From time to time, each of us loses our temper under the influence of current circumstances. There can be a lot of reasons for this. But what to do when not just a stranger to you is angry, but your loved one? How to calm down a boyfriend or husband if he is not just angry, but enraged? This is what we will try to find out now, because we need a calm man, not an angry lion.
How to calm a man down
To calm an angry man, you need certain skills. After all, it is very important to do this correctly, otherwise we risk getting the opposite result and making the situation even worse. There are several little secrets that you need not only to know, but also to be able to put them into practice in a critical situation.
- First secret. If your man is angry, the least you can do is try not to argue or contradict him. If you begin to prove to him that his anger is in vain, groundless and unfair, you will only fuel his bellicose mood and finally bring the situation to the point of no return. Next, all his aggression will be directed at you, putting you on a par with the scoundrel who brought him to such a state. If you were the cause of his anger initially, then you can only dream of reconciliation.
- The second secret, which smoothly follows from the first. Agree with all the arguments that your angry “macho” gives. Even if the question concerns something with which you categorically disagree. Now is not the time to prove that you are right. Do this later, when your loved one is in a relaxed and good-natured state. Now you have no choice but to nod and repeat that he is undoubtedly and undoubtedly right in everything. Just know the limit so that it does not look like a mockery.
- Third secret. Give your angry lion a chance to talk. After all, until the flow of angry words dries up naturally, everything further actions will be useless. And don't stop him under any circumstances. This is not only useless, but also dangerous.
- The fourth secret. Tame yours obsessive desire calm him down at all costs. If your loved one is at odds in earnest, then the best thing you can do is keep quiet or, alternatively, leave him alone for a while. You can spend his time alone doing something nice for him, exactly what he loves. For example, bake him his favorite pie. Or just run to the store for something tasty.
- Fifth secret. After the angry flow has dried up, try to smoothly move your conversation to another topic. Better yet, keep him busy with something. Main task- this is to distract your man’s thoughts from the main irritant. When choosing a topic for conversation, try to make sure that new topic did not intersect in any way with the issue that caused his anger. And remember that you must deftly and skillfully lead him away from the topic, while the irritated brain will try with all its might to bring him back.
So we figured out how to calm down your loved one. This process will require a lot of patience, sensitivity and love for your man. Only by loving can you feel and understand how to behave, what to say at this moment, and where to remain silent.
Nature clearly lays the foundations of interpersonal relationships, in particular, relationships between men and women. Another thing is that sometimes people change gender roles. And now our women are storming Everest and winning car races, and men are walking on the catwalk and babysitting children.
But if we return to natural self-realization, it becomes obvious that men are more susceptible to stress due to failures. This is their task - to be strong and brave, to achieve success, not to be afraid of losses and to get back on their feet after a lost battle. And a woman’s task is to support her loved one, rejoice in his victories and empathize with his defeats.
How to cheer up a man? For this there is prerequisite- you have to love him. Loving woman will intuitively find ways to care, and maybe use one of the ones below.
1. Hug
Tactile contact between people has been lost in our time. various reasons. Some say that it is indecent, others, armed with defensive psychology, consider touching a gross invasion of their personal territory. By and large, it all comes down to the denial of simple bodily needs, to dislike for one’s own body. Therefore, in moments of despair, disappointment and sadness, there is nothing better than showing this very love - the most in an accessible way. Maybe the hugs will be unemotional, but the feeling of being close, loved one nearby will show the man that he is not alone.
You can hug silently, you can hold your hand. A girl, wanting to cheer up her beloved guy, can sit on his lap and hug him tight. A person, feeling such support, will understand that not everything is lost, that there is, for whom and for what to live.
2. “Offer your ears”
Men do not like to talk about problems, existing within the framework of the attitude of “being ashamed to admit failures.” However, a woman may well play the role of a household psychologist. It is important to listen to a man without criticizing or adding fuel to the fire. The one who loves will never harm and will not use the trust of a man for selfish purposes - for example, reminding him in the future about these manifestations of weakness.
It is important for a man to know that a woman will not push him away and will not begin to perceive him as “bad” - weak, cowardly, making mistakes. This is a very delicate moment in any close relationship - the overthrow of the idol from the pedestal. It turns out that the one whom the woman considered a hero is quite ordinary person, far from perfect. And he also needs help sometimes. Trust is the basis of true friendship and sincere love. Trust each other!
3. Give the opportunity to show emotions
This support option follows from the previous one. A man can tell why he is sad, but showing it is very problematic. Especially if he is offended, first of all, at himself. And the expression of emotions, whatever they may be, is one of the main psychological tools for healing trauma.
You can cheer up a man by giving him “permission” to cry. Perhaps, after such a revelation, a woman will understand that her beloved is also a person. And that the ban (associated with the same shame) on male tears is one of the most destructive from the point of view of the socialization of a little boy.
4. Find a solution together
Practical help from a woman should not be “motherly” - this harms male pride and sooner or later will turn the beloved guy into a muslin young lady. If a woman, having found out why her beloved is crying, goes and punishes the offenders herself, or declares “I will do everything, just tell me that I must,” then this, of course, will help, but not for long. The task of an encouraging woman is not to perform feats herself, but to inspire a man to do them. If something happens, she will, of course, back up and film the feat on her phone... but that’s the most she can do. It is best to simply let the man experience an emotional decline, and then, turning on logic - first your own, and then the man's - start building an algorithm that will help solve the problem. An advanced woman can offer brainstorming or a coaching session. The decision must be reasonable, there may be several decisions, and it would be nice for the woman to make sure that the man starts making the first practical steps to bring your plans to life. This is the ideal end to a home psychotherapeutic consultation for your beloved man.
But if a guy relaxed, went soft, and after talking with his girlfriend he went to get drunk with friends, it means that the girl didn’t do something right or did something wrong. An excess of support contributes to running away from reality, in which there is pain and fear, and a lack of support contributes to the search for new ones. fresh solutions with the same goal - to forget and do nothing.
So don’t limit yourself to platitudes like “Don’t worry, be happy!”, but also don’t harbor the illusions of someone who is looking for an ideal world without its shadow side.
Cheering up your loved one is an art of love based on very scientific principles. Caring for each other is the basis of a strong trusting alliance, so show it more often - in reasonable quantities!
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He sits in front of you, so unhappy, so lost. I just want to press him to my chest and say: “Cry, honey, you will immediately feel better.” But you know very well that after this phrase your man will hate you!
Because they, men, are like that: strong, courageous, principled. You can’t easily knock them out of the saddle or lead them astray! Any representative of the stronger sex sees himself this way. And when it happens to him, he is so afraid of falling out of the image of a strong macho that he rejects any pity...
Is pity humiliating?
All men think so. But this is not entirely true, because you and I know this, right? To sympathize and sympathize with your loved one when he is in trouble - what could be more natural for any woman! However, men perceive our lamentations, sobs, and attempts to help as humiliation. Therefore, remember what you should never do if your husband is in trouble:
- You can't cry and lament
- You can’t solve his problems for him (especially behind his back)
- You can’t talk about his troubles to friends and relatives, at least until he allows it.
- You can’t say something like: “I warned you!”
- You cannot give valuable instructions and teach how he should behave.
- You can’t say that he never succeeds in anything, that he is incapable of achieving anything and in general is a loser in life
So why not regret it at all?!
Why - to regret, and even actively. Only taking into account the peculiarities of male psychology and with the understanding that we show compassion not for ourselves, but for another. That is, showing pity should bring relief to your husband, and not additional bonuses for you personally. What bonuses are we talking about? Yes about these:
- Schadenfreude: I was right when I foresaw this outcome!
- Satisfied pride: I was convinced that I was head and shoulders more capable and smarter than him!
- Pleasure: he can’t cope without me!
- Statement: as usual, I will sort everything out myself!
All these bonuses indicate that in a relationship you strive, first of all, to satisfy your own ambitions and drown out own complexes. Agree: a strange way to feel sorry for a person, immediately pointing out his worthlessness!
Listen! It is important for your man to speak out, pour out his negative emotions on someone, talk about his anger and helplessness. Just silently but actively listening, taking in his words and truly empathizing will help your husband cope with stress.
Doesn't he want to say anything? Perhaps he needs to process his problems alone. You shouldn’t ask him why he’s so gloomy: when he matures, he’ll tell you himself. Surround him with unobtrusive care: cook his favorite dish, let him be alone in front of the TV. You yourself know that sometimes loneliness heals better than the most compassionate participation.
Believe in him. It is important for a man to know that even in times of failure, his woman is on his side. Show that you have not lost faith in him. You can say something like: “Yes, the situation is difficult. But I know you can handle it or figure something out.”
Praise. Has your man completely lost faith in his abilities? This means you just need to find words of support. And the best way to do this is by telling him how wonderful he is. Say: “You know how to get out of difficult problems, you are resourceful, you have authority, you know how to behave with such people.” Try to list to your husband all the qualities that will help him overcome troubles. This will instill in him confidence in his own strength.
Help. But only if the husband himself turned to you for help. If he has not done this, you can help him with advice, but it should be formulated in the form of a recommendation, not an order. Not “do it this way”, but “it seems to me that you should do it this way...” Does your husband not accept your, from your point of view, wise advice? Well, give him the opportunity to do as he sees fit. And make your own mistakes.