Not long ago, one of the users of a famous social network shared a “discovery” with friends: the background colors that users of this social network can choose for their messages are strikingly similar to the colors famous test Luscher. That is, it is not pure colors that are offered, but a kind of smeared, muted option. By the way, it’s interesting that he discovered this completely by accident. It’s just that where he was located there was quite a slow Internet connection. And he noticed that before the social networks familiar to users load, “ funny pictures”, just when they offer to choose a background, it is the color layout that appears, reminiscent of Luscher’s.
If you're paranoid...
The user who discovered this oddity suggested that the social network was testing its users in this way. One can dismiss this assumption as just another bout of naive conspiracy theory. But, firstly, conspiracy theories in lately proves that she is not so naive when it turns out that what “naive conspiracy theorists” once warned about is only a soft version of what is happening in hardcore reality, and secondly, it is perhaps worth listening to the famous and as if joking statements like this: “Just because you are paranoid, this does not mean that you are not being watched.”
They're watching, be calm...
In fact, social networks no longer particularly hide the fact that they collect information about their users using all sorts of algorithms that evaluate certain of their reactions. That is why you suddenly find from time to time that you are being harassed by some kind of intrusive advertising or that you see messages from some of your friends, but not messages from others. For some reason, the social network “knows better than you” what you need, or “thinks” it “knows better.” If you knew that the matter is limited only to this, and that the information is not used for anything else, then okay. But we don't know that. And we rightly suspect social networks of playing dirty games. This time. And one more thing: it’s one thing when you are tested in agreement with you for a purpose known to you, and quite another thing when you never dream of such testing for unclear purposes. That's two.
Luscher test
What exactly is the Luscher test? It seems that those who have been at least somewhat interested or are interested in psychology know what it is. For those who don’t know, here’s a brief, albeit vulgar (for obvious reasons) explanation. This psychological test, which was invented by Swiss psychologist Mark Lüscher. The point is that preferences for one color or another, according to the Swiss psychologist, are subjective, in contrast to color perception itself. Plus, the choice of one color or another is based on unconscious algorithms, and therefore, a person becomes visible in full view - the way he is, and not the way he imagines and positions himself. Further - already technical details. But the point is this. Some argue that this is, if not quackery, pure form, then a very rough assessment of personality. However, those who took the test were sometimes shocked by how famously it brought to light those traits and potential of them, sometimes very unpleasant, which they themselves suspected of themselves.
"Don't talk!"
But in fact, it is always unpleasant that you are an object of study for someone. And, we repeat, without your request. Who gets the data that social networks collect about us? Maybe those who say that they end up with the special services are right? It's not in vain former employee CIA and NSA Edward Snowden, who now lives in Russia, is afraid to talk about serious topics even with an iron on nearby. And he knows what surveillance is. Let us recall exactly what information he published in the newspapers (after which he had to flee the United States). This was information from the NSA about the real World Wide Web, created by American intelligence agencies to track information flows between a huge number of people from different countries. With the help, among other things, of various information networks.
Social engineering
But in general, it’s not even about the special services and vigorous conspiracy theories. Simply, the data collected by social networks can be used, for example, in social engineering. Yes, in principle, social networks themselves in their current form are a tool of social engineering. At least some of the so-called color revolutions that swept across the world took place in social networks. And if only they would unwind. Social networks have sometimes been the organizing and guiding force of such revolutions, and in fact, coups. At least judging by their results (and none of them had a positive result for the majority of members of society in the territory where it unfolded), these are definitely destructive coups.
Manipulate and manipulate again
“Social engineers,” in fact, do not hide the fact that their goal is to create, using various technologies, conditions that will lead to a specific desired result. All this is heavily influenced by the achievements of sociology and psychology. In short, this is manipulation, most often secret, in its purest form. One can argue that social engineering is just a tool, and everything depends on in whose hands this tool ends up. But in fact, manipulation always remains manipulation, no matter for whatever good purposes it is used. Yes, we all manipulate each other, but in the case of “social engineers” we are talking about conscious, sophisticated, scientifically based manipulation of individual and mass consciousness. It's akin... nuclear weapons. Which, as you know, requires close control. Perhaps social engineering methods will be useful for medical purposes. But even then the temptation to manipulate remains.
Responsible Manipulator Code
The above does not mean at all that social engineering should be prohibited. Once upon a time we already declared genetics the “enemy of the people.” And they fell behind. Enough of this shamanism. On the contrary, social engineering must be developed in every possible way precisely with the goal of not only discovering weaknesses in human perception, but also developing methods to counteract manipulation even high level. In addition, no one has yet canceled science, despite the craze for various obscurantisms. But most importantly, the “social engineers” themselves must approach their work responsibly, being aware of not only the pros, but also the disadvantages of this “engineering.” They would, perhaps, create some kind of code for a responsible manipulator...
It's a trap
You can find many recommendations on how to recognize and cut off attempts at manipulation. The only trouble is that in most cases they do not work. Why? Yes, because, whatever one may say, they are all based on awareness. And people, for the most part, are unconscious creatures. You can argue with this statement, but if you try to trace your everyday reactions, you will easily see that in the vast majority of cases we act automatically, without thinking. No, in our heads there is always some white noise from fragments and shadows of memories and thoughts, but for the most part this has nothing to do with what is happening in reality. Or rather, it has an indirect relationship. That's the problem. This is the weak point that allows us to be manipulated, causing the necessary reactions. And even when it seems to us that we are quite logical in our reasoning and are fully aware of what we are doing, this rarely coincides with reality. After all, it is not enough to think logically; I would like to understand what caused the chain itself, what emotions it is based on and what ancient instincts or simply habitual algorithms feed these emotions themselves. Agree, this looks very much like a trap. Moreover, into the trap that we set for ourselves.
Take breaks
On the other hand, we arranged it ourselves, and we can disassemble it ourselves. But it's difficult. The main trick in this is attention. You need to listen to your reactions and take a break. That is, do not react automatically. A certain emotion has appeared, a certain impulse to action, a certain direction of thought in response to a reaction - take a break. Relax. Try to understand what really motivates you. Again, this is difficult, incredibly difficult. But there is no other way out if you do not want to be a victim of manipulators. We must gradually spread our attention and awareness to everything. longer time wakefulness. And it will become a habit. Don't sleep in reality.
Hi all! Started working week, which means social activity and the level of interaction with other people have increased. What am I talking about? There are excellent manipulators from God, as well as an equally large number of people who are eager to master techniques for controlling other people in order to own life finally became light, pleasant and carefree.
I recently covered the topic of this, and you liked this article. While looking for ideas for new articles, I came across a video that talks about 5 things that manipulation is based on. I liked it. I agree with what it says: it passes the test of reason and is often observed in life. I will definitely attach this video at the end of the article. It looks easy, although it lasts 18 minutes.
As a result, I decided to write an article about how to recognize manipulation, how to react to it, and how we are most often manipulated. The video will perfectly complement the article :) Let’s quickly move on to how to resist manipulation!
Manipulation is a trick that is aimed at inducing a person to do something beneficial and convenient for another. It is important for the manipulator to get results at any cost; he does not care about your opinion about it, your desire or unwillingness to do it. Of course, manipulation is not good, regardless of whether a person does it intentionally or not.
It seems to me that you should value not only your freedom, but also the freedom of other people. They absolutely have the right to put their goals, tasks and time ahead of someone else when necessary. At the same time, this attitude gives us freedom too. It's okay to refuse help and it's also okay to face rejection. If this is of a permanent nature, then, of course, you should think about it.
How to recognize manipulation
To know how to resist manipulation, you should first understand how to identify them.
When manipulation occurs, another person or group of people is trying to persuade you to take an action or decision that you, in principle, do not need or are not interested in. To cloud your mind and not let you understand that everyone wins but you, manipulators put pressure on weak points. You will learn more about them from the video.
If you listen to yourself for a second, you cannot help but notice the discomfort, because they are trying to persuade you to do something through leverage. They may be common to many people or to you specifically. Another person is trying to control you and encroaches on your personal freedom through playing on feelings, weakness, lack, and even kindness. Everything is in progress.
It is clear that manipulations can quite rightly cause indignation, because the goal in them is achieved at any cost, and this is a clear disrespect for you. You are not obligated to sacrifice your time and energy for anything that is not part of your plans or desires.
Nevertheless, you can take a step forward, but in response not to manipulation, but to a sincere request. In this case, the person explains why he needs you and gives you the opportunity to decide for yourself whether you can answer the request or not. If they are simply trying to dump things on you, and do not really need help, do not accept refusal and put pressure on weak points, then all this does not deserve a positive response.
How to respond to manipulation
Everyone is trying to manipulate: both the inner circle and the distant one. Depending on these same circles there will be different reactions. Next, you will learn how to resist manipulation by both.
Manipulation acquaintances usually less subtle, so we feel them better. I wouldn't attach any importance to this special meaning, would simply note a person’s tendency to play on the weaknesses of others in order to achieve his own. Agree to something only if it does not cause you any inconvenience and you would like to do it at least a little. If not, then feel free to refuse, you don’t even have to go into long explanations about this.
With manipulations loved ones For people, everything is much more complicated. It is often difficult for us to admit that we are being manipulated, but if we feel pressure, coercion, discomfort, then this is it. If the request goes against your goals and plans, or even if you don’t want to respond to it at all, then refuse.
The manipulator, of course, will not take your refusal seriously and will continue to put pressure and manipulate more and more sophisticatedly. Just understand what is happening and don't change your mind. You can try to better explain the reason for the refusal, but usually this will not bother a person prone to manipulation: he does not need explanations, but for you to do as he needs.
The first refusal will be the most painful. You may feel the most terrible person on earth, although you just somehow expressed the right to your life with your goals, plans and problems. Remember that your interests are no less valuable, and this alone should exclude any strong pressure on you.
The next act of manipulation will not be so intense. Over time, a person will be forced to learn to accept rejection. Any request implies both answers: “yes” and “no” - and for many people this becomes a complete surprise and a real blow.
What are the manipulations based on?
The main levers of influence on you, especially when communicating with your inner circle, are pity And guilt. They are truly very effective and can make us drop everything to respond and do what someone else needs. This is noble, but is it noble to achieve such an effect through manipulation?
It is important to distinguish when you actually feel pity and guilt, and when they are imposed on you. Does the person or their situation really make you sincerely pity and want to help? No? Then, most likely, this feeling is simply instilled in you so that you do what is convenient for the other.
You seem to have done nothing wrong, but suddenly you feel terribly guilty. So guilty that you are already rushing to help and make amends. This should be alarming, especially considering that you can simply shame a person and make them feel guilty out of nowhere.
If you doubt the presence of manipulation, then try not to do what you are being encouraged to do: refuse and watch the reaction. If the other person does not accept your refusal and continues to coerce and put pressure on weak points, then there is definitely manipulation. They just tried to control you in an ugly and dishonest way.
I am convinced that requests must be truly justified and sincere. In this case, it’s nice to help, even if sometimes there are more important things to do. Manipulators should not be worth your attention: it is low to try to achieve your goal in this way.
Try to give more freedom to others, take refusals calmly, even if you were counting on the person. He wouldn't refuse you without reason. Also allow yourself to sometimes be “bad” and refuse help: you, like the other person, have every right to do this.
I hope you enjoyed this article on how to resist manipulation! Respect yourself, do not devalue your time and energy, help when you really feel like it! Let manipulators spend their energy not on blackmail and looking for the next weak point you, but to independently solve your problems.
I hug you, I wish you Have a good day and I attach the video that I mentioned at the beginning of the article. Write your opinion about this topic.
See you on Thursday when it comes out new article! I will also be very glad to see you on social networks. Bye!
How to avoid falling into the manipulator's network?
Manipulative communication is something we have to deal with quite often. To resist a manipulator, you need to know the enemy by sight. The article answers the following questions: What is the manipulation based on? What are the techniques and tactics of the manipulator? How do you know if you are being manipulated? How to counteract a manipulator?
Have you ever bought useless things? Going to work on a day off? Fulfill someone's endless requests? Follow the lead of a mother or a whining child?
In life, each of us has had to find ourselves in situations where we are forced to do something. The role of a manipulator can be your child, relatives, friends, colleagues, boss, seller - anyone!
Manipulation - is it overt or covert? psychological impact in order to introduce into a person’s consciousness ideas and intentions that do not coincide with the person’s desire, to receive something from him, to achieve the desired action.
Manipulation, like lies, can be beneficial in some situations. Parents promise their children something, forcing them to eat, go to bed, do homework, etc. Doctors use intimidation to force patients to quit smoking or start exercising.
But more often than not, such “guidance” from the outside harms us, ignores the person as an individual, neglects our interests, and humiliates us. To prevent this from happening, you need to know the enemy by sight and meet him fully armed.
What is the manipulation based on?
Manipulators skillfully play on our feelings, weaknesses, and complexes. Fears, feelings of guilt, duty, pity, love, low self-esteem, stereotypes of social consciousness - these are the reasons to hook you.
Were you planning to spend the weekend with friends? And mom, appealing to feelings of pity and duty, “invites” you to help at the dacha. “I raised you, I didn’t see the white light, but you...” - we often hear.
Politicians know that there is a contagion effect, the “crowd effect,” so they prefer rallies to other forms of PR. The crowd is easily suggestible, accepts and spreads any slogans or ideas.
"Trump cards" of the manipulator
Manipulators know and successfully use methods of psychological influence.
By suggestion used if it is necessary to “instill” a certain idea, intention, emotion. Human more susceptible to suggestion if he is tired, depressed, or experiencing a feeling of anxiety.
Threats.“Oh, you are so! I'll quit school! I’ll commit suicide!”, “If you don’t go to work on Saturday, then I will draw the appropriate conclusions.”
Blackmail.“And I’ll tell your boss!”, “If you do this, then don’t come home.”
Depreciation discredits a person, for example, questions his professional competence (“Don’t you know that?”).
Encouragement.“No one but you can cope with this task!” This flatters a person’s vanity, and he will try to justify the trust. Just what a manipulator needs.
Ignoring– deliberate inattention to the statements and actions of a communication partner, deliberate absent-mindedness, avoidance of visual contact. This hurts the interlocutor, forcing him to follow the manipulator’s lead.
Manipulation tactics could be like this:
1. Close acquaintance. People are more likely to comply with requests from those they know. It is always more difficult to refuse an acquaintance. If you refer a friend, it will be much easier to get support.
2. Search for similarities with those who are influenced. If you are in any way similar to your opponent ( appearance, interests), then the task of subordinating it to your goals becomes significantly easier.
Professional communicators pay attention to all the details. Having learned that the interlocutor is a doctor by education, they will touch upon medical topics. Having seen the place of birth of a potential client in the questionnaire, they will report (with practiced surprise) that they have relatives living in this city.
3. Quid pro quo– a very common method of influence. “I have done so much for you, but you don’t want to help me.” Try to refuse - you will be labeled as ungrateful.
4. Attempts to gain self-esteem. The question “What, no money?” humiliates a person. “What, weak?”, “Can’t you make a decision without your wife?”
5. Understatement own capabilities, self-deprecation is one of the tricks of a passive manipulator. He pretends to be weak, sick, helpless, forcing others to help him, to do something for him. Or the person may become offended, forcing you to make concessions.
6. Choosing one option out of two possible ones. The manipulator uses phrases like: “Will you pay in cash or by card?”, “When is it more convenient for you to meet: in the morning or after lunch?” It’s possible on a day off.” You choose one of the proposed options, and any of them suits your partner.
How to recognize a manipulator?
So, it's worth taking precautions if your partner:
Violates the boundaries of your psychological space, gets too close to you, positioning himself as a person close to you.
He hypnotizes with his gaze, or, conversely, looks past you and looks away to the side.
He fusses, tries to ingratiate himself with you.
Flatters, showers with compliments.
He jokes too much.
Takes excessive care of you: “Are you comfortable?”, “Aren’t you cold?”, “Would you like some coffee?”
He imposes his services and goods.
He imposes stereotypes of behavior: “Be a man!”, “It’s customary in our team,” “If you love me, then...”
Dramatizes the situation, causing a state of anxiety and anxiety.
He answers evasively, with a question to a question (“What do you think?”).
He tries to change the topic, the course of the conversation, to direct it in the right direction for himself.
He hurries you: “Take it now - tomorrow it will be more expensive,” “Discounts are valid only today.” You are not given time to think. If you think, you won’t have time.
After communication, you feel tired, irritated, and empty.
How to counteract manipulation?
1. Be extremely attentive, trust your “sixth sense”. The task is to notice in time the elements of manipulation, the hidden motive, if there is one in communication.
2. If you guess that they are trying to use you, then you need to understand what they want from you. Try to imagine yourself in the place of your interlocutor. How would you behave, what would you achieve? His position will become clearer.
3. Hide your emotions, don’t show yours “ pain points" Don't worry about your weaknesses. Everyone has them. Ignore negative assessments of your capabilities and abilities. This will prevent the manipulator from discovering your true feelings and influencing them.
4. Don't obey his rules. Be tone deaf. Consciously ignore hints, violent emotions, and intimidation. Stop attempts to impose feelings of pity, guilt, and duty on you. For example, a mother asking for help needs to explain that you are busy this weekend, but next Sunday she can count on you.
5. Your actions can also be active. Ask questions, be interested in details. The manipulator “shoots” with pre-prepared phrases, counting on the quick effect of his words and making a lightning-fast decision. Often not ready to go into details. By asking a question, you may confuse him, you will be able to notice lies and inaccuracies. Then the manipulator will be forced to retreat.
6. Avoid calculated, predictable reactions. If you behave unconventionally, it will be impossible to adapt to you. Surprise your interlocutor by directly asking: “So what do you want from me? Should I do this work for you?
7. Use criticism, evaluation, and ridicule of your opponent’s actions.
Use counter manipulation tactics. For example, interrupt the annoying suggestions of a cosmetics company representative with the words: “I use my grandmother’s recipes and, in my opinion, I look good. Would you like me to share my secrets?
We may not like it, but manipulation is part of our communication. Therefore, you need to learn to resist it or respond to the manipulator in kind. But don’t forget the rule: treat others the way you would like to be treated.
Everyone faces the problem of manipulation in one way or another.
Parents pressing duty and pity on their children. Children asking for something.
Friends appealing to conscience. A superior on whom subordinates depend.
There are many situations that arise every day in which we want both parties to be happy. How to protect your rear?
A manipulator is a person who seeks to achieve his goal through the hands of other people.
Manipulation is undoubtedly not the most best way impact on others, since it characterizes people as rather selfish and proud. His management is based not on leadership authority, but on a subtle game with the feelings of others. Therefore, there is no point in learning from such people. But it makes sense to become familiar with their influence in order to know how to resist it.
The fact is that the manipulator acts so that we do what HE wants, but this also prevents us from striving for what WE want. Therefore, as part of the topic of my blog, I want to look at some ways to counter such people.
I would like to point out right away that manipulative methods are used not only by people we don’t like. But sometimes our friends and loved ones too. Sometimes we adopt this style of behavior from others, without realizing that suppressing the will is not very good. Therefore, our task is to fight not with people, but with them. negative sides. It's much more noble.
It's not my goal to review everything. possible ways negative psychological influence(I’m already very glad that you read this far). I want to note main principle such an impact on us:
The manipulator seeks to evoke negative feelings in a person. This is the meaning of their action.
We all subconsciously tend to be in a state of calm and balance. If we feel a negative emotion, then we strive to get rid of it. The manipulator knows this and directs our emotions so that, getting rid of them, we move in the direction he wants. These are the favorite feelings that such a person wants to develop in us.
- Resentment
- Anger
- Fear
How does this work in practice?
A manipulator’s favorite way is to induce guilt in his victim through questions. He essentially makes her think about her negative qualities and achieves the desired effect.
Well, for example, a boss asks a subordinate: “Don’t you know your responsibilities? Do you consider yourself better than others? Why do others do it and you don't? Should they suffer because of you? The questions are correct, but I did not clarify that the boss can use them at his own discretion. Even to force a subordinate to do something that is not specified employment contract, which is poorly paid or generally contradicts the conscience of the employee... How often such methods are applied to different people!
It's a shame that these methods of influence are still practiced by parents. Quite often you can observe how a “caring” mother suppresses any initiative on the part of the child, clearly letting him know that “it will be as I said, because I said so.” But as a rule, when a child is correctly pointed out his mistakes, without causing him to negative feelings, he grows up to be a completely independent person and independent of the opinions of others.
Anger and excuses on our part only benefit our opponent. In principle, he is counting on them. Especially if power and authority are on his side. Therefore, it is important to know how to properly respond to such aggression that suppresses our will.
How can you really overcome a manipulator?
Increase your self-esteem.
WITH strong in spirit people who are able to say “no” and are firm in their decisions, the manipulator will feel and will not mess with them. Remember your strengths if you hear that you are being criticized.
Everyone has the right to make a mistake, and anyone who tries to get you out of it by pointing out shortcomings is not without sin.
Don't be silent!
If you are uncomfortable with the conversation, speak directly about your feelings. If you feel like someone is trying to take advantage of you, report that too. The manipulator whose plan you recognize will not be able to continue his line.
Be careful.
Manipulators also have such weapons as compliments in their arsenal, so learn to distinguish flattery from sincere praise. If a person tries too hard to please you or the praise is exaggerated, thank him, and politely refuse in further attempts to influence your decision.
Down with fear!
When a manipulator acts aggressively and tries to intimidate you, try to remain calm. Feeling guilty often does not do us any good, especially if you really failed to do something. Inform your interlocutor in a calm tone that you do not intend to continue communication in this spirit, and simply leave the room for a while. If you are polite and do not “gnaw” and overthink yourself, your calmness will work in your favor. The manipulator is just waiting for you to be in an unstable emotional state - this way they can get benefits from you faster.
Refuse.
The ability to say “no” if you really don’t need it will become a powerful weapon against a manipulator. You have the right to refuse, just like anyone else. Therefore, you should not step on the throat of your own song - it’s more expensive for yourself. “Buy”, “eat”, “take time” can be asked and close person, and a colleague, and even sellers on the street. It is important to consider your feelings, but not to agree firmly and politely.
So, when in once again you will hear that you should, that you are the most beautiful or, on the contrary, you behave disgustingly (for no reason), that without this thing your life will not be complete, then take a deep breath and calmly think: is everything really what it looks like? presented?
Have unbreakable values.
Manipulators usually look for indecisive, pliable people who do not have their own point of view. With the help of negative feelings and even praise and flattery, they can win such people over to their side. But when you clearly know what you want, no tanker can move you! I have seen people who behave extremely confidently in one area of activity, but are absolutely indecisive in another. What are they missing? Clear convictions in this area. If someone makes you nervous in a group, then understand what views you should have in this situation. And never violate your principles!
Be independent of the opinions of others.
There are no feelings that you can have without your consent. Guilt, fear, resentment are specific reactions to circumstances. Remember, the manipulator wants to see them. Don't honor him! Calmness is an extremely unfavorable way of reacting for him. Do not doubt that he will try to get you out of this state. Be patient, he will soon fall behind and you will win!
Express protection
What to do if you are criticized at the moment? You can directly and confidently ask the offender to stop doing this. For example, you can ask: “Why are you talking to me in this tone?”, or: “Are you trying to blame me? I don’t want to experience any negative feelings!” This may seem strange and unusual to others, but this is precisely what can prompt the manipulator to reconsider his plans. But the main thing that is expected of you is
KEEPING CALM, DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT!
So, go forward, regardless of the opinions of selfish people.