Love does not always last forever and is not always mutual. It happens that feelings pass or do not appear at all. But girls are compassionate creatures, so they often think: I don’t love a guy, but I’m dating him. What to do?
Indeed, what is the best thing to do in such a situation in order to get by with little bloodshed?
It’s worth noting right away that it’s better not to start a relationship built on pity at all. Of course, it hurts to look at a person who is sincerely dying for you, and you cannot give him anything in return. But still, it’s better to just let him go right away.
Of course, he will be in a lot of pain and bad, but believe me, then everything will get even worse. Cases when a girl ends up falling in love are the exception to the rule. Often, the unloved one simply begins to irritate her, scandals, betrayals and separation occur, after which the guy is sure that all women are bitches who simply do not deserve good attitude. Do you really want yours to be initially good deed turned around like that.
But if you have already made a similar mistake, you need to do something about it immediately. Understand that the man you are with is confident that he can and will conquer you. He does everything possible and impossible, not realizing that you won’t be nice by force. After breaking up, he will most likely remember with bitterness how much material and mental resources he spent on you. It’s not even worth being offended for this, because it is very painful and, in its own way, mean when a person is given hope for something that is obviously impossible.
So, you say: I don’t love a guy, but I’m dating. What to do? We need to end this relationship. And as soon as possible. If a man loves you very much, he may even go so far as to propose marriage. And then the real tragedy will really break out.
Of course, this person is no longer a stranger to you, you are used to him and, perhaps, some part of you does not want to let him go. Don't be selfish. Sooner or later you will meet true love and you will leave him without hesitation, humiliating and trampling his manhood. Therefore, think about it and try to solve everything calmly and democratically.
Do not disappear under any circumstances, do not break up over the phone, and do not provoke a quarrel. A person must understand the real reason, and not come up with excuses and look for an opportunity to make peace. Therefore, we need to talk calmly. The conversation, naturally, should take place face-to-face. Never turn a breakup into a public performance. This will insult the young man and humiliate him. You should try to explain the whole situation to him, tell him about your feelings for him. There is no need to say cliches like: “it’s not about you, it’s about me,” “it just happened this way,” “learn to live without me, it will be better.” It’s better to say what you really feel and how you see this situation. The real truth is always better than a beautiful lie. Of course, it will be very painful for him, but at least there will be a feeling that you at least respect his person.
After this conversation, let the guy clearly and clearly understand that there will be no resumption of the relationship, no matter what he does. Ignore his requests, and perhaps even his tears. It's painful and very difficult, but it really will be better.
If he starts writing, calling and looking for meetings, ignore and avoid him. Over time, the young man will understand everything and calm down. Believe me, someday he will be grateful to you for this act. After all, there’s nothing more pity than a guy about whom his girlfriend thinks: “I don’t love the guy, but I’m dating...”. And constantly asks the question: “What to do?”
But there are also relationships without love on the part of the girl, when a man holds her by force. Unfortunately, there are guys who, due to their weakness and complexes, use women’s fear and their strength. Such a man, who, however, cannot be called a man, uses his superiority.
If a guy constantly threatens you, intimidates you, or even hits you, no amount of talking will help. Such people are psychologically unbalanced. They can only be stopped by force and humiliation. If you realize that you can’t cope on your own, be sure to ask for help. Some women are ashamed to admit that they are living with or dating a monster. This behavior is great stupidity. True friends and family will never judge. On the contrary, they will do everything to help you.
If a young man threatens that he simply won’t let you go, you should try to talk to him in the presence of your dad, brother or friends. Believe me, for such imbeciles, male power- the most compelling argument. He simply will not dare to intimidate and object if your close men clearly explain to him what will happen to him if even a hair falls from your head. Remember that such guys are actually very weak and unsure of themselves. He keeps you only because he is sure that no one else needs him. Such a male representative is only able to raise his hand against a woman, because she is weaker and cannot fight back. In front of real men, they always tuck their tail between their legs and agree with everything they are told.
You shouldn’t torture yourself and continue to live next to such a person. And even more so, never feel sorry for him. It is his own fault that he is such a weakling, and you are not to blame for anything. Even if he asks for forgiveness after arguments and beatings, even if he gives flowers and gifts - run away. Every year, the situation will get worse and worse. It's better to stop everything before he becomes your husband and children appear. Then everything will really become complicated and the child will also suffer from his cruelty.
Love is a mutual, bright and joyful feeling. If you cannot call what is happening between you and your boyfriend any of these designations, then there is simply no point in such a relationship. Every person deserves to be happy, so it is worth considering whether such a relationship can bring happiness. Unfortunately, this is not possible. Therefore, you should never be with someone out of pity, sympathy, and even more so out of fear. So draw your own conclusions and get started. new life, in which relationships will be built precisely on love.
Author: Cook Anna
Irina: Hello! Help please. I’ve been dating a guy for half a year, my youngest by 3 years. At first everything was fine. There was a lot of passion, attention, love. Now he doesn't tell me what he loves. We practically live together. These kinds of questions irritate him. He says that when he stops loving him, he will tell you. And recently he said that we have no passion and he doesn’t know these feelings that he feels for me are called love. I had a serious conversation with him, I decided to break up, he doesn’t want to break up, he says that I am dear to him and he definitely can’t live without this relationship. He also said that he wanted to go on vacation with the guys to the lake without the girls at 3 pm. What should I do???
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- I'm only fifteen and I'm really worried about my boyfriend
- I've been living with my boyfriend for three years, he doesn't say he loves me
- My boyfriend talks to someone else, but says he loves me
- I want my boyfriend to listen to me
- Mass hysteria, panic - a state of general nervousness
Natalya: Irina, what you described looks like passion, excitement, flirting, desire, but not love. Love is not only physiological arousal, it is general views for life, it is communication, mutual understanding and mutual feelings. Therefore, six months is the period when the peak of passion passes and both of you can now build relationships with real person, and not your own fantasy about him. This is the advantage of this situation. His desire to go with friends is quite normal. After getting close to a human woman, there should be a need to withdraw emotionally. Sometimes it’s real. In order to mind your own business, it’s not just you in his world. There are his parents, friends, studies or work, football. It should be the same for you. And when you are with your loved one, you are sincerely happy, but when he is not around, you can pay attention to others in your world. If you can’t do this, think about what you want? Get stuck in a relationship, become the whole world for him? It all depends on the relationship you want. And the guy offers you another - acceptable option.
We have been dating a young man for more than two years, I am 4 years older than him. We suit each other, and I love him very much, truly. He honestly says that he doesn’t love me, but he treats me very well, not in words, but in reality. He doesn’t ask me to get married, but about children he says that he wants, but when he is more financially prosperous, i.e. in the next two years I may not even talk to him about it. I don’t terrorize him by talking about marriage and kids, I just don’t like violence. And he also “looks back” at his mother’s opinion about the fact that I am old for him. Please tell me how you would build your relationship with this person if you were in my place? Thanks a lot for the advice! Let it even be rude and boorish.
Olesya,
Moscow, 31 years old
02.06.06
Our experts' opinions
Alena
Olesya, if I were you, I wouldn’t even build a relationship with a person who openly says that he doesn’t love me. You can respect and treat friends, colleagues, bosses, and the president well. But personally, for complete happiness, I need to know that I am LOVED. The common expression that in every couple one of the two loves, and the other allows himself to be loved, was invented by those who simply have not experienced mutual love. It’s easier for them to think that lack of reciprocity is the norm. The only problem is that someone who has allowed himself to be loved may one day fall in love himself, and not with someone who is “allowed” to love him. And then the one who loved is left to suffer alone. I say this to mean that you have every chance of remaining alone, because your man may one day meet a woman who will give him not only a feeling of respect, and he will understand the difference between “I love you” and “I treat you well”, he will want to live with this woman, not in two years, but now, you will want to have children from her not someday, but start working on this process as soon as possible. What will you do then? Let's face it: he doesn't love you, doesn't ask you to marry you, doesn't want to hear about plans for a future together, much less about having children together, and even to his parents you seem too old for their beloved son. My dear, are you sure that you are soberly assessing the situation? Are you sure that he is not just one of those who sticks to independent, more mature women and lives at their expense, without burdening himself with anything? Think for yourself: when he leaves you, you won’t even have the right to be offended by him - after all, he didn’t promise you anything, didn’t even say that he loved you! So, if he leaves you, it will be your own fault that you stuck to him and kept waiting, don’t understand what. It’s a pity that you didn’t write whether there are sexual relations. Probably, this is still extreme in bed: “My beloved! – My dear!” You know, something is not quite right here. Not at all like that... In any case, in the situation you described, I see only a blind fool in love who feeds on groundless hopes for some prospects life together with a suspicious young man who, for some reason of his own, is in no hurry to disappoint her in these prospects. Olesya, how about going to a good psychotherapist?
Sergey
You know, he loves - he doesn’t love, these are just words. If you've been dating for two years, that means something. It is quite possible that your boyfriend is from the category of people who do not know the concept of “love”. It’s just that the person’s character is such that a person cannot love. Affection - yes. Respect please. But no more. If he is one of those, then waiting for him to confess his love is like Manna from Heaven. In general, it seems to me that you should talk to him about living together. Not to date, but to live together. Just then it will become clear what is happening between you. In my opinion, if people regularly have sex with the same partner, then they should strive to live together. At least for a while, just out of a sense of comfort. Don’t run across the city on dates, but come to the same place every day. Or am I wrong? If he doesn’t go anywhere, a bed, coffee, and then home to his mother, then I would think about the advisability further relations. Just think about it, well, you will meet in another 6-7 years, so what? Are you sure he will still want children with you? And anyway, you're not getting any younger. And the age difference is 4 years, it is only noticeable after 40. Yours young man 27 years old right? As far as I can remember at that age, I was firmly convinced that a woman should not be older than a man. And when I met couples in which this was not the case, I always felt embarrassed for the male half. It’s clear that this is all nonsense, but honestly, that’s how it happened. So, the mother’s opinion may not be decisive. Besides my mother, there are other friends and girlfriends. Are you sure that they are not whispering among themselves, like, why does he need this old woman? Couldn’t he find a “normal” one? He himself may want to build a normal family with you, but such conversations and opinions very often do not allow him to do this. And where is the guarantee that he will be able to overcome himself in 5-6 years? By the way, of all the novels of this type that I personally observed, only one developed into a family. The rest ended exactly the same. A young man, by chance, or in the company of specially arranged friends, meets a girl who is younger and suits everyone, disappears for a while, doesn’t call, doesn’t come, then a lonely call, with the phrase “Sorry, we’d better leave,” or simply disappears and All. That's it, in general. In any case, I wish you good luck and wisdom.