The departure of a loved one from the family is shock and humiliation; the first thing that runs through the mind of a stunned woman is various options How to win your husband away from your mistress. Sometimes the longing for your ex-spouse gets stuck. Before achieving a global goal, it is advisable to calm down, drink a glass of water (tea?) and understand yourself. How to remove a competitor is not a difficult question, it’s all about family relationships at all.
You can seduce a man who has a wife.
You can seduce a man who has a mistress.
But you cannot seduce a man who has a beloved woman.
Omar Khayyam
They leave not to whom, but from whom
All cases are individual, but there are natural situations of “boring” family life:- A man was married to himself (due to pregnancy; taken away from the family; when there is no love, but simply “two loneliness met”). So why be sad! You need to be honest with yourself: ex-spouse it's time to let go.
- His mistress took him away using “black magic.” Science is skeptical about such a manifestation, but does not exclude negative influence hypnosis, suggestion. The church will help you deal with this better. It doesn’t hurt to order services for your health.
- The wife turned into a “mother hen”, became a caring “mother” in a warm robe, cooking amazing soups. She thinks about the satiety and cleanliness of her husband, but forgets about intimate needs. And male nature requires physical temptations and affection!
- When omissions and claims accumulated over the years, the woman ceased to be a Muse.
Before you take your husband away from your mistress, it’s enough to think: will the love of a devoted wife be enough? Will she disdain to go to bed with her “recaptured” husband? Perhaps he truly fell in love with a woman and should be let go? When this frank self-examination is over, and the decision to beat off your husband is finally made, it’s time to take care of yourself and make your reflection in the mirror happy and beautiful! Has the king left? Long live the Queen!
- “Captain, captain, pull yourself up!” Before the operation “How to get your husband back from your mistress,” it would be nice to take care of your health and appearance. You need to think about how to get rid of excess weight with the help of regular exercises, shapewear and separate meals. Correctly selected clothes can hide up to 5 – 10 kg!
- “Love me, love me!” Entertainment and interesting activities will help you get rid of a bad mood. You can sign up for a swimming pool, go to karaoke, learn the basics oriental dances. Depending on the circumstances, light flirting with attractive male representatives is not prohibited.
- “Dress is a woman’s second nature.” It wouldn't hurt to reconsider your wardrobe either, but how can you delete a few years from your passport? Choose a stylish hairstyle!
When the homewrecker is to blame
How to return the most dear of men from the “networks” of a mistress is suggested by the advice of experienced psychologists and family consultants. This applies to ex-partners in the same way. There are three main directions in the art of “how to remove a competitor”:- They advise you to just wait as if nothing happened. Men understand that they are on their honeymoon with their new lover, and they hardly want to shoulder the burden of her problems. A fling for a few weeks doesn't mean anything. A relationship on the side for more than 3 months is already a serious habit; it’s time to act, and not think about how to discourage your husband from a new hobby.
- There are lifelong ladies' men. When marrying such a man, a woman has no illusions about his monogamy. Such men are wolves in sheep's clothing. You can only feel sorry for the naive “homewrecker” girl.
- Another type of action that dictates how to remove the third wheel is to become better, more precisely, yourself (after all, his wife once drove him crazy)!
- “Sex is the head of everything.” They leave a family for another not for delicious pastries, but to plunge into the ocean of intimate desires. Who, if not the spouse, knows what his beloved loves in bed, what has turned him on for years? A wife needs to forget about embarrassment and awkwardness, and make her man truly happy, without remorse.
- "Goldfish". It is foolish to believe that a spouse only holds intimacy with another. His mistress silently listens to how he dreams of jumping with a parachute or is afraid of the dentist. And she never asks for anything.
Important! A man needs to be able to listen and not openly bombard him with everyday requests. Before asking to pick up your baby from kindergarten, you can kiss your spouse and look tenderly into their eyes, and not command or order them.
- "Play with me!" It’s better to visit a sex toy store with your loved one or arrange a home striptease. Even such a detail as forgetting to wear underwear under a dress will always turn a man on.
The behavior of the most confused person will tell you how to get everything back. He loves homemade cutlets, doesn't he? Have you ever wanted to go to a concert or on a hike? An understanding, like-minded wife is the best gift for him.
In addition, you can start from the Buddhist formula of happiness, when they advise you to eat, love and be sure to pray. You need to provide this to your partner - cook delicious food, love him, sometimes make him jealous and believe him. This is an effective technique for weaning your legitimate other half from wrong connections.
Keep near you
If you didn’t need a partner in your family life, you just wanted to regain faith in yourself and it turned out great, you should discuss everything with him honestly. It depends on his views on the future and the motives of his wife herself whether they will follow the same path or whether everyone will continue to receive freedom - from obligations, pretense, unnecessary affection. Such a cheater will leave on his own or do everything in the name of sincere forgiveness.And if you really need a partner, and this has only become clear now, you need to rebuild your married life. To keep your loved one near you, you can do things that are not without psychological tricks:
Bottom line
Every wife in such a situation intuitively feels what can be done and whether it is worth eliminating her rival. But truly Great can be called such a wife who was able to rekindle the fire of feelings, sincerely forgive and forget what is usually not allowed to get away with. This is probably why the woman is called the Guardian of the Hearth. For the sake of such love and such a wife, a husband will do anything.
What to do if your ex-lover won't let your husband go?
Wait! Hope! Believe! Pray! Read the conspiracies! Visualize! Use the children! Get pregnant! Kick him out so he can come back! Fight your lover! Get rid of her! Pray again! Believe again! Hope again! And don’t stop waiting! And so on until the old woman Death comes to you, puts her withered hand on your shoulder and quenches all your sorrows. And you will go to another world with the blissful thought that life was not lived in vain, that all of it, right down to the very bottom, was given to the fight for your HUSBAND and FAMILY! Amen, sister.
The wife changed the showdown with her lover, is it worth organizing?
Where is the famous “male logic”? Your wife cheated on you, and are you planning to arrange a showdown with your lover? But he didn’t cheat on you! Deal with your wife, and at the same time with your personal life and marriage. It looks like you no longer have either one, or the other, or the third.
If a wife nags her husband for having an affair with his mistress and he still doesn’t leave his mistress?
So we have a classic love triangle, madam!
We are 50 years old, my husband has a 36-year-old mistress, what should we do?
File for divorce.
Why does a husband stop calling his wife by name?
So as not to get confused in the names between her and her mistress, madam. Cheating has a lot of signals, but wives are blind and deaf to them. As do husbands.
When does a wife punch her cheating husband in the face?
When they are filming the show “Let Them Talk.” In life, she dreams of “punching” her mistress in the face, but she is afraid of the consequences, and she doesn’t smile at getting punched in the eye in return. The hatred of a wife whose husband cheats is not directed at him, but at his mistress.
How to get rid of hatred towards your husband for cheating?
Divorce him. for some time you will continue to hate him, but as an ex-husband, which is undoubtedly easier. Then you will not care, because you will have a beloved man. Most likely married. And then, having seen and felt betrayal from the other side, you will begin to better understand your ex-husband and his past betrayal will appear before you in a completely different light.
My wife is dating another man and they are in love, advice on what to do?
“Don’t stand in the way of high feelings, and if you do, move away”© Divorce. May lovers find freedom to love! And you - freedom from their love.
What should I do if my husband left for someone else and they have a child, but he abandoned our child?
If you haven't divorced him yet, get a divorce and file for alimony. And start organizing your personal life without regard to your ex-husband, his women and children.
What should a Muslim woman do if her husband has an illegitimate child?
The same as for a Christian woman - divorce her husband or pull the burden further.
Please advise! Does your husband always spend the night with his mistress?
Get a divorce!
What to do in a situation if a lover, in addition to his wife, has two permanent mistresses?
This is not a situation, this is “completely kaput”, madam! Drive him to the neck, this is not a lover, but a walking penis! Or, to put it in more literary language, “cock-bearer”!
How to get rid of the thought of your husband’s illegitimate child?
Well yes, of course! The main thing is not to think about his illegitimate child, about his illegitimate wife, about his extramarital sex and his extramarital life - and everything will be H-O-R-O-S-O! Everything will somehow resolve itself and settle down! “My thoughts are bitter, my thoughts are damned, my stupid love, my little head!”©
Could this be the case, if the husband corresponded with the girls, then maybe he didn’t cheat?
For me, the very fact of correspondence is already treason. And if you’re talking about sex, then yes, of course, maybe he hasn’t had time to fuck any of them yet. Although it is unlikely, nowadays this is done quickly. One lady, having caught her husband on a dating site where he was having intense conversations with women, immediately filed for divorce. To my husband’s cries: “I haven’t cheated on you yet!” She replied - “And I won’t wait for this to happen!” Whether it comes to sex or not, the intention of betrayal is obvious.
Is it necessary to restrain a husband who is in love with another?
No, let him go to her and live with her. But only first - a divorce, otherwise, as soon as these swings begin, now to her, now to you, the soul will be taken out of both of you by this love-lack of love.
Otherwise, turn to me for help, I will knock out all your love for another from your husband and you will continue to live and live. This is if you really want to continue the relationship with this man.
How long does a husband's love for another woman last?
You won't wait. Falling in love, if it hasn’t passed within a couple of months, has already turned into love, that is, into a relationship and these relationships are tied to your family situation and to you personally, and in general has become part of your husband’s lifestyle. In other words: welcome to the love triangle, madam!
Do husbands often return to abandoned families if they have already returned once?
Often. They come back, then leave again and come back again. Such husbands swing like pendulums - first they will live with their mistress, then with their wife, then again with their mistress. Nomads in one word! As soon as any problems arise, they immediately move away from them.
Will the husband find out about the betrayal?
He will find out. The only question is when. Even scouts get stuck on something, but you don’t have that kind of training, right?
Pregnant with my second child and my husband went on a spree, what should I do?
Gestate, give birth, what else can you do? You won’t decide to get a divorce judging by the fact that your husband is not “cheating,” but simply got naughty and went on a spree. Go and see grandma, let her whisper something. There will be no sense, but my heart will be calmer.
How to become interesting for your leaving husband to your mistress?
We realized it too late, madam. Now he simply won’t notice any of your “interesting things.”
According to my observations, every second of the husbands leaving the family, before finally deciding on their choice of the woman with whom he plans to live next, one or more times rushed from wife to mistress, from mistress to wife, and so on. In my practice, there were several dozen men who performed such intricate zigzags up to ten times! By analogy with the concept that has long been accepted in international politics - “shuttle diplomacy”, I define for myself those men who rush back and forth for some time after leaving their wife as “shuttle husbands”. We're talking about them now.
In continuation of what has been said: half of those husbands who first left their wife for their mistress, and then rushed back and forth, are generally unable to decide on their choice! The key word here is “yourself.” They rush around, unable to make a fundamental decision on their own, changing it every few hours or days, until the patience of one of their women – a wife or mistress – runs out. Then either the wife collects all her husband’s things, takes them out of the apartment (or leaves his apartment herself), files for divorce and adamantly brings it to the end. Or the exhausted lover herself calls her wife and tells her something like: “Dear wife! Please take your husband, he has already worn out all my nerves: he is always grieving, yearning and whining! Let him live with you, but in the future you better look after him, so that he no longer fools any women with his love and promises of divorce and marriage!” In any of these options, the active will of the husband is not manifested. In fact, the women make the decision for him; the runaway husband himself comes to nothing. That is:
After leaving his wife and tossing from his wife to his mistress
and back, even when he came to one of the women,
the husband may never come to anything definite.
This is how classic situation No. 1 arises, when, months after leaving the family, the husband still comes to the idea that it is best to be with his wife. But here’s the problem: his wife won’t take him back! As a result, the man remains with his mistress. Only spiritual comfort never comes... The man will commit several more unsuccessful attempts to leave his mistress for his wife, he may then leave his mistress for nowhere, or for another woman, or even become an alcoholic.
Or classic situation No. 2: seeing his mental suffering, the husband was driven back to his wife by the mistress herself. But, despite his torments of consciousness, he has not yet fully come to this decision. The fruit of psychic efforts was not yet ripe. As a result, he lives with his wife, but begins to ask again for his mistress. However, if she once dreamed of him coming to her, now she only wants to forget this unsuccessful experiment on her biography as quickly as possible. And the mistress does not accept the man. Formally, the husband returned to the family, but in fact he cannot live in it. Whether this husband leaves for another woman or the beginning of his behavior, when the wife herself now throws her husband out of the house, is only a matter of time. By the way, it is precisely this decision-making for the runaway husband at the will of a morally tired mistress that explains the fragility of many married couples who seem to have reconciled and restored cohabitation. Because the decision itself was fragile, or rather, the problematic man did not make it at all.
A reasonable question: So what should a wife do in such a situation? Consulting with your mistress? Draw lots on matches, which of them will get this man? Should we agree to kick him out at once for both affected women? Should all three of us get together and talk long and tediously about everything? Or even resolve the dispute by force and a fight between the wife and the contender? You can believe me: the author has seen all these scenarios many hundreds of times, and does not consider them successful or correct at all. The most correct strategy is still repeated providing the departed husband with the opportunity to return home, to his family and children, but with the obligatory observance of five conditions:
- the husband himself asks his wife to be allowed back into the family;
- the husband does not behave provocatively, does not abuse alcohol, etc.;
- when the husband returns home, the wife does not reproach her husband for leaving, does not be sarcastic;
- the wife herself does not kick out her husband if he suddenly begins to gravitate towards another departure for his mistress;
— throughout this entire time, the wife has been tirelessly improving in all the areas described in the book: improving her appearance, her qualities as a housewife and mother, increasing her sexuality, making her husband jealous, adjusting her relationships with her husband’s relatives, increasing her overall success, etc.
But before revealing the meaning and significance of these five conditions, which some rash readers may find outrageous, we must first clarify why men behave in such a strange and uncertain way. Here the point is the following. Most of the husbands leaving their families (if the husband is not an alcoholic and/or a parasite: they are easy-going) is connected precisely with long-term love relationships which can last for years. Here both sides are worried and worried at once - both the man and his mistress. The girl is afraid of losing her man, the prospect of marrying him and having children from him. That is, the mistress is primarily afraid of losing her future. Fortunately for her, the mistress usually has no one to report to: she herself is the mistress of her Fate and her decisions. A man is afraid of losing much more, a whole complex, a whole world: his wife, child/children, relationships with his wife’s relatives and his own, her friends, an apartment, an established life, a reputation, often business and status at work, even the job itself, etc. .d. etc. That is, he immediately loses both the past and the present, and then understandable the future (as opposed to the incomprehensible future of his mistress) in the version that at the time of his departure from the family was, as they say, “already in his pocket”: some major acquisitions, prospects for children, his own growth in business or career, etc. It is not surprising that those who lose more are much more nervous. In addition, over the months or years of a relationship, forced to constantly hide his connection with his mistress, meetings in the evenings and weekends, illegal overnight stays together, “left” expenses for a girlfriend, a married man almost always seriously wears out and is exhausted morally and physically: his psyche is subjected to such overloads and stress that literally few people can withstand. Therefore, before leaving their wife, many men already begin to seriously abuse alcohol and get sick.
The very moment of a husband leaving the family for his mistress is stressful on the square. One world for a man is already collapsing, the other is still only in the formative stage, and it is frankly shameful to look into the eyes of his wife and children, as well as relatives, friends and colleagues. Plus, the need for money increases many times over; it is necessary to fulfill one’s responsibilities to two families. Meanwhile, there is still an unpleasant legal procedure ahead: divorce proceedings, division of property, resolving issues regarding loans and mortgages, communication with the child/children in a new format. Let’s also add communication with complete strangers: judges, bank employees, lawyers, a possible stepfather of one’s own children, relatives and friends of the mistress who were still unknown to this point in time.
It is not surprising that within a period of several days to several weeks after leaving the family, more than half ex-husbands find themselves in that psychologically unstable state, which in medical language has several options at once: neurosis, psychosis, depression, etc. Moreover, for many people, this condition develops already in the first hours after a sharp conversation with his wife who found out about the betrayal: the man has not yet managed to get his things to his mistress, and his temperature and/or blood pressure is already rising or falling, he begins to shake, dizziness occurs, Various phobias, vegetative-vascular dystonia, and panic attacks may develop. And we are not even talking about the fact that they can also suffer from exacerbations of various chronic diseases (stomach ulcers, gastritis, asthma, etc.), as well as the most fatal – stroke and heart attack.
The physiological component of this process has been well studied by psychiatrists, neurologists and psychologists: in special centers of the brain and adrenal glands of a man under prolonged stress, which began many months or years before leaving the family (in reality, from the very moment of betrayal), the production of a positive hormone is catastrophically reduced serotonin, which is responsible for a very large complex of important actions in the body: for dilation of blood vessels and regulation of blood pressure, for healthy sleep, for immunity to diseases, for good mood and sexual activity, etc. A decreased amount of serotonin simply physically cannot relieve the effect of other hormones actively released in the body during periods of stress - adrenaline and norepinephrine. As a matter of fact, a chronic and noticeable excess of the level of the hormones adrenaline and norepinephrine over the level of serotonin is nothing more than depression. A disease that gradually develops and can lead not only to complete apathy and feelings of dying (a false feeling of lack of air or heart failure during panic attacks, etc.), but also outbursts of aggression, schizophrenia, and many other mental and psychological disorders. Hence, as a specialist who has seen hundreds of men in such states, I express the opinion that:
More than half of the husbands who leave the family after
long-term betrayals are in an inadequate state.
This is exactly what wives face when they begin to communicate with their husbands who have run away from home. The shock of the impression from communicating with husbands who have suddenly become completely Strangers and Others is especially great when talking about divorce, children, property, etc. As a matter of fact, this inadequacy of husbands, the anomaly of their behavior and perception of the world, precisely gives rise to women’s thoughts that supposedly someone has “jinxed” their husbands, “put a spell on them,” etc. In fact, everything is simple: this is exactly the effect that stress hormones play in a man’s head. Of course, the degree of inadequacy varies, from extremely insignificant to such that runaway husbands have to turn to psychotherapists, undergo treatment in departments of nervous diseases (or cardiology, where they can end up by mistake), take sleeping pills and antidepressants for a long time. But in any case, the adoption and implementation of any decisions by men after leaving the family is carried out by men extremely inconsistently and incorrectly, according to the scheme: “one step forward - two steps back.” Unfortunately, this period of inappropriate behavior itself can take weeks, months, or a whole year...
Wives are also susceptible to depressive disorders of varying nature and duration. Especially if they take a passive position and do not modernize themselves as recommended in this book. However, Mother Nature has provided women with an important antidote to depression - the maternal instinct. Communication with children, caring for them, physical contact, daily walks with them in the fresh air are one of the powerful sources of serotonin production. By compensating for the decrease in communication with the departed husband by increasing communication with the child, without realizing it themselves, wives treat themselves no worse than taking antidepressants. But husbands who leave their wives and children deprive themselves of this most important source of serotonin. That's why they fight for the right to communicate with children as desperately as for the opportunity to breathe. After all, they intuitively or at the level of physical sensations feel how beneficial it is for their health and thinking to communicate with children. In addition, the very familiarity of the situation (after all, when husbands leave, it is most often the wives who remain in their home apartment) also helps abandoned women maintain the necessary balance in behavior. But departed husbands almost always find themselves in a new, and therefore psychologically traumatic, environment. No matter how luxurious it may be.
Why is all this described by the author? It’s not at all that we should feel sorry for “the poor and unhappy husbands who left the family!” We will definitely not sympathize with them, since they themselves made their risky choice. Only smart wives should understand that demanding too much, namely the notorious “certainty” from those husbands who are temporarily in a less than adequate state, is pointless and technically impossible. Accordingly, the author considers it wrong for a wife to file an application for divorce when the woman wants to carry it out, not wanting to wait “until he figures out in his own head what exactly he wants.” If the departed husband is generally a normal person and meets the requirements that I set out in the chapter “Save the family when your husband cheats or file for divorce?”, why rush to give him to someone else?! I think it’s right to wait at least those two or three months until either the necessary stabilization and return of rationality occurs in the husband’s psyche, or he brings himself to a clinical state and ends up with a doctor. Where his depression will be treated and, having come to his senses, he will most likely rethink his own behavior and return back to his family. Moreover, both during the period of treatment and gradual clarification of his consciousness, and during mental suffering, a man may well live with his mistress. It is there, in conditions of melancholy and a gradual increase in the number of household and financial demands from his mistress, that men finally return to themselves and understand: what they received from her it wasn't worth it lost in the family. But, as you know, every vegetable has its time, and every fruit must ripen... So let the runaway husbands ripen to the right time psychological state, the main thing is not to disturb them in this.
Now about the technical side of the matter. In Chapter 19, “The Husband’s Jealousy as a Tool for Preserving the Family,” it was already said that a shuttle husband who leaves the family should be deprived of the keys to the apartment, the right of free access to it and intimacy with his wife. But, at the same time, when a sober husband politely asks to come visit, the wife cordially lets him in, feeds him a delicious dinner, and communicates with him kindly (while avoiding questions about his new life with another). She boasts about the child’s successes, plays sports in the presence of her husband (squats, push-ups, press exercises, works with dumbbells), and can even go to the gym while her husband is ready to babysit the child. However, the wife herself should absolutely not take the initiative to leave her husband overnight! Since, firstly, it will be perceived as her surrender. Secondly, seeing this as a sign that he is still the master of the situation, such a husband will continue to run back and forth for quite a long time.
Therefore, when it approaches midnight, the wife should politely but persistently ask her husband to leave for his new oasis of marital bliss. For example, with the words: “Dear, we’re going to bed, so it’s time for you to go... Moreover, they’re probably already waiting for you there... In general, since you left and are going to get a divorce, you need to learn to live apart... And in general: as a decent woman, I not in the mood to spend the night with married man. Even if not officially married yet, but in any case already living with another girl. Even though she hurt me, I don’t want to return pain to her with pain...”
If the husband calmly packed up and left, it’s okay: he’ll try to stay in family of origin another time. But now he knows what a great guy his wife is, respects her for her principled position and clearly realizes that it’s all his own fault. But half of the husbands may begin to protest and ask to stay after all. No matter what motivation the husband gives (no one is waiting for him, that woman is on night duty or with her parents, he allegedly does not report to anyone for anything, etc.), you should not believe her. After much persuasion, you can supposedly melt away and leave your husband with you. Just under no circumstances sleep with him, much less enter into an intimate relationship! We all know that what comes cheap and easy is not valued. A wife who, after her husband leaves, is ready to behave with him as if nothing happened will also not be valued. In the morning, the satisfied husband will go back to his mistress, knowing that everything will be the way he wants. But if the wife behaves reasonably, she should remain the mistress of the situation. Therefore, the bed is made separately for the husband, and separately for the wife. At the same time, the wife once again clearly repeats that she is not some kind of accessible woman, she is not going to share her legal husband with someone else. And if the husband himself left for someone else, that’s his own business. Sleeping with someone who is definitely sleeping with someone else, and thereby allowing infection with something skin-related or sexually transmitted, is not part of the code of conduct of a decent mother.
If the shuttle husband begins to insist on sleeping in the same bed, declaring that he has definitely decided everything and will take his things from his mistress tomorrow, the wife should be given three conditions: she can go to bed again with her husband only if:
- the husband will write a receipt in which he will indicate in writing that he made a mistake, apologizes for his behavior, withdraws the application for divorce from the magistrate’s court and solemnly returns home on such and such a day of such and such a month of such and such a year;
- the husband will actually come back home tomorrow with his things;
- after returning with things, the husband, or in front of his wife, calls his mistress, informing her that it’s all over, or gathers relatives (his and his wife) and tells them that he did something stupid, but now he’s already understood everything and it won’t happen again.
I especially insist on the husband’s position being written down. But, at the same time, I immediately declare that penitential and guarantee texts written in my husband’s own hand are not a panacea at all! With a 50/50 chance, shuttle husbands still break their obligations. They violate because they are not themselves and cannot take full responsibility for their words and actions. However, everything written by the departed husband in his own hand has the highest value, even in the case of total non-fulfillment. These texts, firstly, can be presented to the husband himself if he repeatedly promises something. Secondly, in the case of a personal conversation, they can always be presented to your mistress or mother-in-law. Especially if the shuttle husband declared in them his love for his wife and readiness to leave his mistress. I even know of cases where wives scanned these texts and publicly displayed them in their social networks, mistresses read this and indignantly sent their men back to their wives. Thirdly, they can be given to all the husband’s relatives to read, so that they understand who is to blame for everything. Fourthly, they can be used in divorce proceedings, communicating with the judge when dividing property. Fifthly, if everything goes badly and the shuttle husband finally leaves his wife, the text of his letter can be shown to the grown children so that they do not consider mom guilty of dad’s departure and do not accept his distorted description of everything that happened.
Let me remind you: sleep together and sex - only after fulfilling at least part of the obligations assumed by your husband! In any case, only subject to written guarantees of returning home. But you should definitely give your husband the opportunity to spend the night at home! Even super definitely! For a very simple reason: to irritate his mistress. Do you think that woman will be happy if someone else’s husband, who arrived with her things not so long ago, suddenly spent the night with his wife? Of course not! Of course, he will tell her something respectful. For example, that you are sick small child, and he couldn't leave him in that position. Or the wife threatened to commit suicide if her husband left today. Or her parents were visiting his wife, the conversation lasted past midnight, was accompanied by alcohol, and the man chose not to risk getting behind the wheel. Etc. etc. In any of these cases, the mistress will not believe it, will be offended, and the psychological atmosphere in this couple will worsen. Which is what you, as a wife, need.
So, let’s say your shuttle husband spent the night with you. Don’t rush to be either happy or sad: this means absolutely nothing. Neither in the case of him sleeping separately from you, nor in the case of his written assurances, solemn vows and sleeping together. (Just as wives should not be forbidden to sleep separately from their departed husband, half still give up and get ready for sex. Then they cry...) In the morning, be sure to make a hearty breakfast, feed your husband, then correctly but persistently throw him out the door (I hope that the locks you have already changed). It's best to leave home together. Even if you don’t need to go anywhere that day, go out with your husband anyway: it will be less offensive to him. You will then return back to your home alone.
We will continue to monitor the development of the situation. A husband who has not made a commitment may, after some time, ask for an overnight stay again. Let him in without any problems, but under the same conditions. If your husband vowed to come with his things in the evening and didn’t come, don’t worry: this almost always happens. Don’t call him yourself, don’t ask him where he is, because he gave his word! But when a few days later he comes back to spend the night looking as if he hadn’t promised anything, let him in anyway. Of course, you will be very, very painful! But you shouldn’t show it, much less cause a scandal. Because it will be even more painful for the one from whom he left for you today. And then she might not be able to stand it and start making trouble. Then the score will be 1:0 in your favor, because you are great, and she is a bitch and evil! Guess who the shuttle husband will want to spend the night with tomorrow? That's it.
If your runaway husband, begging for the right to the “first night” after leaving, promised you to return and actually returned, in this case you can generously stimulate him with a good dinner and the kind of sex he likes. And no reproaches about the fact that he left at all: do not spoil the impression of his return for him and yourself! Indeed, according to my observations:
Ask back to your wife for many husbands,
those who left the family are psychologically more difficult,
than to announce his resignation.
Therefore, in the interests of preserving the family, men, no matter what they are, should still be helped. In any case, declare a temporary moratorium on the process of domestic sawing of husbands. However, one should not rejoice ahead of time even if the husband quickly returns. After spending the night several times, your husband can again go to his mistress, and the whole cycle will be completed again and again. As already mentioned, the process of a husband’s shuttle visit to his abandoned wife can be multiple and lengthy. Moreover, you must clearly understand:
The fact that your departed husband asks to spend the night at your house,
does not mean that he feels bad with his mistress or that he has repented.
He just might be depressed and disoriented.
With his mistress, he can actually be absolutely wonderful! But the pandemonium with hormones that played out in his brain creates such colossal discomfort for him that runaway husbands literally climb the wall, trying to somehow alleviate their mental and physical pain after insomnia and pressure surges. By analogy with the so-called “call of the sea”, low- and high-frequency vibrations of the seabed and waves that are not audible to the human ear, but from which sailors can temporarily lose control of themselves, throw themselves from the ship into the abyss and drown, this depressive disorder, caused in husbands by leaving the family, I call in my practice “the psychic call of the family.” Being under its depressive influence, some men begin to believe in nonsense that they were bewitched by some “witch grandmother” at the request of their wife, others offer their wives a sliding schedule of family visits, when the departed husband reserves for himself, for example, the right to one - two to three overnight stays with family per week. As in the case of a solo sleepover, a smart wife should agree to such a schedule. For a variety of reasons:
- this is how we make our mistress nervous again, unleash her anger on the man, and worsen their relationship. Especially intimate ones, because not all mistresses will believe that the husband and wife had no connection at all when they spent the night together;
— we reduce the likelihood of her decision to become pregnant in such unstable conditions, where the man who left for her periodically spends the night with his wife;
- We give children the opportunity to see their father more often;
— thanks to frequent meetings, we allow the husband to see the positive dynamics of his wife’s changes (appearance, sexuality, etc.);
— we strengthen the connection between husband and wife, up to the restoration of regular intimate relationships.
Regarding the last point. If the shuttle husband begins to regularly spend the night with his wife, his behavior clearly increases in meaning and consistency, he begins to perform economic functions and generously spends money on his family, if he took the application for divorce from the magistrate’s court (or never brought it there at all) , then you can not only begin to stimulate him by restoring intimate relationships, but even get pregnant. The practice of my observations shows that if the couple is still in a formal marriage, and the shuttle husband who left the family gradually increases his presence in his home again, the wife’s pregnancy helps him finally decide on his choice. Including, providing him with that reinforced concrete argument that he can present both to himself and to his mistress, explaining why he should return to his wife.
Travels of the shuttle husband. There is also the following variant of the shuttle behavior of a departed husband: unexpectedly invite his wife (from whom the husband seems to have left forever) and child on a joint trip to the sea. Or offer to send your wife and child/children on a vacation trip, but without dad. Of course, all this is at the expense of the husband. The husbands themselves cannot really explain why they do this. They regularly tell me that this is their fatherly duty, and supposedly this has nothing to do with returning back to the family. At the same time, they immediately agree that this spoils the relationship with his mistress and strengthens the relationship with his wife. And then they fall silent and don’t know what to say on this controversial issue. Regardless of the man’s explanations, one should accept such proposals and insist that they should still go together, since this is psychologically more comfortable for the child. In the event of a joint trip, during the entire time, under no circumstances raise the topic of his leaving the family and the other woman. Don’t be jealous if your husband runs away to call the applicant during a joint vacation. Do not deny your husband sex if such an initiative comes from him. If you see his corresponding attitude, you can take the initiative yourself. A joint vacation should be such that after it the husband immediately wants to pick up things from his mistress and return home. But even if your husband left the airport not for your home, but again for his passion, do not panic: with a high degree of probability, your husband will become yours within a short time. Especially if he finds out that he got you pregnant. This is a hint for you.
The departed husband is friends. It should also be said about another, more common variant of shuttle behavior. This is when the departed husband, although he doesn’t ask to spend the night at his wife’s house, nevertheless offers to communicate with her in every possible way: he calls her several times a day, drops by at work, drops him off from work, invites her for walks, invites her to the cinema and cafes, tries to force himself to go out with his wife. for her friends' birthdays or for her corporate parties. I also directly recommend that wives support this mood of their fugitive in every possible way and accept all his offers. And try as much as possible to go out with your husband to public places in your locality: walk along the central streets, defiantly holding hands and kissing, visit cinemas when they are the most full, dine together at business lunches, etc. It is important that his mistress is informed: despite formally going to her with things, the husband still communicates a lot and often with his wife. Moreover, in my work practice, the same situation has occurred dozens of times:
Formally, a husband who has left the family can spend
free time with my wife is more frequent and interesting,
than it was when they lived together.
Your reasons for supporting such behavior of your husband are exactly the same as when you spend the night with your spouse: to sow discord between him and his passion. Plus, give the tormented husband the opportunity to understand that he feels comfort precisely when he communicates with his legitimate family, and not when he is with his mistress. If a relationship of this kind develops and you feel comfortable about it, you can invite your husband to spend the night at home and please you with delicious dinners. Smoothly turning into violent sex and sleep together. Let him now be cunning in relation to his mistress: he comes up with the same supposed “business trips” for her that he used to use to justify his absence from home to you. Everything done sooner or later comes back like a boomerang.
Let's move on. If there has been progress in the behavior of your shuttle husband, he began to periodically spend the night with you and behave well, or does not spend the night, but behaves emphatically caring and respectful - it’s time to conduct the dialogue with him that will be given in the next chapter “Two Family monologue with a suitcase at the door." The conversation may have an immediate effect, it may achieve the goal in a few days or weeks, or it may never achieve it. Therefore, this conversation can be repeated again after some time.
If, within a period of a week to several months, the shuttle husband has returned to the family, you should be guided by the recommendations described in Chapters 25 and 26. If time passes, and your husband continues to run back and forth, he is for you for a day, two day - for his mistress, then he calls ten times a day, then in a week - not once, then this can mean the following:
- increasing your chances if your mistress has less patience than you, and she begins to give your husband ultimatums according to the scheme: “let’s decide already, either me or her!”;
- reducing your chances if your mistress has more patience than you, and it is you who begin to force your husband to make a general decision “here and now!”;
- bringing your departed husband closer to such unpleasant things as stroke, heart attack, problems with blood pressure, stomach (ulcer), pancreas (pancreatitis, diabetes), prostatitis, depression, insomnia, alcoholism, etc. etc. The last option, with diseases, is especially common. The fact is that due to a decrease in immunity, which sharply decreases during stress and depression:
Divorces, infidelity and leaving the family account for at least a third
all hospital patients and deaths of men under 50 years of age.
At the same time, it is interesting that many shuttle husbands, generally understanding where exactly his condition is leading (to a hospital bed or to the morgue), deliberately do nothing and do not even seek medical help. As these men themselves tell me, their logic is simple and has three aspects:
Aspect 1. Avoid making a decision. In this case, a man ends up in the hospital with the secret thought that he will go to one of his women who will show maximum care for him (so poor and suffering). Thus, everything will somehow be resolved on its own. The winner is the one who is willing to pay more for the family: with her time, money, tears, etc. The motto of these men is: “I am the prize! Whoever takes me out of the hospital and comes out is the one I’ll go to!”
Aspect 2. Don’t make excuses for the losing woman. According to the man, to the woman who visited him less often at the hospital, and therefore did not receive it at the exit from the medical institution, there is no need to make excuses: “It’s her own fault!”
Aspect 3. Pity for the patient will reduce the amount of deserved criticism from children, parents, other relatives and friends. As you know, patients always evoke sympathy. So it often turns out that “the beaten one is lucky!” A husband who is discharged from the hospital, regardless of whether he goes to his wife or his mistress, ceases to be the object of harsh criticism from others.
Of course, all these male tricks are sewn with white thread for everyone around. But this does not bother the not very sane shuttle husbands at all: they get sick on a planned basis, almost die on a planned basis, and are planned to be resurrected for a new life in order to get it as a trophy to the one who, as it seems to them, loves. In fact, she is the most enterprising and persistent. By the way, according to my observations:
Every third personal acquaintance of wives with mistresses
takes place at the hospital bed of their common man.
I will also note that in hospital battles for a man, wives and mistresses win approximately equally. Behind the wives is life experience, high social status and a larger number of necessary contacts among doctors. For mistresses - the absence of small children to look after, more free time, the fact of a possible pregnancy and a willingness to go to the end. Therefore, if your shuttle husband decided to remove all questions of his and other people’s future by competently “laying to the bottom” in the hospital ward, it is important for you to make sure that your mistress cannot get through to him purely technically. To do this, it is necessary to organize the daily visit of the runaway husband by all relatives and friends so that the applicant constantly bumps into someone from those who clearly will not be happy to see her. Including late evening and early morning. If this plan is implemented, the runaway husband is almost always returned home to the children. The most important thing in all this is to really cure someone who is confused in own life depressed husband. Therefore, shaming him in the hospital premises is also strictly prohibited!
However, shaming shuttle husbands is prohibited not only in the hospital, but everywhere. This makes them feel uncomfortable, and, like birds flying south in the fall, they rush to the one who only praises and is proud. The task of the wise wife’s correct behavior in this case is not so much to completely win (the husband can still run for months), but to first stabilize the situation and maintain warm and friendly contact with the departed husband, both on her part and on the part of the child/children. As has already been said many times, other factors will ultimately decide everything: the degree of everyday comfort of the mistress, the speed of modernization of the wife’s appearance and behavior, the general reasonableness in the behavior of the wife and mistress.
And one more thing. I cannot help but express my concern that the psyche and health of not only problematic husbands, but also their wives and mistresses suffer from stressful pre-divorce situations. No one has nerves of iron! Therefore, I ask my dear readers to apply everything that was discussed in this chapter to themselves. If during a period of family instability you begin to develop any diseases, in addition to visiting specialists, be sure to visit a psychologist or psychotherapist. It is quite possible that one or two visits will be enough for you to stop thinking that there is something wrong with your body, thinking and behavior, or that you carry the symptoms of almost all the diseases from the medical reference book. That is, you will save yourself and your loved ones from everything that is called psychosomatics.
Now, as promised, I will tell you what exactly should be said to the husband who left the family. Both when he just told you about his leaving the family, and when he begins to come to his senses and soberly assess both what is happening and his own prospects.
Remarque
Since this book can be read not only by wives whose husbands have left the family, but also by those who outwardly everything is fine with their husbands, I ask everyone to take into account: the concept of “psychosomatics” that is so familiar to everyone - that is, the provocation of objectively real, visible and special medical equipment of diseases with deep subjective experiences, especially often manifests itself precisely when secret love affairs begin to approach their finale: both the severance of relations with the mistress, and the need to leave the family. Therefore, if your husband is still outwardly an exemplary family man, but suddenly began to complain about his health, in addition to helping him recover, carefully analyze his behavior: perhaps that girl with an angelic face from the legal department, or a divorced accountant, is pressing on him with the power of a hundred-ton press from a firm of suppliers you would never have thought of. But for some reason they call your husband too often. If you realize it in time and take the countermeasures described in Chapter 11, “How to End Your Husband's Cheating Without Showing You Know About It,” you may not only save your family from divorce, but also your husband's life. I'll put my own pun on this:
The high mortality rate of still quite young men is often caused by
their penchant for affairs with tall young girls.
Therefore, if wives value their husbands, they should be more attentive to the appearance around them of those who are very reminiscent of the wives themselves... only 10-15 years younger. And periodically remind your husbands of the maxim of the poet-moralist from psychology Andrei Zberovsky:
Carefree laughter of girls
often promises a man great worries.
Including about his own health. And about the health of his wife and children too.
Now, in continuation of our conversation, read my article “Two Family Monologues with a Suitcase at the Doorstep,” also posted on my website.
She, like the text you just read about shuttle husbands, is taken from my book “If your husband cheated or left, and you want to return him back to the family.”
If you require personal advice, I will always be happy to help you. Sincerely, Doctor of Sciences, Professor Andrey Zberovsky.