Helps. I am the mistress of an unfree man. I am 40 years old. We've been together for 1.5 years. We even lived together for 7 months, overcoming the resistance of our families (I’m also married). 4 months ago, my beloved returned to the family - unable to withstand the pressure. I understand him - he has small children. The wife is very determined. And while she was suffering, she put pressure on the children. And she achieved her goal.
In the end, we still meet. Any free time.
The scandals at his home continue. But at least he can protect his children. And I made several attempts to break up. Explaining that I can’t share my love, that I want to be happy. But I can’t imagine how to stop loving and send our relationship back to the bright past.
I love, I am loved. We are important to each other.
My beloved does everything so that I don’t leave him. And I, resisting, understand that without this person dear to me, I will simply fade away. If it weren't for today, I wouldn't have written to you.
There is a completely different view of what happens to people in such a situation. I've already read a lot of things. I know that such a triangle is a dead end. I know that people like me are immoral, taking away a father from children. But I note that during our family life his wife did not allow us to see our children. I have always been for children to see their dad whenever they want.
I don't know what to do. Inside, I had already let go of the hope that we would be together and live a full life. I wish him happiness. Even if not with me. Although I still believe in miracles. I know that by changing myself I can change the world around me.
But now it's a dead end.
I see how I have no strength to live ordinary life. No strength to communicate. I don’t have the strength to pretend that I’m calm and wise. My heart is breaking. I blame myself for not being able to preserve my happiness. She was categorical and demanding of her beloved. I was jealous of my wife. Even after breaking up, she behaved like a wife. Which has the right to any actions. Having the excuse that she was a mother, the abandoned woman had the support of his parents.
He is sure that he loves me. That he will do everything to ensure that we are together. Even in such a convenient way only for him. I am also confident in my feelings. I love a person. We have passed many tests.
But how crooked everything is, how stupid, how distorted.
I want to order your training. But the phrase that “I don’t teach how to take a husband away from the family” stops him. And I want to be together. I'm going exactly this way. And again everything is wrong. I see the obvious. And still I try to be a criminal.
Help me understand my feelings. I haven’t even divorced my husband yet. And I’ve been loving someone else for a year and a half.
Best regards, Yulia
Answer:
Hello, Yulia. How painful it is to be loved. And not be with your loved one.
I want to shout to you: “Fight! It’s not fair to be in such a situation.”
However, I can't do anything for you. I can only show you different facets of your situation. So that you can determine the right path for yourself.
For women, the topic of mistresses is one of the most painful. The husband left for his mistress and does not return. It's a rare woman who can actually forgive cheating. I immediately want to quarrel between my husband and my mistress forever, and insidious plans arise to harm my husband’s mistress. However, it is possible to prevent a man from being seduced by his mistress. Of course, here it should be said that a loving and decent man will never go “to the left.” And it's true. However, sometimes women should make an effort so that the marriage is the best and the man does not even have the thought of looking for something from another woman.
So, what you need to know in order to keep a man and not think later about how to annoy your husband’s mistress.
Denial of sex
Some women may refuse sex to their husbands for months and even years (!). And then - to sincerely wonder why her man fell into the clutches of his mistress. Sometimes wives try to manipulate men in this way, but this will not lead to anything good except disorder in the family. Sometimes it’s still worth making an effort and pleasing your husband, even if you’re tired at work or not in the mood. After all, mistresses don’t think about whether it’s good to be the mistress of a married man. They just enjoy sex.
Sexual routine
Nowadays, when the sexual revolution has long passed, some women still accept several positions in sex, and preferably with the lights off. A man simply will not get the pleasure he deserves. Of course, this is not an excuse for cheating. However, it is better to try new positions and sexual games from time to time.
He's just a womanizer
You may have known about this before the relationship, but thought he would change. Maybe the “rose-colored glasses” of falling in love prevented you from seeing it right away. However, remember: it is extremely difficult to rehabilitate a womanizer. He has low self-esteem and tries to raise it through dubious love victories. Here, thoughts of how to untie the husband from his mistress will be meaningless. It's better to think about how to get a divorce.
Relationship crisis
It can be very significant - even to the point of serious conversations about divorce (not in the heat of a quarrel, but real discussions). Sometimes a crisis may be less significant, but protracted and relate to fundamental issues. If during such a period a person runs away from problems by taking on a mistress, this may indicate that he has not passed the test of troubles - the same “for better or worse.” And there is no guarantee that next time he will not do the same.
A man perceives his wife as a mother, not as a woman
Psychologists have long noticed this interesting phenomenon. However, if a woman constantly teaches her husband, serves him, takes care of him, in his subconscious he begins to associate her with his mother. But in his mistress he will see precisely a woman - however, he will not leave “mom” until she kicks him out.
Wrong moral standards
Some men believe that they are entitled to polygamy and can have a mistress just because they are “male.” However, women are not given this right. It will be extremely difficult to convince such an individual otherwise, because he is accustomed to indulging only his own needs and looking for convenient “views” for this. How to independently separate your husband from his mistress in this situation? The advice would be: no way. If you have any self-esteem, run away from such men.
Under pressure from circle of acquaintances
Some businessmen and high-ranking men, despite their status, have never learned to defend their opinions. If the image of a rich man who must have a beautiful mistress is imposed on him, he will not protest. However, at the root of this is also selfishness: for a man, the most important thing is the opinion of several friends or acquaintances, his image, built according to other people’s standards.
Routine
Some men complain that allegedly family life after many years it became a routine. Therefore, they begin to look for dubious “extreme” activities on the side. Sometimes it also happens that a woman stops taking care of herself and no longer attracts a man. The usual image does not change for many years, or it becomes even worse - so the mistress in this case also plays the role of adding variety.
Looking for what is missing in a relationship
According to this principle, both men and women betray. For example, if there is not enough tenderness, care, support, the same sex, etc. However, going “to the left” does not solve the problem, but will only destroy the family.
Wants to cry on his mistress's shoulder
Sometimes a mistress becomes a kind of “vest” where he can cry about his “terrible” life. This is sometimes done by weak men who are looking for sympathy and regret. Well, sex in this case becomes a pleasant bonus for the “weeper.”
This desire to return a husband is usually not understandable to men. Especially if the woman kicked her husband out herself, and even with parting words, they say, go to where you were walking.
However, in this case, the woman is not at all guided by logic, but only by feeling.
She doesn’t kick her husband out so that he will leave, but so that he will stay.
She doesn’t put an ultimatum “she or I”, but says: look at this! Of course - me! Stay with me! I'm better than her! And we have children, a family and a lot of things we have lived and experienced together....
But the husband leaves, loneliness, resentment, jealousy, fear, uncertainty and the desire to return everything reign in the woman’s soul.
You can always watch the program on the Russia channel “How to return a man’s love,” or read Oleg Ideal’s book, however, if you really want to understand what happened, you will understand that everything lies on the surface.
In essence, the desire to return a husband who has left for another is quite logical for a woman; for her it does not look at all as if she kicked him out or that the husband made his conscious choice. Consciously, he could choose only her and the children - that’s what she thinks, that’s how she feels.
But female logic is poorly perceived by male logic, or even not perceived at all.
Men and women are such different creatures that even in everyday situations they often do not understand or misunderstand each other, and even more so in a state of personal conflict....
Get your husband back using the withdrawal method.
The good thing about this method is that the husband does not return, pulled by the balls by relatives and your tears “for the sake of the children,” but makes a real choice in favor of his wife and children, having realized for himself the enduring values of family and marriage, which he previously treated thoughtlessly.
The essence of the method is fully reflected in its name - in order to return your husband to the family, you need to completely distance yourself from him. I’ll make a reservation right away that the method can only give an effect if the husband, although he has left for another woman (and sometimes to his mother, or to live alone), but, in principle, loves his wife or at least is not indifferent to him. Otherwise, it will not be possible to return your husband using this method.
This method will not help either if the husband does not love his wife, but loves the children - the method is not designed to use children as bait to catch the runaway husband.
So, everything is simple - your husband has left, you want him back, so that he can live with you and the children (if there are children, of course), in the family. To achieve your goal, you need to completely distance yourself from him, both externally and internally. This means:
1. No calls to my husband, no SMS, letters, cards, messages on social networks, etc. Complete silence. It goes without saying that you do not watch him at night under the windows of your mistress, do not lie in wait at work, and generally do not make any attempts to influence him or his mistress.
2. If your husband comes to communicate with the children, do not communicate with him, it is better to go somewhere for this time, even to a neighbor, or at least to the next room. There is no need to interfere with communication with children.
3 . Explain to your children that they should not answer their father's questions about you. Let them say so - “Mom forbade us to talk about it.”
4 . Tell your husband to call and write only when it comes to children, do not have any other conversations with him, and do not be fooled by these conversations.
5. Always end the phone conversation first, you are always very busy for him, you always have no time.
6. No matter how much you would like to get some information about your husband, do not allow anyone to tell anyone anything about him, stop such conversations, especially if these are your mutual acquaintances with your husband or, especially, people from his side who are guaranteed to convey your words to him. In this way, he will make sure that you really pulled away from him, and not just pretending to. But something else is even more important - such steady behavior in moving away from your departed husband will help you move away from him internally, and this is an indispensable condition for the success of returning your husband using this method.
7
. Stop any thoughts you have about your husband, that you want him back, distract yourself from this by any means. If it’s really unbearable, then you can set aside, for example, 15 minutes a day when you allow yourself to think about getting your husband back, but don’t spend this time in tears, but use simple home love magic - a spell or prayer to return your husband to the family . It doesn’t matter that you are not a witch or a sorceress, it doesn’t matter whether you believe in magic or not, but this will distract you from tears and lamentations and you will spend your 15 minutes in activities aimed at returning your husband to the family, which should you calm down a little.
But if you are able to completely forbid yourself from thinking about your departed husband or his return, then saddle up with it, it will be even better.
8. If you accidentally meet your husband who left you on the street, say hello and pass by, you are always in a hurry, always busy - never forget about it.
9. You will receive the first signal about the success of the tactics used when your husband’s first, still clumsy, uncertain and fake attempts to “talk” begin, which you should stop. If this leads to displeasure, attacks on his part or a scandal (ideally, the scandal should be one-sided - only on his part), then everything is going more than well!
10. Continue the tactic of withdrawal, lead active life, go to the cinema, to parties with girlfriends, play sports, in a word, have fun and relax as much as possible, be distracted by work, household chores and children. Fill your life so that not even a millimeter of emptiness remains after your departed husband.
As a result.
In the end, if you didn’t give in, didn’t participate in boring, difficult and meaningless conversations on the topic “how difficult it is for him, how he can’t choose - a wife or a mistress, how ungrateful and bad you are, but your mistress, on the contrary, is very caring, etc.” .etc., etc.”, then the husband, having thoroughly boiled in his own juice, tired of his internal monologues, feeling the emptiness under his feet, will certainly press you somewhere with a frank conversation about the possibility of his return to the family.
And it happens that a mistress, driven by his internal rushing either towards her or towards his wife, simply simply kicks out her lover so that he does not get on her nerves, and also out of jealousy and desire for him to finally decide on his choice, of course in her favor, with which the mistress usually breaks off.
You won’t be able to get out of a real conversation with your husband about his return (but you need to try), unlike previous false attempts. This will be a difficult conversation, possibly with snot, tears and hysterics, your husband will ask to return, and you will allow him to do so, but only on your own terms.
This conversation is the final and very important scene in the action that you have been playing out for so long, and therefore it must be carried out correctly, according to a pre-planned plan.
What happens to a husband who leaves for his mistress?.
So, the man overcame his hesitation and finally made a choice in favor of his mistress with whom he went to live. In the process of getting used to life with new woman he consistently goes through standard stages, which I will talk about only from the perspective of the return method used by the wife, without touching on various subtle points and options (there are a lot of them), otherwise the article will turn out to be too long.
Euphoria stage.
Everything is great! The man has finally freed himself from painful thoughts and hesitations and has taken a step towards a new life, happier, as he believes, and full of nothing but pleasures! His mistress is also happy - the treasured prize is in her hands, she is the only one who has it, she is trying very hard to show that her beloved was not mistaken in choosing her and not his wife, amazing sex, breakfast in bed, ten-course lunch, romantic dinners by candlelight ... she won’t last long like this, but now at the stage of euphoria there is no point in even trying to drive a wedge between her and her lover who fell from the sky right into her hands for eternal use!
The only sad note that every husband who leaves for his mistress expects with bated breath is the wife’s persistent and always unpleasant attempts to return him. The range of attempts is very wide - from heartbreaking conversations in the style of “come back for the sake of the children, I will forgive everything” to the accompaniment of the sobs of these children themselves, lined up in their nightgowns under the windows of their mistress’s apartment or at the door to their father’s work, to smearing paint on the doors of their mistress (he lives here whore) and even physical attacks on herself.
But “our” wife used the tactic of distancing, and therefore nothing overshadows the stage of euphoria and both lovers calm down. But in vain, as will be seen below.
The stage of euphoria can last from several days for anxious and suspicious people, to several months for thick-skinned people who don’t care.
Worry stage.
Anxiety is present in a husband who has left for another woman from the very beginning, but it is smeared with euphoria and even completely dissolves in it. However, after the holiday, everyday life always comes, and in addition, problems and issues arise in relationships, because the “young people” are in the process of adaptation, getting used to each other, for which they are usually not ready. It seemed to them that they knew each other well, but in fact it turns out that dating and tumbling, and living closely side by side are completely different things!
A man goes on dates with his children, he sees the children’s sad eyes and is unpleasantly impressed by his wife’s cold detachment. She lets the children go for a walk with him, she goes somewhere leaving him with the children, or she locks herself in the next room in front of the computer and reads the blog of some Sergei Kalmov (I would kill the bastard for his advice to women!).
It’s a paradox, but when leaving his wife, the husband does not at all imagine that he is breaking off all ties and relationships with her forever. The rarest man does not keep on the edge of his subconscious abstract thought about a possible retreat and return to the family as soon as he himself wishes.
That is why such aloof behavior from his wife is a very unpleasant surprise for him, and for the first time it begins to gradually dawn on him, in jerks, that there may not be a possibility of turning back! That this opportunity depends entirely not on him and his desires, but on the desires of his abandoned wife, who seems to be very far from such thoughts!
Active action stage.
Unlike a woman, a man is little able to indulge in doubts and anxiety in inaction, sobbing into his pillow and running around the room wringing his hands. And now the husband who has left for his mistress begins to act - he pesters ex-wife with talk of a return. At first, these conversations are not specific in nature, they are vague and have as their goal to test the very possibility of such an expected return to the family in the future, when and if he is amused by his mistress and he suddenly wants to return.
In other words, a man simply wants to regain the confidence he is losing that no matter what he remains the master of the situation. Most women fall for these conversations, and, shedding tears and choking on snot on their knees, beg their husband to return, thereby driving themselves into an even more difficult situation, and the husband, satisfied with their behavior and reaction, who immediately knew that this would be the case, calmly continues to live with his mistress, often providing himself with sex with his abandoned wife, who thus hopes to “bring her husband back to the family, to the children”!
But “our” wife strictly adheres to the tactics of alienation and she coldly, with dignity, suppresses these pathetic attempts in the “we need to talk” style, answering that “by your action you have already told me everything.” And the irreversibility of what he had done slowly begins to dawn on the man. How
I already said above, when deciding to leave the family, leaving his wife and linking his life, seemingly forever, with another woman, a man has some kind of abstract idea that he can always turn back and redo everything!
Stage of despair.
The more adamantly and decisively the wife moves away, the less hope remains for the husband to “talk about us,” the faster the departed husband falls into despair. He begins to arrange “random” meetings, he sends SMS (the wife has not answered calls for a long time), letters, tries to find out something through acquaintances, friends and even his wife’s girlfriends, but in vain! He doesn't recognize his wife at all! She turned to him with a side whose existence he did not suspect - an unapproachable, cold, arrogant, calm, self-confident woman who not only continues to live without him, but also successfully arranges her personal life, as if forgetting about her husband who left her!
At this stage, the husband awakens to unreasonable, unaccountable jealousy. Although sex with his mistress continues, it no longer seems either “divine” or “amazing”, and it was mainly because of sex that he left for her; there was nothing else between him and his mistress! At this stage, during sex, many husbands who have left for another woman imagine not someone else, but their wife, because in addition to spiritual alienation, they also begin to experience physical and sexual alienation. They are so used to having two women that they literally yearn for the missing body!
Attempts follow both to persuade the wife to have sex using the usual methods, and to negotiate with her about sex on new terms: well, if you need it, I understand everything, well, it’s for women’s health... but everything is in vain. “Our” wife, like some soulless mechanism, is as cold as snow queen and with a smile, not just contempt, rejects all these unworthy proposals.
At the peak of despair, the departed husband, who no longer dreams of anything else but to regain his abandoned wife, arranges a meeting from which the wife cannot get away - he has thought through and provided for everything, the escape routes are closed and the stage of the final conversation begins.
The final conversation through the eyes of the departed husband.
Let it not seem strange to women, but the departed husband, dreaming of returning to his family, crawling on his knees and begging as the highest mercy to forgive his betrayal, at the same time goes over in his head the conditions under which he agrees to accept this mercy! That's how men are, what more can you say! Most abandoned wives, warmed up and softened by the imminent opportunity to get their husband back, willingly accept these conditions and even admit their part of the guilt for his betrayal. What a terrible mistake these unfortunates are making!
But “our” wife, even here, at this emotionally intense and completely difficult moment for herself, shows steadfastness and firmness. Not only does she not accept any conditions from her husband who has left and now wants to return, but on the contrary, she puts forward her own, clear, specific, very practical and purely material conditions!
For a husband, this is like a tub of cold water; he was counting on a stormy emotional explanation, reproaches, tears, hysterics and subsequent reconciliatory sex (some even refuse morning sex with their mistress in order to show themselves at their best, while others throw in some kind of stimulant!), and here...
This is a critical moment for the return of the husband by the method of detachment. If a man is fully mature, if he really wants to return to his wife, children and his old life, then he will accept these conditions, having first, of course, tried to bargain; after all, he is a man and cannot immediately and whole swallow the ultimatum of the wife he abandoned. Well, if he doesn’t accept it, then from deliberate dismissal, we need to move on to the real thing and not give the husband more chances, but file for divorce, if this has not been done before.
The departed husband, who has gone through all the stages described above and returned to his wife on her terms, will never again feel like the king of the situation in marriage and will keep in mind that his next betrayal will probably be his last, because he simply does not have enough strength to persuade his wife yet. forgive him once. And the more difficult it was for him to return to his family, the stronger this conviction will be for him.
All this is far from normal family happiness and does not provide any guarantees against another betrayal, but this is the best that can be obtained by using the method of forcing the return of a husband from another woman.
What happens to the mistress at this time?.
So, the beloved man finally left his wife and came to her, to his mistress, and came, of course, forever! This begins the stage of euphoria for the mistress of a married man!
Euphoria stage.
If married lover who left his wife to live with his mistress at the stage of euphoria only does that he experiences positive emotions and gets high without caring about anything else, then the mistress, just like him, enjoys the happiness of complete and undivided possession of his beloved, at the same time she also tries very hard!
Later, remembering this time, many women who were in the shoes of a mistress to whom her married lover left “for good” say “I tried really hard”! The mistress turns herself inside out in literally everything - in sex, in cooking, in entertainment, in creating an atmosphere of comfort, warmth, love and adoration in which she surrounds her beloved man.
At the stage of euphoria, a man is forgiven for everything - inattention, rudeness, harshness, isolation, because he suffers, he suffers, of course, not for this terrible wife of his, who, as he himself now admitted by leaving, was just a mistake of youth, but suffers for his children, according to the usual family environment and everything that made up his personal life for so long.
This is how the stage of understanding begins for the mistress.
Understanding stage.
This is a forced stage for which the mistress could not be prepared - after some time the relationship begins to lose its passionate intensity, some problems from his past life get in between her and her beloved man, more and more often the image of his ex-wife flashes into conversation (mistresses call their wife "ex" even if official divorce there were no children, whom the man misses.
Some men openly share with their mistress the aloof behavior of their wife that offends and wounds them, others hide it, and only by individual phrases dropped can one guess what exactly oppresses them. But one way or another, the mistress begins to understand that the fight with her wife is not over at all!
And here most mistresses make a mistake, they think that since the wife does not take active steps to return her husband, it means that she either does not need him, or she has come to terms with the fact that she has lost him, or in general “she has someone.” This last version is the most common, because it immediately explains the incomprehensible, unexpectedly cold and indifferent behavior of the wife. The “I would be in her place!” syndrome is triggered, a very common female habit of evaluating everything exclusively from her personal position.
Fight stage.
Seeing that the wife still worries and occupies the thoughts of her beloved man, the mistress joins in the fight against her. Rustic and stupid lovers at this stage begin to call their wife, try to meet with her and talk on the topic “leave him alone, he’s mine!”, set their beloved against his “ex”, some vandalize the wife’s car and front door, and so on and the like, women’s websites are full of these stories. The wife can only wonder what else she needs, she already has her husband and she makes no attempts to win him back, at least as far as visible attempts are concerned!
Smarter mistresses focus all their attention not on their wife, but on their beloved, fortunately they are always at hand. They do all sorts of things - they wear erotic lingerie, change their hairstyle and image (some “disguise” themselves externally as a wife after reading women’s gloss), they dance erotic dances in the evenings, drag the poor man to museums and exhibitions, take him to resorts and abroad .
But the essence of the method of detachment is that everything that further removes the wife from her departed husband further enhances the effect of this method - the husband becomes more and more worried, he is more and more drawn to the wife he abandoned, she leaves his thoughts less and less, he dreams of her at night , he comes to the point that when having sex with his mistress, he imagines his wife and therefore sometimes calls his mistress by his wife’s name, and this indicates a loss of control over his feelings!
The “her or me!” stage. Ultimatum.
Not every lover decides to take this strong but dangerous remedy - an ultimatum. In my other article I will tell you how to correctly and incorrectly give an ultimatum to a lover who has left you, but here I will just say that an ultimatum is completely useless in two cases - when it is delivered too early and when it is delivered too late. Mistresses usually sin with an early ultimatum.
At the early ultimatum, the lover always chooses his mistress (which will not prevent him from leaving for his wife later), since nothing is clear to him with his wife; at the later stage, he leaves for his wife. Therefore, without mastering the ultimatum method and not understanding the mechanism of its action, it is better for the mistress not to use it at all.
Waiting stage. Final.
Waiting seems safe to mistresses and therefore it is used much more often than active actions. Indeed, there seems to be nothing to worry about - the beloved is nearby, he actively has sex in the morning and evening, whispers words of love, goes to work and returns “home” bringing a salary to her, and not to his wife, he only goes “there” to the children, goes openly and never lingers, the “ex” is cold and distant towards him, there is no communication between them, and every minute she will divorce him... and therefore the unexpected departure of his lover to his wife is perceived as a bolt from the blue! Especially if this is leaving in strict accordance with the canons of returning the husband by the method of detachment - he went to the children (an option is to talk about divorce) and stayed there forever!
Resume.
Although I have omitted many different small stages and nuances of the behavior of the departed husband through the eyes of his mistress (so that the article does not grow into a book in length), from the above it becomes clear that no matter what the mistress does, no matter how hard she tries in her struggle for her lover, all her actions, as well as inaction only enhance the effect of the detachment method!
In fact, a mistress who has not been specially trained will never come up with the only thing on her own. correct order actions that would help her overcome her cunning and treacherous wife! The wife will benefit in any case - even if suddenly her husband does not return to her, then in the process of detachment she will get rid of her dependence on him and will be able to build new relationships and new love! In my opinion, this is even much preferable.
The mistress is always a loser - even if the lover stays with her, he will remain a dissatisfied, insecure man who lost an important battle for himself and blames his mistress for this. Most often, the husband who has been subjected to the method of separation and has not returned to his wife also leaves his mistress.
Final conversation.
So, the moment has come when you physically can no longer maintain a distance between you and your husband and there is no way to get away from a decisive conversation with him. This conversation will take place on his initiative, he will arrange everything in such a way that you will have nowhere else to retreat and, most importantly, this conversation will be unexpected for you. Therefore, you should prepare for it in advance.
When should you start preparing for the final conversation?
There is no need to rush into this. If you start preparing immediately after your husband leaves, you can wear yourself out with all these endless “what if”..., “what if...”, “and I...”, “and he...”, besides The method of getting your husband back through detachment involves a ban on thoughts and thoughts about him, this is a very important condition.
The best time to prepare for a conversation will be the stage at which the husband’s attempts to talk, find out something, explain something become constant. You will even already predict that today or tomorrow he will call again, write, or when he comes to the children he will begin to reduce the conversation to relationships and the current situation.
This is a clear signal for you that it’s time to decide on the requirements for the husband you want to return. Yes, yes, this is exactly so - all the work of returning falls on him alone, and you give in to his pressure by putting forward clear, specific and purely material demands on which you agree to give him another chance!
Your requirements.
Think over them thoroughly, break them down into precise, specific points, do not mix essentially different things into one point of requirements (for example, children separately, you yourself separately), there should not be many points, otherwise they will merge together and then it will be difficult to track them in practice .
What to demand and what not to demand?
Throw away all your emotions, all your emotional wounds, emotional demands like “for you to love me, just like before, I want everything to go back to how it was after the wedding” - it’s very easy to make these promises to men, and then it’s impossible to ask them for it :
You promised to love me!
- But I love you, fool!
That's all.
The requirements must be of a purely material nature. Include in your requirements everything that your husband has not done before, but you would like him to do some housework or behave in a certain way.
For example: take out the trash, always, don’t stay late at work, never, take the children to school or kindergarten, pick them up, I will rest alone once a year, and so on, depending on your desires.
This is your chance, only in your will to give your husband the opportunity to continue family relationships with you, you will never have a second such moment with this person, so think about what you want to receive from him and demand it from him clearly, categorically, harshly!
The husband has no right to any conditions, reservations, or even less demands.
Do not even allow him to open his mouth with these reservations or corrections of his - he must humbly ask you on his knees, and you royally proclaim your will. If he raises a voice, argues, bargains, stop the conversation immediately. Don’t listen to any of his claims and excuses - it’s he who cheated on you, and not you to him, it’s he who left you for another woman, and not you who left him for another man, it’s he who asks to come back, but you don’t really want to let him in again him into your life, at least not the person he is now, and therefore you demand changes in behavior from him!
“You must behave as I said, but I will behave as I want. Don’t like it? Get out!”
Punishment for disobedience.
Voice the consequences that he will receive if he does not fulfill at least once at least one point of the requirements you have presented, and this consequence should be an immediate legal divorce. Yes, exactly like that, as harshly as possible, there is no need to stand on ceremony with a cheater; having sensed your weakness in at least something, in a couple of months he will regain the position of the central planet around which his two small moons will revolve - you and his mistress, with whom he has " only friendly relations”, cannot “leave her just like that”, “we only communicate without sex” and similar gum, which returning husbands very often chew.
He must return immediately!
Leave his relationship with his mistress until last, when he accepts all your specific material demands. He must leave her immediately, right now, with whatever he has, no taking away things, let him leave everything there, and if he has already stolen something really necessary, like documents, then he will take it later - if you accept your cheating husband back into the family, then he must leave right now in what he has! This is a very important condition!
“Either you come back right now, or I don’t need you anymore at all” - that’s your position!
Don’t let him explain himself to his mistress, don’t give him any deadlines for leaving, all these games will not lead to anything good.
If the husband suddenly showed indecisiveness.
The manifestation of indecisiveness on the part of the husband when voicing your demands should be regarded as dishonesty, insincerity of his intentions to “start all over again.” Most likely he wants everything to be as before - I live with my wife and fuck my mistress. This, by the way, is the most common reason for a cheating husband returning home - a wife is usually much better at everyday life than an incompetent mistress who has never been married or has already lost the habit of constantly caring for a man over the years of loneliness.
In this case, the conversation should be interrupted and left, and if it takes place at your home (the worst option, the best is a neutral territory, such as a cafe, but you do not choose the place), then immediately send him out without listening to any of his excuses. As I said above, the traitor is not in a position to put forward any conditions or demand anything.
First small addition.
There is no man in the world who, when he came to his deceived wife to ask to return to the family, would be ready to meet not tears, not hysterics, not an emotional storm, but calm, cold and purely material demands. At first he will be confused, will blink his eyes and look at you with the look of an offended baby. But soon he will get his act together and start bargaining! Here you will see a completely different person, not at all the one who ran after you asking for your mercy, begging you for a “second chance”
Rest assured that he took care to put on fresh underpants and took some Viagra, counting on reconciliatory sex, but he certainly did not expect to meet clear conditions that made his return the only possible one!
Don’t deviate from your position even a millimeter, don’t show weakness towards a person who has no longer spared you and sacrificed you to his lust, don’t let him not only dictate his terms, but even breathe too loudly!
Second small addition.
It may happen that in the process of using the method of detachment to return your husband from your mistress, you suddenly realize that in essence you do not want to return him, that you no longer need him! Wonderful! This means you have gotten over this whole situation and are open to new ones. love relationship, honest, full of love, loyalty and care for each other, as the relationship between two loving people should actually be.
Sometimes such an epiphany occurs right during the final conversation, when victory is either very close or even completely in your hands. This amazing insight, which lifts you to a new level of personal development, is accompanied by a special, very pleasant state of consciousness, similar at the same time to amazement, and to an incredibly clear, somehow divine understanding of the theatricality of everything that is happening, some special charm and cheerful laughter - “And I want to return this pathetic, lustful creature, bargaining for every point of return, living with some whore, sleeping in her bed and eating her food? I, who loves herself so much, will I live and sleep with THIS? "
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Remember, it doesn't matter that your original goal was to get your husband back. You are not obligated to return him or continue to live with him. Moreover, there will be no happiness in this life for you anyway. Therefore, if you have grown to the point where you can leave him, do so without hesitation!
Probably, the triangle of relationships, in which three are tied: husband, wife and mistress, will never lose relevance. This problem will always be a story for romantic works, films and various kinds of manuals like “how to discourage men from leaving for their mistresses” or “how to take your beloved away from your wife.” At all times, ladies on opposite sides of the barricades return to the same questions.
Sometimes it’s hard to imagine what you can do to fight for your loved one. Mistresses try to take him away, and wives try to keep him, and luck often turns out to be on the side of the latter - the men return. But they very rarely listen to their feelings in this matter. For the sake of their mistress, they are in no hurry to put their usual life on the line, which apparently has long been boring. What is the reason for this strong attachment to the hearth and home?
From childhood, mothers instill in many girls the unchangeable truth that falling in love with a married man will not result in grief, and she will not take him away from the family. This kind of connection has always caused public condemnation. But with the well-known axiom “you can’t order your heart” - nothing can be done. Until the last moment, the girls do not lose hope that their married lover will leave the family for her.
Below we would like to give three true stories about how husbands first decided to leave their wives, and then returned to them.
Disappointment in everyday life
Tatyana told her friend that she had fallen head over heels in love with a wonderful man, but there was one problem, he was married and had a 17-year-old daughter. But she noted that this problem was completely solvable for her; she was confident that she would be able to take the stranger away.
Tatyana did not pay any attention to her friend’s skeptical attitude towards this whole situation and her arrogance. After all, she repeated the mistake of thousands of women. And I didn’t want to think about how to part with married man the one you love.
All of Dmitry’s friends (that was the name of her lover) claimed that Tanya’s rival did not have the best character and he never felt happy with her. Moreover, his daughter is quite an adult. Tatyana was convinced that after a 20-year marriage, love simply could not survive. In addition, his wife was much older.
This time Tatyana was lucky, for her sake Dmitry left the family, and everything seemed to be fine with them, but for the time being.
Six months after the wedding, she began to worry and suspect that her husband had a mistress, because Dmitry began to come home late, and in general something changed in their relationship. She has already begun to believe that a man who cheated on his first woman is capable of cheating on his second and third.
But the biggest shock was that this very rival turned out to be none other than his ex-wife. Dmitry explained that his wife and daughter need his help in household matters, and since they are not strangers to him, he cannot help but help.
At first Tatyana calmed down and decided that this was a forgivable reason and was not against him continuing to help them. But over time, the relationship began to change more and more for the worse.
One fine day, Dmitry openly admitted that he could not live without his home and family. Tatyana, naturally, got angry and screamingly invited him to return to his ex, but deep down she was sure that he would not go anywhere. What happened surprised and upset her: her lover packed up and left.
Subsequently, he made excuses that Tatyana was better... but his wife was dear to him, like a sister or mother, that he could not erase her from his life. And most importantly, he said that he was used to her food and evening tea with lemon.
Mistresses are usually sure that the most difficult thing is to take a man away from the family and become his new family. But it's not that simple. As practice shows, the hardest thing is to keep someone else’s husband next to you. According to statistics, 70 men out of 100 who leave their families soon return. Everyday changes are very scary. At first they are held back by passion, and when it diminishes, an irrepressible longing for their former home awakens. No matter how much effort a mistress puts in, she will always be second and will never be able to create the same living conditions as a wife. After all, she is a different person, with different foundations and habits. The new wife can do everything much better than her ex, but she won’t be able to do it like she does, no matter how hard you try. Household habits - main reason, why men return to the family.
Pregnancy manipulation
Alexey, at the age of 28, met a young woman beautiful girl, who was 19, her name was Svetlana. But at that time he was in a civil marriage with a woman who was his age. But, according to him, they never had extraterrestrial love, and besides, they could not have a child.
A week after they met, Svetlana and Alexei began a wild romance. Although the salary was small, he gave his new lover expensive gifts and luxurious flowers. In the end, he promised to soon confess to his common-law wife that he fell in love with someone else.
But even a year later this recognition did not take place. Alexey found himself a bunch of excuses, like any man. This forced Svetlana to take the most extreme measures. I decided to stop taking birth control pills. And naturally, after some time, she told her beloved that she was pregnant.
Not for a second did she lose the confidence that Alexey would be happy, because he dreamed of a child, but the reaction was not joyful. He promised that he would help her and the baby, but he would not leave his common-law wife, since he could not make her unhappy.
The problem is that only 5% of men are able to leave the family. Unfortunately, for the stronger sex, the concepts of love and marriage are separated, when for women they are one and the same. Loving woman wants to be everything for her husband and wife, and mistress, and best friend. For men, “Love” is about intimacy and fun, not life together. For them, marriage is a way of life to which they are accustomed. After all, if everything suits them, they do not consider it necessary to divorce for the sake of new love. A man's habit is much stronger than love. They can always tell their mistresses that they will leave for them forever, but most often this is a lie. And Svetlana made a mistake in the way she wanted to take Alexei away. As practice shows, men do not leave their families because of this, but can fulfill their fatherly responsibilities in an exemplary manner.
Possessive instinct
Victor married early, at the age of 20, and not out of great love. His lover married someone else, and the girl in whom he sought solace unexpectedly became pregnant. The young people got married, and after a while they had twins. Everything was calm until he met his previous love, Irina, at a meeting of classmates. By that time she had already been divorced twice.
Of course, the old feelings flared up again, as usually happens. They started dating again, and his wife Yulia guessed about it, but at first she preferred not to pay attention to it. As a result, Irina insisted that he get a divorce and move in with her. Victor did just that. Surprisingly, the current wife did not even resist.
All the time he went to his former home, like a decent father, to communicate with his beloved children and help his wife around the house. One day, in his wife’s house, he saw a stranger who was clearly attracted to his ex-wife. This is where feelings came into play, he scolded his ex-wife, but they heard the expected answer. Julia reminded him that it was he who left her for someone else.
To the surprise of both parties, after some time, Victor told Irina that he agreed to be only a lover for her, and that he was returning to the family.
No matter how prosaic it may be, men have a sense of ownership in their blood. They believe that they have every right to have mistresses, but even their ex-halves have no right to even think about it. It often happens that husbands return to ex-wives when they find out that someone is joining them.
The stronger sex has different requirements for a wife and a mistress; the former must be faithful, but the mistress must be beautiful.