Bunin Ivan Alekseevich
Ivan Bunin
Easy breathing
In the cemetery, above a fresh clay mound, there is a new cross made of oak, strong, heavy, smooth.
April, gray days; The monuments of the cemetery, spacious, county, are still visible far away through the bare trees, and the cold wind rings and rings the porcelain wreath at the foot of the cross.
Embedded in the cross itself is a rather large, convex porcelain medallion, and in the medallion is a photographic portrait of a schoolgirl with joyful, amazingly lively eyes.
This is Olya Meshcherskaya.
As a girl, she did not stand out in any way in the crowd of brown school dresses: what could be said about her, except that she was one of the pretty, rich and happy girls, that she was capable, but playful and very careless about the instructions given to her cool lady? Then she began to blossom and develop by leaps and bounds. At the age of fourteen, she had thin waist and slender legs, breasts and all those forms were already clearly outlined, the charm of which has never yet been expressed by human words; at fifteen she was already considered a beauty. How carefully some of her friends combed their hair, how clean they were, how careful they were about their restrained movements! But she was not afraid of anything - not ink stains on her fingers, not a flushed face, not disheveled hair, not a knee that became bare when falling while running. Without any of her worries or efforts, and somehow imperceptibly, everything that had so distinguished her from the entire gymnasium in the last two years came to her - grace, elegance, dexterity, the clear sparkle of her eyes... No one danced like that at balls, like Olya Meshcherskaya, no one skated like she did, no one was courted at balls as much as she was, and for some reason no one was loved as much junior classes like her. Imperceptibly she became a girl, and her high school fame was imperceptibly strengthened, and rumors were already spreading that she was flighty, could not live without admirers, that the school student Shenshin was madly in love with her, that she supposedly loved him too, but was so changeable in her treatment of him that he attempted suicide.
During her last winter, Olya Meshcherskaya went completely crazy with fun, as they said in the gymnasium. The winter was snowy, sunny, frosty, the sun set early behind the tall spruce forest of the snowy gymnasium garden, invariably fine, radiant, promising frost and sun for tomorrow, a walk on Sobornaya Street, an ice skating rink in the city garden, a pink evening, music and this in all directions the crowd gliding on the skating rink, in which Olya Meshcherskaya seemed the most carefree, the happiest. And then one day, during a big break, when she was rushing around the assembly hall like a whirlwind from the first-graders chasing her and squealing blissfully, she was unexpectedly called to the boss. She stopped running, took only one deep breath, straightened her hair with a quick and already familiar feminine movement, pulled the corners of her apron to her shoulders and, her eyes shining, ran upstairs. The boss, young-looking but gray-haired, sat calmly with knitting in her hands at her desk, under the royal portrait.
“Hello, Mademoiselle Meshcherskaya,” she said in French, without raising her eyes from her knitting. “Unfortunately, this is not the first time I have been forced to call you here to talk to you about your behavior.”
“I’m listening, madame,” Meshcherskaya answered, approaching the table, looking at her clearly and vividly, but without any expression on her face, and sat down as easily and gracefully as only she could.
You won’t listen to me well, I, unfortunately, am convinced of this,” said the boss and, pulling the thread and spinning a ball on the varnished floor, which Meshcherskaya looked at with curiosity, raised her eyes. “I won’t repeat myself, I won’t say extensively,” she said.
Meshcherskaya really liked this unusually clean and large office, which breathed so well in frosty days the warmth of a shiny Dutch dress and the freshness of lilies of the valley on the desk. She looked at the young king, depicted in full height in the middle of some brilliant hall, at the even parting in the milky, neatly crimped hair of the boss and was silent expectantly.
“You’re not a girl anymore,” the boss said meaningfully, secretly starting to get irritated.
Yes, madame,” Meshcherskaya answered simply, almost cheerfully.
But she’s not a woman either,” the boss said even more meaningfully, and her matte face turned slightly red. “First of all, what kind of hairstyle is this?” This is a women's hairstyle!
It's not my fault, madame, that I have good hair“,” Meshcherskaya answered and slightly touched her beautifully decorated head with both hands.
Oh, that's it, it's not your fault! - said the boss. “It’s not your fault for your hairstyle, it’s not your fault for these expensive combs, it’s not your fault that you’re ruining your parents for shoes that cost twenty rubles!” But, I repeat to you, you completely lose sight of the fact that you are still only a high school student...
And then Meshcherskaya, without losing her simplicity and calmness, suddenly politely interrupted her:
Sorry, madame, you are mistaken: I am a woman. And you know who is to blame for this? Dad's friend and neighbor, and your brother Alexey Mikhailovich Malyutin. It happened last summer in the village...
And a month after this conversation, a Cossack officer, ugly and plebeian in appearance, who had absolutely nothing in common with the circle to which Olya Meshcherskaya belonged, shot her on the station platform, among a large crowd of people who had just arrived by train. And the incredible confession of Olya Meshcherskaya, which stunned the boss, was completely confirmed: the officer told the judicial investigator that Meshcherskaya had lured him, was close to him, vowed to be his wife, and at the station, on the day of the murder, accompanying him to Novocherkassk, she suddenly told him that she and never thought to love him, that all this talk about marriage was just her mockery of him, and she gave him that page of the diary that talked about Malyutin to read.
“I ran through these lines and right there, on the platform where she was walking, waiting for me to finish reading, I shot at her,” said the officer. “This diary, here it is, look what was written in it on the tenth of July last year.” The following was written in the diary: “It’s now two o’clock in the morning. I fell asleep soundly, but woke up immediately... Today I have become a woman! Dad, mom and Tolya all left for the city, I was left alone. I was so happy that I was alone In the morning I walked in the garden, in the field, was in the forest, it seemed to me that I was alone in the whole world, and I thought it was as good as ever in my life. I had lunch alone, then played for a whole hour, listening to music. I had a feeling that I would live forever and be as happy as anyone. Then I fell asleep in my dad’s office, and at four o’clock Katya woke me up and said that Alexey Mikhailovich had arrived. I was very happy with him, I was so pleased to receive him. He arrived in a couple of his Vyatkas, very beautiful, and they stood at the porch all the time, he stayed because it was raining, and he wanted it to dry out by the evening. He regretted that he did not find dad, he was very animated. and behaved like a gentleman with me, joked a lot that he had been in love with me for a long time. When we walked around the garden before tea, the weather was again lovely, the sun shone through the entire wet garden, although it had become completely cold, and he led me by the arm and spoke. that he is Faust with Margarita. He is fifty-six years old, but he is still very handsome and always well dressed - the only thing I didn’t like was that he arrived in a lionfish - he smells of English cologne, and his eyes are very young, black, and his beard is elegantly divided into two long parts and completely silver Over tea we sat on the glass veranda, I felt as if unwell and lay down on the ottoman, and he smoked, then moved to me, began again to say some pleasantries, then examined and kissed my hand. I covered my face with a silk scarf, and he kissed me on the lips through the scarf several times... I don’t understand how this could happen, I’m crazy, I never thought I was like this! Now I have only one way out... I feel such disgust for him that I can’t get over it!..”
This story allows us to conclude that it belongs to the short story genre. The author managed to convey in a short form the life story of high school student Olya Meshcherskaya, but not only her. According to the definition of the genre, a short story in a unique, small, specific event must recreate the entire life of the hero, and through it, the life of society. Ivan Alekseevich, through modernism, creates a unique image of a girl who is still only dreaming of true love.
Not only Bunin wrote about this feeling (“Easy Breathing”). The analysis of love was carried out, perhaps, by all the great poets and writers, very different in character and worldview, therefore, many shades of this feeling are presented in Russian literature. When we open a work by another author, we always find something new. Bunin also has his own. In his works there are often tragic endings, ending with the death of one of the heroes, but it is more light than deeply tragic. We are faced with a similar ending after finishing reading “Easy Breathing”.
First impression
At first glance, the events seem messy. The girl plays at love with an ugly officer, far from the circle to which the heroine belonged. In the story, the author uses the so-called “retroactive proof” technique, since even with such vulgar external events love remains something untouched and bright, does not touch everyday dirt. Arriving at Olya’s grave, class teacher asks herself how to combine all this with a pure look at “that terrible thing” that is now associated with the name of the schoolgirl. This question does not require an answer, which is present in the entire text of the work. They permeate Bunin's story "Easy Breathing".
The character of the main character
Olya Meshcherskaya seems to be the embodiment of youth, thirsty for love, a lively and dreamy heroine. Her image, contrary to the laws of public morality, captivates almost everyone, even the younger classes. And even the guardian of morals, teacher Olya, who condemned her for growing up early, after the death of the heroine, comes to the cemetery to her grave every week, constantly thinks about her and at the same time even feels, “like all people devoted to a dream,” happy.
Character trait main character The story is that she longs for happiness and can find it even in such an ugly reality in which she had to find herself. Bunin uses “light breathing” as a metaphor for naturalness, vital energy. the so-called “ease of breathing” is invariably present in Olya, surrounding her with a special halo. People feel this and therefore are drawn to the girl, without even being able to explain why. She infects everyone with her joy.
Contrasts
Bunin's work "Easy Breathing" is built on contrasts. From the very first lines, a double feeling arises: a deserted, sad cemetery, a cold wind, a gray April day. And against this background - a portrait of a high school student with lively, joyful eyes - a photograph on the cross. Olya's whole life is also built on contrast. Cloudless childhood is contrasted with the tragic events that occurred in last year life of the heroine of the story "Easy Breathing". Ivan Bunin often emphasizes the contrast, the gap between the real and the apparent, the internal state and the external world.
Story plot
The plot of the work is quite simple. The happy young schoolgirl Olya Meshcherskaya first becomes the prey of her father's friend, an elderly sensualist, and then a living target for the aforementioned officer. Her death prompts a cool lady - a lonely woman - to “serve” her memory. However, the apparent simplicity of this plot is violated by a bright contrast: a heavy cross and lively, joyful eyes, which involuntarily makes the reader’s heart clench. The simplicity of the plot turned out to be deceptive, since the story “Easy Breathing” (Ivan Bunin) is not only about the fate of a girl, but also about the unfortunate lot of a classy lady who is used to living someone else’s life. Olya’s relationship with the officer is also interesting.
Relationship with the officer
In the plot of the story, the already mentioned officer kills Olya Meshcherskaya, involuntarily misled by her game. He did this because he was close to her, believed that she loved him, and could not survive the destruction of this illusion. Not every person can evoke such strong passion. This speaks of Olya’s bright personality, says Bunin (“Easy Breathing”). The act of the main character was cruel, but she, as you might guess, having a special character, stupefied the officer unintentionally. Olya Meshcherskaya was looking for a dream in her relationship with him, but she failed to find it.
Is Olya to blame?
Ivan Alekseevich believed that birth is not the beginning, and therefore death is not the end of the existence of the soul, the symbol of which is the definition used by Bunin - “light breathing.” Analysis of it in the text of the work allows us to conclude that this concept is souls. It does not disappear without a trace after death, but returns to its source. The work “Easy Breathing” is about this, and not just about Olya’s fate.
It is no coincidence that Ivan Bunin delays explaining the reasons for the heroine’s death. The question arises: “Maybe she is to blame for what happened?” After all, she is frivolous, flirts either with the high school student Shenshin, or, albeit unconsciously, with her father’s friend Alexei Mikhailovich Malyutin, who seduced her, then for some reason promises the officer to marry him. Why did she need all this? Bunin (“Easy Breathing”) analyzes the motives of the heroine’s actions. It gradually becomes clear that Olya is as beautiful as the elements. And just as immoral. She strives in everything to reach the depth, to the limit, to the innermost essence, and the opinion of others does not interest the heroine of the work “Easy Breathing”. Ivan Bunin wanted to tell us that in the actions of the schoolgirl there is no feeling of revenge, no meaningful vice, no firmness of decision, no pain of repentance. It turns out that the feeling of fullness of life can be destructive. Even the unconscious longing for her is tragic (like that of a classy lady). Therefore, every step, every detail of Olya’s life threatens disaster: pranks and curiosity can lead to serious consequences, to violence, and frivolous play with the feelings of other people can lead to murder. To such philosophical thought Bunin lets us down.
"Easy breath" of life
The essence of the heroine is that she lives, and not just plays a role in a play. This is also her fault. To be alive without following the rules of the game means to be doomed. The environment in which Meshcherskaya exists is completely devoid of a holistic, organic sense of beauty. Life here is subject to strict rules, violation of which leads to inevitable retribution. Therefore, Olya’s fate turns out to be tragic. Her death is natural, Bunin believes. “Light Breath,” however, did not die with the heroine, but dissolved in the air, filling it with itself. In the finale, the idea of the immortality of the soul sounds like this.
I. Bunin “Easy Breathing” - plot and analysis
The story “Easy Breathing” is rightfully considered one of Ivan Bunin’s outstanding works. This short story tells about a beautiful young girl and her tragic fate.
The composition of the work is unusual and original. The author's intention is conveyed by violating traditional chronological framework narratives. The text also uses techniques of contrast and antithesis. From the first words, a gloomy and sad picture of the cemetery opens before the reader. “...the monuments of the spacious county cemetery are still visible far away through the bare trees, and the cold wind rings the porcelain wreath at the foot of the cross.” And right there, in contrast with the cemetery landscape, “a photographic portrait of a high school student with joyful, amazingly lively eyes.” Life and death, joy and sadness - all this seems to be a symbol of the fate of the main character of the story.
Next, the author introduces us to the heroine, Olya Meshcherskaya. He describes in sufficient detail her appearance, the extraordinary natural ease with which Olya turns from a girl into a beautiful girl. “Without any of her worries or efforts, and somehow imperceptibly, everything that so distinguished her in the last two years from the rest of the gymnasium came to her - grace, elegance, dexterity, the clear sparkle of her eyes.” The author puts her liveliness and naturalness in contrast with the gray and conventional world. Everyone admires Olya’s beauty and charm, her students like her, and she has many fans. At the same time, everyone considers the girl flighty, many envy her. There were rumors about her that she could not live without fans, but at the same time she treated them very cruelly. The headmistress of the gymnasium made a remark to Olya about her behavior and appearance, accused her of behaving like adult woman, not a student. To which Olya openly stated that she had already become a woman.
The author presents an excerpt from the girl’s diary, which tells how her parents’ friend Malyutin, a man many years older, seduced her. Olya's easy approach to life and carefree attitude led her to a dead end. She didn’t immediately realize what she was losing. Only later, realizing the horror of the situation, did she feel fear, shame and disappointment. “I don’t understand how this could happen, I’m crazy, I never thought I was like this! Now I have only one way out... I feel such disgust for him that I can’t get over it!..”
Olga's life ends tragically. Malyutin shot Olga at the station. He explained this by saying that he was in a state of passion, because she showed him her diary with a description of the events and her attitude to the situation. The author does not give his explanations for Malyutin’s action. Perhaps he simply could not forgive her for her hurt pride.
At the end of the story we again find ourselves in the cemetery. The cool lady Olya Meshcherskaya comes to visit her grave every holiday. This woman lives in a fictional world in which Olya has become for her the ideal of femininity, beauty and at the same time tragedy.
What made Olya Meshcherskaya stand out from the gray everyday world? She radiated cheerfulness and good spirits, courage and happiness. She lived for today and enjoyed every minute of her life. “...But the main thing is, you know what? Easy breathing! But I have it,” listen to how I sigh, “I really do?” - Olya said to her friend. The tragedy of Olya’s fate is that while living an easy and carefree life, she forgot about the cruel reality of society, which broke all her dreams.
In the cemetery, above a fresh clay mound, there is a new cross made of oak, strong, heavy, smooth.
April, gray days; The monuments of the spacious, provincial cemetery are still visible far away through the bare trees, and the cold wind rings and rings like a porcelain wreath at the foot of the cross.
A rather large, convex porcelain medallion is embedded in the cross itself, and in the medallion is a photographic portrait of a schoolgirl with joyful, amazingly lively eyes.
This is Olya Meshcherskaya.
As a girl, she did not stand out in any way in the crowd of brown school dresses: what could be said about her, except that she was one of the pretty, rich and happy girls, that she was capable, but playful and very careless about the instructions that the classy lady gave her ? Then she began to blossom and develop by leaps and bounds. At the age of fourteen, with a thin waist and slender legs, her breasts and all those forms, the charm of which had never yet been expressed in human words, were already clearly outlined; at fifteen she was already considered a beauty. How carefully some of her friends combed their hair, how clean they were, how careful they were about their restrained movements! But she was not afraid of anything - not ink stains on her fingers, not a flushed face, not disheveled hair, not a knee that became bare when falling while running. Without any of her worries or efforts and somehow imperceptibly, everything that distinguished her from the entire gymnasium in the last two years came to her - grace, elegance, dexterity, the clear sparkle of her eyes... No one danced at balls like Olya Meshcherskaya , no one ran on skates like she did, no one was looked after at balls as much as she was, and for some reason no one was loved as much by the junior classes as she was. She imperceptibly became a girl, and her high school fame was imperceptibly strengthened, and rumors were already spreading that she was flighty, could not live without admirers, that the school student Shenshin was madly in love with her, that she supposedly loved him too, but was so changeable in her treatment of him that he attempted suicide.
During her last winter, Olya Meshcherskaya went completely crazy with fun, as they said in the gymnasium. The winter was snowy, sunny, frosty, the sun set early behind the tall spruce forest of the snowy gymnasium garden, invariably fine, radiant, promising frost and sun for tomorrow, a walk on Sobornaya Street, an ice skating rink in the city garden, a pink evening, music and this in all directions the crowd gliding on the skating rink, in which Olya Meshcherskaya seemed the most carefree, the happiest. And then one day, during a big break, when she was rushing around the assembly hall like a whirlwind from the first-graders chasing her and squealing blissfully, she was unexpectedly called to the boss. She stopped running, took only one deep breath, straightened her hair with a quick and already familiar feminine movement, pulled the corners of her apron to her shoulders and, her eyes shining, ran upstairs. The boss, young-looking but gray-haired, sat calmly with knitting in her hands at her desk, under the royal portrait.
“Hello, mademoiselle Meshcherskaya,” she said in French, without raising her eyes from her knitting. “Unfortunately, this is not the first time I have been forced to call you here to talk to you about your behavior.”
“I’m listening, madame,” Meshcherskaya answered, approaching the table, looking at her clearly and vividly, but without any expression on her face, and sat down as easily and gracefully as only she could.
“You won’t listen to me well, I, unfortunately, am convinced of this,” said the boss and, pulling the thread and spinning a ball on the varnished floor, which Meshcherskaya looked at with curiosity, raised her eyes. “I won’t repeat myself, I won’t speak at length,” she said.
Meshcherskaya really liked this unusually clean and large office, which on frosty days breathed so well with the warmth of a shiny Dutch dress and the freshness of lilies of the valley on the desk. She looked at the young king, depicted in full height in the middle of some brilliant hall, at the even parting in the milky, neatly crimped hair of the boss and was silent expectantly.
“You’re not a girl anymore,” the boss said meaningfully, secretly starting to get irritated.
“Yes, madame,” Meshcherskaya answered simply, almost cheerfully.
“But not a woman either,” the boss said even more meaningfully, and her matte face turned slightly red. - First of all, what kind of hairstyle is this? This is a women's hairstyle!
“It’s not my fault, madame, that I have good hair,” Meshcherskaya answered and slightly touched her beautifully decorated head with both hands.
- Oh, that’s it, it’s not your fault! - said the boss. - It’s not your fault for your hairstyle, it’s not your fault for these expensive combs, it’s not your fault that you’re ruining your parents for shoes that cost twenty rubles! But, I repeat to you, you completely lose sight of the fact that you are still only a high school student...
And then Meshcherskaya, without losing her simplicity and calmness, suddenly politely interrupted her:
Sorry, madame, you are mistaken: I am a woman. And you know who is to blame for this? Dad's friend and neighbor, and your brother Alexey Mikhailovich Malyutin. This happened last summer in the village...
And a month after this conversation, a Cossack officer, ugly and plebeian in appearance, who had absolutely nothing in common with the circle to which Olya Meshcherskaya belonged, shot her on the station platform, among a large crowd of people who had just arrived by train. And the incredible confession of Olya Meshcherskaya, which stunned the boss, was completely confirmed: the officer told the judicial investigator that Meshcherskaya had lured him, was close to him, vowed to be his wife, and at the station, on the day of the murder, accompanying him to Novocherkassk, she suddenly told him that she and never thought to love him, that all this talk about marriage was just her mockery of him, and she gave him to read that page of the diary that talked about Malyutin.
“I ran through these lines and right there, on the platform where she was walking, waiting for me to finish reading, I shot at her,” said the officer. - This diary, here it is, look what was written in it on the tenth of July last year. The diary wrote the following: “It’s two o’clock in the morning. I fell fast asleep, but immediately woke up... Today I have become a woman! Dad, mom and Tolya all left for the city, I was left alone. I was so happy to be alone! In the morning I walked in the garden, in the field, was in the forest, it seemed to me that I was alone in the whole world, and I thought as well as never in my life. I had lunch alone, then played for a whole hour, listening to the music I had the feeling that I would live endlessly and be as happy as anyone. Then I fell asleep in my dad’s office, and at four o’clock Katya woke me up and said that Alexei Mikhailovich had arrived. I was very happy about him, I was so pleased to accept him and keep him busy. He arrived in a pair of his Vyatkas, very beautiful, and they stood at the porch all the time; he stayed because it was raining and he wanted it to dry out by the evening. He regretted that he didn’t find dad, he was very animated and behaved like a gentleman with me, he joked a lot that he had been in love with me for a long time. When we walked around the garden before tea, the weather was again lovely, the sun shone through the entire wet garden, although it had become completely cold, and he led me by the arm and said that he was Faust with Margarita. He is fifty-six years old, but he is still very handsome and always well dressed - the only thing I didn’t like was that he arrived in a lionfish - he smells of English cologne, and his eyes are very young, black, and his beard is gracefully divided into two long parts and completely silver. Over tea we sat on the glass veranda, I felt as if unwell and lay down on the ottoman, and he smoked, then moved to me, began again to say some pleasantries, then examined and kissed my hand. I covered my face with a silk scarf, and he kissed me on the lips through the scarf several times... I don’t understand how this could happen, I’m crazy, I never thought I was like this! Now I have only one way out... I feel such disgust for him that I can’t get over it!..”
City for these April days it became clean, dry, its stones turned white, and it was easy and pleasant to walk on them. Every Sunday, after mass, a small woman in mourning, wearing black kid gloves and carrying an ebony umbrella, walks along Cathedral Street, leading to the exit from the city. She crosses a dirty square along the highway, where there are many smoky forges and the fresh air of the field blows; further, between the monastery and the fort, the cloudy slope of the sky turns white and the spring field turns gray, and then, when you make your way among the puddles under the wall of the monastery and turn left, you will see what looks like a large low garden, surrounded by a white fence, above the gate of which is written the Assumption mother of god. The little woman makes the sign of the cross and walks habitually along the main alley. Having reached the bench opposite the oak cross, she sits in the wind and in the spring cold for an hour or two, until her feet in light boots and her hand in a narrow kid are completely cold. Listening to the spring birds singing sweetly even in the cold, listening to the sound of the wind in a porcelain wreath, she sometimes thinks that she would give half her life if only this dead wreath would not be before her eyes. This wreath, this mound, the oak cross! Is it possible that under him is the one whose eyes shine so immortally from this convex porcelain medallion on the cross, and how can we combine with this pure gaze the terrible thing that is now associated with the name of Olya Meshcherskaya? “But deep down in her soul, the little woman is happy, like all people devoted to some passionate dream.
This woman is the cool lady Olya Meshcherskaya, a middle-aged girl who has long lived in some kind of fiction that replaces her real life. At first, her brother, a poor and unremarkable ensign, was such an invention - she united her whole soul with him, with his future, which for some reason seemed brilliant to her. When he was killed near Mukden, she convinced herself that she was an ideological worker. The death of Olya Meshcherskaya captivated her with a new dream. Now Olya Meshcherskaya is the subject of her persistent thoughts and feelings. She goes to her grave every holiday, does not take her eyes off the oak cross for hours, remembers the pale face of Olya Meshcherskaya in the coffin, among the flowers - and what she once overheard: one day, during a long break, walking through the gymnasium garden, Olya Meshcherskaya quickly, quickly said to her beloved friend, plump, tall Subbotina:
I'm in one of my dad's books - he has a lot of old funny books, - I read what kind of beauty a woman should have... There, you understand, there is so much said that you can’t remember everything: well, of course, black eyes boiling with resin - by God, that’s what it says: boiling with resin! - eyelashes black as night, a gentle blush, a thin figure, longer than an ordinary arm - you know, longer than usual! - small leg, in moderation big breasts, correctly rounded calf, shell-colored knees, sloping shoulders - I almost learned a lot by heart, it’s all so true! - but most importantly, you know what? - Easy breathing! But I have it, - listen to how I sigh, - I really do, don’t I?
Now this light breath has again dissipated in the world, in this cloudy sky, in this cold spring wind.
The story was suggested by our reader,
Alena
In the cemetery, above a fresh clay mound, there is a new cross made of oak, strong, heavy, smooth.
April, gray days; The monuments of the spacious, provincial cemetery are still visible far away through the bare trees, and the cold wind rings and rings like a porcelain wreath at the foot of the cross.
A rather large, convex porcelain medallion is embedded in the cross itself, and in the medallion is a photographic portrait of a schoolgirl with joyful, amazingly lively eyes.
This is Olya Meshcherskaya.
As a girl, she did not stand out in any way in the crowd of brown school dresses: what could be said about her, except that she was one of the pretty, rich and happy girls, that she was capable, but playful and very careless about the instructions that the classy lady gave her ? Then she began to blossom and develop by leaps and bounds. At the age of fourteen, with a thin waist and slender legs, her breasts and all those forms, the charm of which had never yet been expressed in human words, were already clearly outlined; at fifteen she was already considered a beauty. How carefully some of her friends combed their hair, how clean they were, how careful they were about their restrained movements! But she was not afraid of anything - not ink stains on her fingers, not a flushed face, not disheveled hair, not a knee that became bare when falling while running. Without any of her worries or efforts and somehow imperceptibly, everything that distinguished her from the entire gymnasium in the last two years came to her - grace, elegance, dexterity, the clear sparkle of her eyes... No one danced at balls like Olya Meshcherskaya , no one ran on skates like she did, no one was looked after at balls as much as she was, and for some reason no one was loved as much by the junior classes as she was. Imperceptibly she became a girl, and her high school fame was imperceptibly strengthened, and rumors were already spreading that she was flighty, could not live without admirers, that the school student Shenshin was madly in love with her, that she supposedly loved him too, but was so changeable in her treatment of him that he attempted suicide.
During her last winter, Olya Meshcherskaya went completely crazy with fun, as they said in the gymnasium. The winter was snowy, sunny, frosty, the sun set early behind the tall spruce forest of the snowy gymnasium garden, invariably fine, radiant, promising frost and sun for tomorrow, a walk on Sobornaya Street, an ice skating rink in the city garden, a pink evening, music and this in all directions the crowd gliding on the skating rink, in which Olya Meshcherskaya seemed the most carefree, the happiest. And then one day, during a big break, when she was rushing around the assembly hall like a whirlwind from the first-graders chasing her and squealing blissfully, she was unexpectedly called to the boss. She stopped running, took only one deep breath, straightened her hair with a quick and already familiar feminine movement, pulled the corners of her apron to her shoulders and, her eyes shining, ran upstairs. The boss, young-looking but gray-haired, sat calmly with knitting in her hands at her desk, under the royal portrait.
“Hello, mademoiselle Meshcherskaya,” she said in French, without raising her eyes from her knitting. “Unfortunately, this is not the first time I have been forced to call you here to talk to you about your behavior.”
“I’m listening, madame,” Meshcherskaya answered, approaching the table, looking at her clearly and vividly, but without any expression on her face, and sat down as easily and gracefully as only she could.
You won’t listen to me well, I, unfortunately, am convinced of this,” the boss said and, pulling the thread and spinning a ball on the varnished floor, which Meshcherskaya looked at with curiosity, she raised her eyes. “I won’t repeat myself, I won’t speak at length,” she said.
Meshcherskaya really liked this unusually clean and large office, which on frosty days breathed so well with the warmth of a shiny Dutch dress and the freshness of lilies of the valley on the desk. She looked at the young king, depicted in full height in the middle of some brilliant hall, at the even parting in the milky, neatly crimped hair of the boss and was silent expectantly.
“You’re not a girl anymore,” the boss said meaningfully, secretly starting to get irritated.
Yes, madame,” Meshcherskaya answered simply, almost cheerfully.
But she’s not a woman either,” the boss said even more meaningfully, and her matte face turned slightly red. - First of all, what kind of hairstyle is this? This is a woman's hairstyle!
It’s not my fault, madame, that I have good hair,” Meshcherskaya answered and slightly touched her beautifully decorated head with both hands.
Oh, that's it, it's not your fault! - said the boss. - It’s not your fault for your hairstyle, it’s not your fault for these expensive combs, it’s not your fault that you’re ruining your parents for shoes that cost twenty rubles! But, I repeat to you, you completely lose sight of the fact that you are still only a high school student...
And then Meshcherskaya, without losing her simplicity and calmness, suddenly politely interrupted her:
Sorry, madame, you are mistaken: I am a woman. And you know who is to blame for this? Dad's friend and neighbor, and your brother Alexey Mikhailovich Malyutin. This happened last summer in the village...
And a month after this conversation, a Cossack officer, ugly and plebeian in appearance, who had absolutely nothing in common with the circle to which Olya Meshcherskaya belonged, shot her on the station platform, among a large crowd of people who had just arrived by train. And the incredible confession of Olya Meshcherskaya, which stunned the boss, was completely confirmed: the officer told the judicial investigator that Meshcherskaya had lured him, was close to him, vowed to be his wife, and at the station, on the day of the murder, accompanying him to Novocherkassk, she suddenly told him that she and never thought to love him, that all this talk about marriage was just her mockery of him, and she gave him to read that page of the diary that talked about Malyutin.
“I ran through these lines and right there, on the platform where she was walking, waiting for me to finish reading, I shot at her,” the officer said. - This diary, here it is, look what was written in it on the tenth of July last year. The diary wrote the following: “It’s two o’clock in the morning. I fell fast asleep, but immediately woke up... Today I have become a woman! Dad, mom and Tolya all left for the city, I was left alone. I was so happy to be alone! In the morning I walked in the garden, in the field, was in the forest, it seemed to me that I was alone in the whole world, and I thought as well as never in my life. I had lunch alone, then played for a whole hour, listening to the music I had the feeling that I would live endlessly and be as happy as anyone. Then I fell asleep in my dad’s office, and at four o’clock Katya woke me up and said that Alexei Mikhailovich had arrived. I was very happy about him, I was so pleased to accept him and keep him busy. He arrived in a pair of his Vyatkas, very beautiful, and they stood at the porch all the time; he stayed because it was raining and he wanted it to dry out by the evening. He regretted that he didn’t find dad, he was very animated and behaved like a gentleman with me, he joked a lot that he had been in love with me for a long time. When we walked around the garden before tea, the weather was again lovely, the sun shone through the entire wet garden, although it had become completely cold, and he led me by the arm and said that he was Faust with Margarita. He is fifty-six years old, but he is still very handsome and always well dressed - the only thing I didn’t like was that he arrived in a lionfish - he smells of English cologne, and his eyes are very young, black, and his beard is gracefully divided into two long parts and completely silver. Over tea we sat on the glass veranda, I felt as if unwell and lay down on the ottoman, and he smoked, then moved to me, began again to say some pleasantries, then examined and kissed my hand. I covered my face with a silk scarf, and he kissed me on the lips through the scarf several times... I don’t understand how this could happen, I’m crazy, I never thought I was like this! Now I have only one way out... I feel such disgust for him that I can’t get over it!..."
During these April days, the city became clean, dry, its stones turned white, and it was easy and pleasant to walk along them. Every Sunday, after mass, a small woman in mourning, wearing black kid gloves and carrying an ebony umbrella, walks along Cathedral Street, leading to the exit from the city. She crosses a dirty square along the highway, where there are many smoky forges and fresh field air blows; further, between the monastery and the fort, the cloudy slope of the sky turns white and the spring field turns grey, and then, when you make your way among the puddles under the wall of the monastery and turn left, you will see what appears to be a large low garden, surrounded by a white fence, above the gate of which is written the Dormition of the Mother of God. The little woman makes the sign of the cross and walks habitually along the main alley. Having reached the bench opposite the oak cross, she sits in the wind and in the spring cold for an hour or two, until her feet in light boots and her hand in a narrow kid are completely cold. Listening to the spring birds singing sweetly even in the cold, listening to the sound of the wind in a porcelain wreath, she sometimes thinks that she would give half her life if only this dead wreath would not be before her eyes. This wreath, this mound, the oak cross! Is it possible that under him is the one whose eyes shine so immortally from this convex porcelain medallion on the cross, and how can we combine with this pure gaze the terrible thing that is now associated with the name of Olya Meshcherskaya? “But deep down in her soul, the little woman is happy, like all people devoted to some passionate dream.
This woman is the cool lady Olya Meshcherskaya, a middle-aged girl who has long lived in some kind of fiction that replaces her real life. At first, her brother, a poor and unremarkable ensign, was such an invention - she united her whole soul with him, with his future, which for some reason seemed brilliant to her. When he was killed near Mukden, she convinced herself that she was an ideological worker. The death of Olya Meshcherskaya captivated her with a new dream. Now Olya Meshcherskaya is the subject of her persistent thoughts and feelings. She goes to her grave every holiday, does not take her eyes off the oak cross for hours, remembers the pale face of Olya Meshcherskaya in the coffin, among the flowers - and what she once overheard: one day, during a long break, walking through the gymnasium garden, Olya Meshcherskaya quickly, quickly said to her beloved friend, plump, tall Subbotina:
I read in one of my dad’s books - he has a lot of old funny books - what kind of beauty a woman should have... There, you know, there are so many sayings that you can’t remember everything: well, of course, black eyes boiling with resin - by God , as it is written: boiling with resin! - eyelashes as black as night, a gentle blush, a thin figure, longer than an ordinary arm - you know, longer than usual! - a small leg, a moderately large chest, a properly rounded calf, shell-colored knees, sloping shoulders - I almost learned a lot by heart, so it’s all true! - but most importantly, you know what? - Easy breathing! But I have it, - listen to how I sigh, - I really do, don’t I?
Now this light breath has again dissipated in the world, in this cloudy sky, in this cold spring wind.