There are many paths in life, but the longest of them is the path to the heart of another person. And if you resist this path and go off it, you will only waste time trying to find it again later.
Such a person wants to love and be loved in order to feel like a complete and harmonious person.
This can cause him to become an obsessive and jealous lover, feeling as if he is desperate for his partner.
Mania manifests itself especially clearly when the object of love does not reciprocate or his reciprocal feelings are unequal.
6. Pragma or lasting love
Pragma is love that has been tested by time, but continues to mature and develop.
It went beyond physical attraction, transcended spontaneity, and over time developed into a unique harmony.
You can find Pragma among married couples who are already together for many years, or among friends whose friendships have stood the test over decades.
Unfortunately, Pragma does not appear like magic. We spend so much time and energy trying, but so little time learning how to maintain relationships.
Unlike other types of love, Pragma is the result of effort on both sides.
This is love between people who have learned to compromise, to be patient, to push the relationship towards constant development.
7. Philaty or self-love
The Greeks understood that in order to love others, a person must first.
This type of self-love is not unhealthy vanity and arrogance that is focused on one's ego and narcissism.
Philaty is self-love in a healthy form. As Aristotle said: “All friendly feelings towards others are the development of a person’s attitude towards himself.”
The only way to truly be happy is to find unconditional love for yourself.
8. Agape or unconditional love
The highest and most perfect type of love is Agape, in other words, selfless and unconditional love.
Agape is not the sentimental outpouring that is often perceived as love in our society.
Agape also has nothing to do with the sexually driven kind of love often found in our sex-obsessed culture.
Agape is what some call spiritual love. It is unconditional love, greater than ourselves, boundless compassion, endless empathy.
Buddhists have a corresponding concept - “metta”, i.e. universal loving kindness. It is the purest form of love, free from desires and expectations, existing regardless of the strengths and weaknesses of others.
Types of love. Three-Part Theory of Love
According to this theory, developed by American psychologist Robert Sternberg, there are three components of love:
- Passion– love and sexual attraction.
- Proximity– a deep feeling of affection and unity.
- Liabilities– willingness to maintain and develop relationships.
These three components combine with each other, thereby giving rise to seven different types of love.
| № | Types of love | Passion | Proximity | Liabilities |
| – | Lack of love | |||
| 1 | Sympathy/Friendship | + | ||
| 2 | Love | + | ||
| 3 | Empty love | + | ||
| 4 | romantic love | + | + | |
| 5 | Friendly love | + | + | |
| 6 | Fatal love | + | + | |
| 7 | + | + | + |
1. Like/Friendship
Think of a person to whom you can tell about any positive or negative event that has happened in your life, including your deepest secrets.
Of course you love him. But this love is sympathy or friendship, and does not pretend to be a relationship.
2. Falling in love (infatuation)
Infatuated love may seem strong and overwhelming, but devoid of intimacy and commitment, it does not last.
Very often, falling in love takes priority in your life, because it is caused by a strong craving - sexual attraction.
But you should carefully evaluate how suitable you are for each other, and whether you want to be with this person for a long time.
3. Empty love
This is the love that some of us share with our family and relatives.
In this case, it is difficult for you to imagine a future without another person, but there is no sexual attraction, as well as the exchange of information regarding the details of your personal life.
Unfortunately, many marriages are also sometimes based on empty love.
4. Romantic love
Romantic love makes you feel butterflies in your stomach when you think about the object of your love, but without commitment, this type of love cannot last forever.
The combination of passion and intimacy creates an illusion, but without conscious and active work on a long-term relationship, the feeling that arises will not be able to turn into something more.
5. Friendly love
At some point, a marriage or long-term relationship may develop into companionate love.
This isn't such a bad thing since intimacy and commitment are the strongest of the three components. However, it is important to rekindle the fire and bring the passion back to its rightful place.
Older people who no longer have a strong sex drive are often in search of companionate love.
6. Fatal love
Suddenly on your life path a new absolutely wonderful person appears.
The chemistry of love that has arisen between you absorbs you completely, and you simply cannot keep your hands off each other.
Everything is going great, and you are absolutely convinced that this is the person you have always dreamed of.
This conclusion comes to mind based on a few superficial pieces of information you have: where the object of your passion has traveled, what kind of music he likes, what movies and books he prefers, etc.
And you decide with the utmost seriousness that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person.
But the truth is that without intimacy and sharing personal stories, you can't judge a person objectively because you don't really know them.
Perfect love is born from the union of all three components of love. This is the kind of love most of us strive for.
The ideal situation is when you have great sex, there is intimacy and mutual understanding, and you cannot imagine a future without this person.
Conclusion
We all want perfect love, which would give us strength and fill us with energy.
And we can indeed find it, but, according to many psychologists, the main problem is not in achieving love, but in maintaining it.
What's the point human existence? Maybe looking for love? But what kind of love to look for, as it turns out, there are not so few types of love.
What kind of love is there?
We like to pronounce the word “love” in a languid voice, closing our eyes. But love comes in different forms; this concept is not limited to romance alone. So, what kind of love is there?
A rather interesting classification is proposed by the philosopher Erich Fromm in his essay “The Art of Love”. Types of love in this book are called objects, and the feeling itself is considered as a way of understanding the secrets of man. So, what are the types of love according to Fromm?
- Brotherly love is a feeling based on a feeling of unity with other people. This is love between equals.
- Maternal (parental) love- manifests itself not only in the mother (father) towards the child, this feeling is based on the desire to help a weaker, helpless creature.
- Self-love. Fromm considers it a necessary condition for showing love to another person. The philosopher believes that a person who does not love himself is not capable of loving at all.
- Love for God hailed as the connecting thread human soul. Fromm considers it the basis of all types of love.
- Erotic love– the feelings of two adults towards each other. Such love requires complete merging, unity with your chosen one. The nature of this love is exceptional, therefore such a feeling can coexist in harmony with other types of love, and be an independent desire.
But Fromm is not limited to discussions about these 5 types of love; he considers two more opposite forms of love - creative and destructive. The first enhances the feeling of fullness of life, involves manifestations of care, interest, emotional response and can be directed both at a person and at an object or idea. The second seeks to deprive the loved one of freedom; she, in fact, is a destructive force. But that’s not all, Fromm finds different types manifestations of love, distinguishing between mature feelings and immature forms.
But no matter how many types of love there are, the philosopher considers true only that which is directed at more than one person. If you love only one person and are indifferent to all others, then this can be called symbiosis, but not love.
The concept of love among the ancient Greeks
The question of what kind of love there is has interested humanity since ancient times, for example, in Ancient Greece there was a definition of 5 types of love.
It is difficult to say which love is the strongest, it all depends on what is considered strength. If we mean the intensity of passions, then nothing can compare with Mania and Eros, but such feelings are short-lived. Other species do not generate such a storm of emotions in our soul, but they are able to stay with us for a very long time, sometimes throughout our lives.
As children, we were often asked: “Do you love your mother? And dad? Who is stronger? What about your sister and brother? At school they forced us to love our homeland and tried to instill a sense of pride and joy in the fact that we live in such a great country. As we grew up, we began to experience erotic feelings for opposite sex, calling this attraction love. And here a contradiction arises, because we love our mother not as much as we love our homeland, why is all this called love, does this mean that our heart experiences the same emotions in all of the above cases? Let's try to figure out what it means and what it can be.
Self love
Before answering the question of whether we love our family and friends, let’s try to understand ourselves. IN modern society There is an opinion that loving your neighbors is good, but loving yourself is bad, that it is selfishness and narcissism. By the way, the father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, believed the same thing. And he explained it this way. Love is a manifestation of libido, and if your libido is directed towards yourself, this means that you have fallen into childhood and are engaged in narcissism. If your libido is directed towards the world around you, then this is love, and you are an independent, adult person capable of giving warmth to the world. However, Freud's followers think differently, namely: if a person loves himself, it means he is capable of self-improvement, it means he cares about becoming better, smarter, more beautiful, it means that he is in others, as well as in himself, sees interesting personality, endowed unique knowledge and skills. Everyone is given abilities, opportunities, unique natural gifts, and the best we can do is to develop these qualities in ourselves.
Remember the parable? “The king came to the garden and saw withered trees, bushes and grapes in it. The oak withered because it could not be as tall as the pine, the pines died because they could not bear fruit like grapes, and the vineyard withered because it was not as beautiful as a rose. And only pansies bloomed and fragrant. The king asked the cute flowers why they were so beautiful, to which the pansies replied that they could not be tall like a pine tree, or bear fruit like grapes, could not smell fragrant like a lilac, and be as beautiful as a rose, and that’s why they tried to be the best representatives of their species, otherwise there is no point in their existence, because this is precisely why they were created by Mother Nature - to be what we are.”
It’s true, it immediately became clear what ? Therefore, let's try to discover our talents, and not beat our heads against the wall, trying to sing like Zhanna Aguzarova or dance like Maya Plisetskaya. Love yourself for who you are, because this world needs you with all your funny stupidities and funny shortcomings. Do what you love and don’t lie to yourself, trying to jump in over your head, then your talents will be revealed and your life will be full.
Brotherly love
Mother's love
This is perhaps a feeling close to ideal. Mother's love does not require anything in return, it is unconditional and does not need to be achieved. A mother loves her child regardless of his actions and nonsense; a mother is always able to understand and forgive. Any type of love subconsciously requires a response, reciprocal feelings, sometimes we sincerely try to help someone, but if we fail, we hope for the same help. Motherly love does not expect to be repaid in the same coin. She only wants happiness for her child and is ready to make huge sacrifices for this. But also mother's love there are problems. The only negative that can be found in this love is constant patronage; the mother always perceives her child as an unreasonable child. Therefore, the main problem of maternal love is the inability to perceive your child as an adult.
Father's love
A father's love must be earned. She is not as unconditional as her mother's. The role of the father is to raise in the child a strong personality capable of taking responsibility for his own actions. That's why dad always puts complex tasks in front of the child, because, as they say: hard in learning, easy in battle. And if the baby does not follow his father’s instructions, then his dad will not praise him, and this is a manifestation of fatherly love - praise and encouragement. With mom everything is simple - she loves, and there is no need to worry about anything, but with father you must always be on the alert, behave nobly, act according to your conscience and not disgrace his good name.
Erotic love
Most often, such an “invasion” does not lead to long relationship, since the period of passion and romance passes quite quickly. And a superficial acquaintance with another person, which happens through sexual contact, creates only the illusion of unity, and illusions tend to dissipate. Revelation based only on physical intimacy sometimes makes people hate each other after this very intimacy, they become ashamed and embarrassed for their impulses and passion. After all, a person strives for true understanding, to empathy and spiritual closeness, but finds only temporary joy of the body. Therefore, some change sexual partners very often, in search of spiritual intimacy, sympathy, understanding, care - in a word, in search of true love. And as a result, they are content with sex, like a sweet tooth with a sugar substitute, wanting to feel the real taste, but getting only its semblance.
Another misconception of many people is the belief that as soon as I find the partner of my dreams who meets the parameters I have set, then I will love him and we will live happily. It's the same as when an untalented photographer says that he takes bad pictures because the weather is bad, or because the model poses poorly, or she is too thin, but as soon as the right image appears, then the photographs will turn out great! After all, nothing gets in the way of a good dancer, but a real artist sees beautiful images even in bad weather.
Love is a constant process that you need to work on throughout your life.. The feeling of love develops, just like the sense of beauty; in childhood we like colorful pictures, and in adulthood we are able to understand the art of Van Gogh. And every year we are faced with increasingly complex tasks. The deeper we dive into Love, the more vivid emotions we are able to experience, and life then acquires a rich, conscious taste. Love to you - conscious and multifaceted!
Marina Krupenko
Psychologist Robert Sternberg proposes a theory according to which love consists of three essential components: intimacy, passion and commitment.
- Intimacy- this is closeness and mutual support, partnership. It increases as lovers get closer and may not manifest itself in a calm, measured life. However, in a crisis situation, when a couple has to overcome difficulties together, it is clearly expressed.
- Passion- this is a feeling. She reaches highest point at the beginning of a relationship, but stops growing in long-term ones. However, this does not mean that passion is absent in a long marriage - it simply ceases to be an important motivator for the couple.
- Liabilities- willingness to be faithful to another person. This is the only component of love that grows over time in any relationship - both long-term and short-term - and becomes an increasingly significant aspect.
Types of love
Depending on whether these components are present in a relationship, Sternberg identifies seven types of love.
1. Sympathy. Includes only one component - intimacy. There is spiritual closeness, a feeling of tenderness, affection for a person, but there is no passion and devotion.
2. Obsession. There is passion, but there is no intimacy and commitment. As a rule, passion arises very quickly and passes just as quickly. This is the same love at first sight, which can remain a fleeting passion, or can develop into something more.
3. Empty love. There is mutual commitment, but there is no passion and intimacy. This is love of convenience (not monetary, of course), when a person judiciously, after weighing all the pros and cons, decides to remain faithful to his partner. This type of love is typical for married couples who have lived together for a long time and have lost emotional and physical attraction to each other, but...
4. Romantic love. Intimacy and passion are characteristic, but there is no devotion. Relationships are similar to sympathy, but in addition to emotional intimacy, there is physical attraction to the partner. This type of love constantly appears as a plot in literature and cinema (both in the classic play Romeo and Juliet and in popular romance novels).
5. Companionate love. A combination of intimacy and commitment. The passion is no longer there or never was. This love binds relatives, friends or spouses when the passion has passed.
6. Meaningless love. An unusual combination of passion and devotion to a partner, but there is no spiritual closeness with him. Such relationships often turn into a hasty marriage, when the couple decides to get married almost on the second date. However, if intimacy does not increase over time, such a marriage ends.
7. Ideal love. Includes all three components: passion, intimacy, devotion. All couples strive for such a relationship. And it is possible to achieve them, but it is very difficult to maintain them. This kind of love never lasts. This does not mean that the relationship ends in a breakup, it just loses one of the components, and perfect love transforms into another variety, such as friendly or empty.
What is needed for mutual love to arise?
Psychologist Elaine Hatfield, as a result of her research, came to the conclusion that in order for love to arise - mutual, bringing joy and satisfaction, or unrequited, leading to despair, three factors must be present:
1. The timing is right. There must be (ideally, both) a willingness to fall in love with another person.
2. Similarity. It is no secret that people sympathize with those who are similar to themselves, not only externally, but also internally - they have similar interests, hobbies, and attachments.
3. Early attachment style. It depends personal characteristics everyone. A calm, balanced person is more capable of long-term relationships than an impulsive and impetuous one.
Psychologists strive to understand the nature of love, but at present it is unlikely that any of them will be able to answer the question of why and how this feeling appears. But the phenomenon of love certainly needs to be studied. After all, if you understand the patterns of this feeling, then the reasons that can be avoided in the future will also become clear.
Natalya Kaptsova
Reading time: 9 minutes
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Not everyone gets the chance to know true love. And even more so, to carry it, without spilling, through your entire life - hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, through all the difficulties, problems and obstacles. Few people understand that love is not just a fire into which you need to constantly throw wood, but also real, sometimes hard work, day after day.
We won’t go into what love is; everyone has their own definition and understanding. Let's talk about the types of love - what it is like.
Adult love based on mutual trust
Such a feeling presupposes not only absolute trust in each other, but also comprehensive support in any matter
. This is the ideal formula for “adult” happy relationships - there are no unnecessary passions, there are no misunderstandings, a shoulder to lean on is always nearby, in any situation. 
Such relationships are an example for those spouses whose family is built on passion. “Adult” love is time-tested; it has already gone through “fire, water and copper pipes" This is the kind of love most people dream of.
Love-passion
This is the same option when Cupid’s arrow suddenly pierces the area of the heart, all reasonable thoughts are washed away by a wave of all-consuming passion, and the power of feeling is so destructive that even family boats go to the bottom (if married people are suddenly “covered” with love). 
Psychologists do not see any prospects for such relationships. This love is based on physical attraction; sober, sound judgment is not inherent in it; logic and a sense of self-preservation are absent.
Oddly enough, this type of love is the second most common. But, as history, statistics and the experience of many couples show, love-passion extremely rarely ends with a happy ending “they lived happily ever after.” More precisely, almost never.
Hedonistic love
“Hedonism,” characteristic of our time, presupposes living for the sake of pleasure. That is, pleasure is the key motive and goal in a relationship. The joy of new thrills, a fleeting connection, non-binding relationship
for a short period.
Love is a butterfly - it a priori cannot end in a happy future. Even if only one of the partners is a hedonist.
Today, alas, hedonism is in fashion - films are based on it, it is convenient for young people who dream of taking everything from life, it is the basis of such modern direction, How .
"The Master and Margarita"
Love of two romantics – walks under the moon, an endless period of candy and bouquets, gentle touches of hands, poems, a star as a gift and the whole world at each other’s feet in sublime phrases.
This type of love, too, despite the influence of time, still exists. True, not for long. Because rose-colored glasses and dreams of sunsets that will be met until the end of life on the seashore under the rustling of the waves are shattered by everyday life and reality. 
Because it’s incredibly difficult to write poems about love for your other half, who is lying on the sofa with a newspaper while you wear him slippers and cook rabbit fricassee and chocolate cake.
Because you don’t want to hold her hand and whisper romantic absurdities when she’s wearing an old robe, a cucumber mask and worn-out slippers.
Probably still exist somewhere (side by side until coffin board) such sublime Master and Margarita, the poetry of whose feelings cannot be destroyed either by a full trash can, or by lack of work, or by being tired of each other. But where exactly is a mystery, shrouded in darkness.
Sober love without illusions
The complete opposite of the tandem of the Master and Margarita, close to the type "adult" love . Relationships do not arise overnight - consciously and gradually, with contempt for sweet, stupid romance and “fairy tales about Romeo and Juliet.”
The basis of sober love - stability of relations
, to which, as a rule, adults come. 
He and she had time to see people and show themselves, they “walked around”, they were tired of disappointments - they do not want passions, but they want solidity, reliability and confidence in the future.
Most of these couples really live to the death, perceiving love as necessary and good job. But constant work on oneself, bland relationships and lack of love can lead to the fact that one day someone will certainly want passion and romance.
Love is an emotional adventure
For the most part - young people's choice . Although even in adulthood some people suddenly want to be “big and pure love", but not for long.
Shake yourself, shake your life
, experience the fireworks of feelings, dive headlong into crazy love and... return to normal life. 
What are the dangers of such love? Firstly, it can destroy an already established family. Secondly, in rare cases it ends with a happy ending, and thirdly, it seriously changes a person’s personality.
Why? Because a person consciously seeks sensual love, clearly understanding that he does not intend to build a serious foundation for a relationship.
Returning to your familiar world after such an adventure, it will be extremely difficult to remain yourself.
Love under pressure
Such relationships become reality when he and she are forced to be together by the will of society, parents, position and other circumstances .
Can true feeling flare up in such a relationship? Hardly. 
There are two “outcomes”. First: the force of habit calms both over time, respect and trust in each other transfer such love to the category of “sober”.
Second: life turns into a real battle of characters, which continues until “first blood”.
Love-friendship
If this is a relationship between two young people meeting each other for the first time - sooner or later they will end . Someone will want passion and love and leave.
Of course, love-friendship cannot exist for long - either it crumbles like a handful of ashes, or is transformed into another type of love.
Communicating vessels
In such love he and she - continuation of each other . One whole in everything. They feel good everywhere and in any situation.
They understand each other at a glance. She finishes the sentence if he starts. She had only just thought - he had already done it. 
Their personal interests always come after their common ones. And they cannot be without each other even for half a day.
Their energetically powerful union causes envy and gnashing of teeth among others. This true love, the basis of which is eternal love, mutual trust, mutual giving.