In the story by I.S. Shmelev’s “Unprecedented Lunch” skillfully combines the descriptive side of the plot, designed to capture folk traditions festive feast, and an analytical line, during which the author raises the most important problems associated with national character and self-awareness.
The story opens with a description of the hectic preparations for dinner. On the one hand, I.S. At the same time, Shmelev emphasizes traditional Russian hospitality: dinner is prepared for an Englishman. On the other hand, it is painful for a writer to see servile admiration for a foreigner, even if he has not earned such respect for himself.
At the same time, I.S. Shmelev does not skimp on praise for the Russian craftsman. This is the cook in the story, Garanka, who was so skilled in his craft that he “gave a jackdaw for a hazel grouse.” The writer emphasizes that the gift of delicious cooking was given to Garanka by God: all the favorite heroes of I.S. Shmeleva live with God's help and they trust in God. Garanka's extraordinary talent is sharply contrasted by his appearance: Garanka comes to the customer's house in a greasy jacket without buttons and polka dot pantaloons. I.S. emphasizes more than once. Shmelev and Garanka’s quarrelsome character, which clearly interferes with his career. It’s not for nothing that they call him a “self-righteous trickster,” and for this they drove him out of the palace. Having misinterpreted the names of the seasonings, Garanka, in response to the offer to prepare a real English dinner, produces an exquisite menu that can successfully be extended for a week, casually mentioning that he fed the ambassadors. It is felt that the scandalous Garanka sincerely loves his job. In the story, he gradually reveals his chef's tricks - professional secrets: “Hare pie... but I can do without the hare: you can’t tell the difference between hazel grouse pate.” To implement culinary arts Garanka has no small details. Everything should be in perfect order. Even the wood is without a knot. All the best. While working, Garanka is overcome with special inspiration. Everyone says that at these moments it is better not to mess with him. The answer to the reasons for all the chef’s quirks is not difficult to find: he demands respect for his work and talent.
While waiting for lunch, I remember the story of the competition between the Englishman Kinga and the carpenter Martyn in the swim from the Crimean Bridge to Vorobyovka, described in detail in the story “Martyn and Kinga”. The Englishman in it looks like a deceiver and a trickster, completely unworthy of such an exquisite dinner.
The organizers of the reception certainly want everything to be as it should be. top level. Even cigars are stocked up for the holiday, because “the British cannot live without cigars.” Important, dressed-up guests come to the feast. The Englishman also looks like a respectable man: he is in a frock coat, and with him is a stick with a dog’s head. Showing him a respectful welcome, they still laugh at him when, instead of “juniper,” he says “mizhi-chalk” or something similar to “mouse tree.”
Kinga is very pleased with the treat, but after dinner he suddenly becomes ill. Everyone thinks that he was poisoned, but it soon turns out that Garanka, out of mischief, put castor oil in the spicy “pik-pik” sauce, although irrefutable evidence of this was never found. In the end it becomes clear that someone did put castor oil in the sauce. This is how the mysterious Russian soul manifests itself in practice. On the one hand, there is a desire to show off, and on the other, an uncontrollable need to annoy Kinge at parting because with his cunning and agility he earned two hundred thousand in Russia: he fooled everyone he could, profited from Russian ostentatious arrogance, and on simple-minded openness.
In the story by I.S. Shmelev's “An Unprecedented Lunch” skillfully combines the descriptive side of the plot, designed to capture the folk traditions of the festive feast, and the analytical line, during which the author raises the most important issues related to national character and self-awareness.
The story opens with a description of the hectic preparations for dinner. On the one hand, I.S. At the same time, Shmelev emphasizes traditional Russian hospitality: dinner is prepared for an Englishman. On the other hand, it is painful for a writer to see servile admiration for a foreigner, even if he has not earned such respect for himself.
At the same time, I.S. Shmelev does not skimp on praise for the Russian craftsman. This is the cook in the story, Garanka, who was so skilled in his craft that he “gave a jackdaw for a hazel grouse.” The writer emphasizes that the gift of delicious cooking was given to Garanka by God: all the favorite heroes of I.S. Shmeleva live with God's help and trust in God. Garanka's extraordinary talent is sharply contrasted by his appearance: Garanka comes to the customer's house in a greasy jacket without buttons and polka dot pantaloons. I.S. emphasizes more than once. Shmelev and Garanka’s quarrelsome character, which clearly interferes with his career. It’s not for nothing that they call him a “self-righteous trickster,” and for this they drove him out of the palace. Having misinterpreted the names of the seasonings, Garanka, in response to the offer to prepare a real English dinner, produces an exquisite menu that can successfully be extended for a week, casually mentioning that he fed the ambassadors. It is felt that the scandalous Garanka sincerely loves his job. In the story, he gradually reveals his chef's tricks - professional secrets: “Hare pie... but I can do without the hare: you can’t tell the difference between hazel grouse pate.” When it comes to bringing culinary art to life, Garanka does not spare any detail. Everything should be in perfect order. Even the wood is without a knot. All the best. While working, Garanka is overcome with special inspiration. Everyone says that at these moments it is better not to mess with him. The answer to the reasons for all the chef’s quirks is not difficult to find: he demands respect for his work and talent.
While waiting for lunch, I remember the story of the competition between the Englishman Kinga and the carpenter Martyn in the swim from the Crimean Bridge to Vorobyovka, described in detail in the story “Martyn and Kinga”. The Englishman in it looks like a deceiver and a trickster, completely unworthy of such an exquisite dinner.
The organizers of the reception certainly want everything to be at the highest level. Even cigars are stocked up for the holiday, because “the British cannot live without cigars.” Important, dressed-up guests come to the feast. The Englishman also looks like a respectable man: he is in a frock coat, and with him is a stick with a dog’s head. Showing him a respectful welcome, they still laugh at him when, instead of “juniper,” he says “mijimelka” or something similar to “mouse tree.”
Kinga is very pleased with the treat, but after dinner he suddenly becomes ill. Everyone thinks that he was poisoned, but it soon turns out that Garanka, out of mischief, put castor oil in the spicy “pik-pik” sauce, although irrefutable evidence of this was never found. In the end it becomes clear that someone did put castor oil in the sauce. This is how the mysterious Russian soul manifests itself in practice. On the one hand, there is a desire to show off, and on the other, an uncontrollable need to annoy Kinge at parting because with his cunning and agility he earned two hundred thousand in Russia: he fooled everyone he could, profited from Russian ostentatious arrogance, and on simple-minded openness.
I.S. Shmelev appears in this story not only as a brilliant writer of everyday life, but also as a subtle psychologist, an expert on human nature.
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"Lunch like no other"
In the story by I.S. Shmelev's “An Unprecedented Lunch” skillfully combines the descriptive side of the plot, designed to capture the folk traditions of the festive feast, and the analytical line, during which the author raises the most important issues related to national character and self-awareness.
The story opens with a description of the hectic preparations for dinner. On the one hand, I.S. At the same time, Shmelev emphasizes traditional Russian hospitality: dinner is prepared for an Englishman. On the other hand, it is painful for a writer to see servile admiration for a foreigner, even if he has not earned such respect for himself.
At the same time, I.S. Shmelev does not skimp on praise for the Russian craftsman. This is the cook in the story, Garanka, who was so skilled in his craft that he “gave a jackdaw for a hazel grouse.” The writer emphasizes that the gift of delicious cooking was given to Garanka by God: all the favorite heroes of I.S. Shmeleva live with God's help and trust in God. Garanka's extraordinary talent is sharply contrasted by his appearance: Garanka comes to the customer's house in a greasy jacket without buttons and polka dot pantaloons. I.S. emphasizes more than once. Shmelev and Garanka’s quarrelsome character, which clearly interferes with his career. It’s not for nothing that they call him a “self-righteous trickster,” and for this they drove him out of the palace. Having misinterpreted the names of the seasonings, Garanka, in response to the offer to prepare a real English dinner, produces an exquisite menu that can successfully be extended for a week, casually mentioning that he fed the ambassadors. It is felt that the scandalous Garanka sincerely loves his job. In the story, he gradually reveals his chef's tricks - professional secrets: “Hare pie... but I can do without the hare: you can’t tell the difference between hazel grouse pate.” When it comes to bringing culinary art to life, Garanka does not spare any detail. Everything should be in perfect order. Even the wood is without a knot. All the best. While working, Garanka is overcome with special inspiration. Everyone says that at these moments it is better not to mess with him. The answer to the reasons for all the chef’s quirks is not difficult to find: he demands respect for his work and talent.
While waiting for lunch, I remember the story of the competition between the Englishman Kinga and the carpenter Martyn in the swim from the Crimean Bridge to Vorobyovka, described in detail in the story “Martyn and Kinga”. The Englishman in it looks like a deceiver and a trickster, completely unworthy of such an exquisite dinner.
The organizers of the reception certainly want everything to be at the highest level. Even cigars are stocked up for the holiday, because “the British cannot live without cigars.” Important, dressed-up guests come to the feast. The Englishman also looks like a respectable man: he is in a frock coat, and with him is a stick with a dog’s head. Showing him a respectful welcome, they still laugh at him when, instead of “juniper,” he says “mizhi-chalk” or something similar to “mouse tree.”
Kinga is very pleased with the treat, but after dinner he suddenly becomes ill. Everyone thinks that he was poisoned, but it soon turns out that Garanka, out of mischief, put castor oil in the spicy “pik-pik” sauce, although irrefutable evidence of this was never found. In the end it becomes clear that someone did put castor oil in the sauce. This is how the mysterious Russian soul manifests itself in practice. On the one hand, there is a desire to show off, and on the other, an uncontrollable need to annoy Kinge at parting because with his cunning and agility he earned two hundred thousand in Russia: he fooled everyone he could, profited from Russian ostentatious arrogance, and on simple-minded openness.
I.S. Shmelev appears in this story not only as a brilliant writer of everyday life, but also as a subtle psychologist, expert human nature.
"UNIQUE LUNCH"
There is great turmoil in our house: an unprecedented dinner is being prepared for an Englishman - they ran for Garanka from the Mitrev tavern. I ask Gorkin: “Why is this, unprecedented? Is he an important Englishman? He looks like a tsar: huh?” And he gets angry and says: “What else can you say - against the Tsar... he collected money from fools, but he deserves respect!” - "What fools, why?" - “Oh, well... daddy will still hear you.”
Vasil Vasilich himself ran after Garanka, but he was unlikely to grab a fresh one: Sunday; Garanka, perhaps, without hind legs. In the office there is a father with Firsanov. It’s always Firsanov as a formal dinner for us. The war was celebrated when Skobelev took Plevna - Firsanov was there too. He is sitting on the sofa; There’s a cigar in my mouth, it’s bouncing under my lip, and I look at it, as if my sideburns would catch fire. Blue smoke is spreading; the father doesn’t like it, and the lark is harmful, but Firsanov was poisoned from a young age and cannot live without a cigar. I sit next to him and even through my cigar I can smell the smell of the cooks - such a confectionery smell from him. Firsanov does not undertake to prepare an English dinner, he can only serve it; I would probably have taken Labunov from Count Sheremetev, but he, unfortunately, asked to go to the Reverend. The father asks if Garanka can handle it.
He can handle it, but you know what a man he is... an arrogant trickster, and that’s why he was kicked out of the palace. And every sauce will be made, such a gift from God. He lived with Prince Dolgorukov - and then he was rude to the governor-general! The prince threatened to throw him out of Moscow in twenty-four hours, yes... he’s a very scoundrel, he knows how to make pie very well, no, no, and he sends for Garanka, two gendarmes take him. And he must have two bottles of rowan, otherwise he won’t be forced by any force... even in Siberia, he says, you’ll rot, that one. How did he last a year with Sudak Pasha... On Zatsep, Sudak Pasha lived in captivity. The robe he gave to Garanka.
He, s... s... they say, fried cats for him.
Not cats, but a jackdaw for a hazel grouse. This is a gift from God to him.
The father says that the merchants respected the Englishman, in parting, and it is not good to hit him in the face, it is necessary for Russian honor; he will go to his place and talk about Moscow.
And he taught me to ride a horse and teach me to swim, when I was still a boy. Famous person, it is necessary, Gubonin fed him at Moskovsky. Kumanin in the French style, there were all sorts of salads, but I want to surprise him, as a surprise, to treat him in a truly English way.
Vasil Vasilich’s curly head pokes through the door, his eye shoots merrily, his swollen face is red, - Kosoy has already managed to refuel.
Brought him, sir,” Kosoy says in a whisper, as if some secret, “brought a fresh one, sir...” and joyfully shakes his crest.
Why are you happy? - says the father. - Celebrated? Come on Garanka.
The red-haired, disheveled Garanka comes out. He is wearing a greasy jacket without buttons, pea-colored trousers, light; galoshes on bare feet; in a hairy fist is a cap with a bent visor, similar to a hoof. The eyes are green and bold; thin, tall - alive robber, Gorkin is all like that.
Eh, Garanya... - Firsanov shakes his sideburns, - you don’t know the order, don’t you say hello? They called you into the house, and you came straight from the Khitrov market.
Well, hello... - Garanka says reluctantly. - But you don’t need it, so I... - And he turns sideways.
If you don’t need it, you wouldn’t call me,” says the father. “Can you have an English lunch?”
Why not be able to! - Garanka says through his lip. - Sudak Pasha cooked something wrong. What do you think... formal or simple?
Front. We are seeing off the Englishman, a famous person.
Uh... the most English? - Garanka hums and begins to shake her leg, as if she wants to throw her galosh.
No, sleep first, then we’ll talk! - says the father, frowning.
How is this possible? - Garanka shakes herself boldly. “If you don’t want to, I can leave!” - And again he turns sideways.
That’s why they drove you out of the palace... - Firsanov threatens him, - for your tricks! If you break down, we’ll take Labunov.
Call Labunov. Just worry... La-bu-no-wa! - And he leaves.
Here, s... s...! - says the father and resets the dominoes.
Allow me to report, sir...” Vasil Vasilich pokes his way in. “I didn’t leave, sir, now it’ll cost... a little off, not fresh, sir.”
Real English for you? - can be heard behind Kosym. - When would you like?
Have you thought better of it? Need it tomorrow.
Can. They like it hot. Tail soup is their first pleasure. If we can’t find their fish, I’ll take the catfish, under a lemon with cinderea, they respect cinderea. Roasted, of course, on sherry with syndery, which is fucking awesome. Turkey, again with cinder... you can also have lamb fillet, with garlic, Madeira sauce, with wild honey on whipped cream, lingonberry jelly. Well, puddings, of course, with flames... yes, he fed the ambassadors! Snacks there, juniper vodka, porter, of course...
Firsanov will equip this.
Allow me to say, sir...” Squint’s head pokes through, “they respect the bitter one a lot, with an interceptor, sir!”
For their cheese... grated hazel grouse, livers, in cognac. Hare pie... but I can do without the hare: hazel grouse pate - you can’t tell the difference. Do you want to do it yourself according to my list, otherwise I can go to Okhotny?.. On your own. Only complete will for me, my assistants and copper utensils, to clean the kitchen... in addition to what was required, two bottles of rowan. After lunch I conceive! - And, shaking his head, he leaves.
Oh, s... s..., says the father.
And in the palace they suffered so much... - says Firsanov, - the chief cook almost hanged himself from it. They only tolerated it because of the pies... they finally kicked me out.
Allow me to say,” Kosoy pokes his way in again, “Mr. Entaltsev, congratulations... friends with Kinga.” And I can, he says, for company, for conversation, he knows how to speak their way... He sat with Bakhrushin in his frock coat, talking with Kinga. Asks for lunch to talk.
That's it. It would be nice, really... - the father says, thinking, - the governess was talking to Kumanin, the director from Bromley was talking to Gubonin. Although King may be our way, he should be. It’s just that he’s drunk... and he doesn’t have decent clothes. Well, you can give him a frock coat.
Now he walks around dressed, after his aunt he got a thousand rubles. And now he only drinks port wine. Well, pour him a glass, but don’t put out any glasses.
Let him come in the evening and have a look. You're busy... drinking away your aunt's thousand together, I know you!
And no, sir, I only treated him once, on the occasion of my aunt.
Garanka is making noise in the kitchen. Maryushka even brought out the icon and the geranium, sits sadly in the hallway, without a berth, sighs and whispers: “ Evil spirits, damned!" I show her, as a consolation, pictures in remembrance of how the soul goes through ordeals. She sighs, points her finger at the picture: "There he is, burning in hell... the living Garanka! And the red one, and the green eye, feisty... just as damned!" In the kitchen, they say, it’s a real hell. The cooks squeal in fumes, jump out into the yard, as if scalded, rubbing the backs of their heads: Garanka hits with a rolling pin. Pots rattle, the stove... blazing, - as if he didn’t start a fire. Kosoy looks out the kitchen window and walks away on tiptoe, raising his hands: “Oh, what is the wise man doing!” He asked for a basket of ice, firewood, so that without a knot, birch trees... such a lister prescribed - half in They didn’t get them to Okhotny, they drove him to Andreev, to Tverskaya, synderya, wild honey sticks, the most caustic pepper, ox tails... I didn’t even look at the hazel grouse - “with a shot, they’re not good!” For some gingerbread cakes he asked for pineapples... The cooks squealed: “Chop them smaller, but he tells you to pluck the torch!” - I'm not happy with the firewood. Enter the kitchen - God forbid! The janitor was carrying firewood... “It’s scary to look at,” he says, “he’s stabbing with a knife, and there’s fire and ice all around!” Everyone says: “He’s already corrosive, but whatever the case, don’t mess with him, he’ll kill you with a knife.” I don’t even go near the kitchen.
In the evening, Gorkin and the furrier are sitting under the barn on the boards, everyone is whispering something. I ask again why the dinner is unprecedented, and Gorkin only: “Daddy is weird, it’s none of our business.” The furrier says: “It’s not lunch for them, but it would be on their necks... we defeated the Turks, but they harmed us!” I ask: “Whose neck?” And Gorkin gets angry: “There’s no need for you to interfere.” And suddenly Garanka runs from the kitchen! And - right under the well. Shouts to Kosom: “Pump it up, you’re tired!” He wipes himself with the cap, pulls out the bottle and, from the neck, gurg-glug-glug. Garanka's eyes are scary - bloody, and on her apron there is a huge knife dangling. Sits on the boards, scary. "This pepper has eaten up my eyes... Capricious devils. Every person eats and praises, but enti... everything is not according to them. I've seen these ambassadors in the palaces! He doesn't look at you, but... moos, with... with ... so-and-so, I, the first person! " The furrier respectfully says to Garanka:
And here's what, pay attention... why did they prevent us? We defeated the Turks, and they...
Parasites, nothing more! - Garanka shouts in a terrible voice and gurgles again. “He lived near Sudak... he gave them jackdaws, they ate!” How to deal with them?.. Lo-pay! Otherwise it’s down the drain!..
And honor and respect to him! - says Kosoy. “It hatched before our eyes.” Pankratych knows how Martyn was deceived... our Martyn killed him, they swam on the Moscow River. The gentlemen were spoiled, he made a hundred thousand, he taught how to drive! Couldn’t they do it without him... Ten years ago, our Cossacks lured him to Khodynka, I’ll lay down a hundred rubles: please compete, can you bite a ten-kopeck piece from the ground, all the way? And ours bite. "Would you like to have a bite?" - “I don’t want to. I don’t want to hit my face on the ground... your face is official, but mine is overseas.” He turned out to be cunning. The fingermaster begged, Kozlov: “Mr. Kinga, bite the ten-kopeck piece, show your dexterity!” The Cossacks gave him advance: “We’ll put a ten-kopeck piece on the cloth, don’t hurt your muzzle, prove it!” He didn’t, he can’t. “I,” he says, “teach like a scientist.” Spoiled. He kicked out a hundred rubles a day! Master Aleksandrov went completely broke, he messed around with him, all the roads were opened for him. And Mr. Entaltsev, our drunkard... was also completely spent. They ran out, but King got a hundred thousand, and honor and respect for him. Daddy is weird... - Vasil Vasilich tells me, jabbing with his eyes, - but don’t tell me what Kosoy said... we’re talking among ourselves.
Why else would you kick the devil in the belly? - Garanka shouts, and Gorkin kindly says to him: “Don’t make noise, don’t make noise, Garanya.” - Don’t make noise... If I had known, I wouldn’t have done anything... out of respect only for the customer. Three peppers for him, damn it!" All my hunting was gone. My little devils seemed to be doing something...
He gurgles from the bottle and goes into the kitchen to make noise. The cooks, who were looking out the window, are hiding. Mr. Entaltsev appears at the gate, in a combed jacket, a hat and a cane: he walks and waves. He even wears a starched collar and looks younger, only his nose is even more swollen and blue and the gray bags under his eyes droop lower.
It’s easy,” says Kosoy, “sit down, Mr. Entaltsev.”
Oh, cutie... - Entaltsev wheezes and pats me on the cheek, - report to dad, Valerian Dmitry, they say, by invitation, for a conversation.
“I’ll report,” says Kosoy, “don’t worry, your case is on track; You will feast, a frock coat and a velvet vest with flowers have been picked out for you.
I'll see if it still works for me. Most importantly, don’t forget cigars, the British cannot live without cigars. I used to smoke - a great thing!
So I smoked.
He didn't smoke, but... did some charity. He used to give King money for boots, but now he’s getting two hundred thousand from us! I meet you the other day - give me a quarter, see you tomorrow... money in the bank, bank locked, holiday. Treshnik! Well, not a bad guy?.. To hell with it, I’ll go to the feast, give pleasure, for the sake of class.
Gorkin turns his head and waves: “Oh, sin be with you!” - and goes to his closet.
They gather for dinner - the Kashins, Sopovs, Butins the foresters, Bolkhovitin the Prasol - in long frock coats, important. The ladies, in rustling dresses, hats, and long gold chains, are seated in the living room. Firsanov looks around the state table, littered with silver and crystals. From the corridor I can see Entaltsev sitting under a ficus tree and rubbing his hands, otherwise he will intertwine his fingers and crack and quack. He looks at his frock coat and blue velvet vest with flowers. Laughing, they ask him: “From the Living or from the Dead?” These are such stores. He pulls at his drooping mustache and tries to make him laugh—he seems ashamed: “Isn’t it time for us, brothers, to have a drink? Isn’t it time for us to have a snack?” They say it's time, but Kinga is late. At the front door Kosoy shouts: “They brought Kinga, take him!” The father says: “Panteleimon, perhaps, they brought ... take him.” King enters, in an important frock coat and gray trousers, bald, dry, tall, with reddish sideburns, puts down a stick with a dog's head, and he is led into the dining room for a snack. Entaltsev shuffles around with King, King laughs: “Ah, ma-sheikin!” The father encourages: “Talk, don’t be shy.” The waiters are bustling around with plates. Entaltsev smacks his lips: “Amber with cloves!” - and says: “Alyon!” - must be an English word. They say: “Let’s pour it!” And King says, quite well: “Let’s have a drink.” Firsanov asks: “The most English cheese, sir, with syndery!” Kinge is poured with juniper, which is called “zhin” in English. Entaltsev pesters King: “Say - juniper!” They say: “Come on, turn it out!” King says: "Mizhi-crayon!" Laughing: mouse tree. Entaltsev walks around with two bottles, humming “Strelochka”: “I want you to pour it, pour it, pour it...” Behind the door Kosoy whispers: “Now he’s going to cut it, there won’t be any conversation from him.” Black Kashin, the godfather, shouts to Entaltsev: “Varya, beat him to it!” Entaltsev says quickly, familiarly: “An-ki-dran-ki-diver-drukh - tiber-faber-tiber-pooh,” and he dances around. King babbles at him: “Gaulau,” and Entaltsev vying with each other: “Sendel-Wendel drove the goat, took King’s money!” They roll around and shout: “Get dirty!” King takes Entaltsev by the nose: “Ti zulik, ma-shaykin!” Entaltsev speaks through his nose: “He knows all the native words, we taught him with Vaska Alexandrov... Say: “Damn!” King arranges his lips to whistle and pronounces “Tchart.” Then he says: “And ti... shi- tra-pa!” Firsanov asks “to try the very thing that the British respect, called “save-de-us” - all the ambassadors eat, the cook praises.” They say: “Well, what is this “won’t-let-you-sleep”? "King tastes something thick, red with a fork, puffs up his eyes and gains courage. He says, choking: “Oooh... kazitsa... pi-pik... our sauce!" He drinks juniper and takes a pi- ki-pik." Others also try, they say: "Oh, you're angry, you won't be able to breathe." And King eats with pleasure, wheezing: "Not all the mokut pik-pik is ours!" Entaltsev also imposes "pik-pik" - or so eat! Praises - licks his lips: “It’s good with honey... you can drink the sea with it!” - Father strokes his vest. King puts on another “pi-pika”, - good. .
They move towards dinner, into the hall. They serve tail soup and “rabbit pie.” They praise it, they have never eaten anything like this. King says, “This one is... like cotton wool, soft dirt,” and asks for another piece. Kosoy looks at me outside the door, and keeps quacking. He smells like vodka, his eyes are fixed, scary. Everyone goes to the dining room to have a snack. They bring catfish with red sauce, then turkey with cidery... Entaltsev does not have a glass, but his neighbor brings him one from his. They ask: “Come on, talk!” Entaltsev gets up with a glass and begins - in English: "Gau-lau... miki-wiki... blow-blow..." - like a real Englishman. Kosoy whispers: “Look how different it is.” Everyone laughs, King says: "Ti... ma-shakin!" They carry “pudding with flames”, the most important thing is that on silver dishes there are turrets, ruddy, with pimples, dangling from the middle and on the sides blue tongues fire. King shouts joyfully: “Bravo, our pudding, hurray!” Kosoy suddenly screams, runs into the hall and starts dancing like a drunk. Fire spilled from the dish and the waiter stumbled. Nothing, Kosoy put it out, returned to me, said: “Everything inside me is burning, I’ll go get a drink.” People in the hall are shouting that the fire must be put out. Champagne! The traffic jams pop. They reach out to King to clink glasses. They go into the living room for coffee. King is lounging in his chair, lighting a “royal” cigar. Everyone is surrounded by cigars. Non-smokers also take it as a keepsake. Entaltsev puts it in his pockets. Smoke spreads in clouds. They serve coffee with some kind of “gingerbread cakes” on pineapple. King shouts in delight: “Sami ma...shakin!” - that means it’s very good. Kosy and I try it outside the door: not gingerbread at all, but Easter cake with jam and almonds. The godfather walks by, notices me, lifts me up and says: “Come on, sing a song to the Englishman, you’re a master.” They bring it and put it in front of King. King snaps his teeth at me, takes out a silver coin from his wallet and says: “For some kostins, for tea... buy some sweet sugar... Sing a little song... bow-bow.” I’m ashamed, but everyone asks, and my father tells me to sing. I start, “Oh, gotcha, birdie, stop,” I look at the button on King’s stomach and see how he... I don’t see the button anymore, but big hand His vest is rubbing against him, and it’s as if something is hiccupping there. I chant - “let him fly, untie the nets...” - and suddenly the vest rises, and the gray knees go somewhere... They say: “Something’s wrong with him, look what he’s like!” King stands at the door, bends over and quacks, rubbing his stomach. He asks: “Lead me... pity... very soon... I won’t tolerate it.” His father beckons him, runs, opens the doors to the hallway. King walks holding his stomach. There is laughter in the living room, everyone is choking, saying: “This is a treat, in English!” There was a terrible noise in the hallway, as if someone were kicking the floor. They shout: “It won’t let me in, the door is on a hook!” King is taken upstairs to another place. The father scolds Kosoy: “Why did you lock yourself in, you swindler?” - “Well, there’s no urine!” - says Kosoy, pale and unlike himself. Entaltsev runs, sways: “He cuts with knives!” - shouts in the entryway: “Are you poisoned, God forbid?” - they say around: “They ate with fire!” - “No, it’s not from the fire, but... this peak-peak... he ate so much! And our master tried it out... sleep on it.”
The waiters take Kosoy to the workshop: they say he has completely gone crazy. Is it cholera? They say three people died on Khitrovoy yesterday. They take King, the green one, and put him on the sofa in the dining room. He asks for a drink. They say: “Don’t give him raw water, give him vodka with salt.” They take Entaltsev and lay him down on pillows on the floor. They give Dr. Inozemtsev's drops. Both grunt and moan. They sent for Doctor Klin, Erast Erastych. The father is confused: three more are unwell. Klin is in the city hospital, nearby. He comes, examines, orders emetic and more milk, a compress... It’s possible that they were poisoned, he says.
The guests are slowly leaving. Klin orders to call the cook Garanka, but Garanka is without his hind legs. The carpenters rub his ears and bring him to his senses. He bellows and bellows: “Move-lo-lived... wild honey... three sticks...” This is that one, in the “peak-peak.” Maryushka comes from the kitchen and shouts: “What is it, he’s a robber... the castor oil stood in the corner, the master’s riding boots should be greased, he put it in the sauce, out of mischief, the cooks said!” Klin says: “Well, it’s nothing, it’s just useful... and with pepper, so it had a quick effect.” He tells me to show you the sauce. Frightened Firsanov reports: “Vasil Vasilich licked everything that happened, he really liked it.”
There was a lot of laughter! That’s what everyone said afterward, as the proverb goes: “Look, don’t eat too much, the Kings wouldn’t happen.” The next morning they ask Garanka, but he doesn’t remember. “What am I, an enemy, or what, to myself! It was the old woman who played a dirty trick on me out of anger, poured it in!” They asked the cooks, but they were frightened, they swore - they didn’t see anything, and the old woman came around when Gerasim Semyonitch was away. They ask Maryushka, and even if she takes down icons, she swears by all the saints: “What am I, some kind of infidel, or what? To poison people?”
So we didn’t find out anything.
Ivan Sergeevich Shmelev - AN UNBEATABLE LUNCH, read the text
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