Cool horoscopes based on zodiac signs seem funny only at first glance. In fact, they are remembered much more clearly - after all, the joke itself “sinks” into memory. You can amuse your friends with a witty response in an unexpected situation. Or you can take a closer look at yourself and your loved ones - to once again make sure that astrology is truly a truthful and accurate science.
And with the help of cool horoscopes it will be easy for you to study astrology and delve into its basics. And you don’t need to memorize anything or get it into your head on purpose. Just read comic horoscopes and compare them with the behavior of your friends. Very soon everything will fall into place in your head, and you will always know what to expect from others and what they expect from you. By the way, this is called “insight.” And all thanks to the fact that you just love reading funny horoscopes!
Start with simple example. Find out, which horoscopes do different zodiac signs prefer?- and check yourself and your friends.
Aries most often looking for obscene horoscope. So what? What else to have fun with friends over a bottle of beer. It especially bothers him when he is not reviled too much, but everyone else is reviled in full.
Taurus treats horoscopes without much trust and never allows them to influence his life. But the financial and monetary horoscope sometimes still reads. But only to once again be convinced that he was right.
Twins absorb all horoscopes that meet in their stormy life path. They forget them in exactly a minute - for this reason they don’t believe in them.
Cancers, having read something offensive or unpleasant to themselves, they may become offended by all horoscopes in general. They prefer neutral horoscopes: floral, fashion, horoscopes of pets and peoples of the world.
a lion accepts only those horoscopes that glorify him. If you read aloud to him, just skip the “inconvenient” parts, and his favorable attitude is guaranteed.
Virgo Actually, he doesn’t believe in horoscopes, but he will read the medical horoscope very carefully. If the recommendations are reasonable, then Virgo will put them into practice, and if they seem nonsense to her, then she will discard them with indignation.
Scales love love and romantic horoscopes. But most of all they like horoscopes of compatibility between zodiac signs. After reading them, they are no longer able to choose a partner for themselves - it becomes impossible to make a decision due to large quantity factors.
Scorpios First of all, they look at sexual and erotic horoscopes. They read them quite carefully, memorizing everything well. They will then definitely try the information received on their partners.
Sagittarius They love funny horoscopes, with good humor or unusual comparisons. However, horoscopes do not stay in their heads for long. And they often understand them in their own way - to their advantage.
Capricorn reads horoscopes in order to criticize them. He will look for all the inconsistencies and enjoy it. In the end, he will prove to himself and everyone that all this is complete nonsense, and one must only be guided by common sense.
Aquarius reads horoscopes from time to time and selectively remembers them. He especially appreciates humorous horoscopes with caustic jokes. He then likes to quote them at the most inappropriate—from your point of view—moments.
Fish They believe in everything - in omens, in signs and, of course, in horoscopes. They stick to what they write so fanatically that they implement everything they read. Naturally, for them the horoscopes are one hundred percent correct.
copying is prohibited
Of course, everyone is familiar with horoscopes and has read them at least once in their lives. Whether they are true or not, it is impossible to say for sure. But for those who are interested in them, this article was written. It will feature funny characteristics of the zodiac signs, as well as some funny horoscopes. After reading our article, for example, you can find out how Scorpio drinks and what food Aquarius likes.
Characteristics of Aries and Taurus. Description of these signs
Let's start, perhaps, with compiling funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. Let's start with Aries. You won't be able to find a more capricious die-hard than an Aries. At the same time, he hates routine. The representative of the sign does not like to do things that he does not like. It is almost impossible to persuade him to do such a thing. Although there is one trick - tell him that someone did this task better. Then Aries will do the job at all costs, and even better than anyone else.
When drawing up a funny horoscope, one cannot help but mention the fiery nature of Aries. This person can spend a lot of time conquering the object of passion. Aries acts quickly, almost instantly and assertively. Therefore, it is very difficult to get rid of him.
If you are looking for a worthy competitor in terms of stubbornness to Aries, then this is Taurus. Moreover, this sign also has a “bonus” - fierce conservatism. Old things are very valuable to him. Taurus people are often boring. In general, representatives of the sign are reserved individuals. It's easier to talk to a wall than to talk to them. At least you can knock on it, and in response you will hear a hum. And from Taurus you can expect ringing silence and silence. Taurus believe that the more time they spend trying to achieve their beloved, the more valuable she is. The same rule applies to making money.
Characteristics of Gemini and Cancer. Distinctive features of each sign
When compiling a fun horoscope for Gemini, let’s say that representatives of the sign are always for new adventures. These individuals are eccentric individuals who have a company of winds in their heads. Geminis also love to chat a lot; they can talk about something for hours. This is the funniest characteristic of the zodiac sign. Laziness is also legendary among Geminis. They don't like to go into details. They need money because they spend it quickly and casually, as they say.
Cancers are quite soft, romantic and intelligent natures. Although outwardly you can’t tell the same from them.
What is the funny characteristic of a zodiac sign? The fact that they, just like their namesakes from the animal world, take careful steps forward and run back. From this we can safely conclude that Cancers are indecisive and cautious. They are afraid to do anything, even cheat on their partner.
You should not make sparkling jokes with Cancer, as this nature is too sentimental and can be offended by light humor.
Characteristics of Leo and Virgo. What is remarkable about these zodiac signs? Comic descriptions of each
Leo is the unique king of beasts. When composing a funny horoscope for Leo, one cannot help but remember his greatness. He is an important person and demonstrates this in every possible way. Those around you should be glad even that Leo is next to them. His aura will paint the muddy swamp with bright colors.
Now let's make a fun Virgo horoscope. It is known that appearances can be deceiving. This phrase is entirely suitable for Virgos. After all, when you hear this word, your imagination pictures a cute creature. But astrologers who compose funny characteristics of the zodiac signs do not agree with such a description. In reality, Virgos are completely different. Not so cute. Sometimes they can even be maniacs. According to statistics, many maniacs were born under this sign.
Virgos skillfully adapt to the situation. They are usually polite and correct people. Virgo can use a person for her own purposes in order to achieve what she wants. He will not show sympathy for the object of love until he is firmly convinced of reciprocity. And if there is a refusal, he will wait, and suddenly something will change.
Characteristics of Libra and Scorpio. Comic description of zodiac signs
Libra constantly arrives in search peace of mind. They don't pay much attention to the material world. They believe that everyday problems someone else should do it. Libra's affairs are more sublime than washing and cleaning. Representatives of the sign are always thrown in different directions. Impermanence also extends to the love sphere of life. This state is familiar to them. After betrayal, conscience usually does not bother you.
Scorpios are still those bastards. They are capable of breaking hearts thanks to their natural charm. Scorpios are also goal-oriented. If a goal is chosen, then no matter how difficult it is to achieve, they will still achieve it, even if something needs to be destroyed.
Characteristics of Sagittarius and Capricorn. Funny description of signs
Now let's compose comic horoscope Sagittarius. Note that representatives of the sign always achieve their goals. Sometimes this doesn’t happen right away, but in any case everything will happen. Let us note that other signs are helped by perseverance and work to achieve their goals, while Sagittarius is helped by a fair wind.
If you are wondering which is the most cheerful sign of the zodiac, then know that, of course, it is this one. Sagittarians are also the ringleaders. In addition, they are true philanthropists. They help everyone in need. Employers often take advantage of this quality. If Sagittarius doesn’t object, he will be burdened with a lot of work.
There is no need to openly offend Sagittarius. This is not to say that they are vindictive, just a little angry, and their memory is quite good. They don't forget anything, not even what happened in kindergarten. They can tell the whole truth in person without any problems.
When compiling a cheerful horoscope for Capricorn, let’s say that he is a pendulum person. He always balances between extremes. Children of this sign have characteristic adult seriousness and thoroughness. These qualities do not leave Capricorn in adulthood and even in old age.
Capricorn always throws himself into work. He will spend all his strength trying to complete an impossible task in advance. Although Capricorn also walks well. He goes on a spree headlong, sometimes to the point of complete degradation. To save him, you need to captivate him with something more interesting.
Note that Capricorns are incorrigible pessimists. If they are convinced that everyone around them is against them, then it will be extremely difficult, and in most cases impossible, to convince them otherwise.
Characteristics of Aquarius and Pisces. Funny description of zodiac signs
Now let's make a funny horoscope for Aquarius. The representative of the sign loves to talk. Words flow like water from a tap. Not everyone can withstand such a flow. But who can do this is Pisces or Gemini. Although you can still argue with the latter who will eventually talk to whom.
Aquarians take care very well, they can even compose poems and songs. Women of this sign follow the dictates of their hearts. If it tells you that he will be her betrothed, then an early meeting cannot be avoided.
Aquarians value personal space very much. They are ready to build high walls so that they can be given time to be alone.
What are the characteristics of the zodiac sign Pisces? Representatives can create a fictional reality out of nothing. And not only for yourself, but also for those around you. They can easily convince anyone of anything they want. Ask Pisces to perform some task for you, and it will break into pieces, but it will do it. He’s such an altruist, and there’s nothing you can do about it. When characterizing the Pisces zodiac sign, we will say that in love representatives are cautious and shy. They will never take the first step. They will dream about their loved one, cry, but remain silent. Pisces needs to be pushed to take some action in relationships, and not only in them.
Drunk horoscope, or How to drink with signs
Nowadays, alcoholic drinks are present on the table during many celebrations, and not only during the holidays. Here's how to drink it different signs? What should you be wary of? Let's start the story, of course, with Aries. It is advisable not to drink with representatives of this sign. Or seat Aquarius next to them, who, if anything happens, will take a friend with him. If this does not happen, then you may find yourself in a completely different country or do something strange. At the same time, Aries himself will look at you condemningly. Aries is not particularly intoxicated by alcohol, so they think that everyone is like that.
Taurus, regardless of the degree of intoxication, consider themselves sober. And even if they crawl on four. Taurus prefer to enjoy life to the fullest, including drinking. But if such a representative drinks too much, he turns into a not entirely adequate person. He will destroy everything that is around.
Gemini is believed to be a dual sign. His two-facedness is manifested in the fact that if he drinks, you can’t figure out who will appear before you: a cheerful joker or a guy who hates everyone. Moreover, the next morning he will no longer remember what happened.
Cancer is a rather secretive person. But if you get such a person drunk, you can learn a lot about him and yourself. On the morning after the celebration, Cancer will be hidden again.
If we talk about Leo, then a sober representative of the sign is no different from a drunk one. The only thing is that the decibel increases. A drunk Leo talks much more about himself than a sober one.
It is impossible to say exactly why Virgos drink. But they go through three stages of intoxication:
- "I'm so drunk."
- "I love everyone".
- “I need aspirin” (this is already in the morning).
Libras are afraid to drink, but they love it. In a state of intoxication, they rest. In this state, they stop weighing everything.
Sagittarius is at the same time a teetotaler, an alcoholic, a lucky man, and a loser. It's not clear how to drink with it. In addition, Sagittarius believes that he has light hand, but in reality - it’s still so heavy. At the same time, it is almost impossible to drink it too much.
Scorpio first drinks himself to the limit, and then gets everyone around him drunk.
When Capricorn drinks, he opens up. Literally becomes the soul of the company, the ringleader. He enjoys compliments and jokes, but in the morning he remembers everything.
A drunk Aquarius can move mountains. True, no one sees his actions, just like the drunken Aquarius himself. He tries to leave after drinking a little.
When Pisces becomes drunk, she experiences the whole range of emotions, starting from the fact that no one loves her, ending with the fact that she is the most beautiful.
Favorite food of Aries and Taurus. What will representatives of the signs choose: exotic or familiar dishes?
What is the favorite food of the zodiac signs? Of course, each of the twelve has their own preferences. Some people will like sweets, while others will like spicy dishes.
Aries are food lovers. They especially like simple dishes. They are also not averse to trying food national cuisines. For example, they love Italian dishes such as pasta, lasagna, risotto and others. These dishes can be complemented with a glass of red wine. Aries benefits from foods such as lamb, pineapple, mint, cumin, rosemary, watercress and radishes.
Taurus people enjoy traditional dishes familiar from childhood. The following dishes are held in high esteem: new potatoes with dill, homemade cottage cheese, bread and butter, etc. Taurus do not really like to try something new; they do it only out of curiosity. As a rule, exotic dishes do not remain in the usual diet of representatives of the sign.
Favorite food of Gemini and Cancer. What will they like?
Geminis love seafood and fish dishes. They also like pasta and dumplings. Prone to changes in food choices.
Cancers like dishes that are familiar to them from childhood. It could be buns, borscht or gefilte fish(the same as my aunt cooked). Cancer is true to habits, even in nutrition.
Leo and Virgo. What are their taste preferences? What will they like?
Leos love to eat a lot and deliciously. They love meat dishes such as steaks and chops. I’m not thrilled with vegetable salads and appetizers. Fish is also not particularly held in high esteem. Another lion's weakness is sweets.
Virgos choose simple food that they have known for a long time. They like tomato-based dishes. Virgos are indifferent to sweets and candies.
Favorite food of Libra and Scorpio. Do they like sweets or savory foods?
Libra loves confectionery, fresh pastries, ice cream. They love delicious food. They can eat both a delicate salad and a meat dish. Representatives of this sign like mushroom dishes.
Scorpios will enjoy seasoned, savory food, as well as traditional dishes such as Olivier salad, borscht and others. High-quality alcohol and expensive chocolate are also held in high esteem by representatives of the sign.
Favorite food of Sagittarius and Capricorn
Capricorns are loyal to the dishes they once fell in love with. Although they are not averse to trying some new things.
Sagittarians like ketchup and mustard. They enjoy trying new dishes from different cuisines. Many Sagittarius are indifferent to sweets.
Favorite food of Aquarius and Pisces. What do these signs prefer: delicacies or sweets?
Aquarians are interested in dishes that they have never tried before. A representative of this sign can enjoy rare delicacies for a long time. Aquarians love to sit and talk at a table with a lot of food.
Pisces are not particularly picky and picky eaters. They can eat even not particularly refined dishes. Pisces can never refuse sweets; they like to try new and new desserts. They love ice cream, cakes, and candies. Moreover, sometimes they consume sweets in unlimited quantities, completely forgetting about common sense.
Predictions for the Year of the Dog. What does each sign expect?
Now we will compile a funny horoscope for the year of the Dog for all signs.
A little conclusion
Now you know what zodiac signs they are. Our article contains them comic characteristics and horoscopes. Here you will find both funny personality traits and preferences of representatives of different zodiac signs, knowing which you can improve your relationship with them. We hope that this information was interesting and useful to you.
Diversify family celebration and corporate events will be helped by horoscopes drawn up in a humorous way. With this kind of entertainment you can give good mood to everyone present and make a “good forecast” for the coming year.
It so happened that modern man very superstitious. In pursuit of a good life, prosperity, respected position and family happiness, he often relies on the “will of the stars” and magic. And that's not bad at all!
By psychologically setting yourself up for good changes in, it is quite possible to achieve victories in Everyday life! The main thing is to believe and make efforts. A comic horoscope, unlike a regular one, is drawn up in a humorous form.
Such astrological forecast may be in prose or written in verse. Poems, by the way, are more easily and positively perceived by people at an event, at any feast and at any holiday.
Feature of the humorous - gently hint about the shortcomings of a certain zodiac sign and “generously predict” good changes in the coming or coming year. Such “instruction” will definitely make every guest present smile and leave him with pleasant memories.
IMPORTANT: A comic horoscope, as a rule, is compiled on the basis of a real one created by astrologers. But it is written more in clear language, in simple words and added with wishes.
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Aries men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
As they say, Aries is “still a ram.” And there is a share in this undeniable truth! Next year, Aries will be faced with a number of unpredictable situations that could confuse the “curly” ones. Be careful, don’t lean your horns into difficulties and try to overcome them! Being too stubborn is unlikely to help you achieve your desired goals. In the year of the Rat, Aries should relax a little and let the situation go, as they say, “with the flow.” This will allow you not only to relax, but to organize any business in such a way that it ends to your benefit!
For women:
If the Aries man is a “ram”, then the woman is a “baroness”. And this is not just a play on words! In the new year 2020, sheep women will be especially attractive and irresistible. Many of them will find “female happiness” thanks to the tenacity and frenzy with which they will strive to achieve what they want. In addition, if you are an Aries woman and have any acting skills, the horoscope wants you to pretend to be stupid from time to time for the same good purposes!
In verse:
Aries is a sign of “stubbornness” and arrogance,
Every little thing pisses them off!
To make life “sweet”
Drink without reserve on this holiday!
Aries need a lot of space
So that the house is not crowded,
On the robot, in the garage
And of course in the shower!
Aries celebrates the New Year
With an open soul:
Let the “barn” be full,
There are oats and grass in the bins!
Horoscope wishes for Aries
Be calmer and more gentle
So that the soul is calm,
Life would be more fun!
Happy New Year for Aries
He will definitely come to the house,
A new broom of bad weather
It will sweep it up and carry it away!
Comic New Year's horoscope 2020 for Aries women and men: poems Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Taurus men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year, Taurus, like stubborn Aries, should“relax and slow down” a little. It is excessive tension and the desire to help everyone, everywhere and always, that destroys restless “bulls” and “chicks”, preventing them from getting the desired maximum from life. In the year of the Rat, Taurus will be especially vulnerable to difficulties and problems arising both on the love and professional fronts. In order for any outcome of the case to be positive and kind, do not hesitate to ask for help from loved ones. At the moment when life “shows a red rag” to Taurus, they should not accelerate and run towards a bright color, but close their eyes tightly and simply let “things take their course.” And without you, Taurus, others will figure it out just fine!
For women:
Taurus women need to be in the new year be especially careful with words spoken and emotions expressed. The fact is that the year of the Rat will allow the ladies of this Zodiac to be, so to speak, excited and not very mentally balanced. To avoid problems in relationships and at work, you need to “keep in check” your attacks of jealousy, rage and the desire to help everyone!
In verse:
Calm and peace to Taurus
I wish you a good horoscope,
So that life is easy and beautiful,
The problems “didn’t lead to death.”
More Taurus this year
The horoscope wishes you well,
So that there is a Porsche under the window,
So that there is a lump of dough under the mattress!
To Taurus on this New Year
Love and inspiration will come,
Fate will bring good luck,
Calm, peace!
Taurus is strong and powerful,
And into the new year our horoscope
Wishes only a better life,
May you be incredibly lucky!
In the New Year's horoscope
And Taurus has a prediction:
Those who are single and free,
They will find recognition in love!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Gemini men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Gemini is a special sign. Gathered in this sign put together several best qualities human: curiosity, prudence, wisdom, thirst for knowledge and development. Along with this, in the new year 2020 they should protect themselves from talkativeness, boasting and boringness. The horoscope advises Gemini to read, write, think more, but not speak out loud, otherwise the sign risks losing a number of important people in life. If you can’t talk about a new event, talk to the mirror or write!
For women:
There will be no Gemini for women in 2020 some special emotional outbursts, changes and fateful events. The Year of the Rat promises to be “fun” and full of pleasant little things: a new fur coat, a ring, a meeting with an old friend, who has also gained a lot over the past few years. Just live, as they say, “for yourself” and please your loved ones. Avoid gossip, and “bite your tongue” yourself if you want to retell the news you heard!
In verse:
Gemini, you are nonsense,
Refrain from sin!
Be quieter and wiser
To make life kinder!
The horoscope wishes you
Good-natured Geminis,
Eat a lot, listen more,
Don't talk about trifles!
New Year for Gemini:
Dear ladies and men,
Promises to be good.
Clap your hands loudly!
So that there is a lot of happiness,
Gemini is dear in the year
This one will be without barriers,
No problems, hardships, losses!
May Gemini this year
Having fun and frolicking.
May fate bring them
Lots of joy and happiness!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Cancer men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
For Cancer men, the Year of the Rat promises small, but very pleasant changes in life. Firstly, this is wealth, it will “flow into your hands” slowly but very confidently. Secondly, you risk meeting “your soulmate” in this world, if you haven’t already. “Crawl out of your shell” more often, don’t be afraid to communicate with people, don’t close yourself off from your loved ones, and 2020 will be a very interesting year!
For women:
Cancer women will finally have a chance in 2020 feel needed, important, loved. The main thing is not to lose calm, self-confidence and harmony between soul and body. Speaking about the body, it is worth noting that in the year of the Rat, Cancers will experience incredible emotional uplift and any illness, as well as depression, will not “catch on” and ruin your mood.
In verse:
Cancers, you're in luck!
This year is a happy one for you!
The horoscope wishes you,
To be desired and beautiful!
In this year, Cancers need to know in general:
Wealth is not hidden in chests or money.
Wealth hides in the soul, in family, in friends,
They will help you at the right time and won’t let you get lost!
Cancers will have incredible luck in 2020!
They will find peace, wealth and love.
They will meet happiness along the way many times!
There will be plenty of joy, food and wine!
Cancers can have fun
Sing loudly, joke, dance.
Happiness rushes towards them in the New Year,
To hug everyone!
Happy holiday, Cancer!
The New Year promises you everything:
Lots of happiness and reasons to cry
Only from joy and trifles!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Leo men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
Male lions inspire fear by their very appearance and respect for all other zodiac signs. They have the same attitude towards life: they let someone close, they “sharpen their claws” about others. The New Year 2020 for Leo will be very successful and lucky. The Year of the Rat will completely obey Leo and bring him many pleasant emotions!
For women:
Women-Lionesses, like men, will have luck in literally everything in 2020: they will rise “ career ladder”, will meet a worthy man, gain health and be incredibly attractive. The Year of the Rat will bring “fatal pussies” a lot of profit, both in terms of “prey” and a new fur coat, boots, beads and earrings!
In verse:
2020 will be an easy year
It will be bright and happy!
He will bring health to the lions,
Inspiration and strength!
Leos will be pleasantly surprised
A successful year is coming for them!
In it they will “get drunk with happiness”
“Luck will come to their house.”
Fate promises all Leos and Lionesses
Good luck getting drunk this year
“Catch a star”, have luck,
And all victories without exception!
To lions, as rulers of the world,
The year wishes to be happy!
So that the house is full,
So that there is peace in your soul!
Horoscope wishes for Lionesses
To be real queens
And Leos have great wealth,
May life be simple and “smooth”!
Predictions for Leo Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Virgo men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
As you know, Virgo men are real “narcissists”. That is why in 2020, the horoscope predicts many difficulties for them, primarily with the fact that they are not able to “understand and love their neighbor.” The Year of the Rat promises to be not easy even a day to achieve desired results, Virgo will have to, as they say, “press on the gas” and make every effort.
For women:
Virgo women will feel like real queens in 2020! Of course, all the grace will not just fall from the sky on them and in order to please yourself with excellent results in the professional or personal sphere, you will need hard work and faith in yourself. Virgos should also begin to limit themselves in everything in 2019-2020: candy, gentlemen, spoken words. This will help you gain respect and recognition from others.
In verse:
Horoscope wishes for Virgos
Big and small victories!
Enter the New Year with confidence,
He will protect you from harm!
Seductive virgin beauties
The New Year will bring only joy!
Let life be the way you like it,
It will turn into sweetness for you!
To the wise and beautiful Virgos
New Year wishes boldly
Be successful in everything
And there was no reason for the troubles!
Virgos - zodiac sign,
New Year wishes you happiness!
So that goodness surrounds,
So that love does not disappear!
Smile wider, Virgos,
You are the happiest in the world!
There is no more beautiful person in this world
And throughout our entire planet!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Libra men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year 2020, Gemini men should devote time not only for self-development, but also for your appearance. Therefore, do not hesitate to get a membership to the gym, spa area or sauna. Being beautiful is not a sin! In addition, try to always be closer to your family, do not hesitate to be boring and intrusive, just show your interest in what is happening.
For women:
In the year of the Rat, women of the Libra sign will “fly in the clouds.” That is why they will often not be on time always and everywhere. In order for your affairs to go well and end with the desired outcome, you should stock up on perseverance and constantly “beat yourself on the cheeks” in order to return to reality. In the New Year, be sure to devote a lot of time to your beauty and health, and take care of your loved ones.
In verse:
Smile, all men,
If there is a Libra nearby.
These women are beautiful
Dream come true!
New Year will give Libra
There are many reasons to be happy.
He will leave it under the Christmas tree
Gifts, kisses and hugs!
Huge adventures for Libra
Will add a new year to life,
So that there are no disappointments,
He will bring you good luck!
The stars have now decided:
In the new fabulous year
Libra will receive strength as a gift,
Warmth, love, family comfort!
Libra has big changes
The likelihood of them is so high
All the best will happen without a doubt
Life will be bright and easy!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Scorpio men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Scorpio men will have to really try keep your thoughts and emotions in harmony with your body. This “poisonous” zodiac sign will be especially vulnerable and excited in 2019-2020. That is why you should refrain from scandals, quarrels and divorces. On the other hand, the year is very successful for making money, and therefore it is best to direct your energy to improving your financial condition.
For women:
Like men, Scorpio women in 2019-2020 They will be real “hysterics”. Ladies should very skillfully hide their real emotions and feelings so as not to spoil their relationships with everyone around them. The year promises many romantic and love encounters, which in turn does not interfere with Scorpio’s existing marriage.
In verse:
Scorpios are good:
Lots of money and soul!
The horoscope tells the sign
Just cry with happiness!
In the year 2020 to all Scorpios,
A lot of changes are coming:
In work, relationships and at home.
Try to avoid problems!
Scorpios urgently need
Lots of exciting changes.
Horoscope wishes friendship
Solve your problems!
For life to be successful,
Scorpios, try your best.
Horoscope wishes: tenderly
Smile at problems!
2020 is knocking on your door,
His time has now come.
Now good things will happen
Happy New Year with Scorpio!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Sagittarius men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Sagittarius men “risk” being lucky in the new year and happy, they have every chance for this. The main thing is not to lose your luck on the way to happiness. In the professional and personal spheres, everything will be very smooth and quite “even” - without losses and disappointments. Smile more at the world around you and everything will be fine!
For women:
Sagittarius women should definitely“catch luck by the tail”, and then hide it in yourself and not let it go. If ladies make an effort in the year of the Rat, they will definitely gain recognition, find true love and climb the career ladder high, high.
In verse:
“Let Sagittarius live well” -
Astrological forecast advises.
Let them rest body and soul,
Let them not shed hot tears in vain!
Heaven wishes for a Sagittarius man
Be a true champion of the ladies.
Let life not hit you in the face with a glove,
Give way to dreams and deeds!
Let Sagittarius' dreams come true,
Let your wishes come true!
Astrologers wish Sagittarius beauty,
Good luck, joy, love charm!
Sagittarians are the favorites of luck,
Let it be this way and not otherwise!
And the New Year will give into winter
To them happiness and happy love!
The stars predicted joy
A gift for all Sagittarius.
Life will be like sweetness for them,
Every day is cheerful and bright!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Capricorn men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year, Capricorn men should finally understand what they want in their life: love, family or a big career leap. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to get everything at once, and therefore all your efforts should be directed in only one direction. The year is good for searching for yourself, muse and space. However, if you fly too far, you risk losing touch with reality, that is, ruining your relationships with others.
For women:
Capricorn women will become real muses for their men, admirers and admirers. The year promises ladies to be filled with beauty, harmony and purity. Each representative of this zodiac sign “risks” falling in love completely by accident and very deeply. Financially, Capricorns will be very vulnerable and wasteful.
In verse:
In the year 2020 Capricorns
The stars wish to be themselves,
Along your life paths
Walk with a happy destiny!
Lucky all Capricorns
Good comes to their house
Happy New Year,
There will be no trouble!
Luck and prosperity is knocking,
To the homes of all Capricorns in the New Year.
Let a good fairy tale happen
Dreams will not be a sweet dream!
Astrologers wish you harmony,
Find strength and love within yourself.
The year for Capricorns promises to be calm,
And the feelings will excite the blood!
Capricorns are incredibly lucky
The year will be pleasant and happy.
Men's pockets will be full,
Well, the women will turn out to be beautiful!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Aquarius men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
The New Year will be very calm for Aquarius men and measured. Practically, not a single event can disturb the peace of mind of men and prevent them from achieving their desired goals. In the personal life of Aquarius, there is an abundance of romantic meetings, tender feelings and only pleasant changes.
For women:
Women of this zodiac sign are quite frivolous., but at the same time romantic and dreamy. The Year of the Rat promises them abundance love adventures and only positive changes. But, at the same time, you should not “drown in the abyss of your dreams,” so as not to lose touch with reality.
In verse:
Aquarians will feel
Have fun, wait and believe,
What in their life is like in a fairy tale
Happiness will knock on the door!
For Aquarius, New Year is a favorite holiday,
He gives them the warmth of loved ones.
Astrologers promise you only joy,
Luck - it will just walk through your door!
Astrological predictions
They wish Aquarius to be wiser,
Make decisions with a smile in your heart,
May your dreams come true as soon as possible!
Horoscope wishes for Aquarius
A lot of bright, love joys,
So that the love in the soul does not fade away,
And my soul was as light as snow!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Pisces men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Pisces men will “swim calmly” all year round go with the flow” and float past problems, failures and disappointments. This year, the strong half of humanity will definitely meet “their fish” and find family happiness. In the year of the Rat, don’t expect any strong “career ups”, but this is far from bad.
For women:
The main thing for Pisces women in the year of the Rat is not to look stupid and do not create too negative an impression of yourself. Be active and cheerful, laugh in the face of failures and problems. In your personal life, the year promises positive changes, for example, a new lover or a marriage proposal!
In verse:
Let Pisces sail to their luck
Happy new colorful year!
Let complex problems be solved
And life will not throw Pisces into the frying pan!
Pisces are very silent
Pisces love silence.
Wishes for Pisces in the New Year
Horoscope “to catch your dream”!
So that Pisces have fun and joy,
Astrologers foretell them:
Relax, eat sweets,
The stars foretell love for you!
Video: “Comic Horoscope for 2020 for friends”
Of course, a comic horoscope based on zodiac signs has a right to life. Some people believe that such horoscopes are unreliable, however, by reading short, sparkling characteristics, they recognize themselves and their friends.
It is a cool horoscope based on the zodiac signs that calls things by their proper names. If you have a sense of humor, read it!
Cool horoscope according to the zodiac signs of the element of Fire
The Ram is always right, he knows the price of everything, it’s easier to shoot him than to argue. Impeccably honest. If a suit doesn’t suit you or you’re overweight, he’ll be honest about it. In everyday life he is usually useless, but he generates brilliant ideas to match Sagittarius.
Leo - cool horoscope according to zodiac signs
People are divided into two types - those close to them and everyone else. He is an egoist, but he is forgiven for his holy belief in his own impeccability. The best in everything! He makes it clear to his marriage partner that it came to him along with the status of the lion’s chosen one. Unarmed in the face of flattery, with the help of which one can twist ropes out of the Leo zodiac sign.
Sagittarius - a comic horoscope for the zodiac sign
Sagittarius readily expresses his opinions even when he is advised to hold his tongue. But the Sagittarius zodiac sign’s mouth does not close, because his personal opinion should become the truth for everyone. A lucky sign in life! Sagittarius has a lot of friends who, if something happens, will not let him disappear.
Comic horoscope according to the zodiac signs of the Earth element
More stubborn than Aries, just stubborn, but not an innovator, boring and greedy. It doesn't have this charming sheepish indifference and... The zodiac sign Taurus is an unsurpassed slow-witted person. Lustful. Constant in affections. Distrustful and wary of new people, but will stand up for old friends.
Virgo - comic horoscope by zodiac sign
According to statistics, most psychopathic maniacs are born under the Virgo zodiac sign. These heartless monsters poison the life of everyone who finds themselves in the same territory with them with their pedantry and love of law and order. But in everyday life, Virgo is useful like no other.
Capricorn - a cool horoscope about zodiac signs
Happiness is achieved in only one way - by breaking in like hell. The meaning of his life is in work. At first he seems meek, but at first opportunity will give you a noticeable poke. He receives the greatest pleasure if he manages to do this with Leo, whom he cannot stand for his arrogance. Leo responds to him in the same way, cannot stand this dirty trick, and if at the moment of the poke Leo is not in the mood, the zodiac sign Capricorn must immediately run away, otherwise things will end badly.
Comic horoscope according to the zodiac signs of the air element
Twins
No one realizes how difficult it is for the Gemini zodiac sign to survive in this huge world of opportunities! Choice is Gemini's obsessive nightmare. They always feel like life is passing them by, even if they get caught up in events.
Libra - cool horoscope according to zodiac signs
Libras consider themselves aesthetes, are unreliable, have seven Fridays a week, and are yearning, which is unattainable in principle for the Libra zodiac sign, because they are in constant dissonance between reality and what they want. They are indecisive, and therefore suffer from nervous ailments.
Aquarius - a comic horoscope for the zodiac sign
Looks like it fell from an oak tree. Oddly enough, many people like this. Even if in the life of the Aquarius zodiac sign everything goes wrong, he manages to give advice that works! Potential criminal. There is no Aquarius without a criminal past; he breaks the law with pleasure and, unlike Gemini, he understands perfectly well what he is doing.
Cool horoscope for the zodiac signs of Water
There is no sign more suspicious than Cancer! Constantly imagines the end of the world, is afraid of his own shadow, falls into hysterics and seeks consolation from Virgo. Disgust. He bores those around him with conversations about his illnesses, which is why everyone except Taurus runs away in horror. Has a penchant for philosophy and alcoholism. The first, as well as the second, is contraindicated for the Cancer zodiac sign.
Comic horoscopes lift your spirits, but they also contain some truth. Find out which life principles characteristic of your Zodiac Sign. Among the funny offers you can find useful information and change for the better.
Horoscopes, no matter how humorous they are, are based on the observations of astrologers. It is known that planets and constellations influence the character and behavior of people, which means that the jokes are not so far from the truth. The site team has compiled a funny horoscope for you, in which the characteristics of each Zodiac Sign fit into short and succinct expressions. We hope that they will help you not only lift your spirits, but also get rid of your weaknesses.
Aries
Aries can characterize themselves. Capacious phrases fully reflect their contradictory and purposeful essence.
- There's no point in arguing with me. You can't convince me.
- I will do it first, and then I will think.
- I don’t slow down where everyone else is slowing down.
- I will remain young forever, because becoming an adult is boring.
- You can do the same thing as me. You won't be able to do better anyway.
- Please speak faster. I don't have the patience to listen to you.
- My stubbornness is not a vice, it was simply born before me.
- It is much easier to control any situation than emotions.
- I won’t hit you first, but you better not touch me.
- It’s good to be honest - unnecessary people themselves stop communicating with me.
Taurus
If Taurus could describe themselves in a humorous way, they could use the following phrases.
- I never waste money on buying things, but I always spend money on entertainment.
- I don’t need someone else’s, and don’t you dare touch what’s mine.
- It's better to be bad friends than to have good quarrels.
- It is better to stay in the familiar comfort of four walls than to admire the colors of nature.
- Food is a wonderful invention of mankind.
- It's better to go second to save energy.
- Taste delicious dishes and wine is my passion.
- Be affectionate and then you can achieve more than others.
- There is no need to pull someone who is well settled.
- Disposable things were invented for disposable people.
Twins
Ten succinct phrases that reveal their character and behavior will suit restless Geminis.
- Today I am again different from who I was yesterday.
- It is useful to be in control of the situation - you get more information.
- One mind is good, but two are better. Especially if both belong to you.
- Today I'm here, tomorrow I'm there.
- Ideas should not gather dust on shelves of old books.
- If you didn’t make it, it means you’re late. We need to speed up.
- You need to move quickly through life so as not to get bogged down in “textures.”
- I rarely answer for my words, but with humor.
- I don’t have enough time for quality, so I take quantity.
- There should be more means of communication.
Cancer
Cancers will be able to recognize themselves and their behavior by the following interesting phrases, which in a humorous manner reflect their style of behavior.
- Life is difficult only where it is impossible to hide in a secluded place.
- Behind stone walls With my fortress I am invulnerable to the cruel world.
- Supplies need to be replenished so that they never run out.
- Being a nanny is great. And it doesn’t matter how old your ward is.
- If you know how to wait, happiness will eventually find you on its own.
- You need to meet friends at home, and not walk around cafes.
- An abundance of food in the refrigerator is real happiness.
- Money should be spent only on quality things.
- My past is always with me. And it doesn’t bother me at all.
- Ten years is not a long time for good quality clothes.
a lion
Proud Leos do not always agree with the characteristics that people around them give them. However, in every joke there is some truth that is worth listening to.
- It is much more pleasant to help people than to find yourself in the role of someone asking for help.
- Follow me, I know the right path.
- Good manners are the key to personal success.
- The sun shines exclusively for Leo.
- It's nice to earn good money, but it's much nicer to spend it.
- A dictator sometimes needs to be hidden behind a mask of prudence and benevolence.
- I don’t understand how you can not admire me.
- I need more gold, more pathos and more admiring glances.
- Even if the item is not needed, I should have it. Especially if it is expensive and looks gorgeous.
- The sign on my office door must be immaculate.
Virgo
Virgos sometimes need to look at themselves from the outside in order to change their attitude towards life. Ten humorous phrases will help you with this.
- If you work hard, good things will definitely come of it.
- All things must be in their place.
- Modesty adorns any Virgo.
- Logic should be in everything, even in love.
- Everything should look perfect. No crookedly hanging pictures.
- You need to live not only for yourself, but also to help others.
- Large scales are scary - it’s difficult to bring order to them.
- Beauty will save the world, especially if you create it with your own hands
- There is no need to throw away old things. They can come in handy at the most unexpected moment.
- Less difficulties, more routine.
Scales
For Libra, the following statements may be familiar. Perhaps they will help you doubt less and change your behavior for the better.
- Any task must be done with the appropriate mood.
- You can win by agreeing.
- Making a choice is one of the most difficult and tiring tasks.
- Politeness can move mountains.
- Beauty should be in everything: in the image, in the home, and in the workplace.
- Information is needed like air.
- Laziness is the engine of progress.
- One of the stupidest things to do is argue. It takes up too much energy.
- Doubts sometimes help to avoid troubles.
- Not all i's need to be dotted.
Scorpion
If Scorpios could talk about themselves in succinct short phrases, then the following expressions would suit them.
- You need a good reason to smile.
- It’s a pity that sometimes there is no one to “sting”.
- This world is short of knights.
- I am like a cactus: flowers open only for a select few.
- Revenge should be served cold, but only to those who truly deserve it.
- Even if there is a hurricane inside you, remain calm on the outside.
- The world needs stations to refuel people with emotions.
- You need to go through a break, even through a windfall.
- People are like books: you just have to open them.
- You need to constantly take risks, otherwise there will be nothing to remember in old age.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians could make a presentation of themselves and their character in the following humorous expressions.
- Those who have it feel remorse. Mine doesn't bite.
- There’s no point in panicking ahead of time, I’ll figure it out when the pressure comes.
- The spirit of competition allows you to be better in everything.
- Do you want to cheer yourself up? Ask me how.
- I forgive everyone I owe.
- Argument is another opportunity to show off your intellect.
- I am not obligatory, but I am immensely charming.
- I'm throwing it around for free and professionally.
- I know how to become a philosopher in five minutes.
- Commitments save more than one life.
Capricorn
For Capricorns, whom people may not understand, the site’s experts have selected the following funny sayings. We hope that they will help lift your spirits and smile more often.
- Even one in the field can be a warrior.
- The laws of meanness work for me.
- I'm like cognac: I only get better with age.
- It's good to talk about beautiful places and countries while sitting at home.
- Financial Advisor. Long, expensive, with a guarantee.
- You can allow yourself to drop from the top if you have been climbing it all your life.
- Life is a train that stops at its stations exactly according to the schedule.
- If necessary, I can become the head of the Universe
- There is no place for sprints in my life. I am a true marathon runner.
- You can gore anyone with stubbornness.
Aquarius
Ten sentences characterizing Gemini may seem naive, but for many representatives of this Sign they can be useful.
- There is no greater boredom than being like others.
- I come up with ideals myself.
- Living with prejudices is for fools.
- Everything will be great in the future.
- Be an angel? Why not?
- Sometimes a good intention is enough. It is not necessary to do this.
- Family is great, but friends are more important.
- There are no lonely thoughts in my head. They make friends and create chaos.
- I can be in several places at once because good man there must be a lot.
- Life should have stops, not quiet havens.
Fish
Pisces, with their world of illusions and reluctance to explain their behavior, can use the following pithy phrases.
- My profession is to sympathize professionally.
- There is no need to put off until tomorrow what can be done the day after tomorrow.
- I can promise. I love it, I can do it, I practice it. But I won’t rush to do it.
- I understand everyone, but not myself.
- Don't put pressure on me, otherwise I will disappear.
- Yes, I am busy, but few can understand.
- We need more handkerchiefs and vest people.
- Food needs to be chewed, work needs to be done.
- Maintaining order in the house - who needs it?
- The world of illusions and fantasies is beautiful. There is no need to leave him for a long time.
A humorous horoscope can reflect your inner state. In any case, you shouldn’t ignore even funny statements about your Sign. Be careful in your actions and desires so that there is no room for disappointment in your life. Attract good luck into your life and be happy. We wish you all the best, and don't forget to press the buttons and