Aggression and aggressive behavior. Aggressive behavior

children's aggression teacher parent

The word “aggression” comes from the Latin aggressio, which means “attack”, “attack”. Aggression is a manifestation of aggression towards an object or subject. Aggression is a motivational behavior, an act that can often cause harm to the targets of the attack or physical damage to other individuals, causing them depression, psycho-discomfort, discomfort, tension, fear, apprehension, a state of depression, abnormal psycho-experiences.

There are several types of aggression:

• 1. Physical aggression (attack, assault), when physical force is used against another object or subject.
• 2. Speech aggression, when negative feelings and emotions are expressed through a communicative form (conflict, quarrel, shouting, verbal skirmish), as well as through predicates (threats, verbal abuse, swearing, forms of cursing).
• 3. Indirect aggression, the actions of which are not directly intended towards another individual (innuendo, ridicule, jokes, irony).
• 4. Direct aggression, directly intensified against any individual or object.
• 5. Instrumental aggression is explicated as a means - methods - techniques, projected to achieve any significant goal, the result of some utilitarian task.
• 6. Hostile aggression manifests itself in actions the purpose of which is to directly cause harm to the object of the aggression itself, escalation.
• 7. Auto-aggression - is expressed in self-accusation, self-destruction, self-deprecation (of one’s merits, personality traits), can even determine suicide, self-infliction of bodily injury, damage.

Aggressive behavioral acts are one of the matrices of response to differential unfavorable, negative in the mental and physical parameters of onto-situation, life circumstances that cause depression, stress, frustration and other aberrational psycho-states in the psyche of a socio-individual; aggressive behavioral acts are often one of the functional ways to solve implicit problems while preserving individuality, a sense of self-worth and significance; this is a mechanism and psychoimmunity in certain social situations that strengthens the subject’s control over the circumstances surrounding him; Thus, aggressive acts appear in the clause:

• 1. Methods of psychological protection;
• 2. A way to satisfy a specific need;
• 3. Methods of self-realization, self-affirmation, self-realization;
• 4. A means to achieve some significant goal;
• 5. A way to help psychological impact on another individual in order to suppress his volitional stimuli, to destroy - to metabolize behavioral reactions inherent in another individual that are stable in his psyche.

In the formation of self-control over aggressiveness and the containment of aggressive acts, an important role is played by the development of psychological processes of empathy, identification, decentration, which underlie the subject’s ability to understand and empathize with another person, contributing to the formation of the idea of ​​another person as a unique value

According to the view of aggression as an instinct or impulse, a person is forced to commit violent actions either under the influence of internal forces or under the influence of external influences (for example, frustrators). Representatives of the theory of social learning argue that aggression occurs only in certain social conditions and therefore it can be completely prevented or weakened by changing these conditions.

Aggression itself implies situational, social, psychological condition immediately before or during an aggressive action.

I would also like to note that each person must have a certain degree of aggressiveness, since aggression is an integral characteristic of human activity and adaptability. V. Klein believes that aggressiveness has certain healthy traits that are simply necessary for an active life. This is perseverance, initiative, perseverance in achieving a goal, overcoming obstacles. These qualities are inherent in leaders.

R.S. Homans believes that aggression can be caused by a situation related to the desire for justice.

Rean A.A., Buettner K. and others consider some cases of aggressive manifestations as an adaptive property associated with getting rid of frustration and anxiety.

We will call behavior aggressive if two mandatory conditions are present:

• 1. When there are consequences that are detrimental to the victim;
• 2. When standards of behavior are violated.

The manifestation of aggression is very diverse.

There are two main types of aggressive manifestations:

Targeted aggression

Instrumental aggression

The first acts as the implementation of aggression as a pre-planned act, the purpose of which is to cause harm or damage to an object.

The second is committed as a means of achieving some result, which in itself is not an aggressive act.

The structure of aggressive manifestation was proposed in their works by Zagradova I., Osinsky A.K., Levitov N.D.:

1. By direction:

Aggression directed outward;

Auto-aggression - directed at oneself.

4. By purpose:

Intellectual aggression;

Hostile aggression.

7. By expression method:

Physical aggression;

Verbal aggression.

10. By degree of severity:

Direct aggression;

Indirect aggression.

13. Based on the presence of initiative:

Initiative aggression;

Defensive aggression.

In the theory explaining the nature of aggressiveness, there are three different approaches. All of them reflect the views of specific researchers and psychological schools different times.

1. The theory of attraction (psychoanalytic approach).

The founder of this theory is Sigmund Freud. He believed that aggressive behavior is instinctive and inevitable in nature. There are two most powerful instincts in a person: sexual (libido) and the instinct of death (thanatos). Energy of the first type is aimed at strengthening, preserving and reproducing life. The energy of the second type is aimed at destruction and cessation of life. He argued that all human behavior is the result of a complex interaction of these instincts, and there is a constant tension between them. Due to the fact that there is an acute conflict between the preservation of life (eros) and its destruction (thanatos), other mechanisms (displacement) serve the purpose of directing the energy of thanatos outward, in the direction from the “I”. And if the energy of thanatos is not turned outward, then this will soon lead to the destruction of the individual himself. Thus, thanatos indirectly contributes to the fact that aggression is brought out and directed towards others.

The emergence and further development of aggressiveness in S. Freud is associated with the stages of childhood development.

2. Frustration theory (homeostatic model).

Frustration (lat. frustratio - “deception”, “failure”, “vain expectation”, “frustration of plans”) - mental condition arising in a situation of real or perceived impossibility of satisfying certain needs.

This theory, proposed by D. Dollard, is contrasted with the one described above. Here, aggressive behavior is viewed as a situational rather than an evolutionary process. The main provisions of this theory are as follows:

Frustration always leads to aggression in some form.

Aggression is always the result of frustration.

Frustration occurs when there is an obstacle to the implementation of a conditioned reaction. Moreover, the magnitude of frustration depends on the strength of motivation to perform the desired action, the significance of the obstacle to achieving the goal and the number of purposeful actions after which frustration occurs.

The theory under consideration states that, firstly, aggression is always a consequence of frustration, and, secondly, frustration always entails aggression. The frustration-aggression scheme is based on four basic concepts: aggression, frustration, inhibition and replacement.

Inhibition is the tendency to limit or curtail actions due to expected negative consequences. Inhibition of direct acts of aggression is almost always an additional frustration, which causes aggression against the person perceived as the culprit of this inhibition, and increases the motivation for other forms of aggression.

Substitution is the desire to engage in aggressive actions directed against some person other than the true source of frustration.

Catharsis (literally “cleansing of emotions”) is the process of releasing arousal or pent-up energy, resulting in a decrease in stress levels. The essence of this idea is that the physical or emotional expression of hostile tendencies leads to temporary or long-term relief, resulting in psychological balance and a weakening of the readiness for aggression.

3. Bandura's social learning theory.

Unlike others, this theory states that aggression is a learned behavior through the process of socialization through observation of appropriate behavior and social reinforcement. Those. There is a study of model-oriented human behavior.

This theory was proposed by Bandura (see Table 1.). This theory states that a person learns more effective aggressive actions: the more often he uses them, the more perfect these actions become. At the same time, the success of aggressive actions is of significant importance: achieving success in the manifestation of aggression can significantly increase the strength of its motivation, and constantly repeated failure can increase the strength of the inhibition tendency.

From his point of view, the analysis of aggressive behavior requires taking into account three points:

• 1. Ways to master such actions;
• 2. Factors provoking their appearance;
• 3. The conditions under which they are fixed.

Another important element of this theory is social reinforcement (any action designed to strengthen a particular response). If we talk about social reinforcement, then it is intangible reinforcement, verbal and non-verbal treatment, controlled by other people. This can be praise and reprimand, smile and ridicule, friendly and hostile gestures.

Bandura's social learning theory

Aggression acquired through:	Biological factors (eg hormones, nervous system) · Learning (e.g. direct experience, observation)
Aggression is provoked by:	· Exposure to patterns (eg, arousal, attention) Unacceptable treatment (eg, attacks, frustration) Incentives (for example, money, admiration) · Instructions (for example, orders) Eccentric beliefs (such as paranoid beliefs)
Aggression is regulated:	External rewards and punishment (for example, financial rewards, unpleasant consequences) Vicarious reinforcement (for example, watching others being rewarded or punished) · Self-regulatory mechanisms (for example, pride, guilt)

There are two forms of reinforcement:

Positive reinforcement is any stimulus that, following a response, increases it or maintains it at the same level.

Negative reinforcement is a stimulus whose removal increases the response.

Types of reinforcement:

• 1. if the child’s response is followed by a positive reinforcer, then the result is positive reinforcement. For example, when a parent or teacher constantly praises a child for good, exemplary behavior;
• 2. if positive reinforcement is removed after one or another reaction of the child, then the result is negative punishment. For example, when a child, accustomed to praise for school success, suddenly did not hear it after receiving an excellent mark. He is used to praise, but this time there was none, and as a result, the lack of praise is perceived by the child as punishment;
• 3. if a reaction is followed by negative reinforcement, then the result is positive punishment. For example, a teenager who lacks attention and love from his parents commits theft and receives a severe beating from them. This spanking is a positive punishment: he finally got the attention of his parents.
• 4. If a negative reinforcer is removed after a response, the result is negative reinforcement. For example, a student, whom the teacher had strongly criticized for poor academic performance throughout the year, improved his performance in the last quarter, for which the teacher did not praise him, but did not say anything bad either. Therefore, refusal of criticism is considered by the child as encouragement.

The main types and forms of aggression in preschoolers are: physical, verbal, indirect, open, hidden, direct. The manifestation of children's aggression is significantly influenced by such personal characteristics as frustration, feelings of guilt, insufficiently developed communication skills, and the desire to dominate. The presence of aggressive forms of behavior affects the development of the child and interferes with the adaptive capabilities of the individual. The severity of childhood aggression depends on such social factors, such as features of parent-child relationships, the nature of the child’s interpersonal interactions with peers, and the level of assimilation of gender roles.

Gender differences in aggression between boys and girls are manifested not only quantitatively, but also qualitatively. There are also gender differences in the strength of aggressive reactions. Boys are distinguished by the predominance of reactions of physical aggression, while girls, with age, more often resort to indirect ways of expressing aggression: verbal, indirect and negativism. This may be due to the fact that boys’ aggression is directed “outward,” while girls’ aggression is directed “inward.”

Gender differences in aggressive behavior in six-year-old children can be explained by the fact that personal development in boys is directed along the line of mastering a masculine style of behavior, and in girls, a feminine style of behavior. Boys are less balanced, less resistant to stress and, accordingly, they are more prone to affective reactions; because of this, their emotional response is often predisposed to aggressive actions. However, although boys and girls are approximately equally susceptible to frustrating situations, boys are more likely to react aggressively to them. .

There is reason to believe that conflict and aggressive actions directed at each other are inevitable, since competitive relationships between siblings (a genetic term denoting the descendants of the same parents, brother or sister.) are a very common phenomenon. The direction of aggression towards parents indicates the complexity of parent-child relationships and problems of family education. The presence of communication skills and abilities, the social competence of children contribute to the containment and reduction of their aggressive impulses. Most types of aggression are closely related to excitability, indicating a close connection between aggression and biological factors. Connections various types aggression with indicators of emotional stability, isolation, sociability showed the social conditionality of aggression; its dependence on factors of social order, such as the system of parental and public education, the psychological climate in the family, interpersonal relationships with peers and educators, and learned patterns of behavior.

The presence of aggression in children may indicate a child’s positive ability to develop, a certain reserve vitality and energy, the ability to withstand negative external influences, etc. Manifestations of aggression that go beyond the normative framework indicate existing problems in the child’s behavior, his possible social or personal maladjustment, which provides the basis for a thorough study and, possibly, correction.

Signs of primary aggression as a behavioral disorder are hypersensitivity, irritability, explosiveness, impulsivity, and undifferentiated fear.

Often children who indulge, behave disobediently, spontaneously, impulsively, attack other children for no apparent reason, speak loudly, interrupt, tease and provoke other children, try to dominate, and are considered aggressive by adults.

Indeed, at some point, many children are characterized by aggressiveness. Children's lives are full of disappointments that seem petty to adults. But it is precisely these disappointments, caused by deprivations and restrictions, that become traumatic for the child. And the most satisfactory solution for a child may seem to be an aggressive reaction, especially if he has limited abilities for self-expression or is deprived of the opportunity to satisfy his immediate need in another way. It should be noted that aggression can arise in two cases: 1) as a last resort, when the child has exhausted all other possibilities to satisfy his needs; 2) as “learned” behavior, when a child acts aggressively, following a model (the behavior of parents, other significant persons, literary or cinematic characters).

According to this point of view, it becomes obvious that a certain aggressiveness is inevitably inherent in a child at an early age.

An aggressive reaction at its core is a reaction of a struggle for survival, an attempt by a child to change the situation. It consists of dissatisfaction, protest, anger or outright violence. This is all completely normal. Aggression in some cases is certainly preferable to whining, complaining, submissive obedience, fruitless fantasizing and other manifestations of escapism. If a child’s anger and indignation are constantly suppressed, they can accumulate and manifest themselves only in adulthood, when it is impossible to get to the bottom of it. true reasons, since aggressiveness already results in other forms of behavior, psychosomatic symptoms or becomes the cause of various diseases (for example, rheumatoid arthritis, urticaria, acne, psoriasis, stomach ulcers, epilepsy, migraines, hypertension).

A child does not suddenly become aggressive; he cannot be a gentle and well-mannered child, and a minute later start screaming and fighting with his peers. The process is usually gradual. Up to a certain point, the child expresses his needs in a softer form. But adults usually do not pay attention to this until they are faced with obvious behavioral disorders. Behavior that is perceived as aggressive or antisocial is often in reality a desperate attempt to satisfy needs, restore emotional well-being, or restore social connections.

Aggression has many faces. In particular, in its focus it can be external, characterized by an open manifestation of aggression towards specific individuals (direct aggression) or impersonal circumstances, objects or social environments (displaced aggression), as well as internal, characterized by the expression of accusations or demands addressed to oneself . According to the method of control, aggression is divided into voluntary, arising from the desire to prevent harming someone, treating someone unfairly, insulting someone, and involuntary, which is a non-purposeful and quickly stopping explosion of anger or rage, when the action is not under the control of the subject and proceeds according to the type of affect.

Physical aggression (assault) is the use of physical force against another person.

Physical aggressiveness occurs quite often in children. The child may become angry, throw blows at those who are nearby, attack children younger than himself or even adults.

Aggression does not necessarily manifest itself in physical actions. Verbal aggression is the expression of negative feelings both through form (quarrel, screaming, screeching) and through the content of verbal responses (threats, curses, swearing).

Indirect aggression is understood as aggression that is directed in a roundabout way at another person - malicious gossip, jokes, as well as aggression that is not directed at anyone - an explosion of rage, manifested in screaming, stomping feet, beating the table with fists, etc. These explosions are characterized by lack of direction and disorder.

In some children, aggression takes the form of a destructive attitude towards things. Such behavior can be motivated by the need for attention, some dramatic events, the desire to assert oneself, envy, due to a sense of ownership, selfishness, all of this is based on self-doubt and hostility towards people.

Corporal punishment is never a good disciplinary measure. A child, like any adult, strives to avoid not so much painful stimulation as its source. Therefore, he will quickly begin to fear his parents. Thus, the transformation of the child’s behavior occurs by replacing desire with fear.

Firstly, fear greatly changes the child’s appearance: he becomes timid, indecisive, lost, unsure of himself and almost completely devoid of optimism in life.

Secondly, the child begins to be afraid of his parents and experience first dislike for them, and then hatred. If this conflict arises in early childhood, the child learns to expect hostility from everyone who loves him, and even perceives hatred as something that accompanies love.

Third, Physical punishment on the part of parents represent a model of aggressive behavior. Aggressive parents tend to have aggressive children. Moreover, the child may develop a behavioral stereotype: if another person has done something wrong, he must be punished, preferably physically.

Fourth, corporal punishment often produces results opposite to those sought by parents. In children, they only reinforce the child’s incorrect behavior more firmly and do not change it to some extent. The child is ready to receive punishment in order to annoy his parents, and also knows that after punishment he can repeat his antics.

Noticing negative manifestations in the child’s behavior, parents do not attach importance to them, believing that the child is still small and does not understand anything, and when he grows up he will learn and improve. With this attitude to education, conditions are created when, at first glance, “harmless” shortcomings of a child, repeated many times, as he grows up, develop into stable habits, manifested in the form of various deviations in behavior.

Behavioral disorders, or social maladjustment, are conditions in which the main problem is the emergence of socially disapproved forms of behavior. The most common behavioral disorders are:

Disobedience, expressed in pranks, mischief, misdeeds;

Children's negativism, stubbornness, whims, self-will, indiscipline;

Deviant-delinquent forms of behavior in their extreme manifestations are criminally punishable actions.

Disobedience is the most common form of resistance in preschool and primary school age to demands, requests, parental advice, and moral standards of social behavior.

Prank is deviant behavior in the form of a cheerful prank, fun or trick of a child, in which his activity, initiative, and ingenuity are clearly expressed. As a rule, they are socially harmless, being “on the border” from completely harmless to evil and dangerous.

Misconduct is a socially dangerous phenomenon, although it has much in common with mischief (inventiveness, initiative, mobility of the child). Systematic violation of the requirements of adults, if without malicious intent, then with awareness and understanding that this action is bad.

Negativism is a pronounced rejection of something, unmotivated and unreasonable resistance to the influence of others. Negativism manifests itself as a form of protest of a child against a really existing or perceived unfavorable attitude towards him by adults or peers (protest, refusal to carry out actions, instructions, requests, resistance to the influence of adults). Negativism can be expressed passively (by refusing to act) or actively (by doing the opposite).

When making demands on a child, parents do not always take into account his mental state: overload with impressions, fatigue, affective experiences that cause inhibition.

Whims are a feature of a child’s behavior, expressed in inappropriate and unreasonable actions, in unreasonable opposition and resistance to the demands of adults, in the desire to insist on one’s own. The tendency toward whims is to a certain extent caused by certain age-related characteristics of children of early preschool and primary school age: a fragile nervous system (insufficient ability to withstand strong or prolonged stimuli, the predominance of the process of excitation over the process of inhibition), weak will, emotional excitability, impressionability. But the main reason is improper upbringing.

Daily reports constantly flash events that occur due to human aggressiveness. In everyday life, everyone is accompanied by quarrels, conflicts, shouting, and so on. In modern realities, aggression is perceived as a negative phenomenon and is therefore condemned. However, this does not in any way affect the existence of enemy groups.

In order to understand how to restrain aggression, you need to understand in more detail the reasons for its occurrence, as well as the concept itself.

What is aggression?

In order to understand the concept of “aggression”, it is necessary to analyze this term. In psychology, this phenomenon represents the commission of destructive actions that can cause harm, both psychological and physical, to objects or living beings.

If we consider the analyzes of various scientists, it should be noted that aggression is called not only a specific behavior, but also a human condition.

The famous psychotherapist Sigmund Freud noted that this phenomenon represents the predisposition of each object. The higher it is, the greater the tendency to show aggression. Therefore, the described reaction can be considered natural to various types of stress and provoking factors. Aggression can be destructive as well as constructive. In the first case, it is reciprocal, and in the second, it allows a person to preserve his individuality, assert himself, or increase self-esteem. Besides the above, aggression is a way to relieve tension.

The described phenomenon can be both an emotional manifestation and an indicator of social behavior. Aggression can be called any action that can cause harm in any way. The victim can be either an inanimate object or a person (animal).

Some psychologists put aggression on the same level as cruelty, but you need to understand that not every action with the phenomenon described can be classified as serious. Aggressiveness is perceived as a personality trait when a person is capable of performing any such actions in order to protect his interests and in order to achieve certain results.

This phenomenon can be considered in two versions: a form of hostility and a characteristic of adaptability. In the first case, a person will be offended by everyone, start quarrels or fights, and deliver destructive “blows.” In the second option, the individual tries to protect himself, his rights and maintain independence.

Thus, aggressiveness can be considered both a negative phenomenon and a condition that allows a person to develop and realize himself. Any leader needs to have at least a small amount of aggression in order to control others.

Characteristics of aggression

As mentioned above, the manifestation of aggression should be considered in two aspects. One of them is the desire to cause harm, and the second is the need, which allows for harmonious development.

The scientific literature indicates that in the absence of aggressiveness, a person can become passive and, as a result, his individuality will be erased, and existence will become unbearable. Every person has this phenomenon, but it has different levels and characteristics. How severe the aggression is, as well as how long it lasts, depends entirely on many nuances. Such negative phenomena should also be considered from the perspective of factors that affect a person, that is, situational, psychological, physiological, and so on. To this we must add that aggression is a person’s reaction to any dissatisfaction associated with surrounding reality. It can be hidden or explicit, direct or indirect, passive or active, verbal or physical. Let's consider the classification of such actions. Stands out 5 different forms.

Forms of aggression

Let's take a closer look at the types of aggression.

• There is a physical one. It lies in the manifestation of power to any living organism.
• The indirect form indicates that the person is not behaving aggressively towards the cause of the irritation. These emotions are manifested towards the other. Sometimes a person in such a situation can express aggression by slamming doors, banging on the table, and so on.
• Verbal aggression is manifested by shouting and quarrels, and people often use swearing, obscene words, threats, etc.
• Negativism is characterized by the fact that aggressive behavior occurs towards people older in age, as well as in social status. That is, in this case, an outbreak of aggression will manifest itself only in the direction of authority.
• The last form is a person's tendency to irritation. That is, the object becomes aggressive even with the smallest degree of excitability: he is very hot-tempered, harsh and rude.

Causes

Any aggression, as a rule, manifests itself as a result of some factors. They are the ones who provoke a person to have such a reaction. The main reasons that may exist should be considered.

• Features of character and temperament.
• Factors of behavioral, social, psychological type and so on.
• Hatred, which manifests itself in relation to moral beliefs, as well as an attempt to aggressively establish one’s ideals in society.

Description of provoking factors

In order to combat aggression, it is necessary to know what factors contribute to an increase in the level of this phenomenon. Let's look at them separately.

• Behavioral. We are talking about actions that are aimed at stopping human development. This should also include the lack of desire for self-development, as well as difficulties such as vandalism or the aimlessness of existence itself.
• Social. A person can be influenced by factors such as politics and the economy of the state itself. In the case when any cult of violence or hostility manifests itself in society, and also when certain things begin to be sharply promoted by the media, then anyone can show aggression. It should also be noted the influence of the people who surround the person, as well as the low social position in society itself.
• Personal factors. It's about a person's character. For example, someone who has increased anxiety, irritability, depression, problems with development, self-esteem, expression of emotions, gender roles, various addictions, and difficulties communicating in society will be aggressive.
• Situational. This should include conditions of temperature and climate, the influence of culture, stressful situations, the expectation of some kind of revenge or an attack of aggression on the part of another person.

Manifestations in different age categories

How a person expresses his aggressiveness depends on large quantity factors. Among them, it is necessary to note individual development, age category, experience, nervous system, as well as the impact of the above-described nuances on a person’s life. A special role in identifying the causes of aggression is given to the educational system and social environment. At different ages, aggression can manifest itself in different ways.

• If we are talking about kids, then they cry, scream, do not smile, and do not want to make contact with their parents. In addition, the child can harm younger children and animals.
• In preschool age, the manifestation of aggression becomes more diverse. Children not only use screaming and crying, but can also bite, spit, use hurtful words, and so on. As a rule, at this age such a reaction is only impulsive.
• Schoolchildren’s aggression often manifests itself by causing harm to weak children. They may bully others, put pressure on them, make fun of them, and get into fights.
• During adolescence, aggression can manifest itself due to influence from peers. As a rule, at this age, this phenomenon is a way to establish yourself in a team, as well as to take a special place in society. It should be noted that often aggression in adolescents arises not only because of the situation in which he finds himself, but is also considered a manifestation of character.
• Separately, it should be noted that aggressiveness appears in adulthood, since a person will be influenced by a greater number of factors, given that the character is already formed. It is worth highlighting the presence of fear, which is aimed at what society may not accept or recognize, strong irritability, impulsiveness, suspicion, and dependence on various signs. Such people, as a rule, experience only fear and resentment. They are unable to feel guilt and responsibility. It is also very difficult for them to adapt to a new society.

Formation conditions

You need to figure out what provokes aggression in children and adults. The most significant conditions that form such a manifestation are the influence of the media, family factors, aggression from others, as well as individual, age and gender characteristics.

As for the mass media, this factor is questionable in psychology. Let's consider conditions that can cause aggression in a child or adult.

Why do negative emotions appear? There are several reasons for this:

• what is propagated by the media is accepted by a person as a manifestation of aggression;
• accepting oneself as a negative character from a video or film;
• identifying oneself as an object capable of harming any victim;
• The situations shown look too realistic. They can significantly influence a person’s emotional sphere.

Diagnostics

It is very important to correctly diagnose aggression in order to completely overcome it. Considering that this phenomenon is developed differently in each person, it is necessary to accurately study all the features of the psychotype of a particular patient. It is necessary not only to observe behavior, but also to conduct diagnostics, consisting of various techniques. They will allow not only to understand the whole situation from the subjective side, but also to objectively confirm the results that were revealed.

It is quite difficult to examine internal aggressiveness from a medical point of view, since most techniques are aimed only at identifying external manifestations. At the moment, doctors use the Bass-Darkey questionnaire, the Assinger test, as well as some other methods. They allow us to understand how a person feels and what are the reasons for aggression. Let's consider each method separately.

• Assinger test. It is necessary to identify aggression in relationships. Thanks to it, you can figure out what level of negative emotions a person has when talking with someone else. Thus, it becomes clear whether communication is easy for him, how he builds contacts with people around him, and so on.
• Eysenck test. Thanks to it, you can check the patient's mental state. There are 4 scales. They describe various mental states: frustration, anxiety, rigidity and aggression itself.
• Bass-Darka Questionnaire. It consists of 8 scales and allows you to determine which aggression is dominant in a person. You can also understand by calculating the index how pronounced hostility is.

It should be noted that these techniques are not universal. Therefore, it will not be possible to understand with just one test why aggression appears in a person too often. Diagnostics should always consist of a whole complex, which allows us to talk about real results.

Condition correction

It is impossible to talk about a complete cure for aggressiveness, because it is not a disease. This phenomenon is a personality trait that can be enhanced or, conversely, suppressed. It all depends on self-awareness, self-regulation and the characteristics of a particular person. Scientists also talk about the influence of genetic conditions on the formation of aggression. However, it still depends more on social communication skills, as well as those factors that influence a person every day. Therefore, to treat aggression in a child or adult, it is important to use corrective methods. They reduce the level of hostility. It should be noted that the manifestation of such emotion is not an inevitable form of mental response to various difficulties.

It has long been proven that if you work on yourself correctly, as well as create comfortable conditions for existence, you can not only learn to control such attacks, but also completely stop their occurrence. Correction of aggressiveness can be carried out by a psychologist or psychotherapist. A psychiatrist should be contacted if the aggression of adolescents or older people has reached a critical situation when a person is capable of harming himself or other living beings.

Among the main methods of struggle, hypnosis, psychodrama, psychoanalysis, training programs, as well as autogenic training should be noted.

Many psychologists consider training to be very interesting, allowing a person to learn how to communicate in society and acquire certain skills. On it, the specialist simulates situations in which it is maximally shown that a person can calmly react to any conflict or manifestation of aggressiveness on the part of other people. Getting settled role-playing games, which allows you to experience various stressful situations with maximum safety for the human psyche. The training also teaches how to transfer the acquired skills and abilities into your life.

What to do with an aggressive child?

It should be understood that aggression is an emotion that children often experience. The main step in the fight against it is attention to the child. If parents know their child well, they can prevent sudden outbreaks. If we are talking about physical aggression, it will be easier to suppress than verbal aggression. When a child begins to express his emotions in any way, he needs to be distracted. You can come up with some interesting activity. If a child begins to harm another, then he should be punished for this.

When the child does not understand that he needs to stop, it is recommended to explain the mistake to him as clearly as possible and give him a punishment. At the same time, the object of hostility must be surrounded with attention and care. Then the child will understand that his behavior is losing and he will not achieve the desired result.

At first, he will show more aggression, refuse to clean up after himself, follow advice, and so on, but after a while he will realize that such tactics are unprofitable. It is important to make it clear to the child that he is responsible for his actions, including aggression. After the child has completed the necessary actions that were done as punishment, he should be rewarded.

Games for aggressive kids

Aggression is a negative phenomenon that needs to be stopped in time. If we are talking about a child with an overly impulsive and hot-tempered character, then you should come up with methods to help him fight aggression. Psychologists recommend choosing those exercises that will allow him to understand that it is not necessary to mock his younger ones in order to throw out emotions. You can engage with your child through games. A good option would be to buy a punching bag, knock out pillows, run or exercise on the playground (in the section). You can put paper in your child's pocket, which he will tear when stressed. This is how the baby will be able to eliminate his negative emotions and stop projecting them onto the younger ones.

Food for thought

As a result, it is necessary to emphasize everything that was written above. Aggression is considered to be a manifestation of a person’s character, which can be perceived both in a positive and negative light. This phenomenon allows leaders to maintain authority. Aggression also provides an opportunity to control people. Thanks to her, you can establish yourself in society. However, it is only good in moderation.

At the moment, negative emotions appear quite often in society. This affects the development in young children of an unconscious desire to express their feelings in an aggressive form. To prevent negative situations, you need to fight this phenomenon. You should contact a psychologist. The sooner this happens, the better. This is due to the fact that it is easier to suppress aggression only when it begins to manifest itself than after the perception of the world has been formed. Only through corrective measures can various problems in society be prevented.

Human psychology is a rather complex concept, and aggression is considered negative manifestation character. You should fight it so as not to conflict with the world and communicate normally with society.

The daily news report constantly frightens the average person with the number of acts of violence in all corners of the world. And everyday life is replete with quarrels, shouting and other manifestations of hostility.

Aggression in modern society perceived as evil and subject to public condemnation. However, there are many examples of hostile behavior of both individuals and entire groups of people.

Why do people cause suffering to each other, what are the causes of interpersonal and global conflicts? There is no clear answer to these questions, but studying the phenomenon of aggressiveness in different aspects of human life will help to better understand the problem.

What is aggression?

There are many approaches in the world to determining the cause, content and types of counteraction to such behavior. Thus, some psychologists believe that aggression is an innate human quality associated with instinctive impulses. Others correlate this concept with the need for an individual to achieve relief (frustration), while others perceive it as a manifestation of a person’s social learning, which arose on the basis of past experience.

Thus, this type of personality manifestation is intentional behavior that is destructive in nature and leads to physical or psychological harm and discomfort in other individuals.

Aggression in psychology, and in everyday life, is often associated with anger, anger, rage, that is, extremely negative emotions. In fact, hostility can also arise in a calm, cool state. Such behavior may be the result of negative attitudes (the desire to harm or offend) or be unmotivated. According to many experts, prerequisite aggressive behavior must be directed at another individual. That is, punching the wall and breaking dishes are not manifestations of hostile, but expressive behavior. But outbursts of uncontrollable negative emotions can subsequently be redirected to living beings.

Historical approaches

The definition of aggression is carried out through various approaches. The main ones are:

1. Normative approach. Special attention focuses on illegality of actions and violation of generally accepted norms. Aggressive behavior is considered to be behavior that includes 2 main conditions: there are consequences that are disastrous for the victim and at the same time the norms of behavior are violated.
2. Depth psychological approach. The instinctive nature of aggression is affirmed. It is an integral innate feature of the behavior of any person.
3. Targeted approach. Explores hostile behavior in terms of its intended purpose. According to this direction, aggression is a tool of self-affirmation, evolution, adaptation and appropriation of vital resources and territories.
4. Effective approach. Focuses on the consequences of such behavior.
5. An intentional approach. Evaluates the motivations of the subject of hostility that prompted him to take such actions.
6. Emotional approach. Reveals the psycho-emotional aspect of the behavior and motivation of the aggressor.
7. A multidimensional approach includes an analysis of all factors of aggression with an in-depth study of the most significant, from the point of view of the individual author.

A large number of approaches to defining this psychological phenomenon do not provide an exhaustive definition. The concept of “aggression” is too broad and multifaceted. Types of aggression are very diverse. But it is still necessary to understand and classify them in order to better understand the causes and develop ways to combat this serious problem of our time.

Aggression. Types of aggression

It is quite difficult to create a unified classification of types of aggression and its causes. However, in world practice they often use its definition according to the method of American psychologists A. Bass and A. Darkie, which includes five components:

1. Physical aggression - physical force is used on another individual.
2. Indirect aggression - occurs in a hidden way (unkind banter, creating gossip) or is not directed at a specific person (gratuitous screaming, stomping, other manifestations of outbursts of rage).
3. Irritation is increased excitability to external stimuli, which often leads to a surge of negative emotions.
4. Verbal aggression is the manifestation of negative feelings through verbal reactions (squealing, screaming, swearing, threats, etc.).
5. Negativism is oppositional behavior that can manifest itself in both passive and active forms of struggle against established laws and traditions.

Types of Verbal Responses

The manifestation of aggression in verbal form, according to A. Bass, is divided into three main types:

1. Rejection is a reaction that is based on the “go away” type and more crude forms.
2. Hostile remarks are formed according to the principle “your presence annoys me.”
3. Criticism is aggression directed not specifically at a person, but at his personal objects, work, clothes, etc.

Psychologists also identify other forms of hostility. So, according to H. Heckhausen, there is instrumental and hostile aggression. Hostility is an end in itself and brings direct harm to another person. Instrumental is an intermediate phenomenon in achieving a goal (for example, extortion).

Forms of manifestation

Forms of aggression can be very diverse and are divided into the following types of actions:

• negative (destructive) - positive (constructive);
• obvious (open aggression) - latent (hidden);
• direct (directed directly to the object) - indirect (influence through other channels);
• ego-syntonic (accepted by the personality itself) - ego-dystonic (condemned by one’s “I”);
• physical (violence against a physical object) - verbal (attack with words);
• hostile (the goal of aggression is immediate harm) - instrumental (hostility is only a means to achieve another goal).

The most common manifestations of aggression in everyday life are raising one's voice, slander, insults, coercion, physical force, and the use of weapons. Hidden forms include harmful inaction, avoidance of contact, self-harm, even suicide.

Who can aggression be directed at?

Attacks of aggression can be directed at:

• exclusively close people - only family members (or one member) are attacked, behavior with others is normal;
• people not from the family circle - teachers, classmates, doctors, etc.;
• oneself - both on one’s own body and personality, occurs in the form of refusal to eat, mutilation, nail biting, etc.;
• animals, insects, birds, etc.;
• inanimate physical objects - in the form of eating inedible objects;
• symbolic objects - passion for aggressive computer games, collecting weapons, etc.

Causes of aggressive behavior

The reasons for human hostility are also varied and cause controversy among professional psychologists.

Adherents of the biological theory are of the opinion that aggression is:

• innate human reaction associated with (attack is the best defense);
• behavior that arises as a result of the struggle for territory and resources (competition in the personal and professional spheres);
• hereditary property obtained together with the type of nervous system (unbalanced);
• a consequence of hormonal imbalances (excess testosterone or adrenaline);
• a consequence of use (alcohol, nicotine, drugs).

According to the sociobiological approach, people with similar genes contribute to each other's survival, even through self-sacrifice. At the same time, they show aggression towards individuals who are very different from them and contain few common genes. This explains conflict outbreaks between representatives of social, national, religious and professional groups.

Psychosocial theory links increased aggressiveness to a person's quality of life. The worse his condition (not getting enough sleep, hungry, unsatisfied with life), the more hostile he is.

Factors influencing the level of aggressiveness

According to social theory, aggression is a human property acquired throughout life. Moreover, it develops against the background of the following factors:

• (frequent quarrels between parents, use of physical force on children, lack of parental attention);
• daily display and propaganda of violence on television and other media.

Psychologists also closely link factors of human aggression with the following personal qualities:

• dominant style of behavior;
• increased anxiety;
• tendency to detect hostility in the actions of other individuals;
• increased or, conversely, decreased self-control;
• decreased self-esteem and frequent infringement of self-esteem;
• complete lack of potential, including creativity.

How to deal with an aggressor?

Aggression is an action usually aimed at destruction. Therefore, it is necessary to remember some basic rules of behavior with a negative individual:

1. If a person is in strong psychological arousal, and the problem is minor, try to move the conversation to another topic, reschedule the discussion, that is, get away from the irritating conversation.
2. It will have a positive effect on mutual understanding if the parties to the conflict look at the problem from the outside, with an unbiased look.
3. It is necessary to try to understand the aggressor. If the cause is up to you, take possible measures to eliminate it.
4. Sometimes it is helpful to show the aggressor empathy and understanding.
5. It also helps to agree with him in those points where he is really right.

Determine what type the aggressor belongs to

Specific methods of countering hostility depend directly on the type of personality of the aggressor:

1. Type "Tank". Very rude and direct people who go straight ahead in a conflict situation. If the issue is not very important, it is better to give in or adapt, to let the aggressor let off steam. You cannot question his rightness; you should express your opinion without emotion, because calm usually suppresses the rage of such a person.
2. Bomb type. These subjects are not evil by nature, but they can flare up like children. In the event of an outbreak of hostility, it is necessary to allow the emotions of such a person to come out, calm him down and communicate normally further, since this does not happen out of malice and often against the will of the aggressor himself.
3. Sniper type. Due to the lack of actual power, it creates conflicts through intrigue. It is important to present the culprit with evidence of his behind-the-scenes games and then look for a solution to this issue.
4. Horn type. These people criticize everything in the world, from real problems to imaginary ones. They want to be heard. When contacting such an aggressor, you need to let him pour out his soul, agree with his opinion and try to move the conversation in a different direction. When returning to this topic, one should switch his attention from the problem to ways to solve it.
5. “Penknife” type. Such people are often ready to help and give in on many issues. However, this happens only in words, but in practice the opposite is true. When communicating with them, you need to insist on the importance for you of the truth on their part.

How to get rid of discomfort after communication?

In the modern world, people have quite high level aggression. This implies the need to properly respond to other people’s attacks, as well as control one’s own psycho-emotional state.

At the moment of a hostile reaction, you need to take a deep breath and exhale, count to ten, which will allow you to abstract from the momentary outburst of emotions and look at the situation rationally. Telling your opponent about your negative feelings is also useful. If all this does not help, you can throw out excess anger using one of the following activities:

• sports, yoga or active games in the fresh air;
• picnic in nature;
• relaxation in a karaoke bar or disco;
• general cleaning (you can even rearrange it) in the house;
• writing all the negative things on paper and then destroying it (you need to tear it up or burn it);
• you can break dishes or just a pillow (this option is much cheaper);
• conversation with the closest and, most importantly, understanding people;
• crying also provides tangible emotional release;
• in the end, you can just do what you love, it will undoubtedly lift your spirits.

In more severe cases, a person cannot cope with negative emotions on his own. Then you need to contact a psychotherapist or psychologist. A specialist will help you recognize the causes of this condition, define aggression in each specific case, and also find individual methods for solving this issue.

Causes of childhood aggression

Very important aspect One that cannot be ignored is teenage aggression. It is very important for parents to figure out what caused this behavior, because this will make it possible to correct the child’s reactions in the future. Children's hostility has similar causes to adults, but it also has some peculiarities. The main ones include:

• desire to get something;
• desire to dominate;
• attracting the attention of other children;
• self-affirmation;
• defensive reaction;
• gaining a sense of superiority by humiliating others;
• revenge.

Aggressive behavior of adolescents in half of the cases is the result of miscalculations in upbringing, insufficient or excessive influence, unwillingness to understand the child, or a simple lack of time. This character is formed under an authoritarian type of parental influence, as well as in dysfunctional families.

Aggression in adolescents also occurs in the presence of a number of psychological factors:

• low level of intelligence and communication skills;
• primitivism of gaming activities;
• poor self-control skills;
• problems with peers;
• low self-esteem.

Left to chance, aggression on the part of a child can develop into open conflicts in the future, even in adulthood. Child psychology identifies almost the same types of hostility as adults. Therefore, we will dwell in more detail on the issues of combating it, which has some differences from cases with adults.

The child has?

The most important rule in education is following a personal example. A child will never respond to parents’ demands that are at odds with their own actions.

The reaction to aggression should not be immediate and cruel. The child will take his anger out on others, hiding his real emotions from his parents. But there should be no connivance, since children sense uncertainty on the part of their parents very well.

Aggressive behavior of adolescents requires timely prevention, namely the systematic and controlled formation of trusting and friendly relationships. Strength and weakness on the part of the parent will only make the situation worse; only sincerity and trust will really help.

Specific steps to combat aggression in a child include the following:

1. Teach him self-control.
2. Develop skills to behave in conflict situations.
3. Teach your child to express negative emotions in an appropriate form.
4. Instill in him understanding and empathy for other people.

Aggression is an attack motivated by destructive behavior that contradicts all norms of human coexistence and harms the targets of the attack, causing moral and physical harm to people, causing psychological discomfort. From the perspective of psychiatry, aggression in humans is considered a method of psychological defense against a traumatic and unfavorable situation. It can also be a way of psychological release, as well as self-affirmation.

Aggression causes damage not only to an individual, an animal, but also to an inanimate object. Aggressive behavior in humans is considered in the following sections: physical - verbal, direct - indirect, active - passive, benign - malignant.

Causes of aggression

Aggressive behavior in humans can be caused by a variety of reasons.

The main causes of aggression in humans:

- abuse of alcohol, as well as drugs that weaken the nervous system, which provokes the development of an aggressive, inadequate reaction to minor situations;

- problems of a personal nature, unsettled personal life (lack of a life partner, a feeling of loneliness, intimate problems that cause, and later turn into an aggressive state and manifest themselves at every mention of the problem);

- mental trauma received in childhood (neurosis received in childhood due to poor parental relations);

- strict upbringing provokes future manifestations of aggressiveness towards children;

- passion for watching quest games and thrillers;

- overwork, refusal to rest.

Aggressive behavior is observed in a number of mental and nervous disorders. This condition is observed in patients with epilepsy, schizophrenia, due to injuries and organic lesions of the brain, meningitis, encephalitis, psychosomatic disorders, neurasthenia, epileptoid psychopathy.

The causes of aggression are subjective factors (customs, revenge, historical memory, extremism, fanaticism of some religious movements, image strong man introduced through the media, and even the psychological individual traits of politicians).

Exists erroneous opinion regarding the fact that aggressive behavior is more characteristic of people with mental illness. There is evidence that only 12% of people who committed aggressive acts and were referred for a forensic psychiatric examination were diagnosed with mental illness. In half of the cases, aggressive behavior was a manifestation, and in the rest, inappropriate aggressive reactions were noted. In fact, in all cases there is an exaggerated reaction to circumstances.

Observation of teenagers has shown that television perpetuates an aggressive state through crime programs, which further enhances the effect. Sociologists, such as Carolyn Wood Sheriff, challenge the popular belief that sports act as ersatz war without bloodshed. Long-term observations of teenagers at a summer camp showed that sports competitions not only do not reduce mutual aggressiveness, but only intensify it. An interesting fact was discovered about the removal of aggressiveness in adolescents. Working together in the camp not only united the teenagers, but also helped relieve mutual aggressive tension.

Types of aggression

A. Bass, as well as A. Darkey, identified the following types of aggression in humans:

- physical, when direct force is used to inflict physical and moral damage on the enemy;

- irritation manifests itself in readiness for negative feelings; indirect aggression is characterized in a roundabout way and is directed at another person;

- negativism is an oppositional manner of behavior, marked by passive resistance to active struggle, directed against established laws and customs;

- verbal aggression is expressed in negative feelings through such forms as screeching, screaming, through verbal responses (threats, curses);

Growing up is a difficult stage in the life of every teenager. The child wants independence, but is often afraid of it and is not ready for it. Because of this, the teenager has contradictions that he is not able to sort out on his own. At such moments, the main thing is not to distance yourself from the children, to show tolerance, not to criticize, to talk only as equals, to try to calm them down, to understand them, to understand the problem.

Aggression in adolescents manifests itself in the following types:

- hyperactive - a motor-disinhibited teenager who is brought up in a family in an atmosphere of permissiveness of the “idol” type. To correct behavior, it is necessary to build a system of restrictions using game situations with mandatory rules;

- an exhausted and touchy teenager who is characterized by increased sensitivity, irritability, touchiness, and vulnerability. Behavior correction includes relieving mental stress (hitting something, noisy play);

- an oppositional-defiant teenager who shows rudeness towards people he knows, parents who are not role models. The teenager transfers his mood and problems onto these people. Behavior modification involves problem solving in collaboration;

- an aggressive-fearful teenager who is hostile and suspicious. Correction includes working with fears, modeling a dangerous situation with the child, overcoming it;

- an aggressively insensitive child who is not characterized by emotional responsiveness, sympathy, and empathy. Correction includes stimulating humane feelings and developing children's responsibility for their actions.

Aggression in adolescents has the following causes: learning difficulties, shortcomings in upbringing, characteristics of the maturation of the nervous system, lack of cohesion in the family, lack of closeness between the child and parents, the negative nature of relationships between sisters and brothers, family leadership style. Children from families where there is discord, alienation, and coldness are most prone to aggression. Communication with peers and imitation of older schoolchildren also contributes to the development of this condition.

Some psychologists believe that teenage aggressiveness can be suppressed as childish, but there are nuances here. In childhood, the social circle is limited only by parents, who independently correct aggressive behavior, and in adolescence, the social circle becomes wider. This circle expands to include other teenagers with whom the child communicates as equals, which is not the case at home. Hence the problems in families. A group of peers considers him an independent, separate and unique person, where his opinion is taken into account, but at home the teenager is classified as an unreasonable child and his opinion is not taken into account.

How to respond to aggression? To extinguish aggression, parents need to try to understand their child, accept his position if possible, listen, and help without criticism.

It is important to eliminate aggression from the family, where it is the norm between adults. Even as a child grows up, parents act as role models. For parents of brawlers, the child will grow up to be the same in the future, even if the adults do not clearly express aggression in front of the teenager. The feeling of aggressiveness occurs on a sensory level. It is possible that a teenager grows up quiet and downtrodden, but the consequences of family aggression will be as follows: a cruel, aggressive tyrant will grow up. To prevent such an outcome, it is necessary to consult a psychologist to correct aggressive behavior.

Prevention of aggression in adolescents includes: the formation of a certain range of interests, involvement in positive activities (music, reading, sports), involvement in socially recognized activities (sports, work, art, organization), avoiding manifestations of force in relation to the teenager, discussing problems together, listening to feelings of children, lack of criticism, reproaches.

Parents must always remain tolerant, loving, gentle, communicate on equal terms with teenagers and remember that if you move away from your child now, it will be very difficult to get closer later.

Aggression in men

Male aggression is strikingly different from female aggression in its attitudes. Men resort mainly to an open form of aggression. They often experience much less anxiety, as well as feelings of guilt during periods of aggression. For them, aggression is a means of achieving their goals or a unique model of behavior.

Most scientists who have studied human social behavior have suggested that aggression in men is determined by genetic reasons. This behavior made it possible to pass on one’s genes from generation to generation, defeat rivals and find a partner for procreation. Scientists Kenrick, Sadalla, Vershour, as a result of research, found that women consider leadership and dominance of men to be attractive qualities for themselves.

Increased aggression in men occurs due to social as well as cultural factors, or more precisely, in the absence of a culture of behavior and the need to demonstrate confidence, strength and independence.

Women's aggression

Women often use psychological implicit aggression; they are worried about what kind of resistance the victim may give them. Women resort to aggression during outbursts of anger to relieve mental and nervous tension. Women, being social creatures, have emotional sensitivity, friendliness and empathy, and their aggressive behavior is not as pronounced as men's.

Aggression in older women baffles loving relatives. Often this type disorders are classified as signs if there are no obvious reasons for such behavior. Attacks of aggression in women are characterized by a change in character and an increase in negative traits.

Aggression in women is often provoked by the following factors:

- congenital hormonal deficiency caused by pathology early development, which leads to mental disorders;

- emotional negative experiences of childhood (sexual violence, abuse), victimization of intra-family aggression, as well as the pronounced role of the victim (husband);

- hostile relationship with mother, childhood mental trauma.

Aggression in the elderly

The most common disorder in older people is aggression. The reason is a narrowing of the circle of perception, as well as a false interpretation of the events of an elderly person who is gradually losing touch with society. This is caused by a decrease in memory for current events. For example, stolen items or missing money. Such situations cause problems in family relationships. It is very difficult to convey to an elderly person with memory impairment that the missing item will be found because it was placed in another place.

Aggression in the elderly manifests itself in emotional disturbances - grumpiness, irritability, protest reactions to everything new, a tendency to conflict, groundless insults and accusations.

The state of aggression is often caused by atrophic processes and vascular diseases of the brain (). These changes often go unnoticed by relatives and others, being attributed to “ bad character" A competent assessment of the condition and the correct selection of therapy allows one to achieve good results in establishing peace in the family.

Husband's aggression

Family disagreements and strong husband aggression are the most discussed topics in consultations with psychologists. Conflicts and disagreements that provoke mutual aggression among spouses are as follows:

- uncoordinated, unfair division of labor in the family;

- different understanding of rights and responsibilities;

- insufficient contribution of one of the family members to household work;

— chronic dissatisfaction of needs;

- shortcomings, defects in upbringing, discrepancies in mental worlds.

All family conflicts arise for the following reasons:

- dissatisfaction with the intimate needs of one of the spouses;

- dissatisfaction with the need for significance and value of one’s “I” (violation of self-esteem, neglectful, as well as disrespectful attitude, insults, insults, incessant criticism);

- dissatisfaction with positive emotions(lack of tenderness, affection, care, understanding, attention, psychological alienation of spouses);

- addiction to gambling, alcoholic beverages of one of the spouses, as well as hobbies that lead to unreasonable waste of money;

— financial disagreements between spouses (issues of family support, mutual budget, each person’s contribution to material support);

— dissatisfaction with the need for mutual support, mutual assistance, the need for cooperation and cooperation associated with the division of labor, housekeeping, and child care;

— dissatisfaction with needs and interests in leisure and recreation.

As you can see, there are many reasons for conflict, and each family can identify its own pain points from this list.

Sociological studies have found that men are most sensitive to material and everyday problems and difficulties of adaptation at the beginning family life. If a husband has male problems, then often the whole family suffers from this, but the wife suffers the most. Feeling his powerlessness, a man looks for the culprit and in this case it turns out to be a woman. The accusations are based on the fact that the wife is no longer arousing as before, she has gained weight, and has stopped taking care of herself.

The husband's aggression is expressed in petty nagging, dictatorship, provocations, and family quarrels. Often this is a consequence of dissatisfaction, as well as lack of self-confidence.

The reason for the husband’s aggression lies in his complexes and in no case are the wife’s shortcomings and behavior to blame. Having analyzed the form of manifestation of the husband’s aggression, one can find that it can be verbal, in which there is a demonstration of negative emotions (insults, rudeness). This behavior is typical of domestic tyrants.

A husband's aggression can be indirect and expressed in malicious remarks, offensive jokes, jokes, and pettiness. Lies, threats and refusal to help are also expressions of indirect aggression. Deceitful and evading husbands get their way with the help of hysterics and threats. This behavior is typical of despots, psychopaths, brawlers, and torturers. Men with personality disorders are very difficult, both for communication and for family life. Some husbands show cruelty (physical and moral).

Most women try to improve relations with their aggressor husband, but all attempts to improve the relationship and the desire to learn to understand the aggressor, as well as to become happier with him, come to a dead end.

The main mistakes made by a woman with an aggressor husband:

- often shares her fears and hopes, counting on understanding, giving her husband the opportunity to once again be convinced that she is weak and defenseless;

- constantly share your plans and interests with the aggressor, giving your husband another opportunity to criticize and condemn her;

- often the victim wife tries to find common topics for conversation, but in response she receives silence and coldness;

— the woman mistakenly believes that the aggressor will rejoice at her successes in life.

These paradoxes indicate that all a woman’s aspirations for internal growth and improvement of relationships with her aggressor husband only worsen the situation. An interesting fact is that the aggressor, when scolding a woman, describes exactly himself in the accusations that he attributes to her.

Fighting aggression

What to do when you feel aggression? You should not put up with the tyranny of your spouse, because you cause great damage to yourself and your self-esteem. You do not have to endure attacks, bad temper, supposedly from a stranger. You are an independent person with the same rights as your husband. You have the right to emotional peace, rest, and respect for yourself.

How to treat aggression?

It is important for the aggressor himself to understand the reason that prompted him to such behavior. If you persuade your husband to consult a psychologist, you will receive recommendations from a specialist on eliminating aggression from your life. However, if the husband’s personality anomaly is pronounced and further cohabitation is unbearable, then the best option would be divorce. Husbands of the tyrant category do not understand well, so you should not indulge them. The more you give in to them, the more brazenly they behave.

Why is it necessary to fight aggression? Because nothing passes without a trace, and every painful injection causes certain damage to the female psyche, even if the woman finds excuses for her tyrant, forgives and forgets the insult. After some time, the husband will again find a reason to offend his wife. And a woman will try to maintain peace at any cost.

Constant insults, as well as humiliation, negatively affect women’s self-esteem, and, in the end, a woman begins to admit that she doesn’t know how to do much. Thus, he develops an inferiority complex.

An adequate normal man should help a woman, support her in everything, and not constantly humiliate her and poke her nose at her shortcomings. Constant nagging and reproaches will affect the general tone and mood and disrupt a woman’s peace of mind, which will have to be restored with the help of specialists.

Good afternoon A child (son) 1 year 10 months shows aggression, endless tantrums with or without cause. If we are in a company with children, then he bites, pushes, hits, hugs everyone with such force that he almost strangles them, and takes away all the toys. He reacts to the word “can’t” with hysterics, lies on the floor and yells, freaks out. I try to calm him down and explain that this is not possible, and he starts hitting and biting me. Yes, sometimes he just lies down next to me and starts kicking me. He doesn't offend anyone else in the family except me. I don’t know how to behave with him anymore...

• Good afternoon, Anastasia. The development of children from 1 to 2 years of life is complicated by a number of crises associated with growing up. At this stage of development, the child begins to feel himself as an individual separate from the mother and to get to know himself, to look for his own “I”. Each new children's achievement is a kind of leap. Often, in some children, such mini-crises provoke so-called behavioral failures. For example, some children become capricious or have trouble sleeping.
  Most psychologists are convinced that the only period in which hysterics are acceptable is when a toddler is one year old. After all, he does not have enough vocabulary to explain his desires and behavior, and hysterics are his usual way of behaving. He simply doesn’t know any other way. Just a couple of months ago, all he had to do was whine, and his parents would immediately run to him, calm him down, console him, and fulfill his wishes. And today, although he has matured a little, he still does not know any other way to attract attention. You need to understand that the toddler himself will not be able to cope with hysteria, he simply will not be able to calm down on his own, so you should pick up the child and hold him close. But shouting, slapping the butt, swearing is wrong and harmful to further development children.

Good afternoon.
I have self-aggression. I know for sure because I have been suffering from this for a long time. I have a five-year-old son and I try to restrain myself...I try very hard.... however, sometimes I can’t resist and my son hears... and comes from the other room and asks “Mom, why are you beating yourself?”... we need to do something about it...
Is there any over-the-counter medication I can take to take the course?
I don’t want to go to specialists - I’m afraid that they’ll lock me up in a mental hospital and take my son away. The long period of restraint is 7-10 days, then I still have a breakdown... and PMS has nothing to do with it.
Thank you

• Hello Tatiana. We recommend that you contact a private specialist regarding your problem. The paid clinic ensures anonymity, the psychiatrist will help you understand yourself and your personality problems.
  Understanding why you harm yourself is the first step towards recovery. If you identify the reason why you physically harm yourself, you can find new ways to cope with your feelings, which in turn will reduce the desire to harm yourself.

  • thanks for the answer!
    Do I need a psychiatrist or psychologist or neurologist?

    • Tatyana, in your case, a psychotherapist is the best option.

Good afternoon. I probably won’t be original in my problem, but I would like to hear an assessment and advice regarding my specific situation.
Married for over 20 years. The relationship with my husband is good, except for the outbursts of anger that occur regularly, once every few months. The same scenario always happens. It begins with his irritability, which manifests itself from several days to a week. He’s the one who’s accumulating anger, that’s what I think. Moreover, he gets irritated at any word, but it is clear that he is trying to restrain himself. Then there comes a moment when this any word becomes the starting point for his scandal. This is the last case in particular. We live outside the city. I came from the city and brought my child from school. Saturday. He is sitting preparing lunch. He loves to cook. He does it with pleasure. Released the dogs from the enclosures. We have 5 Central Asian Shepherds. A neighbor arrived. They ran to the fence and barked at the neighbor. I'm nervous. I say that you can’t let everyone out into the yard at once. God forbid anything happens. The husband says he will drive them out soon. And if I need it, I can do it myself. I say that I can’t do it myself, because I’m sick (chondrosis has broken, it hurts to turn), and it started. Potatoes flew into the wall, and accusations that I sent the food, ruined everything, a bastard and the last person in the whole wide world. I turned around, told my son to start the car, and went to round up the dogs myself. I took two of them away, put the third on a leash, my husband came out and started shouting that I was taking this dog to the wrong place. I got behind the wheel and asked for the gate remote control. He said there was no remote control. Although he has it in his pocket. I turned around and left through the task gate.
I never raised my voice. The only thing she said was that I didn’t see my fault. In the evening I wrote to him that he was causing me pain and resentment. But there is no anger towards him. He didn't answer.
Then our next scenario begins. Now we won't talk to each other for a long time. He seriously believes that he is absolutely right. Ends up having to talk at work. (we work together in our organization).
Then again dear, beloved, sun until next time. Please tell me if there is a model of behavior to avoid these aggressive outbursts. Sometimes I fear for the lives of my children and myself. Because when he is furious, he flies with such force that it becomes scary.

• Hello Olga. Your problem is clear. We recommend changing your attitude towards your husband’s periodic aggressive outbursts - stop being offended, experiencing psychological discomfort and proving something. No matter how hard you try, they will still repeat themselves. This does not depend on your behavior or the behavior of your children.
  “In the evening I wrote to him that he was causing me pain and resentment. But there is no anger towards him. He didn't answer." “There’s no point in explaining anything to my husband either.” His aggression is a psychological release. Try to anticipate your husband’s condition and not support the conflict in any form.

My husband has attacks of aggression, mainly if I am not happy with the fact that he drinks at work or on vacation with the same group of employees. In my opinion, they drink often, only 10-15 people have birthdays, not to mention holidays. My husband is 53 years old, has hypertension, and constantly takes pills to lower his blood pressure. I don’t think alcohol contributes to his health and longevity, and of course I say that it’s unpleasant for me. 5 years ago he quit smoking, before that he smoked all the time. Now he constantly reproaches me for this during quarrels. This seems strange to me, I say that if he only did this for me, and now this is his “trump card” argument in our dialogues, then why such sacrifices, I don’t need them. He says that I control him, that almost everyone laughs at him... And what is masculine strength - I want to smoke and drink - it’s my business - you sit quietly, or what? I’m not talking about the fact that there are people who never drink of their own free will, do not drink in groups, but attend corporate events, and are generally the soul of the company (I had such an employee). I don’t see any heroism here; a person does this of his own free will. Today we were at another corporate party, company day, I Lately I don’t conduct conversations on the topic, I drank or didn’t drink, it’s good for you after that or it’s bad…. I arrived, I said that I would call at least once a day, just like that, say hello, how are you... I didn’t even say anything else, and in general I didn’t intend to... God, what started here: throwing things, motherfucker, that I’m already for him... that he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, and I’m making it work for him here, I almost pulled down the interior doors. I was scared that he was going to beat me up, but he flew out, slamming the front door to God knows where... I have no one to turn to, my parents are no longer alive, my brothers and sisters are gone, my cousins ​​are far away, they have families, children, grandchildren, but what about a friend? tell me. I don’t understand what I’m guilty of, what’s wrong with hearing a kind word from the person you live with just one in a day, isn’t that normal? I'm trying to adequately assess the situation and figure it out. If a person considers himself henpecked just because he takes into account his wife’s opinion, or calls her once a day, in my opinion this is not normal. Now I kind of have to be on alert all the time, choose my words, what if I do something to shake his self-esteem again... This is not life - in constant tension, and the expectation that he will be “offended” again. At the same time, oddly enough, my husband is the breadwinner in the family, the head of the enterprise, I also earn money, but less, which seems normal. What's wrong and what should I do?

• Hello, Tasha.
  “I arrived, I said that I would call at least once a day, just like that, say hello, how are you... I didn’t even say anything else”
  With these words you unconsciously tried to make him feel guilty and they served as a trigger for his aggression. The husband may have already arrived in a bad mood or is subconsciously always ready for the next claims, and these words were enough to throw out aggression on you.
  “I don’t understand what I’m guilty of, what’s wrong with hearing a kind word from the person you live with just one in a day, isn’t that normal?” - Of course you're right. But forcing a man to express his attention to you in this way is also wrong. You yourself can show attention, care towards your husband, speak kind words and tell him, if possible, when he is in a good mood, that you miss him and can barely restrain yourself from calling him when he is at work. During the conversation, monitor your spouse’s reaction so as not to aggravate the situation and switch the conversation to another topic in time.
  “Now I kind of have to be on alert all the time, choose my words, what if I do something to shake his self-esteem again... This is not life - in constant tension, and the expectation that he will be “offended” again.” Unfortunately, this happens very often. After all, men are very proud, vulnerable and touchy. And the key to a happy life in marriage is the ability to shut up in time.

Hello! In our family, unfortunately, the following situation has developed... I have an older brother (I am 25, my brother is 35 years old). My first memories of his manifestation of aggression are that he fought with his middle brother (he is now 33), but at that time I was still very young and it seemed to me that it brought him pleasure - to hurt his own brother. When I was about six years old, I remember how my brother hit my mother for the first time, he was chasing her to hit her, and was talking some kind of nonsense. At that time he played and sang at weddings, and naturally tried alcohol for the first time. When I was at school, I heard quarrels between my parents and my drunken brother, I was sent to another room and locked in just in case, you never know... And this “you never know” happened from time to time, my brother got into a fight with his sick father and mother... By the way - parents never! they didn’t fight, they quarreled occasionally, like all normal people, but dad or mom never allowed themselves too much.
Over the years, everything became even worse... My brother allowed me to give up on my mother, father, brother, wife... My father became weaker over the years, his illness affected him very much, but this did not stop his brother. Thanks to one of these blows, the middle brother developed a hemotoma in the abdominal cavity, which grew into a tumor, and he almost died. I know of an incident where he almost drowned his wife in the bathtub. Their child is sick with a brain tumor.
I can, of course, tell many more cases, but... He often drinks with friends, for them he is the life of the party, always cheerful, can make anyone laugh. At the same time, one cannot call him an alcoholic, since he conscientiously runs his own business and works hard. In a drunken state, it can start halfway, just look at it the wrong way. He only shows aggression towards his own people!!! When you try to talk to him about what happened, he doesn’t want to talk about it at all, because he doesn’t feel guilty at all. And often he doesn’t remember what he did at all, or simply pretends... He never asks for forgiveness for what he did. When you try to talk about the fact that he seriously offended his mother or did something else, he immediately breaks into a scream and screams to the last. He believes that he does everything, almost feeds and clothes everyone. Everything around is d... mo, and he is the “navel of the earth.” And all this comes out in a very loud monologue; if you try to object to him, you will hear the scream even louder.
I’ve been living in the capital for 7 years now and I don’t depend on anyone... My father recently died, my brother’s wife is pregnant with their second child, my mother lives in our parents’ house with my middle brother... But! I can’t live in peace, because I know that my older brother is tyrannizing everyone there! And he absolutely does not admit that he has problems with alcohol, and even more so with nerves or the psyche... And he does not admit it. I am very afraid for the health and emotional state of my loved ones, as he does not allow them to live in peace. But I can’t imagine how to deal with this problem, since my brother refuses the help of specialists... Please advise me, because I’m in despair!

• Hello, Anastasia. According to the description, your older brother is very close to a representative of the excitable type of character accentuation. Which is characterized by instinctiveness and what the mind suggests is not taken into account by such a person, and the desire to satisfy momentary desires, needs, instinctive impulses becomes decisive.
  Knowing this, we can recommend to you and all your loved ones not to criticize him, not to touch his personality in conversations, not to discuss his actions, not to remind him of past mistakes. Since all efforts will be useless, and it will be quite easy to run into his high impulsiveness and irritability. Such people need to be tolerated if necessary, but generally in society communication with such people is avoided if they show their temper and do not restrain themselves.

Problem with mother. He constantly rushes at me, swears for no reason, threatens me with physical harm, and has even gone as far as assault. She starts yelling wildly out of nowhere, doesn’t want to listen to anyone, everyone is to blame for her, etc. Always judging those around me, literally looking for something to cling to and pouring it all out on me. He doesn’t make any contact when talking, he sees only one thing in everything: “you’re trying to contradict me, #@*#@???” and starts even more. There are moments of calm when he even tries to improve relations, but it all ends in reproaches and using everything he learns against me. These reproaches and scandals hit where it hurts. If suddenly a scandal begins because of some lost thing, then it doesn’t matter whether I’m to blame for it or not, I never apologize for empty attacks. What to do?? How to find an approach?? How to calm a hysterical person?

• Hello, Alina. It is recommended to eliminate attacks of anger by switching attention to something pleasant or distracting for the aggressor and, of course, not to provoke him, since the breakdown of negative emotions on the immediate environment is akin to a drug and they give the aggressor great pleasure.

Hello. Here's the problem I have. I’m 23. My father left early, although he fully participated in my brother’s and my upbringing, our childhood was difficult, it wasn’t easy for my mother to pull us along, and subsequently there was no love for the rest of the world, something like a child’s complex. I am extremely hot-tempered, an absolutely happy mood easily changes to an extremely hostile state, but I have never shown aggression towards strangers, only in case of protecting yourself or your family. I work a lot, and this is associated with constant physical and moral stress, which is why I always lashed out at those around me (family, girlfriend, close friends). But recently everything has changed a lot. Now there is no aggression towards close people, I don’t lose my temper, I try to be softer, don’t get worked up somewhere, I quickly calm down. BUT! As soon as I hear something addressed to me from a stranger, not necessarily an insult, any provocation, I suddenly have a feeling of HUGE hatred, it’s like adrenaline or a state before fainting, I can’t calm down until... but here it ends in different ways, but in most cases until my “enemy” is on the floor. And I understand later that I didn’t seem to hear anything particularly offensive addressed to me, but at that moment it felt like he was threatening me with death, and I couldn’t help but defend myself. Later I will realize and understand everything, but the feeling that I did everything right will not leave me, I cannot convince myself of this and no one can. By the way, now something else has appeared, in terms of intimacy, now the preference is more towards, well, let’s say not exactly, but a little towards rough intimacy, well, of course, not in relation to me, I have become a little rougher. No, my girlfriend likes it, of course, but I just noticed this in myself. And I’m writing all this only because for the first time I felt scared, not of consequences, not of responsibility, no, I became scared of myself, that I couldn’t control myself at the moment of aggression, I couldn’t calm down. Thank you for your help.

• Hello, Alexander. Most likely, you are characterized by an excitable type of character accentuation (an extreme version of the norm), which is expressed in weak control and insufficient controllability of your own drives and impulses. Therefore, it is very difficult for you to restrain yourself in a state of emotional excitement and not get irritated. There is no need to be afraid of your condition. Now you know that such a type exists, and you are one of it.
  Moral principles do not matter for this type, and in outbursts of anger there is an increase in aggressiveness, which is accompanied by an intensification of corresponding actions. The reactions of excitable individuals are impulsive. What is decisive for the behavior and lifestyle of such a person is not prudence, not the logical weighing of one’s actions, but desires, uncontrollable impulses.
  Therefore, we recommend avoiding extreme situations in which conflict is possible or situations where your behavior, business, or personal qualities are criticized.
  Your types prefer athletic sports, where they can release pent-up energy or aggression.
  “But recently things have changed a lot. Now there is no aggression towards close people, I don’t lose my temper, I try to be softer, not to get into trouble” - Gradually, with age, you will become softer. Of course, this will depend directly on your immediate environment, your social circle. A personality of your type often carefully chooses his social circle, surrounding himself with weaker ones in order to lead them.
  Try to get plenty of rest, don't overwork yourself, and avoid starting difficult tasks when you're in a bad mood or tired, as behavior problems may occur in such situations. Don't rely on society great hopes and expectations. The world is not ideal and it cannot be changed. People tend not to “filter” their words, which mean a lot in life.
  Meditation, auto-training, yoga can help you find peace of mind and be more stress-resistant.

Hello. I have an atypical situation, I am dating a girl, she is 19 years old. We’ve been dating for about 2 years, she has a very difficult relationship with her mother and grandmother, she doesn’t have a father, she always had quarrels with her mother, she just had crazy hysterics, it even got to the point of assault, about a year ago she moved in with me. At the beginning of the relationship, when there were disagreements or even minor quarrels, she became uncontrollable, a stream of aggression, swearing, insults and humiliation addressed to me, although I myself never even called her a fool, let alone swearing. Always in a conflict I tried to calm down and find out the reason for this behavior, she always says that she cannot control herself, that after she does not express everything to me, only then she calms down, and it does not necessarily have to be our quarrel. She quarrels with her mother and takes her anger out on me, responds rudely and swears. After my threats to break off the relationship, she calmed down more or less, but still during quarrels a stream of obscenities, insults, etc. emanates from her. The last time in the shopping center, where she and I and my friend were, she started screaming across the entire floor at me because I didn’t wait for her and followed me and screamed all the way to the exit. Everyone turned to look at us, and she didn’t react in any way to my friend’s and my requests not to shout and to calm down. Another type of behavior is to run away from me through the streets, even in unfamiliar cities, where she can get lost. Even during quarrels, he sometimes threatens to kill himself, especially when I talk about breaking up. I was very tired of this and began to show defensive aggression towards her myself, began to respond to her scream with a scream, damaged furniture from aggression, and after I showed aggression, she quickly calmed down and was the first to make peace and ask for forgiveness.. Tell me if changes for the better are possible or should you think about breaking up?

• Hello, Ruslan. You need to stop the girl’s manipulation, because as soon as she realized that you were capable of counter-aggression, she got scared and changed her behavior pattern.
  Tell her directly that you understand the complexity of the situation regarding her loved ones and communication with them, but you will not allow you to be treated this way. Either she changes internally, learns self-control, signs up for yoga, goes to see a psychologist, independently studies her problem, or you will be forced to end such a relationship.
  “Even during quarrels, he sometimes threatens to kill himself, especially when I talk about breaking up.” “This is a skillful game of a neurotic manipulative, allowing him to achieve his goals. And you need to keep the priority of your interests in mind.
  Calmly ask her the question: what will you gain from it if you kill yourself? Who will benefit from this? Let her understand that you are not familiar with remorse and that your relationship with her has strengthened you internally, so you will not grieve for a long time, but will quickly find a replacement for her. Therefore, it may make sense for her to change, stop blackmailing you and start respecting you as a person.

  • Thank you very much for your answer, now the problem and the seriousness of the situation have become clearer to me, because I repeatedly told her about restraining myself, about a psychologist, about internal changes, she seemed to be trying to control herself at first, but after a while everything started again again , and if quarrels with hysterics already occur less frequently, but they are becoming more and more difficult, and to any of my arguments about her unreasonable aggression, that the conflict can be calmly resolved, she replies that I am so bad and brought her to such a state.. she tells me it seems she just doesn’t want to change and really sees that I’m succumbing to her manipulations, I’ll try to send her or go with her to a psychologist or psychotherapist, if there are no results, then apparently I’ll have to break off the relationship

    Again I turn to you, I tried to behave as you advised, when asked to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist, she laughs and says that she is not a psychopath, and an attempt to stop her manipulations, in particular ignoring her, led to her going out onto the 12th floor balcony and I blackmailed her that she would dump her, she is unbalanced, when I break up with her I am afraid that I might actually commit suicide, what can be done either in terms of referring her to a psychologist or in terms of a safe separation?

    • Either you can help her decide to seek help (exactly how to do this - you should know better, since you have been living with her for two years), or you will suffer from her inappropriate behavior all the time you spend together... Without face-to-face help She definitely won’t need a specialist. There is simply nothing to add to what was written earlier without seeing the patient.

      You need to break up with her while there are no children. My daughter is almost the same and doesn’t want to change. If earlier she asked for forgiveness for, so to speak, bad behavior, then over the years she began to believe that everyone in the family was to blame. Ruslan, you can’t change her in any way, don’t waste time on her, life will be poisoned with such a girl. There should be peace and order in the house, love and minor quarrels (you can’t live without them) and most importantly, find a girl so that you are drawn to her and so that you are not ashamed of her behavior.

      You need to break up with her while there are no children. My daughter is almost the same and doesn’t want to change. If earlier she asked for forgiveness for, so to speak, bad behavior, then over the years she began to believe that everyone in the family was to blame. Ruslan, you can’t change her in any way, don’t waste time on her, life will be poisoned with such a girl. There should be peace and order in the house, love and minor quarrels (you can’t live without them), and most importantly, find a girl so that you are drawn to her and so that you are not ashamed of her behavior.

My husband and I have been together for 2 years. For the first six months, I was happy that a loving, attentive, affectionate man was with me, carried me in his arms, and blew away specks of dust. There were, of course, quarrels, but minor ones. The only thing that always amazed me was that during the conflict he could say such words to me that it’s difficult to even describe. But she didn’t pay much attention to it. The first time he laid his hand on me was after drinking enough alcohol. It was unbearable. I was in a closed room for 3 hours, he beat me, then he took a knife and cut my dress on me, broke a bottle on my head, after which I was already unconscious. I woke up on the balcony in a pool of blood. Seeing that I had regained consciousness, he literally ordered me to wash myself and lie down to sleep next to him. I started to get hysterical, he started beating me again. At some point, the neighbors started breaking down the door and I managed to escape, wrapped in a blanket, and left. I don’t know how, but I forgave him after a couple of months. And everything repeated itself, only the next time he tortured me for several days until the police intervened. But with our laws, there will be real punishment only when he kills. I can only say one thing, all this continues over and over again. I turned into a dog and I know that I will forgive him again. I know it's my fault, but maybe there is a way to cure it. I'm afraid that he will kill me soon. Tell me what can be done!!?

• Taisiya, you and only you can make yourself happy. Only you can change your life. You are now a victim, you need to urgently contact a specialist if you yourself are not capable. And my advice is to RUN AWAY from this asshole!!! As soon as possible! I hope you don't have children. Go to your mother, to your friend, there are centers for women who find themselves in difficult situations, or even to the train station! He will always beat you because you endured it! You cannot fight back, leave, run away. But I’m sure you can do it if you want it yourself. Change your life once and for all. And finally stop being a victim. Good luck to you!

How to cope with the aggression of a 9-year-old child with epilepsy. The girl doesn’t want to do her homework, she starts throwing everything, screaming, and may hit her mother. There is no way to deal with it, just trouble. What should we do, please help.

• Hello, Nadezhda. In your case with your daughter, we recommend that you consult a child psychologist. After talking with both you and the girl, the specialist will be able to establish the reasons for aggressive behavior and tell you how to more effectively achieve the desire to learn.

  • Thanks, we think we can try it too. Only I'm a grandmother. My daughter is already exhausted with her. The granddaughter takes Depakine, there are no attacks, and her character has become aggressive during the treatment. And when will this all get better?

My husband and I lived together for 5 years. We are 25 years apart. I am now 39, he is 64. Signs of aggression began to appear after the first 3 months. It seemed to me that it was my fault, I tried to talk, understand the reason and not do it again. Sometimes this was expressed in a furious scream (very, very strong, impossible to convey), sometimes in silence from 2 days to 10-15. As a result, I was always the first to make peace. Over the course of 5 years, similar situations occurred once a month. (on average) The husband never once considered himself guilty the whole time. Moreover, he punished. You don’t know how to behave, I’m going on vacation for the New Year alone. So out of 5 New Year holidays, 2 times I celebrated the New Year at home alone. At the same time, I tried to react differently to his hyper/or or long silence. And I screamed back at first (this turned out to be the most ineffective) and calmly tried to explain how I felt and left for a day or two. Once at the airport we were flying on vacation, I went to the toilet and lingered a little, screaming like mad for about 10 minutes, people began to gather around. I managed to stop only when I said that either you stop or I’m not going. Then on vacation I was silent for 2 weeks. I went separately. The last breakup was because he screamed when I told him what I bought at the grocery store. He yelled that he didn’t want to listen to this, the topic was closed. I tried to justify myself, causing him to go into rage. In the end I said that I couldn’t listen to this anymore. And she left. He said, well, I went to... A month later he called and brought me my things from his dacha. And he said that if you apologize, I will forgive you. I came back 1 day later and apologized. And he said, you have a scandal on your tongue all the time, you can’t stop in time as always, I signaled to you to stop, but you don’t hear what they are saying to you. In general, I go on vacation alone in the summer, but the second autumn vacation is still in question. And we also had tickets to the theater, he said that he wasn’t going to go there alone, he didn’t go alone, and so on. since I may not have time at all. I couldn't stand it and left forever. 3 days have passed. It’s hard, I’m in a lot of pain. I’m trying to calm myself down, maybe he’s not normal?

• Hello Irina. It is clear that your husband has an unstable psyche and is dependent on periodic manifestations of aggression. It doesn’t matter whether it’s you or another wife, he will behave the same way.
  You did everything right by leaving, I don’t understand why you are suffering? In a relationship, he is the tyrant, and you are the victim, and this will always be the case.

  • I suffer because I know that I myself am responsible for everything that happens to me. So I’m trying to understand whether EVERYTHING was done on my part. And also, I love him very much, every finger, every hair... But I understand that I will soon become disabled if I stay. It’s better to “die” once than to do it endlessly. When he quarreled with me, it was like being thrown into hell: “you stop breathing and feeling.”

    I printed out your answer, I’m re-reading it, it becomes a little easier.
    THANK YOU.

My sister and I have a mother born in 1927. She almost lost her memory. She doesn’t recognize some of her loved ones, doesn’t understand where she lives, can’t understand that her husband (our father) died and plus illnesses. My sister takes care of my mother. After the death of her father, her sister does not leave her mother. She quit her job and sleeps with her mother in the same room. She is a doctor, a nurse and a nanny for parents. Look for such daughters. And even before her illness, her mother doted on her. But now everything has turned into a continuous nightmare. It was as if a demon had possessed the mother. She does everything in defiance, picks on food, doesn’t want to take medications, calls her sister names we’ve never heard from her, has already tried to hit her several times and has bitten her twice. My sister also has health problems. WHAT TO DO? How to reduce mom's aggressiveness. You have to hide your knives, but you can’t foresee everything.

• Hello, Yuri. In your case with your mother, you need to seek help from a psychotherapist.

Facts of violence in which harm is caused to specific individuals are called aggression. Every day a person either personally or hears from others about how they have been treated poorly.

If we talk about the moral side of this issue, then aggressive behavior is considered bad, evil, unacceptable. But why does a person allow himself to get angry and hurt himself or others?

What is Aggression?

What is aggression? There are many opinions about what aggression is. Some say that aggression is an instinctive reaction and manifestation of a person. Others argue that aggression is caused by frustration - the desire to discharge. Still others point out that aggression is a social phenomenon when a person learns it from others or is influenced by negative past experiences.

In psychology, aggression is understood as destructive behavior in which a person causes physical harm or creates psychological discomfort to other people. Psychiatry views aggression as a person’s desire to protect himself from an unpleasant and traumatic situation. Aggression is also understood as a way of self-affirmation.

Aggressive behavior is considered to be directed towards a living object. However, the site psychological assistance the site claims that smashing dishes or walls can soon escalate into violence against living beings. Aggression is often equated with rage, anger or anger. However, an aggressive person does not always experience emotions. There are cold-blooded people who become aggressive under the influence of their prejudices, beliefs or views.

What reasons push a person to such behavior? Anger can be directed both at other people and at oneself. The reasons may be different, as well as the forms of manifestation of aggression. Each case is individual. Psychologists note something else: it is important to be able to cope with one’s own aggression, which manifests itself in every person. If someone needs help, they can get it. This is what a psychological help site does, a site where a person can not only read useful information, but also work through his negative aspects, which often interfere with building favorable relationships with others.

Display of aggression

Aggression manifests itself in different ways. Depending on the goal that is achieved by aggressive actions and the methods of the actions committed, aggression can be benign and malignant:

1. Benign aggression refers to courage, courage, ambition, perseverance, and bravery.
2. Malignant aggression refers to violence, rudeness, and cruelty.

Every living creature is aggressive. Every organism contains genes that allow it to show aggression for the sake of survival, to save itself from death. Thus, there is defensive aggression, which occurs at the moment of danger. All living beings have it. When a living organism is in danger, it becomes decisive, runs away, attacks, and defends itself.

In contrast to this aggression, there is a destructive one, which is inherent only to humans. It has no meaning or purpose. It arises only on the basis of the emotions, feelings, thoughts of a person who simply did not like something.

There is another manifestation of aggression – pseudo-aggression. It occurs in situations where a person must make every effort to achieve a goal. For example, during competition, athletes become aggressive to give themselves energy and motivation.

A special manifestation of aggression, which is inherent in all living beings, is the desire to survive. When there is not enough food, there is no intimacy, there is no protection, then the body becomes aggressive. Everything is aimed at survival, which often involves infringement of the boundaries and freedom of other living beings.

Anyone can become aggressive. Often the strong provoke the weak, who then also look for more weak personalities to take it out on them. There is no defense against aggression. In everyone it manifests itself as a reaction to an external stimulus. Both the one who caused it and the one who simply came into contact can become a victim of aggression.

The manifestation of aggression is an expression of dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction. It can be either open, when a person knocks on the table or constantly nags, or hidden - periodic nagging.

Types of aggression

As we consider aggression, we can distinguish its types:

• Physical, when force is used and specific harm is caused to the body.
• Indirect, when irritation is expressed towards another person.
• Resistance to established laws and morals.
• Verbal, when a person verbally shows aggression: screams, threatens, blackmails, etc.
• Envy, hatred, resentment for unfulfilled dreams.
• Suspicion, which manifests itself in distrust of persons when it seems that they are planning something bad.
• Feelings of guilt that arise from the thought that a person is bad.
• Direct – spreading gossip.
• Directed (there is a goal) and disordered (random passers-by become victims).
• Active or passive (“putting spokes in the wheels”).
• Auto-aggression is hatred towards oneself.
• Heteroaggression – anger is directed towards others: violence, threats, murder, etc.
• Instrumental, when aggression is used as a method of achieving a goal.
• Reactive, when it manifests itself as a reaction to some external stimulus.
• Spontaneous, when it manifests itself without good reason. Often occurs as a consequence of internal phenomena, for example, mental illness.
• Motivational (targeted), which is done consciously for the purpose of intentionally causing damage and pain.
• Expressive when it manifests itself in facial expressions, gestures, and a person’s voice. His words and actions do not express aggression, but his body position and tone of voice indicate otherwise.

It's human nature to get angry. And the most important question that worries everyone who has become a victim of someone else’s aggression is why they yelled at him, beat him up, etc.? Everyone is concerned about the reasons for aggressive behavior, especially if the aggressor has not explained anything. And how different aggression can be has already been discussed.

Causes of aggression

There are many reasons for aggressive behavior. Aggression can be different and happens in different situations, so you often need to look at the complex of everything that happens in order to understand the motives of a person’s actions.

1. Substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc.). Under the influence of drugs, a person cannot adequately respond to a specific situation.
2. Personal problems that are associated with dissatisfaction in personal relationships, intimacy, loneliness, etc. Any mention of this problem causes a negative reaction.
3. Mental traumas of childhood. Developed neurosis against the background of dysfunctional relationships with parents.
4. Authoritarian and strict education that develops internal aggression.
5. Watching films and programs where the topic of violence is actively discussed.
6. Inadequate rest, overwork.

Aggression may be a symptom of a serious illness that is often associated with damage to the brain:

• Schizophrenia.
• Encephalitis.
• Neurasthenia.
• Meningitis.
• Epileptoid psychopathy, etc.

Public influence should not be excluded. Religious movements, propaganda, racial hatred, morality, images of politicians or strong personalities who are aggressive develop a similar quality in observers.

Often people who cause harm refer to a bad mood or even a mental disorder. In fact, only 12% of all aggressive people are mentally ill. Other individuals show their negative emotions as a result of an incorrect reaction to what is happening, as well as a lack of self-control.

Aggression is noted as a person’s dissatisfaction with life in general or a specific case in particular. Accordingly, the main reason is dissatisfaction, which a person does not eliminate through favorable actions.

Verbal aggression

Almost everyone has encountered this form of aggression. Verbal aggression is the most common and obvious. Firstly, the tone of the speaker’s voice changes: he starts shouting, raises his voice, and makes it ruder. Secondly, the context of what is being said changes.

Psychologists have noted many forms of verbal aggression. In everyday life, a person encounters the following manifestations:

1. Insults, threats, blackmail.
2. Slander, spreading gossip.
3. Silence in response to a person’s questions, refusal to communicate, ignoring cues.
4. Refusing to defend another person who is being criticized.

The question still remains whether silence is a way of aggression. There is no clear answer here. It all depends on the reasons for the silence of the person who performs this action. If silence occurs with accompanying aggressive emotions, anger, and reluctance to speak because it can be rude, then we are talking about verbal aggression of a passive nature. However, if a person is silent because he did not hear or is not interested in the topic of the conversation, therefore he wants to transfer it to another topic, remains calm and in a friendly mood, then there is no question of any aggression.

Due to the social system and morality, which punishes anyone who shows physical aggression, people are forced to use the only way to express it - words. Open aggression is expressed in specific threats, insults and humiliation of the personality of another. Hidden aggression manifests itself through persecution and pressure on a person, for example, by spreading gossip. Although these types of verbal aggression are unacceptable, a person is not deprived of freedom for them. That's why people continue to use this form as a way of communicating with those with whom they are dissatisfied.

Speech aggression

Let us dwell directly on the verbal form of manifestation of aggression, which is the most common in society. Speech aggression manifests itself in curses, negative assessments (criticism), offensive words, obscene speech, mocking intonation, crude irony, indecent allusions, and a raised voice.

What the aggressor does causes irritation and indignation. Aggression of both the first and second interlocutor arises on the basis of negative emotions that arise immediately or after some time. Some people immediately say what outrages them, others only after a while begin to show their aggression in various ways towards those who humiliated or insulted them.

Often, verbal aggression is a consequence of a person’s hostility towards a certain group of people. For example, low social status can provoke an individual’s hostile attitude towards those with whom he communicates. Such a confrontation is possible both in an ascending hierarchy and in a descending one. For example, hidden aggression is often manifested by subordinates towards the boss and by the boss towards subordinates. Subordinates often feel jealous of the leadership's high position, as well as its commanding tone. A boss may hate his subordinates because he considers them stupid, weak, inferior creatures.

Rarely, the causes of speech aggression are upbringing, mental characteristics, or a breakdown.

Undoubtedly, society is considering the issue of not only extinguishing negative emotions when they arise, but also preventing conflicts with people who show anger. It should be understood that sometimes aggression is acceptable because it helps achieve certain goals, such as suppressing the enemy. However, this method should not be used as a universal one.

Approaches to aggression

Scientists from various fields of science are considering approaches to aggression. For each representative it means something different. The normative approach perceives aggression as destructive behavior that does not correspond to the moral and ethical standards of society. The criminal approach also considers aggression as an act of unlawful behavior that is aimed at causing physical and moral harm to a living object.

• The depth psychological approach perceives aggressive behavior as instinctive, inherent in all living beings.
• The goal-directed approach perceives aggression as a goal-directed action. From the point of view of achieving a goal, evolution, adaptation, appropriation of important resources, dominance.
• Schwab and Koeroglow view aggressive behavior as a person’s desire to establish the integrity of his life. When it is violated, a person becomes aggressive.
• Kaufma views aggression as a way of acquiring resources necessary for life, which is dictated by the natural need for survival.
• Erich Fromm viewed aggressive behavior as a desire to dominate and dominate living beings.
• Wilson characterized the aggressive nature of a person as the desire to eliminate the actions of another subject who, by his actions, infringes on his freedom or genetic survival.
• Matsumoto noted aggression as an act that causes pain and physical or mental harm to another individual.
• Shcherbina characterized verbal aggression as a verbal manifestation of feelings, intentions and desires towards another person.
• Cognitive theory considers aggression as a way of learning to contact a person with external factors.
• Other theories combine the above concepts to understand the nature of aggressive behavior.

Forms of aggression

Erich Fromm identified the following forms of aggression:

• Reactive. When a person realizes that his freedom, life, dignity or property is in danger, he becomes aggressive. Here he can defend himself, take revenge, be jealous, envy, be disappointed, etc.
• Archaic bloodlust.
• Gaming. Sometimes a person just wants to show his dexterity and skills. It is at this moment that he can resort to malicious jokes, mockery, and sarcasm. There is no hatred or anger here. A person is simply playing at something that may irritate his interlocutor.
• Compensatory (malignant). It is a manifestation of destructiveness, violence, cruelty, which helps a person make his life full, not boring, fulfilling.

A person who becomes aggressive has the following characteristics:

1. Sensitivity, vulnerability, acute experience of discomfort.
2. Impulsiveness.
3. Absent-mindedness, which leads to emotional aggressiveness, and thoughtfulness, which provokes instrumental aggressiveness.
4. Hostile interpretation of what is happening.

A person is not able to completely get rid of his aggression, because sometimes it is useful and necessary. It is here that he allows himself to show his nature. Only a person who knows how to control his emotions (without suppressing them) is able to live fully. Aggression only rarely becomes constructive compared to those episodes when it is used in full force.

Teenage aggression

Quite often, psychologists note aggression in childhood. It becomes very bright during adolescence. It is this stage that becomes the most emotional. Teenage aggression can manifest itself towards anyone: peers, parents, animals, younger children. A common cause of aggression is self-affirmation. Showing strength in an aggressive manner seems to be a sign of greatness and power.

Adolescent aggression is a deliberate action aimed at causing harm. Remaining frequent are cases where three parties are involved:

1. The aggressor is a teenager himself.
2. The victim is the person at whom the teenager’s aggression is directed.
3. Spectators are people who can become bystanders or provocateurs that cause aggression in a teenager. They do not participate in the process of manifestation of aggression, but only observe what the aggressor and his victim do.

Teenagers of different genders show aggression in the following ways:

• The boys tease, trip, fight, and kick.
• Girls boycott, gossip, and get offended.

The location and age of the aggressor does not matter, since this emotion manifests itself at any time from an early age.

Psychologists explain teenage aggression by the changes that occur during puberty. A former child who has not yet become an adult is afraid of the future, is not ready for responsibility and independence, and does not know how to control his emotional experiences. Relationships with parents, as well as the influence of the media, play a significant role here.

Here are the following types of aggressive teenagers:

1. Hyperactive, who grew up in a family where everything was allowed to him.
2. Touchy, characterized by vulnerability and irritability.
3. Oppositional defiant, who demonstratively opposes people whom he does not consider his authority.
4. Aggressive-fearful, in which fears and suspicion are manifested.
5. Aggressively insensitive, who does not have sympathy or empathy.

Male aggression

Men are often the benchmarks of aggression. It seems that women should not be as aggressive as men. However, this feeling is common to everyone. Male aggression often manifests itself in open form. At the same time, the stronger sex does not experience feelings of guilt and anxiety. For them, this emotion is a kind of companion that helps them achieve goals and form a special model of behavior.

Scientists have put forward a theory that male aggression is a genetic factor. In all centuries, men had to conquer territories and lands, wage wars, protect their families, etc. At the same time, representatives of the weaker sex note this quality, which manifests itself in dominance and leadership, as attractive to them.

A modern man has many reasons why aggression manifests itself in him:

• Dissatisfaction with one's social and financial situation.
• Lack of culture of behavior.
• Lack of self-confidence.
• Lack of other forms of manifestation of one’s independence and strength.

In the current situation, when a man is required to be financially wealthy and successful, while there are practically no opportunities to achieve these statuses, the stronger sex has a high level of anxiety. Every time society reminds a man in various ways of how untenable he is. This is often reinforced by an unsettled personal life or lack of sexual relationships with women.

Men are trained to keep their experiences to themselves. However, aggression comes out, which is a consequence of unsettled life. It is difficult for a man to use all his capabilities in a world where he should be cultured and friendly, since anger and rage are often punished.

Women's aggression

Aggression is often associated with male behavior. However, women are also prone to dissatisfaction, which simply manifests itself in slightly different forms. Being more weak creature Rather than a man, a woman tries to express her aggression a little more gently. If the victim seems strong or equal in strength, then the woman's aggression is moderate. If we are talking about a child at whom aggression is directed, then the woman may not restrain herself.

Being a more emotional and social creature, a woman is prone to displaying soft or hidden aggression. Women become more aggressive in old age. Psychologists associate this with dementia and negative character deterioration. At the same time, the woman’s satisfaction remains important own life. If she is dissatisfied, unhappy, then her internal tension increases.

Often a woman’s aggressiveness is associated with internal tension and emotional outbursts. A woman, no less than a man, is subject to various restrictions and obligations. She must start a family and give birth to children, always be beautiful and kind. If a woman does not have good reasons for kindness, a man for starting a family and having children, or physiological data for achieving beauty, this significantly oppresses her.

The cause of female aggression is often:

• Hormonal imbalance.
• Mental disorders.
• Childhood traumas, hostility towards mother.
• Negative experiences with contacts with the opposite sex.

A woman is made dependent on a man from childhood. She must be “married.” And when relationships with the opposite sex do not work out, which is common in modern society, this causes internal tension and dissatisfaction.

Aggression in older people

The most unpleasant and sometimes incomprehensible phenomenon is aggression in older people. Children are raised to “respect their elders” because they are smarter and wiser. Their knowledge helps the world become a better place. However, older people are practically no different from their younger counterparts. Aggression by older people becomes a weak quality that does not inspire respect.

The reason for the aggressiveness of older people is a change in life as a result of social degradation. When a person retires, he loses his previous activity. Here memory decreases, health deteriorates, and the meaning of life is lost. An elderly person feels forgotten, unwanted, lonely. If this is reinforced by a poor existence and lack of interests and hobbies, then the elderly person either becomes depressed or becomes aggressive.

We can call aggression by older people a way of communicating with others, a method of attracting attention to themselves. Here are the following forms of aggression:

1. Grumpiness.
2. Irritability.
3. Opposition to everything new.
4. Protest attitude.
5. Groundless accusations and insults.
6. High propensity for conflicts.

The main problem of older people is loneliness, especially after the death of one of the spouses. If children do not pay much attention to the elderly person, then he feels acute loneliness.

Degeneration or infection of brain cells also affects behavior changes at any age. Since these phenomena mostly occur in old age, doctors first rule out brain diseases as the cause of aggression.

Husband's aggression

In love relationships, the most discussed topic is the aggressiveness of husbands. Because women express their despotism differently, flamboyant displays of male aggression become commonplace. The causes of conflicts and quarrels in the family are:

1. Unequal distribution of responsibilities.
2. Dissatisfaction with intimate relationships.
3. Different understandings of the rights and responsibilities of spouses.
4. Not meeting your needs in relationships.
5. Unequal contribution of both parties to the relationship.
6. Lack of importance and value of a person as a partner.
7. Financial difficulties.
8. Inability to solve all emerging problems, their accumulation and periodic disputes because of them.

Many problems can cause aggression in a husband, but the most important are social status, financial wealth and sexual satisfaction. If a man is not satisfied in all plans, then he habitually looks for someone to blame - his wife. She is not sexy enough to want, does not inspire him to make money, does not become his support, etc.

A dissatisfied and insecure man begins to find fault, quarrel, point, and command a woman. In this way he tries to normalize his inferior life. If we analyze the situation, it turns out that aggression in husbands arises on the basis of their complexes and inadequacy, and not because of their wives.

The mistake women with aggressive husbands make is that they try to improve the relationship. It is the husbands who must correct the situation, not the women. Here wives make the following mistakes:

• They talk about their hopes and fears, which further convinces their husbands that they are weak.
• They share their plans, which gives their husbands another reason to criticize them.
• They share their successes, expecting their husbands to rejoice at them.
• They try to find common topics for conversation, but are faced with silence and coldness.

Treatment of aggression

The treatment of aggression does not mean medicinal elimination of the problem, but psychological one. Only in rare cases are tranquilizers and antidepressants used, which can calm the nervous system. However, a person will never completely get rid of aggressive behavior. Therefore, the treatment of aggression means developing skills to control it and understand the current situation.

If aggression is directed at you, you must understand that you are not obliged to tolerate attacks. Even if we are talking about your husband/wife or children, you still remain a person who has the right to be treated with kindness and care. The situation becomes especially painful when it comes to aggressive behavior of parents towards children. This is a situation in which the victim is almost never able to resist the pressure.

No one is obliged to endure other people's attacks. Therefore, if you become the object of someone’s aggression, you can safely fight back by any means. If you yourself are an aggressor, then this problem is yours personally. Here it is necessary to carry out exercises to eliminate one’s own aggressiveness.

Firstly, the causes of the aggression should be recognized. Nothing happens for nothing. Even mentally ill people have reasons to be aggressive. What moment was the trigger that made you feel angry? After realizing the cause of your negative emotions, you should take steps to change your attitude towards the situation.

The second point is that the reason must be devalued or eliminated. If you need to change your personal attitude towards a situation, then you should do it; If you need to solve a problem (for example, eliminate dissatisfaction), then you should make an effort and be patient.

You should not fight your own aggression, but understand the reasons for its occurrence, since eliminating these reasons allows you to cope with any negative emotions.

Forecast

The result of any emotion is a certain event that becomes decisive. Anything can be a predictor of the consequences of aggression:

1. Losing connections with good people.
2. Divorce or separation from a loved one.
3. Dismissal from work.
4. Unsettled life.
5. Lack of support from important people.
6. Lack of understanding.
7. Loneliness, etc.

In some cases, the question even arises about the life expectancy of the person who enters into conflict. When physical violence occurs in the family or in the company of hooligans, it can result in death.

If a person does not try to control his aggressive impulses, he will face various negative consequences. His environment will consist only of people who should not be trusted. Only an aggressive person can be close to the same aggressor.

The consequences of controlling one's own aggression can be successful. Firstly, a person will not spoil relationships with those who are dear to him. I really want to throw out my emotions and show my character. However, if you understand what the consequences may be, it is better to prevent an undesirable outcome.

Secondly, a person can channel aggression into a constructive direction. You cannot get rid of this emotion, but you can subjugate it. For example, aggression is good when a person is dissatisfied with an unachieved goal. In this case, he wants to make every effort to realize his plans.

If a person cannot cope with his aggression on his own, then he should consult a psychologist. He will help you find the right answers to your questions, as well as develop a behavior strategy that will help you pacify aggression and take the right actions in the right situations.