“Two people looked from behind prison bars: one saw dirt, the other saw stars.”
Good afternoon, dear reader!
Today on the site we will consider such a concept as "a person's life position" which is presented in book John Maxwell "I am the Winner!" Thanks to Maxwell’s book, we will try to understand and answer the questions: “What is a position and why is it important for a person?”, “What are life positions and how are they developed?”, as well as “How to change your life position?”
A person's life position
In his book “I am a Winner!” J. Maxwell gives the following definition of position. A person's life position– this is his internal state, which is expressed through behavior. Thus, if a person feels, for example, dissatisfaction or determination, then this is manifested in his gestures, facial expressions, voice, intonation. Our facial expression usually reflects our state of mind. However, sometimes a person’s life position can be outwardly veiled for some reason, and then others will be misled about its essence. But sooner or later, true feelings will manifest themselves, since a person cannot remain in tension for a long time and wage an internal struggle.
Why is life position important for a person?
- It determines our approach to life and what we expect from it. If we have a positive attitude towards the world around us, we receive confirmation of our attitude, we feel success and understanding. If it seems to us that the world is not friendly to us, then we will experience anxiety and trouble.
- Your life position depends on your relationships with other people. Research from the Stanford Institute shows that a person achieves success in 12.5% of cases only thanks to his knowledge. The remaining 87.5% of success comes from the ability to interact with other people.
- Often a person’s life position becomes the link between success and failure. People differ little from each other in their beliefs, but some of them difficult situation may benefit, while others see only disadvantages.
Think about something that you would like to receive, that you desire. Now decide what life position can help you achieve what you want?
Active life position of a person
Our thoughts, capabilities, and actions are largely determined by the environment. We acquire character traits, mannerisms and qualities of those people with whom we interact. In childhood, our positions are determined by the conditions that surround us. At birth, a person does not choose either the environment or the conditions in which he will grow. However, as they grow older, each person develops the right to choose. And it will depend only on each of us whether it will manifest itself active life position of a person, to what extent he will be proactive, capable of change, or remain influenced environment, at the mercy of accepted beliefs and attitudes.
Each person can remember circumstances, situations that had a positive or negative influence on the formation of his life position. But it will depend only on our attitude whether we find ourselves in these situations. positive or negative experience. Thus, a person’s active life position will depend on the strength of his desire, faith in his capabilities and existing knowledge or experience.
Developing a life position takes place throughout life
A person develops his position throughout his life. First he forms it, then strengthens or changes it. A life position cannot remain unchanged throughout life. Not every person will be able to radically change their previous beliefs and develop a new active life position, but they will certainly begin to support or strengthen the existing one, either positive or negative.
It is important to remember that there is no such thing as an “ideal” or “perfect” life position. The position must be adjusted with every change that occurs in our lives. After all, on the path of each of us there are various situations that “unsettle” and only through our own efforts, flexibility in approach to understanding what is happening, we will be able to achieve a successful solution, find a way out and cope with the situation.
The word “position” itself has many meanings. This is a certain posture; and the location of an animate or inanimate object; a place prepared for combat; finally, this is the name for a point of view, an opinion on which a person’s behavior depends.
The combination “life position”, often used in psychology, is very close to the last definition. The life position of an individual is his understanding of the meaning of life, his attitude to circumstances and realities, which lays the foundation for behavior and determines the motives for activity.. It finds expression in various forms: beliefs, values, ideals, principles...
The life position begins to form in childhood and depends on a number of factors: heredity, upbringing, family traditions, experienced events, prevailing norms in a given society... This is not a frozen formation: your life position can be adjusted and changed at any age, if there is a desire.
Activity or passivity
The whole variety of life positions is usually reduced to two opposite types: active and passive. What is an active life position? This is the desire to change the social situation in which a person finds himself, to achieve better position in life. A passive (or, which means “adaptive”) position presupposes non-interference in the course of events, agreement with the existing, even not very satisfactory, state of affairs.
1. Negative - energy is directed towards actions that are negative from the point of view of generally accepted norms; a person is in conflict with society, undermining its foundations through his activities. An example of a person with such a position would be the leader of a gang of criminals.
2. Positive appearance implies initiative in smoothing social contradictions, orientation towards strengthening moral standards; People who lead such a lifestyle, as a rule, are distinguished by purposefulness, responsibility, consciousness, and a willingness to act immediately even in difficult conditions. It is believed that this is the kind of behavior one should strive for to the best of one’s ability and ability.
The manifestation of the conformist position is also heterogeneous. It can include four forms of behavior:
- Submission is strict adherence to prescribed norms without a critical attitude towards them.
- Absolute inaction - the name speaks for itself: best way To solve the problem - wait until it goes away.
- A destructive strategy - a person redirects all accumulated dissatisfaction to third parties, making them guilty, instead of analyzing the situation and outlining ways to change it.
- Excitement is an intense, but extremely unconstructive, chaotic activity that replaces attempts to find a solution to the problem.
Although only the first two types can be called passive in the literal sense of the word, the activity that a person exhibits in the third and fourth forms - due to the wrong direction - also does not lead to any changes in solving the problem situation. Author: Evgenia Bessonova
Life position is an effective and emotional attitude a person to all manifestations in his life. This attitude manifests itself on several levels at once - in actions, thoughts, statements and even inaction at certain moments. Any position implies not only a passive demonstration of one’s attitude, but also an active and effective direction to implement one’s position.
The formation of a life position occurs throughout life, but begins from childhood. It includes features of neuropsychic organization, type of thinking, and psychological trauma. In addition, the immediate environment has a direct impact on life position (especially in childhood), since close people form values, semantic space, goals and plans.
Life positions a person can be determined independently, depending on his plans and necessary achievements. In many cases, the correctly chosen position helps development and faster development, but first, for this it is necessary to decide on the most correct and effective one for each specific person and his individual life characteristics.
What is it
The life position is formed thanks to the immediate environment during the first years of life. The features of its development, attitudes, guidelines and needs, as well as ways of responding to situations are transmitted by parents and educators, becoming internalized categories. Subsequently, these embedded parts manifest themselves in all possible industries. human life, defining both moral life positions and work, personal and even political ones. 
However, this does not mean that once formed, a life position remains a static category. It may change under the influence of new acquired knowledge or life experience. In many ways, a person himself can shape its changes through the application of mental and mental efforts, changing his direction and habitual ways of reacting and assessing the situation. By the time of achievement, the main life position is formed, and if there are no fundamental changes in the personality and external social situation, then it remains key, only slightly adjusted under the influence of situational factors.
There is also a categorization of positions. One of these classifications adheres to the concept that the position itself is formed even before the birth of the child, since it is determined psychological state parents. This does not mean genetic conditioning or actions, but rather the prism of perception. Roughly speaking, a person can evaluate himself as someone good or feel his own inferiority; all external reality is subject to the same basic assessments. Such deeply held beliefs are practically not amenable to subsequent volitional correction. Changes are possible only if conscious efforts are made, often with the help of a psychotherapist, and require more than one year of intense internal work.
Types of life positions
The typology of positions is based on the ways in which a person interacts with the surrounding space. In relation to this, active and passive varieties are distinguished.
An active life position is always aimed at changes concerning both one’s own personality (creativity, learning, new acquaintances) and society (reform ideas regarding norms, strategies and principles for solving certain problems). At the level of interaction, it always manifests itself through leadership aspirations and innovative ideas. Regarding their own existence, such people are distinguished by independence and high level responsibility for oneself and those indirectly involved in it. With negative development, tendencies towards violation may be revealed social norms, organizations of various criminal groups, revolutions and oppositions.
In any of the options active position eliminates indifference to trends and processes own life. These people are called to change everything that they consider inappropriate or wrong. Depending on the moral foundations of the individual himself, such an orientation can lead either to rapid development and reform, or to an increase in anarchy and permissiveness. Activity like characteristic feature allows you to cope with all difficulties and quickly find solutions to all kinds of issues. Such people are not afraid of initiative and the responsibility that comes with implementing their own ideas.
Taking the side of actively changing the world, people do not get hung up on their own experiences and difficulties, they are always on the move and are happy about changes. The downside can be considered the same requirements for others - they cannot stand prolonged worry over one issue and the desire to keep everything as it is, just not to be exposed to the risk and uncertainty of change.
A passive life position adheres to conformist ideas, compliance with all social norms and rules, even to their detriment and when they are unreasonably stupid. The desire to rely on chance, not to change your life, circle of friends and interests for years. Such a person relieves himself of most of the responsibility, providing many important decisions the state, significant people or superiors.
Difficulties for people with a passive position arise when faced with difficulties and when solving creative problems. They certainly are good performers, but are practically devoid of leadership qualities, since they always strive to move along the well-known, beaten path. 
Sometimes such lack of initiative leads to an increase in problems and the frequent occurrence of critical situations that are already solved by other people.
The static nature of the passive position at first glance ensures the safety and visibility of the situation, but problems begin when external conditions begin to change. To be successful and prosperous, an important quality is the ability to perceive changes and reorganize your life in relation to trends. This is practically inaccessible to passive people and will sit in a burning house until the end, hoping that the fire will stop on its own.
According to the type of direction of energy, positions are distinguished into negative and positive. IN negative manifestations a person’s behavior and attitudes are aimed at antisocial actions, striving to resist the established way of life. In the form of active changes or passive sabotage depends on the first two options, but these are always frustrating tendencies. Positive aspirations focus on humanistic values, development and ethical standards. Moreover, if a person is not able to independently introduce and implement similar ones, then he will support and comply with the existing ones, passing on a similar approach to his children.
Examples
Examples will help you understand in more detail and finally understand the main types of life positions. Thus, an active life position with a positive orientation is expressed in one’s own high self-esteem; such a person is happy with the place he occupies and knows how to appreciate what is happening in his life. He can be passionate about many matters concerning him and those around him. These are active participants in actions for peace and the fight against poverty, volunteers and simply caring people. They are the ones who stop to help. crying child or fallen on the street, while they sincerely enjoy their actions.
The radical opposite is the passive negative position. In this case, a person may evaluate himself as a victim or a loser, and perceive the world around him as hostile, stupid, and degrading. Life decisions are not accepted - people resign themselves to the fact that they are fired, offended, deceived and attribute everything to the injustice of fate. Own ideas As a rule, they do not have plans to improve the situation, and if they do, they are not going to implement them.
A passive positive attitude is quite common, especially in good economic and social conditions. People are able to appreciate what they have, maintain traditions, strengthen existing achievements, but not make adjustments. Having all the makings, such a person will not quit his low-paying, habitual job just because he has enough for everything, and change requires energy. They are subject to mass thoughts - they vote like the majority, listen to the same music and do not argue. At the same time, the level of satisfaction is quite high, especially if changes and troubles do not affect them personally.
An active position with a negative orientation represents opposition to society. These could be protest rallies, defending one’s position through quarrels and fights. 
Oppositions, anarchists, criminals are prominent representatives of people with similar internal foundations. Verbal aggression and constant complaints about what is happening, nit-picking over trifles and excessive demands on society ultimately make a person an antisocial person.
To be fair, it is worth noting that pure species positions are not found, we can only talk about the predominance of one of them. Depending on the situation, a person may react various options and that's exactly what it is best position when flexibility is possible. The situation when a person reacts in a typical way throughout his life, without focusing on his own state and the real state of affairs, is the most negative, since it leads to personal degradation.
Today about your connection life position and 4 types of passive behavior in response to life situations. Addition to the webinar where the connection between positions in life, roles in the drama triangle and psychological games was discussed.
4 types of psychological passivity.
Passive behavior - this is an avoidance of life's difficulties, not effective way behavior in conflicts and disputes.
Psychological passivity resembles the behavior of an ostrich, when we unconsciously bury our heads in the sand, thinking that this is the most careless way to behave in problematic situations.
4 types of passive behavior and life position.
Let's look at the connection with the 4 types of passive responses to a problem.
How do you react to the problem?
TEST.
Read the description of the 4 types of responses to a problem and determine which passive behavior applies to you.
Based on the type of passive behavior in the diagram (see figure “Passivity and Life Positions”), identify what life position you usually take in a conflict.
What position do you take in conflicts?
4 types of passive behavior.
1 type of passivity. DOING NOTHING.
Or zero response to the problem. Feel, think and do absolutely nothing . This often happens when people are paralyzed by danger. However, doing nothing can also be a common reaction to any problem. Waiting position.
EXAMPLE
Middle-aged and elderly people who do their best to resist learning how to use computers and the Internet.
A woman who remains silent during a conflict with her mother-in-law, clenching her teeth tightly.
Corresponds to the life positions of HOPELESS and INADEQUACY.
Type 2 passivity. OVERADAPTATION.
This type of passive response is understood as “too obedient” adherence to rules or regulations from other people, which relieves us of the responsibility to think for ourselves.
EXAMPLE
An employee who obediently follows all instructions from management, without really understanding what he is actually doing and why.
A child who nods to all the comments of his parents with a blank face.
Corresponds to the life position of INADEQUACY.
3 type of passivity. EXCITATION.
Unconsciously carried out intensive activity, devoid of constructive goals instead of trying to solve the problem. Or simply vanity for the sake of vanity. There is a lot of noise, but no action. For example, when we drum our fingers on the table excitedly during a difficult conversation.
EXAMPLE
An office worker who is hostile to any changes to the routine, without offering any alternatives.
A man who violently expresses complaints in a store screams hysterically and blushes.
Corresponds to the life position of AGGRESSION.
4 type of passivity. DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR.
The degree of expression of thoughts and feelings that are disproportionate to the reasons that caused them. Physical violence against an innocent person who does not even know that he is “guilty.”
EXAMPLE
An alcoholic who throws his fists at a social worker who invites him to enroll in a treatment course.
A mother who beats her child for bad grades and then drowns her guilt in beer.
Corresponds to the life position of HOPELESS.
Consequences of passive behavior in life.
Psychological passivity always leads to negative consequences - first of all for the person himself, but often for the people around him.
Undesirable effects of passive behavior can be very diverse: these include “unsolvable problems”, low efficiency performance, various types addictions and negative conditions, accidents, illnesses and even death.
Survey. Types of passive response in conflict.
Select 1 or 2 options from the proposed ones. Be honest with yourself. How do you react, how do you behave during a conflict?
Commenting on an article means being aware.
In the comments to the article , Give examples from life of one or more types of passive behavior. What feelings do you experience when you remember them?
Share the information with your friends!
Read the best materials from a happiness psychologist on this topic!
- In the last post I opened the topic of working with my dreams. And in order to work with a dream, you must first remember it, right? Today there are 3 more […]
- As promised, I will update the “Santa Claus Free” section several times a week so that on the eve of the New Year your wishes will come true […]
- Evaluative attitude. Game Parent - Child. Many of my clients function at the Parent level. Showing an evaluative attitude towards other people and yourself. In fact, they transfer internal […]
- Are you perfection, are you ideal? The “Be perfect” driver or the excellent student syndrome is a very common phenomenon in the life scenario of many […]
If a child is surrounded by an atmosphere of love, acceptance and safety, then a positive basic existential position of a person is formed - I + You +, the child acquires a solid basis for positive self-esteem and a positive, friendly attitude towards others.
Due to various circumstances: non-acceptance, repulsion, neglect, indifference on the part of parents, etc. (See Chapter II, “Rejection and Self-Rejection”) The child may develop a false image of himself and the outside world, which leads to other unnatural, unhealthy internal attitudes.
Constructive position I+You+
I've been since early childhood I felt that I was infinitely loved. Our parents loved us and each other very much. I grew up in an atmosphere of care and mutual understanding and I still feel the support of my family and am sure that no matter what happens to me, they will be there and will always help. From childhood I was told about God, my parents prayed and told Him about everything important that happened in the family. I later realized that a relationship with God is the most important thing in life, and now I can’t imagine how you can live and not remember Him, not turn to Him every day. He loves all people very much and takes care of us.
Lydia
If the core of the belief system is a constructive life position, a person is convinced of the value of his personality, confident that he is worthy of being loved and accepted. He loves his parents, knows that they are good, kind, honest people that you can trust. This attitude extends to other people as well.
A person lives in harmony with outside world, it is characterized by productive cooperation, positive relationships with people, acceptance, the ability to make friends, psychological adaptability and success. He is able to give and receive love, is not afraid to get close to people, is free from excessive dependence on the opinions and assessments of others, calmly accepts criticism, is self-critical, and open to any changes.
He understands himself, his feelings, can freely express, realize and talk about his feelings and experiences. Rejoices in other people's successes and achievements, is able to support others, speaks sincerely about positive features people, has a positive assessment of the future.
A person with an I+Thou+ existential position can also make fair criticisms, and is willing to say “no” if necessary; is not afraid to defend his opinion, even if others do not agree with him; is distinguished by independence and firmness of position if he is confident that he is right. However, if he discovers that his opinion is wrong, he freely admits his wrongness and changes his own point of view. He is characterized by a sober assessment of the reality of events and a readiness to positively search for solutions to emerging problems. life problems, the ability to make independent decisions and take responsibility for them, taking into account the advice and wishes of others.
Such a person is faithful to his moral ideals and values. He is constantly developing, engaged in self-knowledge, choosing methods of internal personal growth and works on himself.
Depressive position I-You+
A depressive life position dominates a person’s belief system after the experience of rejection from close people and parents. He decides that there is something wrong with him, “I am bad” (I -), considers himself incapable of anything, thinks that he is worse than others, suffers from feelings of inferiority, incompetence, and self-denial.
Self-doubt gives rise to fear of failure, which actually provokes failure. A person internally strives to regularly experience situations of failure, even in small things. He constantly expects failure in order to once again confirm the fairness of his parents’ position towards himself: there is something wrong with him, he is not what they wanted, he is not capable of anything, he cannot please them, etc. He is extremely dependent on the opinions of his parents and authority figures in his life. This often manifests itself in infantilism, fear of taking responsibility and making independent decisions, and showing initiative.
A person with such a life position regularly experiences depression, despondency, strives to withdraw from other people, prefers to keep his distance. He avoids everything new, unexpected; tries to stay in an already familiar circle, in which he feels in a relatively safe position.
When I remember my childhood, I try not to think about the bad, but it's not easy. My parents loved me, but I would say “strange love.” Even now they do not realize what they did to me as a child and how it affected me. To begin with, they were expecting a girl, and when I was born, they were very upset. While I was little, I always had long hair, so many on the street mistook me for a girl, which made me terribly angry. Sometimes my mother would dress me in dresses and admire me. She was the main one in the house, she occupied a higher position social status, constantly humiliated my father, who chose a job that involved constant long business trips and was constantly absent from home. When he returned, his parents often fought because his father was very jealous. I felt that I was to blame for their problems and tried to reconcile them. Quite often, my mother would break down and beat me in a fit of anger, and then cry and force me to ask her forgiveness for the fact that I had “pushed her so hard.” When I started to do something on my own (which happened infrequently, since I was not trusted or allowed to do anything), my parents popularly explained to me that no matter how hard I tried, nothing would work out for me, it would be better if they did everything themselves.
Evgeniy
Think how much literary heroes with a similar life position is described in Russian literature! This is a very common personality type.
Defensive position I+You-
I was the eldest child in the family. Our parents loved us, but they were always very passionate about work. My brother was born when I was 2 years old, and from that time all my parents' attention was focused on him. He was sick more, behaved like a hooligan, and did poorly at school. As a teenager, he got involved with bad company and started drinking. Unlike him, I was always a good, obedient girl, I studied with “good” and “excellent” grades, and tried to achieve success in everything. But my parents were much less interested in me. I entered a prestigious institute on the first try, there I met my future husband, Boris, who tenderly courted me and sought my attention. Something was always going wrong with him, he constantly got into some kind of situation, no matter what he started to do, everything turned out wrong, not thought out, to say the least... I had to decide everything in the family and take responsibility for myself , in short, he “lived behind me as if stone wall" Boris loved me very much, and I felt it, but over time I began to feel that he was becoming cooler and cooler, and even began to suspect that he was cheating on me. I did not have a close relationship with either my parents or my brother, because my parents are biased towards my brother. They help him in everything, refuse him nothing, spoil him, and he, a slob, takes advantage of their kindness and does what he wants. I can't stand him, he's so disgusting.
Nastya
If a defensive life position dominates at the existential level of the belief system, a person, one way or another, experiences a situation of rejection by parents, significant people, and decides that these people, the world, everything around is hostile, negatively disposed and one must always be ready to defend and defend, and best of all, to attack.
A person feels the value of his personality through proof of his superiority over others, through an irresistible desire to control everything around him. Usually he himself does not even notice that he humiliates, condemns and blames people. Since this happens so naturally that he sincerely believes that those around him are doing everything wrong and are to blame for all the troubles (including his own problems). And he knows better than anyone else what needs to be done to make it work well.
He needs to be the first, the best, this is often achieved by condemning or belittling others, in neurotic competition (superiority complex). And also in attempts to control everyone around and the desire to perform any task to the limit of their capabilities, achieving perfect success and demonstrating it to others in order to show that they are not capable of it.
Such a person is internally convinced that one can achieve one’s goals only through tireless struggle and aggressiveness towards people and the world. Aggression is sometimes hidden and sublimated, taking on socially acceptable forms, but those around them, especially those from which this person does not depend in any way, they may feel uncomfortable in his presence, often perceive him as suppressing others, an insensitive person.
However, we must always keep in mind that the superiority complex is only a protective form of a deep-seated feeling of inferiority, a complex of self-denial (non-acceptance, rejection of oneself). These two complexes are naturally connected. It should not surprise us that when we engage in self-knowledge and discover a self-denial complex, we immediately find a more or less hidden superiority complex. On the other hand, if we examine the superiority complex in dynamics, then each time we find a more or less hidden complex of self-denial. This removes the apparent paradox of two opposing tendencies existing in one individual, since it is obvious that normally the desire for superiority and the feeling of inferiority complement each other. The word “complex” that we use reflects the totality psychological characteristics underlying exaggerated feelings of self-denial, inferiority, or striving for superiority.
The futile I-Thou position
A person whose core belief system is represented by a sterile life position feels unloved, rejected, humiliated; convinced that life is useless, full of disappointments, no one can help him.
He rejects people and the world around him and feels rejected, empty, depressed; The main action is waiting.
A person who is not aware of the value of either his own personality or the value of the personality of the people around him can be socially dangerous.
Internal conflict quite often manifests itself through attempts to immerse itself in another reality (computer, alcohol, drugs, magic, etc.) in order to hide from internal problems, if possible, do not think, do not recognize and ignore them.
I was born into a family at the worst possible time. My parents just got married. My father was a student, and my mother (she is 5 years older) had already graduated from college by that time. They lived with their father's parents. The mother's relationship with her grandmother did not go well because her grandmother was against marriage. My mother was worried that my father would be seduced by various girls at the institute, so it seems that she had a difficult time. Labor started for a month ahead of schedule and were critical. I don't know exactly what happened, but it looks like I might not have survived. Then, due to an oversight by doctors, the mother developed complications and was taken to the hospital. I stayed with my father and grandmother. I was often sick, had trouble sleeping at night, and screamed. My parents constantly quarreled and argued among themselves and with my grandmother. The mother called names and humiliated the father, and the grandmother also condemned them. A couple of years later, the parents moved to a separate apartment. But their relationship never worked out. I always felt that they were unhappy in their marriage, my mother told me that they live together only for my sake, but I don’t care. Actually, I didn’t tell anything to either my father or my mother. When I grew up, my father left and married another woman who had a daughter.
Victor.
Every adult does not remain in his or her basic existential position all the time. Often (like my true face) he hides it under various masks. But the existential position always manifests itself in difficult life circumstances, when deciding psychological problems, in new, unexpected circumstances, able internal conflict, tension, frustration ( mental state, caused by failure to satisfy needs and desires, accompanied by various negative experiences: disappointment, irritation, anxiety, despair...).