The little girl was left with her grandmother. In the morning, the child pesters his grandmother: Baba, pray and repent! Well, woman, well, pray and repent! The grandmother is shocked (the truth speaks through the mouth of a baby), goes to church, lights candles,
prays and bows. He comes back, and there is still the same song, pray and repent, pray and repent. The child is already in tears, the grandmother is half-fainting. Everything became clear when the parents returned. The girl asked to play the cartoon Baby and Carlson for her, she just didn’t speak well.
Mom gets her son ready for a hike:
- Here I put you butter, bread and a kilogram of nails.
- But why?
- It’s clear why! Spread butter on bread and eat!
- And the nails?
- Well, here they are, I put them in!
Mom, what is “pi”?
- Well, it's from mathematics. Then you will teach. Where did you hear it?
- Yes, here’s a poem: “And day and night, the learned cat walks around and around.”
10-year-old Polina looks at her newborn brother. The boy has already begun to react to the faces of his loved ones. He looks at his sister carefully and suddenly smiles widely. Polina notes with satisfaction:
- Well, of course he smiles at me. You are adults, and I am a children's group.
5-year-old Maxim and his 4-year-old sister Alisa are eating cabbage salad. After the meal the boy turns to Alice:
- Well, today at afternoon tea you and I were just like goats.
“No,” the girl corrects him. - There's only one goat here. And I'm a bunny.
6-year-old Kirill watches with interest as his father climbs a stepladder to paint the frames. At this moment, the mother approaches the child and says:
- When you grow up, son, you can help dad.
After thinking a little, Kirill asks: “Won’t dad finish painting by then?”
4-year-old Anton enters a subway car with his dad at rush hour.
- Well, let's see if people have a conscience? - the child says out loud.
- How is that? - the father is interested.
“Will they give way to a man with a child, or, as usual, will they lower their eyes,” explains the son.
3.5-year-old Panya is present during her mother’s conversation with the local pediatrician. The doctor, having examined the girl’s older brother, advises: “If the temperature rises, rub him with vodka.” - Vodka? - Panya is surprised. - We don't have vodka. Dad drank all the vodka.
9-year-old Vasya returns with his mother from the store, where they just bought two packs of cookies.
“There are six cookies in each pack,” Vasya thinks out loud. - That makes twelve. There are three children in the family. That makes four cookies per child...
Upon entering the apartment, Vasya sees three pairs of shoes from his older brother’s classmates.
“Mom, don’t tell me that twelve is divisible by six,” Vasya says sadly. - This is beyond my strength.
As a child, we didn’t worry about how we should dress - our parents bought all our clothes for us. And now you look at children’s photographs and realize that our parents also didn’t really worry about how to dress us...
Seryozha falls out of his crib at night. Mom runs up to him:
- Serezhenka, what did you hit?
- A bedside rug.
4 year old Allochka says:
- Uncle Kolya, I love you so much that I would tear off your legs.
- What are you talking about, Allochka! For what?!
- And then you would have been little and always played with me.
A boy sat on a tree and cried:
- Take me off, take me off...
And he was very lucky, because in the park where the tree stood there were a lot of people walking good people with cameras.
2 year old Danilka, after hearing a dozen fairy tales, is clearly overloaded with information:
- And dad and I saw the Swan Princess there in the picture. She sat and spinned by the window. And she is no frog!
Granddaughter asks:
- Grandma, how old are you?
- Sixty.
- Show me your fingers!
3 year old Ksenia at the zoo:
- Why do lions live in the desert?
- They have nowhere else to live.
- What, all the cages in the zoo are occupied?
We drive up to the house by car. A two-year-old nephew emphatically states:
- Uncle Zhenya, I know where to go here...
-Where to, Sashenka?
- Straight!
4-year-old Fedor tries to chew a peach pit for several minutes in a row.
- Son! - his father tries to stop him. – The bones must be broken with a stone or a hammer. You could break all your teeth like that.
“Well,” Fyodor answers, “let them grow like iron ones, like our Uncle Grisha’s.”
I was in China. While there was an excursion, a Chinese boy of about 3 years old ran in front of our group, laughed loudly, rolled on the ground and chattered something in his own way.
At our request, the guide translated, he yelled: “Ofieeeee, everyone has one face, eyes like a cow!”
Maxim's father decided to tell the truth about Santa Claus and others fairy tale characters.
“So, son,” the frank dad begins, “in fact, there is no Santa Claus.” All these years I played his role, and my mother and I bought gifts for you...
“I know, dad,” Maxim interrupts his father. “And you were a stork too, my mother confessed to me.”
- Forward >
Everyone loves to read and listen to jokes - not only adults, but also children. Therefore, today we have selected the funniest children's jokes for ages 10-12, which you can read with your children or tell them to them.
Children's jokes are the funniest
Two boys meet on the street. One reports the news:
— I just had a bad tooth pulled out.
- Well, does it still hurt?
- I don't know.
- How can you not know this?
— But the doctor still has the tooth.
Father says to daughter:
“I wouldn’t dare lie like that at your age!”
— At what age did you start?
One boy says to another:
- My dad is very good.
-Are you telling me this?
- You.
— Just last year he was my dad.
Son to father:
— Dad, when you were in school, were you in the same class with Seryoga’s father?
- Yes.
- This can’t be!
- Why?
- Because he also claims to be the best student in the class.
Teacher scolds student:
- You came again without a pen?! I wonder what you would say if you saw a soldier showing up for training without a weapon?
“I would say that he probably became a general.”
The funniest jokes for children 10-12 years old
- Boy, don’t be a bully, otherwise your dad will grow up gray hair!
“My dad will be very happy, he’s completely bald!”
- Ivanov, who did it for you? homework: dad or mom?
- I don’t know, I was already asleep.
Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know that the best place to study is in kindergarten!
Hedgehog learned to breathe with his butt. The Fox passes by and the Hedgehog says to her:
- Fox, oh Fox, strangle me!
The fox strangled and strangled, but could not strangle.
The Bear walks by, the Hedgehog says to him:
- Bear, Bear, strangle me!
The bear strangled and strangled, but could not strangle.
The Hedgehog walked like this all day through the forest, and no one could strangle him. The Hedgehog got tired, sat down on a stump and choked.
During the test, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who notice spurs. The director looks into the classroom.
- Are you writing a test? There are probably a lot of people here who like to cheat.
Teacher:
- No, the amateurs are already in the corridor, only the professionals remain.
Children's jokes about Vovochka
During a biology lesson in class, the teacher says:
— The pistil and stamen of flowers are the reproductive organs.
Vovochka with back desk, sadly:
- Damn, I smell them...
The teacher enters the class and asks Vovochka:
-Where is Seryozha?
- He’s not there, we were playing to see who would lean out of the window next... Well, he won.
Vova, what are you like? good deed did it today?
“And I was seeing my dad off and saw the uncle running after the departing train.” So I let my dog, pit bull Rex, go, and the guy caught the train.
At school:
- Well done, Nikita, a solid five, give me the diary!
- Oh, it seems I forgot it at home...
- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.
- Vovochka, let’s say you have 100 rubles. You asked your father for another 100 rubles. How much money will you have in total?
- 100 rubles, Mary Ivanna.
- Too bad, Vovochka, you don’t know math at all!
“And you, Mary Ivanna, don’t know my father at all!”
The son says to his mother: “I won’t go to school anymore.”
- Why?
- Fuck it, this school. Again Kuznetsov will hit him over the head with a textbook, Vasiliev will start aiming with a slingshot, and Voronin will trip him up. I won't go.
“No, son, you have to go to school,” says the mother. - Firstly, you are already an adult, you have turned forty years old, and secondly, you are the director of the school...
The son comes home and boasts to his father:
- Dad, I took the old lady across the road! Dad:
- Well done! Here's some candy for you. The next day the son comes with a friend:
- Dad, my friend and I moved the old lady across the road! Dad:
- Well done! Here's some candy for you. The next day, the son brings his entire class:
- Dad, the whole class moved the old lady across the road!
- Why are there so many of you?
- And she resisted...
Maxim, why does your dad do all your homework? -Well, what should I do if my mother has no time!...
A first grader comes to a school supply store and asks: - Auntie, do you have glue for 1st grade? - No, boy. - What about circled notebooks? - In what other circle? Not either. The citizen standing behind speaks angrily.
- Boy, don’t fool the seller and don’t waste people’s time. Girl, show me the globe of Ukraine...
During a lesson about the world around us: Teacher:
-Vovochka when is the best time? best time for picking apples? Vovochka: -When the dog is tied...
The son comes home from school and says to his father: “Dad, you are being called to school.” - What have you done? - Yes, I broke the glass. Father went. A few days later, the son says again: “Dad, they’re calling you to school again.” - What's this time? - Yes, the chemistry room blew up. Father went. A few days later, the son again says to his father: “Dad, you are being called back to school.” - That’s it, I won’t go, I’m tired. - Well, that’s right, there’s no need for you to wander around the ruins......
Mother wakes up her son for school: -Have you done your homework? -No. -Why are you sleeping then? -The less you know, the better you sleep!!!...
The son comes home with a bad mark.
- Dad, don't worry!
- Okay, just don't be offended!
Teacher to student:
- When is your birthday?
- October 5.
- What year?
- Everyone.
There is an arithmetic lesson in first grade. The teacher asks:
- Syoma, how much should your mother pay for two kilograms of apples, if one kilogram costs five rubles?
- I don't know. My mom always bargains like that!..
- Why weren’t you at school yesterday?
— My sister got married.
- Okay, just make sure this doesn’t happen again!
— Do you like going to school?
- Yes, but these hours between walking are the most disgusting.
The parish doctor was also a teacher in Sunday school.
He asks the boy:
“Tell me, my young friend, what must we do to get to heaven?”
“To die,” the boy answers.
- That's true, but what should we do before that?
- Call the doctor!
A mathematics professor reads a book to his son at night.
Baby, sighing:
- Pa-a-ap! Yes, it's boring! I would go straight to the episode where the multiple Riemann integral is tested against the Darboux criterion...
Collected large selection from large quantity very funny and funny jokes for children, school and about children. While we were selecting these jokes and reading them, we found it very funny to the point of tears.
An anecdote is a short, funny story from life. We also recommend that you familiarize yourself with our previous issue of funny jokes for children - it turned out to be very fun and funny (since each joke was hand-selected).
Funny jokes for children 5-6 years old
A boy on a walk with his dad in the park saw two twins in a stroller. He looked at them for a long time with a smart expression on his face and finally asked dad:
- Daddy, where is my second one?
On the alley, Sashenka got into a fight with his friend. Dad began an educational conversation with him:
- Sasha, tell me, do you fight all the time?
- Yes! - the boy answered.
- And even in kindergarten!
- Yes! - answered Sasha.
- And who wins?
- Our teacher always wins. - the kid answered sadly.
The son was treated to an apple. He silently takes it and looks at me. I:
- What should I say?
-Did you wash it?
“I will become a fairy,” my granddaughter told me. - I'm learning all sorts of tricks. For example, the candy disappears in my mouth...
Funny jokes for children 6-8 years old
- You'll probably be late for school!
- Don't worry, mom, school is open all day.
Today my son (6 years old) came up and said:
- Life has no meaning.
I ask:
- Why?
Answer:
- My teeth fell out...Who needs me now?
We have our hearing checked by a doctor at the clinic. The doctor whispers:
- Candy.
Seva (7 years old), also in a whisper:
- I can’t - I’m allergic...
Short jokes for children are very funny
“Mom, give me twenty rubles, I’ll give them to that poor grandfather!”
- You are my smart girl! Where does grandfather sit?
- And over there, he sells ice cream!
Mom says little son:
- Why don’t you eat, you said you’re hungry like a wolf?
- Mom, where have you seen wolves eat carrots?
- Why do you write so small? - the teacher asks Vovochka.
- Marya Ivanovna, so that mistakes are hard to see!
—Which river is longer: Mississippi or Volga? - the teacher asks Vovochka.
— Of course Mississippi!
- And do you know how much?
- Four whole letters!
Jokes for children about Gena and Cheburashka
Cheburashka comes to the cinema:
— How much does a movie ticket cost?
- Ten rubles.
- I only have five. Please let me in, I’ll look with one eye.....
Even the walls have ears.
Cheburashka was consoled by the crocodile Gena.
Cheburashka and Kolobok quarreled and wanted to fight.
Cheburashka says:
- Mind you, don’t hit your ears!
Kolobok:
- And on the head too!
Cheburashka is sitting. The wolf approaches.
- Cheburashka, what time is it?
- Wow, that's the path that leads to grandma.
Jokes about school are very funny for children
- Well done son for stopping crying!
- I haven’t stopped, I’m resting!
The second of September, the beginning of the first lesson, the teacher says:
- Children, do you have any more questions?
Vovochka:
- When are the holidays?
- Vovochka, this is my candy, give it back!
- Masha, where is mine then?
- I ate it!
The teacher told the students about great inventors and asked:
- Children, what would you like to invent?
- I would invent such a robot - press a button and the lessons are done!
- Petya, what a lazy person you are! What will Vova say?
- And I would invent an automatic machine that would press this button!
Jokes about Vovochka for children
Vovochka, what does your dad do?
- Transformer.
- How is that?
- 380 receives, 220 gives, the rest is buzzing...
Vovochka asks the teacher:
- Maria Ivanovna, is it possible to punish a person for something he didn’t do?
- No, Vova, under no circumstances!
- Hurray, lucky, because I didn’t do my homework!
Biology lesson.
- Vovochka, tell the whole class how earthworms reproduce?
- By division, Antonina Petrovna.
- And in more detail?
- With a shovel.
Vovochka, have you done your homework?
- No.
- Why did you already go to bed then?
- The less you know, the better you sleep.
The funniest jokes for children 10 years old
- Boy, don’t be a bully, otherwise your dad will grow gray hair!
“My dad will be very happy, he’s completely bald!”
While walking with her mother, Vovochka makes an unusual remark to her:
- Mom, your nails are so long!
- Thank you, Vovochka. This is called a manicure.
- Oh, I wish I had such a manicure to dig in the ground!
Jokes for children without swearing
IN kindergarten:
— Children, which birds don’t need nests?
“Cuckoos,” Nikita answers.
- Why?
- Because they live in clocks.
You will find even more funny jokes.
The domestic cat licked the baby's foot several times. Child:
“Mom, it’s time to feed Murzik, otherwise he’s already trying me!”
After kindergarten, Roma says to dad:
- And today Vitya and Sasha had a fight!
- And which of the children won?
- Teacher.
Dad asks the children:
-Who ate the apple?
Vovochka:
- Don't know!
- Will there be more?
- Will!
The funniest jokes for children 12 years old
At the zoo:
- Dad, the gorilla looked at us very angrily...
- Calm down, son, it’s still just a cash register.
- Vovochka, last night there were two cakes in the refrigerator, and this morning there was only one, why?
- Mom, the light bulb in the refrigerator burned out, and I didn’t notice the second one!
1. Which river is longer: Mississippi or Volga? - the teacher asks Vovochka.
— Of course Mississippi!
- And do you know how much?
- Four whole letters!
2. Russian language teacher says:
— Children, how do you understand the phrase “visibly-invisibly”? Vova, answer.
- So it’s the TV that’s acting up!
3. Homework is only needed to quarrel between children and parents...
4. Mom asks Vovochka:
- How many tasks were on the test today?
- 15!
- And how many times did you decide wrong?
- Only one thing!
- The rest, then, right?
- No, I didn’t have time to decide the rest...
5. Winnie the Pooh is chewing a bun. Piglet comes up.
- Vinny, let me bite the bun.
- This is not a bun... this is a pie!
- Well, let me take a bite of the pie.
- This is not a pie... this is a donut!
- Well, let me bite the donut.
- Listen, Piglet, leave me alone, you don’t know what you want!
6. Grandma, grandma! Why are your eyes so big?
- To see you better... - Why do you have such big ears?
- To hear you better...
- Why do you have such a big nose?
- Well, we are elephants, granddaughter...
7. Dad, did you have a tablet as a child?
— No, there were no computers then.
- What did you play then?
- On the street!
8. Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know what is most comfortable in
kindergarten!
Children's jokes are the funniest
9. Literature lesson. The teacher asks:
- Well, children, have you read “War and Peace”?
Silence... One guy jumps up and asks with dumbfounded eyes:
- Why did you have to read it???
Teacher:
- Well, yes…
- And I rewrote it!!!
9. Mom asks her son:
- Sasha, yesterday there were two pieces of cake left on the table. Now there is only one, why?
“I just didn’t notice the second piece in the darkness,” Sashenka answered.
10. A boy on a walk with his dad in the park saw two twins in a stroller. He looked at them for a long time
intelligent expression and finally asked dad:
- Daddy, where is my second one?
11. The girl came to her neighbor and said:
- Mom is very sick and wants strawberry jam.
- Oh God! What should you put it in? Did you take a glass or saucer?
- Yes, nothing is needed. I'll eat here.
12. Boxing in kindergarten. The ring judge gives the command:
- By different angles!
Boxers crying:
- We won't...
13. Chemistry lesson. Teacher:
— Masha, what color is your solution?
- Red.
- Right. Sit down, five.
- Katya, what about you?
- Orange.
- Not quite right. Four, sit down.
— Vovochka, the color of your solution?
- Black.
- Two. Class! Lie down.
14. Letter to Santa Claus:
- Grandfather Frost, I want Lenka to turn into a toad! And another gold bracelet.
15. Grandmother and granddaughter are sitting at a chamber music concert. The cellist is playing. Granddaughter asks
grandma:
- Grandma, when uncle saws his box, shall we go home?
16. “Your son shot with a slingshot during a lesson,” the teacher complains to the student’s mother.
- Ah! This naughty guy again lost the gun I gave him for his birthday.