A variety of, sometimes even unimaginable, situations can happen in a person’s life. And we cannot even imagine what awaits us tomorrow. In everyday troubles and worries, we rarely think about our security. Usually we begin to “cross ourselves” and “spread straw” when thunder is already thundering over our heads and we have to retreat not to prepared positions, but into unknown darkness. More often than not, it seems like you are falling into an abyss. In the song we all know, there are these words: “...love will unexpectedly come, and every evening will immediately become surprisingly good.” And when trouble unexpectedly strikes, what then? Then the sun fades for us, the earth begins to disappear from under our feet, and it seems to us that no one and nothing can help us.
When a person is unhappy, he becomes vulnerable and troubles “stick” like a magnet. Usually in such cases we say that trouble does not come alone. A confused person begins to be tormented by two primordially Slavic questions: “What to do?” and “Who is to blame?” More precisely, on the contrary: “Who is to blame?” and only then - “What to do?” As always, most of us begin to analyze the situation by looking for someone to blame for our misfortunes, rather than by constructive thoughts and steps.
My first rule, which life taught me, is that there is no need to look for those to blame, you need to forgive everyone, you can blame anyone, but first of all you need to blame yourself. Strength will be needed to search and fight, for the necessary exit and recovery.
You can blame the whole world for your troubles, then huddle in a corner and wait for everything to resolve itself. Usually they do this, because they do not try to deal with the problems that have arisen, but only try to “forget” them, putting them on the farthest shelf in the subconscious in the hope that a wizard will fly in and a miracle will happen, and the problem will disappear on its own. But nothing good will happen in this case. Therefore, parents must create a relationship based on the child’s trust in them in order to be aware of problems and always come to the rescue in time and indicate a way out of this situation.
You must pull yourself together. Get your act together. Start analyzing the situation. Call everyone you can for help. Never think that your problems are indifferent to your loved ones. After all, they love you and will definitely help you with advice and concrete action. There must be a person nearby who will lend their shoulder to you. Alas, this does not always happen.
The Bible says: “Forgive and it will be given to you” - remember? You need to ask not only your family, friends and acquaintances. First of all, pray for help to the Lord and your highest patrons. If you don't have your own temple, try to find one. If possible, go around all the temples that are nearby and you will want to stay in some of them.
Maybe you will find your place in an icon close to your soul, in the only temple near your home. You will find this place, your soul will tell you, it will definitely respond to it. The main thing you need to do is go and ask. Sincerely ask for forgiveness, help and intercession from your patrons. It is better to read prayers (and if you are an atheist, then affirmations) than to delve into sad thoughts or become discouraged. In other words, try to control your thoughts. If you are unable to think about something productive, read prayers and your consciousness will gradually begin to clear up, and the necessary decisions, ideas, assumptions and hopes will appear in your head.
You need to learn to relax emotionally and physically. Try meditation. You can relax in your favorite ways. You can concentrate your attention
Firstly, on how you breathe;
Secondly, how your body relaxes. First, tense all your muscles, and then relax. Do this gradually, starting with the soles of your feet and ending with the neck and facial muscles;
Thirdly, on some image or sound. Perhaps it will be the image of falling snow, which decorates the earth, or the sound of the surf. Robin Sharma's book "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" describes the "admiring the rose" technique.
If you wish and with the capabilities of the Internet, you can choose many such techniques - choose which one suits you best. Yoga can help well, no matter where you practice at home or in a specially created club. Choose the exercises you like and perform them to the accompaniment of pleasant music. For relaxation, there are also special recordings with the sounds of nature: the sound of rain, the sound of the sea surf.
Water. Yes, ordinary water, or rather water treatments. Try to take the baths you like, for example, there are relaxing, soothing, pine, sea salt and aromatic oils, etc. Make a holiday for your soul and body, go to the sauna or Russian bath. Swim in the pool, feel like a goldfish, and through the strain on your muscles, your nerves and thoughts will come into order. A douche and a shower will help you relax, calm and strengthen you.
Walks. If you have someone to walk and talk with, that's good. And if there is no such interlocutor, it’s okay, you can take a walk alone. But choose a medium or fast pace of movement, it should depend on how trained you are, and come back with a little muscle fatigue. Choose a route so that you can walk by the river, in the park, or walk along quiet streets.
Good effect on our psychological condition plant care: planting trees, transplanting seedlings, weeding and other chores. If you do not have the opportunity to work in the garden beds, then look through books, magazines, catalogs on gardening and floriculture, and admire the beauty of nature.
There is another great way to distract yourself from difficult and unpleasant situations - watch your favorite movies, read books that give you pleasure.
If you have accumulated a lot of problems and your health has deteriorated, but you have no time to deal with them, start right now. You need to start with a course of preventive treatment for your illness, even if there is no exacerbation. After all, it manifests itself in a stressful situation, when the disease is chronic, and then it is not worth delaying treatment.
Shopping is a great way to overcome the stress of difficult life circumstances; it is well suited for both women and men. We advise you to go shopping, find what you dreamed of (a unique set of knitting needles or a spinning rod for fishing) or spontaneously treat yourself to some incredible gift.
When you like something, buy it right now and be happy. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s gold earrings, a diamond ring, a stylish suit, tie, car or... a toy. Please yourself, but if the desire does not arise, then please your loved one, child or anyone around you.
You need to fulfill your intangible dream. If you have long dreamed of jumping with a parachute, walking barefoot in the snow, planting a garden, riding a yacht, standing on your head, giving away boring things, learning to play the piano, getting a turtle or a puppy, going to Venice or the countryside? Take action now.
The main thing is not to focus your attention on the problem, do not give yourself entirely to it, but realize the opportunity to put your thoughts and feelings in order. Analyze everything and take a reasonable step to resolve the situation or realize the need for your existence in other circumstances.
Through prayer, nature walks, meditation, pool activities, flower gardening, and watching your favorite movies, your consciousness will gradually lead you to Right way. All unpleasant circumstances will turn the other way towards you and then joyful and necessary events will begin for you. Your life will begin to change in better side, there will be a great opportunity and chance for success.
Thanks to the Lord's guidance, with the help of loved ones and your calm and positive mood, a door will open to you that you had never even imagined existed.
This door will help you not only get out of a difficult situation, but will also become the entrance to your new, exciting, beautiful and happy life.
From time to time we are faced with situations and circumstances that seem either difficult to resolve or completely unsolvable. In such cases, despairing of finding a way out of the current situation, we especially urgently need an objective and sober look from the outside. But where to find it, this interested and thoughtful opinion? Where can we find a truly wise person who, in difficult times, will help us along this only path, Ariadne’s thread, and tell us how to break out of the vicious circle?
We very often entrust this important decision to our loved ones or friends. This has its advantages. First of all, we certainly trust them. Secondly, one can hope that their “outside view” will be more accurate in assessing the situation. And thirdly, we simply don’t know who else we can turn to for help. The disadvantages of such a solution are also obvious: it is unlikely that the decision of your loved ones will be the best - if only because they do not know the full depth of the problem, all its shades and nuances. Only you know this. But then what to do in such cases?!
There is an exit. And the most amazing thing is that you know him. You know how to solve the most difficult problem, how to find a way out of the most difficult and confusing situation. There is a solution. And if it’s not easy for you to believe this, then think about how you are looking for keys that are not in their usual place. You know they are at home. You know for sure that they are somewhere. It is also obvious to you that sooner or later you will find them. But where are they?
In order to find a solution to a problem that defies the most desperate logic, we need to take a paradoxical path: to make it seem as if the problem has a solution, as in school textbooks on physics and algebra all the answers to the problems are given. All you have to do is find the corresponding pages where all these solutions are contained and select the current answer. And in order to find these pages with answers to all our questions, we will need the so-called wise man technique: psychological exercise, which will allow us to reduce the search for solutions to the most complex everyday problems to a minimum.
The wise man technique is performed only once, and after that you get answers to any, most difficult questions living arrangements. However, for this to actually happen, the technique must be performed very carefully and seriously. It consists in the fact that you create in your imagination the image of a wise person who helps you solve all your problems. This image accompanies you in the future, like a talisman. He will be like a genie that you can summon from the bottle in difficult times. And he will always come to your aid as soon as you ask him for it.
How is a wise person created? A person’s imagination is so strong that he can come up with almost anything he can imagine. If you want to take a moment to imagine what a pink Christmas tree would look like, you can do it. You can easily create the desired pictures and images. You can also remember and reproduce the sounds of your favorite melodies, hum their tune to yourself. You can hear a voice: male or female, loud or quiet, high or low. If you wish, you can see a picture and hear how it might sound: for example, a ball that bounces on the floor not only has a certain color and shape, but also makes a certain sound when it bounces off the floor. We do all this thousands of times every day: we imagine pictures, hear voices, and we can even see a full-color movie with our own participation.
In order to create a wise person, you will need exactly the ability to see with your inner eye and hear with your inner ear that you have. You don't need anything supernatural or mind-blowing. Wisdom, as a rule, is measuredness, smoothness and calmness in everything. However, if your wise man is dressed in orange jeans and his hair is dyed viscous Blue colour, then I wouldn’t be surprised at all. Because your wise person can be anything you want. He may have a beard or no beard, he may be a woman or a man. This person may be aged or, on the contrary, very young. If only it satisfied one thing important rule: The appearance of this person fully corresponds to your idea of wisdom and enlightenment.
It may take you several hours to create a wise person. Do not regret it, it will bring you great benefits, which can then be calculated in months and years, if we are talking about the time we spend searching for this or that solution. It is best if no one disturbs you during these hours, and you can be alone with yourself, alone with your wise person. If you have found such an opportunity, you can proceed directly to performing the technique.
Step number one. You will need a pen and a piece of paper. Prepare all this and then try to relax. You don’t need to do anything, you can sit quietly in a chair or even lie down. You will need to remember something from your past experiences, and this will be easy, since you will have to remember pleasant things. Please remember several cases in your life when you found a way out of a difficult situation. They can be anything, take the most obvious ones that come to your mind. How did you feel in those moments when you broke the vicious circle, when the situation was successfully resolved? Also tell yourself your role and merit: what exactly did you come up with so that everything fell into place? As soon as you remember it and say it, mentally put a tick or cross, as people do when winding a thread around their hand or drawing signs on the palm of their hand to remember it - and follow on to another case with a similar result. Your task is to remember five (or more) such cases and mentally put crosses: they say, we remembered, we remember. Once everything is ready, write it all down on a piece of paper. Formulate something like this: “I did this and that, and my problem was successfully resolved.” Or: “I came up with such and such, and after that everything fell into place.”
Step two. Exist different types wise people, and for each person they can be very different. Some people are convinced by a beard, others by horn-rimmed glasses. The mind can be emphasized by certain clothes, age, or the presence of some details. Knowing this, fantasize about what he is like - your wise man? What would he look like if you met him? How would he be dressed? Perhaps he even reminds you of someone? What would his voice sound like? Fantasize boldly, freely, listen to your feelings. You can make notes on a piece of paper, recording its most important features or qualities. You can draw it if you know how to draw at least a little. You should also determine a meeting place with your wise man. Perhaps it will be a quiet darkened office, or a hot desert, or autumn forest. If you can't imagine something, just think about what it would look like if you could do it. Thank God it's easy to think about what people or things might look like. It's easy to think about what your wise man would look like.
At the end of the second step, you will have a complete picture of your wise man. You will also know the place of your meeting with him: a place that you can always either imagine or think about him so that it fills your attention. You can also describe a wise person on paper. Do not mince words, describe it in as much detail as possible.
Step three. Once you can imagine your wise man whenever you need it (just close your eyes and go to him, or let him come to you, or he will just appear in front of you as soon as you think about it), come back to your list of those things and situations in which you found a good solution and got out safely, and add another such situation to this list. This will be easy, since we find a lot of similar solutions in our lives. Repeat everything in exactly the same way: remember what a good solution you came up with, how you felt immediately after the situation was resolved, put a mental cross, as in previous cases, and then add this case to the list.
Step four. After completing step number three, try to relax again: lean back in your chair or lie down. Close your eyes and think about that difficult situation which exists in the present tense. Focus on it for a moment, that will be enough. After this, meet with your wise man, and as soon as he appears in front of you, ask him one question: what should you do in this situation?
Once you ask your wise man a question, you will receive an answer instantly. It can be of any property: memory, image, picture, voice, phrase, and any other. Think about what you have received. You can write it down, draw it, or say it out loud. Did you get some important information, which contains the answer to your question. All you have to do is understand what the wise man wanted to say by giving you this information.
In the future, when you meet again with a wise person, you can agree with him on ways to exchange information. You can find out what his name is, and for this you just need to ask him about it. You can also hear his voice, and then when you ask your questions, you will just have to listen to what he has to say. It may be that when you meet, you don’t hear a voice, but you have thoughts that answer your questions. These are the answers of your wise man. Don't forget to thank him for meeting with you and trying to help you.
There are no restrictions for meeting a wise person. You can contact him for help at any time you see fit. After each meeting with him, also pay attention to the dream you had. In a dream you can receive very important information that will help you accept correct solution. Good luck to you! And thanks to your wise man, whom you will meet in the very near future. Thanks to him for listening to all this carefully.
How often, getting into difficult situation, requiring a strong-willed decision or the elimination of problems, we begin to think that this is what it is - a Hopeless Situation. Having once believed that there is no way out of your situation, you allow pessimism and self-pity to take over, and you find yourself in a vicious circle of your own and. I propose an alternative approach - to believe that there is always a way out, and more than one, you just need to make an effort to see it. The bulk of these efforts will be aimed at maintaining a positive attitude and maintaining faith in a successful resolution of the situation.
So, there are no hopeless situations – that’s a fact. What then happens - what do we accept as “no-win conditions”?
- The need to make a decision. It's complicated, scary and requires taking responsibility for the choice made and its consequences. If the choice is wrong, there will be no one to blame but ourselves, so our consciousness closes in and pretends that there is no way out, and we, in turn, play along with it. Convincing yourself that nothing depends on you - approach weak person. Take courage and remind yourself that control is always in your hands - yes, you can make a mistake, but this is your decision, independent and balanced, and, therefore, you are an adult and responsible person.
What to do:
- – mistakes are your personal, invaluable experience, which you can always use for the benefit of your development.
- Use our advice - take control of your life into your own hands, don’t be a victim.
- Fear of change can paralyze even a person who is smart and developed in all respects. This is human nature - it is more comfortable for him to exist in conditions of certainty, but everything the unknown is scary and has a much lower level of comfort. Refusing to do something out of fear that your life will change is not stupid, but it is terribly ineffective. Change is always for the better - repeat this to yourself day and night until you believe it, and then you will discover that you mistakenly believed your situation was hopeless.
What to do:
- Change it to something constructive, and your life will pick up a new pace of development, just like you.
- Read - these brave souls changed not only themselves and their lives, but also the world in which we live. Isn’t this an incentive to joyfully plunge into the coming changes?
- Convenience of a “home place”. A person can adapt to any conditions, even the most destructive and uncomfortable ones. Being in a dysfunctional marriage or working in a job where you are humiliated and unappreciated, and justifying it by saying that there is no other way out, means indulge one's complexes and low self-esteem. If self-esteem is very low, a person may even remain in a relationship where violence is used against him - because it is convenient, convenient from his point of view. Trying to change the situation and move away from the role that you are used to playing is difficult, but necessary.
What to do:
- Work with - without this work, any attempts to move forward will be short-lived and will entail a return to previous circumstances.
- To understand and accept that you deserve more and better - for this you need.
- Some people try to pass off banal laziness as a hopeless situation. If a person does not want to make any efforts to find a solution, he directs them to looking for excuses. Excuses invented for others are gradually accepted on faith and consciousness, and now the person is sincerely convinced that in his circumstances there is no way out. But you just need to want to change your life and direct your efforts in the right direction.
What to do:
- Learn - no one will do it for you.
- Work towards a promotion - just work, not try or try.
- The pleasure of complaining. It is typical for many people to complain about their bitter fate, evil people around them and unfortunate circumstances instead of doing something do. The goal is to get confirmation from others that you are right - “there is no way out, I’m unhappy, I didn’t have a chance, considering the kind of childhood I had...”.
What to do:
- Stop whining!
- Find out why and how to channel your energy from complaints into real action.
- Reverence for standards. “It’s customary” is the worst excuse for inaction. By whom it is accepted, why and why this should be reflected in your life, it does not matter at all if you decide to justify your “hopeless” situation with someone else’s opinion, traditions and established practices. In this world, neither those around you, nor the rulers of states, nor anyone else don't define you, only you! You yourself determine where the limit of your capabilities is, so call them limitless, limitless, instead of hiding behind the notorious “this is how it is done.”
What to do:
- , even though it’s new and scary, you need it.
- Use technology to release energy and direct it to creation.
Of course, first of all, I write these tips to remind myself that there are no hopeless situations, but I also want to convey this to you. They really don’t exist; there are difficult ones, which are points of our growth if we choose the path of development rather than stagnation.
You should immediately find out from what hopeless situations in life you can look for a way out? Those in which the law takes “concern” for continued existence into its own hands are not worth thinking about. There is no way out of such situations - they need to be accepted and adapted.
Here at the stage "adapt" and you will have to mobilize yourself, as they do when the solution to the problem depends on themselves.
What to do in a hopeless situation?
A hopeless situation is a set of problems that seem to grow like a snowball rolling down a mountain. It rarely happens that there is only one problem. Once you sway, the number of troubles increases. The usual practice is that in such a situation a person begins to first of all look for the culprit of what happened, wastes time, and feels sorry for himself.
This is not constructive - in adults, problems rarely resolve on their own, and it is impossible to forget about existing troubles.
For children, the parents can make the decision, but here you have to figure it out yourself. How to find a way out hopeless situation and what to do if everything in life is “bad”?
Where to go in case of serious problems
In case of a hopeless situation, you need to turn to yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and try to analyze what is happening.
Then you should put aside stupid pride and call for help from everyone who can assist in something. These could be close friends, distant ones, former friends. If the situation is really serious, then you should try to find common ground with negative people. Previously, in such cases they used the expression “to ring the alarm.” It is very likely that during communication it will be possible to find a way out of the impasse.
At the same time, it is necessary to draw up an action plan, which includes a realistic assessment of events and the possibility of action.
- You need to take a position - difficulties are necessary in order to prove your worth. This means that you should not cry, but thank fate for the test;
- Next, they write down their thoughts - what they think about what happened, what needs to be done first, what feelings are hidden in the depths of their souls. Sad emotions worth discarding;
- Next, they figure out where to turn in a hopeless situation, collect information, calculate options for solving problems: where to go, what papers are needed, what is preventing them from doing this now...;
- The more options, the better. Let some of them be the most fantastic, but they can also contain crumbs of truth. You need to come up with at least 15-20 options. You can even dream how "it will be all plain sailing". Your soul will feel lighter;
- They outline the schedule for appeals and going to authorities - sometimes it is necessary to draw up a minute-by-minute schedule in order to be on time everywhere;
- You need to try to recruit assistants who will provide at least minimal assistance. It won’t take much time to bring in a piece of paper, and why not ask a friend who works next to you? the right office or organization.
Having drawn up a detailed action plan, you need to fully mobilize yourself to achieve success and not deviate from your plans. But alternative situations should always be considered - if the plan fails, actions are adjusted.
Psychological problems
When wondering whether there is a way out of a hopeless situation, we must not forget about psychological problems, which appeared after realizing the gravity of the situation. You should steer yourself away from depression, which often appears when you realize your own powerlessness or in stressful situations.
You can't isolate yourself. We need to try to reach out to people. These can be old friends and barely familiar people - let life be in full swing around you.
Next, you should act according to your own character. Some people need to speak out, others need to try to put their worries away. You can advise turning to God, going to church - communication with religion helps ease the soul.
But you shouldn’t go to extremes on the path of knowledge - there are sects that find “victims” among desperate people, so you shouldn’t blindly trust new acquaintances. If you had to leave for a while active life, you should take this as a gift of fate. While you have the opportunity, you need to play sports, educate yourself, expand your intellect, go to the hairdresser and change your image. This will help you become more creative and achieve future success.
Everyone has their own methods of overcoming obstacles:
- go to nature;
- arrange shopping;
- constantly visit noisy companies;
- Internet communication.
If you have a dream, now is the time to realize it.
Jumping with a parachute or from a tower, throwing junk out of the house, making peace with an enemy or getting a dog - a “feat” will force you to mobilize to fight difficulties. You need to make your own existence as easy as possible in order to “emerge” full of strength in the future.
There are 3 ways out of crisis situations - you need to choose the best one for yourself.
- Look for solutions to the current problem, having first understood why it arose;
- Accept the situation and just go with the flow without making any effort to overcome it. Designate the crisis as a passed stage, and in the future do not focus on the past, trying to forget quickly. Yes, you have to come to terms with a lot, but sometimes this is the only way out to avoid serious losses and not change the circumstances to which you are accustomed.
This method is worth dwelling on in more detail. Family situation. If you don’t want to change the current way of life, then there’s no point in fighting for a “partner.” Most likely, he is waiting for the first step. There will be no step, everything will end on its own.
Work problems. It is very difficult to just tell a person to quit. If he himself does not begin to recognize and “twitch”, then the indecisive boss retreats for a while, and in the future the conversation may not take place at all.
No matter who you are and no matter what you achieve, trouble can always happen, and you will feel like life will never get better. However, remember that it's your attitude that matters, and here's how you can change it.
Zen Buddhist adept and Harvard professor Robert Waldinger, who leads a study on adult development, followed 724 men for 75 years to understand what makes our lives happy.
It turns out that the basis of happiness is inclusion in a community and healthy relationships. To feel happy, you need to live surrounded by people who are ready to help.
Here are six ways to cope strong emotions which often accompany life's difficulties. Sometimes they don't help directly solve the problem, but they provide clarity of vision, and that's a lot. Regardless of the outcome, your decisions will not be out of fear - they will be informed.
1. Stop Negative Self-Talk
The first step is to let go of limiting delusions, but it is equally important to stop negative self-talk by asking yourself:
- What facts for and against are available to me?
- Am I relying on facts or my own interpretations?
- Perhaps I'm jumping to negative conclusions?
- How do I know if my thoughts are true?
- Is it possible to look at this situation differently?
- Is the situation really as dire as I think it is?
- Does this mindset help me achieve my goals?
Sometimes it is enough to admit that you are indulging in self-deprecation to look at the problem from a different perspective.
2. Don't lose perspective
Your problem today in the context of your whole life is a mere trifle, it does not define you as a person, it is not a reflection of your entire history, your strengths and achievements.
We often see only what is right in front of us, forgetting about all the past positive experiences. Keep it in your head complete image in your life and ask yourself:
- What's the worst that could happen? Is this likely?
- What about the best?
- What is most likely to happen?
- What will this mean in five years?
- Perhaps I am making too much of this issue?
3. Learn from your reactions
“Between stimulus and response there is a gap, in this gap we have the freedom to choose our reaction. Our development and happiness depend on this choice,” Viktor Frankl.
How do you respond to a problem? What advice would you give to your partner in this situation? to the best friend? At every moment we can completely control our reaction to any stimulus, and today psychology knows five ways to improve control over the reaction in a difficult situation:
- Think about what kind of person you would like to become
- Think about the meaning and origin of your reactions
- See the results of your actions
- Imagine the best answer
- Learn to treat yourself with compassion
4. Learn from the other party's reactions.
Harvard researchers have shown that using empathy in disagreements is essential for conflict resolution and is a critical prerequisite for successful negotiation outcomes.
5. Assess the situation from the perspective of an outside observer
If you are an observer, then you can step outside the situation, put aside your emotions and observe your reaction.
With this level of self-awareness, even when you are in the middle of a conflict, you are aware of yourself and can separate your personality from the situation.
6. Look outside for help.
In any situation when own experience lacking, seek wise advice. Put your ego aside and ask for critical perspectives and constructive feedback, and once you've accomplished the task, help others learn from your experience.
Remember that you and your problem are not a single whole. The problem is just one aspect of your journey, and it is also a source of growth. Don't run away from challenges, because they make us better. And when it seems that everything is lost, remember: this too shall pass.
Prepared by Taya Aryanova