- Call Natasha to the phone!
- Natasha is not here, what should I tell her?
- Give her five rubles!
The patient came to the doctor:
- Doctor, you advised me to count to 100,000 to fall asleep!
- Well, did you fall asleep?
- No, it’s already morning! Sent by Yana Sukhoverkhova from Estonia, Pärnu May 18, 2003
- Vasya! Doesn't it bother you that you're left-handed?
- No. Every person has their own shortcomings. For example, with what hand do you stir the tea?
- Right!
- Here you see! A normal people stir with a spoon!
A crazy person is walking down the street and dragging a thread behind him.
A passerby asks him:
- Why are you dragging a thread behind you?
What should I push forward?
- My neighbor was a vampire.
- How did you know this?
“And I drove an aspen stake into his chest, and he died.”
- Boy, why are you crying so bitterly?
- Because of rheumatism.
- What? So small and you already have rheumatism?
- No, I got a bad mark because I wrote “rhythmism” in the dictation!
- Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!
- And the day after tomorrow?
- Petya, why are you laughing? Personally, I don’t see anything funny!
- And you can’t even see: you sat on my jam sandwich!
— Petya, how many excellent students are there in your class?
- Not counting me, four.
- Are you an excellent student?
- No. That's what I said - not counting me!
Phone call in the staff room:
- Hello! Is this Anna Alekseevna? Tolik's mother says.
- Who? I can't hear well!
- Tolika! I spell it out: Tatyana, Oleg, Leonid, Ivan, Kirill, Andrey!
- What? And all the children are in my class?
During a drawing lesson, one student turns to his neighbor at his desk:
- You drew great! I've got an appetite!
- Appetite? From sunrise?
- Wow! And I thought you drew scrambled eggs!
During a singing lesson, the teacher said:
— Today we’ll talk about opera. Who knows what opera is?
Vovochka raised his hand:
- I know. This is when one person kills another in a duel, and the other sings for a long time before falling!
The teacher handed out notebooks after checking the dictation.
Vovochka approaches the teacher with her notebook and asks:
- Maria Ivanovna, I didn’t understand what you wrote below!
— I wrote: “Sidorov, write legibly!”
The teacher talked in class about great inventors. Then she asked the students:
-What would you like to invent?
One student said:
— I would invent such a machine: you press a button and all the lessons are ready!
- What a lazy person! - the teacher laughed.
Then Vovochka raised his hand and said:
“And I would come up with a device that would press this button!”
Vovochka answers in zoology class:
- The length of the crocodile from head to tail is 5 meters, and from tail to head - 7 meters...
“Think about what you’re saying,” the teacher interrupts Vovochka. - Is it possible?
“It happens,” Vovochka answers. - For example, from Monday to Wednesday - two days, and from Wednesday to Monday - five!
— Vovochka, what do you want to become when you grow up?
- An ornithologist.
- Is this the one who studies birds?
- Yeah. I want to cross a pigeon with a parrot.
- For what?
- What if suddenly the pigeon gets lost, so that it can ask the way home!
The teacher asks Vovochka:
—What are the last teeth a person develops?
“Artificial,” answered Vovochka.
Vovochka stops the car on the street:
- Uncle, take me to school!
- I'm going in the opposite direction.
- All the better!
“Dad,” says Vovochka, “I must tell you that tomorrow there will be a small meeting of students, parents and teachers at school.”
— What does “small” mean?
- It's just you, me and the homeroom teacher.
We wrote a dictation. When Alla Grigorievna was checking the notebooks, she turned to Antonov:
- Kolya, why are you so inattentive? I dictated: “The door creaked and opened.” What did you write? "The door creaked and fell off!"
And everyone laughed!
“Vorobiev,” said the teacher, “you didn’t do your homework again!” Why?
— Igor Ivanovich, we had no light yesterday.
- And what were you doing? Perhaps you watched TV?
- Yeah, in the dark...
And everyone laughed!
A young teacher complains to her friend:
“One of my students completely tormented me: he makes noise, misbehaves, disrupts lessons!
- But he has at least one thing positive quality?
- Unfortunately, there is - he doesn’t miss classes...
At the lesson German language We went through the topic "My Hobby". The teacher called Petya Grigoriev. He stood and was silent for a long time.
“I don’t hear the answer,” said Elena Alekseevna. — What is your hobby?
Then Petya said in German:
- Their bin briefmarke! (I am a postage stamp!)
And everyone laughed!
The lesson has begun. The teacher asked:
— Duty officer, who is absent from class?
Pimenov looked around and said:
— Mushkin is absent.
At this time, Mushkin’s head appeared in the doorway:
- I'm not absent, I'm here!
And everyone laughed!
It was a geometry lesson.
- Who solved the problem? - asked Igor Petrovich.
Vasya Rybin was the first to raise his hand.
“Great, Rybin,” the teacher praised, “Please, come to the board!”
Vasya came to the board and said importantly:
— Consider triangle ABCD!
And everyone laughed!
Why weren't you at school yesterday?
— My older brother got sick.
- What does that have to do with you?
- And I rode his bike!
- Petrov, why are you teaching so poorly? English language?
- What for?
- What do you mean why? After all, half the globe speaks this language!
- And isn’t this enough?
- Petya, if you met old man Hottabych, what wish would you ask him to fulfill?
— I would ask to make London the capital of France.
- Why?
- And yesterday I answered geography and got a bad mark!..
- Well done, Mitya. - says dad. — How did you manage to get an A in zoology?
- They asked me how many legs an ostrich has and I answered - three.
- Wait, but an ostrich has two legs!
- Yes, but all the others answered that there were four!
Petya was invited to visit. They tell him:
- Petya, take another piece of cake.
- Thank you, I have already eaten two pieces.
- Then eat a tangerine.
- Thank you, I have already eaten three tangerines.
“Then take some fruit with you.”
- Thank you, I already took it!
Cheburashka found a penny on the road. He comes to a store where they sell toys. He gives a penny to the saleswoman and says:
- Give me this toy, this one and this one!..
The saleswoman looks at him in surprise.
- Well, what are you waiting for? - says Cheburashka. - Give me the change and I'll go!
Vovochka and her dad are standing near a cage where a lion sits at the zoo.
“Dad,” says Vovochka, “and if a lion accidentally jumps out of the cage and eats you, which bus should I take home?”..
“Dad,” asks Vovochka, “why don’t you have a car?”
— There is no money for a car. Don't be lazy, study better, you will become good specialist and buy yourself a car.
- Dad, why were you lazy at school?
“Petya,” asks dad, “why are you limping?”
“I put my foot in the mousetrap and it pinched me.”
- Don't stick your nose where it shouldn't!
- Grandfather, what are you doing with this bottle? Do you want to install a boat in it?
“That’s exactly what I wanted at first.” Now I would be glad to just take my hand out of the bottle!
“Dad,” the daughter turns to her father, “our phone works badly!”
- Why did you decide that?
— Now I was talking to my friend and didn’t understand anything.
—Have you tried talking in turns?
“Mom,” Vovochka asked, “how much toothpaste is in the tube?”
- Don't know.
- And I know: from the sofa to the door!
- Dad, get on the phone! - Petya shouted to his father, who was shaving in front of the mirror.
When dad finished the conversation, Petya asked him:
- Dad, are you good at remembering faces?
- I think I remember. And what?
- The fact is that I accidentally broke your mirror...
— Dad, what is “telefiguration”?
- Don't know. Where did you read this?
- I didn’t read it, I wrote it!
- Natasha, why are you writing a letter to your grandmother so slowly?
- It’s okay: grandma reads slowly too!
- Anya, what have you done! You broke a vase that was two hundred years old!
- What happiness, mom! I thought it was completely new!
- Mom, what is etiquette?
- This is the ability to yawn with your mouth closed...
The art teacher says to Vovochka’s father:
— Your son has exceptional abilities. Yesterday he drew a fly on his desk, and I even knocked my hand away trying to get it away!
- What else is that! Recently he painted a crocodile in the bathroom, and I got so scared that I tried to jump out through the door, which was also painted on the wall.
Little Johnny says to his father:
- Dad, I decided to give you a gift for your birthday!
“The best gift for me,” said dad, “is if you study with straight A’s.”
- It's too late, dad, I already bought you a tie!
A little boy watches his dad at work as he paints the ceiling.
Mom says:
- Watch, Petya, and learn. And when you grow up, you will help your dad.
Petya is surprised:
- What, he won’t finish by then?
The hostess, hiring a new maid, asked her:
- Tell me, my dear, do you like parrots?
- Oh, don't worry, madam, I eat everything!
An auction is taking place in a pet store - talking parrots are on sale. One of the buyers who purchased a parrot asks the seller:
- Does he really speak well?
- Still would! After all, he was the one who kept increasing the price!
- Petya, what will you do if hooligans attack you?
- I’m not afraid of them - I know judo, karate, aikedo and others scary words!
- Hello! Animal defence community? There is a postman sitting on a tree in my yard and calling my poor dog all sorts of bad names!
Three bears return to their hut.
- Who touched my plate and ate my porridge?! - Papa Bear growled.
- Who touched my saucer and ate my porridge?! - the bear cub squeaked.
“Calm down,” said mother bear. - There was no porridge: I didn’t cook it today!
One man caught a cold and decided to treat himself with self-hypnosis. He stood in front of the mirror and began to inspire himself:
- I won’t sneeze, I won’t sneeze, I won’t sneeze... A-a-pchhi!!! This is not me, this is not me, this is not me...
- Mom, why does dad have so little hair on his head?
- The fact is that our dad thinks a lot.
“Then why do you have such voluminous hair?”
— Dad, today the teacher told us about an insect that lives only one day. That's great!
— Why “great”?
- Imagine, you can celebrate your birthday all your life!
One fisherman, a teacher by profession, caught a small catfish, admired it, and, throwing it back into the river, said:
- Go home and come back with your parents tomorrow!
A husband and wife came by car to visit. Leaving the car at the house, they tied the dog nearby and told it to guard the car. When they got ready to return home in the evening, they saw that all the wheels of the car had been removed. And there was a note attached to the car: “Don’t scold the dog, she was barking!”
One Englishman walked into a bar with a dog and told the visitors:
— I bet my talking dog will now read Hamlet’s monologue “To be or not to be!”
Alas, he immediately lost the bet. Because the dog didn't say a single word.
Coming out of the bar, the owner began shouting at the dog:
-Are you completely stupid?! I lost a thousand pounds because of you!
“You’re stupid,” the dog objected. - Don’t you understand that tomorrow in this same bar we can win ten times more!
“Your dog is strange—she sleeps all day.” How can she guard the house?
“It’s very simple: when someone stranger approaches the house, we wake her up and she starts barking.
The wolf is going to eat the hare. Hare says:
- Let's agree. I'll tell you three riddles. If you don't guess them, you'll let me go.
- Agree.
— A pair of black ones, shiny, with laces.
The wolf is silent.
- This is a pair of boots. Now the second riddle: four black, shiny ones, with laces.
The wolf is silent.
— Two pairs of shoes. The third riddle is the most difficult: it lives in a swamp, it is green, it croaks, it starts with “la” and ends with “gushka”.
The wolf shouts joyfully:
— Three pairs of shoes!!!
Bats hang on the ceiling. All, as expected, heads down, and one - head up. The mice hanging nearby chatter:
- Why is she hanging upside down?
- And she does yoga!
The crow found a large piece of cheese. Then a fox suddenly jumped out from behind the bushes and slapped the crow on the head. The cheese fell out, the fox immediately grabbed it and ran away.
The stunned crow says with offense:
- Wow, they shortened the fable!
The zoo director, out of breath, comes running to the police station:
- For God's sake, help, our elephant has run away!
“Calm down, citizen,” said the policeman. - We will find your elephant. Name the special signs!
An owl flies and shouts:
- Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!..
Suddenly he hit a pole:
- Wow!
A Japanese schoolboy enters a company store selling watches.
— Do you have a reliable alarm clock?
“It couldn’t be more reliable,” the seller answers. — First the siren goes on, then an artillery salvo is heard, and a glass is poured on your face cold water. If that doesn't work, the alarm clock rings the school and tells you that you have the flu!
Guide: - in front of you is a rare exhibit of our museum - a beautiful statue of a Greek warrior. Unfortunately, he is missing an arm and a leg, and his head is damaged in some places. The work is called "Winner".
Visitor: - Great! I'd like to see what's left of the vanquished one!
A foreign tourist arriving in Paris turns to a Frenchman:
“I come here for the fifth time, and I see that nothing has changed!”
- What should change? - he asks.
Tourist (points to the Eiffel Tower):
— In the end, did they find oil here or not?
One society lady asked Heine:
— What do you need to do to learn to speak French?
“It’s not difficult,” he answered, “just instead german words you need to use French.
In a history lesson in a French school:
—Who was the father of Louis the Sixteenth?
— Louis the Fifteenth.
- Fine. And Charles the Seventh?
— Charles the Sixth.
- And Francis the First? Well, what are you silent?
- Francis... Zero!
During a history lesson, the teacher said:
— Today we will repeat the old material. Natasha, ask Semenov a question.
Natasha thought and asked:
- What year was the war of 1812?
And everyone laughed.
The parents had no time, and Parent meeting Grandfather went. He came to bad mood and immediately began to scold his grandson:
- Disgrace! It turns out that your history is full of bad marks! For example, I always got straight A's in this subject!
“Of course,” the grandson answered, “at the time when you were studying, history was much shorter!”
Baba Yaga asks Koshchei the Immortal:
- How did you relax in new year holidays?
“I shot myself a couple of times, drowned myself three times, hanged myself once—in general, I had fun!”
Winnie the Pooh congratulated the donkey on his birthday, and then said:
- Eeyore, you must be many years old?
- Why do you say that?
“Judging by your ears, you’ve been pulled on them often!”
A client enters a photo studio and asks the receptionist:
— I wonder why everyone is laughing in your photographs?
- You should have seen our photographer!
-What are you complaining about? - the doctor asks the patient.
- You know, by the end of the day I just fall from fatigue.
- What do you do in the evenings?
— I play the violin.
- I recommend music lessons stop immediately!
When the patient left, the nurse asked the doctor in surprise:
- Ivan Petrovich, what does music lessons have to do with it?
- Absolutely nothing to do with it. It’s just that this woman lives on the floor above me, and our soundproofing is disgusting!
“Yesterday I pulled a pike weighing twenty kilograms out of an ice hole!”
- Can't be!
- That's it, I thought that no one would believe me, so I let her out back...
The summer resident addresses the owner of the dacha:
— Could you please lower the rent for the room a little?
- What are you talking about? With such a beautiful view birch grove!
- What if I promise you that I won’t look out the window?
The millionaire shows his guest his villa and says:
“And here I’m going to build three pools: one with cold water, the second with warm water, and the third without water at all.”
- Without water? - the guest is surprised. - For what?
— The fact is that some of my friends don’t know how to swim...
At a painting exhibition, one visitor asks another:
— Do you think this picture depicts a sunrise or sunset?
- Of course, sunset.
- Why do you think so?
— I know this artist. He doesn't wake up before noon.
Buyer: - I would like to buy some book.
Seller: - Would you like something light?
Buyer: - It doesn’t matter, I’m driving!
An unknown young man set a world record in the 100-meter race. A journalist interviews him:
- How did you do it? Have you trained a lot in any sports club?
- No, at the shooting range. I work there replacing targets...
“I recently ran two kilometers in one minute at a school competition!”
- You're lying! This is better than a world record!
- Yes, but I know a shortcut!
A funny story about a mischievous deceiver, schoolgirl Ninochka. A story for elementary school and middle school age students.
Harmful Ninka Kukushkina. Author: Irina Pivovarova
One day Katya and Manechka went out into the yard, and there sat on a bench Ninka Kukushkina in a brand new brown school dress, a brand new black apron and a very white collar (Ninka was a first grader, she boasted that she was an A student, but she herself was a D student) and Kostya Palkin in a green cowboy jacket, sandals on bare feet and a blue cap with a large visor.
Ninka enthusiastically lied to Kostya that she had met a real hare in the forest in the summer and this hare made Ninka so happy that he immediately climbed into her arms and did not want to get off. Then Ninka brought him home, and the hare lived with them for a whole month, drinking milk from a saucer and guarding the house.
Kostya listened to Ninka with half an ear. Stories about hares did not bother him. Yesterday he received a letter from his parents saying that perhaps in a year they would take him to Africa, where they were now living and building a dairy canning plant, and Kostya sat and thought about what he would take with him.
“Don’t forget the fishing rod,” thought Kostya. “A trap for snakes is a must... A hunting knife... I need to buy it at the Okhotnik store.” Yes, there's still a gun. Winchester. Or a double-barreled shotgun."
Then Katya and Manechka came up.
- What's this! - said Katya, after hearing the end of the “rabbit” story. “It’s nothing!” Just think, a hare! Hares are nonsense! A real goat has been living on our balcony for a whole year now. Call me Aglaya Sidorovna.
“Yeah,” said Manechka. “Aglaya Sidorovna.” She came to visit us from Kozodoevsk. We've been around for a long time goat milk Let's eat.
“Exactly,” said Katya. “Such a kind goat!” She brought us so much! Ten bags of chocolate-covered nuts, twenty cans of goat’s condensed milk, thirty packs of Yubileinoye cookies, and she eats nothing but cranberry jelly, bean soup and vanilla crackers!
“I’ll buy a double-barreled shotgun,” Kostya said respectfully. “You can kill two tigers at once with a double-barreled shotgun... Why specifically vanilla ones?”
- So that the milk smells good.
- They're lying! They don't have any goats! — Ninka got angry. “Don’t listen, Kostya!” You know them!
- Just as it is! She sleeps in a basket at night fresh air. And during the day he sunbathes in the sun.
- Liars! Liars! If a goat lived on your balcony, it would bleat throughout the entire yard!
- Who bleated? For what? - Kostya asked, having managed to immerse himself in thoughts about whether or not to take his aunt’s lotto to Africa.
- And she bleats. You'll hear it for yourself soon... Now let's play hide and seek?
“Come on,” said Kostya.
And Kostya began to drive, and Manya, Katya and Ninka ran to hide. Suddenly a loud goat bleating was heard in the yard. It was Manechka who ran home and bleated from the balcony:
- B-e-e... Me-e-e...
Ninka crawled out of the hole behind the bushes in surprise.
- Kostya! Listen!
“Well, yes, he’s bleating,” said Kostya. “I told you...
And Manya ran back last time and ran to help.
Now Ninka was driving.
This time Katya and Manechka ran home together and began bleating from the balcony. And then they went down and, as if nothing had happened, ran to the rescue.
- Listen, you really have a goat! - said Kostya. “What were you hiding before?”
- She's not real, not real! - Ninka shouted. “They have a groovy one!”
- Here's another one, catchy! Yes, she reads our books, counts to ten and even knows how to speak like a human being. Let's go and ask her, and you stand here and listen.
Katya and Manya ran home, sat down behind the balcony bars and bleated in one voice:
- Ma-a-ma! Ma-a-ma!
- Well, how? - Katya leaned out. - Do you like it?
“Just think,” said Ninka. - “Mom” every fool can say. Let him read some poem.
“I’ll ask you now,” Manya said, squatted down and shouted to the whole yard:
Our Tanya cries loudly:
She dropped a ball into the river.
Hush, Tanechka, don’t cry:
The ball will not drown in the river.
The old women on the benches turned their heads in bewilderment, and the janitor Sima, who at that time was diligently sweeping the yard, became wary and raised her head.
- Well, isn’t it great? - said Katya.
- Amazing! — Ninka made a sly face. “But I don’t hear anything.” Ask your goat to read poetry louder.
Here Manechka starts screaming obscenities. And since Manya had the right voice, and when Manya tried, she could roar so that the walls shook, it is not surprising that after the poem about the whiny Tanya, people’s heads began to poke out of all the windows with indignation, and Matvey Semyonicheva Alpha, who at this ran around in the yard for a while, barking deafeningly.
And the janitor Sima... There’s no need to talk about her! Her relationship with the Skovorodkin children was not the best anyway. They are sick of Sima to death with their antics.
Therefore, having heard inhuman screams from the balcony of apartment eighteen, Sima rushed straight into the entrance with her broom and began pounding on the door of apartment eighteen with her fists.
And the most mischievous Ninka, pleased that she managed to teach Frying Pans a lesson so well, glanced at the angry Sima, and sweetly said, as if nothing had happened:
- Well done, your goat! Excellent poetry reader! Now I’ll read something to her.
And, dancing and sticking out her tongue, but not forgetting to adjust the blue nylon bow on her head, the cunning, harmful Ninka squealed very disgustingly.
Interesting stories by Viktor Golyavkin for younger schoolchildren. Stories for reading in elementary school. extracurricular reading in grades 1-4.
Victor Golyavkin. NOTEBOOKS IN THE RAIN
During recess, Marik says to me:
- Let's run away from class. Look how nice it is outside!
- What if Aunt Dasha is late with the briefcases?
- You need to throw your briefcases out the window.
We looked out the window: it was dry near the wall, but a little further away there was a huge puddle. Don't throw your briefcases into a puddle! We took the belts off the trousers, tied them together and carefully lowered the briefcases onto them. At this time the bell rang. The teacher entered. I had to sit down. The lesson has begun. The rain poured outside the window. Marik writes me a note:
Our notebooks are missing
I answer him:
Our notebooks are missing
He writes to me:
What we are going to do?
I answer him:
What we are going to do?
Suddenly they call me to the board.
“I can’t,” I say, “I have to go to the board.”
“How,” I think, “can I walk without a belt?”
“Go, go, I’ll help you,” says the teacher.
- You don’t need to help me.
-Are you ill by any chance?
“I’m sick,” I say.
— How’s your homework?
— Good with your homework.
The teacher comes up to me.
- Well, show me your notebook.
- What's going on with you?
- You'll have to give it a two.
He opens the magazine and gives me a bad mark, and I think about my notebook, which is now getting wet in the rain.
The teacher gave me a bad grade and calmly said:
- You're kind of strange today...
Victor Golyavkin. THINGS ARE NOT GOING MY WAY
One day I come home from school. That day I just got a bad grade. I walk around the room and sing. I sing and sing so that no one thinks that I got a bad mark. Otherwise they will ask: “Why are you gloomy, why are you thoughtful? »
Father says:
- Why is he singing like that?
And mom says:
“He’s probably in a cheerful mood, so he’s singing.”
Father says:
“I guess I got an A, and that’s a lot of fun for the man.” It's always fun when you do something good.
When I heard this, I sang even louder.
Then the father says:
“Okay, Vovka, please your father and show him the diary.”
Then I immediately stopped singing.
- For what? - I ask.
“I see,” says the father, “you really want to show me the diary.”
He takes the diary from me, sees a deuce there and says:
— Surprisingly, I got a bad mark and is singing! What, is he crazy? Come on, Vova, come here! Do you happen to have a fever?
“I don’t have,” I say, “no fever...
The father spread his hands and said:
- Then you need to be punished for this singing...
That's how unlucky I am!
Victor Golyavkin. THAT'S WHAT'S INTERESTING
When Goga started going to first grade, he knew only two letters: O - circle and T - hammer. That's all. I didn't know any other letters. And I couldn’t read.
Grandmother tried to teach him, but he immediately came up with a trick:
- Now, now, grandma, I’ll wash the dishes for you.
And he immediately ran to the kitchen to wash the dishes. And the old grandmother forgot about studying and even bought him gifts for helping him with the housework. And Gogin’s parents were on a long business trip and relied on their grandmother. And of course, they didn’t know that their son still hadn’t learned to read. But Goga often washed the floor and dishes, went to buy bread, and his grandmother praised him in every possible way in letters to his parents. And I read it aloud to him. And Goga, sitting comfortably on the sofa, listened with his eyes closed. “Why should I learn to read,” he reasoned, “if my grandmother reads aloud to me.” He didn't even try.
And in class he dodged as best he could.
The teacher tells him:
- Read it here.
He pretended to read, and he himself told from memory what his grandmother read to him. The teacher stopped him. To the laughter of the class, he said:
“If you want, I’d better close the window so it doesn’t blow.”
“I’m so dizzy that I’m probably going to fall...
He pretended so skillfully that one day his teacher sent him to the doctor. The doctor asked:
- How is your health?
“It’s bad,” said Goga.
- What hurts?
- Well, then go to class.
- Why?
- Because nothing hurts you.
- How do you know?
- How do you know that? - the doctor laughed. And he slightly pushed Goga towards the exit. Goga never pretended to be sick again, but continued to prevaricate.
And the efforts of my classmates came to nothing. First, Masha, an excellent student, was assigned to him.
“Let’s study seriously,” Masha told him.
- When? - asked Goga.
- Yeah right now.
“I’ll come now,” Goga said.
And he left and did not return.
Then Grisha, an excellent student, was assigned to him. They stayed in the classroom. But as soon as Grisha opened the primer, Goga reached under the desk.
- Where are you going? - asked Grisha.
“Come here,” Goga called.
- And here no one will interfere with us.
- Yah you! - Grisha, of course, was offended and left immediately.
No one else was assigned to him.
As time went. He was dodging.
Gogin's parents arrived and found that their son could not read a single line. The father grabbed his head, and the mother grabbed the book she had brought for her child.
“Now every evening,” she said, “I will read this wonderful book aloud to my son.”
Grandma said:
- Yes, yes, I also read interesting books aloud to Gogochka every evening.
But the father said:
- It was really in vain that you did this. Our Gogochka has become so lazy that he cannot read a single line. I ask everyone to leave for the meeting.
And dad, along with grandmother and mom, left for a meeting. And Goga was at first worried about the meeting, and then calmed down when his mother began to read to him from a new book. And he even shook his legs with pleasure and almost spat on the carpet.
But he didn't know what kind of meeting it was! What was decided there!
So, mom read him a page and a half after the meeting. And he, swinging his legs, naively imagined that this would continue to happen. But when mom stopped really interesting place, he became worried again.
And when she handed him the book, he became even more worried.
He immediately suggested:
- Let me wash the dishes for you, mommy.
And he ran to wash the dishes.
He ran to his father.
His father sternly told him never to make such requests to him again.
He thrust the book to his grandmother, but she yawned and dropped it from her hands. He picked up the book from the floor and gave it to his grandmother again. But she dropped it from her hands again. No, she had never fallen asleep so quickly in her chair before! “Is she really asleep,” thought Goga, “or was she instructed to pretend at the meeting? “Goga tugged at her, shook her, but the grandmother did not even think about waking up.
In despair, he sat down on the floor and began to look at the pictures. But from the pictures it was difficult to understand what was happening there next.
He brought the book to class. But his classmates refused to read to him. Not only that: Masha immediately left, and Grisha defiantly reached under the desk.
Goga pestered the high school student, but he flicked him on the nose and laughed.
That's what a home meeting is all about!
This is what the public means!
He soon read the entire book and many other books, but out of habit he never forgot to go buy bread, wash the floor or wash the dishes.
That's what's interesting!
Victor Golyavkin. IN THE CLOSET
Before class, I climbed into the closet. I wanted to meow from the closet. They'll think it's a cat, but it's me.
I was sitting in the closet, waiting for the lesson to start, and didn’t notice how I fell asleep.
I wake up and the class is quiet. I look through the crack - there is no one. I pushed the door, but it was closed. So, I slept through the entire lesson. Everyone went home, and they locked me in the closet.
It's stuffy in the closet and dark as night. I got scared, I started screaming:
- Uh-uh! I'm in the closet! Help!
I listened and there was silence all around.
- ABOUT! Comrades! I'm sitting in the closet!
I hear someone's steps. Someone is coming.
- Who's bawling here?
I immediately recognized Aunt Nyusha, the cleaning lady.
I was delighted and shouted:
- Aunt Nyusha, I’m here!
- Where are you, dear?
- I'm in the closet! In the closet!
- How did you get there, my dear?
- I'm in the closet, grandma!
- So I hear that you are in the closet. So what do you want?
- They locked me in a closet. Oh, grandma!
Aunt Nyusha left. Silence again. She probably went to get the key.
Pal Palych knocked on the cabinet with his finger.
“There’s no one there,” said Pal Palych.
- Why not? “Yes,” said Aunt Nyusha.
- Well, where is he? - said Pal Palych and knocked on the closet again.
I was afraid that everyone would leave and I would remain in the closet, and I shouted with all my might:
- I'm here!
- Who are you? - asked Pal Palych.
- I... Tsypkin...
- Why did you climb there, Tsypkin?
- They locked me... I didn’t get in...
- Hm... They locked him up! But he didn’t get in! Have you seen it? What wizards there are in our school! They don't get into the closet when they are locked in the closet. Miracles don’t happen, do you hear, Tsypkin?
- I hear...
- How long have you been sitting there? - asked Pal Palych.
- Don't know...
“Find the key,” said Pal Palych. - Fast.
Aunt Nyusha went to get the key, but Pal Palych stayed behind. He sat down on a chair nearby and began to wait. I saw through
the crack of his face. He was very angry. He lit a cigarette and said:
- Well! This is what prank leads to. Tell me honestly: why are you in the closet?
I really wanted to disappear from the closet. They open the closet, and I’m not there. It was as if I had never been there. They will ask me: “Were you in the closet?” I will say: “I wasn’t.” They will say to me: “Who was there?” I will say: “I don’t know.”
But this only happens in fairy tales! Surely tomorrow they will call your mother... Your son, they will say, climbed into the closet, slept through all the lessons there, and all that... as if it’s comfortable for me to sleep here! My legs ache, my back hurts. One torment! What was my answer?
I was silent.
-Are you alive there? - asked Pal Palych.
- Alive...
- Well, sit down, they will open soon...
- I am sitting...
“So...” said Pal Palych. - So will you answer me why you climbed into this closet?
- Who? Tsypkin? In the closet? Why?
I wanted to disappear again.
The director asked:
- Tsypkin, is that you?
I sighed heavily. I simply couldn't answer anymore.
Aunt Nyusha said:
— The class leader took the key away.
“Break the door,” said the director.
I felt the door being broken down, the closet shook, and I hit my forehead painfully. I was afraid that the cabinet would fall, and I cried. I pressed my hands against the walls of the closet, and when the door gave way and opened, I continued to stand in the same way.
“Well, come out,” said the director. “And explain to us what that means.”
I didn't move. I was scared.
- Why is he standing? - asked the director.
I was pulled out of the closet.
I was silent the whole time.
I didn't know what to say.
I just wanted to meow. But how would I put it...
The importance of books in a person’s life cannot be overestimated. If you want your child to be well-rounded and successful in life, cultivate in him a love of literature with early years. Of course, in preschool and junior school age you need to choose light, cheerful works. If you like to read, then you probably remember funny stories for children from the collection “Deniska's Stories” by V. Dragunsky. What other authors funny stories for children worthy of the attention of young readers? The answers are in our article today.
As we have already said, the first place among funny stories for children is occupied by the book by V. Dragunsky. Children will enjoy his cute and funny stories preschool age, and to young “visitors” of elementary school. Main character Deniska Korablev daily finds herself in funny and sometimes ridiculous situations that are sure to make little readers smile. “The Elephant and the Radio”, “Knights”, “Chicken Soup”, “The Battle of a Clean River”, “Exactly 25 Kilos”, “The Dog Thief” and other stories will be interesting, and most importantly, understandable to children from 5 years old. Download a book.
The collection consists of two children's humorous stories, on which famous films of the same name were made. The plot will especially attract schoolchildren primary classes. The main characters of the first part are two mischievous people who have to spend everything summer holidays visiting strict aunts. Naturally, they do not expect anything fun from this plan, but big surprises await them... The stories described in the book will definitely appeal to your children, especially boys who dream of the most memorable adventure of their childhood!
Mikhail Zoshchenko - famous writer, as well as one of best authors funny stories for children. His collection is rightly recognized as a classic of children's literature. In his stories, he notes funny moments in such a fascinating and simple language that among the fans of his work there are children even 6 years old! Through light and truthful images, he teaches children to be kind, honest, brave, to strive for knowledge and to act nobly. Children especially hold stories about the heroes Lela and Minka in high esteem.
We also recommend adding to children's list literature “Humorous stories for children” by A. Averchenko, the famous “Bad Advice” by G. Oster, “The Intercom Thief” by E. Rakitina, “Don’t Lie” by M. Zoshchenko, “Carousel in the Head” by V. Golovkin, “ Smart dog Sonya. Stories" by A. Usachev, "Zateika's stories" by N. Nosov and all the works of E. Uspensky.
List of modern books Russian writers. Books for children 7-10 and 10-14 years old
I don’t want to charm modern schoolchildren: find out what’s fashionable now, insert mentions of certain things or cool words. I want to tell stories that happen to every generation - in any country and in any era. How to Read to Children - You've been writing children's books for 25 years. But parents complain that it is now difficult to captivate children with any kind of reading. — Children always read, but now it’s really more difficult to get them interested in books, because there are computer games, dozens of TV channels. But if it works, they become real readers - just like we were in our time. Children need to read at night; my wife and I always told our children some...
Create a tradition of oral histories!
List of books for children entering second grade.
Discussion
Thanks for the list. We work according to the system Primary School We are in the 21st century, and we have already re-read everything that was assigned to us. We just can’t tear ourselves away from the books, let’s take note of new works.
06/08/2018 15:08:51, YulyashkaDarinovaI also constantly shop at ozone))) I bought textbooks for my son for school.
3 bedtime stories for children
Well, give up this desire, and you will get a bun or gingerbread - whatever you want. Vasya thought: I don’t have to learn to read right now, I’ll still have time, but I want to eat a bun this very minute. And he says: “Okay, I refuse.” Vasya received his favorite bun with poppy seeds and chocolate glaze and moved on. In the land of sweet buns, everything is so interesting and beautiful: trees, flowers, playgrounds with swings, houses, slides, ladders. Vasya looked at everything and climbed everywhere. I wanted to eat again. He sees another counter with sweets. He came up. The saleswoman asks: “Do you want a bun?” - Want. I just don't have any money. “And we don’t sell for money, but for skills.” - How is this a skill? - do not understand...
Discussion
The article is simply SUPERB!!! I am delighted! The main thing is very interesting and the child improved, the fairy tale made him think and draw the right conclusions. Especially the fairy tale about Vika, I would have cried too... very instructive!
08/22/2007 12:45:59, MarinaWe had a dog - a black medium poodle Timofey. He died ten years ago, but to our great joy he left us with pleasant memories of what he did when he was little.
Strangely enough, Nosov’s book “Dunno and His Friends”, “Dunno in the Sunny City”, and “Dunno on the Moon” can be considered a children’s science fiction work. Younger schoolchildren enjoy children's adventure tales by Sofia Prokofieva, Eduard Uspensky, fantasy stories and novellas by Kir Bulychev from books by Russian authors. For boys in their early teens, you can offer Tolkien's The Hobbit, after which (at a slightly older age) you can move on to reading the world-famous Lord of the Rings trilogy by the same author. An important role in the...
Discussion
On the eve of the holidays, in most schools, students are given very extensive reading lists, which each of them must complete by the beginning of the school year.
...Books about suffering and fortitude can support a child whose mental strength has been exhausted in the fight against life’s troubles (for example, problems with peers, the pain of first love, parental divorce, etc.) “Lightweight” literature should not be neglected. Lyrical "ladies' reading" develops normal sensual femininity in girls. And entertaining and humorous stories help sick children come to terms with temporary inactivity. It is clear that there can be no talk of any universal advice. There are simply books that are best for reading in childhood: very light, simple and cheerful tales of Rodari, “The Adventures of Baron Munchausen” by Raspe and, oddly enough, the works of Hemingway, with all their complexity. Besides...
Very strange article. I didn’t like it, as did many who unsubscribed earlier...
Expressive reading competition at school prose work. I think in the humorous direction, because it makes it more interesting to listen to. The child is 7 years old. Tell me, who, besides Nosov (read out), has short stories? Thank you.
Hello, is this the lost and found office? – asked a child’s voice. - Yes baby. Have you lost something? - I lost my mother. Isn't it with you? - What kind of mother is she? - She is beautiful and kind. And she also loves cats very much. - Yes, just yesterday we found one mother, maybe it’s yours. Where are you calling from? - From orphanage No. 3. - Okay, we will send your mother to you in Orphanage. Wait. She entered his room, the most beautiful and kindest, and in her hands was a real live cat. - Mother! – the baby shouted and rushed to her. He...
Discussion
And I cried so much. So all this is vital, truthful - this is exactly how a child dreams, this is exactly how, with manic persistence, we adopt.
Eh, and no one called the heavenly office about me. Well, so that there is an ideal man, love, luck, and most importantly - an endless cash flow. And I did everything like in a fairy tale (I’m crying)
The topic of reading has been raised many times already and discussed from different angles. I will also contribute. I also have a child who doesn’t read well. But here it is: I fell for humorous books. He reads it with pleasure and asks for more. Funny stories, stories. Anecdotes generally come first. Even the problem of magazines discussed below is like this: people read mainly jokes and funny stories from them, and everything else, including comics, is simply a free supplement to these jokes. In general, I'm glad...
Discussion
I also remembered: N. Dumbadze, “Me, Grandma, Iliko and Illarion”
In the new season 2004-05 at the Central House of Artists with literary subscription No. 4 for young people. Schoolchildren, called “The Most Incredible,” will read both Dragunsky’s “Deniska’s Stories” and “Little Baba Yaga” by Preysler. Highly recommend. When will the son hear
good works performed by professionals will make him want to read them all the more.
Or you can go further: buy subscription No. 3 “Through the pages of your favorite books.” Although it is intended for grades 5-7, we bought it :-)
Gogol's "The Night Before Christmas", Seton-Thompson's "Tales of Animals", Hugo's "Les Miserables", Hauff's "Dwarf Nose" will not leave anyone indifferent. Let the child like these books first, and then he will read them himself.
Girls, please advise me for the competition, my son is 10 years old. I don’t like poetry myself and I don’t know which author writes the funny stuff :(
The child will have to audition for drama school. You need to read the verse. So that it is not long, beautiful, interesting and memorable. level as for an adult. Maybe one of your favorites?
Discussion
Vladimir Volkodav - Mute:
One day, on a fine May day,
A passerby fell on the street,
Fell absurdly, straight into the mud,
Everyone pointed and laughed...
And they floated past the faces.
They grumbled - you have to get so drunk!
And he looked pleadingly at everyone,
Trying to get up, and laughing and... sin.
He mumbled unclear words...
Gray head in blood...
Dirt was dripping from my face,
People were whispering around - “redneck”, “scum”...
And they walked around
Proud in my soul, I am not like that!
And spitting in disgust,
Afraid to get dirty in the mud.
Others simply hide their gaze,
They walked past, as if they were in a hurry...
Lift it?... God forbid!
He's like an animal, in the mud.
***
So hour after hour passed,
The sunset has already faded...
In the dead of night there is only a patrol,
I noticed a sack in a dirty puddle...
Disgustedly kicked with a boot,
Get up, drunk... the basement is your home.
Didn't notice the blue lips...
He didn’t answer... he was a CORPSE...
***
The gray-haired man was not drunk,
The aching heart was squeezed by a trap,
Fate smiles,
He was pushed straight into the dirt...
In vain, he tried to get up,
In vain, he tried to call,
Pressed down by pain like a wall...
But here's the problem... he was Mute...
***
And maybe one of us
I've seen this more than once,
Melting a vile grin,
Maybe they will help... but not me...
So who are we... people... or not?
The question is simple - the answer is not simple.
Loving the laws of the jungle,
Where everyone is only for themselves.
***
One fine day in May
A passerby fell on the street...
To become a man, it’s not enough for him to be born Mikhail Lvov
02/08/2018 20:46:58, david2212121221Have you noticed that many children really like various kinds of theatrical performances? In learning to read, when the stage of reading individual words and phrases has already been passed, reading simple sentences It’s not inspiring, and the texts are still a bit difficult to read; short dialogues help a lot. You can read them in roles (with a teacher, with your mother, with your classmates), or you can read them alone in different voices. We read both poetry and prose. Now, for example, I’m making a book to read based on Suteev – “The Mouse and...
Discussion
Oleg Grigoriev.
I carried it home
A bag of sweets.
And here towards me
Neighbour.
He took off his beret:
- ABOUT! Hello!
What are you carrying?
- A bag of sweets.
- What - sweets?
- So - sweets.
- And the compote?
- There is no compote.
- No compote
And it is not necessary…
Are they made of chocolate?
- Yes, they are made of chocolate.
- Fine,
I am very happy.
I love chocolate.
Give me some candy.
- For candy.
- And that one, and that one, and that one...
Beauty! Delicious!
And this one, and that one...
No more?
- No more.
- Well hello.
- Well hello.
- Well hello.
L. Mironova
- Where is the apple, Andryusha?
- Apple? I've been eating for a long time.
- You didn't wash it, it seems.
- I peeled the skin off of him!
- Well done you have become!
- I've been like this for a long time.
- Where to clean things up?
- Ah... cleaning... ate it too.
S.V. Mikhalkov Kittens.
Our kittens were born -
There are exactly five of them.
We decided, we wondered:
What should we name the kittens?
Finally we named them:
ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE.
ONCE - the kitten is the whitest,
TWO - the kitten is the bravest,
THREE - the kitten is the smartest,
And FOUR is the noisiest.
FIVE - similar to THREE and TWO -
The same tail and head
The same spot on the back,
He also sleeps all day in a basket.
Our kittens are good -
ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE!
Come visit us guys
View and count
Singing is great! B.Zakhoder
- Hello, Vova!
- How are your lessons?
- Not ready...
You know, bad cat
Doesn't let me study!
I just sat down at the table,
I hear: “Meow...” - “What have you come for?
Leave! - I shout to the cat. -
I already... can't bear it!
You see, I'm busy with science,
So scurry and don’t meow!”
He then climbed onto the chair,
He pretended to fall asleep.
Well, he cleverly pretended -
It’s almost like he’s sleeping! -
But you can't fool me...
“Oh, are you sleeping? Now you will get up!
You are smart and I am smart!”
Strike him by the tail!
- And he?
- He scratched my hands,
He pulled the tablecloth off the table,
Spilled all the ink on the floor
I stained all my notebooks
And he slipped out the window!
I'm ready to forgive the cat
I feel sorry for them cats.
But why do they say
As if it's my fault?
I told my mother openly:
“This is just slander!
You should try it yourself
Hold the cat by the tail!”
Fedul, why are you pouting your lips?
- I burned the caftan.
-You can sew it up.
-Yes, there is no needle.
-Is the hole big?
-One gate left.
I caught a bear!
- So lead me here!
-It doesn't go.
-Then go yourself!
- He won’t let me in!
Where are you going, Foma?
Where are you going?
-I'm going to mow hay,
-What do you need hay for?
-Feed the cows.
-What do you want about cows?
- Milk.
-Why milk?
-Feed the kids.
Hello pussy, how are you?
Why did you leave us?
- I can’t live with you,
There's nowhere to put the tail
Walk, yawn
You step on the tail. Meow!
V. Orlov
Theft.
- Kra! - the crow screams.
Theft! Guard! Robbery! The missing!
The thief sneaked in early in the morning!
He stole the penny from his pocket!
Pencil! Cardboard! Traffic jam!
And a beautiful box!
-Stop, crow, shut up!
Shut up, don't shout!
You can't live without deception!
You don't have a pocket!
“How?” the crow jumped
and blinked in surprise
Why didn't you say it before?
Car-r-raul! Car-r-rman stole!
Who is first.
Who offended whom first?
- He me!
- No, he me!
- Who hit whom first?
- He me!
- No, he me!
- You were friends like that before?
- I was friends.
- And I was friends.
- Why didn’t you share?
- I forgot.
- And I forgot.
Fedya! Run to Aunt Olya,
Bring some salt.
- Salt?
- Salt.
- I'm here now.
- Oh, Fedin’s hour is long.
- Well, he finally showed up!
Where have you been running, tomboy?
- Met Mishka and Seryozhka.
- And then?
- We were looking for a cat.
- And then?
- Then they found it.
- And then?
- Let's go to the pond.
- And then?
- We caught pike!
We barely got the evil one out!
- Pike?
- Pike.
- But excuse me, where is the salt?
- What salt?
S.Ya. Marshak
Wolf and fox.
Gray wolf in a dense forest
I met a red fox.
Lisaveta, hello!
- How are you, toothy?
Things are going well.
The head is still intact.
Where have you been?
- On the market.
- What did you buy?
- Pork.
How much did you take?
- A tuft of wool,
Ripped off
Right side
The tail was chewed off in a fight!
- Who bit it off?
- Dogs!
Are you full, dear kumanek?
- I barely dragged my legs!
Thank you all very much for the answers and new ideas!
Dear friends! I recently met most interesting person, a real sorceress - children's writer from Moscow Natalya Osipova. In her creative baggage there is a lot amazing fairy tales, some of which turned into most interesting cartoons, became the basis of beautiful children's books. Natalya Nikolaevna wrote a letter especially for readers of the portal “7ya.ru”. I publish it and invite you to the YouTube channel to watch the video clip “Brilliant Parrot!” With best wishes...