Question:
Svetlana, Hello!
Svetlana, my father claims that when a man (husband) cheats on his wife, he has mistresses -- then in 90% of cases, he does not love these women. Only that small remaining percentage who, while cheating, love - then they leave their wives. And if a woman cheats, then most often she leaves immediately.
This is a man's opinion. That is, my father.
What do you think about this? I was actually terribly upset.
After all, it turns out that a man (husband) always uses his mistresses sexually and that’s it.
And women fall in love like fools.
I completed all 3 of your courses, but I can’t find the answer to this question.
I will be looking forward to your response!
Have a great day!
Best regards, Oksana
Answer:
Oksana, hello.
I did not conduct statistical surveys. I only have own experience and knowledge. Therefore, I will answer you from this position.
My experience says that a husband almost never leaves his wife. If she decided to leave him, then he can’t do anything about it.
Of course, there are situations when a man does not want to say goodbye to his woman. And then he does everything possible (most often these are just promises) that everything will change, everything will get better. He will behave differently.
And it’s very sad when a woman believes him. Because in the end everything returns to normal. After a short time (it’s good if he endures it for two months), the man begins to feel how cramped he is within those limits. In which he stuffed himself “because of her.”
And he begins to gradually regain his position.
When your dad says: " Only that small remaining percentage who, while cheating, love—then they leave their wives.” He talks about in general to a man. which needs whole woman. With whom you can build a deep relationship.
I mean internal integrity. When a couple doesn't need constant third. Indeed, in this situation the conflict is not resolved, but simply kept silent. Both partners turn a blind eye to him.
I draw your attention once again. A woman’s internal position is important. It is she who chooses who should be with her and how she should live. Even if it seems to her that she has no choice, she still chooses.
Don't forget that only 3% of people own 90% of all money. These 3% of people know the secret of success. And it consists in the fact that they have an internal position. Which remains the same under any circumstances, with any people.
This position reads: “I CHOICE in favor of such life."
We all make choices unconsciously. And these 3% make this choice consciously. Looking for tools. They try them in practice. They are disappointed. Looking for new tools. They are disappointed again. And they are looking again. Eventually they gain experience. And they gain the skill of a successful life.
And we admire these people. And we envy them. Ignoring all the path they've come. Because we ourselves do not want to experience pain and disappointment. Although we often find ourselves in them.
With all my heart I recommend that you take the position: “In my life there will be that man who wants to be only with me. I will love him. And he will love me. I simply will not let anything less into my life.”
Take this position right now. And then dad’s attitude will no longer be important.
With faith in your happiness, Svetlana Morozova, psychologist
“I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for the course “Mistress!” Become a Wife!"
I bought it last year for my sister. She is unmarried and 42 years old. And I didn’t think at all that he would help me in My life. No, I did not doubt its effectiveness. I was just counting on the effect for my sister.
I would like to briefly tell you about myself: I am married with two children - a daughter and a son. My husband and I have been living for 19 years. The times of quarrels and grinding have passed, everything has become good. Okay, but no fire in the relationship. And after your course, our relationship with my Husband became deeper. I just listened and listened to you free time. And imperceptibly she began to change, and My husband also became different... Better!)))) I realized that the reason was in my views and beliefs, and in my behavior too. I have so many thoughts in my head.
I would probably be happy to tell you about this orally. It's a pity that Alma-Ata is not nearby))).
Another very important detail: You are talking about becoming whole. I didn't quite understand what this meant. It’s just that in 2007 I met a Man who really attracted me. He came to my work with documents.
I still remember how long he could not leave. Later he said that he fell in love with me at first sight. He is married. We just talked in m-agent, in classmates. Then they started dating... I was very drawn to him, he was drawn to me... I understood that I had to stop, but I couldn’t. Communication with him was like a breath of fresh air. I felt a surge of strength, mood and life was in full swing again.
At that time, I came across an article by a psychologist named Tolstoy. She wrote that in a relationship love triangle You must always ask yourself the question: What does this relationship give you? If you bloom and smell, then it is worth continuing this relationship, but if you are nervous, feel unimportant, insecure, then it is better to end such a relationship. She wrote about the law of the love triangle. About how one corner prospers at the expense of another corner. Either this is a Mistress or a Wife.
I felt at that time that this connection was helping me live. But time passed and I began to feel that every time I met him, it was as if I was stepping over myself. I began to feel a sense of guilt towards my family. My husband treats me well, I feel his love. Everything just became different with that Man. I won't say that he is better. He's different. And we had a desire to live together. Each of us understood that it was impossible to do this painlessly for our loved ones.
So, after listening to your course, your mailings, and answers, I began to feel how much I was split into two parts. With a Husband - I am a Wife. And with a lover - I am a Mistress!
And when this consciousness came to me, I was able to easily end the relationship with my Man. I turned on my Wife’s energy (as you recommended) and told me about everything I was feeling now. After all, I don’t get enough from him of what I need as a wife.
Everything was resolved by itself. I made the decision to become whole, Lover and Wife with only one Man. And do it only with my Husband! That's what we both lacked. Accidents are not accidental... And this Man came into my life for a reason. It turns out he helped me find myself.
Svetlana, what a great fellow you are! You are doing such a great good deed!
A very sobering article about what a Man does with the help of his Mistress. I read it over and over again...
Once again THANK YOU for such help. It’s good that I got acquainted with your work now, and not then when I could have made a bunch of irreparable mistakes!
Svetlana, I wish you health, success, fulfillment of desires and implementation of all your projects!!!"
“I love my wife... And I love my mistress... What should I do?” This kind of disposition occurs to me from time to time in my work.
I decided to make a note about this. Without the goal of correcting anyone, just for information.
Despite the name and the disposition outlined above, the note is equally suitable for both men and women. The situation when one person loves two people at once - it occurs in both men and women.
Let's start by finding out the main thing - is it possible to love two people at once?
The answer, as usual, depends on the semantic content of the verb “to love.” If you think that “to love” means “to experience a feeling of warm affection,” then you can. Even three people can become warmly attached to them. Even to four. Why, there are people who can become warmly attached to hundreds of individuals at once.
It’s another matter if we say “love”, but hear “show mutual active care” or “demonstrate dopaminergic goal-setting motivation to form and maintain stable pair bonds” (who said that Zygmantovich writes too primitive notes? Try to chew this definition!) .
With such meanings, it is impossible to love two. Because if you care, you will not hurt your wife by showing such care to another woman. And if you strive to form stable pair bonds, then you will not form these bonds with someone else other than your husband (because then the connection with him will be unstable).
It turns out that loving two people at once is impossible (if, of course, you use adequate definitions of love).
But there are situations when a man seems to love his wife - and then immediately loves his mistress! And there are situations when a woman loves her husband and immediately loves her lover. How so?
There are, I think, three explanations for this.
First(very simple). In the cases described, the verb “to love” is simply used incorrectly (incorrectly). For example, a woman loves her lover, but lives with her husband simply because, for example, there is nowhere else to live (or for some similar near-rational reason - children, mortgage, social pressure). This explanation is obvious, so we won’t dwell on it for long.
Second explanation (more complicated). By and large, this is a variation of the first one, but it is very bright - it can be distinguished separately. We are talking about a situation where a person also incorrectly uses the verb “to love.” With this verb he refers to his dependence on some manifestations of another person. I wrote more about this in the article “Why did I leave my family? I don’t know...” (the link to it is at the end of the text), so I won’t repeat it.
Third explanation (the biggest one). You cannot love two people at once, but you can be in a state of choice - who exactly to love. Now I’ll tell you more.
How does a mistress or lover appear? Almost always - against the background of weakening feelings for a partner. Why such weakening occurs is not the topic of this note, as well as the issue of refreshing feelings (there is a separate webinar about this, the link to it will be below).
Now we are interested in something else - the development pattern of the “I love them both” situation.
So, the feelings weakened, a lover/mistress appeared. The affair on the side is developing, it seems to everyone that the situation is obvious, everyone understands where it is going... But then, as a rule, the unexpected happens.
Namely: in a strange way, relationships with your spouse improve.
How this happens is a separate big conversation. There is a contribution here from hormones, purely psychological mechanisms (for example, pressure from a lover), and variables unknown to science (not yet known).
The main thing is that the trend is noticeable - often after the appearance of a lover/mistress, the relationship in a husband-wife pair improves ( knowledgeable people they will immediately remember the special term “triangulation”).
And in this situation, a person finds himself in a state of choice - with whom to stay. It is this state that is called “loving two.” Yes, I insist (or am I not the most categorical psychologist in the world?). It is the state of choice between two men that is called “I love both,” and it is the state of choice between two women that is called “I love both.”
There is no love as such yet/no longer here. It will appear later - when a person makes his choice.
So, it turns out that the main question is to make a choice. But you need to decide whether some of the relationships need to end, otherwise the body simply won’t stand it. Unfinished relationships are like a thorn. They constantly interfere and strive to turn into an abscess and blood poisoning.
Relationships must be ended, this is an axiom.
How exactly do you choose who to end a relationship with? I won’t give any advice here—it’s none of my business. But how to end a relationship is up to me, I can do it.
This is not so much about ending a relationship that is still alive, but about ending a relationship that apparently ended several years ago. Well, you know how it happens - people continue to live in hope of a return, in new relationships they behave as in the old ones, they constantly compare the new potential partner and the old one... There is no benefit from this, only harm. You need to understand that in order to start a new relationship, you need to end the old one.
I have collected all the most effective psychological ways to end an old relationship in one audio training "Leaving the Past".
- Why didn't the relationship end even though you already broke up?
- Four Powerful Ways to End an Old Relationship
- How to reduce the pain of separation.
- Hooks that catch us.
- How not to howl from loneliness.
- What to do if you have children.
- The key secret to happiness.
- Why you shouldn't part ways as friends.
- What to do if your ex doesn't keep up.
- The main mistakes of relationships with exes
This (and, as usual, many other things) audio training is filled to capacity.
What does the audio recording look like?
This is a file in the format mp3, V good quality, lasting almost three hours. Also included with audio training bonus— webinar recording “Starting a relationship: how to choose who to be with”.
Price?
The quality of the material in this audio training is no less than 10,000 Russian rubles(at least approximately this much can be spent if this issue is resolved in individual consultations). But I want this information to be available to people. Therefore, the cost of the training is only 2300 rubles(or the equivalent in your currency).
To purchase a recording, click on the button and follow further instructions.
That's all I have, thanks for your attention.
Every person strives in this life to love and be loved. It’s good when this desire is consolidated in marriage. Sometimes a family soon turns out to be unable to give a person what he once longed to receive. Then a person seeks outside of marriage those relationships, feelings to which the soul is so drawn.
Whether such passion will be sincere or whether it will be a mistake in life - but you won’t know without experiencing it. Some people spend many years searching for someone they want to spend their whole lives with. Some try to build the relationship of their dreams with one chosen person. Often relationships turn from romantic sublime into ordinary routine ones, the sharpness of the first touches, the first kiss is lost. A passionate desire arises to feel it again - and then the search for something else begins.
Some are looking for love, others are looking for passionate sex. But when you find an object that is interesting, from your point of view, you really want to make sure that you are experiencing mutual emotions, interest, that something real is happening between you, and not an ordinary romance, and it doesn’t matter what prospects such a connection might have. How to find out, how to understand whether the relationship between you is real, whether something will grow from this relationship, even if this relationship arose between unfree lovers.
How to check what feelings have arisen for you, and then how to believe in them? Are there instructions, rules, signs by which this can be recognized? It turns out there is.
How to understand if they love you
How to find out if your man loves you? In addition to women's intuition, which in itself is a very subtle and sensitive device, there are a lot of factors by observing which you can understand how your lover treats you.
To begin with, let's look at non-verbal signs - body gestures that speak of certain thoughts and intentions, attitudes.
Nonverbal signs
- General body position. In such cases, when a person is interested in the interlocutor, the body is tilted slightly forward, as if it is reaching out to you.
- Touch. The interlocutor constantly strives to touch the object of his sympathy, as if by accident, lightly or seriously: with his hand, shoulder, leg. From light casual touches to serious hugs.
- Sight. Peripheral vision in girls is more developed than in men, so it is easier for ladies to notice whether they are looking in the direction where she is or not. And if the object arouses interest, then he looks very often. Whether he is passing by, looking purposefully, casting a sidelong glance - one way or another, visual contact is very easy to make. A lover looks at the object of his affection twice as much as at anyone else.
- Lips. The beloved person provokes the companion to smile. It can be open and wide, or a quiet, modest half-smile, with slightly curved, raised corners of the lips. Lips are a clear indicator of the attitude towards the lady - whether the partner is laughing or sad at this time.
- Smell. Passion for love is a chemical reaction, and it is not in vain that it is said: smells play a big role in establishing contact between people. Likewise, a lover will constantly strive to catch at least a slight scent of his beloved girlfriend: inhale the aroma of hair, feel the light scent of body, perfume or natural - this is very exciting for the partner and means a lot.
- Demonstration of significance. The very tail that a peacock unfurls while courting a modest female is masculine significance, which is so important to show in front of your beloved. Impress with your strength, masculinity, ability to solve problems and much more - and win a lady’s heart with your masculinity. Show superiority over others - thereby proving your uniqueness and that you are worthy of the most beautiful.
- A lover does not seek to correct you or change you. You are already good for him, any image is accepted by him as beautiful.
- General behavior of a gentleman: gallantry, care, attention. The ability to court a lady is still valued in the world, despite the general trend towards equality in all spheres. Opening doors, bringing a bag, offering a jacket - these signs of caring have not yet become obsolete and are important for ladies.
Now let's move on to verbal manifestations - expressions of sympathy through speech, words. How can they determine the degree of interest of a partner in the object?
Verbal signs
- Avoiding direct contact. Restraint that is not entirely natural. All this looks a little deliberate, so you can notice when this happens. This is usually typical for overly serious guys who will think about their actions for a long time before committing them. Such people prefer to remain alone with themselves for as long as possible; they are laconic and reserved.
- Meetings that happen “completely by chance.” If a person is married, he will easily and variedly come up with reasons where his passion could be present. Even if it's office romance and meeting is not so difficult, anyway, these meetings are more frequent to be spontaneous and natural. He will strive to spend as much time with you as possible. And work will not become a barrier to meetings, quite the opposite. He will find time to call, and no inconvenience will prevent him from doing this - if he loves or is at least interested. For the sake of spending time with his beloved, he will sacrifice fishing, meeting with friends, and hunting.
- Unusual pronunciation of a name or inventing individual nicknames. Usually such nicknames are diminutive and represent something harmless and pleasant.
- Actively helps in all matters. Even if he cannot help himself, he attracts those acquaintances who may be useful in the situation. Moreover, this can concern any area of life, from financial to everyday life.
- He listens with interest to stories about himself, about his life, asks questions - and all this with passion and sincerity. He is really interested in the details of his beloved's life. Moreover, the gentleman himself will also tell everything about himself without concealment, and not only about work.
- Sincere feelings make you nervous when meeting. Therefore, it is not surprising if at times a friend seems strange and clumsy.
- Shows signs of attention, rejoices when he manages to surprise and do something pleasant.
- He will try to enter your social circle, learn more about his beloved through those who already know you. It will be important for him to make a good impression - first on those around you, and then on you.
Of course, everyone’s signs manifest themselves differently, and you shouldn’t categorically apply them all with the same confidence, but if most of them are noticed, then there is reason to believe that the spirit of love has flown here.
Among the common manifestations of sincere love, the following can be noted, for example:
- If you already have a relationship, and your partner still gives compliments, shows signs of attention, and admires you, it means that he really is not indifferent to you. Especially if he does it not only in public, as if working for the public, but also in private.
- A lover will never offend his woman, no matter who she is. No sarcasm, humiliation, aggression towards the passion.
- Your partner easily does what will bring you pleasure: a massage, a bouquet, a nice frivolous gift... You should feel good - this is the only thing that is important to him. If he easily ignores the request, forgets about it, love is still far away here.
- Behavior in bed. Pleasure should be mutual, and often a partner gets pleasure from how good his partner is. If he strives to get the most for himself, completely forgetting about your interests, this is not a real feeling.
- A lover has no complaints or quibbles. If your every action causes a dissatisfied reaction on his part, if all words and actions are subject to criticism and changes, this is far from a sincere feeling. Even if I don’t agree with you, the proposed option will be presented correctly and respectfully, without authoritarian coercion or violence.
A companion in love will always make it clear to his partner that his most beloved is simply necessary, even if he has not yet confessed his love.
In fact, for ladies, the feelings that she herself experiences for the object are much more important, because of this the relationship develops more vividly and the sex is unforgettable. So whether a lover loves or not is sometimes a secondary question.
A lover will never allow himself to appear in front of his beloved in an unattractive, sloppy, uncollected manner. He will try to put on better things and get himself in order. Except when sloppiness is character.
The female sex usually recognizes quite easily and quickly when they like it - their internal radar quickly shows this. But usually more serious evidence is needed later, in addition to ephemeral intuitive ones. This is where these symptoms come in handy. Or facts and signs will be appropriate for those people who rely on logic and prudence - in such cases, abstractions do not inspire confidence, only clear arguments will help calm the soul. A person who has realized that she is the object of love, but does not want or is not ready to respond, usually pretends that she does not understand anything, or fights back.
Understand that married man in love with you, maybe based on the same signs. The trouble is that they are also visible to the wife if she is observant and careful. A person who values family will try not to change his usual way of life, not to destroy the family, and will try to nip his feelings in the bud. If the feeling has already taken root, it will be very difficult to stifle the feelings. But even when your partner is seriously in love with you, it does not follow that intentions will turn into actions and that a long, happy life awaits you. life together. Even if a friend is in love, he may not strive to connect the future with you.
Married Lover
If a partner behaves as one of the points below describes, being together is not destined - the partner is happy with the situation with his real wife and is not at all going to get a divorce and connect his life with you.
- categorically prohibits calling, sharply limits communication;
- prohibits telling your friends and family about you;
- you do not celebrate together any holidays related to either of you or either of you;
- you feel that he is constantly lying and nervous;
- conversations about the future are suppressed;
- behaves as if you are his property;
- showers you with gifts instead of the expected signs of attention.
Love is wonderful. However, it is better to remember that you cannot build your happiness on someone else’s misfortune, and by destroying your family, you will not create anything good for yourself. Although, everything in life is individual, and sometimes real passion comes when happiness seems completely impossible.