Have you ever wanted to be stronger? Be able to protect yourself when it really mattered? And say what you think? Well, now you have this opportunity. You can become the tough girl you've always wanted to be if you follow simple tips from this article.
Steps
Tough girl mindset
- Make a list of things you like about yourself. Write down your strengths, achievements. Turn blank slate paper horizontally and either fold it into thirds or draw two lines to make three columns. In the first column, write at least five things you like about yourself, in the second column, five things you think you are good at, and in the third column, five accomplishments that you are proud of. Maybe you think you have a charming smile? Or do you know how to cheer someone up when they are sad? Are you proud of the night you spent several hours distributing food to homeless people? Write down everything that comes to your mind. Re-read these lists as often as possible to remind yourself of your accomplishments.
- Try to think good things about yourself. Highlight the qualities that you like about yourself (they can be taken from the list discussed above) and think about them more often. You can also take bad thoughts and phrase them differently. Instead of “I hate my appearance,” tell yourself this: “I have very beautiful eyes.”
- Dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable. If you feel like your wardrobe doesn't reflect your personality or is frustrating you, find pieces that make you feel good. If you have a favorite blouse, look for similar items. Choose clothes that highlight the features of your figure that you like about yourself. If you have beautiful legs, wear shorts or dresses that allow you to show them off. The second part of this article will talk about how to update your wardrobe so that it reflects your new inner state.
- Exercise regularly. Walk or run daily. Start playing a sport or join a group class that you enjoy. Not only will this boost your self-esteem, but it will also make you feel cooler as your muscles get stronger.
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Stop worrying about what others think of you. Cool girls do not think about other people's opinions, because they remember the most important thing: what another person thinks about you does not reflect reality in any way. Strong girls They do not measure their own worth by the opinions of other people. When you stop paying so much attention to what others think, you will have a special power and you will become cooler.
Don't take everything to heart. When you learn to not take things personally, you will be better able to deal with rejection and criticism. Most people who don't feel cool can't handle it difficult situations. Being a tough person means being able to survive these situations. If you find yourself in a confrontational situation, remain calm. Don't let the problem get you down. Act as if your opponent is simply wasting your valuable time.
Learn to control your emotions. Being cool doesn't mean looking angry and having bulging muscles. This means being able to cope with whatever happens. Develop the ability to remain calm and not let other people disturb it. You can act like a tough girl all day, but if you get upset easily, your entire behavior will be seen as just a mask.
Surround yourself with cool friends. If you want to become stronger, you will need to connect with people who can support you and give advice if you need it. You can learn something from these people by listening to them and observing how they behave in difficult situations.
Maintain a healthy relationship with your partner. People often show their harshness in close relationships. Typically, one person occupies a dominant position. It is important to ensure that the relationship develops in a way that is comfortable for both.
- Watch how you behave around your partner. Do you try to please him in everything - in choosing hobbies, movies to watch, in food? If so, you should pull yourself together and take a more proactive approach.
- To become tougher in a relationship, you should first declare what you like. If you prefer burgers to sushi, say so. If you want to watch a romantic comedy rather than a thriller, suggest that your partner watch a movie that suits his tastes one day and one that suits yours the next. In a healthy relationship there is always balance. Both of you should be able to do what interests you.
- If you argue about something, don't shout just to state your position. Tell your partner that you understand how they feel and what their opinion is, and then communicate your feelings and needs. Express your opinions openly and don't apologize for them.
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Review your wardrobe. If your wardrobe mainly consists of floral clothes and brightly colored pieces, you'll need to work on it.
- Black should be the main color. Try wearing either all-black clothes, or creating combinations where black is the main color. Wear jeans with holes and things with skulls or crossbones.
- Buy ripped jeans and a couple of skull and crossbones pieces.
- Buy leather jacket and good leather boots if you don't already have them.
- Start wearing tough girl accessories. They will allow you to complete your look and highlight your daring personality. appearance. You can wear spikes on bracelets, rings, or clothing (for example, on the collar of a blouse or on the sleeves of a jacket). You can also buy jewelry with skulls and crossbones. Buy dark ones sunglasses to enhance the coolness of the image. If your eyes are not visible, you will seem more mysterious and inaccessible.
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Take care of your hair. They look sharpest short hair hedgehog and mohawks (real or imitation). You can shave your entire head or one side, or ask your barber to add neon pink or burgundy stripes to your hair.
Use cosmetics. Choose dark lipstick in a bright shade, dark eye shadow and thick eyelashes. Rich colors They will make your image more noticeable and let others know that you are not to be trifled with.
Be true to yourself. If you want to become tougher, you will first need to accept yourself for who you are. If you prefer to linger in books rather than watch TV, so be it. If everyone thinks something is funny and you don't, what's wrong with that? If you try to become someone you are not, you will only show weakness and lack of self-confidence. People will notice, and you definitely won't look as cool if you get caught doing it.
Work on your self-esteem. This point follows from the first. If you have accepted your identity, you already have the basis for strengthening your self-esteem. How does this relate to the desire to become stronger? Directly. If you are confident and happy with yourself, you will be able to handle any difficult situation with ease. You will be confident in your beliefs and decisions. You won't be afraid to let others know about it. Below are some ways to strengthen your self-esteem.
Behavior
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Be convincing. Persuasiveness is the basis of your new behavior. If you want people to take you seriously and think you're cool, you have to learn to be persuasive.
- There are two ways to show confidence - through behavior and gestures and through words.
- Look the person in the eye, keep your back straight and don't turn away.
- Stay calm and speak firmly. Everything you say should be straightforward and honest. Express your opinion without unnecessary hesitation or apology.
- To make your speech sound sharper, start with the words “listen.” Speak clearly and to the point. At the end, ask again: “Do you understand what I’m talking about?” and wait for a response.
- Choose your friends wisely. Make friends with people who have their own opinions, but are also willing to support you.
- Don't give up all your girly hobbies just because you've become tough. If you like to knit, knit. If you love ballet, do it!
- If you look like a little girl or are very feminine, don't change. You can be true to yourself and tough at the same time.
- It's important to remember that you are tough, not mean. Intimidating people will not demonstrate your strength - it will only show your inner weakness. And if someone starts bullying you, it's better to leave. This will let everyone know that you are stronger than the people who bully you.
- At least one element in your look should be casual. This could be unstyled hair, lack of makeup, unkempt nails with peeling varnish. Your appearance should speak for itself - you don't care what others think of you.
- You can remain the same as you are now, but gain the ability to protect yourself. Don't dress in a way that scares others away.
Talk little. Cool girls choose their words carefully and only speak when necessary. When they are silent, they seem mysterious. People are afraid of the mysterious. How to communicate with others without words? React with gestures (such as turning your head or grinning).
Warnings
- Don't be a bully. Hooliganism and toughness are not the same thing.
- Skipping school, drinking alcohol and smoking will not make you stronger and tougher. Don't be friends with people who are prone to these activities.
- People may try to bully you, but remember that it's always better to just walk away.
“Living means: constantly throwing away from yourself that which wants to die; to live means to be cruel and merciless to everything that becomes weak and old in us, and not only in us.” Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Kindness, generosity, politeness and courtesy are what we were taught from childhood. But if you are kind to everyone, you will be considered soft-hearted and weak-willed. Modern world requires tempering of character and showing of fangs when required.
Why should you be tougher?
Rigidity will allow you to defend your interests, principles and opinions. This is more important than it seems at first glance. By defending your interests, you ensure best conditions in this situation. You don't miss your opportunities and chances.
You will achieve your goal faster if you are tougher. Kind people often give way to others, allowing them to take their places and even take away what was rightfully yours. A tougher line of behavior allows you to wipe out your opponents yourself and achieve what you want.
How to look tougher?
If you want to change, you need to start with your appearance and demeanor. Strong and cruel people are easy to distinguish in a crowd. Their behavior and body language give them away. They look straight into the eyes and do not look away cowardly. They don't slouch or look stiff. Strong man behaves calmly, evenly and self-possessed. His voice is firm, loud and calm.
How to become tougher in character?
Start changing gradually. Start standing up for your interests at work and in life. Refuse people who try to shift their work to you. Say no to people who use and try to ride on your neck.
Don't agree to help people right away, it may tie you up with obligations that you don't need. Say that you will give an answer later, when you have thought about it thoroughly. This will prevent you from rashly grabbing yourself unnecessary problems without advising analysis. Don't become a victim and hostage to other people's problems. Focus on improving your life, not someone else's.
Be tougher and bolder in life. Defend your rights and interests. Don't be silent and don't be inactive. This is your life and no one will take care of you. Why do people who come from the countryside often achieve more than those from the city? They are tougher, rude and even arrogant at times. Go and take yours, and cowardly chew snot and don’t stand on the sidelines. In life, you have to push other people with your elbows if you want to achieve your goal, and not envy the winners. Only strong people achieve their goals and achieve their dreams.
Sport helps you become more confident, stronger and tougher. A strong body increases confidence, stamina and grit by new level. With the growth of physical strength, internal confidence is calculated.
As one hero of the film “Rock and Rolla Man” from director Guy Ritchie said: “No, I have no inclination towards cruelty, but sometimes nothing works out without it.”
It is impossible to become tougher in one day, but it is quite possible in a few months. Get out of your comfort zone, fight back against bullies, take yours and win girls. Be tougher in character and achieve victories, otherwise there’s no other way...
How to become tougher? Being good children, we learn the basics of behavior in society from our baby teeth - not to be rude to elders, listen to authorities, give in, make compromises.
And also share toys, be more tactful and not offend anyone.
If at two years old a stubborn little one does not want to part with his new car just because Petya also wants to play with it, then by the age of twenty-five everything changes.
Now the grown-up little one is already dejectedly giving his wife his salary, shouldering a pile of other people’s accounts, lending money to friends of friends, allowing a distant relative to “roll over” on his sofa. And he only dreams of becoming tougher in character.
Many parents raising disobedient children also often ask the question “How to become tougher?” They feel like they have spoiled their kids too much and want to get back on the right path.
But here there is danger:you can confuse toughness and cruelty. And then, instead of a “silk” child, you will get an offended and vindictive one.
Motivate yourself to be tough when it matters. Convince yourself that your inflexibility and your definition of clear boundaries of behavior are important for the child himself. Punishments must be moderate and adequate. 
Play in the house the role of a policeman who will speak politely and assign a fine for a crime, and not a tyrant and despot who will deprive all cartoons for a week.
How to determine the line between harshness and cruelty? Catch yourself in the moment when you punish another: how do you feel? Joy, satisfaction? Or do you want to hug a person and calm them down, but don’t give yourself the freedom?
Truly tough people always have good self-control, don’t get hysterical, don’t scream and never get pleasure from their harshness. This is a necessary measure.
The path to toughness
Do you want to become a “tough nut to crack”? Be consistent. Start with the main thing:stop changing your mind and decision to please others.
A child asked you for a toy, you refused, and then he began to manipulate you. Cry, make sad eyes like Puss in Boots, lie on the asphalt... And you gave in - once, twice. And in his eyes you are now not an authority, but someone very soft and obedient, harmless.
The same thing happens in conversations with bosses, colleagues, parents and friends. All people dream of breaking others and make them do it their way. Which side are you on: with those who follow their own path, or with those who fulfill other people's desires?
Remember the rule
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"They said no"?Banned,refused?Now it's your way,don't leave him".
Why get tougher? To be happier. To be able to say “no” to your parents who force you into the mathematics department. To convince your boss that it's not your turn to be on duty on Christmas Day. To firmly inform your spouse that you will spend your salary on a new oven, and not on his car gadgets.
You'll have to. People with obvious low self-esteem often suffer from softness. Those who do not particularly believe in their right to happiness, choice, freedom and resistance.
Rule two:
"Remember,that friendship cannot be earned by pliability and pliability".
Let's remember school. Everyone is cheating from you homework, and for a minute it seems to you that now you are the navel of the Earth, the hero of the day and everyone will want to be friends with you. But the bell rings and they forget about you. And they will remember only when it’s time for the test.
It is important to realize the humiliating place a gentle person occupies in today's aggressive society. Weak-willed people are taken advantage of, and the goals of others are always selfish.
You won’t be thanked for rewriting someone else’s coursework, doing a shift for a colleague, or giving someone else’s father-in-law a ride to the airport...
Reliable man – like a free soda machine. No one will even think of giving him money, no one will rush to hug him.
Rule three:
“Define your boundaries of what is possible and what is impossible”.
It’s also not worth being an absolute “beech.” Sometimes friends really need help, parents need advice, children need love and support. When you try to become tougher, you risk getting carried away and starting to refuse everyone indiscriminately.
Therefore, take a piece of paper and carefully write down on it everything that you no longer want to do for other people. For example, “I will never lend money to my wife’s brother”, “I will not lend my notes to Kolya”, “I will not take on five extra working hours for a “thank you”...
In another column, outline possible, pleasant and right things for yourself - helping parents with repairs, homework with children, and the like.
If you are asked a question directly, but it is not on your list, ask for time to think. Weigh, brain, and then with refuse with a clear conscience.
How to identify wrong actions? Usually after them you feel bad, blame yourself for being weak-willed, and don’t feel happy. You are disappointed and realize that you have stepped on the same rake again: you have been used.
After doing the right thing, you are inspired and happy that you were able to be useful.
Since it is impossible to be good to everyone, do not be afraid of not liking someone. The main thing is that you love yourself.
Rigidity and cruelty: different or the same thing?
Any person should have toughness. It is important to be able to highlight it and manifest it. However, there is a main problem - the inability to distinguish rigidity of character from cruelty in behavior and, most often, in upbringing. Often, many parents abuse their children, considering this to be proper harsh upbringing. However, “keeping within limits” and beating a child are two different things. The same applies to pets, which often die from cruel people. So the most difficult thing about becoming tougher is not to step over this line towards cruelty; unfortunately, this line is very thin, sometimes it is equal to the line between hatred and love.
Cruel behavior is characterized by receiving pleasure from your actions, if you punish someone with physical force and get pleasure from it, enjoy both the process and the result (even if you can later repent of what you did), then this is cruelty. This highlights your overt or covert ruthlessness towards others.
Rigidity is a harsh attitude towards others, perhaps harshness. For example, when parents scold their children, raise their voices at them, “reprimand” them for grades, etc. Inside a tough person there is still a parent who wants to come up and hug the guilty person, but he controls himself. Despite the apparent severity, feelings are boiling inside, and a tough person will not use brute force. At the same time, toughness is necessary so that you are listened to and your opinion is taken into account, so that you are not insulted or offended, so that you can keep the line in relationships without crossing a personal line.
How to become a tough person?
So, now that we have figured out what a cruel and tough person is, all that remains is to figure out how to become tougher. It's not that difficult, first develop your self-confidence. First of all, of course, you will need self-confidence, but some self-confidence will not be superfluous; on the contrary, it will help you to be visible to your superiors on the way to promotion. If you are treated as a forgiving person, then you will not be seen as self-confident, and with it you will become tougher.
It is important to focus on your decision. For example, if you have made a decision, you cannot change it because you are persuaded or “bribed.” Remember the rule that the word “no” only means “no,” and not “maybe” or “I’ll think about it.” Even if you want to let your child go for a walk, although he is under house arrest, or you want to let your colleague go early, covering him with your back, hold back and say that you have already made your decision. The child must stay at home because... he is punished, for example, and the employee must work his shift, and not “hang” everything on you. This will not only make you a more integrated and tough person, but will also help others understand that your decision and opinion remains the main one.
Make your own rules. What do you dislike most? Let those around you understand what you can agree to and what you will never agree to. Thanks to this, you will avoid many constant requests to leave work, tardiness, absenteeism and other shortcomings of your subordinates. This will also help in personal and family life, which will make your life easier. Adopt your rules of not lying, you can leave something unsaid, but if you are asked a direct question, you must answer everything as it is.
There is one big injustice in life: good guys are almost always unlucky. A nice girls they choose some shitheads who don’t care about them. This is the so-called "Nice Guy Syndrome". Which proves that it is bad to be good, and it is good to be bad.
There's nothing wrong with being good. But the better you behave with others, the more careless they behave with you. This is especially true for girls. So you need to gather your willpower and show that you value yourself.
What to do:
Understand what “good” guys look like.
- They believe that if they are good and caring, they will definitely be happy, loved and desired.
- They agree to do things for the girls that they wouldn't normally do for someone else.
- They try to avoid conflicts by agreeing with the girl's opinion, even if they disagree with it.
- They try to help solve problems that worry the girl. Moreover, they offer a solution first.
- They seek the approval of others.
- They try to hide their own shortcomings and mistakes.
- They always try to do everything “right”.
- They analyze more than they feel.
- They think about themselves last.
- They are quite dependent on their girlfriend.
Stop agreeing with everyone and everything. This does not mean that you need to argue about every issue. This means that if someone hurts your point of view, you need to defend it. Moreover, it will be very interesting for you to see the reaction of people who discover that you can stand up for yourself.
Build a border. Don't let people disrespect you. Protect yourself. If someone uses your work, then the thief needs to be punished. You need to stop being kind.
Choose your pace. Be patient with yourself and others. At work, this means that you only need to do as much as is appreciated. And don’t drag a couple of lazy people along with you. And in a relationship, you shouldn’t get attached too quickly. It’s worth getting to know a person and understanding that he will love you too.
- If they give you more work than others, just because you make it better. This is a clear sign that you should ask for a raise. Because it is so customary in Russia that one works, and others ride on it. Stop putting up with this!
- When you meet a girl, you don't need to devote all your time to her. Spend time with friends and work colleagues. Do whatever you want and let the girl adapt to you. It's not rude, it's correct and boorish!
Remember that you don't need anyone to be happy. It's the girls who start having problems if they don't get married before a certain age. And as long as a man is successful and loves himself, he can always find a companion for one evening or for life. If it seems to you that you need a couple to be happy, then it only seems so to you. Do what you think is right, no matter what others think about it. All you need to be happy is self-respect.
Keep being good. You can be a good guy who can show others that his opinion should be taken into account. It's all about finding balance. If you can surround yourself with people who will respect you. You can be humble and strong at the same time.
- Just as you already know what you should be like, work on your self-esteem and courage.
- You need to distinguish between love and infatuation. There is no need to elevate a girl and put her on a pedestal. This will only create problems in the relationship.
- Start relaxing with friends and learn to communicate with girls. You need to understand the difference in communication between the girl you love and the one you want. Therein lies the great difference.
- Don't think that love is the highest value in the world. If you have no luck with girls, you should pay attention to other components of a successful man: money and power.
What you need to know
If you want to change overnight. You can't just change your behavior. Change your clothes, change your communication style. Let people know that you are different. Otherwise, you may not be understood. Find the line between a nice guy and a jerk. The world is not divided into black and white, there are always additional shades.