Quite often you can hear the expression “an experienced manipulator”, “he skillfully manipulates people.” What kind of phenomenon is this? What benefits does it bring and to whom? Why is it considered that manipulation is evil? How to recognize it and how to resist it? Let's try to answer the basic questions regarding the manipulation of people.

Manipulation usually refers to one of the types psychological impact, used to achieve a one-sided win. Manipulative influence is secret: the recipient of the influence retains the illusion of independence of decisions and actions. At the same time, after communicating with a manipulator, a person is left with the feeling that he was deceived, used, that he is “not himself” or “like a squeezed lemon.”

To achieve their goal, manipulators use the following techniques: reducing the criticality of the recipient of the influence, increasing their own rank in his eyes. They also try to distract the victim’s attention, limit it to “their” problem, isolate the person from other people... Psychological pressure is also often encountered. It may look like seizing the initiative and introducing your topic, reducing the time for making a decision (as they say, so as not to let you come to your senses).

Manipulators play on a person’s various interests and needs, on his fears, lack of freedom or sluggishness. The “strings of the soul” can be any motive that is significant for the victim - worry about shortcomings in appearance, pride in own origin, intolerance or, conversely, attachment to someone or something, hobbies, etc. Playing on moral duty, accepted norms and stereotypes of behavior in society can be used as a manipulation technique.

A person performs the action desired by the manipulator because “it’s customary,” duty or conscience obliges him, or he doesn’t do something because “it’s not customary,” and this can cause condemnation from others. In general, the more stereotypes a person’s consciousness is burdened with, the easier it is for a manipulator to achieve his goal, because he plays on the lack of freedom of the individual.

Many psychologists consider manipulation to be evil and view it negatively. The destructive effect, in their opinion, lies in the neuroticization of the recipient’s personality, susceptibility to external influence, and inability to act independently, without regard to others. In addition, the manipulator, while achieving his goal, simultaneously seeks to shift responsibility onto his victim. Therefore, it is necessary to learn how to defend yourself from manipulation. And for this you need to be able to recognize the manipulator.

Manipulation can manifest itself in different ways, but there are several signs that psychologists consider basic:

• Manipulators usually strive to put a person in a subordinate, dependent position, to master his will. To do this, they use the weaknesses, fears, desires of their victim, her interests, aspirations. This could be a thirst for power, a desire for some material wealth, a fear of losing a job, a love of drinking, etc.
• Characteristic signs of manipulation are deception, hypocrisy, and flattery. There may also be ingratiation, a desire to please, an offer of help, sometimes intrusive. At the same time, the victim has a feeling of ambiguity and understatement in communication.
• In an effort to recognize a manipulator, you should pay attention to his statements. They often contain calls for isolation, isolation (“look around - you are not valued here”, “you shouldn’t throw pearls before swine”). Manipulators are skilled intriguers; quarreling people, pitting them against each other, and deriving benefit from this for themselves is one of their favorite tactics. They can convince the victim of the need to fight, of the advisability of demonstrating their strength, thereby pushing the person to one step or another.

In order to protect yourself from manipulation, you need to learn to recognize it. As they say, you need to know the enemy by sight. This is not always easy to do, and it is best in such situations to rely on your own intuition. Listen to your feelings. If you have the feeling that you are acting against your will, contrary to your principles (but at the same time, your actions seem to be well-reasoned), that your partner is evading direct, concrete answers, is “obscuring” - then it’s time to start protecting yourself from manipulation.

It should be remembered that methods of psychological defense such as withdrawal or aggression, or a counter attack will not bring any benefit. More effective actions will be such as offering cooperation, destroying the struggle scenario, exposing the manipulator’s hidden intentions using direct or indirect questions.

When communicating with a manipulator, it is advisable to ask questions in order to gain time and get confirmation of some of your assumptions. For example: “You claim that Andrey constantly conflicts with his colleagues. What exactly do you mean?”

Maintain tact and composure. Don't get too emotionally involved in the situation; remain dissociated from it. Emotions often prevail over common sense and thereby interfere with adequately perceiving what is happening and accurately assessing the situation. And this is exactly what the manipulator needs to achieve his goal.

Self-confidence and confidence that your partner can give up the fight will help you resist the manipulator. We must remember that the main thing is not to overpower your partner, but to overcome the problem, naturally, in a different way. You can directly offer an alternative way to solve the problem, not so aggressive, but no less effective, thereby disarming the manipulator.

A good way is to interrupt the imposed scenario and offer your own, non-stereotypical, not meeting the expectations of your opponent. (“I read that it is much healthier and more effective to use not expensive cosmetics, but to make masks from fresh fruits and vegetables. I can tell you more about this.”) You can also invite the manipulator to solve the problem together. (“Your idea is good, but I can’t do it without your help”).

There is also an “emergency” way out of the situation - interrupt communication with the manipulator under a plausible pretext, and after a while return to him when you are ready and strong enough to resist. Such a time-out provides an opportunity to think, analyze the situation and choose the desired behavior strategy.

In fairness, it must be said that manipulation contains not only negative, but also positive aspects(like any other phenomenon). Accordingly, it can turn out to be both good and evil for a person. The acceptability of manipulation depends on whether it is used as a strategy (as the main and constant means of influence in communication) or as a tactic (as a situational and indirect means).

Manipulation used as a strategy is considered by many psychologists to be a major scourge modern man. But as a tactic, manipulation is used very often by almost all people. Any use of metaphor, myth (for example, in education, training or treatment), any counter-argumentation in a dispute is one way or another manipulation. Manipulation can be a means of defense in a situation of pressure, affective attack, coercion, or even one of the methods of survival (for example, when a bully pesters you).

There is a statement “humanity survived because our ancestors learned to manipulate what surrounded them.” It has a basis. However, progress is moving towards partnerships that develop impact strategies. Therefore, we can assume that humanity will survive if it learns not to manipulate, but to influence, taking into account the interests of everyone.

Psychological manipulation are techniques for obtaining the necessary decisions or actions from the victim by introducing attitudes into her psyche using various distracting techniques on the part of the manipulator.

“The main component of love: helping others to be themselves. If you strive to force and manipulate, then there is no love in you." Osho

Psychological manipulations in people's lives

The fact is that people are very multifaceted, in terms of genetic components, character traits, and mental characteristics. But they are designed in such a way that everyone is influenced by this very psyche, perhaps to varying degrees. And this is used as in medicinal purposes psychotherapists and psychiatrists, as well as experienced swindlers and hypnotists. It follows from this that manipulation of a person’s consciousness can be used both for his benefit and for his harm.

Within the scope of this article, we will not consider scientific methods of influencing the human subconscious. We are more interested in “everyday” manipulations in people’s relationships, the goals and methods of their use on the one hand, and also protection from such manipulators. After all, knowing at least the most common techniques is already half the battle.

Who uses psychological manipulation?

Everyone can manipulate, from small children to deep hypnotic experiments of experienced psychics. Moreover, this happens on a subconscious level and much more often than you can imagine.

they manipulate men in order to get what they want from them, in the form of gifts, help with housework, marriage, and everything that women desire. And their desires can be limitless...

they manipulate women, persuading them to have an intimate relationship, withdrawing from household affairs, subordinating them to their will.

Children command their parents, demanding their way with screams and crying in infancy, stubbornness, “illness,” jealousy, protests and threats in adolescence.

Parents command, exercising total control, demanding strict adherence to instructions; By pretending to be sick, they attract attention.

Teachers manipulate children, shaping their communication skills, the degree of their ability to learn and self-development.

Television, all kinds of advertising, newspapers and all other media have a very strong influence on the psyche of people, programming them in the direction they need, “stuffing” them with negative news, seasoned with aggression and hopelessness. As a result, people begin to think the way they were programmed, without noticing it themselves, but grumbling at everyone and everything.

Fraudsters take advantage of people's gullibility by deceiving them to make money.

Religion manipulates believers, frightening them with the torments of hell and promising heavenly life, in order to achieve obedience and admiration.

The state manipulates its people, using all levers of power with the same goal - obedience.

It seems that everyone is using us for their own purposes, by hook or by crook they are trying to get the actions they need from us... But this is not entirely true. When a person is aware, it is difficult to force him to do what he does not want.

How to resist manipulation?

If you feel that you may be being manipulated, you should be more attentive and try to predict the train of thought of your interlocutor. Try to highlight its main goal, do not be distracted by tricks, so as not to lose the main thread. Be prepared to refuse his request if you don't like what they offer you. The request will most likely be presented in a hidden form, which is why you should be doubly careful. After all, an experienced manipulator usually confuses his victim in order to weaken his vigilance, and then with a light “pressure” he asks him to urgently make a decision, without allowing the victim to come to his senses. Therefore, never make a decision without thinking, here and now. Find a way to delay making a decision. Remember, no one can force you!

Ask again, ask counter questions, pretend that you don’t understand what they want from you. Do not tell unnecessary information about yourself, because an experienced manipulator can use the information received against you. Don't let yourself be confused by a stream of distracting questions.

Don’t rush to feel sorry for the “unlucky ones.” If your interlocutor talks about his “failed” life in a very pathetic way, trying to evoke pity in you, you can sympathize, but no more.

Do not succumb to refined flattery; once again doubt the sincerity of the flow of compliments. Especially if they are not true.

Be wary of suddenly emerging common interests, of deliberately emphasizing intelligence, neatness and other superiorities.

Reduce the time you watch television programs with a criminal and generally negative slant, or even better, give up television altogether. At first glance this seems impossible, but this is only at first glance. In any case, only you make the decision!

Regarding scammers, I can say one thing - trust only trusted organizations, people and your intuition.

Of course, one should not be too suspicious of all people, but be aware that resist manipulation , at any moment you must be able to assess the situation as if from the outside.

"Safe" psychological manipulations

"If behavior real woman cleaned out of manipulation, there will be no woman left. And first of all, men will be upset by this” Oksana Sergeeva

Female manipulation by men is special kind, when the latter do not notice that they have succumbed to the influence of the weaker sex, but at the same time they do not feel inferior.

We are so designed that sometimes we simply cannot do without manipulations; without them, life becomes joyless. A kiss, praise, a light touch or just a smile disarms us and we are unable to refuse the request of a child, a loved one, to a loved one or even a passerby. Experiencing a pleasant feeling of satisfaction from giving someone a little joy, we do not think about the fact that we may have been manipulated.

And now you can listen to the arguments about the manipulations of the host of the television program “Closer to the Body” on the “Muzhskoy TV” channel Semyon Chaika and psychologist Tatyana Muzhitskaya

____________________________________________________________________________________

Believe it or not...

Not long ago, one of the users of a famous social network shared a “discovery” with friends: the background colors that users of this social network can choose for their messages are strikingly similar to the colors famous test Luscher. That is, it is not pure colors that are offered, but a kind of smeared, muted option. By the way, it’s interesting that he discovered this completely by accident. It’s just that where he was located there was quite a slow Internet connection. And he noticed that before the social networks familiar to users load, “ funny pictures”, just when they offer to choose a background, it is the color layout that appears, reminiscent of Luscher’s.

If you're paranoid...

The user who discovered this oddity suggested that the social network was testing its users in this way. One can dismiss this assumption as just another bout of naive conspiracy theory. But, firstly, conspiracy theories in lately proves that she is not so naive when it turns out that what “naive conspiracy theorists” once warned about is only a soft version of what is happening in hardcore reality, and secondly, it is perhaps worth listening to the famous and as if joking statements like this: “Just because you are paranoid, this does not mean that you are not being watched.”

They're watching, be calm...

In fact, social networks no longer particularly hide the fact that they collect information about their users using all sorts of algorithms that evaluate certain of their reactions. That is why you suddenly find from time to time that you are being harassed by some kind of intrusive advertising or that you see messages from some of your friends, but not messages from others. For some reason, the social network “knows better than you” what you need, or “thinks” it “knows better.” If you knew that the matter is limited only to this, and that the information is not used for anything else, then okay. But we don't know that. And we rightly suspect social networks of playing dirty games. This time. And one more thing: it’s one thing when you are tested in agreement with you for a purpose known to you, and quite another thing when you never dream of such testing for unclear purposes. That's two.

Luscher test

What exactly is the Luscher test? It seems that those who have been at least somewhat interested or are interested in psychology know what it is. For those who don’t know, here’s a brief, albeit vulgar (for obvious reasons) explanation. This psychological test, which was invented by Swiss psychologist Mark Lüscher. The point is that preferences for one color or another, according to the Swiss psychologist, are subjective, in contrast to color perception itself. Plus, the choice of one color or another is based on unconscious algorithms, and therefore, a person becomes visible in full view - the way he is, and not the way he imagines and positions himself. Further - already technical details. But the point is this. Some argue that this is, if not quackery, pure form, then a very rough assessment of personality. However, those who took the test were, at times, shocked by how famously it brought to light those traits and potential of them, sometimes very unpleasant, which they themselves suspected of themselves.

"Don't talk!"

But in fact, it is always unpleasant that you are an object of study for someone. And, we repeat, without your request. Who gets the data that social networks collect about us? Maybe those who say that they end up with the special services are right? It's not in vain former employee CIA and NSA Edward Snowden, who now lives in Russia, is afraid to talk about serious topics even with an iron on nearby. And he knows what surveillance is. Let us recall exactly what information he published in the newspapers (after which he had to flee the United States). This was information from the NSA about the real World Wide Web, created by American intelligence agencies to track information flows between a huge number of people from different countries. With the help, among other things, of various information networks.

Social engineering

But in general, it’s not even about the special services and vigorous conspiracy theories. Simply, the data collected by social networks can be used, for example, in social engineering. Yes, in principle, social networks themselves in their current form are a tool of social engineering. At least some of the so-called color revolutions that swept across the world took place in social networks. And if only they would unwind. Social networks have sometimes been the organizing and guiding force of such revolutions, and in fact, coups. At least judging by their results (and none of them had a positive result for the majority of members of society in the territory where it unfolded), these are definitely destructive coups.

Manipulate and manipulate again

“Social engineers,” in fact, do not hide the fact that their goal is to create, with the help of various technologies, conditions that will lead to a specific desired result. All this is heavily influenced by the achievements of sociology and psychology. In short, this is manipulation, most often secret, in its purest form. One can argue that social engineering is just a tool, and everything depends on in whose hands this tool ends up. But in fact, manipulation always remains manipulation, no matter for whatever good purposes it is used. Yes, we all manipulate each other, but in the case of “social engineers” we are talking about conscious, sophisticated, scientifically based manipulation of individual and mass consciousness. It's akin... nuclear weapons. Which, as you know, requires close control. Perhaps social engineering methods will be useful for medical purposes. But even then the temptation to manipulate remains.

Responsible Manipulator Code

The above does not mean at all that social engineering should be prohibited. Once upon a time we already declared genetics the “enemy of the people.” And they fell behind. Enough of this shamanism. On the contrary, social engineering must be developed in every possible way precisely with the aim of not only discovering weak points in human perception, but also to develop methods to counter even high-level manipulation. In addition, no one has yet canceled science, despite the craze for various obscurantisms. But most importantly, the “social engineers” themselves must approach their work responsibly, being aware of not only the pros, but also the disadvantages of this “engineering.” They would, perhaps, create some kind of code for a responsible manipulator...

It's a trap

You can find many recommendations on how to recognize and cut off attempts at manipulation. The only trouble is that in most cases they do not work. Why? Yes, because, whatever one may say, they are all based on awareness. And people, for the most part, are unconscious creatures. You can argue with this statement, but if you try to trace your everyday reactions, you will easily see that in the vast majority of cases we act automatically, without thinking. No, in our heads there is always some white noise from fragments and shadows of memories and thoughts, but for the most part this has nothing to do with what is happening in reality. Or rather, it has an indirect relationship. That's the problem. This is the weak point that allows us to be manipulated, causing the necessary reactions. And even when it seems to us that we are quite logical in our reasoning and are fully aware of what we are doing, this rarely coincides with reality. After all, it is not enough to think logically; I would like to understand what caused the chain itself, what emotions it is based on and what ancient instincts or simply habitual algorithms feed these emotions themselves. Agree, this looks very much like a trap. Moreover, into the trap that we set for ourselves.

Take breaks

On the other hand, we arranged it ourselves, and we can disassemble it ourselves. But it's difficult. The main trick in this is attention. You need to listen to your reactions and take a break. That is, do not react automatically. A certain emotion has appeared, a certain urge to action, a certain direction of thought in response to a reaction - take a break. Relax. Try to understand what really motivates you. Again, this is difficult, incredibly difficult. But there is no other way out if you do not want to be a victim of manipulators. We must gradually spread our attention and awareness to everything. longer time wakefulness. And it will become a habit. Don't sleep in reality.

Have you ever caught yourself doing a completely unloved task through force, and not even for yourself, but for an unfamiliar person who simply tearfully asked you about it? Or maybe you did the housework yourself as a child, without arguing with your parents, so that in the evening you could say: “Mom, well, I’ve done all my work, can I go with my friends to the disco until the morning?” Does it happen that you buy a product that is completely unnecessary for your home, but is sold at a very attractive price or comes with a gift? All these familiar scenes from life are examples of successful manipulations. Let's try to figure out together what manipulation is, and how to resist a manipulator.

You might be interested to immediately read:

What are manipulators?

Dictator - a person who uses his strength, physical or social. Such a manipulator pours out instructions and teachings left and right. Strives to achieve a leadership position or finds more weak people surrounded by friends or loved ones. If necessary, he can threaten with physical violence, dismissal, and does not hesitate to humiliate the people around him.

Calculator or calculator . Such a manipulator will not take a step to harm himself. Since childhood, he has been trying to choose the biggest candy from a gift; in business, he will establish contacts exclusively with those people who can be useful. One cannot expect sincere help from him. If they helped you, it means that in the near future you will be able to be useful to the “calculator”.

Rag. It's always hard for him. All circumstances go against him, and a genuine impression is created that the rag is really a rag. I feel so sorry for the poor guy... I really want to help him. The manipulative rag is weak, always needs support, and presses on pity with his difficult situation and bad luck. But if suddenly he is left alone, then miraculously he completes all the tasks with ease and amazing speed.

Stuck. It's really difficult for him. He finds for himself strong man, from whom you can feed energy, to whom you can turn for advice. He can call several times a day, flood his inbox with letters, knock on ICQ and Skype. And he doesn’t realize that you have your own family and your own concerns, except for saving the “stuck”.

Manipulative judge. There is nothing he likes. He is ready to see in everyone a catch, deception, betrayal. Gives a categorical assessment of what is happening.

Defender. Remember how a grandmother runs to her granddaughter, offering him candy to console him and protect him from “evil and nurturing” parents. Such methods of manipulation also affect adults.

Firstly, if you notice attempts by loved ones, friends or just acquaintances to manipulate you, stop yourself every time and ask: “Why am I doing this?” Over time, you will know your weaknesses, which are under pressure most often, and you can work to eliminate them. Understanding your motives for performing certain actions is one of the good methods for deciding how to resist a manipulator.

Secondly, learn to feel your personal space and area of ​​responsibility. Mom’s sick heart is her responsibility as an adult. The fact that your boss forgot to give you a task on time is his area of ​​responsibility. Your right to refuse such a job and such a boss. A friend's problems will survive until the morning. It's not your job to take care of your friend. If you do this, it is solely out of personal aspirations, and not out of a sense of duty or responsibility for his condition.

Thirdly, try to give yourself time to think if your usual “strings” are touched, and you have an impulse to succumb to manipulation. For example, you don’t have to buy your child a car in a store so as not to feel like a bad parent who doesn’t know how to raise a child. Try counting mentally to ten or to one hundred. Take control of your emotions. Look at the situation from the outside: the child will not cry forever. And another time, when the manipulator sees that his actions are not having the desired effect on you, he will stop touching you and switch to a weaker person.

Fourth, try to break the avalanche of messages from the manipulator. Ask him leading questions about what he really wants. Try to do something unusual to confuse him. Offer your own alternative answers to the questions and suggestions of the manipulator. Become the leader, not the follower, in your dialogue. Let's make it clear that you are in control of the situation at least equally.

In conclusion, I would like to say that a self-confident person who clearly knows his capabilities and desires rarely becomes a victim, and knows how to resist a manipulator on an intuitive level. Develop your feeling. Take responsibility only for that area of ​​life that relates directly to you.

Manipulation is an instrument of influence, a method of influence, a rude and violent change in the way of thinking and behavior of another person. People often resort to such unethical influence because it is simple and effective. How to resist a manipulator?

It is much easier to use manipulation techniques (lies, blackmail, suggestion, and others) than to spend hours in a calm conversation explaining your point of view, finding and presenting arguments and evidence, or helping your interlocutor realize some truth.

For example, a mother can manipulate a child like this: “Until you put all your toys in the closet, you won’t go watch cartoons.” The intention is good - to develop neatness and cleanliness in the child; The chosen method (threat) is fast-acting, but far from the best.

Manipulator- a person who uses others as a means to achieve personal goals. But manipulators are not always cynical and insensitive, as the definition might seem. Many of them act “out of love”: “I wish you well!”

Types of manipulators according to E. Shostrom (American psychologist and psychotherapist):

1. Dictator. Manipulates through threats, reprimands, criticism, punishments and other harsh verbal and forceful actions. Desires to manage and control the environment. Having gained power, he becomes a despot.
2. Calculator. Calculating egoist. They consider any person as a potential source of benefit. The calculator is cynical and insensitive, and his friendship and love are calculated. He behaves politely and kindly, but is uncommunicative.
3. Rag. The main method of influence is pity. Deliberately demonstrates his weakness, softness, infantility, naivety, helplessness. By “lining up” in front of the victim, Rag shifts responsibility, thereby making his life easier and more carefree. Such manipulators are often artistic and flirtatious.
4. Stuck. If Rag only pretends to be weak and helpless, then Sticky really is. He follows his victim, tormenting her with requests for help and support. Desires to be controlled and led.
5. Judge. Judges and condemns. Suspects everyone of lies and malicious intent. Can find a sin or crime in any harmless act. Tries to evoke a feeling of guilt and a desire to atone for her. He often frowns and expresses dissatisfaction with the whole world.
6. Defender. Plays the role of a good trustee. He loves to shield, justify, and praise for no reason, thereby doing a disservice to his victim and making her dependent on his kindness.
7. Nice guy. Unlike the protector, the Nice Guy only pretends to be kind. His concern is feigned and intrusive. He puts on a mask with a fake smile and becomes charming, charismatic, friendly. He easily “falls” the victim in love with himself, and then, behind her back, commits vile acts.
8. Hooligan. Such a manipulator will not build a plan and then strike on the sly, like the Nice Guy, but will do it immediately and openly. He is simple and straightforward, does not know how to negotiate or compromise. His only argument is brutal physical aggression. If something is not the way the Hooligan wants it, fists are immediately used.

Tandem “manipulator – victim”

As a rule, there is some kind of long-term interdependent relationship between the manipulator and his victim. They cannot live without each other and seem to be attracted to each other. This is a relationship power and subordination, that is, not partners and not equal.

One person believes that he has the right to lead another, and the other, consciously or unconsciously, allows him to do so. Moreover, one can lead not only through strength, but also through weakness.

The manipulator does not always recognize himself as such and, on the contrary, considers himself a patron, helper, and comrade-in-arms of the victim.

More often resort to manipulation:

• parents towards children,
• spouses in relation to each other,
• superiors in relation to subordinates.

A manipulator only has power over another person when he understands that he can influence him, that is, when he assumes that the person will succumb to manipulation. And victims themselves often provoke manipulators with words, actions, and behavior.

Victim a manipulator becomes a person who:

1. Psychologically not mature or directly dependent on the manipulator. Therefore, children and adolescents, whose personality has not yet had time to form and strengthen, are very easy to manage.
2. He has obvious “sore spots”: too kind, compassionate, impulsive, hyper-responsible, in love, etc. The manipulator builds his behavior in such a way as to affect precisely these aspects of the personality: “Do you love me?”, “Not for service, but for friendship!”, “No one can do this better than you!”
3. Confuses someone else's and one's own “I”. Without your own guidelines, principles, goals, strong positions, needs, desires, it is easy to believe and blindly follow those who offer them and advertise them as the best. For example, a young woman whose parents tell her that it’s time for her to have children begins to think that she really wants this, and having achieved her goal, she wonders why she is not happier.
4. Takes a passive position in relationships. Does not analyze his relationship with the manipulator, does not perceive them critically, tolerates discomfort in communication, and is in no hurry to counteract.

In the “manipulator-victim” relationship no development. This is a vicious circle that can only be broken, after which the relationship is either completely will stop, or they will go for a qualitatively new one, more high level (business or spiritual).

The manipulator uses the victim as a means to achieve goals, squeezing strength and energy out of him. The victim of manipulation suffers not only from psychological discomfort, but often from physical ailment after such communication.

Long-term relationships with a cruel manipulator are often fraught with mental or psychosomatic illnesses. To save yourself, you need to learn to resist manipulation.

Ways to deal with a manipulator

To be able to confront a manipulator, you will have to find and identify the traits of a potential victim in yourself.

To begin with, it is worth answering questions:

• Am I sufficiently independent from the manipulator and self-sufficient?
• What are my “weak points” that the manipulator is pressing on? Which ones need work?
• Am I clear about my personal area of ​​responsibility? Am I shifting someone else’s “burden” onto myself?
• Are all my desires and goals really mine, and not imposed from the outside?

To resist a manipulator, you need be confident. A confident person knows how to interact with his interlocutor in a business-like manner, on an equal footing, and maintain composure during communication.

A person who does not give in to manipulation will not become a victim.

Eat technique, which will help even a weak and easily suggestible subject to resist the manipulator during communication:

1. The right attitude. You need to be able to notice the manipulation in time. As soon as a manipulative technique wedges into a normal conversation, you need to tell yourself: “They are trying to control me, but I can resist.”

How to notice? If you know the manipulative techniques, as well as the type to which the manipulator belongs, it is not difficult. In addition, there will be a pressing on “sore spots”: pity, compassion, a desire to help, feelings of guilt, shame, injured pride and other manifestations of “weak” character traits will appear.

1. Breaking the “pressure-concession” chain. The manipulator is used to getting quick results; he expects the victim to immediately agree and do as he wishes. You can't give in! You need to answer: “I’ll think about this proposal/request/advice,” take a break and not give in to persuasion to make a decision at the moment.
2. Expressing your position. You need to express your position clearly and persistently, but calmly. The goal is to show the manipulator your confidence and strength of character.

This is not easy to do, since it is unlikely that the manipulator will be ready to listen to her calmly; on the contrary, he will increase the impact and use all his capabilities. But there is no other way out than to gather courage and “hold the line.” You will have to endure screams, tears, reproaches, insults, etc.

1. Expression of feelings. You need to understand and not hesitate to talk about the painful feelings that the manipulator causes. There is no need to blame him, for example, like this: “Because of you, I feel ungrateful!”, but try to speak from an I-position, for example: “Your words and reproaches make me feel ashamed, although I have nothing to be ashamed of!”
2. Resolving the situation. If a relationship with a manipulator is expensive, you will have to compromise. In no case should you give in completely, but you will have to learn to negotiate.

The solution should satisfy both interlocutors, and not contribute to achieving the selfish goals of the manipulator. If you make concessions, then to both partners, if you share responsibility, then in half, if you communicate, then openly, honestly and equally.

Anyone, even the closest, dearest and most beloved person, is a separate person. When communicating with people dear to your heart, you should not forget about yourself. If you completely “merge”, become a servant, a victim or a shadow of another person, you can lose not only your “I” and your individuality, but these same close relationships.

Neither parents, nor children, nor spouses, nor friends, nor colleagues have the right to manipulate the identity of another person.