It was necessary to choose one of two things: to die or to somehow be saved.
- Well, what did you choose?
- Guess.
But my hand, thank God, is strong, and my head, thank God, is thinking!
Are you saying that a person can lift himself up by his own hair?
- Necessarily. A thinking person is simply obliged to do this from time to time.
What, cherry tree?
- Tree? On the head of a deer? Say better - cherry orchard!
- If a garden grew, I would say garden. And since the tree has grown, why should I lie?
Oh!
- Of course, we all know how to pull. The handle is hanging, why not pull it?
Mister Baron has been waiting for you for a long time. He has been working in his office since the morning.
- He locked himself and asked: “Thomas, he says, Mr. Pastor has not arrived yet?”
- I say: “Not yet.”
- He says, “Well, thank God.”
Mister Baron once went hunting in the forest.
- The bear rushed at him. And since Mister Baron was without a gun...
- Why was he without a gun?
- I’m telling you, he went hunting.
Thomas, look, are they flying? A?
- They're flying, Mister Baron! Now they will fly over our house.
- We'll shoot through the chimney.
So how?
- Got it. Duck. With apples. It looks like it's cooked well.
“It seems like she doused herself with sauce on the way.”
- Yes? How nice of her.
So. Unfortunately, Baron, I can't help you.
- Why?
- Because while your wife is alive, you cannot marry again.
- You say alive?
- When alive.
-Are you proposing to kill her?
- God! God forbid you, Baron!
Maybe you shouldn't have started with Sophocles? And this time you were too clever with the duck too.
- I wanted to cheer him up. I was told: clever man.
- Well, you never know what they talk about a person.
Mr. Ramkopf, you are a friend of our family, you do a lot for us. Take it one step further!
- Everything in my power.
- Challenge your father to a duel.
- Never.
- But why?
- Well, first of all, he will kill me. And secondly...
- The first one is enough. Calm down, Feo.
Judging by the abundance of compliments, did you come back with bad news?
No reason? The man destroyed his family, drove his wife and child out onto the street.
- What child? I'm an officer!
- Kicked out his wife and the officer.
But is this a fact?
- No, this is not a fact.
- This is not a fact?
- No, this is not a fact. This is much more than a fact. That's how it really was.
The fact is that our beloved Duke in Lately was in some confrontation with our beloved Duchess.
- And what?
- Oh.
- Terrible boy. Just like my father.
- Oh well. They say she caught him with some lady-in-waiting. It was terrible! It was...
- And what?
- Being somewhat nervously overexcited, the Duke suddenly grabbed and signed several petitions for divorce with the words “Freedom! Free everyone!”
The whole solution is in the waist. Where do you think we will make the waist?
- At chest level.
- Brilliant!
- Brilliant, like everything true.
I will not allow the waistline to be lowered to the hips. 155.
- After all, we are the center of Europe.
“I won’t let any Spaniards dictate terms to us.”
- If you want a cut-off sleeve, please.
- Do you want a pleated skirt with darts? I accept this too.
- But I won’t let you lower your waistline.
- "The daily routine of Baron Karl Friedrich Hieronymus von Munchausen on May 30, 1779."
- Curious.
- Very much.
- "Wake up at 6 o'clock in the morning."
- Not punishable.
- "From 8 a.m. to 10 a.m. is a feat."
- What does it mean?
- This means that from 8 to 10 in the morning he has a feat planned. Well? What do you say, burgomaster, about a man who every day goes to heroic deeds, as if to serve?
I serve myself, madam. Every day at nine in the morning I have to go to my magistrate. I won't say that this is a feat. But in general there is something heroic in this.
Gentlemen, we have reached a very interesting point. "16:00 - war with England."
- With whom?!
- With England.
- Lord, why didn’t England please him?
- Where is she? Where, I ask you?
- Who?
- England.
Recall all those dismissed to the reserve. Cancel holidays. Build a guard on central square. The dress code is summer, formal. Blue uniforms with gold trim. Sewn-in sleeve. The lapels are wide. The waist is 10 cm lower than in peacetime.
- Below?
- That is, higher.
- And the chest?
- What, breasts?
- Should we leave it where it is?
- No, we take it with us.
Is it really impossible to arrest one single person? The horse is tired!
- It's okay, Your Highness. Baron Munchausen will be arrested any minute. He asked me to tell you not to disperse.
What is this?
- Arrested.
- Why with an orchestra?
- Your Highness, first celebrations were planned, then arrests. Then they decided to combine.
Where is our guard? Where is the guard?
- Obviously, he is outflanking.
- Whom?
- Everyone.
Hand over your sword.
- Your Highness, do not go against your conscience.
- I know, you are a noble man, and in your heart you are also against England.
- Yes, in my heart I’m against it. Yes, I don't like her... Yes.
- But I sit and keep quiet. War is...
Why does the war continue? Don’t they read your newspapers?
My husband, gentlemen, a dangerous person! 20 years of my life are given to him! For 20 years I pacified him. I kept him within bounds family life. And thereby saving lives. Your life. The life of society comes from him!...
It's not scary that I'm abandoned. Not scary. It's scary that he's free!
What is she talking about?
- He's hiding the Baron.
- And what does he say?
- It’s clear that he’s a scoundrel, he says. He's crazy, he's an unfortunate liar.
- And what does he want?
- It’s clear why, so as not to quit.
- Logical.
There are couples made for love. We were created for divorce.
Jacobina has not loved me since childhood and, to give her credit, she managed to evoke reciprocal feelings in me.
In church, when the priest asked whether we wanted to become husband and wife, we unanimously answered “no,” and we were immediately married.
After the wedding, my wife and I left for our honeymoon.
I went to Turkey, she went to Switzerland, and for three years they lived there in love and harmony.
Great God, make sure everything goes well.
Help us, Lord. We love each other so much.
And don't be angry with Karl, Lord.
He is impudent, he is often ready to argue with you, but, Lord, you are older, you are wiser.
You must give in. Give in, Lord.
You've already endured so much. Well, be patient a little longer.
Baron, you are man of sense. I have always treated you with sympathy.
I respected your way of thinking. Loose shoulder line, tapered trousers.
We have too many of them, these obstacles. They are beyond my strength. Lord, why didn’t you marry Joan of Arc? She agreed.
- I knew that I would meet Martha.
And let the monument that we erect in his honor become a symbol...
- The symbol is sluggish.
- Okay, let it become more than just a symbol.
- Better.
- Let it become not only a symbol of the city’s selfless love for its citizen...
- It’s better to say: “To your great son.”
- Better. Let it become a source of courage, courage, a spring of life-giving optimism that will never stop flowing...
- Better to say flow.
- But the spring, it flows.
- Sometimes it hits, and sometimes it flows. IN in this case It's better for it to flow.
What time is it, Thomas?
- The clock struck 3, the baron fell at 2, so it was only an hour.
- Why are you talking? You have to add 3 plus 2.
- Previously it was necessary to add, but now it’s better to subtract.
The only pity is that it’s only one half. What if you are not afraid and...
- Eliminate.
- Or bring it closer?
- Connect.
- Well... This is even funnier.
- Much. And water will immediately flow.
-Where are we going to get the water from? From what place?
- We won’t pour water out of Munchausen, gentlemen. No need.
- He is as dear to us as Munchausen. Like Karl Friedrich Hieronymus.
- And whether his horse drinks or doesn’t drink is not of concern to us.
- Not in the desert.
Are you all joking?
- I quit a long time ago. Doctors forbid it.
- Since when did you start going to doctors?
- Immediately after death.
Good boy?
- 12 kilograms.
- Running?
- For what? Walking.
- Chatting?
- Silent.
- Smart boy, he will go far.
Tomorrow is the anniversary of your death. Do you want to ruin our holiday?
Let's talk another time.
- Fine. Today at midnight at the monument.
- At the monument. To whom?
- To me.
Mister Burgomaster! His Highness the Duke missed again! For the fourth time we drive this pig past His Highness, and His Highness, excuse the expression, smears and smears. Will you order us to drive away for the fifth time?
- No. Inconvenient. He already remembered his face.
- Who will win?
- Duke of the Boar.
No, well, we're done, huh? We've done it! We steal bears from the gypsies! But they were, were... Literally the homeland of bears.
Martha left me.
- She's gone crazy. Ungrateful, rubbish. Cook. She thinks it's easy to be the lover of such a man. Scoundrel. We'll get her back.
- It's not scary. Really. We'll persuade her.
No, you don't know her well. To get her back, you have to get yourself back.
Here are the facts: an extract from the church register, a certificate of death of the baron, a receipt for the coffin.
It would seem that there is more than enough evidence.
However, the defendant continues to persist!
Taking advantage of your external resemblance with the late baron, having insidiously taken possession of his gait, voice and even fingerprints, the defendant naively hopes to deceive us and force us to recognize our dear baron, whom we solemnly celebrated three years ago!
Frau Martha, Frau Martha! Frau Martha, we are in trouble, the baron has risen.
There will be trouble, Frau Martha.
If a person wants to tell the truth, he has the right to do so. I would just like to know what truth you mean?
- There is only one truth!
- There is no truth at all.
- Yes. The truth is what's in this moment considered true.
God! Do you really have to kill a person to understand that he is alive!
- Well said. Very. But we have no choice.
Mister Pastor, Mister Pastor!
- Well?
- Ask to be let through!
- I packed him some things for the trip. Still, the path is not close.
- Do you really think that he will make it?
- To the moon? Certainly.
- You can’t even see her.
- When you can see it, the fool will fly. The Baron likes it to be more difficult.
Amazing.
- What, your highness?
- I say, it’s amazing how our people harmonize with nature.
- ABOUT! I'll remember this.
- You write it down.
Well, won’t there be anything unnecessary?
- What are you saying, Your Highness? Everything will go according to plan. After the overture - interrogations. After - the last word the defendant, volleys, general fun, dancing.
Why can't you hear? I don't understand what they are talking about.
- Your Highness, the defendant thanks the city authorities and seems to be joking with his beloved.
- Fine. Especially the lace collar and front dart really suit him. And in general, he looks like a deceased person.
Well... Let's confess.
- I did this all my life, but no one believed me.
- Please, ease your soul.
- It happened naturally, pastor. I had a friend. He betrayed me. I had a favorite. She renounced. I'm flying light.
Rough. How we still love... Always would... This is not the main thing.
They put raw gunpowder, Karl! They want to stop you, Karl!
- Here. Thank you. Thank you, Martha. Let them envy! Who else has such a woman?
My God. The pharmacist's daughter is the pharmacist's daughter.
Where is the commander?
- Commands.
I don't understand anything anymore. So is it him or not?
-Can’t wait 2 minutes?
Well, here's the thing, we were all probably wrong about something...
- Gentlemen, the decision of the Hanoverian court in connection with the successful completion of the experiment...
- Since everything has turned out this way, let it go as it goes...
- It is ordered, by the highest command it is ordered to consider the defendant Baron Munchausen!
- And here some people began to allow themselves to sew on patch pockets and tighten sleeves - we will not allow this.
Heartiest congratulations!
- But with what?!
- Happy return from the Moon!
- Not true! This time I wasn't on the moon!
- How was it not, when there is already a decision that there was?
Join us quietly...
- Join us, Baron. Join us.
Yes, understand!
Baron Munchausen is famous not for the fact that he flew or did not fly.
And the fact that he doesn’t lie.
Thomas, go home! Prepare dinner! When I return, let it be 6 o'clock!
- 6 pm or 6 am?
- 6 days.
I understand what your problem is. You are too serious. An intelligent face is not yet a sign of intelligence, gentlemen. All stupid things on earth are done with this facial expression. Smile, gentlemen, smile.
Even if you haven’t seen the film “That Same Munchausen,” quotes from it are worth reading.
It cannot be that one smart person does not understand another...
You are a great man, Baron Munchausen, and yet the dust falls on you too.
Every husband, returning home after a week's absence, tries to deceive his wife, but not everyone would think of claiming that he was on the Moon!
The fact is that time in heaven and on earth does not fly the same way. There are moments, there are centuries... Everything is relative. However, this takes a long time to explain.
Who signed? Did I sign?.. Yes, I signed...
It only takes a minute to fall in love. To get a divorce, sometimes you have to live together for twenty years.
We were sincere in our misconceptions!
Are you saying that a person can lift himself up by his own hair?
- Necessarily! A thinking person is simply obliged to do this from time to time.
In Germany, having the surname Müller is the same as not having any.
Mr. Baron has already asked about you three times: “You haven’t come, he says, Mr. Pastor?” No, I say, I didn’t come... “Well, thank God,” he says. Waiting for you...
Where is the commander?
- Commands!
Where is your wife?
- She ran away from me two years ago.
- To tell the truth, I would do it too.
- That's why I'm not marrying you...
After the wedding, we immediately left for our honeymoon. I went to Turkey, my wife went to Switzerland, and we lived there for three years in love and harmony
Divorce is disgusting not only because it separates spouses, but also because it calls the man free and the woman abandoned.
They say that humor is useful, a joke, they say, prolongs life.
- Not everyone. For those who laugh, it prolongs. The one who makes jokes shortens it.
Is it night?
- Night.
- And how long?
- Since the evening.
He shot not cherries, but currants when they flew over his house.
- The Bears?
- Well, not mammoths.
He left his wife and child!
- I'm not a child, I'm an officer!
- He left his wife with an officer!
Is it really necessary to kill a person to understand that he is alive?
To me? Single breasted uniform? Do you know that no one fights in a single-breasted suit anymore? We are not ready for war!
But this is a fact!
- No, this is not a fact.
- This is not a fact?
- No, this is not a fact. This is much more than a fact. That's how it really was.
The clock struck 2, the baron fired 3 times, so it was 5 o’clock!
On such a day it is difficult to live, but easy to die.
They told me: a smart man!
- Well, you never know what people are talking about...
And when the bear rushed at him, Mr. Baron grabbed him by the front paws and held him until he died.
- Why did he die?
- From hunger. The bear, as you know, feeds by sucking its paw, and since Mister Baron deprived him of this opportunity...
- And what, do you believe in all this?
- Certainly. You saw for yourself how thin he is.
- Who?
- Bear.
- What bear?
- The one you saw.
Challenge your father to a duel.
- Never!
- But why?
- Firstly, he will kill me, and secondly...
- And the first one is enough.
Judging by the abundance of compliments, you are again with bad news.
We have forgotten how to do little stupid things. We stopped climbing through the window to see the women we love...
Baron Munchausen is famous not because he flew to the moon. He is famous for never lying.
Love is an axiom that must be constantly proven.
I understand what your problem is: you are too serious! An intelligent face is not a sign of intelligence, gentlemen. All stupid things on earth are done with this facial expression. Smile, gentlemen! Smile!
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Anyone who is able to pull himself out of the swamp by his own hair is worthy of remarkable respect. That's why website I have collected for you apt and sharp sayings of the famous Baron Munchausen, which teach you not to lose heart and to treat life and yourself with irony. In our time, believe me, this is important.
- My best friend I was betrayed, my beloved renounced. I'm flying light.
- Are you waiting for me, darling? Sorry... Newton delayed me.
- After the wedding, we immediately went on a honeymoon: I went to Turkey, my wife went to Switzerland. And they lived there for three years in love and harmony.
- Long live divorce! It eliminates the lies that I hate so much!
- We were sincere in our misconceptions!
- Tomorrow is the anniversary of your death. Do you want to ruin our holiday?
- -Are you saying that a person can lift himself up by his hair?
- Necessarily! Every sane person is simply obliged to do this from time to time!
- Well, I can’t change because of every idiot!
- Being in some nervous excitement, the Duke suddenly grabbed and signed several petitions for divorce with the words: “Freedom, everyone free!”
- I wasn't afraid to seem funny. Not everyone can afford this.
- Mister Baron has been waiting for you for a long time. He has been working in his office since the morning, locked himself and asks: “Thomas,” he says, “hasn’t Mr. Pastor arrived yet?” I say: “Not yet.” He says: “Well, thank God!” It's waiting for you.
- If you have a mistress, good luck! Nowadays everyone has mistresses. But we can’t allow them to marry. It is immoral!
- It only takes a minute to fall in love. To get a divorce, sometimes you have to live together for twenty years.
- Is it really necessary to kill a person to understand that he is alive?
- - You allow kings to get divorced.
- Well, for kings in special cases, as an exception, when it is necessary, say, for procreation.
- To procreate, something completely different is needed. - - Explain to the court why everything was fine for 20 years, and suddenly such a tragedy?
- Sorry, Mr. Judge, the tragedy lasted for twenty years, and only now everything should be fine! - My funeral alone gave me more money than my entire previous life.
- These are not my adventures, this is not my life! She is smoothed, combed, powdered and neutered!
- - Are you all joking?
- I quit a long time ago. Doctors forbid it.
- Since when did you start going to doctors?
- Immediately after death...
- They say that humor is useful, a joke, they say, prolongs life.
- Not everyone. For those who laugh, it extends. He who makes jokes shortens it.
Just like that. - I understand what your problem is. You are too serious. All stupid things on earth are done with this facial expression... Smile, gentlemen, smile.
The same Munchausen
...................................................................................................................................................................................
It was necessary to choose one of two things: to die or to somehow be saved.
- Well, what did you choose?
- Guess.
But my hand, thank God, is strong, and my head, thank God, is thinking!
Are you saying that a person can lift himself up by his own hair?
- Necessarily. A thinking person is simply obliged to do this from time to time.
What, cherry tree?
- Tree? On the head of a deer? Say better - cherry orchard!
- If a garden grew, I would say garden. And since the tree has grown, why should I lie?
Oh!
- Of course, we all know how to pull. The handle is hanging, why not pull it?
Mister Baron has been waiting for you for a long time. He has been working in his office since the morning.
- He locked himself and asked: “Thomas, he says, Mr. Pastor has not arrived yet?”
- I say: “Not yet.”
- He says, “Well, thank God.”
Mister Baron once went hunting in the forest.
- The bear rushed at him. And since Mister Baron was without a gun...
- Why was he without a gun?
- I’m telling you, he went hunting.
Thomas, look, are they flying? A?
- They're flying, Mister Baron! Now they will fly over our house.
- We'll shoot through the chimney.
So how?
- Got it. Duck. With apples. It looks like it's cooked well.
“It seems like she doused herself with sauce on the way.”
- Yes? How nice of her.
So. Unfortunately, Baron, I can't help you.
- Why?
- Because while your wife is alive, you cannot marry again.
- You say alive?
- When alive.
-Are you proposing to kill her?
- God! God forbid you, Baron!
Maybe you shouldn't have started with Sophocles? And this time you were too clever with the duck too.
- I wanted to cheer him up. They told me: a smart man.
- Well, you never know what they talk about a person.
Mr. Ramkopf, you are a friend of our family, you do a lot for us. Take it one step further!
- Everything in my power.
- Challenge your father to a duel.
- Never.
- But why?
- Well, first of all, he will kill me. And secondly...
- The first one is enough. Calm down, Feo.
Judging by the abundance of compliments, did you come back with bad news?
No reason? The man destroyed his family, drove his wife and child out onto the street.
- What child? I'm an officer!
- Kicked out his wife and the officer.
But is this a fact?
- No, this is not a fact.
- This is not a fact?
- No, this is not a fact. This is much more than a fact. That's how it really was.
The fact is that our adored Duke has recently been in some confrontation with our adored Duchess.
- And what?
- Oh.
- Terrible boy. Just like my father.
- Oh well. They say she caught him with some lady-in-waiting. It was terrible! It was...
- And what?
- Being somewhat nervously overexcited, the Duke suddenly grabbed and signed several petitions for divorce with the words “Freedom! Free everyone!”
The whole solution is in the waist. Where do you think we will make the waist?
- At chest level.
- Brilliant!
- Brilliant, like everything true.
I will not allow the waistline to be lowered to the hips. 155.
- After all, we are the center of Europe.
“I won’t let any Spaniards dictate terms to us.”
- If you want a cut-off sleeve, please.
- Do you want a pleated skirt with darts? I accept this too.
- But I won’t let you lower your waistline.
- "The daily routine of Baron Karl Friedrich Hieronymus von Munchausen on May 30, 1779."
- Curious.
- Very much.
- "Wake up at 6 o'clock in the morning."
- Not punishable.
- "From 8 a.m. to 10 a.m. is a feat."
- What does it mean?
- This means that from 8 to 10 in the morning he has a feat planned. Well? What do you say, burgomaster, about a man who every day goes to heroic deeds, as if to serve?
I serve myself, madam. Every day at nine in the morning I have to go to my magistrate. I won't say that this is a feat. But in general there is something heroic in this.
Gentlemen, we have reached a very interesting point. "16:00 - war with England."
- With whom?!
- With England.
- Lord, why didn’t England please him?
- Where is she? Where, I ask you?
- Who?
- England.
Recall all those dismissed to the reserve. Cancel holidays. Build a guard in the central square. The dress code is summer, formal. Blue uniforms with gold trim. Sewn-in sleeve. The lapels are wide. The waist is 10 cm lower than in peacetime.
- Below?
- That is, higher.
- And the chest?
- What, breasts?
- Should we leave it where it is?
- No, we take it with us.
Is it really impossible to arrest one single person? The horse is tired!
- It's okay, Your Highness. Baron Munchausen will be arrested any minute. He asked me to tell you not to disperse.
What is this?
- Arrested.
- Why with an orchestra?
- Your Highness, first celebrations were planned, then arrests. Then they decided to combine.
Where is our guard? Where is the guard?
- Obviously, he is outflanking.
- Whom?
- Everyone.
Hand over your sword.
- Your Highness, do not go against your conscience.
- I know, you are a noble man, and in your heart you are also against England.
- Yes, in my heart I’m against it. Yes, I don't like her... Yes.
- But I sit and keep quiet. War is...
Why does the war continue? Don’t they read your newspapers?
My husband, gentlemen, is a dangerous man! 20 years of my life are given to him! For 20 years I pacified him. I kept him within the boundaries of family life. And thereby saving lives. Your life. The life of society comes from him!...
It's not scary that I'm abandoned. Not scary. It's scary that he's free!
What is she talking about?
- He's hiding the Baron.
- And what does he say?
- It’s clear that he’s a scoundrel, he says. He's crazy, he's an unfortunate liar.
- And what does he want?
- It’s clear why, so as not to quit.
- Logical.
There are couples made for love. We were created for divorce.
Jacobina has not loved me since childhood and, to give her credit, she managed to evoke reciprocal feelings in me.
In church, when the priest asked whether we wanted to become husband and wife, we unanimously answered “no,” and we were immediately married.
After the wedding, my wife and I left for our honeymoon.
I went to Turkey, she went to Switzerland, and for three years they lived there in love and harmony.
Great God, make sure everything goes well.
Help us, Lord. We love each other so much.
And don't be angry with Karl, Lord.
He is impudent, he is often ready to argue with you, but, Lord, you are older, you are wiser.
You must give in. Give in, Lord.
You've already endured so much. Well, be patient a little longer.
Baron, you are a reasonable person. I have always treated you with sympathy.
I respected your way of thinking. Loose shoulder line, tapered trousers.
We have too many of them, these obstacles. They are beyond my strength. Lord, why didn’t you marry Joan of Arc? She agreed.
- I knew that I would meet Martha.
And let the monument that we erect in his honor become a symbol...
- The symbol is sluggish.
- Okay, let it become more than just a symbol.
- Better.
- Let it become not only a symbol of the city’s selfless love for its citizen...
- It’s better to say: “To your great son.”
- Better. Let it become a source of courage, courage, a spring of life-giving optimism that will never stop flowing...
- Better to say flow.
- But the spring, it flows.
- Sometimes it hits, and sometimes it flows. In this case, it is better for it to flow.
What time is it, Thomas?
- The clock struck 3, the baron fell at 2, so it was only an hour.
- Why are you talking? You have to add 3 plus 2.
- Previously it was necessary to add, but now it’s better to subtract.
The only pity is that it’s only one half. What if you are not afraid and...
- Eliminate.
- Or bring it closer?
- Connect.
- Well... This is even funnier.
- Much. And water will immediately flow.
-Where are we going to get the water from? From what place?
- We won’t pour water out of Munchausen, gentlemen. No need.
- He is as dear to us as Munchausen. Like Karl Friedrich Hieronymus.
- And whether his horse drinks or doesn’t drink is not of concern to us.
- Not in the desert.
Are you all joking?
- I quit a long time ago. Doctors forbid it.
- Since when did you start going to doctors?
- Immediately after death.
Good boy?
- 12 kilograms.
- Running?
- For what? Walking.
- Chatting?
- Silent.
- Smart boy, he will go far.
Tomorrow is the anniversary of your death. Do you want to ruin our holiday?
Let's talk another time.
- Fine. Today at midnight at the monument.
- At the monument. To whom?
- To me.
Mister Burgomaster! His Highness the Duke missed again! For the fourth time we drive this pig past His Highness, and His Highness, excuse the expression, smears and smears. Will you order us to drive away for the fifth time?
- No. Inconvenient. He already remembered his face.
- Who will win?
- Duke of the Boar.
No, well, we're done, huh? We've done it! We steal bears from the gypsies! But they were, were... Literally the homeland of bears.
Martha left me.
- She's gone crazy. Ungrateful, rubbish. Cook. She thinks it's easy to be the lover of such a man. Scoundrel. We'll get her back.
- It's not scary. Really. We'll persuade her.
No, you don't know her well. To get her back, you have to get yourself back.
Here are the facts: an extract from the church register, a certificate of death of the baron, a receipt for the coffin.
It would seem that there is more than enough evidence.
However, the defendant continues to persist!
Taking advantage of his external resemblance to the late baron, insidiously taking possession of his gait, voice and even fingerprints, the defendant naively hopes to deceive us and force us to recognize our dear baron, whom we solemnly celebrated three years ago!
Frau Martha, Frau Martha! Frau Martha, we are in trouble, the baron has risen.
There will be trouble, Frau Martha.
If a person wants to tell the truth, he has the right to do so. I would just like to know what truth you mean?
- There is only one truth!
- There is no truth at all.
- Yes. Truth is what is currently believed to be true.
God! Do you really have to kill a person to understand that he is alive!
- Well said. Very. But we have no choice.
Mister Pastor, Mister Pastor!
- Well?
- Ask to be let through!
- I packed him some things for the trip. Still, the path is not close.
- Do you really think that he will make it?
- To the moon? Certainly.
- You can’t even see her.
- When you can see it, the fool will fly. The Baron likes it to be more difficult.
Amazing.
- What, your highness?
- I say, it’s amazing how our people harmonize with nature.
- ABOUT! I'll remember this.
- You write it down.
Well, won’t there be anything unnecessary?
- What are you saying, Your Highness? Everything will go according to plan. After the overture - interrogations. Then - the last word of the defendant, volleys, general fun, dancing.
Why can't you hear? I don't understand what they are talking about.
- Your Highness, the defendant thanks the city authorities and seems to be joking with his beloved.
- Fine. Especially the lace collar and front dart really suit him. And in general, he looks like a deceased person.
Well... Let's confess.
- I did this all my life, but no one believed me.
- Please, ease your soul.
- It happened naturally, pastor. I had a friend. He betrayed me. I had a favorite. She renounced. I'm flying light.
Rough. How we still love... Always would... This is not the main thing.
They put raw gunpowder, Karl! They want to stop you, Karl!
- Here. Thank you. Thank you, Martha. Let them envy! Who else has such a woman?
My God. The pharmacist's daughter is the pharmacist's daughter.
Where is the commander?
- Commands.
I don't understand anything anymore. So is it him or not?
-Can’t wait 2 minutes?
Well, here's the thing, we were all probably wrong about something...
- Gentlemen, the decision of the Hanoverian court in connection with the successful completion of the experiment...
- Since everything has turned out this way, let it go as it goes...
- It is ordered, by the highest command it is ordered to consider the defendant Baron Munchausen!
- And here some people began to allow themselves to sew on patch pockets and tighten sleeves - we will not allow this.
Heartiest congratulations!
- But with what?!
- Happy return from the Moon!
- Not true! This time I wasn't on the moon!
- How was it not, when there is already a decision that there was?
Join us quietly...
- Join us, Baron. Join us.
Yes, understand!
Baron Munchausen is famous not for the fact that he flew or did not fly.
And the fact that he doesn’t lie.
Thomas, go home! Prepare dinner! When I return, let it be 6 o'clock!
- 6 pm or 6 am?
- 6 days.
I understand what your problem is. You are too serious. An intelligent face is not yet a sign of intelligence, gentlemen. All stupid things on earth are done with this facial expression. Smile, gentlemen, smile.
Great and wise, brave and loving, brave and romantic. The one who instills freedom, love for
life, confidence in your own path. So easy and difficult at the same time! “Smile, Lord, smile!”
Below are quotes from movie "That Munchausen!", in which Oleg Yankovsky, in my opinion, introduced the Baron to us in an indescribable way.
- - Truth is what is considered true at the moment...
- - So you say - hunting...
- I speak?
- Well, okay, don’t talk, you’re thinking. - -Are you saying that a person can lift himself up by his hair?
- Necessarily! A thinking person is simply obliged to do this from time to time. - - Mister Baron has been waiting for you for a long time. He has been working in his office since the morning, locked himself and asks: “Thomas,” he says, “hasn’t Mr. Pastor arrived yet?” I say: “Not yet.” He says: “Well, thank God.” It's waiting for you.
- - And when the bear rushed at him, Mister Baron grabbed him by the front paws and held him until he died.
- Why did he die?
- From hunger. The bear, as you know, feeds by sucking its paw, and since Mister Baron deprived him of this opportunity...
- And what, do you believe in all this?
- Certainly. You saw for yourself how thin he is.
- Who?
- Bear.
- What bear?
- The one you saw. - - Frau Martha, I didn’t hear: what time is it?
- The clock struck 3, the baron struck 2, so it was only 5. - Are you waiting for me, darling? Sorry, I was delayed by Newton.
- We'll shoot through the chimney.
- - Got it. Duck! With apples. It looks like it's cooked well.
“It seems like she doused herself with sauce on the way.”
- Yes? How sweet of her! - - She ran away from me two years ago.
- To tell the truth, Baron, I would do the same in her place.
“That’s why I’m not marrying you, but Martha.” - - Unfortunately, if your wife is alive, you cannot marry again.
- When alive? Are you proposing to kill her?
- God forbid you, Baron! - - But you allow kings to get divorced.
- Well, for kings in special cases, as an exception, when it is necessary, say, for procreation.
- To procreate, something completely different is needed. - - The Church should bless love!
- Legal!
- All love is legal if it is love!
- It's just your opinion!
- What do you recommend?
- There is nothing to advise here: live as you lived. Only according to civil and church laws, your wife will still be considered the wife who is no longer your wife! - - They told me he’s a smart man.
- Well, you never know what they talk about a person! - - Well, I can’t change because of every idiot!
- - Be like everyone else, Karl! I'm begging!
- As everybody? What are you saying? Like everyone else... Don't fly on cannonballs, don't hunt mammoths, don't correspond with Shakespeare... - -What are you yelling at night?
- Is it night?
- Night.
- And how long?
- Since the evening. - - I wanted to say, the duck is ready.
Let her go. Let it fly.
- - Do you want to hang this daub in the house?
- Why does she bother you?
- She makes me angry! Chop her into pieces!
- Don't you dare! He claims it's by Rembrandt
- Whom?
- Rembrandt
- Lies
- Of course it’s a lie, but the auctioneers are offering six thousand for it.
- Six? So sell it
- To sell means to admit that it is true. - - Challenge your father to a duel.
- Never!
- But why?
- Firstly, he will kill me, and secondly...
- And the first one is enough. - - I’m already 19 years old, and I’m just a cornet! And no prospects! They didn’t even allow me to attend the maneuvers!
- Manyo-evry!
- They weren’t allowed to attend the maneuvers! The colonel said that he generally refused to accept reports from Baron Munchausen. - - Baroness, how does this Amazon costume suit you! Ramkopf, you are charming as always! How are you, cornet? I see it's good!
- Judging by the abundance of compliments, you have bad news again. - - The man destroyed the family, kicked his wife and child out of the house!
- What a child! I'm an officer!
- Kicked out his wife and the officer! - If you have a mistress, good luck! Nowadays everyone has mistresses. But we can’t allow them to marry. It is immoral!
- - But is this a fact?
- No, this is not a fact.
- This is not a fact?!
- No, this is not a fact. This is much more than a fact. That's how it really was. - Being somewhat nervously overexcited, the Duke suddenly grabbed and signed several petitions for divorce with the words: “Freedom, everyone free!”
- - So, we've finished the game. Duel! Mr. Ramkopf, you are an old friend of our family, you do a lot for us. Do one more thing.
- No, no, no, no, no!
- Be my second.
- Never!
- But why?
- Firstly, he will kill the second too...
- Yes.
- Murderer! - - Your Highness, maybe it’s all about our left wing? It's unreliable.
- The center worries me too...
- Maybe it’s still worth raising the top from above and lowering the bottom from below in this case?
- Let's do it! Two rows of darts on the left, two on the right. The whole solution is in the waist! Where do you think we will make the waist? At chest level!
- Brilliant! Brilliant, like everything true.
- Exactly at chest level. Sixty six. I will not allow the waistline to be lowered onto the hips. One hundred fifty five. In the end, we are the center of Europe, I will not allow any Spaniards there to dictate terms to us. If you want a cut-off sleeve, please. If you want a pleated skirt with darts, I accept that too. But I won’t let you lower your waistline! - - Wake up at 6 o'clock in the morning!!
- Not punishable. - - from 8 to 10 - a feat.
- what does it mean?
- This means that from 8 to 10 in the morning he has a feat planned. Well, what can you say, Mr. Burgomaster, about a man who every day goes to a heroic deed, as if to serve?
- I serve myself, madam. Every day at nine in the morning I have to go to my magistrate. I won’t say that this is a feat, but in general there is something heroic in it. - Lord, why didn’t England please him?!
- War is not poker! You can’t announce it whenever you want! War is... war!
- - Do we leave the breasts in place?
- No, we’ll take it with us! - -Where is my military uniform?
- Please, Your Highness, please!
- What?? Me - in this? Single breasted? What are you talking about? Don’t you know that no one fights in single-breasted clothes anymore? Ugliness! War is at our doorstep, but we are not ready! No, we are not ready for war! - - Gentlemen, officers, let's synchronize our watches! How many now?
- 15:00!
- 15 and a quarter!
- Or more precisely?
- Plus 22! - - Baron Karl Friedrich Hieronymus von Munchausen! You have been ordered to be arrested. In case of resistance, it is ordered to use force.
- To whom?
- What to whom?
- Who should use force in case of resistance, you or me?
- Didn't understand…
- So, maybe we should send a messenger to ask again?
- This is impossible.
- Right. We will both carry out the order. Logical?
- Uh-uh...
- And this is good. One minute. So it's done something like this. Step aside, gentlemen! You will leave altogether. And, of course, dancing! Still a tavern. - It's okay, Your Highness. Baron Munchausen will be arrested any minute. He asked me to tell you not to disperse.
- - He once went into the forest without a gun.
- In what sense without a gun?
- Well, I mean like a bear.
- Not a bear, but a mammoth. But he fired from a gun.
- From a gun?
- Yes. Cherry pit.
- Cherries!
- Firstly, he shot not with cherries, but with currants. When they flew over his house.
- The Bears?
- Well, not mammoths!
- Why then did all this grow on the deer? - - What is this?
- Arrested.
- Why with an orchestra?
- Your Highness, first there were celebrations planned. Then the arrests. Then they decided to combine.
-Where is our guard? Where is the guard?
- Obviously, he is outflanking.
- Whom?
- Everyone! - - Your Highness, don’t go against your conscience. I know you are a noble man and at heart you are also against England.
- Yes, in my heart I’m against it. Yes, I don't like her. But I sit and keep quiet! - - No, this is not a duke, this is a rag!
- Madam, what do you want from him? England has surrendered! - - Why does the war continue? Don’t they read your newspapers?
- I remembered! He actually shot a deer! But through the chimney! - - Have you forgotten that the divorce proceedings will begin in half an hour?
- It started a long time ago. Since I saw you. - Divorce is disgusting not only because it separates spouses, but also because it calls the man free and the woman abandoned.
- -What is she talking about?
- He's hiding the Baron.
- And what does he say?
- It’s clear that: “a scoundrel,” he says, “a crazy person, an unfortunate liar”...
- And what does he want?
- It’s clear what: don’t quit.
- Logical. - - Karl, why is it so late?
- In my opinion, it’s too early: not all nonsense has been said yet. - - How is it possible: everything was fine for 20 years, and suddenly such a tragedy.
- Sorry, Mr. Judge, the tragedy lasted 20 years, and only now everything should be fine. It was a difficult 20 years, but I don’t regret it! - There are couples created for love, but we were created for divorce.
- Jacobina has not loved me since childhood and, to give her credit, she managed to evoke reciprocal feelings in me. In church, when the priest asked if we wanted to become husband and wife, we unanimously answered: “No!” - and we were immediately married. After the wedding, my wife and I went on a honeymoon: I went to Turkey, she went to Switzerland. And for three years they lived there in love and harmony.
- I protest! You insult my client!
- The truth cannot offend, dear lawyer! - It only takes a minute to fall in love. To get a divorce, sometimes you have to live together for 20 years.
- At one time, Socrates once told me: “Be sure to get married. If you get a good wife, you will become happy; if you get a bad wife, you will become a philosopher.” I don't know which is better.
- And long live divorce, gentlemen! It eliminates the lies that I hate so much!
- Give in, Lord! You have already endured so much... well, endure a little more!
- Thomas, are you happy that we have May 32?
- Actually, not very much, Mister Baron. On the first of June my salary is paid. - -Are you happy about the new day?
- It depends on what it falls on. If it's on Sunday, then it's a shame. And if it’s on Monday, why do we need two Mondays? - Lord, why didn't you marry Joan of Arc? She agreed.
- - But I told the truth!
- To hell with the truth! Sometimes you need to lie. You see, lie! Lord, I have to explain such obvious things to Baron Munchausen! - - Well that's just wonderful! And don’t be so tragic, my dear. Look at this with your usual humor... With humor!.. In the end, Galileo also renounced us.
- That’s why I always loved Giordano Bruno more... - - Don't complicate things, Baron. Secretly you may believe.
- I don't know how to secretly. I can only openly. - Since no one needs an extra day of spring, let’s forget about it. On such a day it is difficult to live, but easy to die.
- I wasn't afraid to seem funny. Not everyone can afford this.
- - What if you’re not afraid and...
- Eliminate! Or... bring it closer?
- Connect! - We won’t pour water out of Munchausen, gentlemen! No need. He is dear to us simply like Munchausen... like Carl Friedrich Hieronymus... and whether his horse drinks or doesn’t drink is not of concern to us.
- I'm scared to remember. I dreamed of a duel with my father. I wanted to kill him... We all killed him... Murderers!!!
- - How much for carnations?
- Two thalers each!
- How about two thalers? They're sluggish!
- Sluggish. Ha ha ha! Our baron, while he was alive, was also cheaply valued. And withered - he became dear to everyone! - - In Germany, having the surname Müller is the same as not having any.
- You're kidding...
- I quit a long time ago. Doctors forbid it.
- Since when did you start going to doctors?
- Immediately after death. - - They say that humor is useful. The joke is that it prolongs life.
- Not everyone. The one who laughs prolongs it, and the one who jokes shortens it. - - Good boy?
- 12 kilograms.
- Running?
- For what? Walking.
- Chatting?
- Silent.
- Smart boy, he will go far. - My funeral alone gave me more money than my entire previous life.
- Tomorrow is the anniversary of your death. Do you want to ruin our holiday?
- - Today at midnight at the monument.
- At the monument. To whom?
- To me. - - You died!
- Died! - - For the fourth time we drive this pig past His Highness, and His Highness, excuse the expression, smears and smears! Will you order us to drive away for the fifth time?
- No! Inconvenient. He already remembered his face.
- Who will win?
- Duke of the Boar! - Do what you want, but in half an hour the forest will be dry, light and bear-free!
- - By the way, Baron, I’ve been wanting to ask you for a long time: where did you actually get the bears?
- I don’t remember anymore. In my opinion, in the forest.
- No, this is impossible. We haven't had them for a long time. - So, gentlemen, I invited you to tell you the most unpleasant news. Damn, that's a great line to start a play. I'll have to suggest it to someone.
- - These are not my adventures, this is not my life. She is smoothed, combed, powdered and neutered!
- Ordinary editorial edits.
- Dear Jacobina, you know me: when they cut me, I tolerate it, but when they complement me, it becomes unbearable. - - And you have changed a lot during this time, Mr. Burgomaster.
- And you didn’t do it in vain. - Frau Martha, we have a problem: the Baron has risen! There will be trouble!
- I hate it! All! Duel! Shoot here! Through a scarf!
- I'm on duty. If they decide that you are Munchausen, I will fall on your chest. If they decide that you are Mueller, I will put you behind bars. That's all I can do for you.
- Lord, do you really have to kill a person to understand that he is alive?!
- And my advice to you: don’t rush to become Munchausen’s widow. This place is currently occupied.
- - You are facing prison.
- Wonderful place! Here next to me is Ovid, Cervantes... We will knock. - - Do you really think that he will make it?
- To the moon, of course!
- You can’t even see her.
- When you can see it, the fool will fly. The Baron likes it to be more difficult. - - Well, let's confess.
- I've been doing this all my life. But no one believed me.
- Please, ease your soul.
- It happened naturally, pastor. I had a friend - he betrayed me. I had a loved one - she renounced. I'm flying light. - - Well, say something goodbye!
- What to say?
- Think about it. There is always something important for such a moment.
- I... I will wait for you!
- Not that!
- I... I love you very much!
- Not that!
- I will be faithful to you!
- No need!
- They put raw gunpowder, Karl! They want to stop you!
- Here. - The pharmacist's daughter is the pharmacist's daughter!
- Now I’m flying away, and we’re unlikely to see each other. But when I return, next time, you will no longer be there. The fact is that time flies differently in heaven and on earth: there are moments, here there are centuries.
- Lord, I'm so tired of dying!
- -Where is the commander?
- Commands! - Join us, Mr. Baron. Join us.
- But understand, Baron Munchausen is famous not for the fact that he flew or did not fly, but for the fact that he does not lie.
- - When I return, let it be six o'clock.
- Six in the evening or six in the morning?
- Six days! - I understand what your problem is: you are too serious. An intelligent face is not a sign of intelligence, gentlemen. All stupid things on earth are done with this facial expression. Smile, gentlemen. Smile!
- It cannot be that one smart person does not understand another...