Emotions are one of the main components in a person. Without them, people cannot live even a day. Every day we are exposed to various events, problems and unexpected encounters, all of which cause emotions. It doesn’t matter what they are, positive or negative, if a person feels, then he lives. Emotions do not allow our hearts to become callous and stop feeling what is happening around us. Of course, people cannot feel only positive and pleasant emotions; in our modern world this is almost unrealistic. And sometimes we are overcome by anger, hatred, disappointment or despair. It's normal to feel this, but some people tend to be very susceptible to it negative feelings and tend to not control oneself. And when a person loses control, he can do too many stupid things, which can lead to big problems and losses. So, you need to understand what emotions are and how to manage them.
What do emotions lead to?
Scientists have proven that some emotions can lead a person to depressive state or severe mental illness. So, for example, a long-term feeling of anger, hatred, anxiety can cause heart disease in a person, and can also cause diabetes. It’s not for nothing that they say that all illnesses come from the head. You need to be able to manage your emotions, but you can’t always keep them to yourself. If a person always restrains his feelings, then he will simply become callous, unable to sympathize, he will not be able to find mutual language with people. Emotions need to be managed, but this must be done correctly.How to manage emotions?
Of course, when you are under strong emotions, you cannot adequately assess the situation. But, you need to get together and find out the reason for your bad mood and well-being. Perhaps you are in a bad mood, but you don't know why? Sometimes, our bad memories come out on their own and make us sad, angry or hateful. So, you need to listen to yourself and understand what upsets you so much. Maybe after a while you will realize that this is a trivial problem and will stop worrying.Emotions cannot be contained, both good and bad.. This is one of the main rules. If something upsets you, you should throw out this anger, but you don’t need to throw out your negativity on friends and family, after that it will only get worse. If you cannot speak out to your offender, then find another way to throw off the veil of anger and hatred. It could be a sport, singing helps a lot, try reading aloud. It will become easier for you and you won’t offend anyone.
You need to talk about your feelings. When you speak, bad emotions weaken and leave you. If you have someone you can vent to, then do so. It doesn’t matter what he tells you, the main thing is that he listens to you and supports you. You will see, your problems will no longer be so difficult and bad if your loved one is nearby.
Sometimes it happens that they don’t understand you, they don’t understand your bad mood, and you have no one to support you. Then just take it and abstract it. This is a wonderful way to get away from negative emotions and people who don’t understand. Imagine that you are in a vacuum, nothing touches you and nothing can reach you. Use this method and life will become easier.
When a person knows how to control his emotions, this person can control not only himself, but also people, events, and the whole world. You will notice that people will reach out to you for smart thoughts, for useful advice, just to feel your power.
Managing emotions is a complex science, but if you master it, you will see how simple it will be to live in this world.
Greetings, dear visitors to the site of psychotherapeutic assistance, today, in the self-help section, you will learn how you can manage your emotions and feelings using a simple cognitive therapy technique
How to learn to manage your emotions
You are introduced to the cognitive technique of Socratic self-dialogue to learn to manage your emotions and feelings.
For example, you are angry at your friend for his behavior (this is the emotion of anger), and are already ready for aggressive actions, against yourself - if you are an introvert, or against others - if you are an extrovert.
How to bounce back and get rid of anger, especially if it is really unfounded, and how not to become aggressive at the same time?
To find out how to manage emotions, let's understand the cognitive model.
Its essence: “How I think is how I feel, and how I feel is how I behave (including the physiological reactions of the body).”
That is, our feelings and emotions, and with them behavioral and physiological reactions (blood pressure, rapid or slow breathing, increased sweating, lump in the throat, redness of the skin, and so on), directly depend on our thinking, on our interpretation of the traumatic , a stressful situation (in our example, the behavior of a friend).
The process diagram of a cognitive error (thinking error) is as follows:
Stressful situation – Dysfunctional automatic thought (Autothought) or idea (image) – Emotion (feelings) – Behavior (and/or physiological reactions).
In fact, in order to return to normal well-being, we can break this chain anywhere, for example, by changing the situation: if there are no thoughts about it, there will be no emotions...
But the situation cannot always be changed, especially since the unfinished situation with self-thought and unprocessed emotion remains in the head, in the depths of the psyche, and then manifests itself, for example, in relationships.
The emotion itself, or the behavior corresponding to it, is difficult to change, especially when you experience it in this moment. Therefore, you and I will discover and change dysfunctional automatic thoughts (abbreviated as autothoughts).
Let's move on to the practice of using this technique to manage emotions
So, you are angry... You need to imagine the moment when you started to get angry... what the situation was... what the behavior of your friend was... and ask yourself the question: “What was I thinking then?”Maybe I thought what a dear friend I have, how attentive he is to me?
Hardly! I guess I thought that he didn’t love or respect me if he behaved like that? (thoughts are fast, so you need to catch them intuitively)
Well, this thought fits: “He doesn’t respect me,” so I got angry and was ready to beat him up.
Ask yourself the question: “How much do I believe in this idea that my friend doesn’t respect me?” (from 0 to 100%)… let's say 90% (write it down)
How strong and intense is my emotion of anger? (from 0 to 100%)… let's say 80% (write it down).
To do this, we conduct a dialogue with ourselves: ask and answer the following questions:
1) What is the evidence to support this idea?
We write down about ten pieces of evidence (arguments).
For example: He doesn’t respect me because he didn’t lend me money.
And we prove...
2) What is the evidence that contradicts this idea?
Here we find more evidence than in the previous question.
For example: He respects me because...
3) Are there alternative explanations for this idea?
For example: It’s not that he doesn’t respect me, he was just in a bad mood… had no money….
4) What's the worst that can happen if he doesn't respect me?
For example: we will stop being friends
5) Imagine that this happened and ask yourself: “Will I be able to survive this?”
6) What's the best thing that can happen if he doesn't respect me?
For example: he will respect me.
7) What is the most realistic thing that can happen if he doesn’t respect me?
For example: we will sort things out and continue our friendship.
8) What are the consequences of my believing this idea that he doesn't respect me?
For example: I will accumulate negativity, and we will quarrel.
9) What are the consequences of changing this thought?
For example: I will stop being angry, accumulating negativity, and I will be able to solve this problem.
10) What should I do about this?
For example: change your attitude (thinking) to a certain situation….
11) What could I recommend? to a loved one who is in the same situation?
We write down a large adaptive answer, for example: “MY MOOD DOES NOT DEPEND ON THE RESPECT OF ME BY OTHERS.” (then you can re-read this several times to consolidate the result).
How much % do I now believe in this idea that he doesn’t respect me? For example 30%. (or I don’t believe it at all).
What is the strength (intensity) of my anger? For example: I no longer have anger (or so much).
If you did everything correctly, then the belief in the auto-thought will decrease or disappear altogether, as will the strength of the emotion, and you will feel better!
In the same way, you can control other emotions and feelings, auto-thoughts and behavior, including obsessions...
As soon as you feel a change in mood or the manifestation of a negative emotion (feeling), immediately ask yourself: “What did I just think?” and find an adaptive response.
Psychological Journal.
If you have reached the understanding that you yourself are responsible for everything that happens in your life, and not external circumstances and other people, then here you will find the deep answer, how to develop the most important skill - managing emotions and feelings. The most important quality you can instill in yourself is your ability to control your thoughts, emotions and feelings. This is the skill that will take you anywhere.
Previously, I didn’t know how to manage my emotions, I was an overly emotional person, and I reacted very sharply to everything. Then I began to figure out what actually determines my emotions?
Hormones, some inexplicable things? No! And one day it dawned on me that my emotions are determined by my thoughts.
I realized one important thing:
To control your emotions and feelings, you need to learn to control your thoughts.
Managing emotions and feelings. Simple explanation.
Emotions are always a derivative of our thoughts.
Since I am conscious about building my life, I began to be interested in how to establish contact with my thoughts, and at the same time with emotions.
I began to study ways to manage emotions and found one exercise for myself that trained me to manage my emotions through thoughts.
During the day, when some emotion or unpleasant feeling of irritation, depression, anger, dissatisfaction arises, you just need to stop and ask yourself:
- At what point did I start feeling this emotion?
- When did my mood change?
The main thing here is to listen carefully to yourself and be honest with yourself.
And the more often I practiced rewinding the film and returning to that moment and catching it when that very emotion appeared, I always, without exception, discovered that the emotion followed the thought.
Therefore, if you think that emotions are uncontrollable and it is difficult to manage emotions, it is only because you think that emotions are something in themselves, they come and go.
To understand what the technique of managing emotions involves, you need to accept the fact that emotions are the result of thoughts. And as soon as you understand this, you immediately begin to control your thoughts.
Remember, no one but you can control your thoughts.
Managing emotions and feelings. The concept of "mind" and "consciousness".
But why then does it seem to some people that thoughts come without their knowledge and supposedly? Here we need to understand that there is mind and consciousness.
The mind grabs onto everything that is shown to it, that it sees, it’s like a monkey that can grab a banana and a grenade according to the principle - give and take, everything in a row and indiscriminately.
And consciousness is the master, controlling what the mind can grasp. After all, by grabbing everything in a row you can harm yourself and that’s why
Useful:
I just didn’t think about it before - well, some thought came to mind, so that’s how it should be. I didn't realize that the entire time the negative thought was in my head, it was creating unwanted events.
How can you help yourself at the initial stage and learn to control your thoughts, observe them, and choose what you want?
Firstly,
remove everything that introduces you into a state of passive thinking (negative).
You take in the information and it plays around in your head on a regular basis. For example, watching TV, where there is a lot of negativity. Or communicating with always whining people who like to complain, discuss with someone.
All this is a negative influence and only you can decide whether you should protect yourself from this and whether you need to eliminate negativity from your life.
I hope your answer is yes, because it’s not for nothing that you are interested in managing emotions and feelings.
In order to help yourself think exactly the way you want, you need to turn to inspiring examples and to those people you want to be like.
Look:
How to watch them?
When you communicate with people who think differently, you listen to them, essentially you begin to think in their way and adopt their thinking. This is an essential part of building your new thinking.
Secondly,
learn more about your nature, about the nature of other people. For example, be interested in psychology.
It will help you understand yourself and other people, distinguish the important from the unimportant.
No one controls your thoughts except you. Even now, only you determine what you will think about in the next second.
Only you, through your own effort, can shift the focus from the negative to something positive. Replace thoughts of fear, anxiety, irritation with thoughts of gratitude, dreams, expectations, joy.
It's like training your body. For example, last year I signed up for a studio Latin American dances. Passionate, captivating, they always fascinated me and I wanted for a long time to learn how to dance just as beautifully.
This was a completely new activity for me, and at first it was not easy for me to accustom my body to move correctly, to accustom my muscles to react more quickly and accurately.
But with each new workout, I honed my technique more and more. And soon the necessary plasticity, activity, energy appeared, the body began to obey, I became more confident, and I got slimmer.
Now our team is invited to city events, we even danced at weddings. And most importantly, I just love dancing and one of my dreams came true.
You can bring control of your thoughts to the same maximum.
Managing emotions and feelings. Internal dialogue
But don’t forget that we still live in a world where there is a lot of negative information. Information that will make you doubt your abilities, shake your confidence, so you always need to keep your finger on the pulse so that your mind does not grab onto everything in a row.
Most people don't pay attention to the internal dialogue that is always running through their heads. This could be chatter, savoring some events, internal disputes/comments.Many people simply treat this as a natural background, not realizing that all this can be controlled.
This is why most people do not live the life they would like.
Your internal dialogue determines your life. It determines how you feel, how you treat yourself and other people as well. And as a result, it determines how you behave. And this is your character.
By the way, and are also thoughts. If you control your thoughts, you control your level of confidence and your level of self-esteem.
- Happiness in the family is thoughts.
- Financial abundance is a thought.
- Slimness and beauty are thoughts.
The most important investment of your time and effort is an investment in learning to manage your thoughts, learning to choose them and, as a result, learning to manage your emotions.
Managing thoughts and emotions is just a skill and one follows from the other. And it will take effort and persistence.
About getting rid of negative thoughts
You don't need to get rid of negative thoughts, you just need to replace them.
It is impossible to think about several things at the same time, so choose what you will think about.
If a sad thought comes, the corresponding emotions of depression and anger will appear after it. At this point ask yourself:
- What could I be thinking about now instead?
- What positive thoughts can I replace negative thoughts with?
- What can I be grateful for?
If you think you can't cope with negative thoughts, you simply don't want to give up your habitual state, sacrifice, hopelessness, etc. The choice is yours.
You are the rightful owner of your thoughts. You just don’t need to sit passively and watch your monkey grab everything in its field of vision, but choose for yourself what you want to think about at the moment. What you think about now creates your tomorrow.
You are what you think. Your life is what you imagine for yourself.
If you improve the skill of managing your thoughts, you can achieve anything in relationships, in life, and in health.
About another necessary skill
Another necessary skill is the development of imagination. It is imagination that helps you create in your life something that has never existed before or increase what you want.
Overcoming barriers to mutual understanding that arise in various communication situations is not easy. To do this, you need to have a good understanding of the nuances of human psychology, including your own. Another thing that is much simpler is not to create these barriers yourself. In order not to be the main obstacle to mutual understanding with others, a person needs to know the psychological rules of communication, and first of all, learn to manage his emotions, which most often become a source of interpersonal conflicts.
Our attitude towards emotions is very similar to our attitude towards old age, which, according to Cicero’s witty remark, everyone wants to achieve, but having achieved it, they blame it. The mind constantly rebels against the unlimited power of emotions in human relationships. But his protest can most often be heard “after a fight,” when it becomes crystal clear that fear, anger, or excessive joy were not the best advisors in communication. “There was no need to get excited,” prompts the mind, which was rightly called “backward,” “you should have weighed everything first, and then revealed your attitude towards your interlocutor.” All that remains is to agree with the wise arbiter, so that next time we can act no less recklessly, reacting to others with all our inherent emotionality.
The easiest way would be to recognize emotions as a harmful legacy of the past, inherited from our “lesser brothers,” who, due to their evolutionary immaturity, could not use reason for the best adaptation to the environment and were forced to be content with such primitive adaptation mechanisms as fear, which forced them to run away from danger; a rage that, without any hesitation, mobilized its muscles to fight for survival; pleasure, the pursuit of which did not know fatigue and indulgence. This point of view was held by the famous Swiss psychologist E. Claparède, who with increased emotionality rejected the right of emotions to participate in the regulation of human activity: “The uselessness or even harmfulness of emotions is known to everyone. Let us imagine, for example, a person who has to cross the street; if he is afraid of cars, he will lose his cool and run.
Sadness, joy, anger, weakening attention and common sense, often force us to perform unwanted actions. In short, an individual, caught in the grip of emotion, “loses his head.” Of course, a person crossing the street calmly has all the advantages over an emotionally excited one. And if our whole life consisted of a continuous intersection of tense highways, then emotions would hardly find a worthy place in it. However, life, fortunately, is designed in such a way that crossing streets in it most often turns out not to be a goal, but a means of achieving more interesting goals that could not exist without emotions. One of these goals is human understanding. It is no coincidence that many science fiction writers associate the worst prospects for the development of the human race with the loss of the wealth of emotional experiences, with communication built according to strictly verified logical schemes. The gloomy specter of a future world in which intelligent automata triumph, or rather, rule (since triumph is a state not devoid of emotionality), worries not only writers, but also many scientists who study the influence of scientific and technological progress on the development of society and the individual.
Modern culture is actively invading the emotional world of man. In this case, two, at first glance, opposite, but essentially interconnected processes are observed - an increase in emotional excitability and the spread of apathy. These processes are found in Lately due to the massive penetration of computers into all spheres of life. For example, according to Japanese psychologists, fifty out of a hundred children who are addicted to computer games; suffer from emotional disorders. For some, this manifests itself in increased aggressiveness, while in others it manifests itself in deep apathy, loss of the ability to react emotionally to real events. Such phenomena, when a person’s emotional states begin to approach the poles, when control over emotions is lost and their moderate manifestations are increasingly replaced by extremes, are evidence of obvious trouble in the emotional sphere. As a result, tension in human relationships increases. According to sociologists, three-quarters of families are subject to constant conflicts that arise for various reasons, but usually manifest themselves in one thing - uncontrollable emotional outbursts, which most participants subsequently regret.
Emotional outbursts are not always detrimental to relationships. Sometimes, as we noted, they bring some benefit if they do not drag on for a long time and are not accompanied by mutual, and especially public, insults. But emotional coldness will never benefit relationships, which in social-role and business communication is unpleasant, as a demonstration of an indifferent attitude to what is happening, and in intimate-personal communication it is simply unacceptable, since it destroys the very possibility of mutual understanding between close people. Polarization of emotional manifestations characteristic of modern civilization, stimulates active search rational methods of regulating emotions, the release of which out of control threatens both the internal psychological stability of a person and the stability of his social connections. This is not to say that the problem of managing emotions is typical only for modern society. The ability to resist passions and not succumb to immediate impulses that are inconsistent with the demands of reason has been considered the most important characteristic of wisdom in all ages. Many thinkers of the past elevated it to the rank of the highest virtue. For example, Marcus Aurelius considered non-passion, which manifests itself in a person’s experience of exclusively rational emotions, as an ideal state of mind.
And although some philosophers, like the Stoic Marcus Aurelius, called for subordinating emotions to reason, and others advised not to enter into a hopeless struggle with natural impulses and submit to their arbitrariness, not a single thinker of the past was indifferent to this problem. And if it were possible to hold a referendum among them on the question of the relationship between the rational and the emotional in people’s lives, then, in our opinion, the majority of votes would accept the opinion expressed by the great humanist of the Renaissance Erasmus of Rotterdam, who argued that “there is one and only the path to happiness: the main thing is to know yourself; then do everything not depending on passions, but according to the decision of reason.”
It is difficult to judge how true such a statement is. Since emotions arise primarily as reactions to real life events that are far from the ideal of a rational structure of the world, the call for their coordination with reason rarely finds fertile ground. Modern psychologists, based on many years of experience in the scientific study of human emotions, as a rule, recognize the need for their rational regulation. Polish scientist J. Reikowski emphasizes: “In an effort to more and more effectively control the world around him, a person does not want to put up with the fact that something may exist in himself that negates the efforts made and interferes with the implementation of his intentions. And when emotions take over, very often. everything happens just like that.” As we can see, according to Reikowski, emotions should not take precedence over reason. But let’s see how he assesses this situation from the point of view of the ability of the mind to change the state of affairs: “Up until now, people were only able to state the discrepancy between the “voice of the heart and the voice of reason,” but could neither understand nor eliminate it.” Behind this authoritative judgment are the results of numerous studies, psychological observations and experiments that reveal the contradictory nature of the relationship between “unreasonable” emotions and the “non-emotional” mind. We only have to agree with J. Reikovsky that we have not yet learned to manage our emotions wisely. And how to manage when there are a lot of emotions, and the mind is in best case scenario, one. Not having the logic inherent in reason in solving problem situations, emotions take over others - a kind of everyday resourcefulness that allows you to turn a problematic situation into a problem-free one. Psychologists have found that emotions disorganize the activity in connection with which they arose. For example, fear that arises with the need to overcome a dangerous section of the path disrupts or even paralyzes the movement towards the goal, and intense joy about success in creative activity reduces creative potential. This shows the irrationality of emotions. And it is unlikely that they would have survived the competition with reason if they had not learned to win by “cunning.” By disrupting the original form of activity, emotions significantly facilitate the transition to a new one, which allows one to solve a problem without hesitation or doubt, which turned out to be a “tough nut to crack” for the mind. Thus, fear stops you in front of an elusive goal, but gives you strength and energy to escape from the dangers that lie in wait on the way to it; anger allows you to sweep away obstacles that cannot be rationally circumvented; joy makes it possible to be satisfied with what you already have, keeping you from the endless race for everything that does not yet exist.
Emotions are an evolutionarily earlier mechanism for regulating behavior than reason. Therefore, they choose simpler ways to solve life situations. To those who follow their “advice,” emotions add energy, since they are directly related to physiological processes, in contrast to the mind, to which not all systems of the body obey. Under strong impact emotions in the body there is such a mobilization of forces that the mind cannot cause either by orders, or requests, or prodding.
A person’s need to intelligently manage his emotions does not arise because he is dissatisfied with the very fact of the appearance of emotional states. Normal activity and communication are equally hampered by violent, uncontrollable experiences, as well as indifference and lack of emotional involvement. It is unpleasant to communicate with someone who is “terrible in anger” or “violent in joy,” and with someone whose dull gaze indicates complete indifference to what is happening. Intuitively, people have a good sense of the “golden mean”, which provides the most favorable atmosphere in various communication situations. All our worldly wisdom is directed against emotional extremes. If grief means “don’t worry too much,” if joy means “don’t be too happy so you don’t cry later,” if disgust means “don’t be too picky,” if apathy means “shake yourself up!”
We generously share such recommendations with each other, because we are well aware that uncontrolled emotions can cause damage to both the person himself and his relationships with others. Alas, wise advice rarely resonates. People are much more likely to infect each other with out-of-control emotions than to achieve the beneficial effects of their recommendations for their wise management.
It is difficult to expect that a person will listen to someone else's voice of reason when his own turns out to be powerless. And these voices say the same thing: “You need to control yourself,” “you shouldn’t give in to weakness,” etc. By suppressing emotions “by command,” we most often achieve the opposite effect - excitement increases, and weakness becomes intolerable. Unable to cope with experiences, a person tries to suppress at least the external manifestations of emotions. However, external well-being in the face of internal discord is too expensive: raging passions fall on one’s own body, inflicting blows on it from which it cannot recover for a long time. And if a person gets used to remaining calm in the presence of other people at any cost, he risks becoming seriously ill.
American psychologist R. Holt proved that the inability to express anger leads to a subsequent deterioration in well-being and health. Constantly holding back expressions of anger (in facial expressions, gestures, words) can contribute to the development of diseases such as hypertension, stomach ulcers, migraines, etc. Therefore, Holt suggests expressing anger, but doing it constructively, which, in his opinion, is possible if a person overcome by anger, wants to “establish, restore, or maintain positive relationships with others. He acts and speaks in such a way as to express his feelings directly and sincerely, while maintaining sufficient control over their intensity, which is no more than necessary to convince others of the truth of his experiences.
But how can you maintain control over the intensity of the feeling if the first thing you lose in anger is the ability to control your state? That’s why we don’t give free rein to our emotions because we are not sure of the ability to maintain control over them and direct them in a constructive direction. There is another reason for excessive restraint - traditions regulating emotional manifestations. For example, in Japanese culture It is customary to even report one’s misfortunes with a polite smile, so as not to cause embarrassment to a stranger. The traditional Japanese restraint in public expression of feelings is now perceived by them as a possible source of increasing emotional tension. It is no coincidence that they came up with the idea of creating robots that perform the functions of a “scapegoat”. In the presence of a person violently expressing his anger, such a robot humbly bows and asks for forgiveness, which is provided by a special program embedded in its electronic brain. Although the price of these robots is quite high, they are in great demand.
In European culture, men's tears are not encouraged. A real man “shouldn’t” cry. A stingy male tear is considered acceptable only in tragic circumstances, when others understand that grief is unbearable. In other situations crying man perceived with condemnation or disgusted sympathy. But crying, as scientists have established, performs an important function, promoting emotional release, helping to survive grief, and get rid of sadness. By suppressing the natural manifestations of these emotions, men appear to be less protected than women from the effects of severe stress. Unable to publicly display their tears, some men cry in secret. According to American researcher W. Frey, 36% of men cry over films, television shows and books, while only 27% of women cry about the same thing. The same study found that overall, women cry four times more often than men.
As we see, a person too often has to suppress emotions both for individual reasons and following traditions. Using such a mechanism for controlling emotions, he acts reasonably to the extent that he needs to maintain normal relationships with others, and at the same time his actions are unreasonable, since they damage his health and psychological state. Doesn’t managing emotions generally fall into that category of conscious actions that cannot be called reasonable, and isn’t it wiser to leave emotions to themselves without interfering with their natural course?
But as studies by psychologists show, the emotional element is contraindicated even for actors who, by the nature of their work, must be immersed in a stream of emotions on stage in order to completely merge with their characters. However, the success of acting is higher, the more effectively the actor is able to control the dynamics of emotional states, the better his consciousness regulates the intensity of experiences.
Convinced that the fight against emotions brings the winner more thorns than laurels, people tried to find ways to influence their emotional world that would allow them to penetrate into the deep mechanisms of experiences and use these mechanisms more wisely than nature had disposed of. This is a system of emotion regulation based on yogic gymnastics. Observant members of that Indian sect noticed that with unpleasant emotions, breathing becomes constrained, shallow or intermittent, and an excited person assumes postures with excessively increased muscle tone. Having established a connection between posture, breathing and experience, yogis developed a number of physical and breathing exercises, mastery of which allows you to get rid of emotional tension and, to some extent, overcome unpleasant experiences. However, the philosophical concept of yogis is such that the goal of constant exercise is not rational control over emotions, getting rid of them in an effort to achieve complete serenity of spirit. Certain elements of the yoga system were used to create a modern method of psychological self-regulation - autogenic training.
There are many variations of this method, first proposed by the German psychotherapist I. Schulz in 932. Schultz’s classical technique included a number of self-hypnosis formulas that made it possible, after repeated sessions, to freely evoke a feeling of warmth and heaviness in the body. various parts body, regulate breathing and heart rate and induce general relaxation. Currently, autogenic training is widely used to correct emotional states with increased neuro-emotional stress, to overcome the consequences of stressful situations that arise in extreme conditions of professional activity.
Experts in the field of autogenic training believe that the scope of application of this method will constantly expand, and autotraining can become one of the important elements of a person’s psychological culture. In our opinion, auto-training is one of the methods of suppressing emotions, although not as primitive as the call to control yourself when emotions “overflow.” With autogenic training, a person first masters those functions that were not subject to conscious regulation (thermal sensations, heart rate, etc.), and then “from the rear” he attacks his experiences, depriving them of the body’s support. If you can cope with experiences without social and moral content, then there is a great temptation to get rid of, say, remorse, causing a feeling of pleasant heaviness and warmth in the solar plexus, and from a painful feeling of compassion, feeling like a bird soaring freely in the radiant heavenly space . “I’m calm, I’m completely calm,” the character in the film “The Hitcher” repeats one of the self-hypnosis formulas every time there is a threat to his emotional well-being. His moral revival is precisely manifested in the fact that this spell gradually ceases to fulfill its regulatory function.
A person’s true psychological culture is manifested not so much in the fact that he knows self-regulation techniques, but in the ability to use these techniques to achieve psychological states, which are in the nai to a greater extent comply with humanistic norms of behavior and relationships with other people. Therefore, people have always been concerned about the problem of criteria for the reasonable management of emotions. Common sense suggests that such a criterion may be the desire for pleasure. This point of view was held, for example, by the ancient Greek philosopher Aristippus, who believed that pleasure is a goal to which one must strive without fail, avoiding situations that threaten unpleasant experiences. Among subsequent generations of philosophers he had few supporters. But among people who are not inclined to philosophical understanding In fact, Aristippus has many more like-minded people. The prospect of receiving maximum pleasure without experiencing suffering seems very attractive, if we abstract from the moral assessment of the egoistic position of “living for your own pleasure.” Yet the roots of selfishness are not so deep that most people can be distracted from the principles of humanistic morality, which rejects the idea of achieving emotions of pleasure at any cost. The inconsistency of the pleasure principle is also obvious from the point of view of human adaptation to the natural and social environment.
The pursuit of pleasure is just as detrimental to people’s physical and mental health as constant troubles, suffering and loss. This is evidenced by studies by doctors and psychologists observing the behavior of people who had electrodes implanted into their brains during treatment. By stimulating various parts of the brain with electricity, the Norwegian scientist Sem-Jacobson discovered zones of experiencing pleasure, fear, disgust, and rage. If his patients were given the opportunity to independently stimulate the “happy zone,” they did it with such zeal that they forgot about food and went into convulsions, continuously closing the contact associated with electrical stimulation of the corresponding part of the brain. The creator of the stress theory, G. Selye, and his followers showed that there is a single physiological mechanism for the body’s adaptation to environmental changes; and the more intense these changes are, the higher the risk of exhaustion of a person’s adaptive capabilities, regardless of whether the changes are pleasant to him or not.
The stress caused by joyful changes can be even greater than the stress caused by troubles. For example, according to the event stress scale developed by American scientists T. Holmes and R. Ray, major personal achievements put a person’s health at risk to a greater extent than friction with a manager. And although the most stressful events turned out to be those associated with losses (death of loved ones, divorce, separation of spouses, illness, etc.), a certain stressful effect was also associated with holidays, vacations, vacations. So turning life into a “continuous holiday” can lead to exhaustion of the body rather than to a constant state of pleasure.
What was said about the inconsistency of the pleasure principle as a criterion for the rational management of emotions can sound a warning only for an optimist who knows how to discover the pleasant sides of life. As for the pessimists, they probably did not expect anything different, since the joys of life in their worldview are worth little compared to the sorrows. A similar point of view was actively defended by the pessimistic philosopher A. Schopenhauer. In support, he cited the results of rather naive experiments performed on himself. For example, he found out how many grains of sugar needed to be eaten to overcome the bitterness of one grain of quinine. He interpreted the fact that ten times more sugar was required in favor of his concept. And so that doubters could themselves emotionally feel the priority of suffering, he called for mentally comparing the pleasure received by the predator and the torment of his victim. Schopenhauer considered the avoidance of suffering to be the only reasonable criterion for managing emotions. The logic of such reasoning led him to the recognition of non-existence as the ideal state of the human race.
The philosophical concept of pessimism will evoke little sympathy from anyone. However, a passive strategy of avoiding suffering is not uncommon. Pessimistic people resign themselves to constant depression because they hope that giving up the active pursuit of success will relieve them of severe stress. However, this is a misconception. The prevailing negative emotional background, characteristic of many people, significantly impairs their productivity and vitality. Of course, it is impossible to completely avoid negative emotions, and, apparently, it is not advisable; they, to a certain extent, organize a person to fight obstacles and counteract danger. A study conducted on monkeys showed that an experienced leader, who has endured many battles, reacts to a stressful situation more favorable from a medical and biological point of view than do young monkeys. However, the constant experience of negative emotions leads to the formation of not only psychological, but also functional negative changes, which, as studies by a team of scientists led by N.P. Bekhtereva have shown, cover all areas of the brain and disrupt its activity.
According to physiologists, a person should not allow his brain to “get used” to troubles. G. Selye strongly recommends striving to forget about the “hopelessly disgusting and painful.” It is necessary, as N.P. Bekhtereva and her colleagues argue, to create for yourself as often as possible, albeit small, but joy that balances the unpleasant emotions experienced. It is necessary to focus on the positive moments of your life, more often remember pleasant moments of the past, and plan actions that can improve your situation. The ability to find joy in life's little things is inherent in centenarians. In general, it should be noted that psychological type The personality of a long-liver is characterized by such traits as goodwill, lack of feelings of irreconcilable rivalry, hostility and envy.
Currently, there are many psychotherapeutic methods for regulating emotional states. However, most of them require special individual or group lessons. One of the most available ways improving the emotional state is laughter therapy.
The French doctor G. Rubinstein substantiated the biological nature of the benefits of laughter. Laughter causes a not very sharp, but deep shake-up of the whole body, which leads to muscle relaxation and allows you to relieve tension caused by stress. When laughing, breathing deepens, the lungs absorb three times more air and the blood is enriched with oxygen, blood circulation improves, the heart rhythm calms down, and blood pressure decreases. When laughing, the release of endomorphin, a pain-soothing anti-stress substance, increases, and the body is released from the stress hormone - adrenaline. Dancing has approximately the same mechanism of influence. A certain “dose” of laughter can provide good health even in difficult situations, but an “overdose” of even such a harmless remedy as laughter can lead to a departure from rational management of emotions. Constant fun is the same escape from life as immersion in gloomy experiences. And it’s not just that emotional extremes can worsen your well-being and health. The imbalance of positive and negative emotions prevents full communication and mutual understanding.
There are two categories of people who will never be understood by others, no matter how much they want it. People will, if possible, avoid those who are constantly dejected, immersed in bitter thoughts about the imperfections of human nature, for fear of becoming infected with a gloomy mood and pessimism. Sometimes it can be difficult to see the difference between the painful state of depression, when a person completely loses the ability to regulate emotions, and the state of “withdrawing” into unpleasant experiences, characteristic of some generally healthy people who find themselves in difficult life situations. But there is still a difference. In painful conditions, negative emotions are directed mainly inward, concentrated around one’s own personality, while “healthy” negative emotions are constantly looking for a victim among others in order to splash out in an aggressive outburst or in a bitter complaint. But since most people cannot withstand prolonged exposure to a difficult emotional atmosphere, they begin to avoid communicating with a person immersed in unpleasant experiences. Gradually losing his usual contacts, he is forced to transfer negative emotions onto himself.
What if the ability to rejoice at everything that exists and that can happen is inherent in a person and he is invariably in high spirits, enjoying life in any circumstances? All that remains, it would seem, is to envy and try to follow his example. Indeed, in most neutral communication situations that do not require sympathy, help, or support, merry people evoke sympathy and approval with their ability to not take anything to heart. But only those who know how to rejoice in everything, even the grief of others, can constantly rejoice. Without sharing the suffering of other people, a person risks finding himself in a psychological vacuum when he himself needs support. Constantly being in a rosy mood, he accustoms those around him to a “problem-free” attitude towards himself. And when the time comes for serious tests of strength, a breakdown occurs. According to the observation of psychotherapist V. A. Faivishevsky, the lack of experience in overcoming unpleasant experiences caused by failures and losses can lead to “victory neurosis,” which is observed in constantly successful people at the first failure.
A gross violation of the emotional balance does not benefit anyone, even if a positive emotional background dominates. It may seem that a person who does not lose joy in the presence of suffering people is able to infect them with his mood, lift their spirits and give them cheerfulness. But this is an illusion. It’s easy to defuse situational tension with a joke or a cheerful smile, but it’s just as easy to achieve the opposite effect when faced with a deep experience. In this regard, a parallel can be drawn with the impact of music on human emotions.
It is known that music has a powerful emotional charge, sometimes more powerful than real life. life events. For example, psychologists who surveyed students, teachers and other employees at Stanford University found that among the factors that arouse emotions, music took first place, followed by touching scenes in films and literary works and only on the sixth - love. Of course, one cannot make absolute the data obtained in one study, but one cannot help but admit that the emotional effect of music is very great. Taking this into account, psychologists use the method of music psychotherapy to correct emotional states. For emotional disorders of depressive type funny music only aggravates negative experiences, while melodies that cannot be classified as cheerful bring positive results. So in human communication grief can be softened by compassion or aggravated by serene cheerfulness and routine optimism. Here we return again to empathy - the ability to tune our emotions to the “wave” of other people’s experiences. Thanks to empathy, it is possible to avoid constant immersion in one’s own joys and sorrows. The emotional world of the people around us is so rich and diverse that contact with it leaves no chance for a monopoly of positive or negative experiences. Empathy promotes balance emotional sphere person.
Some philosophers took the principle of balance literally, arguing that in the life of every person the joys exactly correspond to the sufferings and, if you subtract one from the other, the result will be zero. Polish philosopher and art critic V. Tatarkiewicz, who analyzed this kind of research, came to the conclusion that it is impossible to prove or disprove this point of view, since it is impossible to accurately measure and unambiguously compare joys and sufferings. However, Tatarkevich himself does not see any other solution to this problem other than the recognition that “human life tends to equalize pleasant and unpleasant sensations.”
In our opinion, the principle of emotional balance is important not because it can indicate the exact proportion of positive and negative experiences. It is much more important for a person to understand that stable emotional balance as an indicator of reasonable management of emotions cannot be achieved only through situational control over experiences. A person’s satisfaction with his life, activities and relationships with others is not equivalent to the sum of pleasures received at each individual moment. Like a mountain climber who experiences an incomparable feeling of satisfaction at the top precisely because success cost him many unpleasant emotions on the way to his goal, any person receives joy as a result of overcoming difficulties. The small joys of life are necessary to compensate for unpleasant experiences, but one should not expect deep satisfaction from their sum. It is known that children who lack parental affection are drawn to sweets. One candy can relieve a child’s stress for a while, but even a large number of them cannot make him happier.
Each of us is somewhat reminiscent of a child reaching for candy when trying to influence our emotions directly at the moment they arise. The short-term effect obtained through situational management of emotions cannot lead to stable emotional balance. This is due to the stability of a person’s general emotionality. What is emotionality and can it be controlled?
Since the beginning of the twentieth century, the first studies of emotionality have been carried out. Since then, it has been generally accepted that emotional people are distinguished by the fact that they take everything to heart and react violently to trifles, while low-emotional people have enviable composure. Modern psychologists tend to identify emotionality with imbalance, instability, and high excitability.
Emotionality is considered as a stable personality trait associated with its temperament. The famous Soviet psychophysiologist V.D. Nebylitsyn considered emotionality to be one of the main components of human temperament and identified in it such characteristics as impressionability (sensitivity to emotional influences), impulsiveness (quickness and rashness of emotional reactions), lability (dynamism of emotional states). Depending on temperament, a person becomes emotionally involved in various situations with greater or less intensity.
But if emotionality is directly related to temperament, which is based on the properties of the nervous system, then the possibility of intelligently controlling emotionality without interfering with physiological processes seems extremely doubtful. Can a choleric person intelligently regulate the intensity of his “choleric” outbursts if his temperament is dominated by impulsiveness - a tendency to quick and rash emotional reactions? He will have time to “break the woods” over a trifle before he realizes that the most reasonable principle for managing emotions is balance. And an imperturbable phlegmatic person, organically incapable of vividly and directly demonstrating his feelings, will always be perceived by others as a person who is deeply indifferent to what is happening. If emotionality is understood only as a combination of strength, speed of occurrence and mobility of emotional reactions, then one area of application remains for the mind: to come to terms with the fact that there are emotional and unemotional people, and to take into account their natural characteristics. This mission of reason itself is extremely important for human understanding.
Features of temperament must be taken into account in various communication situations. For example, you should not be offended by the violent reaction of a choleric person, which more often indicates his impulsiveness than a conscious intention to offend his interlocutor. You can respond in kind without risking causing a long-term conflict. But even one harsh word can permanently unbalance a melancholic person - a vulnerable and impressionable person with a heightened sense of self-esteem.
To learn to relate intelligently to the peculiarities of the emotional make-up of other people, it is not enough to know these peculiarities; you also need to control yourself, maintain balance, no matter how intense your own emotional reactions. This opportunity arises if, from fruitless attempts to influence directly the intensity of emotions, a person moves on to managing situations in which emotions arise and are manifested. A person’s emotional resources are not limitless, and if in some situations they are spent too generously, then in others they begin to feel their shortage. Even hyper-emotional people who seem to others to be inexhaustible in expressing their feelings, when in a calm environment, plunge into an inhibited state to a greater extent than those who are classified as low-emotional. Emotions, as a rule, do not arise spontaneously; they are tied to situations and turn into stable states if the emotiogenic situation persists for a long time. Such emotions are usually called passion. And the more important one life situation is for a person, the higher the likelihood that one passion will crowd out all the others. Only great passion, argued the French writer Henri Petit, is capable of taming our passions. And his compatriot writer Victor Cherbullier drew attention to the possibility of the opposite effect, arguing that our passions devour each other, and often the big ones are devoured by the small ones.
One of these judgments, at first glance, contradicts the other, but this is not so. You can concentrate all emotional resources in one situation or in one area of life, or you can distribute them in many directions. In the first case, the intensity of emotions will be extreme. But the more emotional situations there are, the lower the intensity of emotions in each of them. Thanks to this dependence, it becomes possible to manage emotions more intelligently than by interfering with their physiological mechanisms and immediate manifestations. Formally, this dependence can be expressed as follows: E == Ie * Ne (where E is the general emotionality of a person, Ie is the intensity of each emotion, Ne is the number of emotional situations).
Essentially, this formula means that a person’s overall emotionality is a constant (a relatively constant value), while the strength and duration of an emotional reaction in each specific situation can vary significantly depending on the number of situations that do not leave a given person indifferent. The law of emotional constancy makes it possible to take a fresh look at established ideas about the gradual age-related decline in emotionality.
It is generally accepted that in youth a person is emotional, but with age, emotionality is largely lost. In fact, with accumulation life experience, a person expands the spheres of emotional involvement, more and more situations evoke emotional associations in him, and therefore, each of them causes a less intense reaction. The general emotionality remains the same, although in every situation observed by others the person behaves more restrained than in his youth. Of course, there are cases when the ability to react violently and for a long time to certain events is not lost with age. But this is typical for people of a fanatical nature who concentrate their emotions in one area and absolutely do not pay attention to what and how is happening in others.
The expansion of the range of emotional situations is facilitated by the general cultural development of the individual. The higher cultural level a person, the greater the restraint in the expression of emotions observed by those around him when communicating with him. Conversely, uncontrollable passions and violent outbursts of emotions, called affects, are usually associated with limited areas of expression of emotions, which is typical for people with a low level of general culture. This is why the role of art in regulating human emotionality is so great. By enriching his spiritual world with aesthetic experiences, a person loses dependence on the all-consuming passions associated with his pragmatic interests.
Taking into account the law of constancy, you can master methods of managing emotions that are aimed not at a hopeless fight against destructive manifestations of emotional extremes, but at creating conditions of life and activity that allow you not to bring yourself to extreme emotional states. We are talking about managing the extensive component of general emotionality - emotional situations.
The first way is distribution of emotions- consists in expanding the range of emotiogenic situations, which leads to a decrease in the intensity of emotions in each of them. The need for conscious distribution of emotions arises when there is an excessive concentration of a person’s experiences. The inability to distribute emotions can lead to significant deterioration in health. Thus, J. Reikowski cites data from a study of the emotional characteristics of people who have had a heart attack. They were asked to recall the most negative events that preceded the illness. It turned out that patients two months after a heart attack recalled significantly fewer stressful events than healthy people. However, the strength and duration of unpleasant experiences about each of these events in patients turned out to be much higher; They were significantly more likely to report feelings of guilt or hostility and difficulty controlling their feelings.
The distribution of emotions occurs as a result of expanding information and social circle. Information about objects new to a person is necessary for the formation of new interests that turn neutral situations into emotional ones. Expanding your social circle performs the same function, since new social and psychological contacts allow a person to find a wider sphere of manifestation of his feelings.
The second way to manage emotions is concentration- necessary in those circumstances when operating conditions require complete concentration of emotions on one thing that is of decisive importance in a certain period of life. In this case, a person consciously excludes a number of emotiogenic situations from the sphere of his activity in order to increase the intensity of emotions in those situations that are most important to him. Various everyday techniques for focusing emotions can be used. The famous film director N. Mikhalkov spoke about one of them. In order to fully concentrate his efforts on the idea of a new film, he shaved his hair and thereby lost the emotional incentive to appear in public again. Popular theater and film actor A. Dzhigarkhanyan formulated for himself the “law of conservation of emotions.” He considers it obligatory to exclude situations at least once a week in which the emotions necessary for creative activity are generously spent. The most common method of focusing emotions is to limit information from usual sources and exclude favorable conditions for activity in those situations that contribute to the “dispersion” of emotions.
The third way to manage emotions is switching- associated with the transfer of experiences from emotiogenic situations to neutral ones. With so-called destructive emotions (anger, rage, aggression), it is necessary to temporarily replace real situations with illusory or socially insignificant ones (using the “scapegoat” principle). If constructive emotions (primarily interests) are concentrated on trifles, illusory objects, then it is necessary to switch to situations that have increased social and cultural value. The use of these methods of managing emotions requires some effort, ingenuity, and imagination. The search for specific techniques depends on the individual and his level of maturity.
Do you often lose your temper in difficult situations? Agree, the inability to control your emotions often interferes with life. Therefore, managing them is very important. Don't know how? We'll tell you!
This article is intended for persons over 18 years of age
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What are emotions?
There are several definitions of the concept “emotions”. Some call this concept the expression of emotional experiences using voice and facial movements. Others are situational manifestations of feelings (short and quick). Still others are feelings that are expressed specifically for others. In other words, to summarize all the definitions, emotions are expressive movements that carry information about a person’s state and convey his attitude to a particular action or event.
There are several types of emotions:
- positive - forgiveness, joy, admiration, pleasure, etc.;
- negative - envy, hatred, anger, anger, irritation, etc.;
- neutral - acquiring different shades in different situations (for example, surprise).
Why do you need to control your emotions?
The ability to manage your emotions is very important for any person. First, emotions often do not arise in in the right place and not in right time. Secondly, our emotions can hurt people around us. Thirdly, if we are overwhelmed with emotions, it will be much more difficult for us to concentrate on anything. Excessive emotions make it difficult to relax and unwind. The ability to manage emotions is a sign of a developed personality and well-mannered person able to control their feelings even in situations where it is very difficult. The ability to manage emotions needs to be developed. You can do this yourself or with the help of specialists who will give you practical advice.
How to learn to manage your emotions?
More than one book is devoted to acquiring the skills to manage emotions. This question is studied by such a science as psychology. We will try to briefly summarize the most basic tips on how you can gain control over yourself.
1. Watch your face.Before the emotion gains strength, remove it by changing your facial expression to a more neutral one. If you can do this, the intensity of passions will immediately subside. If this causes you difficulty, then you need to resort to training the skill of calm presence. This skill is one of the most effective and simple ways to manage your own feelings. Its essence is as follows: create a list of situations in which your face expresses emotions (curves, wrinkles, twitches, etc.). This often happens in situations where you have to do something unpleasant. Take control of this everyday situation (for example, washing dishes) and practice a calm face. In a couple of weeks you will start to succeed, and in six months you will have developed a corresponding habit. Your face will remain calm in any situation, and at the same time your character will become balanced and calm. A greater effect can be achieved by filming yourself. This way you can see how you have learned to control yourself, and this will inspire you to continue training. If you want to teach your child to gain control over himself, it will be enough to give him the command every time: “Stop, stand still for a minute with a smile!”, and in a minute you will see the result.
2. Watch your breathing.Your emotional state will immediately change if you change the rhythm and frequency of your breathing. If you need to raise your energy, it is enough to do exercises accompanied by sharp and strong exhalations. If you need to calm down, start taking calm breaths in and out.
3. Learn to control your thoughts, as they tend to control our attention. If you think about the positive aspects of life, you trigger positive emotions (negative thoughts create negative emotions). Your job is to avoid negative thoughts. This can be done by switching to other, more positive thoughts. To do this, you need to either say positive phrases out loud, or imagine bright positive pictures(for example, beautiful flowers, rainbows, etc.).
4. Learn to manage your mood.The emotions you experience depend on your mood. Therefore, your task is to constantly improve your mood. The easiest way is to choose an action that improves your mood and do it every time. For example, you improve your mood by walking in the park, then every time your mood deteriorates, go for a walk in the park.
If you approach the issue from the perspective of mental hygiene, then the following exercises will help you find lasting joy:
- start taking pictures of your unhappy face. You won’t like it, and you will subconsciously look for an option on how to make your face happy;
- standing near the mirror, repeat the phrase ten times: “What a bad mood I’m in.” As a rule, after the fifth repetition a smile appears and the mood becomes much better;
- If you are overcome by negative emotions and are in the grip of a bad mood, smile as widely as possible and maintain this smile for a while. You will immediately feel the negative emotions recede;
- laugh sharply - your mood will immediately improve;
- distract yourself from negative thoughts by turning your attention to positive aspects;
- mentally talk to yourself, asking questions: “Why do I need this emotion? What are the benefits of this emotion? Is there a different way to respond to the situation?” In dialogue with yourself, negative emotions will leave you;
- recharge yourself with the emotions of other people - a smile will cause a return smile;
- use chromotherapy and aromatherapy. Surround yourself with bright color pictures that improve your mood, your favorite smells;
- know yourself. The more you know yourself, the better you will learn to control your emotions and your mood. Try to talk more with friends and relatives about your feelings, then over time you will learn to accurately determine which emotion is possessing you at a given moment in time, and you will control it;
- use self-motivation. Determine those goals that will move you forward, give you the strength to overcome negative emotions, control your emotions;
- be positive. Treat everyone easier life situation and try to see something good in each, even the most difficult of them;
- avoid negativity. Choose your emotions yourself and don’t let anyone influence them;
- learn to let go of the situation. There are enough events in every person’s life that leave an unpleasant aftertaste. Let go of these situations, get rid of the burden that prevents you from moving forward;
- read books. By reading books, you get a lot of impressions and positive emotions. The book helps fight bad mood and depression, helps achieve inner harmony;
- Choose a hobby or hobby you like. Then you won't have time for negativity, that's it. free time will be dedicated to your favorite business;
- change the situation. Take a break from events and people that cause you negative emotions and recharge yourself with positive impressions.
Why is it important to know how to manage your emotions and feelings?
Strong emotions can add to your life. bright colors, but at the same time they can destroy your health and psyche. Negative emotions dull your sensitivity to other people and contribute to the destruction of relationships with others. All your energy resources are spent on experiences, which means that you no longer have enough of them to achieve anything significant. For example, negative emotions can hinder your career if you fail to control them in the negotiation process.
As for health, negative emotions are the cause of many diseases, both psychological and physical. Therefore, it is very important to prevent neurological reactions by controlling negative emotions in order to avoid sad consequences. People who remain in a state of stress for a long time put their health at great risk (psychosomatics). This is especially important for students and schoolchildren during exams. Is a person able to cope with this on his own? Yes, definitely. By taking control of your emotions, you will become the master of your life and make it happy and harmonious.