It has long been catchphrase Pushkin: “What smaller woman we love, the easier it is for her to like us.” Indeed, we are often drawn to those who treat us with indifference or disdain. True, women deliberately use such tactics more often, say psychologists from the University of Western Sydney and the Singapore Management University.

Most people don't value what they get without effort. Therefore, if we immediately open our arms to meet a person, he may quickly lose interest in us. On the contrary, if we are capricious, our partner gets hooked. After all, the one who reciprocates the feelings of the first person he meets, apparently, does not have too much choice. And the lack of interest indicates that there is a choice, and in order to be “the one, the only one,” you will have to tinker quite a bit... And to conquer Snow Queen much more interesting than Cinderella...

The study, which involved over one and a half thousand people, analyzed various flirting and courtship strategies used by both sexes. It turned out that the participants used as many as 58 thoughtful tactics related to ostentatious indifference towards a potential partner, and they were used more often by the fair sex.

The most popular methods of winning over a partner were considered to be demonstrating increased self-esteem, flirting with other members of the opposite sex in the process of flirting, and refusing sex.

Who and how practices indifference to attract

It was also noted that women are much more likely than men to use tools such as sarcasm in conversation, more often refer to being busy, and also tend to tease men, disrupt dates and turn on the answering machine when their chosen one is supposed to call, even if they are at home .

Of course, there are also men who practice such methods of flirting. They can demonstrate rudeness or a dismissive attitude to the point of insult when communicating with ladies. Many representatives of the stronger sex also admitted that they sometimes avoid calling their girlfriends or answering their calls, although they would never admit this to the ladies of their hearts in personal communication.

Experts believe that some of the gender bias in the use of “disregard” tactics is associated with differences in the biological roles of men and women. Since a casual relationship can lead to pregnancy, a woman, before entering into a close relationship, seeks to test the strength of her partner’s feelings, otherwise she will have to raise future offspring alone.

But if a man does such checks for lice, he risks being left without a partner - seeing a cold or negative attitude towards himself, the lady will sooner or later simply wave her hand at him... The classic type of intersexual behavior is a touchy girl and a gentleman who seeks to conquer her.

True, if a lady behaves too unapproachable, she risks attracting the attention of a man for whom “taking strongholds” is just a game, psychologists say. As soon as he achieves his goal, he will immediately lose interest in this person. So be careful not to overdo it!

These men- they themselves don’t know what they want. Either they achieve it, or they are cold as ice. Sometimes they strew the threshold with flowers, but sometimes you can’t reach them by phone. They run after you for weeks, but as soon as you take one step towards them, they are already running away from you. And while running they shout to everyone about how unpredictable women are, what crooked logic they have. And how offensive it can be when the intentions of the man you like remain unclear, and you can’t attract his attention. What to do in this case? Well, in the arsenal of women's tricks there are a couple of instructions on this matter.

The first thing to follow understand- Under no circumstances should you force your attention on a man. They don't work like that. Any obsessive attention begins to cause in them almost panic fear of the woman from whom this attention comes. This probably happens simply because, evolutionarily, men have been given the role of conquerors; they are the ones who must win a woman’s heart, and not vice versa. And the non-standard behavior of a woman who decided that in our enlightened age it is time to move away from stupid stereotypes, scares a man and forces him to hastily retreat.

Therefore, even if you already undertook several attempts to show attention, they must be stopped immediately. A woman’s strategy is only successful when it consists not in seeking a man’s attention herself, but in forcing him to seek yours. Of course, this is not an easy task. But the world is unfair, and only a man in this world has the opportunity to simply choose an object for adoration and begin action. Women have to be smarter.

First, you need to study your " enemy", find out about his weaknesses. Perhaps you have access to some kind of “language”, which, out of female solidarity, will give you information about the object. Everything is important - from habits and taste preferences to personal information. Everything you can get: loves he wears brunettes, or blondes, dresses, or women dressed like a business lady, where he often goes, where he can be found relaxing in good mood, and so on.

But, even if you don’t manage to get hold of a reliable information about his tastes, it will still be necessary to change his image great idea. Men react very strongly to external changes in a woman, they force them to look at you as completely different, whom they have never met before. This is a great opportunity to attract attention. The change in image should be noticeable (not only to you and your girlfriends), it should be a changed hair color, hairstyle, clothing style. You can do it all at once. But, of course, there is no need to go to extremes. If you meet him in Once again, bald, wearing a leather jacket and on a motorcycle, then, of course, you will attract attention. But the chances of a relationship will probably change in completely unpredictable ways.

If a simple change doesn't help image, and you still don’t notice his interested glances, even if you are already in the same company, then things are bad. But it is not yet time to lower the flags and capitulate. First, it could be a clever ploy. Men very often use feigned indifference, especially if they see that you are interested in their person, in order to exhaust and harass a woman, and then take her, so to speak, lukewarm, giving her the long-awaited attention when she has completely despaired of getting it. Secondly, on attracting attention appearance, women's "things" are not over yet.

If you can't call positive reaction- cause a negative one. This is not an obvious move, but it often helps out in situations that seem completely hopeless. The strategy is not that complicated. It is known that “from love to hate there is one step.” Great, then, if we fail to evoke love in him, then we will arouse hatred, and then we will take this very “step”.

Negative emotions call much easier than positive ones. Men love it so much when they look into their mouths, laugh at their jokes and admire their intelligence that for them a natural knockout is usually the scenario when a woman begins to ridicule their intellectual abilities, question their achievements, and generally express their disdain.

But remember, with yours sides These should not be humiliating rudeness or manifestations of hatred - under no circumstances. It must be an arrogant mockery. It’s curious, but in reality, even the most ordinary pug can provoke a reaction from the largest elephant with its mocking bark. And the elephant cannot resist, it will begin to get angry and stomp its big feet on the ground, waving its ears.

Make fun of almost everything he says, and you must do this without fail. in public, make sarcastic remarks and remarks, but make sure that they are all good-natured, since anger is a sign of weakness. Well, don't overdo it. When his “loving” gaze is fixed on you, make sure that his eyes are not too red.

Personal communication" Tet-a-tet"must be avoided at all costs. Such a cold war should last about a week. If your meetings are periodic, then this interval can be doubled, but no more. You cannot delay it, because in this case the understanding may simply take root in his head that you are - "enemy", and then it will be difficult to change this attitude.

Curious, but aggression and sexual feelings towards a woman are somewhere nearby in a man’s head. Maybe that’s why they always have “one step from love to hate,” or maybe a man takes the very fact of owning a woman as proof of his victory, so be it. It is important that he will join your game, which means he will play by your rules.

After the agreed time, you can go to offensive. Seize the moment and be alone with him. And here, even if he decides to go on the attack himself, you need to gently accept his barbs and attacks. It is charming to smile, to make it clear that you are not going to attack. You need to convince him that this is not another trick of yours, but that you are simply not in the mood to be hostile, and you don’t treat him that badly at all, you’re just teasing him, for fun. Frankness won't hurt. The most better relationship between two enemies there is always a moment of reconciliation. So, Lately You kept all his attention on yourself, and now he also looks at you with warmth and affection. It's just a matter of little things: to seduce, to fall in love, to drag into your net. But that is another story.

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Technique 1. Ostensible indifference

Technique 1. Ostensible indifference

One of the favorite techniques of ladies' men and femme fatales. The manipulator shows the object that he is not interested in him at all. Exactly – it shows! Because true indifference is usually hidden under the guise of politeness and even mild interest. The manipulator, while performing the technique, literally burns his object with cold. This technique can manifest itself in the fact that the manipulator does not answer the object’s questions (pretends that he did not hear), does not react to his presence, and does not look in his direction. But all the time is located next to the object.

This technique has a very strong effect on vain and selfish people. For example, a woman who considers herself an irresistible beauty will, of course, be offended by such ostentatious disregard. And, of course, he will try to attract the attention of the manipulator. And it is quite possible that she will fall in love with him without memory.

In the same way, women are capable of ostentatious indifference to kindle passion in men who are prone to exaggerating their masculine qualities.

This technique can be aimed at satisfying two basic needs - sexual desire and the need for recognition. Moreover, the second is used much less frequently. Thus, parents deliberately do not notice their children’s successes so that they try even harder. And managers ignore the zeal of their subordinates in order to encourage them to literally “go out of their way.”

Can this manipulation be used for good purposes?

This manipulation is almost impossible to use for good purposes.

If you want to use this technique specifically to address someone's need for recognition, be extremely careful. After all failure to notice Other people's successes can lead to the fact that a person falls into despair and stops trying altogether. Or he will decide that you are an insensitive blockhead and will stop paying any attention to you. With this technique, the need for recognition can only be affected by those people whose opinion is significant for the object (parents, bosses). Therefore, ostentatious indifference is most often aimed specifically at the sexual instinct.

How to protect yourself from manipulation

To counteract this technique, you must first detect it. If you notice that someone is not paying attention to you, ask yourself: why did I notice this? Observe this person: perhaps he is deliberately ignoring you. If so, rest assured: you are dealing with a manipulator.

In this case, you have two options. Firstly, you can ask directly what he needs from you. Secondly, you can use the same technique against him. Turn away from him. Don't listen to questions. Don't make eye contact. Don't notice him. In each of these cases, the reaction will be the same: the manipulator will become embarrassed, lose his temper, and lose his balance. He will realize that his plan did not work and will stop the manipulation.