“It seems to me that no one loves me. I have no real friends, my parents only reproach and point out mistakes. And I really want simple human understanding, warmth, attention!”
“I’m tired of giving my love to others, and in return getting a knife in the back. They take advantage of me, wipe my feet, ignore me. Nobody loves me. I always think, why is this? Why do some people bask in love and attention, while others are kicked through life like ugly ducklings?”
The thirst for love is a completely understandable need. From the first days of life to the last breath, a person needs a kind word, care, and understanding. Without this, it will become stale and wither. Even flowers that are cared for without proper warmth will wither faster. But why does no one love some people, while others literally bathe in care and attention? And most importantly, what do you need to do to start loving you?
What is the reason?
If no one loves a person, then in 90% of cases it is his fault. Especially when it comes to others, and not parents. Only the father and mother love the child just like that, for its mere existence.
This is inherent in nature. Moreover, parental instincts are sometimes so strong that the “child” is looked after and cherished until old age. They don’t care what kind of son or daughter a person is, their love is unconditional. They can justify anything - deception, frivolity, drunkenness. Even murder. This is the kind of unconditional love each of us seeks.
Unfortunately, society is not capable of loving “just like that.” They lack that same parental instinct that gives them the magical property of not paying attention to a person’s actions and behavior.
Even parents don't always love their children. For example, such an instinct is erased in drunkards, drug addicts, and people who grew up or are now in difficult living conditions.
Therefore, if no one loves a person, then, first of all, you need to look for the reason in yourself. People can be put off by excessive arrogance, rudeness, constant whining, talkativeness, conflict and much more. Moreover, the opinion from the outside is sometimes radically different from one’s own ideas.
What turns people off?
If no one loves you, then the first thing you need to think about is: “What am I doing wrong?” We often justify our negative behavior by saying that we acted with the best intentions. However, from the outside they evaluate not thoughts, but actions.
For example, if you, a guy in his prime, did not give way to an old lady in public transport due to poor health, they will still make far from flattering conclusions about you.
In addition, others may dislike you for your manner of communication. The following behavior is particularly repulsive:
How to win the love of others?
What to do if no one loves you? The first thing you need to do is stop focusing on yourself. Love must be given yourself. If the message is sincere, then all the efforts will pay off in full.
What is needed for this:
Author's opinion. When a person says “nobody loves me,” he is being somewhat disingenuous. Surely there is at least one nearby close person– mother, sister, grandmother, friend. And this is already a lot. From my own experience, I will say that complaints about dislike more often appear from raging egoism, when a person was not supported in time, reproached or let down. But that's life. Close people do not always have the opportunity to show their love. They also have their own worries and sorrows. Please be understanding about this. Surely your problem is not so serious or you simply conveyed it incorrectly.
How to attract the right people?
It’s rare, but it happens that the reason for the offensive “nobody loves me” is hidden in the wrong environment. Some people are simply masterful at attracting the “wrong” people. For example, your friends only cry into your vest, but they themselves do not support you in difficult times. Or guys get into relationships just for sex. Unfortunately, sometimes other people really do pursue their own selfish goals. To avoid getting into this situation again, listen to the following tips:
- Seek friendship or love among people with similar interests and views.
- Be open, but also see how open the other person is to you.
- Pay attention not to words, but to actions.
- Do not tolerate lies, rudeness, rudeness, or betrayal.
- Observe how a person behaves with his parents, what he says about friends and acquaintances.
- Go on vacation or do something common. This method will help you quickly figure out how close you are with your girlfriend or boyfriend.
That's all, actually. All that remains is to remind you of the well-known saying that you are not a coin to please everyone. Some people love calm and reasonable people, others eccentric and cheerful people. The main thing is to love and appreciate yourself. Then the right people will definitely be attracted. Good luck!
Olga, Moscow
How offensive and unfair it is when no one loves you! Do you know that feeling of a lump stuck in your throat? Then it’s time to understand this difficult situation and try to solve the problem, and not be tormented day and night by the question: “Why?”
Comes from childhood
It will hardly surprise anyone that most of our adult problems develop in the first years of life. There’s just a paradox: everyone knows about it, but they don’t want to try it on themselves. And indeed, it is much easier to think that real reasons today’s dissatisfaction is that “I’m doing something wrong now” or “it’s those around me who are to blame.” Meanwhile, both are true: to become happy, you need to change a lot today, but you can’t brush aside the past as if it never happened. The psychological law is the same for everyone: if you run away from an unpleasant past, it will catch up, if you work with it (and first acknowledge it), it will let go.
A constant feeling of “unloving” (real or perceived) is almost always a consequence childhood experience. That time when not only our psyche is laid, but also the foundations of future relationships with people, our perception of ourselves and others. If a child is not given the opportunity to feel loved, then this sense of self will simply have nowhere to come from. And here we are talking not only about dysfunctional families. The most striking illustration of the problem is the statement of one tenth-grader: “My dad doesn’t love me. He loves his adult daughter, who doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t hang out with boys, and is a good student.” Because of parents who love only for something, only “if you good girl“, you can feel unloved for the rest of your life. If you remember the feeling “nobody loves me” from childhood (and not just it visited you at the moment bad mood) and it does not dissipate, even when with your mind you understand that you are loved; convincing yourself by proving the obvious is pointless, and scolding is harmful. Only a psychologist can help here.
Too good
“She’s so wonderful! Why is she so unlucky? - your friends are surprised. And they compete with each other to describe your advantages: your good looks, the ability to cook deliciously and significant career achievements. And every word is true, but at the same time you cry at night from loneliness, because there is no one nearby. Possible reason- you are too good for those you choose. It’s hard for men to “reach out” for you, subconsciously they find it unpleasant to compare themselves with such a successful girl, and they run away. If you want to change, analyze your life experience, understand why you choose such men. By discovering the root of evil (perhaps it is also in childhood), you will be able to cope with the problem.
Not him again...
If you talk to an “unloved” girl, it often turns out that she has fans, and sometimes not “one-day” fans at all, but loyal and devoted ones. Some invite you to a movie or a restaurant, others give you flowers and gifts, and even a childhood friend is always ready to come and do men’s work around the house, and absolutely disinterestedly. Sometimes the confidence in their own “unlovability” does not disappear even among married young ladies, who are actually loved by their husbands. And the reason is simple: not “they don’t love”, but “they don’t love”. And who? Of course, He is the One Home Love All Life. This could be a current man (for example ex-husband, with whom you broke up relatively recently) or a phantom from the past. Details vary. Sometimes the beloved is idealized (“only he was the very best and possessed all the unimaginable perfections”), and sometimes we are talking about a truly outstanding person for whom it is difficult to find a replacement both in the heart and in life.
In other cases, tired of this “not even love anymore”, “obsession”, the girl decided long ago that her former boyfriend was not worth a good word. She is fully aware of all his shortcomings and... she can’t help it. This will require a lot of painstaking work: think about who and why you love? Listen to your friends and relatives who have been telling you for a long time about his unreliability and bad character. Maybe you know this yourself. Take a piece of paper and write why you love him. It is likely that you no longer have any feelings, but only regret about their loss. Isn't it better then to choose someone more worthy? However, if the image of the “one” obscures not only real people, but even the desire to build a relationship with someone else means that all the cruel “denunciations of the scoundrel” did not help. Or they helped, but not completely. The path to new opportunities is still closed.
It’s more difficult if your ex was endowed with a variety of qualities that were valuable to you. In this case, in order to erase him from your memory forever and find a new man of your dreams, you will need a resource. Is this possible? Yes, but you will need to work with a specialist.
Is this love?
Each of us has our own ideas about what love is, and our own wishes for the “packaging” in which we want to receive precious feelings. For some it is delicate and careful attitude to each other, for others - a sincere desire to participate in all the problems of a loved one, to delve into everything, to help in everything. But it will be difficult for a pair of two similar halves to feel satisfaction from the relationship: the delicate one will consider that he is being “suppressed” (“How can one talk about love with such expansion!”). And the helper will feel that he is constantly “rejected”, that his loved one “does not tell him anything about his life (“Is this love when there is no trust!”). And everyone in this couple is unhappy! To find harmony, you can and should look for those with whom the “form” of love coincides. But to do this you must first understand yourself. The chances of getting what you want increase many times over when you KNOW what you want. Therefore, take the time to formulate and write down on a piece of paper (it’s more reliable) what you consider to be a manifestation true love, what words and actions you expect from your partner. The more specific the description, the greater the chance of getting what you want. For example, “so that he earns a lot and spoils me” is not suitable, write exactly how much and all the pampering “by name.”
They don’t like it, but then I...
The trouble is if you try to benefit from your “unlovability.” The trouble is primarily for you: in this case, you will not solve the problem, because you do not want to truly part with it. Here the bitter feeling becomes a trap with a sweet bait. And now you find an excuse for any unseemly or simply harmful actions. For example, you may not take care of yourself (“I don’t have anyone anyway,” “who cares what I look like”). Or be careless about your health (“I’ll die - no one will cry”). Or constantly whine or be rude to others (“my life is hard, that’s why I lose my temper”). But the logic “I feel bad, therefore I have the right to everything” makes life easier in much the same way as alcohol or drugs. That is, at first glance it is significant, but in fact it brings disproportionately more harm than good.
“Why doesn’t anyone love me? Why am I still lonely, despite all my advantages? - many women ask these questions and often blame men for their loneliness, who allegedly could not appreciate them. But are men really to blame for everything, or are the reasons for our loneliness and lack of meaningful relationships in ourselves?
Reason #1: Idealization of relationships
Julia has been living for many years waiting for her happiness. She has clear ideas about how things should be, and she does not accept other relationships. The chosen one is expected to have a certain level of income, appearance, character and, most importantly, ways of showing feelings for Yulia.
Many young people meet her in the hope of starting a relationship, but the girl is adamant - she refuses to meet if the man does not look like her ideal and does not behave the way Yulia dreams.
What to do?
This attitude towards life is idealization. Usually girls whose parents were in debt and happy marriage , or those who were raised by one parent. In the first case, the woman is looking for a relationship that completely repeats perfect marriage parents, and in the second, the imagination itself builds an idealistic model of relationships, using books and films, since the dreamer has no experience of her own.
Unfortunately, life often destroys our castles in the air, and the result of waiting for ideal happiness can only be ideal. loneliness . Ideal people no - just like no and ideal relationship.
Life is so diverse that by forming your social circle strictly according to fictitious parameters, you risk missing the real feeling, and not only that. The framework of ideal relationships you have created limits your life and deprives it of richness and spontaneity. It turns out that you are not living, but only preparing for life.
But life happens here and now, so you shouldn’t give up on the opportunities that you encounter every day. Accept everything as it is and enjoy every moment of communication and relationships. Relax, stop comparing everyone to a fictitious ideal, and then relationships will definitely appear in your life that will make you happy.
Resentment towards the world
Reason #2: Resentment towards the world
Dasha is very sociable and open man, but her impulsiveness and touchiness prevent her from maintaining long-term relationships with people. She believes that people are unfair to her, do not understand her and are trying to offend her.
Why no one loves me / shutterstock.com
As soon as the next gentleman makes some mistake, the girl immediately turns him away. Any little thing can be the reason - for example, a young man promised to call at eight, but called a couple of hours later. She constantly complains to her friends about her life, but they strive to end the conversation quickly.
Dasha languishes from loneliness, but sincerely does not understand why she is so unlucky. After all, other girls, although less beautiful and not as smart as Dasha, have been married for a long time and have many friends! But Dasha and her girlfriends don’t have permanent ones, and men don’t stay long...
The reason for Dasha's loneliness is a complete distrust of the world and people. If something happens, the girl does not think about the reasons and her influence on what is happening, but immediately blames other people or evil fate for what happened.
Dasha distrusts the world so much that she is constantly in tension and sees a catch in literally everything and everyone. It turns out that with her grievances, Dasha is simply fencing herself off from the world, in such an absurd way subconsciously trying to protect herself from possible failures.
What to do?
This often happens to people who have suffered severe childhood trauma (for example, parents often left the child alone, divorced or did not love him, etc.), and this undermined their basic trust in the world.
Such events leave a particularly strong mark if they occur before the age of three. The person most likely does not even remember them, but the psyche is for many years turns out to be configured only for protection.
At a later age, the betrayal of someone close to you can become a trauma: and if a person could not forgive him, then he will transfer the old offense into his present.
You need to understand the reasons for your distrust of people and the world, analyze grievances and radically change your approach to life. First you need to forgive life and people for not meeting your expectations. First of all, you yourself need this - to free yourself from the burden of the past and let yourself into your world positive . Once you open up to the world, it will open up to you.
Self-doubt
Reason #3: Lack of self-confidence
Sveta really wants to start a family, but it is very difficult for her to do this - after all, she hardly goes anywhere.
She always thinks that she is doing something wrong, that she is not beautiful, smart, or charming enough, and therefore the girl subconsciously avoids crowded events, justifying herself by saying that she has a lot of work. In fact, Sveta has many advantages, but she does not give herself a chance to demonstrate them.
Why no one loves me / shutterstock.com
What to do?
Self-doubt can manifest itself in different ways, and not always everything is as obvious as with Sveta. A person can be successful and communicate well, but in his inner eye he will see himself as uninteresting and unnecessary, believing that he must earn someone’s love.
This internal attitude will guide his further choices. “I’m not good enough for a relationship,” such a woman will signal to others. And until she changes her attitudes, the relationship will not work out.
The only way out is to increase your self-esteem and self-confidence, learn to communicate, and not wait for a miracle to happen and, quite by chance, a handsome prince will notice you and appreciate all your merits at first sight.
Idealization of oneself
Reason #4: Idealizing yourself
Marina is always aware of all the latest events in the world, knows all the fashion trends, she is the soul of any company, smart, beautiful, and she is always welcome. That's just huge amount communication does not save her from loneliness: the men next to her hang out and quickly disappear from the horizon, and her girlfriends are jealous.
Why no one loves me / shutterstock.com
Marina's problem is that she is too busy presenting herself. She is obsessed with her strengths and constantly demonstrating them to other people. At the same time, Marina forgets one simple truth - people, first of all, do not need her virtues, but attention to their own person.
Men rate Marina very highly, but do not risk starting a relationship with her, because they are afraid of quickly becoming unnecessary to her, because she is perfection itself.
What to do?
This expressed desire to impress usually stems from self-doubt. A person believes that without this, no one can please him, and therefore he tries very hard to be on top. And, in assessing himself, he relies on
Oddly enough, the question “Why doesn’t anyone love me” ranks high in search engine statistics. This question can concern both a teenager during a rather problematic period in life, when there is a great need for love, and an adult, for example, an employee who is faced with misunderstanding and rejection in the team.
Should you blame yourself for something? Should I withdraw into myself even more because I don’t suit someone and don’t get the proper response to my attitude? In fact, it is impossible to please everyone around you. All people are different, just as we are not perfect, so are those who evaluate us. Not everyone thinks about the fact that it is worth loving or at least showing respect/attention to those around you. You need to understand that, first of all, everyone in to a greater extent focused only on himself.
So, we live in such a world of egoists with their own tastes and preferences, and if you look closely, it turns out that I am the same. Therefore, I desperately seek this love from others, so I am offended when they don’t love me.
Step to Decision #1 – Does Nobody Really Love Me?
Yes, we understand and take seriously that you are on this page looking for an answer to your question. But before we understand the reasons why they don’t like you, let’s still try to honestly figure out whether you really are nobody doesn't like it? Not a single person on this earth? Or are you just not getting the benefits you deserve only in a certain society?
Many of us have a family, these are either parents, or brothers/sisters, grandparents, some may have everything together. Have friends with different periods life, or were. There are people with whom we cross paths every day. Is there really no one among them who is good-natured towards you? And does everyone really express some kind of negativity towards you and constantly make it clear that you are not loved or accepted here?
Answering these questions honestly will help someone see that things may not be quite as they seem and that there are people who love you. So, even if, besides these people, there is someone who, as it seems to you, does not love you, the first step to solving the problem is to be grateful for those people who are nearby and love you. Encourage yourself to interact with these people and develop these relationships.
Step to decision No. 2 - Do I... love?
Wait, they don’t like me, we wanted to sort them out! Yes, it’s easy to expect something from others, we always want love and attention, and at least simple acceptance and understanding! But...if there are situations in which people are drawn to us on their own, then in most cases it all starts with me. If I am looking for love, then I need to be the first to show this love and attention. “Whoever wants to have friends must be friendly himself” is a simple truth, but it is the basis of any relationship.
Cases may be different, and if you have not been accepted in some society for a long time and you have become quite burdened with this, of course, it will be difficult to immediately begin to show friendliness towards them. You may think that it doesn't look natural. Well, it's still worth trying to start with the little things. If this is a large team, try to look for an approach first to someone with whom you may be easier than with others. This way you will gradually be able to join the team.
If you meet halfway, but you are not accepted at all, this does not mean that there is something wrong with you. But if most people don't want to communicate with you, it's worth wondering why this might be... What might they not like about you?
10 reasons why people don't like you
Can't stop in time
There are some people who are annoying while trying to be funny. People don't like it when you go too far with your jokes and antics, many simply leave when you start to bore them. You need to know when to stop.
Negative when asked: “How are you?”
I'm sure every adult asked the question "How are you?" Sometimes even more than 20 times a day.
If the answer is positive, people like it. If you start telling a negative story about everyday life, people don't like it. They don’t care whether you are tired or not, that you need to work, that your leg is numb, or anything else.
If someone asks while walking: “How are you?”, it is better to answer: “Not bad.” Each of us has problems and difficulties, but we need to be able to keep it to ourselves. The truth is that people will not cry and suffer because of your daily problems.
You seem unreachable
Your stern appearance, weighed down or just a concentrated, gloomy look, can tell people that you are closed to communication. No, in fact we hope these words don't describe your look. Try to be in good mood and make it visible on your face. Interested and smiling eyes, a slight smile - that's enough.
Always making excuses
Just as in the case of answering the question “How are you?”, people do not like it when people make excuses for them.
For example: “Why are you late?” “I was driving a car, and suddenly a deer jumped out onto the road. I slammed on the brakes and drifted to the side of the road. A man was driving nearby, but he couldn’t help because he was taking his pregnant wife to the hospital.” “Why didn’t you call anyone?” “Oh, yes, I was so shocked that I forgot about my mobile phone. When I remembered, I saw that he was dead. I forgot to charge..."
Stop! Enough! Just say, "I fell asleep." Even if you didn’t sleep, there were other problems, this is not a reason to build long excuses. The bosses don't like it. Friends don't like it. People, in most cases, don't like it. Even if it is your fault, you will be respected for your honesty and candor.
If you think that you will get something from excuses, you are mistaken, be wiser! People will not be able to trust you, you will notice how they will be removed from your life.
Think negatively about everything and everyone
People want happiness. To be included and understood. They want joy. If you talk to someone and only express negativity, you destroy joy, hope and happiness. Who likes this?
We said before that there are annoying, intrusive people. This doesn't mean you have to be an opponent, negative person. Get rid of this, you will become more effective and people will want to be with you.
Your life is what you make it. Become aware of this so that others can accommodate you. Otherwise, don't whine that you don't have friends - look at yourself.
You talk too much
We all know people who can't shut up and encourage others to talk to them. If you talk non-stop and only catch your breath between topics, people won't like you.
People may be polite and nod their heads at you, or they may get bored and stop calling you and avoid you.
When you talk and talk and talk, you may not notice what others want to add to the conversation. Also, you can talk about things that the interlocutors are not interested in. Listening to your interlocutor is still the most important rule of communication.
Your life is a drama
Is there always some drama happening in your life? Is chaos and devastation always on your way, or are you confusing something? You can attract attention and be the center of attention for a while. Even if you get some sympathy, people will notice if it happens too often.
Playing out drama is deadly to a relationship, any relationship. Nobody likes drama. Try not to get carried away by dramatizing events.
You are the best
Oddly enough, this is a problem! Let's say you walk up to a group of people at a party and they go silent. Why? Because, as history shows, you always get the better of everyone, or blame someone who told the real story.
People don't like to share their moment of glory. Let them have it. Wait a minute, if you see that people are ready to hear, speak up.
It's not impressive when you try to share someone else's glory. On the contrary, it shows how selfish you are and are unable to listen to others. Competing is good, but being always on top is against the rules. Such people are left alone, alone with their ego.
You are the center of the universe
You have a head. You have hair. You have style. You have a figure. You also have better air than others. Maybe at school you could surprise others with this, but now real life. Your arrogance turns people off. Your self-centeredness and self-love will not be respected.
You should prove yourself different levels. This is a sign of respect and understanding of the people around you.
Step to Solution #3 - Don't Expect
The secret of how not to be disappointed is not to be “fascinated”; how to avoid unfulfilled expectations is not to expect!
When you know that some effort has been made on your part, when you know that you are not pushing people away with some serious annoying actions... You just have to leave your expectations, demands and accept reality as it is. Nobody owes anyone anything. No specifically. But such free man like you now, will be able to find a person to your liking!
Live now, because life is a moment, yesterday was the past, and tomorrow will never be!
The world doesn't owe you anything, you have everything to live fully. If you want to live in torment as you want, stew in own juice. But a person can find true happiness in himself. Only this happiness is not an emotion, but a decision to be happy.
If you want to enjoy life, stop blaming everything around you. Move forward. Grow up, be a nice person, and your life will sparkle with joyful moments.
If you want to have success in relationships with your employer, family relationships and others, break your habits! Being closed, gloomy, and vain can become an obstacle to a fulfilling life in general. This way you will never be able to win a person's favor. You can help someone who has this problem.