, use it inhumanly for evil. You know the way of thinking of our governor. With what zeal does he help suffering humanity! With what zeal does he thus fulfill the philanthropic forms of the highest power! In our region we ourselves have experienced that where the governor is such as the governor is depicted in the Institution, there the welfare of the inhabitants is true and reliable. I've been living here for three days now. He found the landowner an infinite fool, and his wife a despicable fury, whose hellish disposition brings misfortune to their entire house. Are you thinking, my friend, tell me, how long did you stay here?
Milo. I'm leaving here in a few hours.
Pravdin. What's so soon? Have a rest.
Milo. I can not. I was ordered to lead the soldiers without delay... yes, moreover, I myself am eager to be in Moscow.
Pravdin. What is the reason?
Milo. I will tell you the secret of my heart, dear friend! I am in love and have the happiness of being loved. For more than six months I have been separated from the one who is dearer to me than anything else in the world, and what is even sadder is that I have not heard anything about her during all this time. Often, attributing the silence to her coldness, I was tormented by grief; but suddenly I received news that shocked me. They write to me that, after the death of her mother, some distant relatives took her to their villages. I don’t know: neither who, nor where. Perhaps she is now in the hands of some selfish people who, taking advantage of her orphanhood, are keeping her in tyranny. This thought alone makes me beside myself.
Pravdin. I see similar inhumanity in the house here. I am striving, however, to soon put limits on the wife’s malice and the husband’s stupidity. I have already notified our boss about all the local barbarities and I have no doubt that measures will be taken to calm them down.
Milo. Happy are you, my friend, being able to alleviate the fate of the unfortunate. I don’t know what to do in my sad situation.
Pravdin. Let me ask about her name.
Milo(excited). A! here she is.
Phenomenon II
Same with Sophia.
Sophia (in admiration). Milon! Do I see you?
Pravdin. What happiness!
Milo. This is the one who owns my heart. Dear Sophia! Tell me, how do I find you here?
Sophia. How many sorrows have I endured since the day of our separation! My unscrupulous relatives...
Pravdin. My friend! Don’t ask about what is so sad for her... You will learn from me what rudeness...
Milo. Unworthy people!
Sophia. Today, however, for the first time the local landlady changed her behavior towards me. Having heard that my uncle was making me an heiress, she suddenly turned from being rude and scolding to the point of being affectionate to the very base, and I can see from all her circumlocutions that she intends me to be his son’s bride.
Milo(eagerly). And you didn’t show her complete contempt at that very moment?..
Sophia. No…
Milo. And you didn’t tell her that you had a commitment from the heart, that...
Sophia. No.
Milo. A! now I see my destruction. My opponent is happy! I do not deny all the merits in it. He may be reasonable, enlightened, kind; but so that you can compare with me in my love for you, so that...
Sophia (grinning). My God! If you saw him, your jealousy would drive you to the extreme!
Milo(indignantly). I imagine all its virtues.
Sophia. You can’t even imagine everyone. Although he is sixteen years old, he has already reached the last degree of his perfection and will not go any further.
Pravdin. How can it not go further, madam? He finishes studying the Book of Hours; and there, one must think, they will start working on the Psalter.
Milo. How! Is this my opponent? And, dear Sophia, why do you torment me with a joke? You know how easily a passionate person is upset by the slightest suspicion.
Sophia. Think how miserable my condition is! I couldn’t answer this stupid proposal decisively. In order to get rid of their rudeness, in order to have some freedom, I was forced to hide my feelings.
Milo. What did you answer her?
Here Skotinin walks through the theater, lost in thought, and no one sees him.
Sophia. I said that my fate depended on my uncle’s will, that he himself promised to come here in his letter, which (to Pravdin) Mr. Skotinin did not allow you to finish reading.
Milo. Skotinin!
Skotinin. I!
Scene III
Same with Skotinin.
Pravdin. How did you sneak up, Mr. Skotinin! I would not expect this from you.
Skotinin. I passed by you. I heard that they were calling me, and I responded. I have this custom: whoever screams - Skotinin! And I told him: I am! What are you, brothers, really? I myself served in the guard and was retired as a corporal. It used to be that at the roll call they would shout: Taras Skotinin! And I’m at the top of my lungs: I am!
Pravdin. We didn’t call you now, and you can go where you were going.
Skotinin. I wasn’t going anywhere, but wandering around, lost in thought. I have such a custom that if I get into my head, I can’t knock it out with a nail. In my mind, you hear, what came into my mind is stuck here. That’s all I think about, that’s all I see in a dream, as if in reality, and in reality, as in a dream.
Pravdin. Why would you be so interested now?
Skotinin. Oh, brother, you are my dear friend! Miracles are happening to me. My sister quickly took me from my village to hers, and if she just as quickly takes me from her village to mine, then I can say in front of the whole world with a clear conscience: I went for nothing, I brought nothing.
Pravdin. What a pity, Mr. Skotinin! Your sister plays with you like a ball.
Skotinin (angry). How about a ball? God protect! Yes, I myself will throw it so that the whole village will not find it in a week.
Sophia. Oh, how angry you are!
Milo. What happened to you?
Skotinin. You yourself, clever man, think about it. My sister brought me here to get married. Now she herself came up with a challenge: “What do you want, brother, in a wife; If only you had a good pig, brother.” No, sister! I want to have my own piglets. It's not easy to fool me.
Pravdin. It seems to me myself, Mr. Skotinin, that your sister is thinking about a wedding, but not about yours.
Skotinin. What a parable! I am not a hindrance to anyone else. Everyone should marry his bride. I won’t touch someone else’s, and don’t touch mine. (Sofya.) Don't worry, darling. No one will interrupt you from me.
Sophia. What does it mean? Here's something new!
Milo(screamed). What audacity!
Skotinin (to Sophia). Why are you afraid?
Pravdin (to Milan). How can you be angry with Skotinin!
Sophia (to Skotinin). Am I really destined to be your wife?
Milo. I can hardly resist!
Skotinin. You can’t beat your betrothed with a horse, darling! It's a sin to blame for your own happiness. You will live happily ever after with me. Ten thousand to your income! Eco happiness has arrived; Yes, I have never seen so much since I was born; Yes, I will buy all the pigs from the world with them; Yes, you hear me, I’ll do it so that everyone will blow the trumpet: in this little area around here there are only pigs to live.
Pravdin. When only your cattle can be happy, then your wife will have bad peace from them and from you.
Skotinin. Poor peace! bah! bah! bah! Don't I have enough light rooms? I’ll give her a coal stove and a bed for her alone. You are my dear friend! If now, without seeing anything, I have a special bite for each pig, then I’ll find a light for my wife.
Milo. What a bestial comparison!
Pravdin (to Skotinin). Nothing will happen, Mr. Skotinin! I will tell you that your sister will read it for her son.
Skotinin. How! The nephew should interrupt his uncle! Yes, I’ll break him like hell at the first meeting. Well, if I’m a pig’s son, if I’m not her husband, or Mitrofan is a freak.