In relationships, women strive for inner peace and harmony. They dream that their life and they themselves will change radically with the appearance of a reliable person in their life. loving man. This may be why many women tend to fall into psychological dependence on a man and mistake it for love. How to get rid of dependence on a man, how does a woman find herself in this trap, how to get out of it and not fall into it again?
The problem with love addiction, first of all, is that you lose the ability to soberly assess yourself and the situation in which you find yourself. Like any other addiction, psychological dependence on a man takes a gigantic amount of vital resources from a woman, but in return brings nothing but the illusion of happiness and satisfaction.
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How to determine that you are inclined to become psychologically dependent on a man?
Where is the difference between a serious hobby and pathology? After all, it is very easy to confuse a strong feeling of love with addiction. A feeling of a state of mild madness, obsessive thoughts about the object of your feelings, a euphoric, elevated state of mind in the presence of a lover, a desire to be with him as often as possible - all these “symptoms” are, in principle, characteristic of the feeling of intense love.
1. A sharp decrease in interest in all other areas of life. This is a sign of any addiction - you concentrate on one source of receipt positive emotions, energy, and artificially diminish the importance of others. For example, you are sure that nothing makes you as happy as the presence of your loved one nearby. Think about the absurdity of such a belief, as the first evidence of some deviation from the norm.
2. You fall into a state of panic when you think about it. Even if you don't feel satisfied or loved in a relationship, the thought of breaking up with this man plunges you into real horror.
3. Increased level aggression towards those people who think that you are not very good couple. You consider the man on whom you have become psychologically dependent to be an ideal companion for yourself, you are confident in his perfection and do not want to hear anything about the fact that you may be mistaken about him.
4. You easily find excuses for a man’s actions that cause you pain. Never gets in touch first because he's too busy. He does not sympathize with you and your problems, because he is very courageous. , because he is independent and internally free. And so on ad infinitum. He is ideal, and you are a nonentity who does not deserve his love (I’m exaggerating, of course).
5. Excessive absorption in the object of your passion also indicates excessive emotional dependence, which you should gradually get rid of. You are ready to do everything and even more to satisfy all his whims; you are ready to easily refuse about your needs and feelings.
6. You are characterized by strong mood swings - you are tossed from side to side on the emotional swing of your feelings. For example, after telephone conversation With a man on whom you are dependent, you experience excitement and a surge of strength that instantly disappears as soon as he does something that you think is wrong.
If you fall out of the feeling of merging with the object of dependence, then you immediately find yourself in psychological state bordering on depression. And with all this, at the same time you experience a deep sense of guilt for this, a bunch of fears and anger at yourself, him and the whole world.
7. You experience such a desire to never part with your lover, which psychologists call “pathological fusion.” On the one hand, you are terribly afraid of intimacy with your partner, afraid of losing yourself and the possibility of completely dissolving in him. On the other hand, you want to completely merge with him forever and ever, and you worry about the insufficient depth of the connection between you.
8. Heap life problems, which you are completely unable to cope with. A sure sign of being in a dependent relationship is when everything in other areas suddenly goes downhill. Do you get rid of friends who encourage you to think, spoil relationships with your family, conflict with colleagues? Maybe you should start getting rid of your love addiction?
Psychologist's advice
Have you discovered almost all the “symptoms”? Don't rush into despair. Psychologists consider the described reactions to be more or less (within normal limits) normal at the first stage of a relationship, at the moment of intense love for a man. You should think about the question “How to get rid of addiction to a man” if these states and reactions last long time, worsen over the years, becoming a source of emotional problems for you.
How does a woman who has fallen into psychological dependence on a man behave?
The behavior patterns that women who tend to become dependent on a man are prone to are approximately the same. The love sphere is complex and scary for them, as dark forest. They are afraid of never finding love, while I associate this concept only with relationships with a man, excluding its versatility. Painfully focused on the topic of relationships between men and women.
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At the same time, they fall in love with lightning speed and tend to focus on positive qualities the object of love and ignore the negative ones. They seem to be psychologically stuck on the first impression of a man, and are completely unable to objectively evaluate his further actions.
The fear of losing a relationship is so strong that they are ready to tolerate almost any attitude toward themselves. And they envelop a man with their love so much that a normal, adequate person runs away, frightened by such importunity.
No matter how the man to whom you assume your love addiction behaves with you - carefully or carelessly, like a knight or like the last scoundrel. You simply need to think about how to get rid of addiction that is harmful to you and your relationships. Because dependent relationships, according to psychologists, doom both of you to a life of problems and mutual suffering.
Reasons for a woman's love addiction to a man?
I will not dwell in detail on the reasons why a dependent love state arises in a woman. This will take a lot of time and still will not allow you to fully understand your situation - for this you most often need the help of a qualified psychologist.
I will list only the most basic ones. Maybe you can at least understand general direction, from which dependence on a man stems in your case. At the root of all causes there is usually some critical, root cause. Which turned out to be so difficult for you that a certain malfunction occurred in your mental structure, now pushing you into dependence as you find yourself in similar situations (experiencing similar emotions against their background)
1. Difficult relationships with one or both parents, negative family scenario. There are a million options - a tough, cold mother, a distorted, incorrectly built relationship with her father, alcoholism of one of the parents and its influence on the life of the family in which the girl grew up. You need to deal with all this individually and under the guidance of an experienced psychologist.
2. Difficulties with building personal boundaries. Inability to feel them and protect them competently. Hence the desire for complete intimacy with a partner, combined with the inability to hear and satisfy one’s own desires.
3. Inability to competently and realistically evaluate the actions of others (primarily men)
4. Tendency to perfectionism, the need to divide into polar boundaries - black - white, right - wrong, bad - good. No halftone or tint options. Categorical character and attitude towards oneself and other people
5. A serious traumatic event in the past - family tragedy, violence, severe unexperienced loss. The fear of losing something dear to a person’s heart makes a woman stick tightly to a man.
How to get rid of love addiction - practical recommendations from psychologists
So, after you realize that you are in a strong psychological and emotional dependence on a man, it’s time to make a decision and get rid of it. And the main thing you have to start with is to recognize your addiction and the seriousness of this problem.
Dependent relationships need to end. Because they don't make you happy. Because they bring chaos into your life, draining your strength and the strength of your partner. And the longer you remain dependent on a man, the more difficult it will be for you to cope with your problem and enter into a healthy relationship.
The fight against pathological love addiction is one of the most problematic areas of psychological work. Because they give rise to it and the past addict. Solving such psychological difficulties on your own is almost impossible. I will give some simple recommendations that will help you, if not get out of an addictive relationship, then at least feel better in it.
Journaling
Try keeping a diary where you describe your condition in detail. Mood swings. Emotional outbursts and depression. It is also useful to write down questions that arise in your mind regarding the dependency object. Usually, those suffering from psychological addiction have a lot of them (how does he feel? What will he do if I... etc.), and the answers to one do not calm you down, but give rise to the next.
Keep a diary like this until you get tired. It will help you realize what an unstable state yours is in. nervous system. And that you are not moving anywhere in it, you are fixated on your partner and have poor control over this state.
Personal and bodily boundaries
Reconnecting with your body also helps a lot in dealing with addiction. Physical and spiritual practices, yoga, meditation - choose something suitable for yourself and use it for internal relaxation and restoration of self-confidence.
As for personal boundaries, it is necessary to work through the deposits of accumulated emotional garbage, work with the ability to accept and express your emotions, primarily negative ones. Plus, you will learn to recognize your needs, listen and hear yourself and your body. Defend your interests, follow your desires.
Get involved in something other than a love relationship
Shift your focus. Find a job that you enjoy, in which you can improve and. Do what you like - this applies to both work and hobbies. Make yourself happy, give yourself pleasure. Start treating yourself the way you treat the man you are dependent on. And you will feel the strength to cope with this difficult life situation.
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Psychological dependence on a man makes a woman forget about her interests. She is absolutely absorbed in her beloved, his well-being and comfort, so she forgets about herself. Independence disappears imperceptibly, she becomes insecure. If the feelings are mutual, the guy is also absorbed in his beloved, perhaps there is nothing wrong with such love and excessive affection. But no one can guarantee that the relationship will last until the end of life, and in this case, the woman’s dependence on the man will work against her.
Reasons
Experts say that not all people are susceptible to psychological addiction. Confident people, leaders or individuals who are able to achieve their goals no matter what are unlikely to encounter such a phenomenon. Others, who were subject to total parental control from childhood, failed to develop the qualities independent person, resignedly submit to the influence of a man, considering them superior in position. At the same time, women consider their lives to be absolutely normal, so they do not seek to change it.
A dependent relationship with a man can turn a completely independent person into a desperate housewife who has forgotten not only her desires, but also her appearance. At first the couple is happy, the wedding, the first days of life together. Then pregnancy occurs, the woman gives birth to a child, followed by a second, becoming a housewife. She likes to take care of her loved ones, but before she knows it, she gets used to such a role. The children grow up, the husband’s career too, but the woman remains dissolved in the man and the family - she can no longer imagine another life.
Another reason why a woman ends up in dependent relationships is being raised without a father - the little girl always lacked male influence, therefore, as an adult, she is ready to obey the guy, becoming emotionally dependent on him. It's good if intentions young man positive.
A dependent woman can become a victim of such a relationship because of her own fantasies - she comes up with what her chosen one will be like, endows him with many qualities, and when she meets him, she “hangs” them on him without understanding his personality. Dreamers in the future face disappointment, because the guy, decorated with many advantages and important qualities, turns out to be different, indecisive, weak-willed, and it seems impossible to survive difficult life trials with him.
Symptoms
Many representatives of the fairer sex do not realize that they have joined the ranks of overly dependent women. Emotional dependence on a man manifests itself in the following:
- Existing on “automatic pilot” - women have no time to stop and think, reevaluate life, think about goals. They live in “Groundhog Day” conditions, and there is no light in sight.
- Energy dependence forces a woman to see only an ideal in her beloved - she does not notice his shortcomings or bad behavior. She is even ready to forgive the betrayal, because she cannot imagine life without him - for her he is the best.
- Over time, psychological connections with the opposite sex do not bring satisfaction, joy and happiness, but no one is ready to leave.
- The simultaneous feeling of love and hatred is also typical for girls who are dependent on their beloved guy.
- Concentrating only on a man, his emotions, goals, desires - women simply forget about their own dreams and ideas, remaining unfulfilled.
- The loss of friends and acquaintances with whom the girl communicated before meeting the guy also indicates a woman’s psychological dependence.
These are energetic signs of a pathological connection with the opposite sex. But there are types of addiction that are part of the psychological one:
- Sexy - once having re-read a novel with non-childish content or watched a movie on the topic of sex, a girl receives an emotional charge. She knows what feelings she wants to feel during intimacy, so she looks for an appropriate partner. When she finds him, she becomes dependent on him, as he gives her the whole range of necessary emotions.
- Emotional - lack of attention in childhood becomes the cause of such a connection. There is enough emotional communication to get absolute satisfaction, so girls are ready to endure laziness, rudeness, anything, just to be close to this person.
What's wrong?
Dependent relationships put psychological pressure on both partners. With the constant pursuit and excessive enthusiasm of the other half, everything good turns into an annoying obsession.
You can be interested in men, openly confess your love to them, support them, but you shouldn’t go too far and accompany them everywhere.
Ladies suffering from addiction in relationships turn into a thorn over time. The energy balance of the couple is disrupted, and the man subconsciously begins to look for another, calmer one, who does not ask many questions, who does not try to turn into an obsessive life partner who does not even give the opportunity to be alone.
Guys prefer to communicate with self-sufficient girls who have goals and are able to trust, move forward, and join forces. When women turn into faceless creatures, interest in them, alas, fades away, and along with it love.
A man’s dependence on a woman leads to even more serious problems - such representatives of the stronger sex are made henpecked, they are deprived of every opportunity to make independent decisions, and subsequently no one consults with them. In fact, life turns into a monotonous, aimless existence, because a man does not feel supported in any endeavor.
But the worst thing about addiction is the bitterness of parting. Couples in which the above-described difficulties arise between a woman and a dependent man, or vice versa, sooner or later break up. However, a dependent partner cannot accept the choice of his other half - psychology emotional relationships made him a hostage. A break in such couples can lead to tragedy - suicide, crime, when an abandoned woman is ready to kill her rival, etc.
How to fight?
The energetic relationships of a dependent person (mostly women are susceptible to this) can be helped. Loving is not bad; simply distinguishing between the concepts of love and dependence is an impossible task for many. If by any sign you realize that you have become too dependent on your significant other, you should start working on yourself before everything comes to an end.
- First, remember when you were doing something that was interesting only to you. Embroidery, knitting, going to the fitness club, meeting with friends? If you don’t remember anything like this in everyday affairs and endless “servicing” of family members, feel free to announce that you will spend the next weekend with benefit for yourself. There is no need to explain why this decision was made, just say “I’m going to the pool” or “I’m meeting a friend.” Present your loved one with a fact, and don’t even try to feel guilty.
- Plan the future with the pronoun “I” - of course, in a normal relationship there should be common interests, but among them you need to find a place for “I”. Of the 5 tasks that concern both partners, one should be your favorite. This is enough to avoid feeling too emotionally attached.
- Imagine what will happen to you if you break up - this is not a call to plan for absolute independence. In life you need to be prepared for anything, and an exercise like this will help you cope if such a situation arises.
Avoid addiction - when it leaves the relationship, manipulation disappears, pain, suffering, and melancholy go away. Love, passion, interest return to their place, and depression and humiliation come to an end.
The feeling of love inspires and makes you live. It gives wings and throws you to the ground. However, love is not always mutual and happy. Quite often situations occur in life as a result of which we have no other options but to forget a person. But it is not so simple. How to forget the person with whom all your thoughts are occupied? How to get rid of a painful feeling that brings only suffering? And is this possible in principle? Let's try to answer these questions.
What is love addiction
Love addiction is similar to alcohol and drug addiction. A person is constantly drawn to the object of adoration, he idealizes him to such an extent that he does not see any flaws in him. At times, an addicted person understands and realizes that this feeling will not bring anything good, but in most cases he cannot do anything about it.
Love addiction is an obsessive thought to own a partner at all costs. Addiction forces us to take extreme measures - to pursue a person, pester him with unnecessary calls and messages, smother him with unnecessary attention and care. But most of all, addiction harms the person himself. After all, his soul is tormented, his heart suffers, and in his thoughts there is no one except HIM (HER). In such conditions it is difficult to live, develop, communicate, work or study, and most importantly, it is difficult to find a suitable alternative and replacement for a partner. If the addiction is severe, sometimes a person can remain lonely for life.
Causes of love addiction
But why does this happen? Why does a person, being a self-sufficient person and a completely self-confident individual, lose his pride? Why does he subordinate all his thoughts, actions and emotions to one object? Here are some reasons.
- Self-doubt. You've probably met people in your life who are very insecure. Such people hold on to any opportunity for a relationship with the opposite sex, and even if they refuse, they try to return the relationship. For them, the loss is not of a specific person, but of the very fact of the relationship. Such people are deeply convinced that they are fat, ugly, poor and generally unworthy of love. Therefore, they experience separations and breakups very deeply.
- Lack of parental warmth. Many psychological problems comes from childhood. And strong love addiction is no exception. Often, long suffering over lost love occurs in people who were not loved in childhood. And vice versa, if a person sees a happy model of a relationship in the form of his own parents, but cannot build such a cell himself, he suffers and suffers.
- Stopping personal growth. Often in relationships where there is a leader and a follower, one person stops in his development. There is a banal degradation. If a person stops studying, working, striving for goals and achievements, he begins to look with envy at his more successful partner. Over time, envy turns into pathological jealousy and manic fear of losing a partner.
- Deification of a partner. Sometimes it happens that you idealize your partner, exaggerate his merits, and do not see his shortcomings. At the same time, you belittle yourself and your importance in this world. You are already happy that such a deity has paid attention to you. Therefore, the loss of a partner often becomes a tragedy on a large scale.
Symptoms of love addiction
As has been said, true love is kind and patient. She is not arrogant, jealous, boastful, doubtful, or irritable. True love trusts and forgives. But sometimes love is painful. There is no joy or happiness from her, but only suffering. How to distinguish true from fake? Here are a few symptoms that can help you identify true love from love addiction.
- In true love, you realize that there is a partner’s personal space in which he must remain without you. A loved one understands that there is work/study during which there is no need to call and bother him over trifles. Loved ones feel good together and apart, they manage to get bored, which makes their meeting even sweeter. But painful attachment is when you cannot spend a single minute without your partner.
- True love gives beautiful, positive feelings– pleasure, inspiration, harmony. Addiction brings only uncertainty and anxiety into a person’s life.
- In a true relationship, you are happy that the person you love is also in love with you. But a symptom of addiction is the constant fear of losing a loved one.
- If a couple has signs of dominance by one partner over the other, this is also considered one of the signs of addiction. When a person cannot receive a sufficient number of reciprocal feelings, he begins to subjugate the weaker partner.
Women are more emotional, and, as a result, more susceptible to love addiction. If for some reason you broke up with a man, if he betrayed you, abandoned you, or simply did not reciprocate, it is important to experience this condition correctly. First make a decision - do you want to get this person back by any means or do you want to end the story. If you've made the latter decision, here are some ways to deal with love addiction less painfully.
- First, realize this moment. Understand that sick love and unrequited feelings will not lead to anything good. Love yourself and feel like a queen. Look in the mirror. After all, you are a beautiful, wise woman. Are you worthy of this?
- Love and pamper yourself. But not with delicious cakes, but with massage, fitness and beauty treatments. Educate yourself, set yourself a realistic goal to strive for. The easiest way to make a man bite his elbows is to become better and prove to him WHO he lost.
- If your self-esteem is still poor, you need to go out on a visit, to a restaurant, to a theater or any other crowded place. Put on an elegant dress, stylish hairstyle and spectacular makeup. This will certainly make strangers pay attention to you. But this is not done to start an affair. The essence of such a hike is to make yourself feel desired and beautiful again. And then your confidence will return.
How to get rid of love addiction to a woman
Whatever one may say, human nature is such that men fight for the right to possess a woman. And this struggle is not always successful. Men also sometimes have to cope with love addiction. How to forget a woman who seemed to bewitch you?
- First, feel like a man. After all, you are not a whiny girl who cannot cope with her emotions. You will be able to forget the one who did not appreciate you. Take up a favorite hobby that will fill your free time and remove unnecessary thoughts.
- The best cure for any addiction is work. It's time to put your personal life on the back burner and focus on development and professional growth. Change your income level and social status- this will not only make your woman regret her decision, but will also help her make life decisions in the future.
- Sports are a great alternative love relationships. Develop body strength and mental endurance. Yoga can also be a great solution. It puts thoughts in order and instills harmony in the soul.
- They say they knock out a wedge with a wedge. This doesn't mean you have to plunge headlong into new romantic relationship. But try spending time with a nice person, going on a harmless, non-binding date. Feel that flirting and falling in love can bring ease, joy and pleasure, rather than worries and fear.
Whether you are a man or a woman, young or old, rich or poor, you shouldn’t give up on yourself after a failed relationship. Of course, it will not be possible to survive separation painlessly, especially if the love addiction was strong. But you need to try to raise your head, remain yourself and confront all the problems in life. And then fate will certainly give you mutual, pure and true love, which will fill your life with meaning.
Video: how to get out of love addiction
Good day, dear readers!
This article will talk about love addiction and the reasons for its occurrence. It’s great when love is mutual, it’s worse if a person is ready to do anything just to keep a close and dear, but indifferent partner near him.
Women are emotional creatures; they are more susceptible to love addiction than representatives of the stronger half of humanity. Dear ladies experience real mental anguish when the object of their admiration remains in the distant past.
Sometimes depressive state leads to sad consequences. How to get rid of love addiction to a man?
Such obsession and constant thoughts about a man can be compared to alcohol or drug addiction. A woman is so confident in the ideality of the man she adores that she is unable to see obvious shortcomings.
As a rule, women are aware that this is sick love, which brings only suffering and takes away precious time, but they cannot cope on their own.
Obsession is present in everything that concerns a man. A dependent woman does not control her own behavior; she often calls a man, stalks him, and pays attention that he absolutely does not need.
Addiction brings real harm to the woman herself, since she is in constant stress and anxiety. In such a situation it is difficult to pull yourself together to start new stage in life. Neither work, nor study, nor trying to find another more worthy candidate for your hand and heart helps.
A strong addiction that lasts for years can cause a woman to deliberately refuse to communicate with other people, turning into a recluse for the rest of her days.
Common Causes of Addiction
It is worth asking the question why an accomplished person dissolves so much in another person that he is ready to lose his pride and the last shreds of self-esteem? There are several reasons for this behavior.
1. Complexity and lack of confidence in one’s own uniqueness
Often, an obsession with another person appears due to lack of self-confidence. It is difficult for such women to adapt to unforeseen situations. They cling to every opportunity in order to return to a relationship that is doomed to failure. Such individuals believe that they are unworthy of being happy, so they continue to feel sorry for themselves and acquire complexes.
2. Dysfunctional childhood
Many personal problems come from childhood. People who didn't get enough parental love, prone to strong love addiction. And vice versa, if a woman observed the successful relationship between her father and mother, but herself was unable to create a strong connection, then suffering and unrequited feelings are inevitable.
3. Dependent position
Women who have stopped in personal development. When a woman has not found herself in life and is fully supported by a man, she will be afraid of losing the person on whom she depends in the full sense of the word.
You can get rid of love addiction to a man if you engage in your education. For example, the partner is successful and wealthy, and the woman resembles a housewife from the 60s. Such a woman experiences genuine fear; she is sure that she will be replaced by a more interesting and attractive young lady.
Do you have a lot of free time? Great, it's time to get creative, draw, embroider, go dancing. You can get rid of love addiction if you occupy your free time with interesting things.
If the article is close to you, advise your friends to read it social networks. Perhaps she will help them get rid of addiction and start a life with clean slate. See you soon.
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