Advertisement in the newspaper:
"I'm looking for a husband! Smoking, drinking, partying! I believe that spouses should have common interests!"
She picks up the phone and hears:
- Katya, is that you?
- Yes.
- Katya, a few days ago I behaved with you like an animal, unceremoniously, boorishly, and committed vile debauchery against you. In fact
I'm not like that. I beg you, Katya, forgive me!
- I forgive you. Who is this?
A man comes to work with a black eye. He is asked:
- Where did the black eye come from?
- Yes, my wife hit me.
- For what?
- Yes, I called her YOU.
- But they don’t beat you for it. How was it?
- Yes, we are lying in bed. She tells me:
- We haven’t made love for a long time.
And I answer her:
- Not WE, but YOU..
The daughter’s father, noticing that her belly is rounder, asks her boyfriend:
- So will you marry my daughter or not?
- Class! Little did I know that I still had a choice!
The main topics of jokes: politics, show business, television...
- And the Jews?
- I said: politics, show business, television...
Ukraine measured the level of radiation on the streets of the country and in once again declared itself a nuclear power.
Mat is punctuation marks in oral speech.
For the Western mentality, the main thing is achieving the goal.
For the Eastern mentality, the main thing is the process of achieving the goal.
For the Russian mentality, the main thing is the constant washing of the process of achieving the goal.
Which end of the rope should you throw to a drowning deputy?
- Both.
How did you decide to marry her?
- Yes, how - they sat, talked, in the end I no longer knew
what to talk to her about
She: I miss you very much..
Him: For complete happiness or just for good measure?
It's hard to have a harem.
- Why?
- Just imagine that you have to explain 2345 times where you were hanging around
all night.
What did you drink yesterday? I couldn't tear you off the floor!
- Is it really glue?!
The kids of the new Russians are talking.
- And my father gave me a villa in the Canary Islands for an A in geometry!
- Bullshit! Mine paid for a physics test. So she was nominated for
Nobel Prize!
Businessman Roman Abramovich does not like watching action films and detective stories.
He sincerely does not understand the motivation of people who fight and kill each other
friend for some 10 million dollars.
All people are born free and equal. Then some get married.
If you're on a diet, remember golden rule:
I hate it when people watch me eat. I immediately try to eat gracefully and beautifully. And I will definitely either choke or have tea pouring out of my nose...
Some monkey species use their tail as a hand. And it was from these monkeys - the only animals whose arms grow from their butts - that the two Tajiks who laid the tiles in my kitchen came from...
Lord! Give me another suitcase of nerve cells, otherwise the ones you gave at birth are already gone.
Death: I'll come by at 10 tomorrow.
Lexa: Damn, Olya! Change Nick!))
Sometimes you look - a knight in armor! Take a closer look... the idiot in foil...
Interesting observation: the sauce with mushrooms is called, the sauce with garlic is called . And only sauce with horseradish -...
The Paris-Dakar distance is nonsense!!!
The distance between advance payment and salary is a test!
So, son, one small step, one more step. Well done. Masha, quickly bring the camera - my son has returned from graduation)))
If cleaning the house begins with wiping the computer keyboard, then it usually ends there...
My friend and I came to the store. He stayed in the car while I went to get groceries. I didn’t have enough money... I got out, and a gypsy woman was standing by the car and asking a friend for money through the window. I push her aside: “You don’t know how to do shit.” Learn! I put my hand in the window: - Give me 500 rubles! He gives. Gypsy: O-O-O!
Come visit!
- Well, let's get drunk again...
- So what?
- You know how to persuade! I'm on my way!
But my grandfather doesn’t buy me ice cream so that I don’t catch a cold.
-What a caring old miser...(((
I actually think that if I had been born in Ancient Greece, in their myths the goddess of inadequacy would appear...
IN ancient Rus' there was no word “orgasm”, so everyone experienced something wonderful or wonderful...
· Alcohol kills nerve cells. Only the calm ones remain...
· Women's logic is a trauma for the male psyche.
· He died from an excess of feelings, among which the prevailing feelings were hunger, cold and thirst...
· If a blonde has black roots growing, it means the brain is still resisting!
· A woman never notices what is done for her, but she will always notice what is not done for her.
· You can’t be fluffy for everyone - they’ll take you to your collars...
· Lord, do it as I need, not as I want!
· Those who get up early want to sleep all day.
· Set big goals - they are harder to miss!
· Cannibals also believe that people are made for each other.
· If the road has been well repaired, it means the pipes will be replaced soon.
· It is impossible to live in this world. But there is nowhere else.
· An old friend is better than two new ones. With friends it's the other way around.
· I have always been tormented by the question - what stops bad dancers?
· Inaccurate shooting can be compensated for by the diameter of the projectile.
... when I told him that I didn’t want to see him, he turned off the light...
How did you become a millionaire?
- my wife and I came to America with 2 cents. We bought apples with them and sold them for 4 cents. Then we bought more apples with 4 cents and sold them for 8. Then my aunt died and left 2 million as an inheritance... ..
May you draw posters all your life! and so that your last letters always do not fit!!!...
Let's get married
-For what?
-everyone is freaking out
-Let's....
Girls, if you want a traditional grandiose fireworks display on your wedding day, get married on May 9...
Going to work means money...
The little Christmas tree is cold in winter.. COOL IN SPRING... HOT IN SUMMER.. YOU CAN’T PLEASE THE FUCKING TREE!!!..
All people are divided into three categories:
1. night owls (get up and go to bed late).
2. larks (get up and go to bed early).
3. woodpeckers (because of them, owls get up early and larks go to bed late)
I touch the guy’s freckles with my finger and say: “the sun has kissed you”
he replies sullenly: “and my mother says the cockroaches crap on me.”
No one threw change at the girl Masha, because she was not a fountain.
In order for Styopa to eat the soup faster, his mother put an antidote at the bottom of the plate.
A boy with dexterous buttocks takes the belt from his dad during a spanking.
The one-eyed girl is no longer interested in who lives in the birdhouse.
A crane operator with fifteen years of experience cleaned out a toy machine in five minutes.
A professional drummer can easily shake the thermometer down to -12 Celsius.
The pan begins to fry the potatoes immediately after it finishes cooking them.
Having gone with strangers for barbecue, Sveta did not immediately understand why she did not chip in.
A boy whose father ties a scarf in winter can hold his breath for 6 hours.
At the World Championships, a group of German biathletes conquered Poland.
We sat in the kitchen and drank tea, I wanted to ask her to pour me more, but I misspoke and accidentally said: “Bitch! You ruined my whole life!”
On last concert Petrosyan, in despair, rushed to tickle the audience.
Scientists suggest that the main reason for the increase in child cruelty is puzzles with 2000 pieces.
After little Vitya learned to count, dad had to divide the dumplings equally.
The BelAZ driver looks at road signs just out of curiosity.
Found a scythe on a stone: a representative of the Oriflame company rang the doorbell of a Jehovah's Witness.
The film "Alice in Wonderland" is recognized as a documentary in Holland.
The anesthesiologist's wife does not know that her husband is beating her.
Working as a conductor in Moscow, a resident of Mongolia still thinks that he is collecting tribute from the Russians.
Seventy-eight-year-old Klavdia Petrovna knew perfectly well that no one would think of her, so she calmly wrote in the elevator.
* Is porridge in the head food for the mind?
* I sowed the Reasonable, the Good, the Eternal somewhere here - no one found it?
* Why is Aibolit painted in all children's hospitals? He's a veterinarian!
* That’s why when you start fixing something, after 15 minutes you want to do it at least the way it was before?
* Was it Solomon's wisdom that he ignored the advice of all his many wives?
* What is next year's flu virus? Chinese calendar?
* Where can I find stress relief liquid after removing makeup?
* If winning is not the main thing, then why keep score?
* I wonder if it's worth agreeing to plastic surgery at the doctor whose waiting room is covered with Picasso prints?
* Why do men watch football not at home on TV, but go to the stadium, we don’t go to Mexico to watch TV series?
* What should we call the weather so as not to offend nature?
* Why, as soon as health appears, do you want to drink it right away?
* Is this salary, or am I confusing it with tips?
* Well, why should I look for my soul mate? So that there are 1.5 of me?
* How to make a kitten shit in the right shoes?
* The State Duma adopted a law allowing newspapers and other media to be closed for several publications of “knowingly false information.” And where will weather forecasts be published now?
* There are enemies all around... Where can I get so much dinner?!
* Why are boxing gloves called gloves if they are actually mittens?
* According to etiquette, should you eat stewed meat from a can with a spoon or a fork?
* I wonder why they ask for a reason during a divorce, but not when registering a marriage?
* Well, how to defeat corruption in a country in which money is made according to the width of the envelope?
* Have you ever tried to sneeze with with open eyes?
* Why, if the legs are from the ears, then this is a beauty, and if the ears are from the legs, then it is Cheburashka?
* Why is there so much money left at the end of the month?
* And how does a wife turn her tongue to accuse her husband of coming on the horns?
* What happens if you are scared half to death twice?
* Is it possible to give it to the enemy instead of dinner? morning exercises?
* Why - when they say “prize draw”, everyone hears “prizes”, and no one pays attention to the word “draw”?!
* How can we support domestic producers without buying anything from them?
* I wonder why in Russians folk tales Ivan the Fool is looking for Vasilisa the Wise, and Ivan Tsarevich is looking for Vasilisa the Beautiful?
* What color is a chameleon when it looks in the mirror?
* Why do we press harder on the buttons of the remote control whose batteries run out?
* Why do towels need to be washed if they should only be used on clean hands?
* Why do women with streamlined shapes offer the most resistance?
* Why do we turn off the radio in the car if the road is hard to see? And if we can’t hear anything there, why do we take off our sunglasses?
*What do sheep count to fall asleep?
* Why are prunes red when they are still green?
* Why don't they make mouse-flavored cat food?
* Why is it that most women of Balzac’s age who want to meet each other also have Balzac’s weight?!
Honey, the jewelry store was closed, I bought you yogurt!
“Dear,” the wife says to her husband, “my doctor advises me to travel, where will we go?”
- To another doctor, my beloved.
Vovochka, why do you read poetry without expression?
- Marya Ivanovna! What expressions can there be here - this is Pushkin!
A man comes to a psychiatrist:
- Doctor, I’m so sad, so depressed that I really want to hang myself!
- Well, hang yourself if it makes you laugh...
The main task of paid medicine is to translate sharp pain into chronic.
The wider our muzzles, the closer our ranks
A lazy person is a person who likes to simply live
Money is dirt, but it's healing
Sorry for what I say when you interrupt
It was noticed that on women's butts more pleasant to look at than men's faces.
As colorblind people say, life is like a rainbow: a stripe is black, a stripe
white...
Who do you think you are?
- It’s none of your business who I think I am.
Has anyone ever wondered why there are 2 bars on the pause button?
How to distinguish your left leg from your right? On the left leg thumb right.
Don't pick your ears - you'll end up biting your nails later.
My wife doesn't like that I snore...
- So what would you like to get rid of - snoring or your wife?
Women don't think, they plot!
Do you know why wolves don't eat grandmothers? They knit in the mouth.
If your employer treats you well, it means he really cares about you
underpays.
It's not good to peek through the keyhole!
- And show all sorts of nasty things to her?
A woman cannot be convinced. She can only be persuaded.
Told him "No!" - I was proud of myself for 5 seconds, cried for 6 hours, 2 days
on a binge.
If a fool acts smartly, don't be surprised. Well, the man made a mistake, with whom not
It happens!
Never say: “I was wrong!” Much better: “Wow, how interesting
it worked!"
And yet, heels are an extraordinary thing. Nadela is a gorgeous woman,
I took it off - happy man!
Scientists say that the human body grows only up to 25 years, but
Neither the stomach nor the *opa probably knows about this.
Hello!
- Hello!
- What are you doing?
– I’m pumping my abs.
- What is this?
– Good for health and figure.
– Give me the link, I’ll download it too!
The bad thing is when you are packaged in black, opaque plastic
plastic bag. It’s very bad when done in parts. And everything else is just great.
But I really love him... right to the point where my knees tremble...
The only thing is bullshit - I don’t know who I’m talking about.
Tell me honestly! Have I gained weight?
- Honestly? You're sick of it!
Oddly enough, I have no enemies. And if you consider yourself one, then
Congratulations - you are gone!
I think you've gotten involved with bad company.
- Dad, I’ll tell you more, I founded it!
Honey, do we have anything to eat?
- Eat whatever you find in the refrigerator.
- Oh, my mistress! Did you make the ice yourself?
The best way to avoid casual acquaintances is when returning from the store
defiantly waving toilet paper.
Is there anything to drink?
- Water.
- How about something stronger?
- Ice.
His brain was formatted at birth. Plus they also installed write protection.
Your arm is broken.
- Doctor, am I going to die?
- Of course not!
- Doctor, am I immortal?
I have no bad habits, except one. Habit of doing the wrong thing
conclusions and being mistaken in people. Honestly, I'd rather smoke.
Dad, mom, meet me - this... This will now live with us.
How many interesting things you say... it’s a pity, I’m not interested!
With your intuition you can only guess which hand holds the watermelon.
Progress: mom is lying on a chair a meter away from me with her laptop,
calls on Skype and sticks out his tongue.
I caught myself thinking that I was destined not only to find my soul mate,
and, damn it, put together a fucking puzzle!
You are the girl of my dreams! Beautiful, witty, funny...
-You only say that to fuck me!
- Besides, she’s also incredibly smart!
Don't be fooled external resemblance your boss with
human.
Fisher Murena Karpovna drowned in a pond despite the fact that she was a fish
horoscope, a log in bed and shit in life.
As long as there are people I annoy, I will live.
Help a hundred times - and they will forget it. Refuse at least once - and they will remember it forever.
People were created to be loved, and things were created to be loved.
to be used. The world is in chaos because everything is the other way around.
When intoxicated, the body believes that it is close to death and instinctively strives to
to procreation.
Chinese wisdom says: You said - I believed, you repeated - I
I doubted you, you began to insist and I realized that you were lying.
The soul asks for peace, the heart asks for love, the body asks for debauchery. Nothing to anyone
I won’t give it, everyone is sitting there angry.
Remember: there should be classics in your upbringing, jazz in your head, and in your actions
rock and roll. The main thing is not to confuse anything.
What a pity that everyone who knows how to run a state is already working
taxi drivers and hairdressers.
The New Year has brought many new statuses. Some of them are “well-forgotten old things” that have been “shaken off” and put into action again, some are a new trend of thought, something that will surprise and puzzle you. Odnoklassniki is an arena of statements where you can become a trendsetter. You just need to be original and bold.
Shakespeare said that “all the world is a stage.” Who are you in this theater:
- viewer;
- actor, or maybe:
- director?
It doesn't matter at all in which direction your thought goes. Status is what characterizes you at the moment. By looking through your old statements, your friends will be able to understand whether you are developing or deteriorating. It wouldn’t hurt for you to go back and read what you already wrote and thought once.
Statuses for classmates with meaning
Interesting statements are those that are endowed with meaning. No one will read your thought forms if they have no beginning or end, if they are a simple set of words that do not carry any idea.
Today it is not necessary to sit and compose statements. It's great when you can express everything yourself. But remember, even the most brilliant people are interested in what others write. And, if they especially liked the idea, they pass it on to their acquaintances and friends.
You can find great sayings with deep meaning in our collection. The original thoughts we offer will make you original and witty.
Cool statuses for Odnoklassniki
They have always been especially popular funny sayings. We have a great variety of them in our arsenal. We, like everyone else, love to laugh and are sure that laughter actually prolongs life. Let's extend each other's lives.
You can also find here and sad statuses. Everyone is sad. Many people even like to think a little about sad things, feel sorry for themselves, or be sympathetic to someone else.
You will find statements of any nature here. With our thought forms you will become a talented actor on the stage of life. Read and learn, perhaps, thanks to our statuses, very soon you will become a director.
“I looked into those eyes again and whispered: “You are the most precious thing in my life.” He smiled. And he walked away from the mirror."
Recently I was digging in the garden, I found a metal ruble and put it in my pocket. I dig further, another ruble and another, I dug up 10 rubles. Well, I think it's probably a treasure. It turned out that the pocket had holes.
I am from that generation that pushed a person into the water without thinking that he might have a cell phone in his pocket.
For some reason, it always seems to me that the boss looks at me and thinks: “This device can certainly work much faster.”
I am strictly on a diet: in the morning - yogurt, at lunch - tea with lemon, for dinner - a light salad of meat, sausage, sour cream, dumplings, chicken, buns and fish...
The psychologist asks the patient:
- Tell me, are there any cases of megalomania in your family?
- Sometimes my husband declares that he is the head of the family.
Real courage is to climb into the refrigerator after 6 pm for kefir and take kefir!
In the male body, the heart is not the only organ that cannot be ordered.
I know several people who absolutely know how to make millions, but, unfortunately, they all distribute cosmetics.
A real man goes to the doctor only when a piece of a spear in his back begins to interfere with sleep.
Are they talking about you behind your back? Rejoice, you now have free PR managers.
The bride's friend caught such a BOUQUET at the wedding that she could not get married for a very long time.
It's too early for me to have children. I'm not mentally ready to buy a kinder surprise and give it to someone.
He looked after her for a whole week: he threw songs on the wall, gave her likes...
I don’t know who is writing the script of my life, but he has a sense of humor...
A person is 80% water... The remaining percentage prevents him from drowning!
The climate in Russia is intended, first of all, to destroy the enemy.
Fortune teller to client:
- You have a bright future... A high position... A red car... You quickly climb the stairs...
- I know everything. I'm a fireman.
Some people think I'm crazy. And many have already realized that it doesn’t seem like it to them.
A good half of Russians look unkind on Monday morning...
Having a sense of humor makes it easier to cope with the lack of everything else.
If we are not on the Internet, then everyone thinks that we are not at home!
Still, some people surprise me. It seems to be much more stupid, but they somehow manage...
I generally love people. What a pity that since 1861 they cannot be given as gifts.
If my computer could dream, it would only dream about one thing. About vacation...
I'm sober, I can't even speak my braids!
The older the archaeologist's wife gets, the more he likes her.
The most arrogant creatures in the world are men! Where they came from is where they climb.
The secret to longevity is simple. But a secret is a secret.
If you pour condensed milk on the roof in the fall, then in winter it will be much more pleasant to suck on icicles...
300 girls suffered at Dima Bilan’s concert - they suffered and calmed down.
The world is losing its geniuses: Einstein died, Beethoven went deaf, Pushkin was shot... now I have a headache...
The mother-in-law swallowed ten kopecks. It’s a small thing, but it’s nice!
When you leave Odnoklassniki, the inscription appears: “How are you leaving already? So quickly?” And it’s so polite... touching... you just want to answer: “No, what are you talking about! Now I’ll crawl to the bed and use my mobile phone!”
As one ideal woman said... But she didn’t say anything. She was mute.
Odnoklassniki website: meet your school love after 10 years! Screw up two families!
Olya did her homework, washed the dishes, walked the dog, put away the toys in her room, but her mother still noticed that she was pregnant.
The girl was waiting for a guy from the army for one year - not Hachiko, of course, but also a good guy...
Girls! Remember that PENGUINS are swallows that ate after 18-00!
Today I was running behind a minibus, tripped and fell into a puddle. A man walked nearby and asked: “Do you think swimming will be faster?”
They are 10, and they already have a VKontakte page, a personal laptop, an iPhone. When I was 10, I had Pokemon chips and "Love is..." bubblegum stickers.
In the morning, answering the phone in a voice as if you were already up is a great art.
Autocorrect constantly corrects my curse words! Here's a female dog!
The myth that women only need money was invented by men who have no money.
If a woman starts crying, confuse her - start crying back.
Before you strive to find out the truth, think three times whether you can live with it.
During the two weeks that passed at the resort, I received only one SMS from my husband: “Where is the corkscrew?”
Phones are getting thinner and smarter, but people are doing the opposite.
Children are interested in the question of where everything comes from, adults are interested in where everything goes.
I look at some of them and understand that you still need to dress not according to fashion, but in the MIRROR, in the MIRROR!!!
Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank, give a man a bank and he will rob the whole city.
The ideal woman is the one who... fed her, gave her something to drink, put her to bed... but didn't let her sleep.
If the husband is the head, and the wife is the neck, then is it the neck’s fault that the head is looking to the left?
Girl, girl, buy me some ice cream!
- Alphonse or what?
- No, ice cream.
Remember! A mortgage is not a prison, there will be no amnesty!
Teamwork is very important. It allows you to shift the blame onto someone else.
The vacuum cleaner is a very strange object, I just took it out and the cat is nowhere to be found...
To save time sleeping in the morning, I have breakfast at night.
My wife and I decided to start all over again... So she didn’t even come on a date!!!
I don't understand two things. Why do you sleep so sweetly during the day? Why does food taste better at night?
Do you want to turn off your wife for half an hour? Ask what she will wear to work tomorrow.
You will meet in 25 years the one whom you considered a prince at 18... and you understand how lucky it is that he rode past on his horse.
The girl realized that it was time to lose weight after she was able to step on the scale with only one leg.
WARNING: Drinking too much alcohol can make you sound like you're whispering when you're yelling.
He had not had a woman for so long that he had already begun to glance at his wife...
Perhaps I shouldn’t have driven home from the bar by car yesterday. Moreover, I came there on foot.
Get out of the car - you haven't passed the exam!
- Wait, I didn’t even move...
- You won’t move from the back seat!
If a person is dear to me, I will never remain silent. I'd rather argue with him.
The girls are very kind. They can forgive a guy even if he is not guilty of anything.
I'm not looking for ideals - I just need a person to understand me and wash the dishes!
What are you doing this evening?
- I clean the fish.
- What kind of girl are you, though...
Still there is higher power, it was she who gave the Chinese chopsticks. If they had spoons, we would have nothing to eat.
A wife reprimands her mathematician husband:
- Yes, you don’t love me at all, you’re only interested in your mathematics!
- I love.
- Prove it!
- Fine. Let A be the set of objects I love...
Women's folk pastime- fall in love with an idiot and assure everyone that he is the one and only.
When you regularly eat pickled cucumbers... with aromatic new potatoes with garlic and herbs, the most important thing is not to fall asleep...
If a woman is constantly told that she likes her the way she is, then she will like to eat.
I'll have breakfast now. I'll gain strength. And when I start to want to sleep...
He matured, became wiser, became sad.
It's only when a mosquito lands on your eggs that you realize that there is always a way to solve the problem without using force.
Spring. I want to go to the forest. Find a den and wake up the bear. And then run, run away from him, gasping with delight!
I think so, the only chance to lose weight with green tea is to climb the mountains to collect it yourself...
A woman gets younger before she's thirty... After thirty she gets damn prettier!
After a bottle of cognac, the conversation turns into an information leak.
Description
Popular today:
Active sections:
Years go by, times change. But something remains unchanged, despite the whole series of events and the history of people's lives. And this something is Humor! Yes, yes, it was humor that was famous in all centuries and millennia. From the times when jesters and buffoons were called to feasts and great celebrations to amuse the people, to our century, when the sphere of humor has become the most extensive and popular: from stand-ups to the major leagues of KVN, from ordinary vine OBs on YouTube to practical jokes and compilations. What unites all these areas and has a common basis? That's right - the energy of a joke! And cool statuses for classmates in this case are no exception. Social networks are a place where many people gather, with different interests and habits, and sometimes you just want to share your mood with someone, with someone who will understand how you feel at the moment and what state of mind you are in. Have you ever wondered why people are looking for new doses of adrenaline and trying to change their lives in order to feel like they are living again? Precisely because every person, over time, loses control and a sense of joy in life. Then he has to look for tools (means) that will make it possible to reverse everything and become happy and carefree again, as in childhood. And there are a great variety of such Tools, including cool statuses... This section contains cool statuses for every taste and color. To the right of this introduction you will see a menu, which is navigation through the “Cool Quotes for Classmates” section. To return to the main page, click on the site logo ok -status .ru. We wish you a pleasant stay. Sincerely. Resource administration.
I love you.
- No, guys, I won’t sell you cognac after 11 anyway.
If a man thinks that he changes women like gloves, he is mistaken - he just goes from hand to hand
Leonid Yakubovich witnessed an accident and saved two pedestrians by shouting “AAA CAR!”
If there are housewives, then there must be wild ones somewhere...
Mixed feelings are when you get hit in the face with a Valentine's card.
IN " Fashionable verdict“Svetlana’s husband, Dmitry, addressed him, who believes that his wife dresses too openly..
Every man has the right to comb his hair back after a shower, as if he were an Italian mafioso.
Dmitry Anatolyevich Medvedev unexpectedly visited a supermarket: the cashier, out of excitement, beeped the anthem of the Russian Federation with the products
And it’s getting warmer here: you don’t have to button up your down jacket in your apartment.
— I drank kefir 20 minutes ago. - I milk the ax 30 missiles forward.
I always knew that I was not the most beautiful, but for prostitutes, standing at a bus stop and seeing me, to pretend that they were waiting for a bus - that’s too much...
If I had a dollar for every beauty I took into bed, I would buy kefir.
Little Maxim's parents sent him to his grandmother for the summer... the child spent 3 months in the cemetery.
Girl, allow me to meet you?
- Go ahead!
- My name is Gena.
- Well, Gena, go if they call you. I don't dare detain.
- Listen, how do painkillers work? Why does the pain go away?
- And x.. knows him. I prefer to believe that there are very little gnomes running around your brain and stroking where it hurts.
Jumping on public transport in the morning, you understand why kindergarten taught to play the game “Take a Chair”.
“Time is passing!” - you are used to speaking due to an established incorrect concept. Time is eternal: you pass!
There used to be a fashion for ripped jeans, now there is a fashion for ripped T-shirts. Well, when, when the hell will there be a fashion for torn socks?!
Pirate John Silver was so angry because he got up on the wrong foot every day.
Most terrible nightmare childhood is when your mother put you in line and went to another department. And the line is getting closer, closer, closer...
Moses led the Jews out of Egypt for 40 years. And those who were left behind in the desert are now called Arabs, and they are very offended that they were abandoned.
A Russian man should be able to do two things: set fire to huts and scare horses, so that his woman has something to do and not blow his brains out!
In Kenyan villages, if a black cat crosses the road, it is considered a bad omen. Because besides panthers, there are no other black cats there
— Yesterday I got home in a four-wheel drive!
— Did you buy a jeep?
- No... I got so drunk that I had to walk on all fours!
If a girl sent you a text message in the morning “Darling, you are the best!”, it means that night she compared you with someone.
On March 8, the son-in-law prepared a festive dinner, vacuumed the apartment, wiped off the dust, washed the floor, and thoroughly washed the dishes. In general, I barely made it before the forensic experts arrived.
There was a time when rudeness was surprising, now politeness is surprising...
Don't know what to do? - shake your ass. The solution may not come, but a pumped up butt is always good.
There are too few Swedes in Russia to implement the Swedish economic model.
We lived with our grandmother... we started with our grandfather.
Either you sell your soul to the devil, or he ends up getting it for free.
Did you know that the hardest job in Asia is cracking pistachios in a packing plant?
When you go up in the elevator, raise your clenched fist up - be a superman!
The plumber Sidorov's stash ended up in the Guinness Book of Records - there he hid it from his wife.
Until you start observing the life of ants through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, it doesn’t even occur to you how often these creatures suddenly burst into flames for no reason at all.
The Moscow mayor's office has received an application for a gay pride parade in support of Putin. The authorities are at a loss.
This difficult Russian language:
It got to the point.
And it’s wild to me - come to me.
She was injured while she was being treated.
We are married - we are on the same page.
You're a foal - you're a child.
Awkward things - I carry different things.
If he needs it, his wife will get it for him.
We have to wait - we have to give.
I remember how one day they stole a huge piece of sodium from the chemistry lab. We carried it around in a bag for two days, trying to figure out what to do with it. And then it began to oxidize. Then they decided not to get involved and threw it down the toilet...
... the second time I saw a wave of such a scale, covering all living things, was only 20 years later in a report on the tsunami in Thailand.
The Criminal Code does not apply to you if you are ugly and unintentional.
Dmitry Anatolyevich Medvedev's dog does not follow the owner's commands until they are approved by the Prime Minister.
Arabs pass "Mario" from right to left.
A black eye reduces vision but increases experience.
A cow caused an accident on the highway. Not only did the goat buy its license, but the sheep also doesn’t know how to drive.
The Kostanay meat processing plant is looking for cattle, otherwise it took the money, left, and now no one can find it.
Ales Mukhin's phone was stolen in the metro. One - zero in favor of TV viewers.
Those who didn’t make it to everything at graduation go to the alumni reunion.
What goes around comes around: Tatyana Bulanova got drunk to her own songs.
When you read in the newspaper: “In the coming days the country will take a break from the cold,” you understand that the letter “Y” cannot under any circumstances be abolished.
I also like to meet people at horror films. During the session, no one perceives women’s screams at all
A slight sympathy, an impatiently awaited date, a hint of something more, nostalgia for the past - all display specially created cool statuses for classmates, and phrases for them only complement the ease of communication. After all, this age group people of the same period, in which youth flowed or is currently flowing, feelings arise, and not necessarily mutual. Together you can laugh at past pranks, remember past experiences over trifles, and outline your current credo. And it’s not a dispute or a meeting that will help you accomplish this act. round table, and the section is “cool statuses for classmates.”
It is unlikely that you will want to decide when communicating with classmates international problems and quoting classics, although this is not forbidden. For this purpose, there are official events in office centers or specially organized debates of political scientists. Most best period life - school youth - is characterized by ease of communication, when almost every interlocutor becomes your friend in a minute, because they share a common interest and the same status in society. AND social network– is no exception.
By wisely using cool statuses for classmates, you can tell a lot in an ironic tone about yourself, your hobbies, and your friends. Why ironic? Yes, because there is already enough seriousness in life, but humor is always in demand, especially in youth society. Jokes, anecdotes, caricatures - everything is received with a bang, and this only lifts the mood. I want to be original and hooligan, presenting cool statuses for my classmates in this communication group, funny, perky, but, most importantly, new ones every day. And a site where you can dig up an icon that reflects your current state, one hundred percent hitting the top ten, helps a lot in this regard.
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Don’t give up your soul or your book or they’ll tear it up
I see no point in regretting the past. It didn't spare me...
Life chooses your best friends.
The one who doesn’t give up, who is always ready to fight for it, is worthy of love!!!
Life brings surprises, happy is the one who bears them!
People who love each other will be together not because they have forgotten all their mistakes, but because they were able to forgive them.
In our age, having sex is a trifle that does not oblige you to anything, and giving flowers is a serious act, which not everyone can decide to do.
Love is when they throw dirty shoes and cacti at you and ice water“They’re pouring water from the balconies,” the cat whispered sadly.
Most often, it happens that after giving the key to her heart to her lover, the next day a woman changes the lock.
Man, is that your Jaguar standing in front of the club entrance? - My. - Will I finish my drink?)