The power of love is great. This is repeatedly mentioned in literature so that people remember and are ready to meet it halfway. Love is magical in many ways. This is the power that can change everything. And at the same time, love is such a simple and natural feeling, almost ordinary. And the title of Evgeniy Schwartz’s play “An Ordinary Miracle” conveys this idea well. This play has become one of the most famous in the writer’s work; everyday life and fairy tales are intertwined in it. The writer talks about love, about the human soul and about humanity in general, showing all this through experiences and feelings. At the same time, it cannot be said that the play is overly romanticized; there is room for both irony and the harsh truth of life.

Readers will learn the story of an unusual young man who used to be a Bear. The wizard turned him into a human, but at the same time did not give him the opportunity to be happy. Once the girl falls in love with the Bear and kisses him, he will become a beast again. And one day the Princess falls in love with him, but the Bear is afraid that her kiss will change everything. These two will have to go through trials, overcome their fears, before they understand the power of love. True love can work miracles and conquer everything.

The play is not only about the love of the Princess and the Bear. The author shows the wizard's love for his wife, who admires her in the same way as many years ago. The King's love for his daughter is shown. And it is this feeling that transforms him from a tyrant and tyrant into a good dad. The whole play is saturated with love, it leaves pleasant impressions and will be interesting to both adults and children.

On our website you can download the book “An Ordinary Miracle” by Evgeniy Lvovich Schwartz for free and without registration in fb2, rtf, epub, pdf, txt format, read the book online or buy the book in the online store.

One of Schwartz's last and most famous plays. It is written in the author’s light style, in which the fabulous and modern are cleverly intertwined. The play will be interesting to both adults and children. The plot tells the story of the uneasy love of a Bear, transformed by a wizard into a man, and a benevolent princess, the daughter of an eccentric tyrant king. The wizard turned the bear into a human so that as soon as the real princess falls in love with him and kisses him, he will return to his original animal form. So the two lovers are forced to go through a series of trials before they realize that love conquers all! Even magic.

Evgeny Schwartz
An ordinary miracle

Ekaterina Ivanovna Schwartz

Characters

Master.

Mistress.

Bear.

King.

Princess.

Minister-Administrator.

First Minister.

Court lady.

Orinthia.

Amanda.

Innkeeper.

Hunter.

Hunter's Apprentice.

Executioner.

Prologue

Appears before the curtain Human, who tells the audience quietly and thoughtfully:

– “An Ordinary Miracle” – what a strange name! If a miracle means something extraordinary! And if it’s ordinary, then it’s not a miracle.

The answer is that we are talking about love. A boy and a girl fall in love with each other - which is common. They quarrel – which is also not uncommon. They almost die of love. And finally, the strength of their feeling reaches such a height that it begins to work real miracles - which is both surprising and ordinary.

You can talk about love and sing songs, but we will tell a fairy tale about it.

In a fairy tale, the ordinary and the miraculous are very conveniently placed side by side and are easily understood if you look at the fairy tale as a fairy tale. Like in childhood. Don't look in it hidden meaning. A fairy tale is told not in order to hide, but in order to reveal, to say with all your might, out loud what you think.

Among characters In our fairy tale, closer to the “ordinary”, you will recognize people whom you meet quite often. For example, the king. You can easily recognize in him an ordinary apartment despot, a frail tyrant who deftly knows how to explain his outrages by considerations of principle. Or dystrophy of the heart muscle. Or psychasthenia. Or even heredity. In the fairy tale, he is made a king so that his character traits reach their natural limit. You will also recognize the minister-administrator, the dashing supplier. And an honored figure in hunting. And some others.

But the heroes of the fairy tale, who are closer to the “miracle”, are deprived household damn today. Such are the wizard, and his wife, and the princess, and the bear.

How do such different people get along in one fairy tale? And it's very simple. Just like in life.

And our fairy tale begins simply. One wizard got married, settled down and started farming. But no matter how you feed the wizard, he is always drawn to miracles, transformations and amazing adventures. And so he got involved in love story those same young people I spoke about at the beginning. And everything got confused, mixed up - and finally unraveled so unexpectedly that the wizard himself, accustomed to miracles, clasped his hands in surprise.

It all ended in grief or happiness for the lovers - you will find out at the very end of the fairy tale. (Disappears.)

Act one

Estate in the Carpathian Mountains. Large room, sparkling clean. On the hearth is a dazzlingly sparkling copper coffee pot. A bearded man, huge in height, broad-shouldered, sweeps the room and talks to himself at the top of his voice. This owner of the estate.

Master. Like this! That's great! I work and work, as befits an owner, everyone will look and praise, everything with me is like that of other people. I don’t sing, I don’t dance, I don’t tumble like a wild animal. The owner of an excellent estate in the mountains cannot roar like a bison, no, no! I work without any liberties... Ah! (Listens, covers his face with his hands.) She's coming! She! She! Her steps... I’ve been married for fifteen years, and I’m still in love with my wife, like a boy, honestly! It's coming! She! (Giggles shyly.) What a nonsense, my heart is beating so much that it even hurts... Hello, wife!

Included mistress, still a young, very attractive woman.

Hello wife, hello! It’s been a long time since we parted, just an hour ago, but I’m happy for you, as if we haven’t seen each other for a year, that’s how I love you... (Getting scared.) What's wrong with you? Who dared to offend you?

Mistress. You.

Master. It can't be! Oh, I'm rude! Poor woman, standing there so sad, shaking her head... What a disaster! What have I, damned one, done?

Mistress. Think about it.

Master. Well, where is there to think... Speak, don’t be tormented...

Mistress. What did you do this morning in the chicken coop?

Master(laughs). So it’s me who loves!

Mistress. Thank you for such love. I open the chicken coop, and suddenly - hello! All my chickens have four legs...

Master. Well, what's offensive about that?

Mistress. And the chicken has a mustache like a soldier.

Master. Ha ha ha!

Mistress. Who promised to improve? Who promised to live like everyone else?

Master. Well, dear, well, dear, well, forgive me! What can you do... After all, I’m a wizard!

Mistress. You never know!

Master. The morning was cheerful, the sky was clear, there was nowhere to put any energy, it was so good. I wanted to fool around...

Mistress. Well, I would do something useful for the economy. They brought sand over there to sprinkle the paths. I would take it and turn it into sugar.

Master. Well, what a prank this is!

Mistress. Or he would turn those stones that were piled near the barn into cheese.

Master. Not funny!

Mistress. Well, what should I do with you? I fight, I fight, and you are still the same wild hunter, mountain wizard, crazy bearded man!

Master. I'm trying!

Mistress. Everything is going well, just like people do, and suddenly - bang! - thunder, lightning, miracles, transformations, fairy tales, all sorts of legends... Poor thing... (Kisses him.) Well, go, dear!

Master. Where?

Mistress. To the chicken coop.

Master. For what?

Mistress. Fix what you did there.

Master. I can't!

Mistress. Well please!

Master. I can't. You yourself know how things are in the world. Sometimes you mess around, and then you’ll fix everything. And sometimes there’s a click and there’s no turning back! I already beat these chickens with a magic wand, and curled them with a whirlwind, and struck them with lightning seven times - all in vain! This means that what has been done here cannot be corrected.

Characters

Master
Mistress
Bear
King
Princess
Minister-Administrator
First Minister
Court lady
Orinthia
Amanda
Innkeeper
Hunter
Hunter's Apprentice
Executioner

Prologue

a man appears in front of the curtain and tells the audience quietly and thoughtfully:

- “An Ordinary Miracle” - what a strange name! If a miracle means something extraordinary! And if it’s ordinary, then it’s not a miracle.
The answer is that we are talking about love. A boy and a girl fall in love with each other - which is common. They quarrel - which is also not uncommon. They almost die of love. And finally, the strength of their feeling reaches such a height that it begins to work real miracles - which is both surprising and ordinary.
You can talk about love and sing songs, but we will tell a fairy tale about it.
In a fairy tale, the ordinary and the miraculous are very conveniently placed side by side and are easily understood if you look at the fairy tale as a fairy tale. Like in childhood. Don't look for hidden meaning in it. A fairy tale is told not in order to hide, but in order to reveal, to say with all your might, out loud what you think.
Among the characters in our fairy tale, who are closer to the “ordinary” ones, you will recognize people whom you meet quite often. For example, the king. You can easily recognize in him an ordinary apartment despot, a frail tyrant who deftly knows how to explain his outrages by considerations of principle. Or dystrophy of the heart muscle. Or psychasthenia. Or even heredity. In the fairy tale, he is made a king so that his character traits reach their natural limit. You will also recognize the minister-administrator, the dashing supplier. And an honored figure in hunting. And some others.
But the heroes of the fairy tale, who are closer to the “miracle”, are deprived everyday traits today. Such are the wizard, and his wife, and the princess, and the bear.
How do such different people get along in one fairy tale? And it's very simple. Just like in life.
And our fairy tale begins simply. One wizard got married, settled down and started farming. But no matter how you feed the wizard, he is always drawn to miracles, transformations and amazing adventures. And so he got involved in the love story of those very young people I spoke about at the beginning. And everything got confused, mixed up - and finally unraveled so unexpectedly that the wizard himself, accustomed to miracles, clasped his hands in surprise.
It all ended in grief for the lovers or in happiness - you will find out at the very end of the fairy tale.

disappears

Act one

estate in the Carpathian Mountains | large room, sparkling clean | on the hearth there is a dazzlingly sparkling copper coffee pot | a bearded man, huge in height, broad-shouldered, sweeps the room and talks to himself at the top of his voice | this is the owner of the estate

Master
Like this! That's great! I work and work, as befits an owner, everyone will look and praise, everything with me is like that of other people. I don’t sing, I don’t dance, I don’t tumble like a wild animal. The owner of an excellent estate in the mountains cannot roar like a bison, no, no! I work without any liberties... Ah!

listens, covers his face with his hands

She's coming! She! She! Her steps... I’ve been married for fifteen years, and I’m still in love with my wife, like a boy, honestly! It's coming! She!

giggles shyly

What a nonsense, my heart is beating so much that it even hurts... Hello, wife!

the hostess enters, still a young, very attractive woman

Hello wife, hello! It’s been a long time since we parted, just an hour ago, but I’m happy for you, as if we haven’t seen each other for a year, that’s how I love you...

gets scared

What's wrong with you? Who dared to offend you?

Mistress
You.

Master
It can't be! Oh, I'm rude! Poor woman, standing there so sad, shaking her head... What a disaster! What have I, damned one, done?

Mistress
Think about it.

Master
Well, where is there to think... Speak, don’t be tormented...

Mistress
What did you do this morning in the chicken coop?

Master (laughs)
So it’s me who loves!

Mistress
Thank you for such love. I open the chicken coop, and suddenly - hello! All my chickens have four legs...

Master
Well, what's offensive about that?

Mistress
And the chicken has a mustache like a soldier.

Master
Ha ha ha!

Mistress
Who promised to improve? Who promised to live like everyone else?

Master
Well, dear, well, dear, well, forgive me! What can you do... After all, I’m a wizard!

Mistress
You never know!

Master
The morning was cheerful, the sky was clear, there was nowhere to put any energy, it was so good. I wanted to fool around...

Mistress
Well, I would do something useful for the economy. They brought sand over there to sprinkle the paths. I would take it and turn it into sugar.

Master
Well, what a prank this is!

Mistress
Or he would turn those stones that were piled near the barn into cheese.

Master
Not funny!

Mistress
Well, what should I do with you? I fight, I fight, and you are still the same wild hunter, mountain wizard, crazy bearded man!

Master
I'm trying!

Mistress
Everything is going so well, just like with people, and suddenly there’s a bang - thunder, lightning, miracles, transformations, fairy tales, all sorts of legends... Poor thing...

kisses him

Well, go, dear!

Master
Where?

Mistress
To the chicken coop.

Master
For what?

Mistress
Fix what you did there.

Master
I can't!

Mistress
Well please!

Master
I can't. You yourself know how things are in the world. Sometimes you mess up, and then you fix everything. And sometimes there’s a click and there’s no turning back! I already beat these chickens with a magic wand, and curled them with a whirlwind, and struck them seven times with lightning - all in vain! This means that what has been done here cannot be corrected.

Mistress
Well, nothing can be done... I will shave the chicken every day, and turn away from chickens. Well, now let's move on to the most important thing. Who are you waiting for?

Master
No one.

Mistress
Look me in the eyes.

Master
I'm watching.

Mistress
Tell the truth, what will happen? What kind of guests should we receive today? People? Or will ghosts come and play dice with you? Don't be afraid, speak up. If we have the ghost of a young nun, I will even be glad. She promised to bring back from the other world a pattern for a blouse with wide sleeves, such as was worn three hundred years ago. This style is back in fashion. Will the nun come?

Master
No.

Mistress
It's a pity. So there won't be anyone? No? Do you really think that you can hide the truth from your wife? You'd rather deceive yourself than me. Look, your ears are burning, sparks are flying from your eyes...

Master
Not true! Where?

Mistress
There they are! That's how they sparkle. Don't be shy, admit it! Well? Together!

Master
OK! We will have guests today. Forgive me, I'm trying. Became a homebody. But... But the soul asks for something... magical. No offense!

Mistress
I knew who I was marrying.

Master
There will be guests! Here, now, now!

Mistress
Correct your collar quickly. Pull up your sleeves!

Master (laughs)
Do you hear, do you hear? On his way.

approaching clatter of hooves

It's him, it's him!

Mistress
Who?

Master
The same young man because of whom amazing events will begin for us. What a joy! That's nice!

Mistress
Is this a young man like a young man?

Master
Yes, yes!

Mistress
That’s good, my coffee just boiled.

knock on the door

Master
Come in, come in, we've been waiting for a long time! I'm very glad!

young man enters | dressed elegantly | modest, simple, thoughtful | silently bows to the owners

Master (hugs him)
Hello, hello, son!

Mistress
Sit down at the table, please, have some coffee, please. What's your name, son?

young man
Bear.

Mistress
How do you say?

young man
Bear.

Mistress
What an inappropriate nickname!

young man
It's not a nickname at all. I really am a bear.

Mistress
No, what are you... Why? You move so deftly, speak so softly.

young man
You see... Your husband turned me into a human seven years ago. And he did it perfectly. He is a magnificent wizard. He has golden hands, mistress.

Master
Thank you, son!

shakes Bear's hand

Mistress
This is true?

Master
That's when it happened! Expensive! Seven years ago!

Mistress
Why didn’t you admit this to me right away?

Master
Forgot! I simply forgot, that’s all! I was walking, you know, through the forest, and I saw a young bear. Still a teenager. The head is forehead, the eyes are intelligent. We talked, word for word, I liked him. I picked a nut branch, made a magic wand out of it - one, two, three - and that... Well, I don’t understand why I should be angry. The weather was good, the sky was clear...

Mistress
Shut up! I can't stand it when animals are tortured for their own amusement. An elephant is forced to dance in a muslin skirt, a nightingale is put in a cage, a tiger is taught to swing on a swing. Is it difficult for you, son?

Bear
Yes, mistress! Being a real person is very difficult.

Mistress
Poor boy!

to my husband

What do you want, heartless?

Master
I'm happy! I love my work. A man will make a statue from a dead stone - and then be proud if the work is a success. Go ahead and make something even more alive out of a living thing. What a job!

Mistress
What a job! Pranks and nothing more. Oh, sorry, son, he hid from me who you were, and I served sugar with my coffee.

Bear
This is very kind of you! Why are you asking for forgiveness?

Mistress
But you must love honey...

Bear
No, I can't see him! It brings back memories for me.

Mistress
Now, now, turn him into a bear, if you love me! Let him go free!

Master
Darling, darling, everything will be fine! This is why he came to visit us, to become a bear again.

Mistress
Is it true? Well, I'm very glad. Are you going to transform it here? Should I leave the room?

Bear
Don't rush, dear hostess. Alas, this will not happen so soon. I will become a bear again only when the princess falls in love with me and kisses me.

Mistress
When, when? Say it again!

Bear
When the first princess I come across loves me and kisses me, I will immediately turn into a bear and run away to my native mountains.

Mistress
My God, how sad this is!

Master
Hello! Didn't please me again... Why?

Mistress
But haven’t you thought about the princess?

Master
Nonsense! Falling in love is healthy.

Mistress
A poor girl in love will kiss a young man, and he will suddenly turn into a wild beast?

Master
It's an everyday matter, wife.

Mistress
But then he will run away into the forest!

Master
And this happens.

Mistress
Son, son, will you leave the girl you love?

Bear
Seeing that I am a bear, she will immediately stop loving me, mistress.

Mistress
What do you know about love, boy!

takes her husband aside | quiet

I don't want to scare the boy, but dangerous dangerous game you started it, husband! You churned butter with earthquakes, nailed nails with lightning, a hurricane brought us furniture, dishes, mirrors, mother-of-pearl buttons from the city. I'm accustomed to everything, but now I'm afraid.

Master
What?

Mistress
Hurricane, earthquake, lightning - all these are nothing. We will have to deal with people. And even with young people. And with lovers too! I feel that something that we are not expecting will certainly, certainly happen!

Master
Well, what could happen? The princess won't fall in love with him? Nonsense! Look how nice he is...

Mistress
What if...

pipes are thundering

Master
It's too late to talk here, dear. I made one of the kings passing through high road, suddenly really wanted to go to our estate!

pipes are thundering

And so he comes here with his retinue, ministers and the princess, his only daughter. Run, son! We will accept them ourselves. When necessary, I will call you.

the bear runs away

Mistress
And won't you be ashamed to look the king in the eyes?

Master
Not a bit! Frankly speaking, I can’t stand kings!

Mistress
Still a guest!

Master
Screw him! He has an executioner in his retinue, and a chopping block is carried in his luggage.

Mistress
Maybe it's just gossip?

Master
You'll see. Now a rude person, a boor, will come in and start acting up, giving orders, demanding.

Mistress
What if not! After all, we will disappear in shame!

Master
You'll see!

knock on the door

the king enters

King
Hello, dear ones! I am the king, my dears.

Master
Good afternoon, Your Majesty.

King
I don’t know why, I really liked your estate. We are driving along the road, and I feel the urge to turn into the mountains and go up to the ladies. Please allow us to stay with you for a few days!

Master
My God... Ay - ah - ah!

King
What's wrong with you?

Master
I thought you weren't like that. Not polite, not gentle. But it doesn’t matter! We'll come up with something. I am always glad to have guests.

King
But we are restless guests!

Master
To hell with it! That's not the point... Please sit down!

King
I like you, master.

sits down

Master
Damn you!

King
And so I will explain to you why we are restless guests. Can?

Master
I beg you, please!

King
I'm a scary person!

Master (joyfully)
Well, yes?

King
Very scary. I'm a tyrant!

Master
Ha ha ha!

King
Despot. And besides, I am cunning, vindictive, capricious.

Master
Do you see? What did I tell you, wife?

King
And the most offensive thing is that it’s not my fault...

Master
And who?

Mistress
Is it impossible to resist?

King
Where there! Along with the family jewels, I inherited all the vile family traits. Can you imagine the pleasure? If you do something nasty, everyone grumbles, and no one wants to understand that it’s Auntie’s fault.

Master
Just think!

laughs

Go crazy!

laughs

King
Hey, you're funny too!

Master
I’ll just hold it no, king.

King
This is great!

takes out a pot-bellied wicker flask from the bag hanging over his shoulder

Hostess, three glasses!

Mistress
If you please, sir!

King
This is a precious, three-hundred-year-old royal wine, No, no, don't offend me. Let's celebrate our meeting.

pours wine

Color, what a color! If the costume were made this color, all the other kings would burst with envy! Well, goodbye! Drink to the bottom!

Master
Don't drink, wife.

King
What do you mean, “don’t drink”?

Master
And it's very simple!

King
Do you want to offend?

Master
That's not the point...

King
Offend? Guest?

grabs the sword

Master
Hush, hush, you! Not at home.

King
Do you want to teach me?! Yes, I just blink my eye - and you’re gone. I don't care if I'm at home or not. The ministers will write off, I will express my regret. And you will remain in the damp earth forever and ever. At home, not at home... Insolent! Still smiling... Drink!

Master
I won't!

King
Why?

Master
Yes, because the wine is poisoned, king!

King
Which one?

Master
Poisoned, poisoned!

King
Think what you made up!

Master
Drink first! Drink, drink!

laughs

That's it, brother!

throws all three glasses into the fireplace

King
Well, this is really stupid! If I didn't want to drink, I would have poured the potion back into the bottle. A must-have item on the road! Is it easy to get poison in a foreign land?

Mistress
Shame, shame, Your Majesty!

King
It's not my fault!

Mistress
And who?

King
Uncle! He’ll start talking the same way, sometimes, with whomever he has to, he’ll tell three stories about himself, and then he’ll feel ashamed. And his soul was subtle, delicate, easily vulnerable. And in order not to suffer later, he would even poison his interlocutor.

Master
Scoundrel!

King
Uniform brute! He left an inheritance, you scoundrel!

Master
So it's your uncle's fault?

King
Uncle, uncle, uncle! There's nothing to smile about! I am a well-read and conscientious person. Another would have blamed his meanness on his comrades, on his superiors, on his neighbors, on his wife. And I blame my ancestors as if they were dead. They don't care, but it's easier for me.

Master
A…

King
Shut up! I know what you will say! To answer for yourself, without blaming your neighbors, for all your meanness and stupidity is beyond human strength! I'm not some kind of genius. Just a king, like a dime a dozen. Well, enough about that! Everything became clear. You know me, I know you: you don’t have to pretend, you don’t have to break. Why are you frowning? We remained alive and healthy, well, thank God... What is there...

Mistress
Please tell me, king, and princess too...

King (very soft)
Oh, no, no, what are you talking about! She's completely different.

Mistress
What a disaster!

King
Isn't it true? She is very kind to me. And nice. It's hard for her...

Mistress
Is your mother alive?

King
She died when the princess was only seven minutes old. Don't hurt my daughter.

Mistress
King!

King
Ah, I cease to be a king when I see her or think about her. Friends, my friends, what a blessing that I love only my own daughter so much! A stranger would twist ropes out of me, and I would die from it. I would rest in God... Yes... That's it.

Master (takes an apple out of his pocket)
Eat an apple!

King
Thank you, I don't want to.

Master
Good. Not poisonous!

King
Yes, I know. That's it, my friends. I wanted to tell you about all my worries and sorrows. And if you really wanted to, it’s over! Can't resist. I'll tell you! A? Can?

Master
Well, what is there to ask? Sit down, wife. More comfortable. Closer to the hearth. So I sat down. So are you comfortable? Should I bring some water? Should I close the windows?

King
No, no, thanks.

Master
We are listening, Your Majesty! Tell us!

King
Thank you. Do you know, my friends, where my country is located?

Master
I know.

King
Where?

Master
Far away.

King
Absolutely right. And now you will find out why we went to travel and got so far. She is the reason for this.

Master
Princess?

King
Yes! She. The fact is, my friends, that the princess was not yet five years old when I noticed that she did not at all look like a royal daughter. At first I was horrified. He even suspected his poor late wife of cheating. He began to find out, ask questions, and abandoned the investigation halfway. I got scared. I managed to become so attached to the girl! I even began to like that she was so unusual. You come to the nursery - and suddenly, I’m ashamed to say, you become cute. Heh heh. At least give up the throne... This is all between us, gentlemen!

Master
Well, of course! Certainly!

King
It was getting ridiculous. You used to sign someone’s death warrant and laugh, remembering her funny pranks and words. Fun, right?

Master
No, why not!

King
Here you go. That's how we lived. The girl is getting smarter and growing up. What would a real good father do in my place? I would gradually accustom my daughter to everyday rudeness, cruelty, and deceit. And I, a damned egoist, was so used to resting my soul next to her that, on the contrary, I began to protect the poor thing from everything that could spoil her. Meanness, right?

Master
No, why not!

King
Meanness, meanness! Driven to the palace the best people from all over the kingdom. I assigned them to my daughter. Things happen behind the wall that make you feel creepy. Do you know what a royal palace is?

Master
Wow!

King
That's exactly it! Behind the wall, people are crushing each other, cutting up their brothers, strangling their sisters... In a word, everyday, everyday life goes on. And you enter half of the princess - there is music, talk about good people, about poetry, an eternal holiday. Well, this wall collapsed because of a pure trifle. I remember it now - it was on Saturday. I’m sitting, working, checking the ministers’ reports against each other. My daughter is sitting next to me, embroidering a scarf for my name day... Everything is quiet, peaceful, the birds are singing. Suddenly the master of ceremonies enters and reports: aunt has arrived. Duchess. And I couldn't stand her. Shrill woman. I tell the master of ceremonies: tell her that I’m not at home. Trifle?

Master
Trifle.

King
This is a trifle for you and me, because we are people like people. And my poor daughter, whom I raised as if in a greenhouse, fainted!

Master
Well, yes?

King
Honestly. You see, she was amazed that dad, her dad, could tell a lie. She began to get bored, thoughtful, languishing, and I was confused. The grandfather on my mother’s side suddenly woke up in me. He was a sissy. He was so afraid of pain that at the slightest misfortune he froze, did nothing, and kept hoping for the best. When his beloved wife was being strangled in front of him, he stood next to him and persuaded him: be patient, maybe everything will work out! And when she was buried, he walked behind the coffin and whistled. And then he fell and died. Is he a good boy?

Master
Much better.

King
Did heredity wake up in time? Do you understand what a tragedy it turned out to be? The princess wanders around the palace, thinks, looks, listens, and I sit on the throne with my arms folded and whistle. The princess is about to find out something about me that will kill her, and I smile helplessly. But one night I suddenly woke up. Jumped up. He ordered the horses to be harnessed - and at dawn we were already racing along the road, graciously responding to the low bows of our kind subjects.

Mistress
My God, how sad all this is!

King
We didn't stay with our neighbors. Neighbors are known to be gossipers. We rushed further and further until we reached the Carpathian Mountains, where no one had ever heard anything about us. The air here is clean, mountainous. Let me stay with you until we build a castle with all the amenities, a garden, a dungeon and playgrounds...

Mistress
I'm afraid that...

Master
Don't be afraid, please! Please! I beg you! I love it all so much! Well, dear, well, dear! Let's go, let's go, Your Majesty, I'll show you the rooms.

King
Thank you!

Master (lets the king go ahead)
Please come here, Your Majesty! Be careful, there's a step here. Like this.

turns to his wife | in a whisper

Give me at least one day to be naughty! Falling in love is useful! He won't die, my God!

runs away

Mistress
Well, no! Have fun! How can such a girl endure it when a sweet and affectionate young man turns into a wild beast before her eyes? For an experienced woman, even that would be scary. I won't allow it! I’ll persuade this poor bear to endure a little longer, to look for another princess, worse. By the way, his horse is standing unsaddled, snorting into the oats - which means he is full and rested. Get on horseback and ride over the mountains! Then you'll come back!

calling

Son! Son! Where are you?

Bear
Here I am.

Mistress (behind the scenes)
Come out to my kindergarten!

Bear
I'm running!

opens the door | behind the door there is a girl with a bouquet in her hands

Sorry, I think I pushed you, dear girl?

girl drops flowers | the bear picks them up

CHARACTERS

Master.
Household.
Bear.
King.
Princess.
M i n i s t r - a d m i n i s t r a t o r.
FIRST MINISTRY.
Court lady.
O r i n t i a .
A m a n d a.
T r a k t i r s h i k.
O h o t n i k.
Student of the hunter.
P a la ch.

PROLOGUE

A man appears in front of the curtain and speaks quietly and thoughtfully to the audience:

- “An Ordinary Miracle” - what a strange name! If a miracle means something extraordinary! And if it’s ordinary, then it’s not a miracle.
The answer is that we are talking about love. A boy and a girl fall in love with each other - which is common. They quarrel - which is also not uncommon. They almost die of love. And finally, the strength of their feeling reaches such a height that it begins to work real miracles - which is both surprising and ordinary.
You can talk about love and sing songs, but we will tell a fairy tale about it.
In a fairy tale, the ordinary and the miraculous are very conveniently placed side by side and are easily understood if you look at the fairy tale as a fairy tale. Like in childhood. Don't look for hidden meaning in it. A fairy tale is told not in order to hide, but in order to reveal, to say with all your might, out loud what you think.
Among the characters in our fairy tale, who are closer to the “ordinary” ones, you will recognize people whom you meet quite often. For example, the king. You can easily recognize in him an ordinary apartment despot, a frail tyrant who deftly knows how to explain his outrages by considerations of principle. Or dystrophy of the heart muscle. Or psychasthenia. Or even heredity. In the fairy tale, he is made a king so that his character traits reach their natural limit. You will also recognize the minister-administrator, the dashing supplier. And an honored figure in hunting. And some others.
But the heroes of the fairy tale, who are closer to the “miracle,” are devoid of the everyday features of today. Such are the wizard, and his wife, and the princess, and the bear.
How do such different people get along in one fairy tale? And it's very simple. Just like in life.
And our fairy tale begins simply. One wizard got married, settled down and started farming. But no matter how you feed the wizard, he is always drawn to miracles, transformations and amazing adventures. And so he got involved in the love story of those very young people I spoke about at the beginning. And everything got confused, mixed up - and finally unraveled so unexpectedly that the wizard himself, accustomed to miracles, clasped his hands in surprise.
It all ended in grief for the lovers or in happiness - you will find out at the very end of the fairy tale.

Disappears.

ACT ONE

Estate in the Carpathian Mountains. Large room, sparkling clean. On the hearth is a dazzlingly sparkling copper coffee pot. A bearded man, huge in height, broad-shouldered, sweeps the room and talks to himself at the top of his voice. This is the owner of the estate.

Master. Like this! That's great! I work and work, as befits an owner, everyone will look and praise, everything with me is like that of other people. I don’t sing, I don’t dance, I don’t tumble like a wild animal. The owner of an excellent estate in the mountains cannot roar like a bison, no, no! I work without any liberties... Ah! (Listens, covers her face with her hands.) She's coming! She! She! Her steps... I've been married for fifteen years, and I'm still in love with my wife, like a boy, honestly! It's coming! She! (Giggles shyly.) What a trifle, my heart is beating so hard it even hurts... Hello, wife!

The hostess enters, still a young, very attractive woman.

Hello wife, hello! It’s been a long time since we parted, just an hour ago, but I’m glad to see you, as if we haven’t seen each other for a year, that’s how much I love you... (Getting scared.) What’s wrong with you? Who dared to offend you?
Household. You.
Master. It can't be! Oh, I'm rude! Poor woman, standing there so sad, shaking her head... What a disaster! What have I, damned one, done?
Household. Think about it.
Master. Well, where is there to think... Speak, don’t be tormented...
Household. What did you do this morning in the chicken coop?
Khozyain (laughs). So it’s me who loves!
Household. Thank you for such love. I open the chicken coop, and suddenly - hello! All my chickens have four legs...
Master. Well, what's offensive about that?
Household. And the chicken has a mustache like a soldier.
Master. Ha ha ha!
Household. Who promised to improve? Who promised to live like everyone else?
Master. Well, dear, well, dear, well, forgive me! What can you do... After all, I’m a wizard!
Household. You never know!
Master. The morning was fun, the sky was clear, there was nowhere to put any energy, it was so good. I wanted to fool around...
Household. Well, I would do something useful for the economy. They brought sand over there to sprinkle the paths. I would take it and turn it into sugar.
Master. Well, what a prank this is!
Household. Or he would turn those stones that were piled near the barn into cheese.
Master. Not funny!
Household. Well, what should I do with you? I fight, I fight, and you are still the same wild hunter, mountain wizard, crazy bearded man!
Master. I'm trying!
Household. So everything is going nicely, like with people, and suddenly there’s a bang - thunder, lightning, miracles, transformations, fairy tales, all sorts of legends... Poor thing... (Kisses him.) Well, go, dear!
Master. Where?
Household. To the chicken coop.
Master. For what?
Household. Fix what you did there.
Master. I can't!
Household. Well please!
Master. I can't. You yourself know how things are in the world. Sometimes you mess around, and then you’ll fix everything. And sometimes there’s a click and there’s no turning back! I already beat these chickens with a magic wand, and curled them with a whirlwind, and struck them seven times with lightning - all in vain! This means that what has been done here cannot be corrected.
Household. Well, nothing can be done... I will shave the chicken every day, and turn away from chickens. Well, now let's move on to the most important thing. Who are you waiting for?
Master. No one.
Household. Look me in the eyes.
Master. I'm watching.
Household. Tell the truth, what will happen? What kind of guests should we receive today? People? Or will ghosts come and play dice with you? Don't be afraid, speak up. If we have the ghost of a young nun, I will even be glad. She promised to bring back from the other world a pattern for a blouse with wide sleeves, such as was worn three hundred years ago. This style is back in fashion. Will the nun come?
Master. No.
Household. It's a pity. So there won't be anyone? No? Do you really think that you can hide the truth from your wife? You'd rather deceive yourself than me. Look, your ears are burning, sparks are flying from your eyes...
Master. Not true! Where?
Household. There they are! That's how they sparkle. Don't be shy, admit it! Well? Together!
Master. OK! We will have guests today. Forgive me, I'm trying. Became a homebody. But... But the soul asks for something... magical. No offense!
Household. I knew who I was marrying.
Master. There will be guests! Here, now, now!
Household. Correct your collar quickly. Pull up your sleeves!
Khozyain (laughs). Do you hear, do you hear? On his way.

The approaching clatter of hooves.

It's him, it's him!
Household. Who?
Master. The same young man because of whom amazing events will begin for us. What a joy! That's nice!
Household. Is this a young man like a young man?
Master. Yes, yes!
Household. That’s good, my coffee just boiled.

There's a knock on the door.

Master. Come in, come in, we've been waiting for a long time! I'm very glad!

A young man enters. Dressed elegantly. Modest, simple, thoughtful. Silently bows to the owners.

(Hugs him.) Hello, hello, son!
Household. Sit down at the table, please, have some coffee, please. What's your name, son?
Yu nosha. Bear.
Household. How do you say?
Yu nosha. Bear.
Household. What an inappropriate nickname!
Yu nosha. It's not a nickname at all. I really am a bear.
Household. No, what are you... Why? You move so deftly, speak so softly.
Yu nosha. You see... Your husband turned me into a human seven years ago. And he did it perfectly. He is a magnificent wizard. He has golden hands, mistress.
Master. Thank you, son! (Shakes Bear's hand.)
Household. This is true?
Master. That's when it happened! Expensive! Seven years ago!
Household. Why didn’t you admit this to me right away?
Master. Forgot! I simply forgot, that’s all! I was walking, you know, through the forest, and I saw a young bear. Still a teenager. The head is forehead, the eyes are intelligent. We talked, word for word, I liked him. I picked a nut branch, made a magic wand out of it - one, two, three - and that... Well, I don’t understand why I should be angry. The weather was good, the sky was clear...
Household. Shut up! I can't stand it when animals are tortured for their own amusement. An elephant is forced to dance in a muslin skirt, a nightingale is put in a cage, a tiger is taught to swing on a swing. Is it difficult for you, son?
Bear. Yes, mistress! Being a real person is very difficult.
Household. Poor boy! (To her husband.) What do you want, heartless?
Master. I'm happy! I love my work. A man will make a statue from a dead stone - and then be proud if the work is a success. Go ahead and make something even more alive out of a living thing. What a job!
Household. What a job! Pranks, and nothing more. Oh, sorry, son, he hid from me who you were, and I served sugar with my coffee.
Bear. This is very kind of you! Why are you asking for forgiveness?
Household. But you gotta love honey...
Bear. No, I can't see him! It brings back memories for me.
Household. Now, now, turn him into a bear, if you love me! Let him go free!
Master. Darling, darling, everything will be fine! This is why he came to visit us, to become a bear again.
Household. Is it true? Well, I'm very glad. Are you going to transform it here? Should I leave the room?
Bear. Don't rush, dear hostess. Alas, this will not happen so soon. I will become a bear again only when the princess falls in love with me and kisses me.
Household. When, when? Say it again!
Bear. When the first princess I come across loves me and kisses me, I will immediately turn into a bear and run away to my native mountains.
Household. My God, how sad this is!
Master. Hello! Didn't please me again... Why?
Household. Haven't you even thought about the princess?
Master. Nonsense! Falling in love is healthy.
Household. A poor girl in love will kiss a young man, and he will suddenly turn into a wild beast?
Master. It's an everyday matter, wife.
Household. But then he will run away into the forest!
Master. And this happens.
Household. Son, son, will you leave the girl you love?
Bear. Seeing that I am a bear, she will immediately stop loving me, mistress.
Household. What do you know about love, boy! (Takes her husband aside. Quietly.) I don’t want to scare the boy, but you, husband, have started a dangerous, dangerous game! You churned butter with earthquakes, nailed nails with lightning, a hurricane brought us furniture, dishes, mirrors, mother-of-pearl buttons from the city. I'm accustomed to everything, but now I'm afraid.
Master. What?
Household. Hurricane, earthquake, lightning - all these are nothing. We will have to deal with people. And even with young people. And with lovers too! I feel that something that we are not expecting will certainly, certainly happen!
Master. Well, what could happen? The princess won't fall in love with him? Nonsense! Look how nice he is...
Household. What if...

The pipes are thundering.

Master. It's too late to talk here, dear. I made it so that one of the kings, passing along the high road, suddenly desperately wanted to turn to our estate!

The pipes are thundering.

And so he comes here with his retinue, ministers and the princess, his only daughter. Run, son! We will accept them ourselves. When necessary, I will call you.

The bear runs away.

Household. And won't you be ashamed to look the king in the eyes?
Master. Not a bit! Frankly speaking, I can’t stand kings!
Household. Still a guest!
Master. Screw him! He has an executioner in his retinue, and a chopping block is carried in his luggage.
Household. Maybe it's just gossip?
Master. You'll see. Now a rude person, a boor, will come in and start acting up, giving orders, demanding.
Household. What if not! After all, we will disappear in shame!
Master. You'll see!

There's a knock on the door.

Bear. Here I am.
Housewife (behind the scenes). Come out to my kindergarten!
Bear. I'm running!

Opens the door. Behind the door is a girl with a bouquet in her hands.

Sorry, I think I pushed you, dear girl?

The girl drops flowers. The bear picks them up.

What's wrong with you? Did I scare you?
Young woman. No. I was just a little confused. You see, until now no one has simply called me: dear girl.
Bear. I didn't mean to offend you!
Young woman. But I wasn’t offended at all!
Bear. Well, thank God! My problem is that I'm terribly truthful. If I see that a girl is nice, then I tell her so directly.
The voices of the housewives. Son, son, I'm waiting for you!
Young woman. Is this your name?
Bear. Me.
Young woman. Are you the son of the owner of this house?
Bear. No, I'm an orphan.
Young woman. Me too. That is, my father is alive, and my mother died when I was only seven minutes old.
Bear. But you probably have a lot of friends?
Young woman. Why do you think?
Bear. I don’t know... It seems to me that everyone should love you.
Young woman. For what?
Bear. You are very gentle. Really... Tell me, when you hide your face in flowers, does it mean that you are angry?
Young woman. No.
Bear. Then I’ll tell you this: you are beautiful. You are so beautiful! Very. Marvelous. Terrible.
The voices of the housewives. Son, son, where are you?
Bear. Please don't leave!
Young woman. But it’s your name.
Bear. Yes. Name: And here's what else I'll tell you. I really liked you. Terrible. Straightaway.

The girl laughs.

Am I funny?
Young woman. No. But... what else should I do? I don't know. After all, no one spoke to me like that...
Bear. I'm very happy about this. My God, what am I doing? You are probably tired from the road, hungry, and I keep chatting and chatting. Please sit down. Here's the milk. Pairs. Drink! Come on! With bread, with bread!

The girl obeys. She drinks milk and eats bread, not taking her eyes off the Bear.

Young woman. Tell me please, are you not a wizard?
Bear. No, what are you talking about!
Young woman. Why then do I obey you so much? I had a very hearty breakfast just five minutes ago - and now I’m drinking milk again, and with bread. Honestly, you're not a wizard?
Bear. Honestly.
Young woman. Why, when you said... that you... liked me, then... I felt some strange weakness in my shoulders and arms and... Forgive me for asking you about this, but who should I ask again? We suddenly became friends! Right?
Bear. Yes, yes!
Young woman. I don’t understand anything... Is today a holiday?
Bear. Don't know. Yes. Holiday.
Young woman. I knew it.
Bear. Tell me, please, who are you? Are you part of the king's retinue?
Young woman. No.
Bear. Ah, I understand! Are you from the princess's retinue?
Young woman. What if I am the princess herself?
Bear. No, no, don't joke with me so cruelly!
Young woman. What's wrong with you? You suddenly turned so pale! What did I say?
Bear. No, no, you are not a princess. No! I wandered around the world for a long time and saw many princesses - you are not at all like them!
Young woman. But...
Bear. No, no, don't torture me. Talk about whatever you want, just not this.
Young woman. Fine. You... You say that you have wandered around the world a lot?
Bear. Yes. I kept studying and studying, both at the Sorbonne, and in Leiden, and in Prague. It seemed to me that it was very difficult for a person to live, and I became completely sad. And then I began to study.
Young woman. So how?
Bear. It didn't help.
Young woman. Are you still sad?
Bear. Not all the time, but I'm sad.
Young woman. How strange! But it seemed to me that you were so calm, joyful, simple!
Bear. This is because I am healthy as a bear. What's wrong with you? Why are you suddenly blushing?
Young woman. I don't know myself. After all, I have changed so much in the last five minutes that I don’t know myself at all. Now I'll try to understand what's going on here. I... I was scared!
Bear. What?
Young woman. You said that you are healthy as a bear. Bear... Just kidding. And I am so defenseless with this magical humility of mine. Will you offend me?
Bear. Give me your hand.

The girl obeys. The bear gets down on one knee. He kisses her hand.

May thunder kill me if I ever offend you. Where you go, I will go; when you die, then I will die.

The pipes are thundering.

Young woman. My God! I completely forgot about them. The retinue finally reached the place. (Approaches the window.) What yesterday’s, homely faces! Let's hide from them!
Bear. Yes, yes!
Young woman. Let's run to the river!

They run away holding hands. The hostess immediately enters the room. She smiles through her tears.

Household. Oh, my God, my God! Standing here under the window, I heard their entire conversation from word to word. But she didn’t dare go in and separate them. Why? Why am I crying and rejoicing like a fool? After all, I understand that this cannot end in anything good, but there is a holiday in my heart. Well, a hurricane came, love came. Poor children, happy children!

A timid knock on the door.

Sign in!

A very quiet, casually dressed man enters with a bundle in his hands.

Person: Hello, hostess! Sorry for barging in on you. Maybe I got in the way? Maybe I should leave?
Household. No, no, what are you talking about! Please sit down!
Man: Can I put a bundle?
Household. Of course, please!
Person: You are very kind. Oh, what a nice, comfortable hearth! And a skewer handle! And a hook for the teapot!
Household. Are you a royal chef?
Man: No, mistress, I am the king's first minister.
Household. Who, who?
M i n i s t r. His Majesty's First Minister.
Household. Oh, sorry...
M i n i s t r. It’s okay, I’m not angry... Once upon a time everyone guessed at first glance that I was a minister. I was radiant, so majestic. Experts argued that it was difficult to understand who was more important and worthy - me or the royal cats. And now... You see for yourself...
Household. What brought you to this state?
M i n i s t r. Dear, mistress.
Household. Road?
M i n i s t r. For some reason, we, a group of courtiers, were torn from our usual surroundings and sent to foreign countries. This in itself is painful, and then there is this tyrant.
Household. King?
M i n i s t r. What are you, what are you! We have long been accustomed to His Majesty. A tyrant is a minister-administrator.
Household. But if you are the first minister, is he your subordinate? How can he be your tyrant?
M i n i s t r. He took away such power that we all tremble before him.
Household. How did he manage to do this?
M i n i s t r. He is the only one of us who knows how to travel. He knows how to get horses at the post station, get a carriage, feed us. True, he does all this badly, but we cannot do anything like that at all. Don't tell him that I complained, otherwise he will leave me without sweets.
Household. Why don't you complain to the king?
M i n i s t r. Ah, he serves and supplies the king so well... as they say in business language... that the sovereign does not want to hear anything.

Two ladies-in-waiting and a court lady enter.

LADY (speaks softly, quietly, pronounces every word with aristocratic clarity). God knows when it will end! We'll be lurking among the pigs here until this poisonous bastard deigns to give us soap. Hello, hostess, sorry that we don't knock. On the road we became wild as hell.
M i n i s t r. Yes, here it is, the road! Men become quiet from horror, and women become menacing. Let me introduce you to the beauty and pride of the royal retinue - the first lady of the cavalry.
D a m a. My God, how long ago I haven’t heard such words! (Curtsies.) I’m very glad, damn it. (Introduces the hostess.) The maids of honor are Princesses Orinthia and Amanda.

The ladies-in-waiting curtsey.

Sorry, mistress, but I'm beside myself! His damned Excellency the Minister-Administrator did not give us today powder, quelkfleur perfume and glycerin soap, which softens the skin and protects against chapping. I am convinced that he sold it all to the natives. Would you believe it, when we left the capital, he only had a pitiful cardboard box from under his hat, which contained a sandwich and his pitiful underpants. (To the Minister.) Don’t flinch, my dear, that’s what we saw on the road! I repeat: long johns. And now the impudent man has thirty-three caskets and twenty-two suitcases, not counting what he sent home with the opportunity.
O r i n t i a . And the worst thing is that now we can only talk about breakfast, lunch and dinner.
A m a n d a. Is this why we left our native palace?
D a m a. The brute does not want to understand that the main thing in our journey is subtle feelings: the feelings of the princess, the feelings of the king. We were taken into the retinue as delicate, sensitive, sweet women. I'm ready to suffer. Don't sleep at night. She even agrees to die to help the princess. But why endure unnecessary, unnecessary, humiliating torment because of a camel that has lost its shame?
Household. Would you like to wash yourself off the road, madam?
D a m a. We don't have soap!
Household. I will give you everything you need and as much hot water as you need.
D a m a. You are a saint! (Kisses the hostess.) Wash! Remember settled life! What happiness!
Household. Come on, let's go, I'll take you with you. Sit down, sir! I'll be right back and buy you some coffee.

Leaves with the lady of the court and ladies-in-waiting. The minister sits down by the fire. The minister-administrator enters.
The First Minister jumps up.

MINISTR (timidly). Hello!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. A?
M i n i s t r. I said: hello!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. See you!
M i n i s t r. Oh, why, why are you so impolite to me?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. I didn't say a single bad word to you. (Takes it out of his pocket notebook and goes deep into some calculations.)
M i n i s t r. Excuse me... Where are our suitcases?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Here are the people! Everything about yourself, everything only about yourself!
M i n i s t r. But I...
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. If you interfere, I'll leave you without breakfast.
M i n i s t r. No, I'm okay. It’s so simple... I’ll go look for it myself... the suitcase. My God, when will all this end! (Leaves.)
ADMINISTRATOR (mutters, immersed in a book). Two pounds for the courtier, and four in the mind... Three pounds for the king, and one and a half in the mind. A pound for the princess, but half a pound in your mind. Total in mind is six pounds! In one morning! Well done. Smart girl.

The hostess enters. The administrator winks at her.

Exactly at midnight!
Household. What's at midnight?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Come to the barn. I have no time to look after. You are attractive, I am attractive - why waste time? At midnight. At the barn. I am waiting. You won't regret it.
Household. How dare you!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Yes, my dear, I dare. I look at the princess too, ha-ha, meaningfully, but the fool doesn’t understand anything like that yet. I won't miss mine!
Household. Are you crazy?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. What are you, on the contrary! I'm so normal that I surprise myself.
Household. Well, then you're just a scoundrel.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Oh, darling, who's good? The whole world is such that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Today, for example, I see a butterfly flying. The head is tiny, brainless. With wings - bang, bang - stupid fool! This sight had such an effect on me that I stole two hundred gold pieces from the king. What is there to be ashamed of when the whole world is created completely not to my taste. Birch is a dumbass, oak is an ass. River is an idiot. Clouds are idiots. People are scammers. All! Even infants dream of only one thing, how to eat and sleep. Screw him! What is there really? Will you come?
Household. I won't even think about it. Moreover, I’ll complain to my husband, and he’ll turn you into a rat.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Excuse me, is he a wizard?
Household. Yes.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. We need to warn you! In that case, forget about my arrogant proposal. (Patter.) I consider it an ugly mistake. I am an extremely mean person. I repent, I repent, I ask for an opportunity to make amends. All. Where, however, are these damned courtiers!
Household. Why do you hate them so much?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. I don't know myself. But the more I profit from them, the more I hate them.
Household. When they return home, they will remember everything to you.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Nonsense! They will return, be touched, rejoice, fuss, and forget everything.

He blows the trumpet. Enter the first minister, the lady of the court, and the ladies-in-waiting.

Where are you hanging around, gentlemen? I can’t run after everyone individually. Oh! (To the lady of the court.) Have you washed?
D a m a. I washed my face, damn me!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. I warn you: if you wash your face over my head, I absolve myself of all responsibility. There must be a certain order, gentlemen. Then do everything yourself! What is it really...
M i n i s t r. Quiet! His Majesty is coming here!

The king and master enter. The courtiers bow low.

King. Honestly, I really like it here. The whole house is arranged so nicely, with such love that it would take it away! It’s good that I’m not at home! At home I could not resist and would imprison you in a lead tower for market square. Terrible place! Hot during the day, cold at night. The prisoners suffer so much that even the jailers sometimes cry with pity... I would imprison you and leave the house for myself!
Khozyain (laughs). What a monster!
King. What did you think? King - from crown to toe! Twelve generations of ancestors - and all monsters, one to one! Madam, where is my daughter?
D a m a. Your Majesty! The princess ordered us to stand down. Their Highness was pleased to pick flowers in a lovely clearing, near a noisy mountain stream, in complete solitude.
King. How dare you leave the baby alone! There may be snakes in the grass, the stream is blowing!
Household. No, king, no! Don't be afraid for her. (Points out the window.) There she comes, alive, healthy!
KING (rushes to the window). Is it true! Yes, yes, that’s right, there, there goes my only daughter. (Laughs.) Laughed! (Frowns.) And now I’m thinking... (She beams.) And now she smiles. Yes, how tender, how affectionate! Who is this young man with her? She likes him, which means I like him too. What is his origin?
Master. Magic!
King. Wonderful. Are your parents alive?
Master. They died.
King. Fabulous! Any brothers, sisters?
Master. No.
King. It couldn't be better. I will give him a title, a fortune, and let him travel with us. He can't be bad person, if we liked it so much. Mistress, is he a nice young man?
Household. Very, but...
King. No "buts"! A man has not seen his daughter joyful for a hundred years, and they say “but” to him! Enough, it's over! I'm happy - that's all! Today I will go on a fun, good-natured spree, with all sorts of harmless antics, like my great-great-grandfather, who drowned in an aquarium while trying to catch with his teeth goldfish. Open a barrel of wine! Two barrels! Three! Get the plates ready - I'll hit them! Remove the bread from the barn - I will set the barn on fire! And send to the city for glass and a glazier! We are happy, we are cheerful, everything will go now like in a good dream!

The Princess and the Bear enter.

Princess. Hello, gentlemen!
Courtiers (in chorus). Hello, Your Royal Highness!

The bear freezes in horror.

Princess. True, I already saw you all today, but it seems to me that it was so long ago! Gentlemen, this young man is mine best friend.
King. I grant him the title of prince!

The courtiers bow low to the Bear, he looks around in horror.

Princess. Thank you, dad! Gentlemen! As a child, I envied girls who had brothers. It seemed to me that it was very interesting when such a desperate, stern and cheerful creature lived near the house, so unlike us. And this creature loves you because you love him sister. And now I don't regret it. I think he...

Takes the Bear by the hand. He shudders.

In my opinion, I like him even more than my own brother. They quarrel with their brothers, but, in my opinion, I could never quarrel with him. He loves what I love, understands me, even when I speak incomprehensibly, and I feel very at ease with him. I also understand him as I understand myself. See how angry he is. (Laughs.) Do you know why? I hid from him that I was a princess, he hates them. I wanted him to see how different I was from other princesses. My dear, I can’t stand them either! No, no, please don't look at me with such horror! Well, please! After all, it's me! Remember! Don't be angry! Don't scare me! No need! Well, do you want me to kiss you?
Bear (with horror). No way!
Princess. I don't understand!
Bear (quietly, with despair). Farewell, farewell forever! (Runs away.)

Pause. The hostess is crying.

Princess. What did I do to him? Will he come back?

Desperate clatter of hooves.

KING (at the window). Where are you going?! (Runs out.)

The courtiers and the owner are behind him. The princess rushes to her mistress.

Princess. You called him son. You know him. What did I do to him?
Household. Nothing, dear. It's not your fault. Don't shake your head, trust me!
Princess. No, no, I understand, I understand everything! He didn’t like that I took his hand in front of everyone. He flinched so much when I did this. And this... this is also... I spoke about brothers in a terribly ridiculous way... I said: it’s interesting when a unlike creature lives nearby... A creature... It’s so bookish, so stupid. Or... or... My God! How could I forget the most shameful thing! I told him I'd kiss him, and he...

The king, the owner, and the courtiers enter.

King. He rode off without looking back on his crazy horse, straight without a road, into the mountains.

The princess runs away.

Where are you going? What you? (Rushes after her.)

You can hear the key clicking in the lock. The king is returning. He's unrecognizable.

The executioner appears in the window.

Executioner. I'm waiting, sir.
King. Get ready!
Executioner. I'm waiting, sir!

Dull drumming.

King. Gentlemen of the court, pray! The princess locked herself in the room and won’t let me in. You will all be executed!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. King!
King. All! Hey, are you there? Hourglass!

The king's servant enters. He places a large hourglass on the table.

I will only have mercy on the one who, while the sand is ticking, explains everything to me and teaches me how to help the princess. Think, gentlemen, think. The sand runs fast! Speak one at a time, briefly and precisely. First Minister!
M i n i s t r. Sir, in my extreme understanding, elders should not interfere in the love affairs of children, if they are good children, of course.
King. You will die first, Your Excellency. (To the lady of the court.) Speak, madam!
D a m a. Many, many years ago, sir, I stood at the window, and a young man on a black horse rushed away from me along a mountain road. It was quiet and quiet moonlit night. The clatter of hooves grew quieter and quieter in the distance...
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Speak quickly, you damned one! The sand is pouring down!
King. Don't interfere!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. After all, one serving for everyone. What's left for us!
King. Carry on, madam.
LADY (slowly, looking triumphantly at the administrator). I thank you with all my heart, Your Royal Majesty! So, it was a quiet, quiet moonlit night. The clatter of hooves died down and died away in the distance and finally fell silent forever... I have never seen the poor boy since then. And, as you know, sir, I married someone else - and now I’m alive, calm and faithfully serving your Majesty.
King. Were you happy after he rode away?
D a m a. Not a single minute in my entire life!
King. You too will lay your head on the block, madam!

The lady bows with dignity.

(To the administrator.) Report!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Most best way To console the princess is to marry her to a man who has proven his practicality, knowledge of life, management and is with the king.
King. Are you talking about the executioner?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. What are you, Your Majesty! I don’t know him from this side at all...
King. You'll find out. Amanda!
A m a n d a. King, we have prayed and are ready to die.
King. And would you advise what we should do?
O r i n t i a . Each girl acts differently in similar cases. Only the princess herself can decide what to do here.

The door swings open. The princess appears on the threshold. She is in a man's dress, with a sword, pistols in her belt.

Master. Ha ha ha! Great girl! Well done!
King. Daughter! What you? Why are you scaring me? Where are you going?
Princess. I won't tell anyone this. Ride the horse!
King. Yes, yes, let's go, let's go!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Wonderful! Executioner, please go away, dear. They will feed you there. Remove the hourglass! Courtiers, get into the carriages!
Princess. Shut up! (Approaches his father.) I love you very much, father, don’t be angry with me, but I’m leaving alone.
King. No!
Princess. I swear that I will kill everyone who follows me! Remember all this.
King. Even me?
Princess. I have my own life now. Nobody understands anything, I won’t say anything to anyone anymore. I am alone, alone, and I want to be alone! Farewell! (Leaves.)

The king stands motionless for some time, stunned. The clatter of hooves brings him to his senses.
He rushes to the window.

King. Rides on horseback! No road! To the mountains! She'll get lost! She'll catch a cold! He will fall from the saddle and get tangled in the stirrup! Follow her! Next! What are you waiting for?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Your Majesty! The princess deigned to swear that she would shoot anyone who followed her!
King. Doesn't matter! I'll keep an eye on her from afar. Crawling after pebbles. Behind the bushes. I will hide in the grass from my own daughter, but I will not abandon her. Follow me!

Runs out. The courtiers are behind him.

Household. Well? Are you satisfied?
Master. Very!

Curtain

ACT TWO

Common room in the Emilia tavern. Late evening. The fire is burning in the fireplace. Light. Cosy. The walls tremble from desperate gusts of wind. Behind the counter is the innkeeper. This is a small, fast, slender, graceful person in his movements.

T r a k t i r s h i k. What a weather! Blizzard, storm, avalanches, landslides! Even the wild goats got scared and came running into my yard to ask for help. I’ve been living here for so many years, on a mountain top, among the eternal snow, but I don’t remember such a hurricane. It’s good that my inn is built reliably, like a good castle, the storerooms are full, the fire is burning. Tavern "Emilia"! Tavern "Emilia"... Emilia... Yes, yes... Hunters pass, woodcutters pass, mast pines are dragged, wanderers wander to God knows where, from God knows where, and they all ring the bell, knock on the door, come in to rest, talk, laugh, complain. And every time I, like a fool, hope that by some miracle she will suddenly come here. She's probably gray now. Gray-haired. I’ve been married for a long time... And yet I dream of at least hearing her voice. Emilia, Emilia...

The bell is ringing.

My God!

They knock on the door. The innkeeper rushes to open it.

Sign in! Please log in!

The king, ministers, and courtiers enter. They are all covered from head to toe, covered in snow.

To the fire, gentlemen, to the fire! Don't cry, ladies, please! I understand that it is difficult not to be offended when they hit you in the face, shove snow down your collar, push you into a snowdrift, but the storm does this without any malice, by accident. The storm just broke out - and that’s it. Let me help you. Like this. Hot wine, please. Like this!
M i n i s t r. What a wonderful wine!
T r a k t i r s h i k. Thank you! I grew the vine myself, I pressed the grapes myself, I aged the wine myself in my cellars and I serve it to people with my own hands. I do everything myself. I hated people when I was young, but this is so boring! After all, then you don’t want to do anything and you are overcome by fruitless, sad thoughts. And so I began to serve people and gradually became attached to them. Hot milk, ladies! Yes, I serve people and I am proud of it! I believe that the innkeeper is taller than Alexander the Great. He killed people, and I feed them, make them happy, hide them from the weather. Of course, I charge money for this, but Makedonsky did not work for free. More wine please! Who do I have the honor of speaking to? However, as you wish. I'm used to strangers hiding their names.
King. Innkeeper, I am the king.
T r a k t i r s h i k. Good evening, Your Majesty!
King. Good evening. I am very unhappy, innkeeper!
Traktirschik. It happens, Your Majesty.
King. You're lying, I'm incredibly unhappy! During this damn storm I felt better. And now I have warmed up, come to life, and all my worries and sorrows have come to life with me. What a disgrace! Give me more wine!
Traktirschik. Do me a favor!
King. My daughter is missing!
T r a k t i r sh i k. Ay-ay-ay!
King. These slackers, these parasites left the child unattended. The daughter fell in love, quarreled, dressed as a boy and disappeared. Didn't she stop by your place?
Traktirschik. Alas, no, sir!
King. Who lives in the tavern?
Traktirshchik. The famous hunter with two students.
King. Hunter? Call him! He could have met my daughter. After all, hunters hunt everywhere!
Traktirschik. Alas, sir, this hunter no longer hunts at all.
King. What does he do?
Traktirschik. Fights for his glory. He has already obtained fifty diplomas confirming that he is famous, and has shot down sixty detractors of his talent.
King. What is he doing here?
T r a k t i r s h i k. Resting! Fighting for your glory - what could be more tiring?
King. Well, then to hell with it. Hey, you there, sentenced to death! Let's go!
Traktirschik. Where are you going, sir? Think! You are going to certain death!
King. What do you care? It’s easier for me where they hit me in the face with snow and push me in the neck. Get up!

The courtiers rise.

Traktirschik. Wait, Your Majesty! There is no need to be capricious, there is no need to go to hell in spite of fate. I understand that when trouble comes, it is difficult to sit still...
King. Impossible!
Traktirschik. But sometimes you have to! On such a night you will not find anyone, but you yourself will go missing.
King. So be it!
Traktirschik. You can’t think only about yourself. Not a boy, thank God, the father of the family. Well, well, well! There is no need to grimace, clench your fists, or grind your teeth. Listen to me! I mean it! My hotel is equipped with everything that can benefit guests. Have you heard that people have now learned to transmit thoughts at a distance?
King. The court scientist tried to tell me something about this, but I fell asleep.
Traktirschik. And in vain! Now I will ask the neighbors about the poor princess without leaving this room.
King. Honestly?
Traktirschik. You'll see. A five-hour drive from us is a monastery where my best friend works as a housekeeper. This is the most curious monk in the world. He knows everything that is going on a hundred miles around. Now I will tell him everything that is required, and in a few seconds I will receive an answer. Hush, hush, my friends, don’t move, don’t sigh so heavily: I need to concentrate. So. I transmit thoughts at a distance. "Ay! Ay! Gop-hop! Monastery, cell nine, Father the steward. Father the housekeeper! Gop-hop! Ay! A girl in a man's dress got lost in the mountains. Tell me where she is. Kisses. Innkeeper." That's it. Madam, there is no need to cry. I'm getting ready for the reception, but women's tears upset me. Like this. Thank you. Quiet. I'm moving on to the reception. "Tavern "Emilia". To the innkeeper. I don't know, unfortunately. Two carcasses of black goats came to the monastery." Everything is clear! Father Economist, unfortunately, does not know where the princess is, and asks to be sent for the monastery meal...
King. Damn the meal! Ask other neighbors!
Traktirschik. Alas, sir, if the housekeeper doesn’t know anything, then everyone else even more so.
King. I'm about to swallow a bag of gunpowder, hit myself in the stomach and tear myself to pieces!
Traktirschik. These home remedies never help anything. (Takes a bunch of keys.) I will give you the largest room, sir!
King. What will I do there?
Traktirschik. Walk from corner to corner. And at dawn we will go on a search together. I'm telling you right. Here's the key. And you, gentlemen, receive the keys to your rooms. This is the smartest thing you can do today. You need to rest, my friends! Gain strength! Take candles. Like this. Follow me!

He leaves, accompanied by the king and courtiers. Immediately the disciple of the famous hunter enters the room. Looking around carefully, he calls like a quail. The chirping of a starling answers him, and a hunter looks into the room.

Student: Go boldly! There's no one here!
O HUNTER: If it’s the hunters who came here, then I’ll shoot you like a hare.
STUDENT: Yes, I have something to do with it! God!
Oh hunter. Shut up! Wherever I go to rest, cursed hunters crowd around. I hate it! Moreover, hunting wives immediately discuss hunting matters at random! Ugh! You're a fool!
Student: Lord! What do I have to do with it?
Oh hunter. Let it be known: if these visitors are hunters, then we are leaving immediately. Blockhead! Killing you is not enough!
STUDENT: What is this? Why are you torturing me, boss! Yes I...
Oh hunter. Shut up! Be silent when your elders are angry! What do you want? So that I, a real hunter, would waste charges for nothing? No, brother! This is why I keep students so that my abuse will offend at least someone. I have no family, bear with me. Did you send any letters?
Disciple: He took it before the storm. And when I walked back, then...
Oh hunter. Shut up! Did you send everything? And what's in the big envelope? The head of the hunt?
STUDENT: That's it, that's it! And when I walked back, I saw footprints. Both hare and fox.
Oh hunter. To hell with the tracks! I have time to do stupid things when down there fools and envious people are digging a hole for me.
STUDENT: Or maybe they don’t dig?
Oh hunter. They dig, I know them!
Student: Well, so be it. And we would shoot a whole mountain of game - that’s when they would be afraid of us... They would give us a hole, and we would give them prey, and it would turn out that we were good fellows, and they were scoundrels. I'd like to shoot...
Oh hunter. Donkey! I wish I could shoot... When they start discussing my every shot down there, you'll go crazy! He killed the fox, they say, like last year, but did not bring anything new to the hunt. And if, what good, you miss! I, who hitherto hit without missing a beat? Shut up! I'll kill you! (Very softly.) Where is my new student?
Student: Cleaning the gun.
Oh hunter. Well done!
Student: Of course! Whoever is new to you is great.
O h o t n i k. So what? Firstly, I don’t know him and can expect any miracles from him. Secondly, he doesn’t know me and therefore respects me without any reservations or considerations. Not like you!

The bell is ringing.

My fathers! Someone has arrived! In this weather! Honestly, this is some kind of hunter. I deliberately got out into the storm so that I could brag later...

There's a knock on the door.

Open up, fool! That would have killed you!
STUDENT: Lord, what do I have to do with this?

Unlocks the door. The Bear enters, covered in snow, stunned. He shakes himself off and looks around.

Bear. Where has this taken me?
O HUNTER: Go to the fire and warm yourself.
Bear. Thank you. Is this a hotel?
O h o t n i k. Yes. The owner will come out now. Are you a hunter?
Bear. What do you! What do you!
O HUNTER: Why are you talking about this with such horror?
Bear. I don't like hunters.
O HOTNIK: Do you know them, young man?
Bear. Yes, we met.
About the hunter. Hunters are the most worthy people on earth! These are all honest simple guys. They love what they do. They get stuck in swamps, climb mountain peaks, wander through thickets where even an animal has a terrible time. And they do all this not out of love for profit, not out of ambition, no, no! They are driven by noble passion! Understood?
Bear. No, I don't understand. But I beg you, let's not argue! I didn't know you loved hunters so much!
About the hunter. Who, me? I just can't stand it when outsiders scold them.
Bear. Okay, I won't scold them. I have no time for this.
Oh hunter. I am a hunter myself! Famous!
Bear. I'm really sorry.
O HUNTER: Not counting small game, I have shot in my time five hundred deer, five hundred goats, four hundred wolves and ninety-nine bears.

The bear jumps up.

Why did you jump up?
Bear. Killing bears is like killing children!
O h o t n i k. Good children! Have you seen their claws?
Bear. Yes. They are much shorter than hunting daggers.
O h o t n i k. And the strength of the bear?
Bear. There was no need to tease the beast.
Oh hunter. I’m so outraged that there are simply no words, I’ll have to shoot. (Screams.) Hey! Little boy! Bring your gun here! Alive! I'll kill you now, young man.
Bear. I don't care.
O h o t n i k. Where are you, boy? Gun, gun for me.

The princess runs in. She has a gun in her hands. The bear jumps up.

(To the princess.) Look, student, and learn. This impudent and ignorant man will now be killed. Don't feel sorry for him. He is not a person, because he does not understand anything about art. Give me the gun, boy. Why are you holding him close to you like a little child?

The innkeeper runs in.

Traktirschik. What happened? Ah, I understand. Give him the gun, boy, don't be afraid. While the famous hunter was resting after lunch, I poured out the gunpowder from all the charges. I know the habits of my honorable guest!
Oh hunter. Damn it!
Traktirschik. Not a curse at all, dear friend. You old brawlers are, deep down, happy when your hands are grabbed.
Oh hunter. Impudent!
T r a k t i r s h i k. Okay, okay! Better eat a double portion of hunting sausages.
O h o t n i k. Come on, to hell with you. And a double portion of hunting tincture.
Traktirschik. That’s better.
About the hunter (to the students). Sit down, boys. Tomorrow, when the weather becomes calmer, we'll go hunting.
Student: Hurray!
Oh hunter. In the hassle and bustle, I forgot how high this is, beautiful art. This fool got me going.
Traktirschik. Quiet! (He takes Bear to the far corner and seats him at the table.) Please sit down, sir. What's wrong with you? Are you unwell? Now I will cure you. I have a wonderful first aid kit for those passing by... Do you have a fever?
Bear. I don’t know... (Whispers.) Who is this girl?
T r a k t i r s h i k. Everything is clear... You are going crazy from unhappy love. Here, unfortunately, medications are powerless.
Bear. Who is this girl?
Traktirschik. She’s not here, poor fellow!
Bear. Well, why not! There she is whispering with the hunter.
Truck It's not her at all, it's him. This is just a student of the famous hunter. Do you understand me?
Bear. Thank you. Yes.
Oh hunter. What are you whispering about me?
Traktirschik. And not about you at all.
O h o t n i k. It doesn’t matter! I can't stand it when people stare at me. Take dinner to my room. Students, follow me!

The innkeeper carries a tray of dinner. The hunter with the student and the princess follow. The bear rushes after them. Suddenly the door bursts open before Bear can reach it. The princess is on the doorstep. For some time the princess and the bear look at each other in silence. But then the princess goes around the Bear, goes to the table at which she was sitting, takes a handkerchief forgotten there and heads towards the exit, without looking at the Bear.

Bear. Excuse me... Don't you have a sister?

The princess shakes her head.

Sit with me for a moment. Please! The fact is that you are surprisingly similar to the girl I need to forget as soon as possible. Where are you going?
Princess. I don't want to remind you of something that needs to be forgotten.
Bear. My God? And her voice!
Princess. You are delusional.
Bear. It may very well be. I'm in a fog.
Princess. Why?
Bear. I drove and drove for three days, without rest, without road. I would have ridden further, but my horse cried like a child when I wanted to pass this hotel.
Princess. Have you killed anyone?
Bear. No, what are you talking about!
Princess. From whom were you fleeing like a criminal?
Bear. From love.
Princess. What a funny story!
Bear. Don't laugh. I know: young people are a cruel people. After all, they haven’t had time to experience anything yet. I was like that myself just three days ago. But since then he has wised up. Have you ever been in love?
Princess. I don't believe in this nonsense.
Bear. I didn't believe it either. And then I fell in love.
Princess. Who is this, may I ask?
Bear. The same girl who is so similar to you.
Princess. Please watch.
Bear. I beg you, don't smile! I'm seriously in love!
Princess. Yes, you can’t run that far from a slight hobby.
Bear. Oh, you don't understand... I fell in love and was happy. Not for long, but like never before in my life. And then...
Princess. Well?
Bear. Then I suddenly learned something about this girl that changed everything at once. And to top it all off, I suddenly saw clearly that she had fallen in love with me too.
Princess. What a blow for a lover!
Bear. In this case, a terrible blow! And I felt even scarier, the scariest of all, when she said that she would kiss me.
Princess. Stupid girl!
Bear. What?
Princess. Contemptible fool!
Bear. Don't you dare talk about her like that!
Princess. She's worth it.
Bear. It's not for you to judge! This is a wonderful girl. Simple and trusting, like... like... like me!
Princess. You? You are a cunning, braggart and talker.
Bear. I?
Princess. Yes! With thinly hidden triumph, you tell the first person you meet about your victories.
Bear. So this is how you understood me?
Princess. Yes, that's right! She's stupid...
Bear. Please speak about her respectfully!
Princess. She's stupid, stupid, stupid!
Bear. Enough! Cheeky puppies are punished! (He snatches his sword.) Defend yourself!
Princess. At your service!

They fight fiercely.

I could have killed you twice already.
Bear. And I, little boy, am looking for death!
Princess. Why didn't you die without outside help?
Bear. Health doesn't allow it.

Lunges. Knocks the hat off the princess's head. Her heavy braids fall almost to the ground.
The bear drops his sword.

Princess! What happiness! What a disaster! It's you! You! Why are you here?
Princess. I've been chasing you for three days. It was only during a storm that I lost track of you, met a hunter and became his apprentice.
Bear. Have you been chasing me for three days?
Princess. Yes! To tell me how indifferent you are to me. Know that for me you are the same... just like a grandmother, and a stranger at that! And I'm not going to kiss you! And I didn’t even think about falling in love with you. Farewell! (Leaves. Returns.) You offended me so much that I will still take revenge on you! I will prove to you how indifferent you are to me. I'll die and prove it! (Leaves.)
Bear. Run, run quickly! She was angry and scolded me, but I saw only her lips and thought, thought about one thing: now I’ll kiss her! Damn bear? Run, run! Or maybe one more time, just to look at her once? Her eyes are so clear! And she is here, here, next to her, behind the wall. Take a few steps and... (Laughs.) Just think - she’s in the same house as me! What happiness! What am I doing! I will destroy her and myself! Hey you beast! Get out of here! Let's go!

The innkeeper enters.

I'd like to check out!
Traktirschik. This is impossible.
Bear. I'm not afraid of a hurricane.
T r a k t i r s h i k. Of course, of course! But don't you hear how quiet it has become?
Bear. Right. Why is this?
Traktirschik. I just tried to go out into the yard to see if the roof of the new barn had been blown off, but I couldn’t.
Bear. Couldn't they?
Traktirschik. We are buried under the snow. In the last half hour, not flakes, but whole snowdrifts fell from the sky. My old friend, the mountain wizard, got married and settled down, otherwise I would have thought it was his pranks.
Bear. If you can't leave, then lock me up!
Traktirschik. Lock it?
Bear. Yes, yes, on key!
Traktirschik. Why?
Bear. I can't date her! I love her!
Traktirschik. Whom?
Bear. Princess!
Traktirschik. Is she here?
Bear. Here. She changed into a man's dress. I recognized her immediately, but you didn’t believe me.
Traktirschik. So it really was her?
Bear. She! My God... Only now, when I don’t see her, do I begin to understand how she insulted me.
T r a k t i r s h i k. No!
Bear. Why not? Did you hear what she told me here?
Traktirschik. I didn’t hear it, but it doesn’t matter. I've been through so much that I understand everything.
Bear. With an open soul, in a friendly way, I complained to her about my bitter fate, and she overheard me like a traitor.
Traktirschik. I don’t understand. She overheard you complaining to her?
Bear. Ah, then I thought I was talking to a young man like her! So understand me! It's over! I won't say a word to her again! This cannot be forgiven! When the way is clear, I will take one silent look at her and leave. Lock me up, lock me up!
Traktirschik. Here's the key. Go ahead. There's your room. No, no, I won't lock you up. There's a brand new lock on the door, and I'll be sorry if you break it. Good night. Go, go!
Bear. Good night. (Leaves.)
Traktirschik. Good night. You just won’t find it, you won’t find peace anywhere. Lock yourself in a monastery - loneliness will remind you of her. Open a tavern along the road - every knock on the door will remind you of it.

The court lady enters.

D a m a. Sorry, but the candle in my room keeps going out.
T r a k t i r s h i k. Emilia? Surely this is true? Your name is Emilia, isn't it?
D a m a. Yes, that's my name. But, sir...
T r a k t i r s h i k. Emilia!
D a m a. Damn me!
Traktirschik. Do you recognize me?
D a m a. Emil...
Traktirschik. That was the name of the young man whom a cruel girl forced to flee to distant lands, to the mountains, into the eternal snow.
D a m a. Don't look at me. The face is weathered. However, to hell with everything. Look. That's who I am. Funny?
T r a k t i r s h i k. I see you as you were twenty-five years ago.
D a m a. Curse!
Traktirschik. At the most crowded masquerades, I recognized you under any mask.
D a m a. I remember.
Traktirschik. What is the mask that time has put on you to me!
D a m a. But you didn’t recognize me right away!
Traktirschik. You were so wrapped up. Don't laugh!
D a m a. I have forgotten how to cry. You recognize me, but you don't know me. I became angry. Especially in lately. No tube?
TRUCK. Tubes?
D a m a. I've been smoking lately. Secretly. Sailor tobacco. Hell's Potion. This tobacco kept the candle going out in my room all the time. I tried drinking it too. I didn't like it. This is what I have become now.
T r ak t i r s h i k. You have always been like this.
D a m a. I?
T r a k t i r s h i k. Yes. You have always had a stubborn and proud disposition. Now it affects itself in a new way - that’s the whole difference. Were you married?
D a m a. Was.
Traktirschik. For whom?
D a m a. You didn't know him.
Traktirschik. Is he here?
D a m a. Died.
Traktirschik. And I thought that that young page became your husband.
D a m a. He also died.
T r a k t i r s h i k. That’s how it is? Why?
D a m a. Drowned while searching for youngest son, who was carried out to sea by a storm. The young man was picked up by a merchant ship, and his father drowned.
T r a k t i r s h i k. Yes. So, young page...
D a m a. He became a gray-haired scientist and died, and you are all angry with him.
Traktirschik. You kissed him on the balcony!
D a m a. And you danced with the general's daughter.
T r a k t i r s h i k. Dance decently!
D a m a. Damn it! You were whispering something in her ear the whole time!
Truck. I whispered to her: one, two, three! One, two, three! One, two, three! She was always out of step.
D a m a. Funny!
T r a k t i r s h i k. Terribly funny! To tears.
D a m a. What makes you think that we would be happy if we got married?
T r a k t i r s h i k. Do you doubt it? Yes? Why are you silent?
D a m a. Eternal love doesn't happen.
Traktirschik. At the tavern counter, I had heard something about love. And it’s not appropriate for you to say that. You have always been intelligent and observant.
D a m a. OK. Well, forgive me, damned one, for kissing this boy. Give me your hand.

Emil and Emilia shake hands.

Well, that's it. You can't start life over again.
Traktirschik. It doesn’t matter. I'm happy to see you.
D a m a. Me too. The more stupid. OK. I have now forgotten how to cry. I just laugh or swear. Let's talk about something else, if you don't want me to swear like a coachman or neigh like a horse.
Traktirschik. Yes, yes. We have a lot to talk about. In my house, two children in love could die without our help.
D a m a. Who are these poor people?
Traktirschik. The princess and the young man for whom she ran away from home. He came here after you.
D a m a. Have they met?
T r a k t i r s h i k. Yes. And they managed to quarrel.
D a m a. Beat the drums!
T r a k t i r s h i k. What are you saying?
D a m a. Blow the trumpets!
Traktirschik. In what pipes?
D a m a. Never mind. Palace habit. This is how we command in case of fire, flood, hurricane. Guard, guns on! Something must be done immediately. I'll go report to the king. Children are dying! Swords out! Prepare for battle! With hostility! (Runs away.)
Traktirschik. I understood everything... Emilia was married to the palace commandant. Blow the trumpets! Beat the drums! Swords out! Smokes. Curses. Poor, proud, tender Emilia! Did he understand who he was married to, the damned brute. The kingdom of heaven to him!

The king, the first minister, the minister-administrator, the ladies-in-waiting, and the lady of the court run in.

King. Have you seen her?
T r a k t i r s h i k. Yes.
King. Pale, thin, barely able to stand?
Traktirschik. Tanned, eats well, runs around like a boy.
King. Ha ha ha! Well done.
T r a k t i r s h i k. Thank you.
King. You're not great, she's great. However, use it anyway. And he's here?
T r a k t i r s h i k. Yes.
King. In love?
T r a k t i r s h i k. Very much.
King. Ha ha ha! That's it! Know ours. Is he suffering?
Traktirschik. Terrible.
King. It serves him right! Ha ha ha! He is suffering, but she is alive, healthy, calm, cheerful...

A hunter enters, accompanied by a student.

Oh hunter. Give me some drops!
Traktirschik. Which ones?
About the hunter. How do I know? My student is bored.
Traktirschik. This one?
STUDENT: What else! I'll die - he won't even notice.
Oh, the hunter. My new guy is bored, doesn’t eat, doesn’t drink, and answers at random.
King. Princess?
O h o t n i k. Who, who?
Traktirschik. Your new guy is a princess in disguise.
Student: The wolf will kill you! And I almost hit her on the neck!
About the hunter (student). Scoundrel! Blockhead! You can't tell a boy from a girl!
STUDENT: You couldn’t tell the difference either.
Oh hunter. I have time to do such trifles!
King. Shut up! Where is the princess?
Oh hunter. But, but, but, don’t yell, my dear! My work is delicate and nervous. I can't stand shouting. I'll kill you and won't answer!
Traktirschik. This is the king!
Oh hunter. Oh! (Bows low.) Excuse me, Your Majesty.
King. Where is my daughter?
O HUNTER: Their Highnesses deign to sit by the fire in our room. They sit and look at the coals.
King. Take me to her!
O hunter. Glad to serve, Your Majesty! This way, please, Your Majesty. I will escort you, and you will give me a diploma. He allegedly taught the royal daughter the noble art of hunting.
King. Okay, later.
O h o t n i k. Thank you, Your Majesty.

They leave. The administrator covers his ears.

A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Now, now we will hear gunfire!
Traktirschik. Which one?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. The princess gave her word that she would shoot anyone who followed her.
D a m a. She won't shoot her own father.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. I know people! To be honest, they will not spare the father either.
Traktirschik. But I didn’t think of unloading the students’ pistols.
D a m a. Let's run there! Let's persuade her!
M i n i s t r. Quiet! The Emperor returns. He's angry!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Will start executing again! And I already have a cold! There is no more harmful work than court work.

The king and the hunter enter.

K o r o l (quietly and simply). I am in terrible grief. She sits there by the fire, quiet, unhappy. One - do you hear? One! I left home, I left my worries. And if I bring a whole army and give all the royal power into her hands, it will not help her. How is this so? What should I do? I raised her, took care of her, and now suddenly I can’t help her. She is miles away from me. Go to her. Ask her. Maybe we can help her after all? Go now!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. She will shoot, Your Majesty!
King. So what? You are still sentenced to death. My God! Why is everything changing so much in your world? Where is my little daughter? A passionate, offended girl sits by the fire. Yes, yes, offended. I see. You never know how many times I have insulted them in my time. Ask what he did to her? What should I do with him? Execute? I can do this. Talk to him? I'll take it! Well! Go now!
Traktirschik. Let me talk to the princess, king.
King. It is forbidden! Let one of your family go to your daughter.
T r a k t i r s h i k. It is their own people who seem especially strangers to those in love. Everything has changed, but our own people remain the same.
King. I didn't think about it. You are absolutely right. Nevertheless, I will not cancel my order.
Traktirschik. Why?
King. Why, why... Tyrant because. My dear aunt has awakened in me, an incorrigible fool. Hat to me!

The minister gives the king his hat.

Papers for me.

The innkeeper hands the king a piece of paper.

Let's cast lots. So. Okay, ready. The one who takes out the piece of paper with the cross will go to the princess.
D a m a. Let me talk to the princess without any crosses, Your Majesty. I have something to tell her.
King. I won't allow it! I got the reins under my robe! Am I a king or not a king? Draw, draw! First Minister! You are the first!

The minister draws lots and unfolds the piece of paper.

M i n i s t r. Alas, sir!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. God bless!
M i n i s t r. There is no cross on paper!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Why did you have to shout “alas”, you idiot!
King. Quiet! Your turn, madam!
D a m a. I must go, sir.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Congratulations with all my heart! The Kingdom of Heaven to you!
King. Well, show me the piece of paper, madam! (He snatches her lot from the hands of the court lady, examines it, shakes his head.) You are a liar, madam! These are stubborn people! So they strive to fool their poor master! Next! (To the administrator.) Draw lots, sir. Where! Where are you going? Open your eyes, my dear! Here, here it is, the hat, in front of you.

The administrator draws lots and watches.

A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Ha ha ha!
King. What ha ha ha?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. That is, I wanted to say - alas! Honestly, I'm screwed, I don't see any cross. Ay-ay-ay, what a shame! Next!
King. Give me your lot!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Whom?
King. A piece of paper! Alive! (Looks at the piece of paper.) No cross?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. No!
King. What is this?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. What kind of cross is this? It's funny, honestly... It's more like an "x"!
King. No, my dear, that’s him! Go!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. People, people, come to your senses! What are you doing? We abandoned our work, forgot our dignity and rank, and galloped into the mountains over damn bridges and along goat paths. What brought us to this?
D a m a. Love!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Let's talk seriously, gentlemen! There is no love in the world!
T r a k t i r s h i k. Yes!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Shame on you for pretending! A commercial person, you have your own business.
Traktirschik. And yet I undertake to prove that love exists in the world!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. She's gone! I don’t trust people, I know them too well, and I myself have never fallen in love. Therefore, there is no love! Consequently, I am being sent to death because of an invention, a prejudice, an empty place!
King. Don't detain me, my dear. Don't be selfish.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Okay, Your Majesty, I won't, just listen to me. When a smuggler crawls across an abyss on a perch or a merchant sails in a small boat on the Great Ocean - this is respectable, this is understandable. People earn money. And in the name of what, excuse me, should I lose my head? What you call love is a little indecent, quite funny and very pleasant. What does death have to do with it?
D a m a. Shut up, despicable one!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Your Majesty, don't tell her to swear! There is no point, madam, there is no point in looking at me as if you really mean what you say. Nothing, nothing! All people are pigs, only some admit it, while others break down. It is not I who is despicable, it is not I who is the villain, but all these noble sufferers, itinerant preachers, wandering singers, poor musicians, common talkers. I am completely visible, everyone understands what I want. A little from each - and I’m no longer angry, I’m cheerful, I calm down, I sit and click on my accounts. And these inflators of feelings, tormentors of human souls - they are truly villains, uncaught murderers. It is they who lie that conscience exists in nature, who claim that compassion is wonderful, who praise loyalty, who teach valor, and who push deceived fools to death! They invented love. She's gone! Trust a respectable, wealthy man!
King. Why is the princess suffering?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. In your youth, Your Majesty!
King. OK. Said last word sentenced, and that's enough. I still won’t have mercy! Go! Not a word! I'll shoot you!

The administrator leaves, staggering.

What a devil! And why did I listen to him? He awakened the aunt in me, whom anyone could convince of anything. The poor thing was married eighteen times, not counting light hobbies. Well, how is there really no love in the world? Maybe the princess just has a sore throat or bronchitis, and I’m suffering.
D a m a. Your Majesty...
King. Shut up, madam! You are a respectable woman, a believer. Let's ask the youth. Amanda! Do you believe in love?
A m a n d a. No, Your Majesty!
King. You see! Why?
A m a n d a. I was in love with one person, and he turned out to be such a monster that I stopped believing in love. I fall in love with everyone now. Doesn't matter!
King. You see! What can you say about love, Orinthia?
O r i n t i a . Whatever you want, except the truth, Your Majesty.
King. Why?
O r i n t i a . Speaking the truth about love is so scary and so difficult that I forgot how to do it once and for all. I say about love what is expected of me.
King. Just tell me one thing - is there love in the world?
O r i n t i a . Yes, Your Majesty, if you wish. I myself have fallen in love so many times!
King. Or maybe she doesn't exist?
O r i n t i a . There is none, if you wish, sir! There is a light, cheerful madness that always ends in trifles.

King. So much for the nonsense!
Oh hunter. The kingdom of heaven to him!
Student: Or maybe he... she... they missed the mark?
Oh hunter. Insolent! My student - and suddenly...
Student: How long have you been studying?
Oh hunter. Who are you talking about! Who are you talking to? Wake up!
King. Quiet you! Don't bother me! I'm happy! Ha ha ha! Finally, finally, my daughter escaped from that damned greenhouse in which I, an old fool, raised her. Now she acts like everyone else normal people: she's in trouble - and so she shoots at anyone. (Sobs.) My daughter is growing up. Hey innkeeper! Clean up the hallway there!

The administrator enters. He has a smoking gun in his hands.

Student: Missed! Ha ha ha!
King. What is this? Why are you alive, you impudent one?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Because it was I who shot, sir.
King. You?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Yes, just imagine.
King. To whom?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. In whom, in whom... In the princess! She's alive, she's alive, don't be afraid!
King. Hey there you are! A blockhouse, an executioner and a glass of vodka. Vodka for me, the rest for him. Alive!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Take your time, my dear!
King. Who are you talking to?

The Bear enters. Stops at the door.

A d m i n i s t r a t o r. I'm telling you, dad. Take your time! The princess is my bride.
Court lady. Beat the drums, blow the trumpets, sound the guard, sound the gun!
FIRST MINISTRY. Has he gone crazy?
Traktirschik. Oh, if only!
King. Tell me clearly, otherwise I’ll kill you!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. I'll tell you with pleasure. I like to talk about things that went well. Yes, sit down, gentlemen, what is there really, I allow. If you don't want it, whatever you want. Well, that means... I went, as you insisted, to the girl... I went, then. Fine. I open the door slightly, and I think: oh, he’ll kill me... I want to die, like any of those present. Here you go. And she turned around at the creak of the door and jumped up. I, you know, gasped. Naturally, he grabbed the pistol from his pocket. And, as anyone present would have done in my place, he fired a pistol at the girl. But she didn’t even notice. She took me by the hand and said: I thought and thought, sitting here by the fire, and vowed to marry the first person I met. Ha ha! You see how lucky I am, how cleverly it turned out that I missed. Oh yes I am!
Court lady. Poor child!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Don't interrupt! I ask: does that mean I’m your fiancé now? And she answers: what to do if you turn up? I look - my lips are trembling, my fingers are trembling, there are feelings in my eyes, a vein is beating on my neck, this and that, the fifth, the tenth. (Chocks.) Oh, wow!

The innkeeper serves vodka to the king. The administrator grabs a glass and drinks it in one gulp.

Hooray! I hugged her, and therefore kissed her on the lips.
Bear. Shut up, I'll kill you!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Nothing, nothing. They killed me today - and what happened? Where did I stop? Oh, yes... We kissed, that means...
Bear. Shut up!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. King! Make sure you don't interrupt me! Is it really difficult? We kissed, and then she said: go, report everything to dad, and for now I’ll dress up as a girl. And I answered this: let me help you fasten this and that, lace it up, tighten it, hehe... And she, such a coquette, answers me: get out of here! And I tell her this: see you soon, your majesty, chicken, chicken. Ha ha ha!
King. The devil knows what... Hey, you... Retinue... Look for something in the medicine cabinet... I lost consciousness, only feelings remained... Subtle... Barely definable... Maybe I want music and flowers, or kill someone. I feel, I feel vaguely, vaguely - something wrong has happened, but there is nothing to face reality with...

The princess enters. He rushes to his father.

PRINCESS (desperately). Dad! Dad! (Notices the Bear. Calmly.) Good evening, dad. And I'm getting married.
King. For whom, daughter?
PRINCESS (points to the administrator with a nod of his head). Here's to this. Come here! Give me your hand.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. With pleasure! Hehe...
Princess. Don't you dare giggle, or I'll shoot you!
King. Well done! This is our way!
Princess. I'm scheduling the wedding in an hour.
King. In one hour? Great! A wedding is, in any case, a joyful and cheerful event, but we'll see. Fine! What, really... The daughter was found, everyone is alive and well, there is plenty of wine. Unpack your luggage! Put on your holiday outfits! Light all the candles! We'll figure it out later!
Bear. Stop!
King. What's happened? Well, well, well! Speak up!
Bear (addresses Orinthia and Amanda, who are standing hugging each other). I'm asking for your hand. Be my wife. Look at me - I'm young, healthy, simple. I kind person and I will never offend you. Be my wife!
Princess. Don't answer him!
Bear. Ah, that's how it is! You can, but I can’t!
Princess. I vowed to marry the first person I met.
Bear. Me too.
Princess. I... However, enough, enough, I don’t care! (Goes to the exit.) Ladies! Follow me! You will help me put on my wedding dress.
King. Cavaliers, follow me! Will you help me order a wedding dinner? Innkeeper, this applies to you too.
Traktirschik. Okay, Your Majesty, go ahead, I’ll catch up with you. (To the lady of the court, in a whisper.) Under any pretext, force the princess to return here, to this room.
Court lady. I will drag you by force, destroy me, you unclean one!

Everyone leaves, except for the Bear and the ladies-in-waiting, who are still standing, hugging each other, against the wall.

M e d v e d (to the ladies-in-waiting). Be my wife!
A m a n d a. Sir, sir! Which of us are you proposing to?
O r i n t i a . After all, there are two of us.
Bear. Sorry, I didn't notice.

The innkeeper runs in.

Truck. Back, otherwise you will die! Getting too close to lovers when they are fighting is deadly! Run before it's too late!
Bear. Don't go!
Truck. Shut up, I’ll tie you up! Don't you feel sorry for these poor girls?
Bear. They didn’t feel sorry for me, and I don’t want to feel sorry for anyone!
Traktirschik. Do you hear? Hurry, hurry away!

Orinthia and Amanda leave, looking back.

Listen, you! Fool! Come to your senses, please, be kind! A few reasonable, kind words - and now you are happy again. Understood? Tell her: listen, princess, this is how it is, it’s my fault, forgive me, don’t ruin it, I won’t do it again, I did it by accident. And then go ahead and kiss her.
Bear. No way!
Traktirschik. Don’t be stubborn! Kiss, but only stronger!
Bear. No!
Traktirschik. Don’t waste time! There are only forty-five minutes left until the wedding. You barely have time to make peace. Quicker. Come to your senses! I hear footsteps, it’s Emilia leading the princess here. Come on! Heads up!

The door swings open and a court lady in a luxurious outfit enters the room. She is accompanied by footmen with lit candelabra.

Court lady. I congratulate you, gentlemen, with great joy!
Truck. Do you hear, son?
Court lady. The end has come to all our sorrows and misadventures.
T r a k t i r s h i k. Well done, Emilia!
Court lady. According to the princess's orders, her marriage to the Minister, which was to take place in forty-five minutes...
T r a k t i r s h i k. Clever girl! Well, well?
Court lady. Happens immediately!
T r a k t i r s h i k. Emilia! Come to your senses! This is misfortune, and you are smiling!
Court lady. That's the order. Don't touch me, I'm on duty, damn me! (Beaming.) Please, Your Majesty, everything is ready. (To the innkeeper.) Well, what could I do! She is stubborn, like, like... like you and I once were!

The king enters wearing an ermine robe and a crown. He leads the princess in a wedding dress by the hand. Next comes the Minister-Administrator. Diamond rings sparkle on all his fingers. Following him are the courtiers in festive attire.

King. Well then. Now let's start getting married. (Looks at the Bear with hope.) Honestly, I’ll start now. No joke. Once! Two! Three! (Sighs.) I'm starting! (Solemnly.) As an honorary saint, an honorary great martyr, an honorary Pope of our kingdom, I begin to celebrate the sacrament of marriage. Bride and groom! Give each other your hands!
Bear. No!
King. What's not? Come on, come on! Speak up, don't be shy!
Bear. Everyone get out of here! I need to talk to her! Go away!
ADMINISTRATOR (stepping forward). Oh, you impudent one!

The bear pushes him away with such force that the minister-administrator flies through the door.

Court lady. Hooray! Sorry, Your Majesty...
King. Please! I'm glad myself. Father after all.
Bear. Go away, I beg you! Leave us alone!
T r a k t i r s h i k. Your Majesty, and your Majesty! Let's go! Inconvenient...
King. Well, here we go again! I also probably want to know how their conversation ends!
Court lady. Sovereign!
King. Leave me alone! But, okay. I can listen at the keyhole. (Runs on tiptoes.) Let's go, let's go, gentlemen! Inconvenient!

Everyone runs away after him, except the princess and the bear.

Bear. Princess, now I confess everything. Unfortunately we met, unfortunately we fell in love with each other. I... I... If you kiss me, I will turn into a bear.

The princess covers her face with her hands.

I'm not happy myself! It’s not me, it’s a wizard... He should be playing pranks, but we, poor people, are so confused. That's why I ran. After all, I swore that I would rather die than offend you. Sorry! It's not me! It's him... Sorry!
Princess. You, you - and suddenly turn into a bear?
Bear. Yes.
Princess. As soon as I kiss you?
Bear. Yes.
Princess. You, will you silently wander back and forth through the rooms, as if in a cage? Never talk to me like a human being? And if I really bore you with my conversations, will you growl at me like an animal? Is it really possible that all the crazy joys and sorrows of the last days will end so sadly?
Bear. Yes.
Princess. Dad! Dad!

The king runs in, accompanied by his entire retinue.

Dad is...
King. Yes, yes, I overheard. What a pity!
Princess. Let's leave, let's leave quickly!
King. Daughter, daughter... Something terrible is happening to me... Something good - such fear! - something good woke up in my soul. Let's think about it - maybe we shouldn't drive him away. A? Others live - and nothing! Just think - a bear... Not a ferret after all... We would comb it, tame it. He would dance for us sometimes...
Princess. No! I love him too much for that.

The bear takes a step forward and stops, lowering its head.

Goodbye, goodbye forever! (Runs away.)

Everyone except the Bear follows her. Suddenly music starts playing. The windows swing open by themselves. The sun is rising. There is no trace of snow. Grass has grown on the mountain slopes and flowers are swaying. The owner bursts in laughing. The hostess hurries after him, smiling. She glances at Bear and immediately stops smiling.

H o z i n (yells). Congratulations! Congratulations! Advice and love!
Household. Shut up, fool...
Master. Why - a fool?
Household. You're not screaming. This is not a wedding, but grief...
Master. What? How? Can't be! I brought them to this cozy hotel and blocked all the entrances and exits with snowdrifts. I rejoiced at my invention, so glad that the eternal snow had melted and the mountain slopes had turned green under the sun. Didn't you kiss her?
Bear. But...
Master. Coward!

Sad music. Snow falls on the green grass and flowers. With her head down, not looking at anyone, the princess walks through the room arm in arm with the king. The whole retinue is behind them. This entire procession takes place outside the windows under the falling snow. The innkeeper runs out with a suitcase. He shakes his bunch of keys.

Traktirschik. Gentlemen, gentlemen, the hotel is closing. I'm leaving, gentlemen!
Master. OK! Give me the keys, I'll lock everything myself.
T r a k t i r s h i k. Thank you! Hurry the hunter. He stacks his diplomas there.
Master. OK.
Traktirshchik (To the Bear). Listen, poor boy...
Master. Go ahead, I'll talk to him myself. Hurry up, you'll be late, you'll fall behind!
T r a k t i r s h i k. God forbid! (Runs away.)
Master. You! Answer! How dare you not kiss her?
Bear. But you know how it would end!
Master. No, I don't know! You didn't love the girl!
Bear. Not true!
Master. Didn't love it, otherwise magical power recklessness would overwhelm you. Who dares to reason or predict when high feelings take over a person? Poor, unarmed people throw kings off the throne out of love for their neighbors. Out of love for their homeland, soldiers trample death underfoot, and it runs without looking back. The sages rise to heaven and dive into hell itself - out of love for the truth. The earth is being rebuilt out of love for beauty. What did you do out of love for a girl?
Bear. I refused it.
Master. A magnificent action. Do you know that only once in a lifetime does a lover get a day when they succeed in everything. And you missed your happiness. Goodbye. I won't help you anymore. No! I will start to disturb you with all my might. What have I brought you to... I, a merry fellow and a naughty fellow, spoke like a preacher because of you. Let's go, wife, close the shutters.
Household. Let's go, fool...

The sound of shutters closing. The hunter and his student enter. They have huge sticks in their hands.

Bear. Do you want to kill the hundredth bear?
About a bear hunter? The hundredth?
Bear. Yes, yes! Sooner or later, I will find the princess, kiss her and turn into a bear... And then you...
Oh hunter. I understand! New. Tempting. But I’m really embarrassed to take advantage of your courtesy...
Bear. Nothing, don't be shy.
O HUNTER: How will Her Royal Highness look at this?
Bear. He will be happy!
O HUNTER: Well... Art requires sacrifice. I agree.
Bear. Thanks, friend! Let's go!

Curtain

ACT THREE

A garden sloping down to the sea. Cypress trees, palm trees, lush greenery, flowers. A wide terrace, on the railing of which the innkeeper sits. He is dressed for summer, in white from head to toe, refreshed, rejuvenated.

T r a k t i r s h i k. Aw! Awww! Gop, hop! A monastery, a monastery! Answer me! Father housekeeper, where are you? I have news! Do you hear? News! Wouldn't that also make you prick up your ears? Have you really forgotten how to exchange thoughts at a distance? I've been calling you for a whole year - and it's all in vain. Father is an economist! Awwwwwww! Gop, hop! (Jumps up.) Hurray! Gop, hop! Hello old man! Well, finally! Don't yell like that, it hurts your ears! You never know! I was happy too, but I don’t shout. What? No, first you tell me everything, old gossip, and then I’ll tell you what we experienced this year. Yes, yes. I’ll tell you all the news, I won’t miss anything, don’t worry. Well, okay, stop groaning and wailing, get down to business. Yes, yes, I understand. What about you? What about the abbot? What about her? Ha ha ha! What a nimble little woman! Understand. Well, how is my hotel? Works? Oh well? How, how, repeat. (Sobs and blows his nose.) Nice. Touching. Wait, let me write it down. Here we are threatened with various troubles and troubles, so it is useful to stock up on comforting news. Well? What do people say? Without it, a hotel is like a body without a soul? Is this without me? Thank you, old goat, you made me happy. Well, what else? Otherwise, you say, everything was as it was? Is everything still the same? What miracles! I'm not there, but everything goes on as before! Just think! Okay, now I'll start telling you. First about myself. I suffer unbearably. Well, judge for yourself, I returned to my homeland. So? Everything around is beautiful. Right? Everything is blooming and rejoicing, just like in the days of my youth, but I’m not the same at all! I ruined my happiness, I missed it. This is terrible, isn't it? Why do I talk about this so cheerfully? Well, at home after all... I, despite my unbearable suffering, still gained five kilos in weight. There's nothing you can do about it. I live. And besides, suffering is suffering, but still I got married. On her, on her. On E! Eh! Eh! What is there not to understand! Eh! And I don’t mention her name in full, because after getting married, I remained a respectful lover. I cannot shout to the whole world a name that is sacred to me. There's no need to laugh, demon, you don't understand anything about love, you're a monk. What? Well, what kind of love is this, you old shameless man! That's exactly what it is. A? How's the princess? Oh brother, that's bad. It's sad, brother. Our princess fell ill. That's why I got sick, something you don't believe in, you asshole. This is what comes from love. The doctor says that the princess may die, but we don’t want to believe it. That would be too unfair. Yes, he didn’t come here, he didn’t come, you know. The hunter has come, but the bear disappears to an unknown location. Apparently, the prince-administrator does not allow him to come to us with all the lies that exist on earth. Yes, imagine, the administrator is now a prince and strong as a demon. Money, brother. He got so rich that he was simply afraid. He does what he wants. A wizard is not a wizard, but something like that. Well, enough about him. Disgusting. Hunter? No, he doesn't hunt. He is trying to write a book on the theory of hunting. When will the book come out? Unknown. While he is typing excerpts, he then skirmishes with his fellow professionals over every comma. He is in charge of our royal hunt. Got married, by the way. On the princess's maid of honor, Amanda. They had a girl. They called it Mushka. And the hunter's apprentice married Orinthia. They have a boy. They called it Target. Here you go, brother. The princess suffers, gets sick, but life goes on as usual. What are you saying? Fish here is cheaper than here, and beef is the same price. What? Vegetables, brother, the kind you never dreamed of. Pumpkins are rented out to poor families as summer cottages. Summer residents live in pumpkins and feed on them. And thanks to this, the longer you live in it, the more spacious it becomes. Here you go, brother. We tried to donate watermelons, but it’s a bit damp to live in them. Well, goodbye, brother. The princess is coming. It's sad, brother. Goodbye brother. Tomorrow at this time, listen to me. Oh-oh-oh, things are going on...

The princess enters.

Hello princess!
Princess. Hello, my dear friend! Haven't we met yet? But it seemed to me that I had already told you that I would die today.
Traktirschik. This can’t be! You won't die.
Princess. I would be glad, but everything has turned out so that there is no other way out. It’s hard for me to breathe and to look - that’s how tired I am. I don’t show this to anyone, because I’m used to it since childhood not to cry when I hurt myself, but you’re one of us, right?
Traktirschik. I don’t want to believe you.
Princess. But you still have to! Just as people die without bread, without water, without air, so I die because I have no happiness, and that’s all.
Traktirschik. You are mistaken!
Princess. No! Just as a person suddenly realizes that he is in love, he also immediately guesses when death comes for him.
T r a k t i r s h i k. Princess, please don’t!
Princess. I know it's sad, but you'll be even sadder if I leave you without saying goodbye. Now I’ll write letters, pack my things, and in the meantime you gather your friends here on the terrace. And then I will go out and say goodbye to you. Fine? (Leaves.)
Traktirschik. What a disaster, what a disaster. No, no, I don't believe this can happen! She is so nice, so gentle, she has never done anything bad to anyone! Friends, my friends! Quicker! Here! The princess is calling! Friends, my friends!

The owner and hostess enter.

You? This is happiness, this is joy! And did you hear me?
Master. We heard, we heard!
Traktirschik. Were you near it?
Household. No, we were sitting on the porch at home. But my husband suddenly jumped up, shouted: “It’s time, they call me,” grabbed me in his arms, soared under the clouds, and from there down, straight to you. Hello Emil!
Traktirschik. Hello, hello, my dears! You know what's going on here! Help us. The administrator has become a prince and does not let the bear near the poor princess.
Household. Oh, this is not an administrator at all.
T r a k t i r s h i k. And who?
Household. We.
Traktirschik. I don’t believe it! You are slandering yourself!
Master. Shut up! How dare you lament, be horrified, hope for good ending where there is no longer, there is no way back. Spoiled! Pampered! It's limp here under the palm trees. He got married and now thinks that everything in the world should go smoothly and evenly. Yes, yes! It's me who doesn't let the boy in here. I!
Traktirschik. Why?
Master. And then for the princess to meet her end calmly and with dignity.
Traktirschik. Oh!
Master. Don't groan!
T r a k t i r s h i k. What if by a miracle...
Master. Have I ever taught you how to run a hotel or be faithful in love? No? Well, don’t you dare talk to me about miracles. Miracles are subject to the same laws as all other natural phenomena. There is no power in the world that can help poor children. What do you want? So that before our eyes he turns into a bear and the hunter shoots him? Scream, madness, ugliness instead of a sad and quiet ending? Is this what you want?
Traktirschik. No.
Master. Well, let's not talk about it.
Traktirschik. And if the boy still makes his way here...
Master. Well, no! The quietest rivers, at my request, overflow their banks and block his path as soon as he approaches the ford. The mountains are quite homebodies, but even those, creaking stones and rustling forests, move from their place and stand on his path. I'm not even talking about hurricanes. These are happy to lead a person astray. But that's not all. No matter how disgusting it was for me, I ordered the evil wizards to do evil to him. I just didn’t allow him to be killed.
Household. And harm his health.
Master. And everything else - allowed. And so huge frogs they overturn his horse, jumping out of the ambush. Mosquitoes sting him.
Household. Just not malaria.
Master. But they are huge, like bees. And he is tormented by dreams so terrible that only big guys like our bear can watch them to the end without waking up. Evil wizards They try their best, because they are subordinate to us, the good ones. No no! Everything will be fine, everything will end sadly. Call, call your friends to say goodbye to the princess.
Traktirschik. Friends, my friends!

Emilia, the first minister, Orinthia, Amanda, the hunter's apprentice, appear.

My friends...
E m i l i i. Don't, don't say it, we heard it all.
Master. Where is the hunter?
Student. Went to the doctor for sedative drops. Afraid of getting sick from anxiety.
E m i l i i. It's funny, but I can't laugh. When you lose one of your friends, you temporarily forgive everything to the rest... (Sobs.)
Master. Madam, madam! Let's act like adults. And there is greatness in tragic endings.
E m i l i i. Which?
Master. They make survivors think.
E m i l i i. What's so majestic about this? It is a shame to kill heroes in order to move the cold and stir up the indifferent. I can't stand it. Let's talk about something else.
Master. Yes, yes, let's go. Where is the poor king? He's probably crying!
E m i l i i. Playing cards, old jumper!
FIRST MINISTRY. Madam, no need to scold! It's all my fault. The minister is obliged to report the whole truth to the sovereign, and I was afraid to upset His Majesty. We must, we must open the king’s eyes!
E m i l i i. He already sees everything perfectly.
FIRST MINISTRY. No, no, he doesn't see. This prince-administrator is bad, but the king is just a charmer. I swore to myself that at the very first meeting I would open the sovereign’s eyes. And the king will save his daughter, and therefore all of us!
E m i l i i. What if it doesn’t save you?
FIRST MINISTRY. Then I'll rebel too, damn it!
E m i l i i. The king is coming here. Take action. I can’t laugh at you either, Mr. First Minister.

The king enters. He's very cheerful.

King. Hello, hello! What a beautiful morning. How are you, how is the princess? However, there is no need to answer me, I already understand that everything is going well.
FIRST MINISTRY. Your Majesty...
King. Goodbye, goodbye!
FIRST MINISTRY. Your Majesty, listen to me.
King. I want to sleep.
FIRST MINISTRY. If you don't save your daughter, who will save her? Your dear, your only daughter! Look what we are doing! A fraudster, an arrogant businessman without heart and mind, seized power in the kingdom. Everything, everything now serves one thing - his robber’s wallet. His clerks roam everywhere, everywhere and carry bales of goods from place to place, without looking at anything. They crash into funeral processions, stop weddings, knock down children, push old people. Order the prince-administrator to be driven away - and the princess will breathe easier, and the terrible wedding will no longer threaten the poor thing. Your Majesty!..
King. Nothing, nothing I can do!
FIRST MINISTRY. Why?
King. Because I'm degenerating, you fool! You need to read books and not demand from the king what he cannot do. Will the princess die? So be it. As soon as I see that this horror really threatens me, I will commit suicide. My poison has been prepared for a long time. I recently tried this potion on a card partner. What a beauty it is. He died and didn’t notice. Why shout? Why worry about me?
E m i l i i. We're not worried about you, but about the princess.
King. Aren't you worried about your king?
FIRST MINISTRY. Yes, Your Excellency.
King. Oh! What did you call me?
FIRST MINISTRY. Your Excellency.
King. I, the greatest of kings, have been called a general? Why, this is a riot!
FIRST MINISTRY. Yes! I rebelled. You, you, you are not the greatest of kings at all, but simply outstanding, and that’s all.
King. Oh!
FIRST MINISTRY. Did you eat it? Haha, I'll go even further. Rumors about your holiness are exaggerated, yes, yes! It is not at all on merit that you are called an honorary saint. You are a simple ascetic!
King. Oh!
FIRST MINISTRY. Ascetic!
King. Ay!
FIRST MINISTRY. A hermit, but by no means a saint.
King. Water!
E m i l i i. Don't give him water, let him listen to the truth!
FIRST MINISTRY. Pope Emeritus? Haha? You are not the Pope, you are not the pope, understand? Not dad, and that's all!
King. Well, this is too much! Executioner!
E m i l i i. He won't come, he works for the newspaper of the minister-administrator. Writes poetry.
King. Minister, minister-administrator! Here! They offend!

The minister-administrator enters. He now holds himself unusually solidly. He speaks slowly and broadcasts.

A d m i n i s t r a t o r. But why? Why? Who dares to offend our glorious, our shirt-guy, as I call him, our little king?
King. They scold me and tell me to drive you away!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. What vile intrigues, as I call it.
King. They scare me.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. How?
King. They say the princess will die.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. From what?
King. Out of love, perhaps.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. This, I would say, is nonsense. Delirium, as I call it. Our general doctor, mine and the king’s, just examined the princess yesterday and reported to me on the state of her health. The princess was not found to have any illnesses caused by love. This is the first. And secondly, from love comes funny diseases, for jokes, as I call them, and completely curable ones, if you don’t start them, of course. What does death have to do with it?
King. You see! I told you so. The doctor knows better whether the princess is in danger or not.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. The doctor assured me with his own head that the princess was about to get better. She's just having pre-wedding fever, as I call it.

The hunter runs in.

Oh hunter. Misfortune, misfortune! The doctor has escaped!
King. Why?
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. You are lying!
O h o t n i k. Hey, you! I love ministers, but only polite ones! Forgotten? I am a man of art, not a simple people! I shoot without missing a beat!
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Sorry, I got busy.
King. Tell me, tell me, Mr. Hunter! Please!
Oh hunter. I obey, Your Majesty. I come to the doctor for sedative drops - and suddenly I see: the rooms are unlocked, the drawers are open, the cabinets are empty, and there is a note on the table. Here she is!
King. Don't you dare show it to me! I don't want to! I'm afraid! What is it? The executioner has been taken away, the gendarmes have been taken away, they are frightening them. You are pigs, not loyal subjects. Don't you dare follow me! I don't listen, I don't listen, I don't listen! (Runs away, covering his ears.)
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. The little king has aged...
E m i l i i. You'll grow old with you.
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Let's stop talking, as I call it. Please show me the note, Mr. Hunter.
E m i l i i. Read it aloud to all of us, Mr. Hunter.
Oh hunter. Excuse me. It's very simple. (Reads.) “Only a miracle can save the princess. You killed her, and you will blame me. But the doctor is also a man, he has his own weaknesses, he wants to live. Goodbye. Doctor.”
A d m i n i s t r a t o r. Damn it, how inappropriate this is. Doctors, doctors! Bring him back now and blame it all on him! Alive! (Runs away.)

The princess appears on the terrace. She is dressed for travel.

Princess. No, no, don't get up, don't move, my friends! And you are here, my friend the wizard, and you. How nice! What a special day! I'm doing so well today. Things that I thought were missing are suddenly found by themselves. My hair fits obediently when I comb my hair. And if I start to remember the past, then only joyful memories come to me. Life smiles at me goodbye. Did they tell you that I will die today?
Household. Oh!
Princess. Yes, yes, this is much scarier than I thought. Death, it turns out, is rough. And it's dirty too. She comes with a whole bag of disgusting doctor's instruments. There she has unturned gray stone hammers for blows, rusty hooks for breaking the heart and even uglier devices that I don’t want to talk about.
E m i l i i. How do you know this, princess?
Princess. Death has come so close that I can see everything. And enough about that. My friends, be even kinder to me than always. Don’t think about your grief, but try to brighten up my last moments.
Emil. Order, princess! We will do everything.
Princess. Talk to me as if nothing happened. Make jokes, smile. Tell me what you want. If only I didn’t think about what would happen to me soon. Orinthia, Amanda, are you happily married?
A m a n d a. Not what we thought, but happy.
Princess. All the time?
O r i n t i a . Quite often.
Princess. Are you good wives?
O h o t n i k. Very much! Other hunters are simply bursting with envy.
Princess. No, let the wives answer for themselves. Are you good wives?
A m a n d a. I don't know, princess. I think wow. But only I love my husband and child so terribly.
O r i n t i a . Me too.
A m a n d a. Sometimes it’s difficult for me, it’s impossible to keep my mind.
O r i n t i a . Me too.
A m a n d a. How long have we been surprised at the stupidity, thoughtlessness, shameless frankness with which legal wives making scenes for their husbands...
O r i n t i a . And now we are sinning in the same way.
Princess. Lucky girls! How much you have to go through and feel in order to change like that! But I was still sad, and that’s all. Life, life... Who is it? (Looks into the depths of the garden.)
E m i l i i. What are you, princess! There's no one there.
Princess. Steps, steps! Do you hear?
O h o t n i k. Is that... her?
Princess. No, it's him, it's him!

The Bear enters. General movement.

Are you... Are you coming to me?
Bear. Yes. Hello! Why are you crying?
Princess. With joy. My friends... Where are they all?
Bear. I had barely entered when they tiptoed out.
Princess. Well, that's good. I now have a secret that I couldn’t tell even to my closest people. Only for you. Here it is: I love you. Yes, yes! True, true! I love you so much that I will forgive you everything. You can do anything. You want to turn into a bear - fine. Let it be. Just don't leave. I can't stay here alone anymore. Why haven't you come for so long? No, no, don't answer me, don't, I'm not asking. If you didn't come, it means you couldn't. I don’t blame you - you see how meek I have become. Just don't leave me.
Bear. No no.
Princess. Death came for me today.
Bear. No!
Princess. True, true. But I'm not afraid of her. I'm just telling you the news. Every time something sad or simply remarkable happened, I thought: he will come and I will tell him. Why didn't you go for so long!
Bear. No, no, I was walking. He walked all the time. I thought about only one thing: how I would come to you and say: “Don’t be angry. Here I am. I couldn’t do otherwise! I came.” (Hugs the princess.) Don't be angry! I'm here!
Princess. Well, that's good. I am so happy that I don’t believe in death or grief. Especially now that you've come so close to me. No one has ever come this close to me. And he didn't hug me. You hug me like you have the right to. I like it, really like it. Now I will hug you. And no one will dare touch you. Let's go, let's go, I'll show you my room, where I cried so much, the balcony from which I looked to see if you were coming, a hundred books about bears. Let's go, let's go.

They leave, and the hostess immediately enters.

Household. My God, what should I do, what should I, poor thing, do! Standing here behind the tree, I heard every word they said and cried as if I were at a funeral. Yes it is! Poor children, poor children! What could be sadder! A bride and groom who will never become husband and wife.

The owner enters.

It's sad, isn't it?
Master. Is it true.
Household. I love you, I’m not angry, but why, why did you start all this!
Master. This is how I was born. I can’t help but get started, my dear, my dear. I wanted to talk to you about love. But I'm a wizard. And I took and gathered people and shuffled them, and they all began to live in such a way that you would laugh and cry. That's how much I love you. Some, however, worked better, others worse, but I had already managed to get used to them. Don't cross it out! Not words - people. For example, Emil and Emilia. I hoped that they would help the young, remembering their past sorrows. And they went ahead and got married. They took it and got married! Ha ha ha! Well done! I shouldn’t cross them out for this. They took it and got married, you fools, ha-ha-ha! They took it and got married!

He sits down next to his wife. He hugs her by the shoulders. He says, gently rocking her, as if lulling her to sleep.

They accepted and got married, such fools. And let it be, and let it be! Sleep, my dear, and let yourself. Unfortunately for me, I am immortal. I have to outlive you and miss you forever. In the meantime, you are with me, and I am with you. You can go crazy with happiness. You are with me. I'm with you. Glory to the brave who dare to love, knowing that all this will come to an end. Glory to the madmen who live as if they were immortal - death sometimes retreats from them. Retreats, ha ha ha! What if you don’t die, but turn into ivy, and wrap yourself around me, the fool. Ha ha ha! (Cries.) And I, a fool, will turn into an oak tree. Honestly. It will happen to me. So none of us will die, and everything will end well. Ha ha ha! And you are angry. And you grumble at me. And this is what I came up with. Sleep. You wake up and look, and tomorrow has already arrived. And all the sorrows were yesterday. Sleep. Sleep, dear.

The hunter enters. He has a gun in his hands. Enter his student, Orinthia, Amanda, Emil, Emilia.

Are you grieving, friends?
Emil. Yes.
Master. Sit down. Let's grieve together.
E m i l i i. Oh, how I would like to get into those amazing countries, which are talked about in novels. The sky there is gray, it rains often, and the wind howls in the chimneys. And there is no that accursed word “suddenly” at all. There one follows from the other. There people, coming to an unfamiliar house, meet exactly what they were waiting for, and, returning, find their house unchanged, and still grumble about it, ungrateful people. Extraordinary Events happen there so rarely that people do not recognize them when they finally arrive. Death itself seems understandable there. Especially the death of strangers. And there are no wizards or miracles there. Boys, after kissing a girl, do not turn into a bear, and if they do, no one attaches any importance to it. Amazing world, happy world... However, forgive me for building fantastic castles.
Master. Yes, yes, no, no! Let's take life as it comes. It rains and rains, but there are also miracles, amazing transformations, and comforting dreams. Yes, yes, comforting dreams. Sleep, sleep, my friends. Sleep. Let everyone around you sleep, and lovers say goodbye to each other.
FIRST MINISTRY. Is it convenient?
Master. Of course.
FIRST MINISTRY. Duties of a courtier...
Master. Finished. There is no one in the world except two children. They say goodbye to each other and see no one around. Let it be so. Sleep, sleep, my friends. Sleep. You wake up and look, tomorrow has already come, and all the sorrows were yesterday. Sleep. (To the hunter.) Why aren’t you sleeping?
Oh hunter. Gave his word. I... Hush! You'll scare away the bear!

The princess enters. Behind her is the Bear.

Bear. Why did you suddenly run away from me?
Princess. I felt scared.
Bear. Scary? No need, let's go back. Let's go to you.
Princess. Look: everyone suddenly fell asleep. And sentries on the towers. And the father is on the throne. And the minister-administrator near the keyhole. It's midday, and everything around is as quiet as midnight. Why?
Bear. Because I love you. Let's go to you.
Princess. We were suddenly left alone in the world. Wait, don't hurt me.
Bear. Fine.
Princess. No, no, don't be angry. (Hugs Bear.) Let it be as you want. My God, what a blessing that I decided so. And I, fool, had no idea how good it was. Let it be as you want. (Hugs and kisses him.)

Complete darkness. Thunderclap. Music. The light flashes.
The Princess and the Bear, holding hands, look at each other.

Master. Look! Miracle, miracle! He remained human!

The distant, very sad, gradually fading sound of bells.

Ha ha ha! Do you hear? Death rides off on his white horse, running away with a slurp! Miracle, miracle! The princess kissed him - and he remained a man, and death retreated from the happy lovers.
Oh hunter. But I saw, I saw how he turned into a bear!
Master. Well, maybe for a few seconds - this can happen to anyone in similar circumstances. And then what? Look: this is a man man walking along the path with his bride and talks to her quietly. Love melted him so much that he could no longer become a bear. It's just amazing, what a fool I am. Ha ha ha! No, I’m sorry, wife, but I’ll start working miracles right now, right now, so as not to burst from excess strength. Once! Here are garlands of fresh flowers for you! Two! Here are garlands of live kittens! Don't be angry, wife! You see: they are also happy and playing. An Angora kitten, a Siamese kitten and a Siberian kitten are tumbling like siblings on the occasion of the holiday! Nice!
Household. That’s how it is, but it would be better if you did something useful for the lovers. Well, for example, I would turn the administrator into a rat.
Master. Do me a favor! (Waves his hands.)

Whistling, smoke, grinding, squeaking.

Ready! Do you hear how angry he is and squeaks underground? What else do you want?
Household. It would be nice if the king... would be further away. That would be a gift. Get rid of such a father-in-law!
Master. What a father-in-law he is! He...
Household. Don't gossip on holiday! Sin! Turn the king into a bird, my dear. And it’s not scary, and there will be no harm from it.
Master. Do me a favor! Which one?
Household. In the hummingbird.
Master. It won't fit.
Household. Well then - at forty.
Master. This is another matter. (Waves his hands.)

A sheaf of sparks. A transparent cloud, melting, flies through the garden.

Ha ha ha! He is not capable of this either. He did not turn into a bird, but melted away like a cloud, as if he had never existed.
Household. And that's nice. But what about the children? They don't even look at us. Daughter! Tell us a word!
Princess. Hello! I have already seen you all today, but it seems to me that it was so long ago. My friends, this young man is my fiancé.
Bear. It's the truth, the pure truth!
Master. We believe, we believe. Love, love each other, and all of us at the same time, do not cool down, do not retreat - and you will be so happy that it is simply a miracle!

Evgeny Schwartz

An ordinary miracle

Ekaterina Ivanovna Schwartz

Characters

Master.

Mistress.

Bear.

King.

Princess.

Minister-Administrator.

First Minister.

Court lady.

Orinthia.

Amanda.

Innkeeper.

Hunter.

Hunter's Apprentice.

Executioner.

Appears before the curtain Human, who tells the audience quietly and thoughtfully:

– “An Ordinary Miracle” – what a strange name! If a miracle means something extraordinary! And if it’s ordinary, then it’s not a miracle.

The answer is that we are talking about love. A boy and a girl fall in love with each other - which is common. They quarrel – which is also not uncommon. They almost die of love. And finally, the strength of their feeling reaches such a height that it begins to work real miracles - which is both surprising and ordinary.

You can talk about love and sing songs, but we will tell a fairy tale about it.

In a fairy tale, the ordinary and the miraculous are very conveniently placed side by side and are easily understood if you look at the fairy tale as a fairy tale. Like in childhood. Don't look for hidden meaning in it. A fairy tale is told not in order to hide, but in order to reveal, to say with all your might, out loud what you think.

Among the characters in our fairy tale, who are closer to the “ordinary” ones, you will recognize people whom you meet quite often. For example, the king. You can easily recognize in him an ordinary apartment despot, a frail tyrant who deftly knows how to explain his outrages by considerations of principle. Or dystrophy of the heart muscle. Or psychasthenia. Or even heredity. In the fairy tale, he is made a king so that his character traits reach their natural limit. You will also recognize the minister-administrator, the dashing supplier. And an honored figure in hunting. And some others.

But the heroes of the fairy tale, who are closer to the “miracle”, are deprived household damn today. Such are the wizard, and his wife, and the princess, and the bear.

How do such different people get along in one fairy tale? And it's very simple. Just like in life.

And our fairy tale begins simply. One wizard got married, settled down and started farming. But no matter how you feed the wizard, he is always drawn to miracles, transformations and amazing adventures. And so he got involved in the love story of those very young people I spoke about at the beginning. And everything got confused, mixed up - and finally unraveled so unexpectedly that the wizard himself, accustomed to miracles, clasped his hands in surprise.

It all ended in grief or happiness for the lovers - you will find out at the very end of the fairy tale. (Disappears.)

Act one

Estate in the Carpathian Mountains. Large room, sparkling clean. On the hearth is a dazzlingly sparkling copper coffee pot. A bearded man, huge in height, broad-shouldered, sweeps the room and talks to himself at the top of his voice. This owner of the estate.

Master. Like this! That's great! I work and work, as befits an owner, everyone will look and praise, everything with me is like that of other people. I don’t sing, I don’t dance, I don’t tumble like a wild animal. The owner of an excellent estate in the mountains cannot roar like a bison, no, no! I work without any liberties... Ah! (Listens, covers his face with his hands.) She's coming! She! She! Her steps... I’ve been married for fifteen years, and I’m still in love with my wife, like a boy, honestly! It's coming! She! (Giggles shyly.) What a nonsense, my heart is beating so much that it even hurts... Hello, wife!

Included mistress, still a young, very attractive woman.

Hello wife, hello! It’s been a long time since we parted, just an hour ago, but I’m happy for you, as if we haven’t seen each other for a year, that’s how I love you... (Getting scared.) What's wrong with you? Who dared to offend you?

Mistress. You.

Master. It can't be! Oh, I'm rude! Poor woman, standing there so sad, shaking her head... What a disaster! What have I, damned one, done?

Mistress. Think about it.

Master. Well, where is there to think... Speak, don’t be tormented...

Mistress. What did you do this morning in the chicken coop?

Master (laughs). So it’s me who loves!

Mistress. Thank you for such love. I open the chicken coop, and suddenly - hello! All my chickens have four legs...

Master. Well, what's offensive about that?

Mistress. And the chicken has a mustache like a soldier.

Master. Ha ha ha!

Mistress. Who promised to improve? Who promised to live like everyone else?

Master. Well, dear, well, dear, well, forgive me! What can you do... After all, I’m a wizard!

Mistress. You never know!

Master. The morning was cheerful, the sky was clear, there was nowhere to put any energy, it was so good. I wanted to fool around...

Mistress. Well, I would do something useful for the economy. They brought sand over there to sprinkle the paths. I would take it and turn it into sugar.

Master. Well, what a prank this is!

Mistress. Or he would turn those stones that were piled near the barn into cheese.

Master. Not funny!

Mistress. Well, what should I do with you? I fight, I fight, and you are still the same wild hunter, mountain wizard, crazy bearded man!

Master. I'm trying!

Mistress. Everything is going well, just like people do, and suddenly - bang! - thunder, lightning, miracles, transformations, fairy tales, all sorts of legends... Poor thing... (Kisses him.) Well, go, dear!

Master. Where?

Mistress. To the chicken coop.

Master. For what?

Mistress. Fix what you did there.

Master. I can't!

Mistress. Well please!

Master. I can't. You yourself know how things are in the world. Sometimes you mess around, and then you’ll fix everything. And sometimes there’s a click and there’s no turning back! I already beat these chickens with a magic wand, and curled them with a whirlwind, and struck them with lightning seven times - all in vain! This means that what has been done here cannot be corrected.

Mistress. Well, nothing can be done... I will shave the chicken every day, and turn away from chickens. Well, now let's move on to the most important thing. Who are you waiting for?

Master. No one.

Mistress. Look me in the eyes.

Master. I'm watching.

Mistress. Tell the truth, what will happen? What kind of guests should we receive today? People? Or will ghosts come and play dice with you? Don't be afraid, speak up. If we have the ghost of a young nun, I will even be glad. She promised to bring back from the other world a pattern for a blouse with wide sleeves, such as was worn three hundred years ago. This style is back in fashion. Will the nun come?