What to do when faced with a choice. Why is it so difficult to make the right choices in life?

14.10.2019

Every day we have to make dozens of decisions - to do this or that, agree or refuse.

And almost every time this is accompanied by doubts, worries and postponement of decision-making.

So how? accept correct solution and learn to make the right choice?

Here are 10 ways.

1 - Just make the decision that you like.

According to statistics, 7 decisions out of 10 managers of large companies turn out to be wrong. 40% of companies that were on the Fortune 500 list 20 years ago the best companies the world no longer exists.

Even the most successful and experienced people make mistakes very often.

So relax, make a decision and start taking action.

You need to understand that while you are thinking, you are standing still and wasting time.

You are not a sapper for whom any mistake is fatal.

Even if you make a mistake, you have a second, third, or as many attempts as you like. Plus, every time you do something, you gain knowledge, experience and begin to better understand how to do it right choice.

2 - Determine the price of your solution.

What happens if you do this or that and the choice turns out to be wrong? Write down the possible consequences and make a decision based on this. But you should know that a decision with minimal consequences often produces weak results.

For strategic tasks, it is a good idea to write down the possible consequences of your decision. With Canva, you can create an online decision tree that will help you visualize possible alternatives and make it easier to make the right decision. - https://www.canva.com/ru_ru/grafik/derevo-resheniy/

3 - Determine the best result - What decision will move you the most forward? Those who strive for more win in life. And those who are afraid to take risks are content ordinary life. Think, maybe sometimes it's worth taking a risk. Yes, you can lose more. But you can get more. And even if you fail, you can always return to another decision. So go for it. Success favors the brave.

4 - Ask your subconscious - most people try to make a decision based on logic. But its capabilities are limited by the amount of information that is in the mind.

Use your subconscious. In the evening, think about your problem and possible solutions. And before going to bed, ask yourself - Which solution should you choose?

And in the morning you will wake up with a clear understanding of what is worth doing.

All our experiences are stored in our subconscious. And we only get access to it in our dreams. Plus, the subconscious can connect to the unified information field of the universe. Remember, Mendeleev discovered his table in a dream.

So ask your subconscious a question and go to bed. You will learn more about this technique in this video.

5 - Do something- To make the right decision you need to have certain information. But where can I get it? Books, videos, articles are just theories. The information you need will only be given by practical experience, which can only be obtained by doing something.

If you are in doubt or choosing from several options, just do something in the direction of each option. And you will immediately understand which solution is best for you.

6 - Ask a more successful person - Such a person can help you in literally 5 minutes. He knows and can do more than you. Look for successful people around you. Sign up for training. Ask your question on a thematic forum or group. The only thing is that you don’t need to ask everyone. Listen only to those who have actually solved problems similar to yours and have real life experience overcoming them. But if there is no such person, then

7 - Introduce yourself super hero - Put yourself in the shoes of a person who is a symbol of confidence and success for you. And think about what solution he would choose.

Often, internal fears and doubts prevent you from making a decision. When you imagine yourself as a super hero, all this disappears and making a decision becomes much easier.

8 - Expand the number of options - Often people choose from 2-3 options. But there are many more possible solutions. Gather information, ask friends, think about other solutions. Such work will allow you to better understand the situation, expand your consciousness and allow you to choose the most informed decision.

9 - Let your brain sort everything out - Modern man decides a lot on the run, on emotions, in a time-poor mode.

But if you take a day of rest, calm down, stop thinking too much, then a lot becomes clearer and a decision is chosen by itself.

There is a good expression: morning is wiser than evening. So just disconnect from the problem, do something pleasant and make a decision with a fresh mind.

10 - Write down all the pros and cons and compare

Choose 2-3 options and write each on a separate sheet. And make a list of pros and cons. This clarifies a lot and it immediately becomes clear to you which solution is more beneficial for you.

That's all.

But remember, a decision is not a decision until you act on it.

To make it easier for you, here are 50 step-by-step instructions

We have stood at a crossroads so many times in our lives that it seems we should have already developed our own, accurate and win-win decision-making methodology. But no - no matter what choice we face, we still rush from corner to corner, doubt and don’t sleep at night - it’s hard to sleep when it depends on your “yes” or “no”. further development events. Of course, each case is unique, and it is quite difficult to give general recommendations to those who do not know what to choose, but we will try to help you understand the situation and yourself so that you can approach the decision-making process more calmly.

Get a job new job or not? Should you try your luck in another city or stay in your own? Buy new shoes or save money for a vacation? These and other questions torment us every day. Moreover, the subject of choice does not have to be serious and life-determining in order to fill all our thoughts. We can worry just as much about unimportant little things as we do about things on which our future depends. And, as a rule, we spend much more mental energy not on thinking about what choice to make, but on torment and torment about this. “Oh, if only I knew what this or that decision of mine would entail,” you think doomedly, because you understand that you are not allowed to lift the veil of secrecy about the future. And you begin to worry even more, fearing that by saying “yes” where you should have said “no,” you will break it once and for all. own life: “What if I regret it? What if I don’t understand something now? Maybe my friends are right, who advise agreeing, and not me, who is inclined to refuse? And you begin to panic, you think that it would be better if this choice did not stand before you at all, if everything remained in its place and you would not worry so much...

Relax! In such a state, no person is capable of making a thoughtful and balanced decision, and all your further actions, rather, will be dictated by emotions and excitement, but not by common sense.

Inhale and exhale deeply several times, open the window slightly to let into the room Fresh air, which increasingly smells like the approaching spring, and get ready to follow our advice. Perhaps today you will give yourself an answer to the question tormenting you.

Be positive

First, free yourself from the fear of doing something wrong by telling yourself: “Whatever decision I make, it will be the right one in any case, since this is my path and my choice. I will be able to cope with all the difficulties that arise along this path. I will be happy because I can finally start acting instead of just thinking and doubting.” And believe me - all this is true, it will be so.

Learn Perspective

When making a choice, you should have as much information as possible about its subject. For example, you doubt whether to move to a metropolis for permanent residence. It might be worth staying in hometown? Try to find out the advantages and disadvantages of both options. Ask knowledgeable people the average level of salaries and rental prices in the city of your dreams, and also figure out whether you will spend more on moving than you can earn in the first months of living in a new place? Of course, long-term investments are good, but a smart businessman always considers the possible risks.

Of course, long-term investments are good, but a smart businessman always considers the possible risks.

Trust your intuition

This method contradicts the one we will talk about later, but as many people as there are, so many opinions, so choose (well, what is it, and here you have to choose!) what is closer to you. So, trust your intuition and ask yourself: “What decision will make me happy right now? What will make me feel confident and protected?” You'll see, the correct answer will come to mind. Then, of course, the mind will “rework” it, creating a bunch of doubts and the usual “what if”, but you will, as they say, feel in your heart where you are drawn more.

Cold calculation

Well, here there is no question of any intuition, everything is decided by dry facts, but perhaps this is what you - excited and excited - need right now. This method is probably familiar to you: you take a piece of paper, a pen and write down the pros and cons of each option, and then evaluate what is a serious drawback and what can be tolerated. The same goes for the benefits: some of them will significantly change your life in better side, and you wrote others just for show. Take a critical look at the resulting diagram and you will see full picture the situation. Sometimes only such cold calculation helps.

Take a piece of paper and a pen and write down the pros and cons of each option, and then evaluate what is a serious drawback and what can be tolerated.

Don't be afraid to make decisions that don't suit your family, friends and colleagues. If you feel that a particular choice will bring you more happiness than another that others are advocating, do as you see fit. You will have to live with this alone, and, in principle, you will also have to be disappointed (if this suddenly happens) alone. But you won’t blame others for pushing you to make the wrong decision. Only you are responsible for your life.

How to understand that you have made the right choice and that next to you is the man with whom you want to live a long and happy life life together. It seems like you're attracted to his green eyes, sense of humor, and talent for music, but what if that's not what really attracted you?

Our meetings are not accidental. And now I’m not talking about fate! Sigmund Freud also said: “We meet only those who already exist in our subconscious.” And it seems he was right. Let's find out what really stands behind our choice of man.

Childhood sensations

Most women pay attention only to the one who “falls” into their childhood traumas, and in relationships with others it seems to them that “there is no spark,” explains Natalya Morgunova, family psychologist. This occurs under the influence of libido, an unconscious construct that is formed before the age of 6. Libido depends on the expression of love in the family.

The relationship of parents to the child. Many of us have faced neglect and aggression from our dad or mom, and this is what, paradoxically, then excites and attracts us in a partner. The result is a neurotic, sometimes even painful relationship, although this does not mean that they are doomed to failure.

Unclosed Gestalt

Trying to complete in a relationship with one thing what we did not finish with others - be it parents or an ex - is a normal mechanism, reassures psychologist Natalya Morgunova. Another thing is that it doesn't work. You can complete the gestalt only with those who are involved in it: say what you did not express, ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself.

And if a personal meeting is impossible, a psychologist will help to work through the situation. Until then, we will have to repeat it like a mantra: a man from the past and a man from the present are different! We pay attention to those who “fall into” our childhood traumas. The rest seem boring.

Ancient instinct

Anxious women often rely on instinct and feel that they need protection, says the psychologist. “Being strong and independent, they still look for a “strong shoulder,” although the times when this was important for survival are long gone. Perhaps such girls once faced danger and since then believe that the fittest survive. In a crisis situation, an alpha male can really stand up for his woman, but when life gets better, it can be difficult with a brutal man.

Sober calculation

There is nothing wrong with such a selection criterion, says Natalya Morgunova, but only if the woman is fully aware: in relationships with financial wealthy man You will have to make certain sacrifices. The desire to see a person next to you who will be a support is quite natural; each of us simply perceives the concept of support in our own way. If a girl only cares material sphere, and her emotions seem to be “turned off”, perhaps once upon a time she associated love with something dangerous, traumatic.

List of requirements

In fact, choosing a man wisely, relying on reason, is a mature and healthy position. Spontaneous attraction awakens only for those who fall into “trauma”. So if you don't want to end up in a relationship based on... internal conflict, take a closer look at a person who, although not “catchy” at first sight, but corresponds to your rational ideas about a suitable partner. Sexual interest will come later"

How to understand that you have made the right choice

You can not only be yourself next to this person, you are pleased and happy that you are exactly like that. He doesn’t want to change anything in your character or appearance, and if you’ve been in a relationship for several years, you know about each other’s shortcomings, but accept them.
He inspires you to develop and expand your horizons, and, ideally, he manages to “charge” you to action by his example, and not by moralizing.
You always have something to talk about, and if you disagree with each other, this does not become a reason for resentment or irritation. By the way, it’s also nice to be silent together.
It’s good for you when he’s not around, but it’s better with him. And all because you do not depend on each other, do not perceive this relationship as the only source of happiness in life, but both are psychologically mature enough to appreciate every moment spent together.
You have a feeling of “you did everything right.” No, doubting your choice after quarrels or looking at a terrible mess in the kitchen (and he only cooked scrambled eggs!) is a common thing. But if the feeling of “something is wrong” visits every day, this is an alarming sign.
You want the same thing in life. Buy a house on the seashore or constantly move from place to place, have children or stay child-free, save free money for a future retirement or spend it all at once - whatever your decision on everything important issues, it must be general.

The inability to choose is fraught with the most unpredictable consequences. Anyone who has shifted this responsibility onto the shoulders of society, loved ones, anyone but himself, is doomed to suffer all his life and in any situation. Because he lives under the influence of those who manipulate him for their own benefit. Anyone who is not satisfied with this scenario must learn to choose, no matter how difficult or scary it may be, and anyone can learn this.

How to learn to make choices

Whatever goal you set for yourself, on the way to achieving it you cannot do without patience and confidence in a positive result. It is impossible to fulfill your plans when you don’t believe in yourself, constantly doubt and look for reasons why it won’t work out. It doesn’t matter whether you want to get rich or learn something, without faith nothing will happen.

Therefore, you decided to learn how to choose, do not let doubts undermine your confidence in success. Drive them away, brush them aside, be distracted by something, just don’t go deep into them and don’t try to analyze them. Otherwise, instead of directing all your strength to achieve results, you will again and again fight your own fears and insecurities.

To decrease Negative influence fears that prevent you from making decisions, train yourself to immediately analyze what you are afraid of, what makes you doubt the result. Maybe due to self-doubt, low self-esteem, constant criticism from parents, loved ones or others. If so, look for a way to eliminate such negative and clearly destructive influences.

Stop trying to be good for everyone, stop trying to earn someone’s recognition and approval. You deserve love simply because you are you with all your strengths and weaknesses. Love does not require sacrifices and does not accept them. So if you don’t like what you hear or see, speak up right away, don’t be silent, don’t try to be correct. Be yourself. Allow yourself to have your own opinion, different from the opinion of your elders, parents, partners, girlfriends and even society.

Learn to live in your own head, make your own mistakes, don’t be afraid to try, fall, get burned and endure pain and suffering. Accept the fact that this is how the world and man work, that he is forced to endure, and worry, and wait, and despair, and rejoice, and believe, and hope, and fight, and argue until he is hoarse if he doesn’t like something.

Everyone has the right to have their own position on any issue and arguments to defend it. It is impossible to learn to choose when you limit yourself in everything and try to squeeze into the framework created by someone, no matter what good intentions their existence was not justified.

People are created to search, analyze, think, make decisions, carry them out and even abandon them. They have the right to be illogical, to change their opinion when they realize that it was wrong. Often a person wants to be stubborn and stand his ground, simply because he wanted to, and if this leads to problems and quarrels, then he will be responsible for his behavior and words. But this will be his decision and his choice, and not someone else.

It is impossible to live without stumbling, without making a mistake, without trying to do it your own way, either getting a good result or a bad one. Without mistakes and trials, you cannot know yourself, your place in this world, or how you want to live your life.

Allow yourself to be wrong, bad, good, different, unpredictable and spontaneous. Stop thinking that your life is less valuable than your parents, loved ones, children or society. You are just as important as they are. Everyone has their own life, their own path.

You are responsible for yourself, and you are the one who pays or receives dividends for the decisions you make, not someone else. So it’s better to make decisions on your own, so that later you know exactly what not to do or what to do for you. Not for them, but for yourself, learn to choose.

Yes, it is often easier to shift responsibility for failure onto someone else, which is why people often listen to others. But this not only makes life easier in some ways, but also impoverishes it. Because the decision you made could have been much better.

In the end, we are all not eternal: parents leave, loved ones too, power and social foundations change, and throughout your life there will be no one nearby who always holds your hand and tells you what to do. Think about this, and then it will become much easier to take responsibility for your own life. Otherwise, you risk failure when the time comes and you have to make decisions yourself, and you still won’t know how to act in a given situation in the best way for yourself.

How to choose correctly

The ability to make choices is often destroyed in childhood by overly caring parents who, because of their own psychological problems and excessive anxiety, they tried to control everything their child did. But instead of helping, they did him a disservice, since their fear of letting their child out of control led to the fact that as an adult, he never learned to care and think about himself. Many people do not know how best to act, what to do; they cannot make a decision without advice and moral support, much less bear responsibility for it. Deep down in their souls, they remained children with a lot of complexes, unsure of themselves, because their parents were not confident in them. They simply didn't trust them. Behind their imaginary care was hidden self-doubt, which they successfully instilled in their unfortunate child.
Therefore, adults have to learn to make decisions, starting with basic things. To begin with, it is important for them to get used to performing any actions without regard to those around them or what anyone will say. The purchase of clothing, accessories, the choice of recreation and entertainment, courses and education should take place without the participation of others. You no longer need to consult anyone, ask their opinion, or think for a long time. You need to do everything. Regardless of what the result is.

Difficult. So, think again about what you want: either change, or accept everything as it is and continue to live in someone else’s head further.
If you decide to change, be patient until you develop a stable habit of doing what you think is necessary and right, and not your husband, boyfriend, parents or children. Stop considering them higher and smarter than you. This is your life and only your voice is decisive, as in their life - theirs.

When you go shopping, don’t pick up the phone so you don’t suddenly call your friend or mom to ask for advice on what clothes to choose. Do not take anyone with you, do not touch the sellers. Choose for yourself. Let it be a bad choice, but it will be yours, and it will be bad in your opinion, not in the opinion of others. Don’t rush to show your new clothes to your mom or friends if they are used to constantly advising you on what to buy and what not to buy. Grit your teeth and be true to yourself. And whatever they say, answer, it’s your choice. And he suits you.
In general, it is very important to get rid of those who allow you to be constantly discussed, even in a seemingly friendly manner. No one has the moral right to tell you that you are doing something wrong when it does not harm anyone or create problems. People must look after their own lives, and intervene only when they are asked for help or are in danger.
Try not to ask others what is the best thing to do. Try it, make your own decisions. Let it be difficult, cause awkwardness and surprise among those who controlled your life just yesterday. But be stubborn and firm. They begin to convince you that you yourself cannot do anything, and in response you begin to say the same things about them, remembering all the mistakes that this person has made. And he will retreat.

In order to succeed in life, understand yourself and your true desires, find your own path and meet every day with joy, you must be able to choose. Any situation requires making a decision, even if it seems that this is not the case, we still make a choice - to do nothing. Therefore, any solution that can have an impact significant influence our fate must be accepted consciously, and then, regardless of the result obtained, you will learn to take responsibility and find the best solution to the task assigned to you. And this is a direct path to success.

Making choices can be difficult, especially when you are in a critical situation. It doesn't matter whether you need to choose a life partner, a career path or new car- you are probably afraid of making the wrong decision. Try to be thoughtful about this process so you can clear your mind and look at both options objectively. Then compare the pros and cons of each solution. Your gut feeling will help you make the right choice.

Steps

Be thoughtful about your decision-making process

Compare both options
1. Make a list of pros and cons for each option to see which is best for you. Write a list with two columns for each option: one with the pros and one with the cons. List the advantages and disadvantages of your choice of each option. When you're done, calculate which option has more "pros" and which choice will provide you with more benefits.
  - Quite often, even the process of making a pros and cons list helps you understand your feelings more clearly. You may find that you want to add more pros to one of the options so that you can make an informed choice in favor of that option.
  - You should not consider the situation of choice itself as something negative. When you give preference to one option or another, look at it on the positive side - you are making a great choice! This will help you understand what you are more in tune with.
2. List Negative consequences each choice to avoid mistakes. Make a list of possible unpleasant consequences for each option (short and long term). This is a great way to narrow it down. possible options if you have two good options, and you can't go wrong.
  - Consider any options that may be closed to you if you choose one of the options.
  - For example, if you live in Moscow and are planning to move to Rome, you will not have the opportunity to get an education at a local university, because you will be abroad.
3. Use your gut instinct to come up with a pros and cons list. Make a single list of all the benefits for both possible options. Then quickly look through the list and assign only one option to each item. Don't get hung up! Just trust your intuition. Then look through the resulting list again and think about which option will provide you with more benefits.
  - Perhaps both options can provide some benefits. But the purpose of this exercise is to decide which option will better help you achieve your goals and realize your dreams.
  - For example, suppose you are choosing between two options for where to spend your vacation. Perhaps visiting these places is on your list of things to do while you are alive. You can make a list of things you need to do in your life right from the lists where all the pros are listed. Taking a quick look at this list, you may find that one direction or option offers a more desirable life experience than another.
4. Use professional resources to objectively compare the two options. If you're deciding between two products, find a reliable customer review site (such as otzovik.com). The two options can be compared based on product performance, safety performance, and customer satisfaction with the product.
  - Review websites are a great way to get a clear picture of a product and prioritize the most important aspects that will influence your decision.
  - For example, if you are choosing between two child car seats and your priority is safety, you will be able to make a decision based on an objective comparison using this method.
5. Find out if you really only need to choose one of the two options. Consider whether you could do both by scheduling both activities into your schedule or alternating between them. Sometimes it may seem to us that two options contradict each other, but, in fact, it turns out that they can harmonize perfectly.
  - For example, you feel like you have to choose between violin lessons and playing soccer on a team, when in fact you could do both on different days.